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« The Roaches Have No King by: Daniel Evan Weiss | Main | I. Am. A. COMPLETE. Nerd. »
m's Punishment
June 29, 2002
Last night m crossed a line with me. Usually, when m crosses a line, it's about not respecting my body and not stopping something when I ask him to. This time, specifically, it was about crawling over the backs of my legs while I was laying on the bed, hurting me with his pointy little knees. And not stopping.
I repeated several times that he needed to stop. He still wouldn't stop.
Finally, I told him that he wasn't going to get any computer time tonight (um, isn't bargaining one of the phases in the cycle of mourning?). He still wouldn't stop.
No computer time tomorrow? This stopped him, and sent him running to his room.
Later on, he cried because he wanted to play with the computer but, even though it was a very, um, well, it seemed like a really non-consequential punishment, I stuck to it. He was really angry with me and sad.
So I asked him: "m, tell me what I can say to you to get you to stop doing something that is hurting my body. Because I didn't know how to get you to stop!"
His response: "hmmm...why don't you tell me if I don't stop you are going to hang me by my toes and spank me."
Me: "m...spanking isn't allowed in this house. You know I wouldn't spank you!"
m: "Yes, but it would make me laugh, and then I would go 'yikes!' and run away laughing."
me (imagining what the other parents on the playground would think if I threatened to hang m by his toes and spank him): "I'm not really comfortable with that...maybe we should think of something else."
m: "Nope...that's the only way I'll stop."
Me: *sigh* why can't my kids be like the kids in the parenting books.
Comments
i have the hardest time taking away any geeky things from my son. i hate to tell him no computer, or no games -- he has these great games that are educational and are really teaching him some critical thinking skills, as well as letters and numbers and even the beginnings of reading. but it's the only thing that gets through to him.
and we do spank, not in anger but as punishment, however he tends to laugh at that because, well, it doesn't really hurt. in fact we've pretty much given up the spanking at all.
and time out doesn't do much good either. so we're left with the meanness that is taking away his electronic toys.
ack.
Well, I just think it's a really ineffective and wimpy parenting manouver. But I can't think of anything else sometimes. That, and "go to your room" - it seems to be all about control rather than reasoning. And there are times when Monk needs to have time-out enforced just because he has a difficult time controlling his actions, but...I dunno. Someday I will find the solution, and I will be sure to enlighten everyone.
For minor freaking out I usually end up with, "I'm going to have to say no movies" and then Gaby asks for how long and usually reasons out that he doesn't want that to happen. Him going to his room is like when he is actually hurting someone on purpose and really can't control himself.
I am having a hard time also with bony knees. Gaby has learned in school to ask before getting on people but seems to not even want to consider it when we tell him here at home. I think he *still* thinks we are in te same body or something, like how could his 45lbs jumping on our legs at full speed possibly hurt?
Hi Lanie!
Monk is a smart kid! I really like his idea of attacking behavior with humor!
I'm going to try it!
Jennie
Mama to Nichi