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cy's new favorite phrases
May 31, 2003
"Hey mama! We kick BUTT!"
and
"MMMMmmmMMM...that's YUMMY in my MOUTH!"
"Real Life"
May 31, 2003
cen posted this quote from John Holt. It's so perfect. Yes.
"I wish I had a dollar for every ... defender of the schools who talks about Real Life; it's almost never the fascinating courses, or the challenging teachers - their only concern [is] that home-schooled children will miss the "social life" of schools. And when I point out that for the most part the social life of schools is mean-spirited, selfish, snobbish, conformist, ruthless, cold-hearted and often downright cruel and violent, nobody disagrees. "That's Real Life.'" they say, ... "[y]ou have to prepare children for the real world. How else are they ever going to get along with others?" Notice that they don't mean others who treat each other with kindness and dignity; they can't seem to conceive of that ..." -John Holt
We can hope...
May 30, 2003
We can hope that the last few sentences of this article about the June 2nd FCC deregulation hearings might come to fruition. Please be sure to make your voice heard.
Moyers has addressed this issue many, many times, and this search might help you do more research on the issue.
Does keeping Austin weird keep it livable, as well?
May 30, 2003
A recent study commissioned by Book People and Waterloo Records to combat the development of a Borders in their neighborhood says that small, local businesses are better for local economy than larger chains:
The second study demonstrates that growth does not necessarily mean increased revenue--in fact, many types of development actually drain local economies. Tischler & Associates studied various types of residential and commercial developments in Barnstable, Mass. and compared the tax revenue they generated with the cost of providing additional required services. The findings? Big box retail, shopping centers, and fast-food restaurants cost taxpayers more than they produce.The biggest drain is fast-food restaurants with a net annual deficit of $5,168 per 1,000 square feet, with big box retail developments at a loss of $468 per 1,000 square feet, and shopping centers at $314 per 1,000 square feet.
Smaller specialty retail (not big box "category killers") was found to generate positive returns, returning $326 per 1,000 square feet to the community. Other
positive producers include business parks, offices, and hotels.So why the higher costs? The biggest expenses generated came from higher road maintenance costs and greater demand for public safety services. Citizens can use this information proactively to inform decisions by city council and planning board members, in informing their communities, and certainly in fighting big box or other unnecessary development. [source]
Of course, Book People and Waterloo have a vested interest in funding studies that support their existence over that of large chains. However, it's also true that the Borders development, which Borders has wisely Backed out of, was to be subsidized to the tune of 2.1 million dollars. While the association with the businesses involved calls the veracity of the report into question, it is important that we continue to question how businesses that are subsidized by public funds benefit the community at large.
middle class values
May 30, 2003
Ms. Pear rants about middle class values:
seriously though, my whole struggle lately is with what my responsibility is when i'm making small talk at the playground, trying desperately to root out others of my ilk and the person i'm talking to says something like, "our new house is fabulous - it's in a lovely new GATED community" or, on the subject of public schools, "when you're looking at the statisitics, the only one to pay attention to is what percentage of kids are on the free lunch program, because of course, you don't want your kid going to school with THEM", or even "stop hitting your sister or you are going to get a wicked spanking from your dad when he gets home"
I had something to add to this, but it will have to wait until I'm feeling less addled.
Heat of the Moment
May 29, 2003
I was at the grocery store today, and the song "Heat of the Moment" by Asia came on the loudspeaker. I was hurled back in time to the summer of my first kiss, and I've been meaning to share the story ever since it came up the other night during my gab session with Chris and k8
I think it was actually the summer of 1983 or 1984, and that song was popular at the swimming pools I haunted. I met Craig at Frontier Days, which is (still) an annual carnival that is held at Recreation Park in my hometown of Arlington Heights, IL. Craig. Ah, Craig. He was absolutely gorgeous, and he had a southern accent, he was just visiting from all the way down south in, um, SOUTHERN Illinois, and rumor had it that he had a girlfriend back home that he did IT with on Wednesday nights. I still, to this day, have no idea what was implied by "it" - but, you know, I know at the time I was sure it meant he went ALL THE WAY.
I had absolutely no idea why on earth Craig might be interested in me. I was gangly and awkward, having just entered puberty. My hair was goofy looking. I had absolutely no fashion sense. My teeth were crooked, and I'm sure I smelled funny. I haven't changed much.
I have mentioned, of course, that I spent most of my teenage years steadfastly refusing sex. Craig was certainly not going to go "all the way" with me.
Craig, however, was either desperate to try, or saw something in me that I did not see. He spotted me at the drinking fountain in the activity building while I was waiting for my friend Claire to use the bathroom. Or maybe I spotted him. Or, more likely, his cousin, Kip, spotted Claire, and I was just someone who had to be dragged along for the ride.
At any rate, Craig spent the day riding rides with me. He held my hand on the zipper (the RIDE called the Zipper, you perv! Not his ACTUAL zipper) and he shared his cotton candy with me on the ferris wheel. I have absolutely no recollection of what we might have talked about, but as the day drew to a close, we agreed to meet up again that evening. Frontier days was a day and night affair, and I pretty much spent the bulk of the three day weekend there at the park, where Claire and I could ogle the Tilt-a-Whirl operator (who also had an amusingly appealing southern accent and who we thought was flirting with us and giving us extra long and "extra spinny" rides. He did give us this handy tip about the Tilt-a-Whirl for those of you who enjoy a good dizzy spell: The metal bar you use as a sort of seatbelt for the ride is also a brake when lifted up, so the further down you can hold it, the more you are apt to spin.)
Anyway, back to Craig. Evening fell and I dreamily drifted back to the park for my rendezvous with Craig. I had no idea what was going to happen, but I had some sense that my life would never be the same after that evening. When I met Craig by the flying bobs, he held my hand and looked into my eyes with a strange expression that was unfamiliar to me. I was nervous. As we got into our seats and he put his arm around me, I moved my arm to put it around him, too, and I ended up punching him in the mouth. Those of you who read my autobiography will discover that accidentally punching people in the mouth at intimate moments is a continuing theme throughout my history.
At any rate, Craig forgave me. After riding some of the carny rides and playing some of the carny games and eating some of the carny food, Craig led me out onto the darkened tennis courts, adjacent to where the old folks (you know, parents) were listening to live music. I remember it was dark, and I could see the outline of Craig's head as he held me at arm's length, with his arms resting on my shoulders and his hands dangling down, barely touching my upper back. He had curly hair and white, white teeth that caught the carnival lights as he smiled.
He moved his head closer to me, and tilted it to one side. I kind of worked by intuition, as I had no clue how this kissing stuff went down. I just put my mouth on his and allowed him to persuade my lips apart with his tongue. I guess I figured it out and explored his mouth, too...because I remember distinctly that I tasted blood. (Thus, k8 suggests, explains the name "dru blood").
I think we kissed for a good long time. And I have pleasant memories of his tenderness towards me in those moments. I don't remember any words being spoken and I don't remember if I ever saw Craig again after that night. I'm certain that I didn't kiss him again. He either went home to SOUTHERN Illinois and talked about his girlfriend up north who he did IT with, or I was such a bad kisser that he didn't even want to try it again. It would be many many years before I would kiss another boy, but that was OK. My first kiss was pretty decent, and I'm thankful for that.
Claire dated Kip for what seemed to be an eternity. I'm not sure if they ever "did it."
I wonder if I should attempt to do a retrospective of all of the people I have kissed in my lifetime, since I seem to be on a makeout kick. Dunno that I can recall them all, but I'm not averse to making shit up. hahahahhaa
Enough
May 29, 2003
Walking home from the park, a thought occurred to me. Could it be that I was a better mom when I was horribly depressed, and the kids were the only thing that made my life worth living?
Certainly I have more joy and more energy now, but I also have difficulty prioritizing where to place that energy. The kids are foremost in my heart, but do they get the energy they got? And what is ultimately healthier for everyone, anyway? Is it better to feel joy for life, and have a multitude of interests and passions, or is it better to focus that joy on those who are most important? Is it better for the kids to experience a mom (or dad) who feels fulfilled on many levels, or is it better for the kids to be a mom's (or dad's) sole source of fulfillment?
And if it's a balance, what is "enough"?
I have a feeling this one might cause me to re-examine my thoughts on monogamy and autonomy, as well...although I have figured out that my current relationship kind of requires that I not invest all of my energy in my marriage partner (perhaps I'll explain more about that later.)
fat and feisty
May 29, 2003
I'm not sure what I can add to this post by fat and feisty that ms. polka dot has not so righteously exclaimed herself, or, for that matter, that Tish has not already said over and over again in her gently persistent manner. but I'm going to try. I guess this is a continuation of a topic that I dropped awhile ago, but am feeling like I need to come back to...and perhaps this is the start of the article that I need to write for hipmama.
While I can't say that I'm fat on purpose, I do know that I will never ever be of an "acceptable" or "normal" size. Which is totally acceptable and normal for me. I remember very clearly having a discussion about my size with my brother, who is a big jock, as is all of my family. He had just finished telling me that I set a bad example for veganism because I was fat. I had been vegan for about 2 years at that point, vegetarian for more than 10 years. I was at about my healthiest point, too, because I had recovered from m's birth (I think m was about 2 years old at the time) and was going to the gym doing aerobic exercises for about an hour and lifting weights for about half an hour 3 times a week or more. I had been doing this for about the past 5 years or so. I weighed about 170. I told him that was probably my ideal weight, because I wasn't gaining or losing weight from there, and I felt physically good most of the time. (I totally miss going to the gym, by the way. It was great to have 2 hours of time to really just work on my body, and I always felt so awesome after a good workout. I walk a lot now, but I would really like to do some serious weightlifting on a regular basis...)
He was, of course, aghast that a woman could feel that 170 was an "ideal" weight. In fact, the discussion was prompted by the fact that he thought his fiance was FAT at about 130, and I felt he was being at best mean and at worst abusive by telling her she "better not gain any more weight after they got married." I called him on it, and I had to hear him tell me that I made veganism look bad because I was overweight. Oh well, hopefully he stopped picking on his wife.
My brother's not all bad. He's not an evil guy...in fact, he's pretty "normal." Which freaks me out. I do consider that some people might look at me and think I give vegetarianism a bad name. I am certain people look at me and think I can't possibly be anti-consumerist because, well, I'm fat - and therefore I must be a super-consumer. I wonder sometimes if the way I look is inconsistent with my lifestyle. And, actually, I've had to call people within various movements on their anti-fat rhetoric and bullshit. Because, in reality, I am healthy. I am careful about what I consume - both with my mouth and with my wallet. You might look at my body and see excess caloric intake. I look at my body and see remnants of two wonderful pregnancies and a whole lot of living.
And I'm not interested in "setting an example" for veg*ns - positive or negative. Because any movement that places an expectation of culturally implicated perfection as a goal isn't a movement that I wish to be involved with.
I did it.
May 29, 2003
Thanks for the AWESOME back up advice and reminders!
I reformatted and reinstalled windows (actually, it was as simple as doing a system recovery from the factory disks...much easier than I had thought it would be). I've had crazy trouble every step of the way, though. Like, when I first decided that I was going to wipe the system and start over, my sound card suddenly became incompatible with XP...or the driver did. And then, as I was going to back up some stray files that I hadn't backed up, suddenly my cd burner didn't work (driver problems, also). Apparently service pack one for xp is totally incompatible with my little old VAIO laptop, but none of the other people I work with had the trouble I did.
Now that I have everything up and running again, the copy of office xp that I have borrowed from work to install has a huge scratch on it and will not install. Sucky!
But, here I am. I was able to restore all of my trillian buddy lists and passwords, and I don't think I forgot anything vital. I'm just really hoping that the archiving I did on my old outlook files retains everything.
I still have to reinstall some stuff like ftp software and some sort of file sharing software...any suggestions? There's a post on randomwalks about good music sharing apps...anyone have any preferences? I've been using kazaa lite, but it's lacking at the more punk end of the spectrum. Of course, I did just discover that punk planet has free mp3 downloads, too...gimme some good sites/apps for music (no spyware!!!) and I'll be yr best friend for life.
Some Quickies...
May 28, 2003
In case yr tired of reading all of these super long posts:
Does anyone else feel an overwhelming urge to scream "FUCK YOU!!!!!" whenever they encounter someone driving a HUM FUCKING VEE? I mean, come ON. NO one needs to drive anything that FUCKING huge.
This morning, cy woke me up by patting my chest and saying "Ahhhh...magnificent boobies."
My car....you know, the one that I just spent 1300 dollars to repair oh, about FOUR months ago...is going to cost 700 bux to repair this time. New brakes, new battery, tune up. All necessary, all wear and tear. I suppose that's the drawback to buying a used car.
Does anyone want to donate money towards me getting a cute haircut for my road trip?
When you hang stuff out on the clothesline and it rains...do you just let it dry again, or do you rewash all of the clothes?
Speaking of clotheslines...mine is under a tree. I find myself having to rewash one or two items that the birds use for target practice. Do you think I need to maybe strategically place some sacrificial clothing there?
Does anyone know of a good sunscreen that doesn't sting the shit out of sensitive skin? I tried to put children's sunblock spf 30 on my face yesterday and it burned like a motherfucker as I sweated it all off walking to the bus stop.
There were more, but that's all I can think of right now. Hope yr having a great day. More substantial posts forthcoming. I've had a rousing afternoon filled with Go Fish playing and dancing to They Might Be Giants.
advice needed
May 28, 2003
Tonight, I'm going to attempt to completely reformat my hard drive and reinstall windows. I think I have everything backed up, but I always manage to forget SOMETHING. So, tell me...what do YOU always make sure to back up before reformatting?
Inspiration Overdose...
May 28, 2003
I have about 4 or 5 posts queued up in draft form (basically just a link and a note to get back to it later) and virtually no time to post anything. It's funny, because just the other day I was feeling like maybe I needed to take a break from blogging because I didn't feel like I had anything to say, and all of a sudden I have more to say than I know what to do with.
However, cy's feeling particularly needy today...and I got a late start & couldn't really get any good writing time in this morning, so I'm going to have to wait until tonight at work or after before I'm able to write anything.
And while I was writing this, I had about 3 more ideas for things to write about...
Argh! I need a mindread machine!
anti patriot act products and information
May 28, 2003
Thought this might interest some of you. I'll probably be back to check it out when I have more time.
Respectful Speech and Children
May 28, 2003
Yesterday I ran to the grocery store on my break to grab a few things to eat at work. I was roaming the aisles, looking for quick and healthy snacks, and I heard a little girl telling her mom about her loose tooth:
Little Girl: Mom, my tooth is wiggling.
Mom: It's wiggling?
Little Girl: I'm wiggling it. It's wiggling and it's going to fall out soon. Do you think it's going to fall out soon? When will it fall out mom?
Mom: ...
Little Girl: Mom! Mom! My tooth is loose. I'm wiggling it and I think it's going to fall out soon. It's really loose.
Mom: ...
Little Girl: Do you think if I keep wiggling it, it will fall out?
Mom: OK! OK! I heard you say your tooth is wiggling and it's loose. I HEARD YOU. You have to stop interrupting me!
Little Girl: ...
This exchange affected me deeply. At first, I was angry with the mom for talking to her daughter that way. It was obvious the little girl was excited and the mom was basically ignoring her. I wasn't quite sure what the little girl was "interrupting" as they appeared to just be walking around with a shopping cart, looking for groceries. I didn't know that required such close attention. Yeah. At first I was pretty mad at the mom.
And then I thought about all the times I've hurried my kids through a conversation or told them to be quiet so I could do something that wasn't actually that important in the grand scheme of things. I thought about all of the times I've said "OK! OK!" to m when he's been excited about something, and I thought about the deflated look on that little girl's face, which was somehow easier for me to witness and really take in than it would be for me to notice when my own boys are feeling deflated due to my reaction to them.
And I realized that the little girl and her loose tooth and her distracted mom (who might very well have been listening to this talk about the tooth for 24 hours or so for all I know - or she might have had other things going on that I'm unaware of...or maybe she really did feel badly about snapping at her daughter and they were able to talk about it later - either way, it is really none of my business to judge an incident like that) had offered me an opportunity to really examine my own interactions with my children, and bring more mindfullness and presence to those interactions - renewing my commitment to respectful speech and behavior.
Loving Living on Less
May 28, 2003
Two posts about driving and cars here from living on less:
The automobile really is a curse on our civilization. It's not just the pollution that's a problem (I guess we're all aware now about global warming?); it's the social attitude that it encourages. For a better look at what this entails, I'd strongly recommend Andre Gorz's "The Social Ideology of the Motorcar." The automobile helps to atomize people while leading to the destruction of pedestrian thoroughfares and community spaces; it puts many people in potential death machines (many more people in this world die every year from traffic accidents than from wars); and it provides a poor and illusory (yet highly marketable) substitute for freedom (just take a look at your average car commercial, and that becomes obvious).
Reminds me of why my friend M is so cool. I ran into her today while walking to the bus stop. She was gleefully carrying her 2 year old in a sling, having just gotten off the bus from maude knows what errand or event. She's so OUT and ABOUT and totally car-free. I don't think I would leave the house nearly as much as I do now if I didn't have a car, and I don't really leave the house that much as it is.
Anyway...living on less is really cool. You should read it.
Towards a Rhetoric of Weblogs
May 28, 2003
Jordynn has completed her scholarly essay on the weblogging community, particularly centering around the We Have Brains collaboration. I haven't yet read the entire thing, but what I have read has been excellent. I'm proud to be included on her list of collaborators.
In this web essay, I bring together three strains of rhetorical scholarship--feminist studies of online communities, hypertextual and post-hypertextual rhetoric, and post-critical research methodology--in order to better understand the nature of one blogging community, We Have Brains, a collaborative writing project (or collab) dedicated to exploring feminist issues.This essay is a result of an exploratory study I undertook with members of We Have Brains to understand how people interact in the collab. (You can read more about my methodology here.) Although I learned a lot from this project, some of my main findings involved the nature of interaction, the function of weblog content as social currency, and levels of access to blogging, not only in terms of blog technologies, but also in terms of access to blog communities themselves.
The article forced me to look back on the whole sexism in blogging thing. It's interesting that the discussion that was spawned by the Chronicle article about blogging back in March got such interesting commentary among more academic folks, but was absolutely derided locally. Ah, well. I do live in the middle of Texas, after all.
At least I have the internet, where everyone is, um, color blind and gender neutral. Right?
High Pesticide foods
May 27, 2003
Here's a site that lists fruits and vegetables that typically have high levels of pesticide contamination. The site lists explanations of each item on the list, but I thought I'd just copy and paste the list here so you can see it:
Fruits
1) Peaches
2) Apples
3) Strawberries
5) Nectarines
5) Pears
6) Cherries
7) Red Raspberries
8) Imported Grapes
Vegetables
1) Spinach
2) Bell Peppers
3) Celery
4) Potatoes
5) Hot Peppers
Pondering Car-Free
May 27, 2003
One of the consistent and persistent arguments I have been having with L has centered around finances. Specifically, we need a couple of hundred more dollars a month to have some breating room, and he's unwilling/unable/not ready/whatever to go to work. OK, that sounds unfair. He really would like to wait until c is out of diapers before we consistently leave him with another person, even if it is only for 2-3 hours a day...which is understandable, BUT I'm not sure how much longer we can live off of the last little bit of the 401k that I have been slowly draining over the past 2 years or so.
Our last argument...the HUGE one that I talked about the other day...the one where I cursed him OUT...was about this issue, so I've been thinking about our finances for a few days now, trying to come up with a solution that doesn't involve getting another job. We spend a lot on groceries every month, but there's not a huge amount of waste there. The kids eat a ton, and I've already had to WAY cut back on organics. L's a genius in the kitchen even if he does complain all the time about having to work with rice, pasta, beans, and an assortment of boring vegetables all the time. I'm subpar, but I get by. We're not terribly big spenders, although we do each get an allowance of about 60 bux a month for whatever it is that we need incidentally. I have been hanging clothes on the line almost exclusively since the dryer went out (although I've also grown to depend on disposable diapers more because laundry takes so fucking long, and because almost all of our cloth diapers are totally worn out and I don't want to buy new ones so late in the game) and we keep the air around 80, with fans blowing all the time.
So...I was thinking. The car.
The car broke down on...um...Saturday night? or was it Friday? I can't remember. And here's the thing. Having a car doesn't just bring the expense of having a car, it also brings the economy of not being able to jump in the car and just go somewhere whenever the urge arises. And I'm not a particularly "jump in the car" kind of person, but living without that ability for a few days has helped me to realize I am more than I care to admit.
Insurance for the car and gas for the car run about 100 or so bux a month. The car payment runs about 160 or so. I'm not sure what I'd get for it if I sold it, and I'm not quite ready to actually sell it YET (I got a road trip to go on. People to see, places to go) BUT it's comforting to think this through and to not have to feel so trapped financially.
Say I got rid of the car. The biggest challenge of being car free that I can think of is grocery shopping. Well, I have a wagon and I have two legs and I am capable of walking to one of the neighborhood grocery stores (or the neighborhood farmer's market that I sadly never use) in times of need. I am about 1/4 mile from one grocery, about 1/2 mile from the farmer's market, and about 1.5 miles from another, bigger grocery. There are no organic/vegetarian friendly markets close by, but I really only do my major grocery shopping every ten days, and I've cut down my visits to Whole Foods to twice a month, mostly to buy soy milk and rennet-free cheese. I have been getting down on myself for eating cheese lately anyway, so if I give that up, all I need is soy milk and the occasional specialty item, and I could probably bus down to Wheatsville for those things and gain the added benefit of using a co-op rather than a corporate grocery store. Worse comes to worse - I call a cab and STILL come out ahead $wise at the end of the month.
I think I've thought about this before...this way out of our financial hell. It seems logical, particularly right now as I'm about to invest a buttload of money in the car. Perhaps I shouldn't wait until I have to sell the car so we can pay the mortgage...maybe I should just put my plan into action now...and just PRETEND I don't have a car...and see how long I can go without.
By the way, it has now officially been one year since I seriously started seriously taking the bus. Pretty cool.
Birds
May 27, 2003
There are many things about walking that make it preferable to driving, and even though it's fucking hot outside, I really do enjoy my walks to and from the bus stop and wherever else I need to go. I notice things more when I walk, and I have more time to think. Really, I'd be set if I could get some sort of a mindread machine and blog while walking along. I dunno about how the people who have to read it would feel, but it'd be cool to be able to just braindump and then sort through later.
Anyway, today I remember I was thinking about birds. There were two or three other things I thought about, but birds are what stuck with me. Because it's spring, and there are lots of dead birds on the ground, and that's one of the many things you just don't get to see if you are always stuck in a car way up high off the road.
The other day at homeschooler park day, there was a baby bird flapping around on the ground. I kind of ignored it because, well, my kids have seen baby birds flapping on the ground. They know that it's best to leave them alone and let mom and dad bird take care of it. In fact, during the rescue mission I'm about to describe, m approached me and I asked him if he wanted to see the baby bird and he basically said "Nah...I've already seen baby birds." And he fondly reflected on the two baby blue jays that he and papa had observed (while dodging decapitation missions of mama and papa bluejay.)
Anyway, as I sat and watched my children at play, a ruckus erupted over the baby bird. A mom arrived who just could not stand to see this baby bird who had so helplessly fallen from the nest (never mind that the bird was a fledgling who was JUST ABOUT ready to fly...and was most likely pushed from the nest by mom and/or dad, who generally know how to take care of such things). There was much ado and running about before heroic homeschool mom found a cloth diaper and was able to pick up the baby bird and dodge the attacks launched by mom and dad bird as she relocated the baby to a small patch of trees by the tennis courts.
And there was much rejoicing. Children cheered. People wept with joy. Mom and dad bird chirped angrily. Baby bird either quietly recovered from or succumbed to shock. Heroic homeschool mom placed the soiled diaper in an airtight container to be sanitized later, and bounced off to the car with what appeared to be a self-congratulatory air...
...and returned with a big old bucket of chicken for herself and her children to eat for lunch.
People really fucking amuse me.
Oh, yeah...NOW I remember...
May 27, 2003
...why I was hiding from the news. Editorials like this one make me feel so totally helpless to fight against our renegade governement:
How can this be happening? Most people, even most liberals, are complacent. They don't realize how dire the fiscal outlook really is, and they don't read what the ideologues write. They imagine that the Bush administration, like the Reagan administration, will modify our system only at the edges, that it won't destroy the social safety net built up over the past 70 years.But the people now running America aren't conservatives: they're radicals who want to do away with the social and economic system we have, and the fiscal crisis they are concocting may give them the excuse they need.
Krugman asks when people are going to wake up. I'm awake, but it's so tempting to crawl back into bed and pull the covers up over my head. Seriously. I'm at a loss for what to do.
Back to Work.
May 27, 2003
I just realized that I haven't really been at work for almost 5 days. I left early on Thursday, and I haven't been back since. So, today it's back to work, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
I also realized that I haven't been paying any attention to the news. I have no clue what's going on in the world, and I'm starting to get a little anxious about that. So, I suppose it's back to work in that respect, as well. Because I swear, if I spend much more time writing posts about my "inner work" I'm going to totally not want to visit my own blog anymore. hahahahaha. Not that "inner work" is a bad thing, mind you...but I'm kinda on "inner work" overload right now. And I want to get back to being disgruntled here and joyful over at Artery and can the introspection for a bit.
Of course, you know I SAY this, but I'm all the time lying about this kind of thing. You'll probably come back here tomorrow and find 20 or 30 posts about some obscure emotional revelation I've had.
It's just the way I am. Deal with it.
24 HOURS of cleaning!
May 26, 2003
I can't fucking believe I have spent the bulk of the past 24 hours organizing and sorting the toys. If you were to walk into my house right now, you would think I hadn't tidied or cleaned for more than 24 days. It's a mess, but all of the toys are properly segregated in their own little bins and containers, c is asleep after having spent most of the day in front of the television (he even fell asleep rocking in my arms in front of a TV show), m is playing darts after having spent the entire day acting out aggressively his need for more attention from me. I'm sweaty, my ass hurts, and the DAMN TOYS are FUCKING organized.
Anyone want to come and do my dishes for me? Seriously. Because, FUCK the kitchen. I am not going to sleep until I have fully reclaimed the living room and all of these bins and boxes are tucked away in m's loft.
Trying something new...
May 25, 2003
OK, so I've been struggling with cy's sleep routine on and off for his entire life. And tonight, I'm trying something new. We initiated bedtime at around 10:30 PM, and after at least one aborted attempt, I finally decided it was time to really explain to him how it's going to be. Mama is no longer going to lay in that bed for an hour and a half getting more and more furious while cy kicks and pinches and pokes.
So, after another 10 minutes of snuggling and enduring said pinches, kicks, and pokes, I gave cy his Eeyore stuffed animal to snuggle with, kissed him on the forehead, and calmly left the room.
He, of course, followed me.
And I calmly picked him up, brought him back to the room, tucked him in and left.
It took him ten minutes this time to come out here...and there was no crying. I have to go bring him back...
OK, I am sure I'm going to be bringing him back to bed for the next hour or so, but maybe it will work tomorrow.
Sigh.
UPDATE: Well, it took about half an hour and about 4 or 5 returns to bed, but he finally fell asleep. I think I'm going to try this again tomorrow and see if it gets any easier.
A Day.
May 25, 2003
Today was just kind of "a day." Nothing overly exciting happened, and nothing horrible happened either. I didn't really end up going out for any length of time. I walked a mile to the bus stop and then rode the bus for half a mile to treat myself to lunch, and while I was eating, I just started thinking that I would really rather be at home getting more stuff done than out and about just for the sake of being out and about.
So I came home. And I cleaned out the car, and hung some laundry and folded a shitload of clothes, and took a nap, and made some yummy dinner, and hung out with the kids, and hung out some more clothes...and it felt good to get so much accomplished around here. I still have plans to clean up the living room, but I think that's more of an "after the children are asleep" activity, as it will require going through bin after bin of toys and organizing them into their own smaller bins...and if I attempt to do this in front of the children, things will get played with, which is Not A Good Thing when one is attempting to organize.
Just as cy was waking from his nap, Uncle R and his girlfriend came over and brought toys for the boys. They just kind of walked into the house, which - i mean, I'm glad they're comfortable enough and feel welcome enough to do so, but I was dressed in my "not receiving visitors" clothes (thankfully I had already thrown a skirt on, so I had something covering The Hole In My Shorts that Shows My Ass) and I felt a little weirded out. Yes, folks, I am a total prude around most people. I am perfectly comfortable wearing a revealing tank top with no bra and holey shorts around the house and even out hanging laundry while the neighbors are in the yard or even out to take the trash to the curb, but if someone I know knocks on the door while I am thusly clad, I fly into a panic and rush to throw on more clothing. Unfortunately, I'm also somewhat embarrassed of my prudishness, so - while I was uncomfortable being so scantily clad in front of my husband's brother and his girlfriend, I was not willing to admit to this discomfort and put more clothes on.
Anyway, they didn't stay long, and I managed not to flash too much floppy boob while they were here. And the magnetic dart board they brought for m was a very nice gift...and right now m is singing to c from the songbook they brought for c (it has a little piano attached to it) - and Uncle R seems to be doing significantly better than he was doing the last time we saw him. So it was a nice visit - and they promised m they would come back tomorrow to play with him, which is also nice. The kids really love Uncle R - particularly cy, who, during the year-long Uncle R drought, would approach every male we encountered and say "Uncle R?" hopefully. When I told Uncle R this when he finally came back for a visit, I think he almost cried. And it really truly is amazing, considering cy was just barely a year old when Uncle R disappeared for a year.
Anyway, now we're just kind of hanging out. The kids had a snack and I'm taking a little time to write this long, boring blog entry. I had some thoughts earlier about the civilian death count in Iraq, and that essay that I"ve been wanting to write about the ratio of civilian to military deaths in post vietnam-era wars...but it makes me too angry to think about it, so I'll have to wait until the kids are in bed.
Speaking of anger, I've been able to regulate my bitchiness a bit better with the kids. HOWEVER I had a huge fight with L last night and I was AMAZED at the level of vitriol I expressed. I think I was downright verbally abusive to him and, although I think my anger was justified, my expression of it was frightening and just plain wrong. At the same time, it could be that I was totally repressing that anger, and releasing it at L has allowed me to be more authentic with the children. I think I need to find a better way to release, obviously...And the thing is I feel pissed about having to apologize for my behavior to L because I don't want him to think that I'm at all saying that my anger was unjustified. I'm going to have to calm down a lot more before I'm able to approach him about this. And what sucks is that the entire day was so peaceful between us, and we really have been in a very positive groove with each other, even making stabs at being intimate in ways that we have avoided for a long time.
Come to think of it...perhaps this fight was more of an unconscious attempt by one or both of us to upset the apple cart. Meaning, if we are pissed off at each other, we don't have to continue venturing forth into scary intimacy land where we will be vulnerable towards each other. I mean, he had to know that the things he was saying were going to piss me off. In fact, I warned him that he had better leave me alone altogether as I was paying the bills, and I am always greatly stressed when I pay the bills, but he persisted not only in proximity but in subject matter. And then my reaction was way overblown. I mean, I don't think I have EVER cursed someone out as much as I cursed him out. It was awful. And of course, rather than retreating to our own corners to kind of avoid further damage, we kept at it. So, yeah. I'm thinking it wasn't entirely unintentional, even if it was entirely unconscious. and, wow...I don't ever want to do that again.
Blah.
so, um, where was I? oh yeah...tonight. Still. I need to somehow get this baby to bed when/if he actually gets tired. He took a nap today, so there's no telling. And then I'm actually LOOKING FORWARD to sitting down in the living room and sifting through box after box of toys. Perhaps I'll even watch a movie or something while I do it. And tomorrow I have a day off, but I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do...probably more cleaning and organizing, especially if Uncle R hangs out with the kids for awhile. And Tuesday I have to have the auto shop tow the car in to fix the whatever it is that's wrong and have a good hard look at the brakes and i really really hope it's not too terribly expensive.
I'm certain that I have way overshared in this blog entry, but I'm throwing caution to the wind and publishing it anyway...because no one really reads blogs on holidays, right?
I feel like a dork.
May 25, 2003
Because I have this ladyfest wristband, but I'm so totally NOT in the mood to attend any of the events. I guess I was in the mood yesterday, but with the kids acting all hyper, I lost all desire to sit in a room and listen to someone talk to me about stuff. And then I got home, and the car broke down (I think there's something wrong with the starter - because, um, the car won't start...and it's not the battery because none of the accessories are burnt out) and I had spent so much time listening to small people yelling and screaming the last thing I wanted to do was to go to a show and hear a band yell and scream. So I flaked on the show.
I think there's a good reason why I don't usually feel like seeing bands play that often anymore. For one thing, there was a point in my life where going to shows was at least a twice a week event, and I enjoyed it. These days, though, I would be more comfortable being up on stage expressing that rage and that emotion than having to listen to it. And, really, I only ever went to shows to see my friends anyway, and these days, none of my friends really go to shows. So, yeah. Tribe8's a great band, and they put on a great show, but I've seen them several times already and I'm sure I didn't miss anything new. I don't regret staying home.
But today, I thought I would at least attend SOME ladyfest stuff. L told me last night that I could have extra time today since I didn't really go out yesterday. But this morning I checked the schedule and, while all of the workshops seem cool, i'm just really not in the mood to hang out with a bunch of people and talk about this stuff...or listen about this stuff. I'm in more of a solitary mood, I guess. But I feel bad because a) I was unable to really help Rosa Maria as much as I would have liked to and b) I was given this wristband and I'm not going to use it. I still haven't cut it off even though I know for sure I'm not going to use it. Oh, well.
You know what? I kind of have this feeling that I'm not designed to attend these conferences...mostly because I'm just not into sitting in a large group and talking about stuff. I'm much more into intimate settings and discussing things with one or two people. I dunno. Maybe it's just not my thing, and I should stop getting down on myself for my lack of enthusiasm. It SEEMED like a good idea...and it probably IS a good idea for most people...but it just ain't my thing. I'm not looking to network, and I'm too busy trying to figure my shit out to sit around trying to figure out everyone else's shit, too.
So there. I'm just going to try to take a little nap and then I'm going to catch the bus and go hang out somewhere by myself and enjoy some silence.
I hope yr having a good day.
Mindful Parenting.
May 24, 2003
This may come as a shocker to some of you *ha ha*, but I am somewhat...um...ok, EXTREMELY distractable. I think I've talked before about my overarching NEED to multi-task, and I tend to run in fits and spurts, where I have several ideas all at once, and if I don't act on them, they disappear.
Oddly enough, at the same time, if I set out to achieve a goal or perform a task, I REALLY FUCKING HATE to be interrupted. I'm not sure how that can exist alongside the need to multi-task, but perhaps it's more about predictable vs. unpredictable interruption - kind of along the same lines as the fact that I can't tickle myself, you know? I am capable of doing several things at once, as long as I get to control when my focus shifts.
While I don't believe these traits are necessarily negative, I'm discovering that this is interfering with my ability to parent mindfully. And, lately, with cy hitting a stage where he's almost always ON (and he no longer takes naps) parenting RESPECTFULLY has become a real struggle for me.
As a parent, I have really high standards for how I should treat my children, and I don't always live up to those standards. This has always been the case, and I'm fairly forgiving, as all parents need to be of themselves...but lately I find myself justifying my fuck-ups by telling myself "well, you are doing so much better than your parents did...so don't worry about it."
This worries me. So I feel like I need to take some time and really, truly reflect on what's going on and what I can do to kind of get more of a grip on how I am handling myself. And, guess what! You get to witness! Yay you!
OK, so here's what I'm thinking. Lately, a lot of the tension and stress has to do with cy's willfullness. He's very definitely developing a sense of the power he has to control certain situations by screaming or refusing or even outright misbehaving. Some of the most volatile moments we have had lately have been around bedtime. He gets tired, we lay down together, he nurses, and where he used to calmly drop into sleep, now he flops and flips and kicks and pinches and pokes and generally does whatever he can to avoid falling asleep.
Wait...I say "used to calmly drop into sleep" when I mean, on good days he falls into sleep - because I realize as I type this that this kind of bedtime restlessness has always existed with c, FROM BIRTH. The problem now is that I have all of these expectations that a child who is closer to 3 than 2 should a) be able to fall asleep without having a warm body next to him and b) be really fucking tired after having been awake for about 16 hours without a nap, and be ready to just go to fucking sleep without giving me so much damn trouble (see...there's that anger rearing its ugly head).
OK, I know both of these expectations are bullshit. I mean, they might very well be valid expectations, but they are obviously not true for c. And where I used to be able to just get out of bed when I realized resistance was futile, in hopes of trying again later, now I just lay there gritting my teeth, thinking "Damn baby damn no sleeping damn fucking needing me here damn shit hell damn fuck." Which I'm sure does wonders for that sleepytime vibe I'm trying to build up.
I remember all of the difficult sleep nights, when I used to just be able to lie in bed and concentrate on my breathing and count my breaths as I listened to cy try to match his breaths with mine, which is something that is so magical about cosleeping. I remember I would count to 60 once or twice, and if he hadn't at least calmed down by then, I would simply get up and go into the other room with him and we would try again later.
Here's something else that's going on now, though...I lay in bed, and my brain starts conjuring up all of these things that I COULD be doing if I wasn't laying there with cy, waiting for him to go to sleep. I almost NEVER fall asleep with him like I used to, and that's a sign that I almost NEVER allow myself to relax and let sleep come, which is probably interfering with his ability to relax AND is indicative of some of the other problems I'm having...
Because this sleep thing is really only the beginning. Lately I get so angry about the smallest things. I'm impatient with m's questions, I get pissed off at c's foibles, I get frustrated with the sounds they make and I'm slow to react when they call for me. I don't always act out this anger - thankfully, most of the time I am able to center myself, but I have been more snippy, and I've made some comments that I feel are at best not very positive and at worst downright demeaning.
In trying to figure out the root causes of this anger, I've come up with a list of things. While I understand that, ultimately, my anger is my responsibility...I think it's probably helpful to know where the other stress comes from that is more out of my direct control.
For one thing, cy is approaching that wonderful age of three, which is an anniversary for me. I was about his age when my parents started fighting pretty severely, and I am perhaps feeling like, with the difficulties in my relationship with their father, I'm already fucking up so bad that I feel hopeless about fixing that damage ?? or maybe it's just general stress from that anniversary
For another thing, I'm realizing tonight...since I decided to stay home rather than go out...that I hardly ever get to spend time in this house doing stuff I like to do without interruption. L gives me tons and tons of alone time - more than most parents I know get, but if I am home, it is generally assumed that I am "in charge" of the kids. He goes into his little hidey hole and locks the door and that's pretty much it. He'll poke his head out every once in awhile, but he generally avoids parenting duties. I tried to address this with him tonight, and he totally sees things differently. He's way wrong, and I'm hoping I can find a way to communicate with him that I need more time in the house without having to be present with the children at their every request. If for no other reason than that it would be nice to really FOCUS on cleaning the kitchen floor, you know?
Which leads to this next reason: we really don't have a lot of mom AND dad AND kid time around here. This is a direct result of having spent so much time on opposite shifts with L. We don't parent well as a team, unless it's a tag team. Which is fine, but I guess I'm struggling with the ideal notion of having this loving family all hanging out together and having fun. We are not this ideal. It's doubtful we ever will be this ideal. I need to just freaking get over this. hahahaha.
OK, so those are some of the external, out of my control things that I'm dealing with. Here are some internal things I need to work out to be more effective and mindful with the children:
Well, there's this book called Everyday Blessings that I probably should read. I cracked it awhile back, but it was when cy was still nursing and I had no time to finish it (although I somehow managed to read Jerry Mander's 5 arguments for the elimination of television during that same time period. Go figure.) That might be a good place to start.
I also really probably should go to see a therapist. Although my last therapist told me outright that my worries about not being a good enough parent were completely ill-founded. I told her about the things that I felt I needed to work on, and she kept telling me "Yeah. Parents get angry at their children. Children are annoying sometimes. Deal with it. You're OK." Which might be true, but I don't really enjoy walking around feeling, like, rageful (!) because my 2 year old child has just had his 4th temper tantrum in the last hour. So perhaps I need to find a therapist who has the same parenting values I have? Or maybe I need to explain myself better.
Here's a big one: i need to clean this fucking house and organize it in a way that makes it easy to keep clean. So often, the kids are all up in my hair because they just don't have any toys to play with. And they don't have toys to play with because the toys are once again spread out all over the house (and are currently in various boxes and bins as, in my attempt at reorganization, I have been picking things up off of the floor and putting them in boxes to "organize later"). I have yet to figure out how to convince m to keep his room clean, but he is helping a bit with chores now. It's just so hard to stay on top of things in this house. I had it organized for a long stretch last spring, but it all got away from me.
Admittedly, one of my biggest "problems" (and I'm not sure that it's a problem so much as a misprioritization) is that I have been in a writing mode for the last long while. So everything else really becomes secondary to getting my writing fix, either here or in my journal or wherever else it is that I spread the word. It's kind of strange that my POSITIVE, up mood might actually be causing some turbulence in the house...and it's more because of my lack of interest in cleaning than lack of interest in the kids. Like, the kids USUALLY come first (except at my designated writing times) and then comes my need to write, and my need to keep the house clean is dead last among all of these things. L does what he can, but he is not an organizer - he's more of a prep cleaner, which is a great help, but it doesn't solve the problem of me slacking.
So, I mean, I struggle with the idea that I should just stop putting writing at the top of my priority list for a little while and put cleaning and organizing up there, but there's this fear I have about that. Because there were so many years in there that I worked and took care of m and took care of the house and NEVER EVER wrote...and it was so easy to fall out of the habit and I was absolutely miserable. And I don't want that to happen again. This might not be a realistic fear, but it exists...and a solution must be reached.
Another thing I really need to work on is my focus. I need to really focus on what's happening at a given moment. i realized this so intensely yesterday when I was out back blowing bubbles with cy. Blowing bubbles is such a calm, relaxing thing to do, but all I could think about was how to transition from the bubble blowing into something else like hanging out the laundry or cleaning up the kitchen. I spent the entire time we were blowing bubbles FIGHTING BACK the urge to put an end to the bubble blowing! What's with that?! But I think I do that with a lot of stuff, and I think it's really bad for not only the kids but for me. I mean, certainly they must detect that I am not really concentrating on them, but the other things I "should" be doing. I'm not quite sure how to go about changing this tendency within myself. If it was just a matter of being mindful of it, that would be great, but I worry that it's so totally ingrained in who I am that it's going to be like quitting heroin or something.
Anyway, that's all I got right now. I'm going to publish this, and then come back and read it tomorrow. My action plan for right now is to just keep track of the positives and the negatives, and maybe write specifics down in my paper journal on a daily basis. Really give myself credit for what I'm doing right, and be brutally honest about where I'm fucking up. And maybe give it some context so I can figure out if there are certain settings or atmospheres that trigger specific behavior patterns on my part or the part of my children.
Wish me luck! I hope this was helpful to someone besides myself.
Zine Making
May 24, 2003
I'm starting to get kind of psyched about this zine workshop today. At first, I kind of felt like "What the fuck do I have to offer?" I haven't published a zine in about 3 or 4 years now, and I'm totally not hip to what's current in ziney-ness.
But today, while I'm hurriedly gathering things, and lovingly sifting through box after box of zines dating back to 1985...and looking at websites about how to make zine...and thinking about what to tell people about the art of zining...I'm feeling like there's no way to cram it all into an hour. There's just so much to tell people.
So I'm kind of considering writing an essay or maybe even doing a zine about how to make zines and the history of zines. Perhaps, if it's a zine, it can be multi-part (which would probably be more amenable to the limits on my time - I could focus on one topic at a time, cite examples, and give a bit of history of the zines that fall under that topic.) But I don't want to do this if the "market" is already way saturated with that kind of thing. Would anyone out there be interested in reading something like this?
Excellent Blog
May 24, 2003
Awhile back, I got an e-mail from the people who make this blog and I thought it was maybe a spam of some sort, so I didn't check it out (don't ask me why...I'm just weird like that with e-mails.)
But today, it showed up in my referral log, so I checked it out and am quite impressed. I'm hoping once I get a chance, I can send off an e-mail explaining the concept of Clothespins for the Revolution to them & maybe we can work together on that.
Confessions of a Makeout Artist
May 23, 2003
Suzie posted about the prioritization of making out...and between that and last night's gabfest at k8's house...I feel like I need to talk about the fine art of smooching.
I totally miss the days of making out, when I was young and felt it was unwise to go "further" than that. I would meet boys and kiss them and kiss them and kiss them until my jaw was sore and my lips and cheeks were chapped and chafed, and would go to work the next morning at my job at Kapular Marketing Research feeling like I had spent the evening doing deadlifts with my lower jaw...and it was great. I loved it. I still love it...
Except, when yr married, or perhaps even before that...like, once you've had sex with someone, making out always seems to fall to a secondary position. You start kissing yr partner, and before you know it yr fucking and there's no going back. Maybe that's just me, but the other people in the room last night seemed to agree with this. And I don't want to make my husband or any of my lovers out to be inattentive or somehow inadequate...I think, especially with kids around, there is just an economy of time that is needed. You gotta get yr kicks in before the kids wake up.
I'm all for good old-fashioned necking. I want to sit in an old car somewhere and make out until my jaw hurts, without any implications or orchestrations. I want to run my lips along someone's jaw, brush against his lips, pull his face towards me, and dance my tongue across his teeth. I want to lick, taste, bite and nibble neck, ears, lips, and jaw.
The problem, I think, is that it's somehow viewed as teasing to "just" kiss someone. I get the impression that, in my days as a makeout artist, the boys thought I was just leading them on - leading them to water and not letting them drink. The fact was that they weren't enjoying the lusty draughts I was giving them because they didn't appreciate the fact that sometimes a long cold drink of water is so much more satisfying than sweet wine or heady whiskey. Was I to blame for the fact that they couldn't/can't appreciate the art of kissing as a pleasurable end rather than a means to a frustrated denial?
It's not that I don't like sex, although I know in my life as a make out artist, I probably would have said that I hated sex. Sex is good. But, to me, making out is so much better. It's less messy, less scary in terms of potential consequences, it's something that doesn't cause those weird needs for possession quite so much, and it's ultimately portable.
Yeah. I totally miss my life as a make out artist. I miss the tension. I miss the tease. Most of all, I miss the overwhelming ecstasy of concentrating on one tiny section of the topography of sexuality.
Can I get a witness?
Not even Flat Stanley knows
May 22, 2003
Holy shit! This is RICH. So, I was just cruising random blogs on my blogroll, and I ended up here via metamorphosism. As Mig said, this is .GOV, not .org or .com. My favorite is this one, which explains the title of this post.
Sex Education and Play Dough
May 22, 2003
cy's playing with play dough while I make pancakes for breakfast. He's yelling out all of the different things he's making with the play dough, and I'm talking along with him.
Suddenly he holds up a little blob of play dough that does, remarkably, resemble his little uncirced penis, and we have this exchange:
c: I made a penis! Look mama! I penis!
mama: Wow! Yeah! A penis!
c: (bends the penis a bit and starts making shooting noises)
mama: Oh cy, don't use your penis as a gun.
bahahahahahhaha
blog crush!
May 22, 2003
OK - listen up. Believe it or not, we are nearing the end of the month, and I have a paltry amount of applicants for a blog crush. Come on, people...you know you want me to dote on you.
Just e-mail me and let me know why you think you are crushworthy (extra points if you actually know something about what I'm into) and I'll consider you.
And anyone who has been crushed on and has not received a crush mix, make sure you e-mail me yr mailing address so I can send one out.
Yes!
May 22, 2003
I am, officially, number 3 (although, more like number 2) on google for the search term UNBEFUCKINGLIEVABLE.
This seems significant, somehow.
UPDATE: Even more significant, perhaps, is the fact that I am also number three on the google search for pictures+of+cops+nightsticks.
Around the Blogs.
May 22, 2003
There don't seem to be too many people updating these days, but there are several who have issued forth some real gems in the last couple of days.
Tish talks about beauty, size acceptance, and the choices we make. She's got the comments hopping with thoughtfulness and reflection, and I have absolutely nothing to add, but I'm reading and thinking and reflecting over here...just not saying anything just yet. The permalinks seem to be a bit messed up, but just scroll down and read everything. In fact, start from the bottom and read up, yr sure to find some good stuff.
Monica writes a beautiful essay about night that you really must read.
Ms. Insane spends some time in her garden. I felt like I was right there with her, listening to the birds.
Me? I'm still keeping up with Artery, and enjoying the fact that I'm actually not only able to WRITE but also READ poetry again after getting utterly sick to fucking death of it. 10 years or so of publishing a small press poetry rag and having to read through ream after ream of...um...really bad poetry (and my idea of really bad is more like "overly academic" as I tend to believe we are all poets at heart, some of us just beat the shit out of our heart to achieve soulless drivel). I'm thankful to have at least one sparring partner there, and I'm having quite a time.
Right now, though, I have strange diaper odor boy to take care of. Hope yr day goes well.
UPDATE: Kara made me laugh at her misfortune. Woman, it has taken you THIS LONG to teach your child to say "OH SHIT" ??? For SHAME!
Body Count
May 22, 2003
Um, is anyone paying attention to the body count? Because there were, like, 800 new deaths reported overnight. Not new, mind you...the killing happened a month ago. I guess they're finally able to count the dead.
Current count? Almost 5000 at a minimum and well over 6000 at a "maximum" - although I suspect that will change as "stability" takes hold and enables more accurate reporting.
Um...is anyone going to call that a breezy, painless war? These are CIVILIANS we're talking about. Who wants to tell me that's "no big deal"?
Dino Pit
May 21, 2003
After spending the morning cleverly disguised as "uber bitch," I decided the kids deserved a nice little outing. So I took them to the Dino Pit at the Nature Center.
It was actually pretty cool, too. They basically have this whole thing set up where there are various sand pits and assorted digging and brushing implements, and the kids get to pretend they are mini paleontologists and unearth the concrete dinosaur bones and skeletons contained within. I don't know if it's something I would do on a regular basis (we go to the nature center a few times a month because m loves the hiking trails there) but it was an interesting novelty. And, even though most of the "bones" were already exposed, the kids seemed to get the gist of what was supposed to be done, and they had a great deal of fun playing in the rocky sand.
The best part for me was that the area is relatively enclosed, so mama had a chance to sit down and relax for a little while as the kids ran around and climbed on the various rocks surrounding the "pit." There are also some shaded areas, which will be nice during the long summer.
I'd say it was a pretty decent field trip. Especially because it was absolutely free. Well, except the gas to get there...but I suppose I COULD have taken the bus.
Now I'm kinda bummed because I had intended to sneak out of the house after the kids went to sleep (no, I was not planning to leave them alone, L is here) to hang out with Chris and k8, but it just didn't work out the way I had intended. Rats.
Ah, well. I'm hoping Chris lets me drag him to the tribe8 show on Saturday...or is it sunday? I can't seem to get my shit together these days...
This is hilarious...
May 21, 2003
The dullest blog in the world.
No. Really. It is. And I'm thankful, as there is now no question.
Link via Dawn who is (YAY!) back up and running.
Lime Green Bulldozer
May 21, 2003
I have a question...
who in their right mind would marry a woman who has a fucking bulldozer tattooed on her calf, and then expect this woman to be subservient and/or submissive and/or compliant?
Who? Who?
Why, my husband, that's who. I wish he would just give up and admit that he was looking for a bossy woman when he met me and stop trying to make me back down. I mean, fuck. Our lives would be so much easier if he would get over it. I don't know how much more upfront about my true nature I could possibly be.
Shrug.
Real quick...sending things out...
May 21, 2003
OK - I'm sending out crush mixes to the following people who have provided me with their mailing addresses (links to come later, as I'm enduring chaos right now):
and a surprise to someone else
I'm also FINALLY sending out the winter mix and kid mix that I owe to
Anyone who has been on my crush list and has not yet received a mix, please send me yr address. If you've already sent it, I've lost it and I apologize (now we know why I no longer do zines - I have lost all sense of organizing, even though I used to be the queen of the mailing list).
If you would like a copy of the winter mix or kids mixes - I have extras! So please consider dropping some money in the paypal account for postage and handling, and I'd be glad to send something out for you.