Dru Blood - I believe in the inherent goodness of all beings: June 2003 Archives

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at the request of ms. blood

June 29, 2003

first, next year you must stop off here in eugene on the way to seattle and let me feed you and mojito you and let the kids run with leroy and hang out wiht me and laugh your ass off. i do live in a two bedroom apartment but leroy will have bunkbeds in his room by then and we'll work it out if you can spend the night.

today was nice. this whole weekend was good in bigfatmama land. yesterday was too damn hot and leroy has learned to say mama i am bored. i laughed the first time i heard it. he has repeated it many times since then. he wants kid company. i took him to the rugrats movie. the best part was when i fell asleep. then we came home and took a great long nap. my back is feeling much better.

while dru was gone, i call you that! do you use your real name online? some of us do and some of us really do not and you have been dru blood for so long! anyway i was going to dig deep and write some stuff i have been thinking about but no, i've been in the shallow end of the pool, just seeing how each day feels and dealing with anxiety about my back and starting summer school.

today like yesterday we went to the park, leroy took a bunch of pictures which as a doting mother i posted at my lj, it's a slide! a swing! livejournal is perfect for those willing to be as self-indulgent as you want to be. that works well for me. i'm the one who will sit and look at your baby book. i want to see you naked and smiling and ordinary. i'd like to see a picture of you yelling or making dinner. i like all of it. all that stuff that gets filed under boring. i don't think so.

leroy is visiting with his dad again in two weeks. last time we had the power struggle over leroy's binkie. gary decided that when leroy is with him, he will not have a binkie. it's his rule. so my baby came home with his lips swollen from licking and biting them. i'm torn. i want leroy to make his own choices about the binkie and i also realize i gave it to him as a comfort object, what do i replace it with? who am i to decide he is done?

then i think well, he won't have it when he is with his dad and that will be stressful. so if we can get rid of it when he is with me there won't be the stress of not having it when he is with his dad. and of course i'm tired of losing them and looking for them and he wakes me up at night telling me he can't find his binkie. don't wake me up. i need my sleep.

i think he is close. i don't want him to feel punished or wrong. i think that this is his safer environment and it might be easier for him to deal with not having it when he is with me.

yeah! dru blood has exciting world changing conference news and in the tiny space in the world i am occupying at the moment it's all about leroy's binkie.

now the weather has cooled about 20 degrees from yesterday at this time and it's very cool and overcast out. i wish that it would rain.

it's fun to guest blog. i recommend it!

Posted at 10:23 PM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

So Much To Say

June 29, 2003

I'm more than halfway done with my vacation, just one more day in DC before I hit the road again, and I have so much to write about but no motivation to get it all down. Tonight I MIGHT post some thoughts about the CTCnet conference, which went really well in spite of the opening keynote speech and all its classism. The conference was saved well before today, but it became even more apparent that I'm in the right field when I heard Art somethingorother (I'm going to get his last name from my boss so I can write him a long thank-you e-mail) gave his speech about activism and advocacy. I have so so much to write about all of the inspiring people I met and/or learned from at the conference, I really don't know where to start.

I've had a fantastic time staying at the house of Pear, as well. I really don't think I can thank them enough for providing such a mellow and relaxing place, in addition to all else that they provided. It has been such a pleasure to be here and to hang out with the Pears.

Tomorrow, I will be heading out to some art museums with m and our friends J and her son, I. I'm hoping to meet up with Bellis (who made me laugh on the phone tonight, first because she called me dru, and second because she also listens to Pastor Sanders...and she actually LISTENED to all of my freaked out audblogs that I posted during that weird marathon traffic jam at the end of my journey.) and possibly Ms. Lorraine, who is such a sweet woman. We were going to get together tonight, but she wasn't feeling well, and I've been spending a lot of time tonight focusing some intense "feeling better" vibes on her not only because I so very much want her to feel better, but also, selfishly, because I would just love to see her again before I go. Either way, though, I'm going to beg for them to come to Austin sometime in the future - perhaps for sxsw next year? Pretty please?

Speaking of next year, the conference culminated with the announcement that next year's conference will be in (drumroll please) SEATTLE! So, um, I'm going to start looking for people in Seattle who might be willing to put up with my dog and pony show during the conference. I'm already sort of thinking that I might be able to leave the kids with one or both of my brothers who live along the way, but what an excellent road trip that would be! I'm currently accepting applications for travel partners for that one...serious inquiries only, please.

After tomorrow's big day, we'll probably turn in early so we can get an early start on Tuesday and drive through the National Park and onward to Nashville, where we will get to enjoy the company of Tracy and her little man again. Then I'm taking the decidedly more direct route home to Austin, perhaps stopping for the night once more along the way if necessary (it'll probably be necessary, but I'm thinking optimistically, for the sake of saving a little money.)

It's been excellent so far. m got a bit homesick today, but I think he got over it relatively quickly. c has done quite well, actually...and I have pretty much avoided driving almost the whole time I've been here, so I'm almost ready to hit the open road once again.

I hope everyone is doing well. I don't know if I will be posting much from this point until I get home. I'm loving the guest bloggers, although they seem to have disappeared here. I want to hear more from them! More!

Posted at 9:28 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Some Links

June 28, 2003

Here are some good links from the conference thus far:

Digital Sisters, Inc.
NetAction Virtual Activist Training Guide
Idealist.org
E The People
Petitionsite.com
Technology for Activists
Global Internet Liberty Campaign
Digital Empowerment
witness.org
justthink.org
mediarights.org
listenup.org
mediathatmattersfest.org
Poetic License

I'll probably explain more about these later. I just wanted to dump them here for now while I'm my "coffee break"

Posted at 9:49 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Classist Bullshit

June 27, 2003

...is what I wrote in my notebook while listening to the keynote speaker at today's festivities. She was talking about her wonderful community technology program in Palo Alto CA, and about how parents of the children in her community are "ill-equipped" to provide them with the tools they need to achieve "prestigious" jobs. And how the children she works with talk about how they want to become janitors and landscapers like their parents, and doctors and lawyers like the people they see on TV.

What the fuck?

Is this a progressive event, or is it an event that perpetuates the stigmatization of certain career choices?

Which is not to say that I don't see the value in promoting education to enhance choices among children in economically depressed areas, but can we not also be mindful of the vocabulary we use to discuss career choices and opportunities so we are not continuing to oppress those who either have no choice or actually choose to be janitors and landscapers?

I have a lot to say on this subject, but I've just been called back to session. I'd love to hear what everyone thinks about education and career options and why some careers are set up to be less worthy than others. Because I keep encountering this wall within my organization...and it frustrates me to no end. Obviously, our society is set up to make so-called "higher" education unachievable by all, so why do we then conclude that those who do not obtain a degree are somehow unfit or unworthy of decency, not to mention unable to turn around and provide their children with information necessary for them to make their own decisions about what to do with their futures.

No parent who cares about their children is "ill-equipped" I don't fucking care if you never even went to school, if you have a child and you love that child, you are perfectly equipped to find ways to help that child become whoever that child wishes to become.

OK...these are rough thoughts...more later. Please feel free to discuss for now, I'm not sure when I'll be back.

Posted at 12:52 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Hey Everyone...

June 27, 2003

I have arrived safely and have spent the last couple of days shuffling around DC and trying to keep the kids from totally destroying everything in the homes of my lovely hosts. Right now, they are in the gentle care of dear Lorraine, who has graciously volunteered (um, or unceremoniously demanded - take your pick!) to take on the monumental task of keeping them while dear mini pear is ill.

Can I even put to words how thankful I am that I am able to travel with kids and that I have such nice people to help me out? I don't think I can, but I certainly do appreciate it. And I want to put the word out that I would totally do the same for any wayward mama or papa out there who might want to pass through Austin and hole up in our hovel for awhile. In fact, I'm now pretty much dying to return the favor to anyone anyway I know how, because I'm completely feeling neurotic and weird about the amount of kindness that has been offered to me...all in exchange for my tired ramblings and little else.

At any rate, the theme for the last day and a half would, in fact, be tiredness. Near exhaustion. But there's that prick of anticipation, that "what comes next" feeling that I have that keeps me going. I was leafing through the paper, looking for cool stuff for me and the kids to do while we are here, and it occurs to me that we really have already done enough cool stuff to call it a vacation and just relax.

m had wanted to go to the zoo, and we did that, even though zoos make me really sad. The kids seemed to have the most fun in the mist sprayers that were located at various junctures in the park, and I don't think m even gaped at the big old silverback gorilla that was sitting right up against the plexiglass of his enclosure. Poor, sweet fella, picking at stalks of hay and flitting tired eyes towards the voyeurs of his life.

Little else monumental has happened, really. We hung out with Lorraine and Sol yesterday, and stayed with them last night. I am pleased to report that Lorraine and Adam and Sol are definitely authentic to the little digital voices I have been receiving over the past year. Truly wonderful people are so rare, yet seem so common in this space that I've found. And it's been so enjoyable to be in their presence.

Which is not at all to say that the wonderful Ms. Pear is any less enjoyable. It's just that I was more recently in the presence of LA&S...

cy is absolutely IN LOVE with Mr. Pear...we're going to try to get a picture of the look on his face whenever he sees him. It is high comedy in a very endearing way. The first time c met him, he exclaimed "[insert real name here] is here! HOORAY!" ran to greet him, and did not stop competing for his attention for the rest of the evening. Something tells me that the boys both miss their papa, although they haven't complained about being away from home. m did reflect fondly about the homestead last night, but almost immediately after, he began talking about our next trip, which will be to Portland, Maine...at a yet undetermined time, although if we have the money autumn after this coming, I would love to go. We want to be leafers touring the east coast, because the kids have never seen a real change of colors before.

Anyway, the Pears are wonderful hosts, as well, and they have such a nice, relaxing home. Ms. P is truly a wonder. I'm so amazed by her quilts and her sense of color and style. I don't even know if she recognizes how very calming her home is. Well, I'm sure it's difficult to recognize with my rambunctious children running about yelling POOOP! every 5 seconds. And I'm afraid I've inflicted m with a penchant for the word ASS, ever since I exclaimed about ass coma in the car during that horrible traffic jam.

So much more. Like, if you actually listened to those countless audblogs, you would know that I called into a talk radio show to BS about how I was with an organization called Ladies Against Women, etc. But what I didn't audblog was that they prayed for me later in the show. And the host was trying to make a case for the fact that I was Hilary Clinton herself. And that the host and his guest ACTUALLY SAID that if Hilary Clinton were elected president, "the ears of big sister" would be in everyone's homes.

Bahahahhahahahaahahaha

anyway, the conference is about to begin, and I best scoot into the aud. I just saw my nice boss wander past the door. There are links I'd like to add to this post, but I'll have to do that later. I'm pretty sure I'm spending my lunch break in here, so you'll hear from me again later.

Hope all is going well with everyone. And to anyone who thought I couldn't do it, NEENER NEENER NEENER. I'm here. I'm freaking invincible. And I have the best little travel mates in the history of the world.

Posted at 7:53 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

bigfatbackpain

June 26, 2003

i'm better today but still worried, although the pain is much less, almost gone, my left side is still locked. if i stand up and bend to the right side i go down. if i try to bend to the left i can barely move. so i was thinking of seeing a chiropractor today, hoping that would move this along. i don't know anyone down here. i have some money but seeing a chiropractor would make a good dent, i have about a hundred until the end of the month, about thirty bucks in food stamps. well, it's the 26th.

i walked leroy to school, moving slow but moving without pain, still not easily. i changed my schedule, he stays until 5, well, i pay until 5 mon-thurs now because my african american lit class gets out at 3pm. he won't stay until 5. i'll get there as soon as i can. it's working out. that feels good. i emailed my mentor in comparative lit for this paper and asked about credits, she said, as many as you need and feel better! that made me feel much better. don't you love it when people say yes?

and then leroy this morning was just a pleasure. he was running in the middle of the living room and we would both just laugh, it was like having a drug buddy, there was no script, nothing anyone else would understand just laughing and twirling craziness and happiness. he asked to wear his power ranger ninja storm tank top and shorts. he looked so fine. he went in the bedroom in front of the long mirror and did all these arm movements, his stance wide and low, my little ninja. i watched from the door. he turned and saw me and fell on the bed laughing.

i walked back from his school worrying about seeing someone i don't know, sometime chiropractors can mess you up and i don't want to go back, i want to go forward. i thought about what i could do. the air felt so nice. the little playground was shaded and cool and quiet. no one is around, it's summer term. i stood on the pavement surrounding the turtle and the wood chips. before tai chi class we didn't do standing meditation, we did some arm swinging and stretches, so i did a short very modified version. and then i started the form. just the first part, where you can close it. i don't know how long that is, when we went to the beach for tai chi weekends with people who didn't do yang we would always do a very short yang form together, sometimes over and over. that is what i did. then i heard some people walking, i was standing, preparing to do it again and i just kept standing, adjusting my body a little, remembering how that used to feel. there was the fence and the empty field and grass and trees. i felt like i was breathing them all in together. i heard the people leave the apartment and i did the form again. then i tried bending to the right. i got a few inches.

i had such a passion for tai chi. that is another thing i like best about myself, i am enthusiastic. i get excited. and then tai chi got mixed up with feelings about gary and anger towards sifu and hurt all over the place. but it used to be my favorite thing and it still can make me feel put back together.

Posted at 11:25 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

I am a diy sellout

June 25, 2003

jim jazz musician and i have been cutting our own hair for quiet some time but have become extremely disreputable looking in the process somehow. So tomorrow we have an appointment to have someone else cut our hair.
I feel really irritated that I have to spend actual money on a haircut for a four year old but Jim has taken up only cutting one side. This may be intentional, but I am afriad of the lopsided sunburn that will ensue.
Is it being too authoritarian to impose a symmetrical hairstyle on jim? I hope not but am thinking she will probably forgive me halfway home on the bus.

Posted at 9:13 AM • Comments (6) • TrackBack

audblog audio post

June 24, 2003

audblog audio post

i was in a house i used to live in with erik the acupuncturist. it was a large old house in ne portland, made of old growth and thick panes of glass in the windows but in my dreams it has rooms to the left on the second floor, it's huge and the floors are cracked and broken and lead to another large unsafe space and that space is where i used to live. in my dreams.

now my aunt ev and alisa were living in the house and we were checking out her trousseau. alisa was married last year. not in dream life. and ivyblogs from lj and xanga was there, her brother owned an ice cream shop and her freezer was full of those commercial ice cream tubs. she was scooping for the kids while we looked at fancy lingerie.

adam duritz was there and i was telling him about my plan to dread leroy's hair. this is against everything i am for. still, it was my dream. and usually there is a celebrity in my dream.

i woke up thinking about the house, which is often in my dreams. once my cousin joanna told me that houses represent the self. in my dreams this house is always the one i used to live in with erik and it is always bigger and more broken. my back is still hurting. i'm big and broken.

more like scenes from a dream than a whole dream narrative. i'm not apologizing! i am still moving slow and i won't go to school today. the thought stresses me out. last night i found some classes i can take later this summer and i'm relieved i can focus on my research paper. i wish i had bought those bell hooks books i was looking at last weekend! she inspires me to write, no matter what book of hers i am reading.

doesn't it sound like dru is having a wonderful time on her trip? she and the kids sound so happy.

Posted at 9:02 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

resident of the united states of love

June 23, 2003

hey it's angela aka bigfatmama at lj. it's past nine, leroy is sleeping, i have hair on the dvd for noise, i love to look over and see twyla tharp shaking her thing and hear nell carter, look at her so beautiful and young.

i hurt my back yesterday. it didn't seem like much, i left to run errands but by the time we had returned leroy's movies i was sweating and in pain, realizing the left half of my lower back was locked up and my legs weren't moving right. it got worse throughout the day. more painful. i was upset because today is the first day of summer school, i'm taking second year spanish and i knew absences would be tight.

when i called i got this woman who told me to go to class. i reminded her that i wasn't there because i injured my back. you have choices to make, she said. i said something rude. well, i was going to link to my blog but trying to live up to the people who are sure that i have NO shame, i will repeat what i said again. i said, "Is there someone in the office i can talk to who isn't a huge bitch?" that is what mama angie said. in my defense, she was real snotty and i was in pain. i lose my temper. i'm afraid for my new readers that wasn't the first time ever. it's monday morning. she works at a university. she has more good reasons to hate students than i did to be rude, i am sure.

anyway, ms. thing held it together and stuck me in a voicemail where i left an uncomplaining i really am a nice person message. linda called me back and told me i could pass the class if i attend tomorrow. i thanked her very graciously. still trying to prove my mother did not raise me in a barn.

so here is my problem for anyone still reading. i have this paper to write, a research paper and i have to present it at a symposium in early august. i haven't started it, except for the title and the theme. maybe i should skip spanish, take the financial aid hit and just focus on this paper which is a big deal and if it is good could help me a lot in getting into grad school.

hello people! dru is somewhere on the road with m and c and i'm here in my living room, which is in eugene, oregon, not my favorite place, not my hometown but it's better than i thought it would be and it is where i go to school at the university of oregon. leroy is singing, he just asked me what we were doing today, i ignored him! i was writing! now he is singing and i don't want to interrupt.

this is a terrible introduction! i'm going to see if i can pull it out! okay, my name is angie, i'm single mama to leroy xavier, who will be four in four weeks, tomorrow summer school starts and today for the third day in a row leroy woke up asking if he could go to school. so if you love dru blood for the unschooling you won't get that here! not that i don't have respect for that, and an interest, certainly, but mama needs to go to school! it pays the bills. it is better than working full time. and so baby goes to preschool. which obviously, he loves. he misses his friends. we just had a good talk about what we are going to do today. grocery shopping! sounds good to me!

i keep a livejournal where i talk about my life, being a mama, a student, someone who has found herself reluctantly in middle age. and of course being a bigfatmama. i think i'm on dru's blog roll and if i do a good job keeping it live while she's gone maybe she will crush on me next month. it could happen. she's so cute, right? i could use the love love. my sister mychele calls me angie two times because that was the baby talk i adopted when leroy was born, i said everything two times. mychele became aunt chel chel. love love. jam jams. milk milk. pretty bad, yeah? well, some people, who might have been trying to dodge the hormones said that as baby talk went it wasn't so bad.

that's it for me, not even nine am on sunday morning. look ma, no coffee! next time there will be. i mean it!

Posted at 10:37 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

m on Aging...and his "inside body"

June 22, 2003

I was having a conversation with m over dinner about how he can do many of the things that I can do, but not all of them. In a parental moment, I said "Yeah, well, there are some things you can do that I can't do, too."

Which was kinda dumb, because then I couldn't think of anything.

"I can fit in my fish floatie and you can't, mom."

"yeah..." I agreed, not wanting to stick with issues of physical size, I added "You can have a seventh birthday - I'll never ever be able to have a seventh birthday again."

I thought it might have been a bit esoteric for him, but he parried back:

"Well, yes you can, mom. Maybe not with your outside body you can't, but you can always have a seventh birthday with your inside body. Whenever you want to."

Why, yes I can, can't i?

He tied it all up in a neat package by saying:

"I'm glad I am the only one who knows what's going on inside my own mind, mom."

And all I can think about after this is...what an amazing child I have. I'm so very, very lucky.

And also...I gotta go, I think I have a re-do on my 26th birthday coming up in a month or so & I have some planning to do.

Posted at 12:00 AM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

I'm gone.

June 21, 2003

To bed with me, and then I'm gone as soon as we get up in the morning. This is actually my final post until I have some sort of computer access and time to post, but I'm putting m's words of wisdom at the top for something to remember me by until the imposters start posting.

I'm psyched. I'm totally prepared. I feel great, and I'm going to have an excellent time!

Posted at 11:46 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Revised to do list

June 21, 2003

I've completed some of the things on my to-do list and added more

~~Get k's contact information (and gather contact information of other people)~~ Done, although I still need contact info from a few people...I"m planning to e-mail them tonight or tomorrow.
~~Pack (making packing lists, too)~~
~~go on "no mail" on various e-mail lists~~
download e-mail to hard drive Wouldn't you know I managed to screw up outlook while setting up my e-mail settings, so now I have to reinstall it I even downloaded and installed all of the windows updates
Call AAA and/or State Farm to figure out travel insurance deal I'm hoping they'll cover me quickly
~~deposit stipend check~~ It was less than I was told it would be, but still more than I had initially expected
pay bills I'm procrastinating this for obvious reasonsfuck it...I'll just bring them with me and write checks from the hotel tomorrow evening.
~~find someone to take care of the dog~~
post request for road recipe ideas at "full bellies" It's probably a little late to do this. I am in no mood for cooking. I'll just get easy road food stuff at the store and cook when I get to DC
~~go grocery shopping for snacky foods~~
burn more cd's of mp3's in progress
clean out car not much left to do on this
~~clean out cooler and find insulated lunch bags for the kids~~
~~make sure insurance card is in the car~~
~~clean out backpack~~
find spare car key and money belt where IS that spare key?
~~um, it might be a good idea to look at a freaking visitor's guide and see what sorts of fun stuff we can do in DC. But maybe I'll wait until I'm there to do that.~~ I'm just going to wing it
~~Charge the digital camera and sync the pda~~
Pack the car (DON'T FORGET THE JUICE IN THE FREEZER)Pretty much done...I don't want to put anything valuable in there until the morning
~~Pack a backpack with one change of clothes for each of us (to bring into the hotel)~~
get ice for the cooler right before bed or first thing in the morning.

I have decided I'm going to go with full gadgetopia, computer, camera, pda and all...especially since I'll probably be trying to write curriculum while I'm at the conference. It's not going to take up THAT MUCH extra space to bring the VAIO, so why not? I can stash it under a seat somewhere.

I'm still concerned about the jack situation, and the roadside rescue thing. I NEED to call AAA tomorrow. I have no idea why I've procrastinated so freaking much.

I really think I WAY overbought the toys, but we usually do a little supply run at the beginning of each season, and much of what I gathered is educational, so I'm justifying.

I'll have one more day online...there's still time to request to blog for me while I'm gone. I think I have three brave volunteers so far...if I haven't set up an account for you, and yr interested, you should e-mail me.

I'm quite proud of my deception - I have m convinced that we're not leaving until Monday...and he's going to be totally surprised when I wake him up tomorrow and it's time to go! mwahahahahahaha

Posted at 11:16 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Happy Solstice...

June 21, 2003

I forgot to wish everyone a nice, lazy, hot, unproductive, sweaty summer.

Except those in the Southern hemisphere, who I hope have a nice, lazy, cold, unproductive, chilly winter.

The long days will make my drive that much easier.

Happy solstice!

Posted at 3:50 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Those Last Minute Decisions

June 21, 2003

I'm pondering these last minute things. I have already gone ahead and signed on to AAA travel services (thanks to some generous donations which made it a lot less painful to do so, financially speaking) and now I'm just sort of wondering about when to begin the journey.

On my last long trip, I discovered that it was best to sleep in for as long as possible and then hit the road when everyone was awake. This allowed me to be fully awake when we started the day, even if the kids were a little hyper by the end of the day. Waking up early and loading everyone into the car before the sun rises has its benefits, too...for instance, there's less traffic, the kids are more apt to fall asleep somewhere down the road, and I'm able to do a good long stretch during prime morning hours.

I'm not sure which of these methods to choose, although I am leaning towards the sleeping in as long as possible thing because right now I'm feeling kind of tired, and/but I have a feeling I'll be up pretty early in the morning due to pure adrenaline anyway.

I'll be going to the grocery store after work today to pick up road food for the next two days. My shopping list looks something like this:

hummus
tortillas (takes up less space than bread, and not as apt to get smushed)
peanut butter
crackers/graham crackers/rice cakes
nuts
fruit leather
fruit! (fresh and dried)
carrots & celery & green pepper (cy loves loves loves raw green pepper)
soy milk
jugs of water
juice boxes (for m, because he's such an awesome little guy, he deserves this little luxury, even though it's totally not a necessity)
calomine lotion (cy's got the sweet blood)
tea tree oil
kid calm (camomile to drop into cy's water)
perhaps some lavender incense or perfume oil spray to keep us calm in the car
I'll probably also make a huge bag of popcorn for us. yum! ...

Dunno what else I'll be needing, but that's what I'm going for, and if I see anything else that catches my eye, I'm throwing it in the basket. I'm hoping it doesn't end up being too terribly expensive.

I've cleaned out the car and put what I hope will amount to a day's worth of toys in individual tubs for the kids. m has lots of puzzle books and c has a bunch of stickers and things. I think they'll have fun with them.

I need to remember to bring m's little fan, because it gets hot in the middle seat.

What else? I don't know. I'm so excited, and I'm hoping my stand-ins are ready to post some cool stuff. I can't wait to read my own blog when I get a chance, because I'm sure the brave people who have volunteered to keep things interesting will truly keep things interesting.

This might or might not be my last post before the trip. I'll try to audblog from the road. hahahaha

Posted at 3:44 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

money money money money...

June 20, 2003

Today is your last chance to donate to the trip fund. I'm not begging or anything, but...um...I'm kinda doing some wishful thinking.

Posted at 12:35 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Summer Crush Mix

June 20, 2003

I've finalized the playlist for the summer crush mix - if anyone is eager to be crushed on:

Nick Cave - Still in Love
PJ Harvey - The River
Pixies - La La Love You
John Lennon - Working Class Hero
The Ex - Mother
Jawbreaker - Drone
The Eyeliners - It Could Have Been You
Thelonious m - 'Round Midnight
The Handsome Family - Winnebago Skeletons
A Tribe Called Quest - Can I Kick It?
Nick Cave - I Let Love In
Atom and His Package - Black Metal Friends
The Strike - Victoria
Buffalo Daughter - Dr. Mooooog
The Clash - Overpowered by Funk
The Donnas - 40 Boys in 40 Nights
The Handsome Family - Tin Foil
Bran Van 3000 - Gimme Sheldon
Girl Trouble - How Can I Be Out When I Ain't Been In
Spearhead - Hole in the Bucket

Woo woo! Not as HOT as the last mix, but I figured the summer's a bit sweltering anyway...so I went for somewhat depressing and a whole lotta rocking.

Posted at 12:27 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

The gasman cometh, and he doesn't like cloth napkins

June 19, 2003

The gasmen were just here to turn the gas back on (don't EVEN ask), and while one of them was kindly re-lighting the water heater pilot (which the gas company was supposed to charge me like 30 bux extra for, and my gasmen did on the down-low) he got some laundry soap on his shoe.

He came into the kitchen, where all of the dirty dishes were unceremoniously heaped all over the place, emanating a strange odor, and where Nina Hagen was singing her warped rendition of "I'm a Believer," and asked me if I Had a paper towel.

"No," I said, "We don't have paper towels here...but I can give you a cloth napkin."

"nono...that's ok." He said.

"No, really," I said, thrusting a dishtowel at him. "We just wash them and reuse them, it's really not a big deal."

"No, really...I couldn't." He insisted, and asked his friend for the paper towel that was hanging out of his pocket.

And I'm left wondering what in the world could that man have possibly been thinking about me that accepting a cloth dishtowel to clean SOAP off of his shoe would have been improper somehow? hahahahaha

Posted at 9:56 AM • Comments (7) • TrackBack

Cursed bicycle

June 19, 2003

Yesterday, I don't know if it was apparent...but I was having a pretty bad day. c woke me up WAY too early, I was tired and grouchy and I had a headache (probably caffeine withdrawal) all day.

So I took the kids to Wheatsville Food Co-op to get some breakfast and some sandwich fixings for lunch, because there was no way I was going to cook anything for them (mostly because just about every dish in the house is dirty right now).

Wheatsville with cy is a challenge. The child wants to touch everything and he has his own agenda for whether or not he's going to listen to me at any given point in time. He's awesome in the shopping cart, but allowing him to run free is a total test of my patience. So I chased himup and down the aisles and somehow managed to order us some food at the deli, and everything else that needed to be accomplished there.

Then I left c's taco at the deli accidentally when I went to pay, so I had to run back and get it. And I paid for our food and went outside.

m led the way to the table, and there was a bicycle carelessly parked, blocking the way to the patio. m managed to knock it over, and I had my hands full, so while I was making my way to the table to put the food down, c got his foot caught in the spokes of one of the wheels.

I was cursing the owner of the bicycle under my breath as I righted it, and, as I'm fairly neurotic about such things, I put the bike back in as close to the same position as we found it as possible. It would have been much better if I had put the bike in a position that made it more convenient for people to pass through, because just after I finished putting it back up, a lady came out of wheatsville, had to do some crazy contortion to get past it, and she was kind enough to move it to the side.

Shortly thereafter, the owner of the bike came out, hopped onto it, started riding off, and proceeded to completely wipe out right in front of us. Stupid cursed bike.

Oh, and right after that, the cashier came out to hand me my cash card, which I had left on the counter.

*sigh*

Posted at 9:43 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Did I mention I love Tish?

June 18, 2003

Well, I'll say it again. I love, love, love her.

But what about soda machines in public facilities? I completely support getting them out of public facilities. I rarely drink soda. It is even more rare that I drink the two most often consumed brands of soda. I have issues with huge multinational conglomerates. And let me be clear: I am really very fat.
I have a friend, an athlete, who drinks large bottles of Coke every day. It can't be good for her. But if you saw the two of us on the street, you would assume that I drink soda and she does not. And you would be wrong.

Posted at 7:56 PM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Where is everyone?

June 18, 2003

Nyeesh...you'd think it was summer or something.

Well, those of us who can't stand the sun are inside blogging. So I figured I'd inflict the rest of you non fun-in-the-sun types with more of my endless list-making.

Its - THE PACKING LIST

Clothing

Mom

The kids
(each)
3 pairs of pants
3 pairs of shorts
5 shirts
socks and undergarments and things
swimsuits

toiletries

General purpose

Entertainment

Music

Toys
stuff that's already in the car like magic ink maze books and puzzle books
Leap pad
stuffed animals
hot wheels cars
books

food

Cooler

non-perishable
granola
nuts
fruit bars (these things kept cy alive on the last trip! and kept me sane)
bread and/or tortillas
peanut butter
suggestions???!!!!

ESSENTIAL THINGS THAT I CANNOT LEAVE WITHOUT

I hope I'm not forgetting anything...

Posted at 5:02 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

A couple of other notes.

June 18, 2003

You are probably going to witness my obsessive tendency towards list-making in times of "crisis" - not that taking this trip is anything like a crisis, but I tend to make tons and tons of lists for trips.

Before I do this, though, I have to pause and wonder what the fuck is my problem with staying in touch with local friends. Lately I've been running into a lot of local friends who I would like to hang out with, but I can't seem to find the time to do so. It's weird. Like, I would really like to hang out with Rosa Maria and make some yummy foods for the road, but I can't put myself in a position where I'm calling her or e-mailing her to make those plans. It's almost like someone has to show up on my doorstep for me to actually see them, and I really can't stand having unexpected guests, so that leaves chance...and while I chance upon friends a lot, it would be nice to have PLANS with someone every once in awhile.

This is pretty much totally my fault. With the exception of k8, and to some extent Chris, I hardly ever initiate phone calls with people and make plans. While I love love love k8 and Chris, I'm not quite sure what makes them the lucky recipients of my phoney love and no one else. My friend W has managed to make plans with me only through persistence and e-mail, and I so enjoy talking to him, but if he didn't e-mail me, I wouldn't make plans with him.

I wish I knew why this is. Sure, I value my alone time - and there are Fridays and Sundays (which are my days off when I get time to myself) that I just want to be alone without having to interact with anyone, but there are plenty of days when I have the kids that it would be nice to just hang out with someone, being mellow. And I"m fortunate enough to live in the same town with a bevy of cool folks to hang out with.

So, I dunno. Perhaps being in DC will help me break out of this habit of non-communication. Or, perhaps I'm just going to have to learn to deal with the fact that I'm just not an incredibly social person.

We'll see.

Posted at 8:06 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

To Do List

June 18, 2003

OK, here goes:

~~Get k's contact information (and gather contact information of other people)~~
~~Pack (making packing lists, too)~~
~~go on "no mail" on various e-mail lists~~
download e-mail to hard drive
Call AAA and/or State Farm to figure out travel insurance deal
~~deposit stipend check~~
pay bills
~~find someone to take care of the dog~~
post request for road recipe ideas at "full bellies"
go grocery shopping for snacky foods
burn more cd's of mp3's
clean out car
~~clean out cooler and find insulated lunch bags for the kids~~
~~make sure insurance card is in the car~~
clean out backpack
find spare car key and money belt
~~um, it might be a good idea to look at a freaking visitor's guide and see what sorts of fun stuff we can do in DC. But maybe I'll wait until I'm there to do that.~~
???I'm sure there's more...but I'll have to add to this later.???

Posted at 7:39 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

So so sleepy...so so much to do

June 18, 2003

It's unbelievable how very much I have to do to prepare for my trip that starts EARLy sunday morning. For instance, I don't even have the address and phone number of the person I'm staying with, and I haven't gathered the phone numbers I've collected for stops along the way and put them somewhere that I'll be able to find them when we're traveling. I haven't signed up for AAA (and it might be too late to do that now) and I haven't even begun to think about what to pack or any of that.

And I'll pretty much be busy up until it's time to go. Like, really busy. Like, work busy and playgroup busy and oh fuck I'm so fucking tired I can't even imagine driving for 12 hours a day for 2 days busy.

But I'll get over it. I'm sure I will. And in the end, all I really need are my kids, the car, my keys, and my wallet. Everything else is extra and can be dealt with.

I think.

I've been so good about cleaning up the house before I go to bed, and meditating and writing in my paper journal. But tonight I think I really want to just go to sleep.

There's a lot that I would like to write about but I just don't have the energy. Nighty night!

Posted at 12:01 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Just a short note of self-affirmation.

June 17, 2003

I seem to be patting myself on the back a lot lately, but I wanted to leave this note so I can look back and read it in the future and kind of remember where the kids were at at this point in time.

Lately, I'm hearing c and m talk about how happy they are a lot. Just about every day, without prompting from me, m tells me that he enjoys his life. Today, out of the blue, he said "Mom. I'm really happy." cy, at the pool, laughing and laughing, tells me "I'm having FUN, mama!" I can't even tell you how good this is to hear, particularly with the situation with L being what it is, and feeling under a tremendous amount of pressure to keep things running smoothly in the house. To keep the tension to a minimum, and to allow for the maximum amount of joy possible.

I'm sure one day the kids will feel like they've had a miserable life, and I don't want to throw this in their face as proof that they didn't...but I do want to have proof for myself that we are having fun, that the kids enjoy what they are given, and that we are able to have fun.

Today, m said "I'm lucky to be a member of this family," and I was able to look him in the eye, after a rough morning filled with having to define and redefine limits with him, and explain and re-explain boundaries and issues of appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and say "m...we're lucky to have you here with us, too."

And, damnit...it's true. I feel like the luckiest mama in the world, and my kids are pretty lucky, as well.

Posted at 4:50 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Update on the Bryants...

June 17, 2003

I'm liking this family more and more every time I read about them:

DSS and the Bryants agree that the children are in no way abused mentally, physically, sexually or emotionally, but legal custody of the children was taken from Kim and George Bryant in December 2001. The children will remain under the legal custody of DSS until their 16th birthdays.
The parents have been ruled unfit because they did not file educational plans or determine a grading system for the children, two criteria of Waltham's homeschooling policy.

DSS officials did not return phone calls on Friday, but have said that removing the children from the Bryant home would be their last course of action.

Emphasis added.

If that doesn't make you want to throw a brick through a window...I don't know what will.

Any of you who have children should truly understand what is being done here. The state, in a move that can only be termed the ultimate in patriarchical bullshit, is basically punishing EVERYONE because a couple of kids won't take a test.

The Bryants have a valid point - if private school students aren't required to take the tests, why is it an offense that is worthy of this degree of punishment?

You want to talk about abuse? I would say that the state is guilty of abusing these children by creating a situation in which their future is uncertain. They are creating instability in the lives of these children. Not their parents. Not the practice of homeschooling. No child should have to live in fear of being taken from their loving home because of A TEST. There are plenty of kids out there who are much more worthy of the attentions of DSS - and I'm really curious what the ulterior motive is here.

These children and their parents are my heroes. It takes a lot of bravery to do what they are doing, and there are no words to express my gratitude to them for taking a stand against a system that is threatening to separate them based on a stupid assessment test. I'm practically in tears.

At the same time, the unrepentant unschooler in me is thinking "Man, what an awesome way for those kids to learn about the legal system..." I just hope it's not a lesson that is too hard taught.

Thanks for the link, Nurse Ratched.

Posted at 12:52 PM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Health

June 17, 2003

I love this post by Tish. She really conveys her thoughts in a clear and concise but decidedly poetic way. You should read her all the time.

Take a walk. Do some yoga. Swim. Dance. It's fun. But fuck the people who want to fill the gyms with paying members lined up on tread mills, obedient to the social injunction of being healthy. Health is about a lot of things. Sitting in a garden, eating food that's made with olives and lemons, talking to a friend you never thought you'd get a chance to meet, or a friend you haven't seen in too long, listening for the humming of the poet next door, might be a very healthy thing.

Posted at 11:57 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

homeschooling freedom

June 16, 2003

Yesterday, as I was hanging clothes on the line, I was thinking about this article about government infringement on not only educational but parental freedom. I was thinking about how hard it is, sometimes, to support some of my fellow homeschoolers who espouse views on education that I disagree with. Parents who enforce strict rules about who their children socialize with, parents who delay or accelerate their children's learning to what I feel to be an unhealthy degree, parents who inculcate inaccurate "information"...I think the list of people I disagree with coujld go on and on.

And, I'm sure, there are plenty of homeschooling parents who find it difficult to support unschoolers. I have no curriculum, I don't set aside specific times during the day to "do school" with my children, I don't push learning. I let it happen. And it happens, but I'm sure it's kind of frightening for some people who have been raised with the idea that learning is something that is forced upon you.

And as I was hanging laundry, I thought about a counter argument to homeschooling that has hung me up (pardon the pun) on a few occasions. About the potential for abuse, and for abused homeschooled children going undetected by the system.

I thought about this, and suddenly it seemed like a really stupid argument. First of all - how many public school children are abused and not detected? And if a homeschooled child is abused, what would the guarantee be that that child would not be abused if he or she was in public school? And isn't it equally possible or probable for public schooled children to be abused when they are at home with mom and dad. And, you know what, neglect is abuse, too...and how many young public school children are left in school from 7 AM until some ungodly hour of the night...is that not abuse?

And then my thinking slid a little under the surface of that counterargument. What is really being said when we are taught to be concerned about the safety of homeschooled children? Think about it...it's actually kind of scary. Because what's really being implied is that it's preferable to allow our children to be monitored and supervised by the state than by their own parents and communities. And if we allow ourselves to dwell on the possibility that "allowing" parents the freedom of homeschooling their children might open a door for those children to be abused, we are accepting that we want the state to oversee our parenting.

It's sad and it's sick when I child is abused. I am not at all saying that children should not have advocates for their own safety. But when you hear cases where perfectly healthy children are threatened to be removed from their parents' care, you really start to wonder whose self-interest is being served by that...and what is happening in the meantime to the children who actually need advocacy and interference?

UPDATE (from a comment):
And what of preschool-aged children? Are they not abused? Because if you extend the argument that public schools are necessary to monitor the homelives of children, would that argument not include preschool-aged children? Would it be justifiable to force parents to put their young children in daycare "just in case" they are being abused...because we need to have the state monitor our children?

And what of abuse in the school itself? What of all of the violence, the shootings, the stabbings? Certainly those things are rare, but is parental abuse of homeschooled children any less rare? And what about the teachers in schools who are abusive? Would anyone deny that there is potential for damage within the system itself?

No. The argument for public schools as an effective monitor of the mental health of our children is complete and utter bunk designed to convince us that it is in our best interest to abandon our rights for a state-defined "greater good."

Well, I'm not willing to abandon the rights of my children to a free and loving education where they are supported and encouraged, just to prevent the POTENTIAL abuse of children who might end up being abused anyway (not to mention what happens to them when they are removed from their homes.) The answer to helping these children is not to enforce their enrollment in a publically-funded big brother institution. The answer is to fix the problems in the individual communities that cause abuse in the first place. Because by the time the public schools catch them, if they catch them (and there are plenty that they don't catch) you can pretty much bet they've already suffered a significant amount of damage.

Posted at 11:55 PM • Comments (6) • TrackBack

confessions of a fast talker

June 16, 2003

Today was the first day of a new beginner class. I am the instructor for the beginner class, which can get kind of hectic when I'm also trying to run the facility and answer e-mails and phone calls and everything else that comes with my job. I actually had my management assistant teach just about the entire class last time around because I had so much stuff that I needed to get done. And I realized when he taught it that I missed teaching, and I wanted my class back.

So, it was nice to start this beginner class today. I was fresh from having not had to work incredibly hard over the past few weeks, and I have not spoken in front of a group of people for some time, so I felt like my "material" was new (you know, the dumb jokes I tell to loosen myself up and whatnot). I am pleased with the size of the class (just about every computer is being used) and the diverse group of people who are in the class...and it seems like it will be a pretty fun group.

Since I started my job, I've been struggling with my tendency to talk fast and use a lot of poly-syllabic words. I am kind of a fast talker...and I tend to be overly verbose. I don't want to cut out the big words entirely, because I don't want to assume that the clients won't understand them, but I generally have more than a few people for whom english is a second or third or fourth language, and sometimes just learning the computer terminology is way overload for people, so I don't want people to have to come to class armed with an English language dictionary. I've learned to compensate for my unwillingness to cut out the big words entirely by stating things over again, multiple times, changing the wording slightly each time I say it. I figure this way people not only hear the instructions three times, but there's some variation and different people will catch on depending on the words I use.

There has never been any indicationwhether this theory was true until today. I was so so thrilled today when, at the end of class, a client came up to me and thanked me for speaking so clearly. She said she was afraid to come to class because she doesn't feel that her English is very good, and she wanted me to know how much she appreciated how clearly I spoke. I wanted to cry, I was so happy about this. I thanked her for telling me, and told her that I have been working on this for a long time, so I hoped she would let me know if I continue to do well, or if I start slipping. I hope she continues to give me feedback.

You know, I really couldn't ask for a better job. It's so nice to be appreciated for the things I work really hard to accomplish. It's so nice to have an audience, you know? People I respect who give respect back, and so much more.

Posted at 11:29 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Another take on "Lesser Evilism"

June 16, 2003

There's an article up at Counterpunch about the 2004 election. While I disagree wholeheartedly that "a non-vote is a vote for the winner" (and if someone could explain the warped logic in that, I'd really love to hear it) and I'm absolutely curious about what the author sees in Kucinich, it's a pretty interesting read.

In fact, it almost doesn't matter who the president is, so this argument goes. Ford and Kissinger gave Sukarno the go-ahead in East Timor and Carter carried through. Carter supported the Shah of Iran, and got his hat handed to him by the Ayatollah. But that hat could have gone to any of his recent predecessors. Kennedy was involved in the assassination of Diem, our installed president of "South Vietnam," the state illegally created by Eisenhower. (Jackie was later famously dissed by Diem's widow when her own husband was assassinated.)
And Truman dropped the bomb on Hiroshima in August 1945, even though the Japanese had been trying to surrender since May. His goal -- to send a "message" to Stalin, if Gore Vidal is to be believed. Message received, at least at Ground Zero.

So I would guess that the Greens are asking themselves, what do I get when I get a Democrat? It's a serious question for many of them, I suspect, one that isn't well captured by the easy phrases "Republican-Lite" and "disgust." Nothing Lite about what gets done under the Dems. And calling the reaction "disgust" glosses over the underlying serious arguments.

Which brings me to the second point, the "lesser of two evils." It could easily be argued that the Dems may be the greater evil.

Look at it this way -- the Repubs are "out there" -- really and truly out there. And it will be very hard for them to pull back, to pretend they aren't the party of Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz, DeLay and Robertson, O'Reilly and Coulter, attack and control. Horrid people to be sure, vicious people (their admirers admit the same); but their great virtue is that they are undisguised horrid people, naked vicious people. The Repubs have their cards on the table, and those cards must now be played.

Posted at 11:08 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Lavender

June 16, 2003

It's been a day. Quite a day. Well, not that big of a day, but it's been a tiring day.

I woke up this morning at 7 AM, as I think I mentioned before, thinking the children would wake up, too. Well, c woke up shortly after I did, and m stayed in bed until past 8, when I had to actually wake him up, not by force exactly, but by suggestion.

We did our usual morning stuff: m fed the pets, Iblogged and read stuff, we all ate breakfast, I did the dishes, had morning circle with cy (I read him Bear on a Bike, which is one of my favorite books, and some poems, and then he read Bear on a Bike back to me, which was adorable) while m took his hour of computer time. Then I hung some laundry on the line while cy played in m's room, m read some of his Goosebumps books (I really need to start getting him REAL literature, but those spooky horror series seem to really capture him. He loves Goosebumps, and he's totally into The Weird Zone, even though I find Bruce Coville's writing to be so awkward and, just bad. Sorry Bruce - yr not cutting it with the read-aloud contingent...you oughtta give yr great story ideas to someone who actually knows how to write sentences that flow together rather than chop along) and then I made some lunch - or, rather, I gave m a bowl of cold lentil soup for lunch and cy had some raw carrots.

We had planned to go swimming today. You see, I have a FREE neighborhood pool (supervised by real, paid, park district lifeguards!) right across the street from my house, and we have a habit of NOT taking advantage of this nearly as much as we should). Anyway, we had planned to go swimming, but I could NOT find cy's swim diaper, and m doesn't have any actual swim trunks, so we had to go to the store and get swim gear before going to the pool. Nothing kills the joy of having free access to a pool more than having to BUY clothes. I haven't bought a single item of clothing for either of those kids in years, I think...I've been very fortunate in the hand-me-down arena. (and I am sure to pass on that good fortune whenever we outgrow things). So I blew like 50 bux on swimwear and sandals and, well, a couple of stupid watertoys.

The watertoys seemed like a good idea when I first got them, and then they started to turn into a bad idea when we got to the pool. I realized too late why I had never bought m a water ring...it really interferes with learning to swim when the kid's clinging to that thing the whole time. I started to panic when cy kept screaming whenever his froggy got away from us, but I managed to calm him down at one point by telling him that froggy needed to rest, but that he'd be waiting outside the pool for us when we were done.

I would really love for my kids to learn how to swim, but it appears that they are both too stubborn to learn from me. m insists that he doesn't want to learn, but he was allowing a 5 year old to give him lessons today. A little girl he just met. I thought it was awesome, and m was showing a considerable amount of (cautious) fearlessness in the water that I have not seen him show before.

While cy SEEMED intrigued by the motorboat noises I made in the water, he would have nothing to do with the face in the water on purpose thing. So I spent an hour in the water with him, just playing and pretending and having fun. Once I wrested the frog out of his arms, I was able to do a little more in terms of actually showing him how to stay safe and how to move his little body in the water. But, I dunno. I haven't had much luck with either of my kids and swimming, so I'm skeptical. I figure if they want to learn, they can choose to learn from me, or I can sign them up for swim lessons...or they can find neighborhood kids who are willing to teach them.

So we stayed at the pool for about an hour and a half, and then traipsed home soaking wet. I took a quick shower once we got home and splashed myself with lavender oil.

How I love lavender oil. I never use deoderant anymore because the stuff you buy in the regular grocery store is all tested on animals and the expensive all natural stuff doesn't work any better than a few drops of lavender. So I tend to smell like sweaty, breastmilky lavender all summer, and I love it. And today, when I stopped to get something to eat on my way to work, the guy who brought me my food asked me about my "cologne." I guess he liked it, too.

Now I'm at work...trying to mellow out before I start teaching my beginner class. I have a new hire coming on today, and a lot of work to do. This will be a busy week for me, and I'm not even bringing my laptop to work. And then next week, I'm really hoping I don't sit in front of the computer on my vacation. It's an addiction and an obsession, though. I'm not sure if my paper journal will suffice.

Oh, and this IS entry number 666.

Posted at 4:35 PM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

Fisk on the occupation

June 16, 2003

This goes in the "I need to actually read it later" file. Haven't read the whole thing, but I think it's probably going to be a good read when I get around to it. If anyone wants to summarize or comment for me, feel free.

Posted at 10:03 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Monday Morning

June 16, 2003

For the past week or so, the kids have been getting up at 7 AM. L's been getting up to hang out with them, but I dunno how long that's going to last, considering L's sleep schedule has always been totally fucked. So, last night I made a deal with m that he needs to go to bed a little earlier so I can have some of my mama alone time at night, go to bed earlier myself, and wake up with the children feeling well-rested and alert rather than grouchy and groggy.

I went to bed last night at around midnight, as opposed to 1 or 2. And I woke up at 7 AM.

I don't have much time to write this, because cy is on the verge of demanding something new.

Here's one of my least phases to parent through. The phase where the child is cognizant of his wants, and aware that he can get people to do things for him, but not yet aware of the fact that mommy can only do one thing at a time.

I feel like a sim in one of m's sim games. I have about a thousand tasks lined up on the top of my screen, and they all relate to pleasing c. Before I have a chance to fill one order, he's lined up about 50 more for me to fill.

Right now, he's yanking my arm, trying to get me to play a game FOR HIM. I'm trying to eat dinner, man. Mama's gotta eat!

Posted at 6:49 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Summer Crush Mix.

June 15, 2003

I just finalized the song list for the summer crush mix. I'm going to try to send a copy of this to all of those brave enough to volunteer to be me during my absence, as well as those I run into on the road. But if you wanna be my July crush, lemme know.

Here's the mix:

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Still in Love
PJ Harvey - The River
Pixies - La La Love you
John Lennon - Working Class Hero
The Ex - Mother
Jawbreaker - Drone
The Eyeliners - It Could Have Been You
Thelonious m - 'Round Midnight
The Handsome Family - Winnebago Skeletons
A Tribe Called Quest - Can I Kick It?
Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - I Let Love In
Atom and his Package - Black Metal Friends
The Strike - Victoria
Buffalo Daughter - Dr. Mooooog
The Clash - Overpowered by Funk
The Donnas - 40 Boys in 40 Nights
The Handsome Family - Tin oil
Bran Van 3000 - Gimme Sheldon
Girl Trouble - How Can I Be Out When I Ain't Been In
Spearhead - Hole In The Bucket
Oblivion - To Get a Message to You

I'm probably going to send this to my June crushes, as well...as my old mix got deleted in the reformatting.

If you've been crushed on and haven't received a crush mix from me, it's because you haven't e-mailed me your address. With one exception, but I'm making a special jazzy crush mix for that exception, so never you mind. No special mixes for anyone else, though...this particular crush is special.

Posted at 12:53 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

m and c and the definition of chaos.

That was the life.

Speaking of life, as in having none, as I was unable to convince anyone to PAY to be dru blood for a day (what's WRONG with you people), I'm trying to recruit some ringers who can add content to the site while I'm on the road/out of town. Dunno how much I'll be able to post when I'm in DC, as I will be pretty much occupied the whole time I'm there. Of course, I say this with the full knowledge I will be sneaking around the house in the middle of the night looking for a phone jack so I can jack in and check up on everyone while I'm gone. Still, you know, it could be fun to pretend like yr me for a day: you get to say "fuck" a lot, you can pass off unthought-out, un-fully formed rants as deep, philisophical musings, and you have an intelligent gang of people to comment and clarify for you. hahahahahaha. It really is the life, isn't it? ~~I'll even send you my hard plastic chair to sit on, so you can experience my ass coma.~~ On second thought, that's really just torture, not to mention the shipping costs would kill me.

Any takers?

Posted at 12:39 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Privilege and my educational choices (part one: the decision)

June 13, 2003

I'm feeling like I need to further clarify some things about privilege and the part it plays in my life due to the educational choices I have made. Or at least think them out a bit more, as I'm not sure that I have complete clarity on this issue.

The decision I made to not attend college was a completely conscious and political decision borne of many many circumstances in my life at the time college was becoming a consideration. I remember very clearly my junior year of high school, after having taken the PSAT test, I returned from spring break to find BAGS AND BAGS of mail from colleges, offering to give me the experience of my life.

It was still pretty much assumed at that time, by my family at least, that I would be going on to college and getting a prestigious degree in a prestigious line of work earning a prestigious sum of money that was suitable to my prestigiously-inclined grey matter. They had decided that I was to be a lawyer or a doctor, or, failing that, a veterinarian.

I had not decided, and I was just beginning to evaluate my relationship with money, which was very much influenced by being the "poor folks" in a wealthy neighborhood.

In short, I was gaining a certain amount of awareness of consumerist society, and I was feeling a great deal of rebellion against it, but I wasn't really sure what to do about those feelings, as consumerism was not questioned in my family, and we could and probably have spend hours and hours talking about not only the television shows we watched, but also about the commercials between the television shows...and all that entails.

At any rate, I think it was at a very crucial point in this evaluation that i came upon a piece of mail from Northwestern University in Evanston, IL. Northwestern was where my friend Pam was going to school. It had a cool radio station, and from what I knew it was very very expensive.

The brochure from Northwestern was the single greatest concrete factor in deterring me from the path of college. On the front of the brochure was a string that led you into the fold out describing all of the excellent features of the university and all of the opulence and beauty of the campus...and at the end of the string was what ostensibly was to be the pot of gold at the end of you college education rainbow...a bundle of money. Fastened, of course, with the string you had been following through the brochure.

Something clicked in me when I saw that image. I am not sure I can really describe it, and i'm not sure I've even figured out entirely why I was so incredibly put off by the idea that a college education was the equivalent of money. I don't THINK I was sophisticated enough to understand that classism is frequently perpetuated by the myth that only college graduates are qualified enough to perform certain duties and functions (which is what I wholeheartedly believe today, and I'll probably talk about that more later), but I think there was something in the idea that it was expected that my educational goals were somehow all related to money that turned me off, then and there, to the idea of going to college after graduating.

My family was pissed, but I was convinced there was a better and more pure way of learning and/or living.

(to be continued)

Posted at 12:09 PM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Privilege and Victimhood

June 13, 2003

I'm supposed to go to an NCBI meeting today, which is one of my favorite monthly gatherings of people, and it relates to what I brought up last night about privilege.

One of the things that I like about NCBI is that privilege, prejudice, bias, *ism, is all brought up in a non-confrontational, non-blaming way. We are encouraged to examine how privilege or the lack of privilege has played a role in our lives, and we are then given the opportunity to share this with the other members in a safe space. In fact, there is an exercise called "first thoughts" which is designed to force you to belch out your *ism on whatever topic is being addressed, even if it's internalized oppression against your own "group."

I'd be interested in hearing how a LACK of privilege has affected some of you. I'm sure there are many instances where I have been in a position of "under" privilege (and an equal amount of, if not more, instances where I have been overprivileged as all fuck) and sometimes it's helpful to share those so people can see where I'm coming from. That's another basic tenet of NCBI - the power of sharing stories to help each other understand how power and prejudice work to oppress us all.

Lemme start by sharing a pretty painful experience from m's birth, which is a pretty clear example of how power plays into privilege as well as oppression, and how strong women can easily become victims, and how it is NOT the responsibility of women to constantly have to stay on top of relationships where it is easy for power to turn into oppression. The whole idea of "blaming the victim" comes up a lot when talking about privilege.

I had m in a hospital, which I thought would work out OK since I was strong in my conviction to pursue a natural birth, I had been assured by all the representatives of the hospital that my wishes would be respected, and I was well-educated, I thought, on all that could go wrong in my pursuit of my goal. I'll spare the details of the birth, except to say that it was the single most disempowering experience of my life. I was raped. And I say that with the full understanding that people who have been raped by force by a man in a private setting might cringe, thinking I am using the word lightly, but I assure you I am not. What I experienced in that well-lit hospital room was rape in the truest sense of the word, and I was tremendously traumatized.

Six weeks later, I was at my OB/GYN's office for my post-partum exam. I was visibly still suffering from trauma. I had the baby with me. I was almost unable to make it through the appointment without bursting into tears. My GYN noticed NONE of this, in spite of the fact that I'm sure she witnesses post-partum depression and PTSD in her patients all of the time and should most certainly be prepared to help patients deal with it.

Instead of showing any sensitivity to what I was going through, which was something I couldn't even verbalize until years later, I was put into an exam room, told to strip, and made to wait for the OB to examine me. She came in, fiddled around with my stitches, and told me we would "have to do something about birth control now."

I should have just asked for a prescription for the pill. A prescription is easily discarded. But I refuse to take the Pill due to the fact that I don't want to pump any more chemicals through my body than currently course through, so I told her my birth control method of choice was a diaphragm. I had never used a diaphragm before, but I figured - after having a child - it would be simple enough. Especially considering that my experience of childbirth was one of unnecessary exposure, vulnerability, and powerlessness. I was prepared to strip and allow just about anyone to stare at my genitals on suggestion at that point.

However, I wasn't anticipating that I would have to be "fitted" for a diaphragm, and when my OB told me this, I stammered "um, no...really. Not right now. I'm not even having sex yet, and I really don't want to mess with that area. I'm still recovering." What *I* meant was that I was still recovering emotionally...and of course what *she* thought I meant was that I still needed to recover physically.

"Everything is looking fine down there! I'll just pop this in and you can take it out and see if you can put it in properly."

I'd like to believe it was because she had other patients waiting in other exam rooms that she was so cavalier and dismissive of my apparent angst about this procedure, but regardless of the reason, she proceeded to insert the diaphragm into my vagina AGAINST MY WILL, perfunctorily, as I'm sure she has done on several occasions, and left the room.

The minute she shut the door, m started wailing, which I believe was completely empathetic, as I had totally crumbled inside and the tears were coming to my eyes, too. I felt totally and completely violated, and yet, through the tears and the clenched chest and the feelings of complete lack of control and power, I somehow managed to fish the diaphragm out...and then CRAM IT BACK IN.

Why I responded this way is totally unknown to me, but it gives me a great deal of empathy for women who are victims of rape who COULD HAVE defended themselves and chose not to. I COULD HAVE run out into the OB's office in my paper gown, waving that diaphragm around like a weapon and screaming that I had been abused, but by this time, I was so resigned to powerlessness, that I did what I thought I had to do in that situation to get out of there safely.

The doctor came back into the exam room, said nothing of my blotchy, red face or my sniffles, yanked the diaphragm out of me, congratulated me on my accuracy, wrote a perscription, pinched m's cheeks, and sent me on my way without a word about what must have been a great deal of fear and resentment and resignation written all over my face. It was all so matter-of-fact that I didn't even think about complaining. (By the time I realized I had a valid complaint, it was many years later, and I wrote a letter, but I got no response.)

My point here is that people who have power (which is pretty much anyone, depending on the situation - which is to say, most of us enjoy power in some aspect of our lives) have the responsibility of being careful about how they weild that power, and of examining closely how the power they hold in their relationships affect others. This could be a doctor, a boss, a partner in a marriage, a parent...a teacher...any relationship where there is an imbalance of power. It's imperative that the one who holds the power is in tune with the person over whom they hold it...and it's wrong-headed to place that responsibility on the shoulders of the person who does not have the power. Yes, it would be a wonderful thing if all power relationships had an atmosphere of safety for the person with less power, but there's no way to set that up, as different people have different experiences of life and are made to feel disempowered or unsafe by different things.

For a long time, I blamed myself for the position I was in during m's birth. If only I had chosen homebirth over hospital birth (a 1500 dollar homebirth seemed way too expensive compared to a 10 dollar hospital birth. I chose a homebirth the second time around, because I was privileged to have the money to do so, and it was so much less emotionally expensive, in fact, I think I came out ahead on the homebirth - and I can examine how my midwife treated her power in another post. And why it's so important to fight for the right for a woman to birth at home, regardless of her income level), if only I had yelled out during the birth, if only I had stood up for myself like I know I was capable of doing...if only....

And I finally came to terms with the fact that this kind of self-blame is exactly what helps to perpetuate the myth that women create their own victimhood. That women are their own sole salvation, and that those who hold power over women aren't responsible for using that power wisely and with self-awareness. That I wasn't merely "playing the part of a victim." That I was, in fact, A VICTIM. And, yes, I had to consider how I could avoid being a victim the next time, but I also had to allow myself to forgive MYSELF and come to terms with and to honor the fact that I did not "avoid" victimhood the first time, because it was unavoidable.

Posted at 8:39 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Privilege? Why, you're soaking in it!

June 12, 2003

Privilege, to me, is to see things in a way that assumes that your experience of any given aspect of life is "the norm" - and making judgments of people and situations accordingly. Privilege crops up in my life quite a bit, actually. For instance, in my work with the clients at the community center, I tend to assume that everyone in a certain socioeconomic class is as pissed off at the system as I am, and I'm usually surprised to learn that, while plenty of the clients we serve are at least marginally politically aware, not very many of them are incredibly radical...at least as far as I can tell from my conversations with them which are, admittedly, generally pretty surface. I mean, it's not like I'm going to walk up to people where I work and say "Yo, dude! Eat the rich!" but...I mean, we do on occasion talk about politics there...on a surface level.

At any rate, the fact that I assume that anyone who is of a certain socioeonomic status should think the way I do, or the way I envision would be a better way for them to think, is a perfect example of privilege. It's something I recognize in myself, and it's something that I try to challenge on a regular basis.

Some might say that I frequently throw the term "privilege" around, as if it is an insult or an incrimination. The fact is that most of us enjoy a great deal of privilege, and many of us choose to not recognize this fact. This might seem to be no big deal, but to ignore privilege is, in fact, to assume that, good or bad, each individual person in this society has achieved what he or she has achieved based entirely on merit...when, in fact, there is much that is or is not achieved which is based solely on privilege, or is based on a healthy mix (or unhealthy, as the case may be) of merit and privilege (or a lack thereof - on either side of that coin.) And that's where things get fucked.

Choosing to ignore your privilege when framing events or stating opinions in the hopes of convincing other people that you are "right" is totally counter-productive to deeper understanding of the issue up for discussion. The more you assume that all people have the same experience of life that you have, and the more you choose to build your perception around that experience, the more you alienate people who might have a different experience of the topic at hand. In the end, everyone loses, because no real connection is made.

For example, part of my job is teaching people how to use computers, which is a difficult thing to teach to a diverse crowd with different levels of experience. One of the most difficult hurdles to overcome is how to create meaningful analogies (which are essential to teaching people things, particularly things that people consider to be complex and intimidating) without alienating the audience. My clients need to feel pretty comfortable around me to get over their fears of a) using an expensive piece of machinary that they might have invested a good deal of energy in loathing and b) returning to an actual high school (I work at a high school) feeling, essentially, illiterate, and all that goes with that. So it's key that I connect with my clients and make them feel comfortable with me, because once those barriers come up, it's hard to chip away and remove them. So, as I was saying, the analogies I choose are important, and I have made a LOT of mistakes, such as referring to popular TV shows FROM MY CULTURE or using an excessive amount of slang IN MY DIALECT or FROM MY AGE GROUP or using examples exclusively based on MY SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS or EDUCATION LEVEL...

You see what I'm getting at? One of the crucial components of my job is for me to examine how I experience the world and how that effects what I bring to the classroom, and to closely monitor how much of my experience I am imposing on my clients. Which is not to say that I can NEVER make a goofy reference to the television shows I watched when I was a child, but if i do so, I must be fully aware that there will be people who have no earthly clue what the fuck I'm talking about, and I must be prepared to respond to these people, and connect with them.

This kind of self-examination is one of my favorite things about my job, even though it's fucking difficult as all hell to be constantly evaluating what and how I say things to someone, frequently reviewing conversations in my head for corrections that need to be made...fine tuning that needs to be done. (this actually slops over into my personal life, as well) It has helped me to grow a great deal as a person, and I'm thankful that I have had such patient and gentle teachers along the way. And I'm also thankful for the people who were not so patient or gentle, like some of the clients in my classes who have stood up to argue with me about one thing or another that made them feel stupid or alienated...which has happened a time or two to me, and I've learned from it each time, and have been able to, for the most part, make amends with the client and myself and move forward.

So, I think a crucial element to overcoming privilege is in being able to listen to what other people tell you about their experiences of the world - truly reflect on how that reality differs from yours, and figure out how you can be more inclusive in your examples and, even, you ideologies.

Not to pick on Vic...(but since she said she has a thick hide)...It's easy to say, for instance, that all women should learn karate to defend themselves from a male attacker and that's what will stop women from getting raped, but it's another thing entirely to stop, think about what your experience would be as a woman with a physical disability or personal conviction that won't allow for physically violent self-defense, and consider that your assertions might not be universally correct, and in fact might be counter-productive to resolving issues of safety for women...as espousing the view that women MUST defend themselves physically or verbally from attackers or harrassers sets up more possibilities for men to blame the victims of attack or harrassments for their own crimes. (Or, for that matter, to assume that all women have jobs where they would be perfectly safe calling out harrassment as it happens. Or that all rape is necessarily perpetrated by brute force and never manipulation. I could go on and on.)

I get the same sense of privilege in (and, shit, it's like pick on vic night) the statement "if you don't vote, you can't complain." Because, certainly there are more people in this country NOT voting then voting. There are people who very definitely feel the consequences of the system who CAN'T vote (people under the age of 18, many ex-inmates or current inmates, non-citizens, people who for one reason or another can't figure out how to get to a voting place) and there are people who, in very valid ways, CHOOSE not to vote. And all together they add up to a MAJORITY of people. A majority of people who either choose to not participate or are otherwise disenfranchised. And to apply one handy little way of viewing this MAJORITY of the population is dismissive and wrong.

So, yeah...privilege. We really are all soaking in it. And I just thought I'd share how it might be contributing to some of the current discussions going on. I'm sure there are many more examples I can give...and I'm sure I've created many of my own examples (homeschooling, for one thing, is one giant VAT of privilege) - and I would hope that we can all examine our privilege, our choices, and our preconceived notions of the choices that other people need to make based on our experience of life.

thanks.

Posted at 11:30 PM • Comments (7) • TrackBack

Well, this is fucked on so many different levels...I don't even know where to begin!

June 12, 2003

sexism, invasion of privacy, anti-homeschooling bullshit, xenophobia, trampling of civil liberties, anti-parent bullshit...holy FUCK. It's ALL in there, and more I'm sure. Not to mention the strange alliance between French and US agents:

Ruckman noted that Cason ``looked like a foreign person.''
She also heard that the kids weren't going to school and that the family had moved suddenly.

Cason said she pulled her children out of private school in March and moved to Florida in order to get medical treatment for her children, one of whom is autistic. Both children receive ''hyberbaric treatments'' -- a nontraditional therapy that involves putting the patient in an oxygen chamber. She now home-schools her kids.

Said her lawyer, Shelowitz, ``Maybe it was strange to [the authorities], but she was just leading her life.''

That life turned to the surreal the morning of Friday, May 16, while she drove her kids to a hyberbaric appointment. [read more]

I don't even know where to BEGIN to comment on that one.

Posted at 4:54 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Children's Day Art Park

June 12, 2003

This looks like a pretty cool thing to attend...I might give it a try some Wednesday:

Dates: Wednesday mornings-- June & July Place: Symphony Square, 11th & Red River Time: 9:30 a.m. - 11:30 a.m. Admission: 50¢ a child, adults free when accompanied by a child
Children can experience the magic of the arts at Children's Day Art Park. This exciting summer program features local musicians, dancers, storytellers, magicians, mimes and crafts people. Youngsters can visit the Instrumental Petting Zoo (where they can see, touch and try to play the instruments), talk to symphony musicians and hear them play their instruments, see a Ballet Folklorico, hear a country western band, follow a real pied piper along the Lemonade Trail to the Magic Oak Tree and try their hands at different art projects under the Art Tent.

At Children's Day Art Park, kids don't have to learn to appreciate the arts - it happens naturally.

The local homeschool list members say that it's best to go early to get a good parking space (or take the bus!!!) and bring a friend or a blanket if you want to reserve your seats while you walk around.

Schedule of events here.

Posted at 12:25 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

A little haughty, but it made me chuckle.

June 12, 2003

Now, normally I don't go for the whole "my homeschooled kids are superior to your public school kids" shtick...but sometimes it's nice to see an old stereotype turned on it's ear.

Posted at 12:05 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Response to an e-mail.

June 12, 2003

E-mail is in italics, my response is...um...bold. I feel the need to say that I've been interrupted about 5 zillion times in the process of writing this, so please help me clarify where necessary, and please understand that I might have sounded harsher than intended due to mounting frustration with the 2.5 foot interrupter.

You recently posted about the Dean rally. You wondered about the quest for money. About how "intentional" it ultimately was.

Actually, I didn't even blog my best comment, which was that Howard Dean looks like one of those scary politician masks that you get at Halloween. Has anyone noticed that a lot of politicians look like this? The gleaming teeth, plastered hair? The plasticine sheen? But I guess that doesn't have any bearing on electability...which is probably why I left it out of my initial post. And I didn't "wonder" about the quest for money. I'm not a dolt. I know know it takes a considerable amount of money to launch a campaign. It wasn't that they requested donations, it was that every single speaker that they "randomly chose from the audience" (and they did claim that they were randomly choosing people, which I thought was HILARIOUS considering most of the people were giving WELL-PREPARED speeches.) I didn't WONDER about the quest for money. I simply alluded to the face that every single speaker said "we NEED your money." And that the crowd looked like people who had money to give (judging by appearances, which, I admit, are not always accurate...but 15k is a lot to raise from 3200 people unless a good many of them are well-monied) and I guess what I didn't say was "where the hell are all the beaten-down people this man claims to represent?" Because, if any candidate hopes to win, they will have to appeal to the people who DON'T currently participate in the election process...the people who feel like they have nothing to gain. The people who are HOPING that they don't have anything to lose.

I sympathize. But sadly, this intellectualizing, this ideal-laden reflection on the "dirty" world of politics by us on the left is why the republicans have rolled across the country. They know "business" and they've organized their politics like a finely tuned business machine. How can we present an effective challenge to that if we just wonder and reflect and go away feeling apathetic. (IMHO, this goes WELL beyond "intellectualizing" and "reflection". The minority community is perhaps right to feel that their participation in the "system" ultimately bears no fruit, hence their massive withdrawl from the entire process. So I've over-simplified -- substantially -- the origins of non-participation.)

Oh, please. Don't try to pass off the democratic party as not being a bunch of businessmen (and, yes, I did say MEN). Just because they're not AS willing to sell out to corporate interests, doesn't mean they won't.

No, the reason the Republicans are rolling across this country is because this country is not run by the people, but by corporate interests.

And, while you are accusing me of over-intellectualizing, I'm working to find ways to make technology and politics more inclusive - to bring people to the table who are currently not even seated in the restaurant. That takes action, but it also takes communication - which you seem to contradict yourself by saying further down the line.

I'm not sure about your politics, and I certainly don't want to offend in anything I say, but I confess that to fight the juggernaut of the right (that's how *I* perceive it), the left will frankly have to get over our disgust with money and start funding an effective opposition. It's not enough for us to roll our eyes and talk to each other one on one. It will take hard cash and business acumen (neither of which I have!). So my wife and I gave them a check -- my first ever in a primary.

Let me assure you that you haven't offended me, but you have kind of pissed me off. You have assumed much, and almost none of it it was correct. I guess if you had been even close to assessing me and/or my political motivations, I might have taken it personally. But you weren't, and I didn't.

However, let me posit that it's not necessarily a disgust with money that you are witnessing in some radicals, myself included. Speaking for myself, it's more a disgust with the corruptibility of the people who are sworn to serve the interests of the people, and money plays a large role in that corruptibility. And the fact that the money talks in this country, and money has morality applied to it, and all sorts of other bullshit that stems from money. It's not the money that is disgusting...it's the way money is used as a weapon wielded over the heads of those who have little or none. And, no. I won't get over this disgust. I shouldn't have to, and I shouldn't be asked to. My disgust is with the inherent corruption of a system that requires money to participate, and then tells those who don't participate that they have no right to complain.

I've written something myself in reaction to your post, and it's loosely based on a woman at the Dean rally, but I've taken substantial license with your version of the events and therefore not explicitly referred to you anywhere, since I introduced stuff that likely doesn't have anything to do with you (eg, the CD/mall stuff at the end). (If you want me to link to your entry, let me know and I will add one.)

Cheers.

.dh.

Cheers right back atya.

Posted at 10:55 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

2 by m on War

June 12, 2003

I'm busy putting together a mix CD for a friend's husband and m walks in and has this conversation with me:

m: What are you doing, mom?
Mom: Making a mix CD for someone...
m: Who?
Mom: Actually, it's for someone who is stationed in Iraq. Someone in the military. Do you want to write him a letter to put in with the CD?
m: Only if he promises to surrender!

(You see, he assumed I was writing to an Iraqi soldier.)

& Today, we were looking at a giant book of maps for children. m was trying to find "The Sea Of Worms" (If anyone can clue me in to what this is, I'd greatly appreciate it) and we were paging through, pointing at various important countries:

Mama: There's Italy, where my dad's parents come from...and there's Germany, where my mom's parents come from.
m: That's where Rachel, Axel, and Elsa live now!
Mama: Right...and there's France, where Pierre is from.
m: France is our ally. Or, they used to be. Are they still our ally, mom?
Mama: They're still our ally, m...They just didn't support the war. Most of the world didn't support the war.
m: Then why did we have it?
Mama: Because most of the world is kind of afraid of the US, because the US is pretty powerful...and kinda scary.
m: (who beamed, visibly proud that his country is so powerful) You should write a letter to the PRESIDENT, mom.
Mama: I have. I've written a lot of letters.
m: Did anyone write back?
Mama: Not really...Look...here's Iraq.
m: Does Iraq have any allies, mom?
Mama: (really struggling to not push any more strong opinions on m, as I feel pretty strongly that he should be allowed to come to his own conclusions.) I'm sure they do, but no one really helped them in the war.
m: (looking a bit shocked) You mean they fought the war all by themselves? Why didn't they ask for aid? (yes, he said "aid" - the kid totally cracks me up...)
Mama: I think anyone they might have asked for aid from would have been too afraid to give it, m.
m: (looking at the map of resources) Wow! Iraq certainly has a LOT of oil. That's a valuable resource.
Mama: ...exactly, kiddo.

(Earlier in the week, m had been explaining to me that most wars are fought for territory or resources (something he has learned from playing AOE2) do you think he's starting to get it?)

I went on to show him the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, and to tell him that many people believe that's where human society originated, and that it is a very fertile and environmentally sensitive area...and I touched on how war hurts the environment...and then we stopped talking about war for the day, because I figured I should let it all sink in.

But later, at playgroup, the closing circle story was The Very Grouchy Ladybug, which is a story about a Ladybug who flies around trying to pick fights with everyone. And when the story teller asked the children who would win a fight between a ladybug and a snake, m said something that I KNOW I've said before about war:

"No one, because fighting hurts everyone."

That's my boy. That's my beautiful boy.

Posted at 12:05 AM • Comments (7) • TrackBack

A conversation with a WICwhore

June 11, 2003

about an e-mail I have received and will be responding to shortly. The gist of the e-mail was that we on the left need to get over our "hatred of money" so we can fund a viable opposition to the right...and then he posted a fictional story "based on" my post about the rally. Of course, he meant no disrespect to me, and he used a liberal amount of license...so it wasn't actually meant to reflect who I really am as a person. Which is a good thing, because he has no idea who I really am.

Anyway, on to the conversation...the rebuttal will come later:

WICwhore: i am really poor so he can kiss my underprivileged green party ass
WICwhore: i'll even fess to our annual income
WICwhore: of like less than 20k or something
lgbdozer: I make **k
lgbdozer: but, I live in Austin
lgbdozer: where that's pretty much the poverty line.
WICwhore: i live in govt housing - wahahahha
lgbdozer: fun!
WICwhore: yeah - i am selling my wic milk on the blackmarket and everything
lgbdozer: hahaha
lgbdozer: Well, I don't consider myself to be poor.
WICwhore: to buy more silk!
WICwhore: heh heh
lgbdozer: no...crack!
lgbdozer: because all poor people are on crack..
lgbdozer: and lazy.
lgbdozer: so you need to keep yrself well-slippered.
lgbdozer: and you need to buy bon-bons.
WICwhore: yeah - that's what they'd put my energetic kids on if they went to school, oh wait, no, that was ritalin
lgbdozer: Because that's all you eat.
lgbdozer: and don't forget 20 televisions, all tuned to soap operas.
WICwhore: oh man, if you could see my wellfed physique
WICwhore: or actual tv
lgbdozer: There was a woman at co-op today who was talking about the wealthy fucks who sent their kids to the presitgious montessori school where she used to work.
WICwhore: what did she say?
lgbdozer: She said something like "Those people should NOT be allowed to have children."
lgbdozer: hahahahahaha
lgbdozer: sterilize the rich!
WICwhore: no shit, we'll just end up raising their kids anyway
WICwhore: then again, it does provide jobs
lgbdozer: yeah.
WICwhore: can you cut and paste this conversation and post it
WICwhore: but like with my name anon
lgbdozer: if you want me to.
lgbdozer: how much of it?
WICwhore: cause i don't want to lose my wic or anything but i'd like other ppl to share in the mirth
WICwhore: i guess starting with that guy kissing my lazy poor green ass
lgbdozer: hahaha
lgbdozer: ok.
lgbdozer: I just might do that.
WICwhore: which is curently supposed to be cleaning the house to get ready for my under the table childcare job, i shit you not
WICwhore: but instead, lazily chatting on a computer i bought with the earned income credit
lgbdozer: yes.
WICwhore: um, you can call me wicwhore
lgbdozer: because POOR PEOPLE shouldn't be allowed to HAVE computers.
lgbdozer: The nerve of you uppity poor people.
WICwhore: because then we spend all our time finding out what other ppl can afford to do on the weekends
lgbdozer: Wasting our hard earned tax dollars on...um...an unessential piece of plastic.

lgbdozer: you there still?
WICwhore: ack
WICwhore: yes
lgbdozer: I'm not sure where you wanted it to end...but I posted up to the part about your earned income credit and how poor people shouldn't have computers.
lgbdozer: I feel like I need your approval before posting.
WICwhore: i really want ppl to read about my wicwhore green party existence!
WICwhore: did it include my illegal two bucks an hour job?
WICwhore: i want it to
lgbdozer: yes.
lgbdozer: Your illegal job is included.
WICwhore: what's the use in living the stereotype if you can't share the joy
WICwhore: ok, cool!
lgbdozer: hahahahahahaha
WICwhore: i am a figment of phil gramm's imagination
lgbdozer: I should end it by saying "Gotta go shoot some heroin now."
WICwhore: and you can quote me on that

Posted at 5:16 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Morning

June 11, 2003

I got to sleep in for a whole hour this morning because L swooped in and grabbed the kids just as they were beginning to wake me up. It was blissful to luxuriate in an empty bed and the thought of uninterrupted morning rest. I didn't even do any thinking while I lay there...I just, um, luxuriated.

So I'm thinking that's why I don't have anything to write about this morning, except maybe a list of things that I wanna write about:

I wanna write more about zagg's randomwalks post about "lesser evilism." I read the post awhile back, but I don't think I read all of the links because, man, I'm on dialup. And he just posted something else, as well...with more links.
I wanna post something about how m gives a thumbs up to homeschooling and a thumbs down to going to school, and how L keeps trying to tell him he needs to go to public school so he can make more friends.
I wanna talk about cub scouts, because m wants to join, and I just don't have time to start a spiral scout or earth scout troop, and it's looking like m will be a cub scout by default, which I'm not sure I can deal with.
I wanna talk about "teaching" m fractions (I'm sorry to be boastful, but I'm pretty impressed with how easily m learns things.)
I wanna talk about the upcoming trip to DC, and beg for money.
I really wanna talk about my relationship and what's been going on, but I don't think I will.
I wanna talk about embracing the less "healthy" aspects of my personality - and some things k8 has said that have totally resonated with me.
I wanna talk about reclaiming my space, which is another idea that was spurred by ms. k8.
I wanna talk about how I frequently find myself suddenly completely disinterested in all of the people I care about...and how I have to temporarily isolate myself on occasion. I wanna talk about how hard it is to be my friend.
I wanna talk about this weird e-mail I got from someone who wants information about my friend who committed suicide, but I'm not sure if I will talk about this. It depends on how creepy she is in her response.
I wanna talk about how I had a 10 minute conversation with my mom the other day, and how I ended the conversation withOUT feeling like strangling her. This is huge.
I wanna talk about Layne, and how very cool she is. Layne ROCKS.
I wanna talk about "workforce development" and my job, and the upcoming ctcnet conference, and "changes at the workplace" and this alien feeling of budding job stress that I haven't felt since I quit Kinko's.

I'm sure there's more, but the fact is that I don't have time to talk about any of it right now. I need to find some stories to read for morning circle, and get some food and coffee in me.

Hope yr morning is going well.

Posted at 9:41 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

c's Purple Crayon

June 10, 2003

So, cy's imagination has just completely bloomed over the past week or so. This morning, we were birds. I'm the mama bird, cy's the baby. And I'm supposed to bring him worms to eat and he hops around flapping his little wings and pretending to fly. His nest was the bathtub, and I had to communicate with him in an elaborate and as-yet-untranslatable language of chirps and peeps. I did pretty good, though, because we were able to keep up the game for about half an hour today without him getting mad at me for saying something wrong in bird talk.

Later in the day, he was a cat. Only he wasn't just ANY cat. He was our child-hating cat who likes to scratch people for no reason. I got clawed numerous times before I finally put an end to that game.

Shortly thereafter was when c decided he was a TIGER. Only this time he wasn't play acting, he was reading a story from an imaginary book. Which basically meant he sat on the bed with his hands in front of him like an open book, and he turned the pages as he "read" something that went kinda like this:

Once upon a time
there was a TIGER
Tiger says ROOOOOOAOOOOAOOOAAR!!!

And then there was a MOUSE
And tiger made a fist
And CLUBBED mouse
(cy bangs his tiny fist on the bed)

And then MOUSE
found a ROCK
and clubbed the TIGER

The end.

I'll refrain from asserting any political commentary, but I am kind of hoping this is a good sign that c won't follow in m's fascist footsteps.

So, suddenly m is waking up at 7 in the morning every morning. Which wouldn't be such a big deal, because, you know, a SIX YEAR OLD ought to be capable of just hanging out and entertaining himself until mom and little bro are ready to wake up. Especially since that same 6 year old knows how to read.

But no.

m's trick is to wake up at 7 AM and immediately come into the bedroom and wake us up, and then to start demanding things while sleepy, grouchy mama fumbles around and tries REALLY hard not to do any permanent damage to any people or objects.

*sigh*

To top it all off...cy and I just had this conversation:

c: can I pway wif scissors? Can I play wif scissors, mama?
Mama: no...we don't play with scissors, cy.
c: (something that SOUNDED like) but I wanna cut you in half..
Mama: (looks at c with a puzzled expression
c: Can I have a knife?
Mama: (laughs nervously)

Thankfully, he just ran off into another room. I have to run and hide all of the sharp objects now.

Ah, early mornings are so fun. Especially when I have the sinus thing going on.

Sigh. Someone make me some fuckin' coffee...

Posted at 8:08 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Howard Dean in Austin...tonight

June 9, 2003

I have to work, and I would never even THINK about sneaking out early to see Howard Dean speak. So, if you see me there, it's not really me. It's just someone who LOOKS like me.

Posted at 8:45 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Still more about our lying president

June 9, 2003

Oh, fer crying out...does ANYONE believe this shit anymore?

'We are being very careful now not to jump to any conclusions about these vehicles,' said one source familiar with the investigation. 'On the basis of intelligence we do believe that mobile labs do exist. What is not certain is that these vehicles are actually them so we are being careful not to jump the gun.'
The claim, however, that the two vehicles are mobile germ labs has been repeated frequently by both Blair and President George Bush in recent days in support of claims that they prove the existence of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction.

During his whistle stop tour of the Gulf, Europe and Russia, Blair repeatedly briefed journalists that the trailers were germ production labs which proved that Iraq had WMD.

But chemical weapons experts, engineers, chemists and military systems experts contacted by The Observer over the past week, say the layout and equipment found on the trailers is entirely inconsistent with the vehicles being mobile labs. Both US Secretary of State Colin Powell, when he addressed the UN Security Council prior to the war, and the British Government alleged that Saddam had such labs.

A separate investigation published by the New York Times yesterday discloses that the trailers have now been investigated by three different teams of Western experts, with the third and most senior group of analysts apparently divided sharply over their function.

'I have no great confidence that it's a fermenter,' a senior analyst said of a tank supposed to be capable of multiplying seed germs into lethal swarms. The government's public report, he said, 'was a rushed job and looks political'. The analyst had not seen the trailers, but reviewed evidence from them.

Another intelligence expert who has seen the trailers told the US paper: 'Everyone has wanted to find the "smoking gun" so much that they may have wanted to have reached this conclusion. I am very upset with the process.'

I am so so sickened by all of this.

[link via veterans for common sense]

Posted at 8:39 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

great

June 9, 2003

Still waiting for someone to defend the idea that we "won" the war. Or are "winning" the war on terror, for that matter.

Washington's "war on terror" has made the world more dangerous by curbing human rights, undermining international law and shielding governments from scrutiny, Amnesty International said Wednesday.
Releasing its annual report into global human rights abuses in 2002, the London-based watchdog also urged the world to do more to sort out Iraq's problems now the Gulf War is over.

In one of its sharpest criticisms yet of Washington, Amnesty said the bid to stamp out terror in the wake of the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 had largely backfired.

"It has deepened divisions among people of different faiths and origins, sowing the seeds for more conflict," it said in a statement. "The overwhelming impact of all this is genuine fear across all sectors of society."

The truth of the matter? We haven't won shit. Which would be sucky enough for the whole USA vs. the world olympic hockey game sort of atmosphere we've created, but...you know...real people are dying , not just losing teeth, because we lost this one.

Oh, and Tish posted a link to this article. Is it possible the democrats are finally, um, putting themselves on the line a little bit? Let's hope so.

It is long past time that the President and this Administration show its evidence,' stated Kucinich, the leader of the opposition to the war in Iraq in the House. "Today, we are introducing a Resolution of Inquiry to compel the White House to substantiate its claims. The President led the nation to war, and spent at least $63 billion on that war, on the basis of these unfounded assertions."
The resolution, introduced today by 30 Members of Congress, led by Kucinich, seeks to force the Administration to turn over the intelligence to substantiate claims by the President, Vice President, Secretary of Defense, and the White House Press Secretary that Iraq has chemical and biological weapons and therefore posed a threat to the United States.

Maybe if we all cross our fingers, our government will start to govern for the PEOPLE.

[link to abs/cbn article via madame fab]

Posted at 7:35 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

A tent in my backyard

June 8, 2003

I came home late to find a tent in my backyard.

I'm assuming this is where my husband and children are currently sleeping, but I'm not sure...

...and I'm kind of afraid to check.

Posted at 11:54 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

How to lose a man in 10 days.

June 8, 2003

So, I think I inadvertantly stood someone up tonight. I had plans with a friend today, but I didn't think we had solidified the plans and I don't have his phone number, so I left a feeble e-mail last night telling him to call me, but I realize now that he maybe doesn't have a computer at home. So, anyway, I didn't get a chance to hang out with him, which makes me upset a little, but...

Instead I hung out with k8. We saw a movie. How to lose a man in 10 days, I think it was called. It started off really funny although very formulaic. I mean the foreshadowing was totally heavy-handed and there were parts where they might as well have had a narrator standing in front of the camera telling you what you were supposed to be thinking about each scene...or maybe a giant stick to club yourself over the head with or something.

But it managed to be hilariously funny in parts in spite of this heavy-handedness, and in spite of a spate of fat jokes which would have had me throwing stuff at the screen if I wasn't already too busy laughing at something that had happened previously.

It got really dumb and predictable towards the end, which is to be expected (and at the discount cinema, I paid a whopping THREE BUX to get in, which is less than I would have paid to rent the thing, especially if you count the inevitable late charges that someone like me ends up paying on anything rented) and/but we were able to laugh at it for its very cliche-ness.

Anyway, when all was said and done, we had had a rather lovely evening. And, apparently, we positively augmented the experience for the ladies three rows ahead of us, as they were kind enough to tell us our vocal enjoyment of the film had helped them to enjoy it more. Hahahahahaha. So, there...we managed to spread mirth among the strangers at the cinema, and all for 3 bux and a bag of popcorn...

...and a drink.

Posted at 11:45 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Man, I am really bummed..

June 8, 2003

It's looking like the archive file I created to back up my outlook files has either been damaged, or was improperly created. Which means I lost all of my archived e-mail, my sent and saved messages, and my calendar items.

The most important of this is the sent and saved messages. I am a fanatic about archiving my personal writing, and it bums me out that 6 months or so of my life has just been zapped.

Lesson learned: Next time, I'll test the .pst file to make sure it's all there before I wipe the system.

Bright side: I didn't lose my work e-mail, which would have been a major pain in the ass.

Other Bright side: I didn't transfer all of my e-mails that are sitting on the server in my browser-based e-mail client prior to backing up. I had considered it, but felt it would be wise to wait. Phew.

Posted at 11:49 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

If you aren't reading patriotboy...

June 8, 2003

You really must. To, you know, keep a finger on the pulse of the true right.

Dear Mr Ponte,

I've listen to the Lowell Ponte show on the radio for years. You're the kind of libertarian I like -- it's all pocketbook issues and Clenis bashing rather than that liberal keep-the-government-out-of-my-private-life baloney.

Being the big fan I am, I was happy to learn that you write for David Horowitz's frontpagemag.com. It's one of my favorite sites. It's how I keep abreast of all the mischief the Blacks and Arabs are up to. Why just today, frontpagemag reported that an Arab was caught with 32 razor blades. Can you imagine that? What is the world coming to when swarthy non-Christians are running around with razor blades in their pockets? [read more]

Posted at 9:13 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Fuck.

June 8, 2003

You know, I've spent all this time being pissed off that we have been blatently LIED TO about the presence of massive amounts of WMD, and I never thought about the OTHER consequences of the actions of our "leaders" until I read this article, which alludes to something far, far worse for us than further proof that politicians are a bunch of fuckwads who have no one's best interests but their own in mind.

Even now, while the jury is still out as to whether intentional misconduct occurred, the President has a serious credibility problem. Newsweek magazine posed the key questions: "If America has entered a new age of pre-emption —when it must strike first because it cannot afford to find out later if terrorists possess nuclear or biological weapons—exact intelligence is critical. How will the United States take out a mad despot or a nuclear bomb hidden in a cave if the CIA can't say for sure where they are? And how will Bush be able to maintain support at home and abroad?"
In an apparent attempt to bolster the President's credibility, and his own, Secretary Rumsfeld himself has now called for a Defense Department investigation into what went wrong with the pre-war intelligence. New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd finds this effort about on par with O.J.'s looking for his wife's killer. But there may be a difference: Unless the members of Administration can find someone else to blame -- informants, surveillance technology, lower-level personnel, you name it -- they may not escape fault themselves.

Congressional committees are also looking into the pre-war intelligence collection and evaluation. Senator John Warner, R-Virginia, chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee, said his committee and the Senate Intelligence Committee would jointly investigate the situation. And the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence plans an investigation.

These investigations are certainly appropriate, for there is potent evidence of either a colossal intelligence failure or misconduct -- and either would be a serious problem. When the best case scenario seems to be mere incompetence, investigations certainly need to be made.

Emphasis added.

Indeed. Let's think about this in the context of "the whole world is watching." Let's reiterate what this article is very rightfully pointing out:

If there still ARE WMD's and we haven't found them yet, certainly this must make us look bad in the eyes of the terrorist cells we were ostensibly attempting to defend ourselves against.

If there are NOT WMD's - there are two potential reasons for this:

1) There never were WMD's, in which case, we look not only like bullies, which is what I've spent all of my time worrying about, thinking there's no deterrent to being a bully. I was wrong. There is a deterrent, and it's world opinion. The Bush administration can pretend to ignore world opinion, but we, the American people who do not have lead-lined escape hatches, cannot. Because world opinion if there WEREN'T weapons of mass destruction, we not only look like bullies, we look like idiots who can't even discern where the real threat lies.

2) There were WMD's, but they have been dispersed and disseminated throughout the region, in which case we are not only fucked, but we also look like idiots who can't prevent our opponents from ducking and running and completely getting away with doing so.

So, basically, we are fucked. We are so fucked. We are so totally and completely fucked any way we look at this.

And, being the jaded conspiracy freak that I am, I can't believe this wasn't predictable. And if it was predictable, I'm wondering how the Bush administration is benefiting from it. Did they allow WMD's to be transported prior to the war? Did they make a deal with Hussein - his life in exchange for...what? Who's getting paid for this, is what I really want to know.

I guarantee you, it is NOT the American people. Nor is it the people of Iraq. (and I wonder what kind of terrorism we are breeding in this country with the slide towards poverty.)

And I really would like for someone to defend the position that we "won" this war now. Because I just don't see victory in all of this. And I worry that most Americans have turned off their televisions and are missing the ACTUAL ending. I worry that we are witnessing the reason history repeats itself...and not to engage in self-aggrandizement, but I feel like the lemming who didn't jump, looking down the cliff and thinking "if only they had paid attention."

Just...fuck.

[link to Dean article courtesy of jhames and randomwalks.]

[links to article about the roots of terrorism courtesy of letter never sent.]

Posted at 8:57 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Road Trip

June 8, 2003

I just realized I only have about 2 weeks before I go up to DC for an unspecified length of time. Is that right? TWO WEEKS? Shit.

Thankfully, I think I have everything I need for the journey except for my pre-emptive reimbursement check which my boss has assured me I will have prior to leaving. Um, that'd be awfully helpful, thanks. I also am still debating whether or not I should spend the money on AAA travel club or if I should risk it. I think I've mentioned this before...and for some reason the fact that I'm mentioning it makes me superstitiously think I need to get traveler's insurance of some sort now. sigh.

I have maps, but I haven't even started to figure out my route. I figure it'll be more fun to make it up as I go along, and I always discover interesting routes enroute, anyway. The journey is half the vacation.

I chatted briefly with Adam last night about the possibility of having a potluck or something while I"m there. It seems like that would give people who might want to come hang out for an evening a chance to do so, as it does not look like I'll be traveling beyond DC. I need to get in touch with my friend in Boston and a couple of people in the DC area itself. The potluck will be on the 29th, I think. Whatever the last Sunday of the month is.

I'll probably head for DC on the June 22 or 23 and then head back to austin on the 30th. If I have enough funds, I'll trek towards chicago...another decision that will have to be made en route, and which will weigh on my fundage as well as my emotional fortitude, as I will need plenty of the latter to deal with the family issues that will be obtrusive there.

Not that family issues aren't obtrusive here.

*sigh*

Anyway, I'm looking forward to having a load and a half of fun, and anyone who happens to live along the way from Austin to DC should get in touch and let me know if you are worth stopping to have coffee with.

Hope everyone is having a nice evening. I'm listening to music and laying on the couch looking at the stupid visualizations on Windows Media Player. Sifting through my gigantic MP3 collection to find the perfect 10 or so tunes to put on the summer crush mix that I will distribute on my journeys.

Any requests?

Posted at 12:15 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Madame Insane Is In Effect

June 7, 2003

Just a quick note to let any interested parties know that Madame Insane is back up and running.

Properly, even.

Thanks again to Dru for letting me stop in.

Posted at 8:26 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

What kind of blogger am I?

June 7, 2003

What the hell! you do what you want, regardless if
any one is out there or not! Keep on truckin'!

What kind of blogger am I?
brought to you by Quizilla

Damn Straight!

link courtesy of Thymewise.

Posted at 2:58 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Martin needs a spanking

June 7, 2003

I was so happy to catch cen online yesterday, because I had to tell her that I was watching Zoboomafoo the other day, and Martin looked straight at the camera and said "I feel like a good paddle."

I shit you not. m could not figure out why I busted out laughing.

Of course, he was talking about kayaking, but...you know...let's not quibble over the finer details.

cen, I did a google search for "martin kratt"+naked, and got nothing. Sorry.

And I still think Chris is the cuter Kratt Brother.

Posted at 12:29 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Hey, it's Lisa B-K!

June 7, 2003

DruBlood rules... thanks, woman.

Hey. It's Lisa B-K. For those of you reading this who might be happening to wonder just what in the ever-lovin' hell happened to my blog, I'm here to tell you that I have no idea.

The server got infected or something and crashed. Then it got partially fixed. Then it started posting entries from someone else's blog on the server... multiple times. My dad called our house, worried that something had happened to me and people were posting bogus shit (now I know where I get my paranoia from!). I've gotten email from people asking where I've been and if everything is OK, which is really cool. Thanks for asking.

Everything's fine.

Today we'll be attending a birthday party for 6 year-old L, whose mother is the fabulous A. It's going to be a luau, minus the pig.

Meghan the Glassblower striped and trimmed my hair last night. Amy the Fledgling Publicist and MJ the Web Designer were also in attendance. Beer, smokes, cats, good music.

The weather is sort of cooperating. My garden is a little perturbed at the lack of sunlight. It gets greener but not... bigger. I'm going to start talking to my basil plants.

Enough for now. I'm encouraged by the fact that my last post, dated May 31, is up at my site instead of the mystery blogger's. Perhaps I'll be able to post from my own site sometime this weekend.

Thanks again, Dru!!

Posted at 11:44 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Part 2: Surfing Bird

June 6, 2003

audblog audio post

Posted at 9:51 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Part One: DruBlood Goes WILD

June 6, 2003

Wild, I tell ya!

audblog audio post

Posted at 9:50 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Well, PHEW! It's a good thing they cleared THAT up.

June 6, 2003

Because, you know, I was beginning to worry that after seeing the movie, my son would try to free himself from the fishtank by escaping through the toilet. I'll be sure to read him this article so he knows that just can't happen!

In the unlikely event Nemo survived the deadly machines, the company added, he would probably be killed by the chlorine disinfection.

Oh, wait...I should tell him that he can't flush his live fish down the toilet, because they might get ground up. OK...that makes more sense. A little.

I guess this kills the alligator myth, doesn't it?

[link via boing boing]

Posted at 5:57 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

tonight

June 6, 2003

So I think Susan has successfully scared me off from attending the ISO forum. I just don't feel like doing battle for my soul tonight. I dunno...that might change when I've had a chance to mellow out in the cool air-conditioned comfort of my workplace.

Instead, I brought all of my back up CD's and am going to work on restoring my computer to it's former glory. I gave up on installing office xp, since the copy I have is fuct. Instead, I've installed Office 2000. Before you go telling me I'm a poser and am supporting the evil microsoft empire, I have to say in my defense that we teach these classes, so I need to put this software on my machine which is, ostensibly, for work.

I have about a gazillion zip disks at home, on which I have stored all manner of important documents like all of the transcripts for my novel and various incarnations and images of my zines. I'm going to go trolling around for software that will make my zip drive compatible with windows xp. Is this possible? I haven't touched a zip drive since I left kinko's three years ago. If worse comes to worse, I'm thinking I can get my kinko's friend to burn the contents of the zip disks to cd for me, which is what I intend to do if I can hook the drive up. Then maybe I can sell the blank zip disks on e-bay for a hefty profit. I have like 20 of the things. Aren't they kind of expensive? Think I can get a buck or two for each? Five, even? OK, not five...but maybe a buck or two.

Had an enjoyable afternoon cooking pasta dishes and hanging out with a friend and her little ones. It's been five days since I have seen a cockroach in my house, ever since I spread the borax, so I'm feeling considerably less self-conscious about inviting people over. I might even attempt to have a potluck at some point in the future.

I'm also going to spend some time tonight preparing for my journey. I still have to decide if I'm going to invest in some sort of traveler's insurance like triple A or something. It's like 60 bux, but that might be worth it if it will ensure that someone will come to my aid if I have car trouble along the way. I'm relatively certain that I can change a tire, but I'm not certain that I would want to change a tire with tired, screaming children to care for. You know? But I have so little money to spare, and so much that seems to be calling for it.

I also still have to find someone to watch my dog. I hate asking favors like this of people...but I'm going to have to hit up my friends.

What else, what else? hmmm...nothing I can think of that might be of any interest at the moment. I think it'll be a fun night here. When they cut the air conditioning off, I'll probably relocate to a coffee shop or restaurant and do some reading and/or writing.

And I'd say, that's a pretty nice day.

Posted at 5:46 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

a test

June 6, 2003

This one's via scratchmittens:

Test Results

You think of yourself as being happy, peaceful, industrious, and pleasant.

Others think of you as being mysterious, unique, curious, and strange.

Your relationships can be described as calm, clean, vast, and tranquil.

When stressed, you feel panicked.

Take this test here.

Posted at 9:57 AM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

today

June 6, 2003

Dunno what I'm gonna do today, as I woke up to a note that says that L needs to "be somewhere" from 1-3, which, conveniently, cuts right into the middle of my alone time. This could be a good thing, as there's a meeting for the ISO on campus tonight and, while I'm not necessarily interested in joining the ISO, I am interested in the topic of this meeting:

THE BLOODY HISTORY OF U.S. OCCUPATIONS: As the US occupation of Iraq continues in the name of liberation for the Iraqi people, come to a discussion next week on the real history of war and occupations since the United States stepped upon the world scene as an imperialist power.

and, as it is a public forum, I'm assuming you don't have to be a member to participate. So, I guess I'll just take my mama time in the evening hours and scoot on over there. It helps that it's free, and easy to get to on the bus. Perhaps I'll invite a friend.

I just posted my recipe for handsfull pesto at the recipe blog. Right now, the kids are eating peanut butter and honey sandwiches with the last scraps of bread (I should probably throw another loaf in the bread machine). Dunno what I'm going to do with them all day, as I was kind of looking forward to getting out of here around noon. My patience is on "E", but I've been doing much better with containing my weird sense of impatience with them.

However, m just totally flusters me. To some extent, I can understand why cy needs attention and touch all the time because he's TWO. But m absolutely refuses to entertain himself most of the time, and it drives me up a wall. Particularly when L acts like it's somehow my duty to keep him entertained 24 hours a day. It's my belief that the children need to learn how to entertain themselves without outside intervention. I do, a few times a day, engage in activities with them, but No, I am not Julie your fucking cruise director, and I am not responsible for your boredom. I'm happy to give direction or suggestion, but I am not a toy for your amusement (and, yes, I have told m "I am not your cruise director" and I have to remind him countless times every day to "stop playing with me and c like we are your toys." Because he does - he pokes and pushes and climbs on and prods and otherwise attempts to manipulate us as if we were inanimate playthings, and that's just not cool).

Sigh. I just remember when he was c's age...I used to be able to set him down with something interesting, and he would play by himself for hours, if I would let him. Now I have TWO cling monsters, and it drives me nearly insane.

But I really didn't start writing this so I could bitch about the kids. I'm having an excellent time with them, aside from the fact that I wish Mr. m was a bit more independent. We've been spending a lot of time talking and figuring stuff out, and last night there was this baby on the bus who was so adorable that I actually YEARNED for cy looking at this baby. I felt that lactation tingling. hahahahaha. So, I'm apparently not OVERLY stressed out, parenting wise. I'm just kinda looking forward to mama time.

Um...I'm thinking there really wasn't much point to this blog entry other than pointless rambling, and I kind of have run out of stuff to ramble about. Happy Friday, everyone.

Posted at 9:50 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Something to celebrate.

June 5, 2003

This blog you are now reading is NUMBER 3 on the google search for How to make out/kissing.

Does this qualify me as an "expert"?

And, um...check out The Player's Page. hahahhahahaha. Look, I'm just a rank amateur player, and I'm getting almost as many hits as the professionals.

Hmmm...maybe I ought to go into business.

Posted at 11:14 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

A Room of One's Own

June 5, 2003

This week's We Have Brains Topic is all about spaces, and how we claim a space of our own in our living arrangements.

I have discovered through the years that I am savagely defensive of my space, which I'm sure is one of the most difficult things about living with me. I should have known this all along, as I have always been a homebody, but having kids has really brought out a protective side of myself that I had been unfamiliar with.

This has been problematic in my relationship with my husband. He is also protective of his space, and it seems that it's particularly difficult for two people who have very rigid boundaries to live together, as one of us is always attempting to carve out a private space, leaving very little time to spend together.

I should say this used to be a problem. Now we really just don't speak to each other, so it's becoming less and less of a problem.

But in the initial stages of our relationship, I had a very difficult time making it clear that my need to have uninterrupted quiet time was not just a way to avoid him. It was, and is, a necessity for me to gather my thoughts, particularly when I'm writing. I have lost track of the number of times I have thrown my journal across the room after hitting a groove, only to be barged in on by a probably well-meaning but no less disruptive spouse.

I think the kids eased me a bit - or, rather, having the kids around makes it virtually impossible to have uninterrupted quiet time during the day. Even with a room of my own, the anticipation of the door being opened is enough to prevent me from entering that place I need to go to really hit my stride, particularly with stream-of-consciousness stuff. So I'm a bit more mellow about the journal throwing, but it can be frustrating not having the option of going there in my own home.

I've mentioned before that I get plenty of time to myself, and I take advantage of that time to do whatever it is that I need to do to rejuvenate myself, but there's really nothing like having that space in the comfort of my home in which I can let loose and let the thoughts flow. I will be cleaning out my office this month and next month (it'll probably be a two-month job!) and I'm hoping that I can create a space that will enable me to at least temporarily enter that space. I won't be able to lock or barricade the door, but I might be able to create an atmosphere that is conducive to my personal creative process. I just hope I don't alienate my family in the process.

Posted at 8:06 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Shows.

June 5, 2003

Since I mentioned that I fondly remember (and miss tremendously) that time in my life when I was able to go to shows on a regular basis, I thought I would list some of the best shows I've seen:

First
Howard Jones at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago - sometime between 85 and 87. My brother took me to this show. It was the Dream Into Action tour.

First without a family member
(and last and always - they played so much) Naked Raygun at Cabaret Metro in Chicago. I think it was in 1987...maybe before, I can't remember. But years later, I got a job at a Kinko's and the drummer was the assistant manager. We ridiculed him endlessly about the lack of stage presence of the band, and he rewarded me by letting me housesit and take care of his adorable cats when Raygun toured Europe in '89. It was pretty fun. And he was a really nice guy, in spite of the fact that the entire band was totally wooden on stage, and they probably should have stopped making records after all rise. Well, ok...vanilla blue was pretty good, so I'll let that other record slide.

The only band that I might have seen more than Naked Raygun:
Screeching Weasel. But that doesn't count because I had a lifetime free pass into Durty Nellies/McGregor's because I designed flyers for them and I won a halloween costume contest one year. (Just as I started typing this "I Wanna Be a Homosexual" came on the mp3 player.) ("You rub your little thing when you see phony dykes in penthouse magazine. So what's the difference, Mr. Cream Rinse, you just need a man. A beefy leather fag, to dress you up in drag." bahahhahaha "Shock the middle class...take it up your punk rock ass!")

Most Intense
Definitely Hugo Largo at Cabaret Metro in 1988 or 1989. They put on an incredible performance, particularly of the song "Second Skin" I really though the singer was going to eviscerate herself on stage.

Friends of Betty also put on an awesomely intense show almost all the time, but the one I remember best was the benefit for Peace Fest. The drummer played so hard, his drumstick shattered into wooden shrapnel. I had a huge crush on him (surprise surprise!) and I grabbed the remains of the drum stick and still have them to this day, I think. We interviewed Friends of Betty for a tapezine, but they had changed drummers, so I never got to meet my dream man. sigh.

Biggest Bragging Rights
Probably seeing Beatnigs at McGregor's. They were on the bill with D.O.A. and I think S.N.F.U. or some other pretty popular band. They were supposed to be the opener (!) and their tour van got stuck somewhere, so they ended up arriving late and headlining and everyone left because they were pretty unknown at the time. They played full out with their sheets of metal and all that industrial gear for a crowd of about 20. And I got to shake Michael Franti's hand. Of course, I was "in the know" about Beatnigs because I had been writing to Eric Cope from Glorious Din and Insight Records, and Beatnigs were on one of their comps "To Sell Kerosene Door to Door." (one of the benefits of being a zine girl was I had the appearance of being hip when I was actually just a big nerd with too much fucking time on my hands.)

Runner up for Bragging Rights:
Big Black at the Halfway Inn in Ann Arbor, with the now-famous Matt Kelly, editor of cool beans (hahaha) although at the time he was just Matthew Light, boy of my dreams. The power went out midway through the set, and Steve Albini asked people to throw underwear on stage...or money. Someone threw a sock, and Albini held it up and said "This wasn't exactly what I meant by underwear." It was funny. He told jokes, too.

2nd runner up for Bragging Rights:
The nth-millionth time I saw Naked Raygun, and Jim O'Barr, creator of the Crow, was there with my friend Brian. Another one of those benefits of being a zine nerd - you write to a ton of people, and every once in awhile you meet someone that other people think are cool, and you get to brag about it. Hahahhaa.

Most recent good show:
Cibo Matto somewhere on the campus of UT a few years back. They are so awesome live.

Most disappointing:
Chumbawamba at the Cavity here in Austin...in, um, 1992 or 1993. It wasn't disappointing because of the band, but because the crowd was being too rough, there was a kid in the pit who was in danger of getting hurt, and the band stopped playing after repeated warnings for the crowd to calm down. It wasn't even slam dance music they were playing, and I was fairly new to Austin and it left me with a really bad impression of the "scene" that I never really got over.

Best EXPERIENCE:
Crash Worship somewhere on someone's land in Dripping Springs, TX in the spring or summer of 1995. It was really awesome. 12 hours or so of chronic strap-on bliss. I should transcribe my account of it - I know it's around here somewhere.

Most Funky:
That would have been Trenchmouth and Chia Pet at #1 Soul in Rockford IL. They never failed to get the booties shaking.

Most crowd-friendly:
Chia Pet and Doubt at some coffee shop in Normal, IL (I think...I can't remember if it was Normal or Champagne) The crowd had a fully-clothed orgy at the end, and I brought a bag full of ring pops and asked random strangers to marry me. After the show, me and Gar and Kera and Critter and Pete the Limey piled into my mom's '88 mustang and drove to hell and back (Hell being Arizona) on a stinkified road trip. It was great.

I'll probably be back to post more and to add links. I gotta make some yummy pesto for lunch.

Posted at 11:56 AM • Comments (6) • TrackBack

layers

June 5, 2003

It's dark outside and raining, so I figured it would be a good day for a meme. Swiped this one from Monica:

LAYER ONE

-- Name: Drucilla B. Blood
-- Birth date: January 5, 1970
-- Birthplace: Des Plaines, IL (the city of destiny)
-- Current Location: Austin, TX
-- Eye Color: Brown
-- Hair Color: Brown
-- Height: 5'4" (?)
-- Righty or Lefty: Lefty
-- Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

LAYER TWO:

-- Your heritage: German and Italian
-- The shoes you wore today: haven't put any on yet, probably my boots, though
-- Your weakness: a tendency to either tune people out or get short with them when I'm concentrating on something else (even if that something else is less important than the person I'm turning out/getting short with)
-- Your fears: Driving over bridges, Fire.
-- Your perfect pizza: Chicago Style deep dish with cheese and onion
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Writing my damn novel, even if I never publish it.

LAYER THREE:

-- Your most overused phrase on IM: "ah" and "hahahhahahaha"
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Usually my first thought is "why is this baby PINCHING MY ARM?!!"
-- Your best physical feature: I kinda like my nose and my lips.
-- Your most missed memory: An old friend who died & hanging out at shows.

LAYER FOUR:

-- Pepsi or Coke: I'm ashamed to say Pepsi.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Neither. Thundercloud Subs! Support local business!
-- Single or group dates: Date? What's that?
-- Adidas or Nike: I guess Adidas, since I found a pair used at the thrift store.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: um. no thanks. Although I guess I grew up with Lipton.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: whatever's available.

LAYER FIVE:

-- Smoke: No.
-- Cuss: Fuck yeah.
-- Sing: Not publically. But I've been known to bust out on the car.
-- Take a shower everyday: You've got to be fucking kidding me.
-- Do you think you've been in love: hahahaha. Every day of my life.
-- Want to go to college: Wouldn't mind taking more classes
-- Like(d) high school: I liked the stuff I was doing then, but it had nothing to do with school
-- Want to get married: Probably not ever again...but who knows?
-- Believe in yourself: Oh, yeah. Sure.
-- Get motion sickness: Not usually.
-- Think you're attractive: I suppose to some people I am. I have no idea.
-- Think you're a health freak: pseudo health freak, yeah. Except when I'm at work.
-- Get along with your parent(s): Not currently
-- Like thunderstorms: Definitely.
-- Play an instrument: I am so unmusical it's not even funny.

LAYER SIX:
In the past month...

-- Drank alcohol: Never
-- Smoked: No
-- Done a drug: probably...
-- Made Out: In my dreams.
-- Gone on a date: No, unless you count going to a little concert with my son.
-- Gone to the mall?: Walked through it on my way from the bus stop to work...does that count? It's air conditioned in there!
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Um, no.
-- Eaten sushi: blech.
-- Been on stage: Baby, I am ALWAYS on stage.
-- Been dumped: Not exactly.
-- Gone skating: nope
-- Made homemade cookies: nope
-- Gone skinny dipping: Um...I'm a total prude. No.
-- Dyed your hair: No...but I thought about it.
-- Stolen anything: Not that I know of.
-- You sound boring: Yeah...it's not a thrilling life, but it's all mine.

LAYER SEVEN
Ever...

-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Not a formal game, no.
-- If so, was it mixed company: No.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yeah, sure...not alcohol, though.
-- Been caught "doing something": um...not sure what this means. But, yeah kinda. I think my sister caught me giving some guy a feel at some point.
-- Been called a tease: All the time.
-- Gotten beaten up: No
-- Shoplifted: Way too paranoid
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Just at my old job, and it didn't fucking work.

LAYER EIGHT:

-- Age you hope to be married: I am married.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: I'm beginning to think 2 is enough. And I like their names just fine.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: ??If I had to do it all over again, the only thing I would change would be that I would go on a honeymoon. A nice one.
-- How do you want to die: I don't. Ever.
-- Where you want to go to college: Some hippy place like Antioch, or Someplace cheap.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Content
-- What country would you most like to visit: Hmmm...I don't know. I am still busy exploring the U.S.

LAYER NINE (I found it, Eliza!)
In a guy/girl..

-- Best eye color? My husband has the most beautiful eyes. They're blue with flecks of all sorts of other colors in them.
-- Best hair color? No preference
-- Short or long hair: No preference
-- Height: No preference
-- Best weight: No preference
-- Best articles of clothing: I don't really think about stuff like this!
-- Best first date location: Someplace simple and nice. Like a walk in the park or a picnic or something
-- Best first kiss location: Mouth. (I wholeheartedly agree) or Neck...or along the chin.

LAYER TEN:

-- Number of drugs taken illegally: Only pot. nothing else. No desire.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: I have no earthly clue. I guess it would depend on the situation.
-- Number of CDs that I own: about 200 or so.
-- Number of piercings: I guess I have 4 or 5 holes in my ears but I never wear earrings. I want to get my nose pierce, but I know I'll lose interest in that relatively quickly, as well.
-- Number of tattoos: Just the bulldozer
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Dunno for sure.
-- Number of scars on my body: 3 or 4 little ones.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: One big thing...not much else.

Posted at 9:48 AM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

Finding Nemo

June 4, 2003

I took the kids out to meet up with the homeschool co-opers at the Millenium Youth complex, but upon arrival (and thank maude I have been an abysmal failure at the trial car-free thing, because I would have been really pissed if I had bussed all the way out there) we discovered it was closed. CLOSED! Even though it says right there on the website that it's supposed to be open from 9 AM - 6 PM. GrrrRRRRrrr.

The rest of the Young Explorers (which is the name of the co-op) decided to relocate the playdate to the Austin Children's Museum, which really is a lovely place to spend an afternoon, but it's also immensely stressful as it's totally not secure, and when the kids go in two seperate directions and I have to chase after one or the other, I'm never quite sure if the other is going to get kidnapped. Which seems like an irrational fear, but there really is no security in that place, and it just seems like an accident waiting to happen...kidnapping, falling from something, and whatever else happens. It's far too stressful for me. I mean, even Chuck E. Cheese's puts that little flourescent stamp on your hand and has someone at the door.

OK, I also have a "thing" against the children's museum because the one time I did attempt to take both kids there, c came down with strep within a week...and that was like the ONLY place we could have caught it that week. So, yeah. I have issues. And I hate to dis such a cool place, but I'm a little leary.

Anyway, now that you know I'm a neurotic weirdo, I'll disclose that we ended up going to a movie. Finding Nemo.

Do I have to say that I cried. I totally did. I cried 3 or 4 times during the movie, which is probably why I can't stand bringing the kids to the theater above and beyond the cost of such a venture.

But it was very well air-conditioned, and the movie was actually very good. Cute, entertaining, funny, and a tear-jerker. I was impressed, m was entertained, and cy was absolutely thrilled. He talked about it all the way home and is probably still talking about "NEMO SCARY!" to papa as I type this. I think it was, in fact, a bit frightening for c, but he hung in like a trooper and didn't even get restless once, although he did exclaim loudly several times throughout the movie.

m cracks me right up. The movie started with a bit of heartache and the capture of Nemo the fish. I turned to m and said "Are you sad?" and he said "Um, no. I mean, the movie IS called FINDING Nemo, mom. They're GOING to FIND him."

Gah. I'm, like, SO dumb!

So, I'd say it was a pretty successful afternoon, even though we did not get to play with our friends. I'm hoping I can make it out the the homeschool park day tomorrow to make up for our lack of external activities throughout the week. I dread being outside in this heat, but I know the kids love to see the other homeschoolers, and it won't kill me. At least I think it won't.

But, yeah...I do recommend Nemo. I loved the sharks in recovery. hahahaha "Fish are friends, not food."

Posted at 8:29 PM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Sizism, the anti-consumerist movement and Me (or...lies, DAMN lies, and statistics)

June 4, 2003

These are some notes that I saved as draft about a year ago, when I was gathering information on an article about sizism and anti-consumerism. I might have actually published this already, but I'm not sure...and I thought it was worthwhile to go ahead and put this stuff "out there."

(can you tell I'm going back through my posts and clearing out all of my moldy old drafts?)

Sizism and Racism - The media has adopted "ideal" body proportions based upon white people. Tables of "ideal" weights based upon heights are based upon white people. People of color have a genetically distinct body type that was not taken into consideration in formulation of "ideal" proportions.

The iconography of the anti-consumerist and vegetarian movements frequently includes images of the "ugly american" as an overweight individual. Targetting a specific (oppressed) demographic as a means to advance an opinion is a tool of the patriarchy. We have learned well from our master, have we not?

This article from salon states:

So powerful is this image in our culture that, whenever a fat guy has a heart attack, people simply assume it's because he was fat. "He was a heart attack waiting to happen," is what they'll say about me if something else doesn't get me first. But whenever a thin guy has a heart attack (as many thin guys do each day), people are overwhelmed by cognitive dissonance. When my father, thin as a rail and extremely conscientious about nutrition, died at age 58 after a 10-year battle with heart disease, everybody protested, "But he was so thin!"
But self-fulfilling prophecies are not facts; correlation does not prove causation; people are not statistics; and the AMA's obsession with weight has virtually blinded it to other important factors. "Heart disease has a lot more to do with genetics and the lipid profile than with obesity," says Dr. Felix Kolb, an endocrinologist and clinical professor at the University of California Medical School. "People don't like to hear it, but there's a very strong familial incidence of these problems."

The fact is, the weight of an individual is a tiny (but exceedingly recognizable) piece of the puzzle when it comes to health.

A friend once told me that it's silly to discard the term obesity because it's just another thing to call someone, much like some african americans prefer to be called black. I have yet to meet a fat-identified person who wishes to reclaim the term "obese" As a fat mama, I reject the term on the grounds that it is an arbitrary indicator invented by the AMA for the sole purpose of pathologizing fat people.

This same friend posits that, as a thin person, she is frequently told she is anorexic, and that's just as bad as being told one is obese. First, I have to say that anorexia is a horrible disease that is the direct result of sizism and sexism. Second, I need to argue that the two terms are not equal. I AM obese. If someone calls me obese, they are speaking the truth, according to the bullshit BMI charts put forth by the AMA. She is not anorexic. Someone might accuse her of having a pathology, but she is not, in fact, pathologized. It sucks to be called a name, but it sucks even worse to be forced to accept terminology that is negative and harmful simply because it is a clinical "reality." The truth is not always the truth. There are no positive connotations to the term "obese" - the sole purpose of the term is to define a segment of the population as unhealthy. By definition, whether I like it or not, if I am 30% over the AMA's Body Mass Incex, I am obese. You can be thin and not be anorexic, you CAN'T be fat and not be obese.

Not only that, but using terms like this is unhealthy, even dangerous, to the underweight segment of the population. Reading sites and information on bmi could very well lead people to believe that they are "off the hook" healthwise, provided they maintain the acceptable weight. I've known several people who literally live on nothing but junk food and yet are remarkably thin. Many/most of these people are blissfully unaware of the very real health concerns they are facing by consuming mass amounts of chemicals, preservatives, salt, sugar, and whatever else goes into a bag of cheetos. That worry is left for the "obese" - they are the ones with the health problems.

Note that there are no scare-tactic links to information on the health problems from being "underweight" at this NIH site.

And here's a random bit that I dredged up...Don't you love how these things go on and on and on...and it's plenty ok to pick on the fatties, isn't it...not to mention that fat AUTOMATICALLY = UNATTRACTIVE.

Posted at 6:39 PM • Comments (2)

Bush to visit Iraq?

June 4, 2003

I haven't been watching the news (or listening to it, for that matter) so I don't know if Bush is really going to be visiting Iraq, or if it's just really good fodder for Fisk's righteous venting about the state of affairs in Iraq - today and throughout semi-recent history.

And what will President George Bush really do when he comes to Iraq? Mass graves are probably out, for obvious reasons. A hospital visit is a good idea - US medical aid can be shown arriving fortuitously at that moment - but there would be no assurance that doctors would keep quiet about the 70 murdered men and women whose corpses arrived last week alone at their hospitals in Baghdad. A victory drive through the city is impossible because Bush will be met by demonstrations rather than flowers.
So it looks like an arrival at Baghdad airport, a chat to aid officials, perhaps a brief helicopter flight to the headquarters of the American civilian administration in Saddam's old Palace of the Republic - here, he can be horrified at the corruption of a despot who could starve his people but build palaces for his own vanity - and, of course, an address to the Iraqi people on television.

Posted at 5:58 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

June 4, 2003

It's that time of the month. Or, rather, it WAS that time of the month about 3 days ago or so, but I never got around to changing out my blog crushes until today. Here's what I got:

Subversity - because he lets me blather on aim right before bedtime

Cauter from Artery - because he's just a darlin'. He truly truly is.

Victoria - because...I dunno why, specifically, but I really like her blog.

Jared - because she was nominated to be my crush by someone else, and I feel like a total dork because I had never blogrolled her before today, even though I love her site.

I still have a few people waiting in the wings to be crushed on, but they just don't pay enough attention to me for me to feel secure in crushing on them. Please feel free to e-mail me and let me know if you'd like to be next month's crush...and those current crushes who dare to e-mail me their postal address will receive a copy of the current crush mix.

mwah!

Posted at 12:43 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Audblogging...

June 4, 2003

These are really dumb, and I was actually relieved when they didn't appear on the blog. But Noah from Audblog was nice enough to call me and help me fix the problem with my account, without me even asking for help, so now I feel almost obligated to post them.

By the way, I have a crush on Noah now. He thought I was a man, and that made me laugh.

audblog audio post

There was actually another one, but I was so freaked out by the fact that I was fully getting into talking to my blog over the telephone that I hung up before I saved it.

I am, like, the biggest fucking nerd...ever.

UPDATE: I just listened to those posts, and...damn do I ever sound like a fucking dork on the phone. No wonder! No wonder I hate the telephone so much! baaaaaaargh!!!

Posted at 12:25 AM • Comments (7) • TrackBack

educational freedom

June 3, 2003

This case breaks my heart. It truly does.

Press Release For Immediate Release 25 February 2003
Contact: Cindy Wade
802-259-2394

Patricia and Ray O'Dell, citizens of Vermont and of Cherokee and Mohawk descent, are the parents of four children (ages 8-15) held in SRS (Social Rehabilitative Services) custody since September 13, 2002. The state took custody of these children charging 'educational neglect' because the O'Dells homeschool their children. SRS and the VT Department of Education cannot define 'educational neglect'. The state then placed the O'Dell children in the Bennington school district where the schools are on the state's failing list of schools. Patricia O'Dell was shackled and incarcerated for 7 days due to charges stemming from these allegations.

Since the O'Dell children were taken by SRS they have suffered abuse, neglect, sexual harassment and molestation at the hands of case workers, foster parents and individuals allowed to have unsupervised contact with the O'Dell children while they remain in state custody. Photos, tapes and letters document these abuses. The O'Dell children were separated and are being housed with four different foster homes. They have little contact with each other and are only allowed a 1-hour supervised visit with parents two days a week.

Individuals and agencies such as Governor James Douglas, Secretary of Human Services, Senator Patrick Leahy, Senator James Jeffords, Congressman Bernard Sanders, Senator Richard Sears, Senator Mark Shepard, Rutland SRS, FBI, Lt. Governor Brian Dubie, Senator John Crowley, Senator Hull Maynard and others have been contacted and urged to assist and protect these children but only a few have responded favorably although not enough to stop the abuse. The O'Dell parents have been told at nearly every encounter with these individuals and agencies that SRS is untouchable or that SRS is investigating itself.

The O'Dell children live in constant fear of reprisal from their custodians when they speak out against their abusers. Audio tapes and letters have been smuggled out of the foster homes by the children that reveal a constant barrage of abuses, including coercion, bribes and threats. The O'Dells want their children removed from their present foster homes and placed in safe homes in another county for the time being. They have no recourse but to take their plight to the public since even the Governor has no authority to intervene and protect their children or simply won't. The O'Dells' pleas have fallen on deaf ears at every level in the state government. The more the O'Dells complain to local, state and federal officials the more the abuse is heaped upon their innocent children.

A press conference was held at 11:00 a.m. at the state capitol on Thursday, February 20, 2003 by the O'Dells. Packets of written information were available to the media. Patricia O'Dell read the following statement to the press:

"We, Patricia and Ray O'Dell, as Vermont citizens, are respectfully requesting that Governor James Douglas use his authority and power to remove our four children, being held in SRS custody for the charge of 'educational neglect', from their present abusive Bennington County foster homes and to place them in safe foster homes in the Rutland County, where we are presently residing, until this matter can be resolved in the courts.

We have pleaded and begged for months to authorities, state and federal representatives, agency heads and to the media to protect our children from the abuse and neglect they have received while in SRS custody. We have documented these abuses and now wish to take our pleas to the public in order to protect our children and, to quite possibly, save their young lives."

Contact person is Cindy Wade, spokesperson for the O'Dells and Editor of 'The Curmudgeon: A Vermont Newsletter'.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have we totally abandoned the rights and responsibilities of parenthood to the state? This case is particularly disheartening when you consider the amount of abuse indigenous peoples have been subjected to at the hands of educational and religious institutions throughout history.

The following is a statement from Patricia O'Dell addressed to the Bennington Family Court:

Statement to the Bennington Family Court
and Presiding Judge

Thursday, February 13, 2003

I, Patricia L. O'Dell, wife of Raymond O'Dell and mother of Andrew Veach (age 15), Samantha Tompkins (age 14), Angela Cameron (age 11), and Elizabeth Veach (age 8), stand before you today accused of 'educational neglect' towards my four children. A charge of 'educational neglect' that neither the Social Rehabilitative Services nor the Department of Education can define or have yet to show me a copy of the written law.

As a citizen of the state of Vermont and as a United States citizen I am constitutionally guaranteed my right to speak freely and confront my accusers and thus I shall before this court passes a moral judgment on me.

First of all, I wish to bring to your attention the many false accusations, half-truths and innuendoes that have brought forth this terrible injustice to me and my family.

Based on a false report dated September 12, 2002 by Colleen Cummings, a so-called SRS Investigator, we are presented as neglectful, irresponsible, despicable parents and outlaws. Right away Cummings declares that I was residing with my family at the Ladd Brook Motor Inn in Pownal, Vermont. Since when is it against the law to rent a motel room while visiting my ill mother in her hometown of Bennington, Vermont?

In her report Cummings declares that 'SRS has a long history of involvement with Patricia and her children.' This is true. When I was fifteen years of age I became pregnant. I remember SRS sticking their nose into my business by trying to bribe me by taking me to places like McDonalds and trying to convince me to murder my unborn child by having an abortion. I do not murder my unborn children. I love each and every one of my children and I make sacrifices to raise them.

Cummings then goes on to talk about SRS investigating me and my family during 2002 including my supposed 'lack of shelter.' My children and I have not lacked shelter since our home in West Haven, Vermont, burned to the ground a few days after Christmas in the year 2000. We no longer have a physical home but we have never lacked shelter. We chose to live in motels, shelters, with friends and relatives or have camped out during the warmer weather.

After our house fire we sold that property in the summer of 2001 through a real estate agent named Denise Byers. Ms. Byers works for Coldwell Bankers located at 182 Woodstock Avenue in Rutland, Vermont. We then purchased outright a new one acre lot in South Newfane, Vermont. We also purchased outright a used mobile home to place onto our property. The new lot had a dilapidated mobile home and a wooden structure that needed removal before we could place the new mobile home onto the property. The new property had been left empty for several years and had been vandalized. We were falsely accused by local police of creating this environment.

During warmer weather we camped on our own property while we worked to remove these structures. When colder weather arrived we moved into a shelter in North Bennington but continued to make daily visits to our property to care for our animals and work on the lot. Since when is it against the law to work toward rebuilding our home and lives?

To further their harassment Newfane town officials and police removed our animals from our property and accused us of abandoning and neglecting them. We demanded they return them to us but they did not listen to our requests. They insisted we sign the animals over to them but we refused since we were not guilty of any charges. We were never charged, fined or penalized but the town never returned our animals either. We suspect since the town is a ski town the officials were not happy to see us move into their territory.

Cummings claims I have 'a history of immediately relocating when SRS or the school system becomes involved.' She states this as though it were fact, not an assumption. How does Cummings know what my reasons are for relocating from time to time? I have never discussed my reasons with Cummings for relocating. I seldom discuss my reasons with anyone except my family. We move when it suits our needs.

Cummings states 'Patricia continually refused to allow her children to be enrolled in school.' If Cummings is referring to public school where my children are entitled to a Free And Public Education (FAPE) she is correct. This is for several reasons. It is clearly documented that three of my children were being denied a proper education in the public schools and they were in imminent danger while they attended these schools.

Beginning in 1998 I withdrew my three oldest children from public school and enrolled them in the Vermont Department of Education's Home Study program. I continued to enroll my children in the state's Home Study program in 1999, in 2000 and in 2001. I gradually weaned my children from the special education program as well since I am entitled to do under federal law.

This, however, did not please the local school officials because my enrollment in a home study program depleted their school budget of the funds that would have followed my children into their school. They complained but knew they were powerless to do anything about it since I was well within my legal and constitutional rights.

When our home burned down the local school principal decided to pursue us claiming that since we no longer had a home we couldn't possibly be homeschoolers.

In the summer of 2001 we continued to be hounded by school officials. That summer the state required me to assess all four of my children and pay for that assessment out-of-pocket. The state is required to pay for such an assessment but refused to do so. The state also required me to provide them with information and documentation of proof that went far beyond the requirements and scope of the law. I eventually agreed to their mandates and signed an agreement under duress.

When August came I once again enrolled my children in the state's home study program. According to regulations the state must call a hearing within 45 days of receiving my enrollment. A hearing was called for November 20, 2001, more than two months after my enrollment.

On November 20, 2001 I attended a bogus Home Study Hearing conducted by members of the Vermont Department of Education where I was duly harassed, intimidated and made fun of by members of the opposition. Several members informed me that my homeschooling standards were 'too high' for my children. I turned over documentation to these people showing them my required minimum course of study which went way beyond the requirements and a parental report showing how my children have made academic progress since leaving the public school system.

On November 28, 2001 I presented Bruce Bjornlund, the DOE Hearing Officer, with a 15 page Final Brief disclosing how the public schools failed to follow the laws and failed to provide my children with an adequate education.

On December 1, 2001 I received through an advocate a copy of the Hearing Officer's undated and unsigned wordy report and findings from DOE lawyer Barbara Crippen that said I 'failed to meet the requirements of 16 V.S.A. Sections 166b (a) (3-4), (d) and (i) and is unable to provide the children with a minimum course of study, her home study enrollments for Andrew Veach, Samantha Tompkins, Angela Cameron and Elizabeth Veach are disallowed for this year and for the following school year. Pursuant to 16 V.S.A. Section 166b (h) this order shall take effect immediately and a copy of this order shall be forwarded to the superintendent of Mrs. O'Dell's school district of residence.'

On or around December 5, 2001 I then received through an advocate yet another copy of the Hearing Officer's report and findings that was signed and dated this time. That report was less wordy but was still word-for-word verbatim in most places and it came to the same conclusion. I and several others are under the impression the report and findings were those of DOE lawyer Barbara Crippen and not those of the so-called fair and impartial Hearing Officer. We highly suspect the Hearing Officer simply signed his name to Crippen's report after condensing the original wording of that report. This report and this procedure is highly suspect in my mind and in the mind's of those who attended this hearing on my behalf.

I continued to homeschool my children inspite of the DOE's bogus and suspect report and findings. It is my understanding that I am well within my constitutional rights to homeschool my children since the U.S. Supreme Court made several ruling in the 1920's upholding a parent's right to see to the upbringing and education of their children. Those rulings include such cases as Pierce v. Society of Sisters where the court says 'The fundamental theory of liberty upon which all governments in this Union repose excludes any general power of the state to standardize its children by forcing them to accept instruction from public school teachers only. The child is not the mere creature of the state, those who nurture him and direct his destiny have the right, coupled with the high duty, to recognize and prepare him for additional obligations.'

The U.S. Supreme Court also upholds my right to homeschool with their decisions in the Meyer v. Nebraska and the Farrington v. Tokushige cases. The U.S. Supreme Court upheld my right to give my children a Christian education in the 1970's with their ruling in the Yoder v. Wisconsin case.

Cummings' allegation that I am 'legally required to enroll' my children in school is a bold face lie. According to Vermont Statutes and the compulsory attendance law: Title 16: Chapter 25: Attendance And Discipline 16 V.S.A. / 1121: Attendance by children of school age required:

A person having the control of a child between the ages of six and 16 years shall cause the child to attend a public school, an approved or recognized independent school or A home study program for the full number of days for which that school is held, unless the child: etc., etc..

Where the compulsory attendance law reads: 'A home study program' I understand that to mean A home study program, not the state's home study program, not an approved home study program, not Oak Meadow's home study program, not a correspondence home study program or any other specific home study program. A home study program can and does include MY home study program with my own chosen Bible-based curriculum and Christian materials. Until this law actually requires me through specific wording and instruction to enroll my children in the Department of Education's home study program I will continue to pursue the homeschooling of my children through a program designed by me and executed by me. A program steeped in religious teachings and concepts relative to our Christian and Native American background and understanding.

Cummings states that on January 9, 2002 I sent a letter to the North Bennington Graded School advising that I would not be enrolling my children in that school and that I would be looking into Christian schools and moving to the Brattleboro area. We had planned to complete the installment of our home on the South Newfane property but were delayed due to weather and financing as well as the continued harassment and persecution by school and SRS officials. No matter what I did it didn't seem to please Cummings and others who were making it 'their' business to intervene in my life. I saw no reason for this intervention other than to make my life as miserable as possible and to assure that I failed in trying to provide for my family. SRS seemed determined to prevent us from homeschooling and from establishing our home.

In January of 2002 while we were housed at the North Bennington homeless shelter I continued to homeschool my children. We made use of the small library in the home from time to time. We continued to do 'hands-on' lessons for the children whenever we shopped at stores, ate in restaurants or traveled with the children. At no time did our homeschooling ever cease and at no time did I ever discontinue to homeschool my children.

We continued to use the educational materials that were provided to us through the efforts of several other supporters including state representative Neil Randall and others in a support group. Sometime in the summer and fall of 2001 we acquired book bags filled with homeschooling materials and supplies from the state representative previously mentioned. Others in our support group provided us with books, paper, writing materials, drawing materials, workbooks and encouragement. At no time did we discontinue to homeschool even while traveling from place to place.

To this day we have an account at A Teacher's Closet in Rutland, Vermont where we can purchase educational materials and supplies. This account was established for us by a support group that includes state senator Hull Maynard on the Senate Education Committee, state representative Carl Haas and several others. We purchased over $180 worth of supplies for our 2002 school year there so far. The owner of this store is Patty Ryan who can verify this and can be reached at 802-773-1377.

When my four children were given their homeschooling materials after being taken into SRS custody on September 13, 2002 they were discouraged and prevented from using them. SRS has effectively stopped the on-going education of my children.

Cummings complains that I 'did not follow through on recommendations' from members of the local school and shelter staff. I found their recommendations unreasonable, invasive and down right prejudice of our choice to homeschool. They obviously had no understanding of what homeschooling is and how it is accomplished. The environment in the shelter eventually became a hostile one towards my family and our choices.

Once again SRS was contacted in order to get us to conform to the schools' wishes and unreasonable demands. This became a huge distraction for our homeschooling efforts and placed the children in imminent danger of being forced into the hostile environment that public schools provide. This was something we had walked away from back in 1998 when I withdrew my children from public schooling in the first place.

At this time I decided my family might be safer at another location and with the liberty to travel freely we decided to move 'down south' as Cummings states. I saw no need to give her or anyone a forwarding address nor am I required by law to do so. Cummings also states that 'SRS substantiated Educational Neglect' of my four children by me. Just how did she manage to do this? Is she so familiar with homeschooling she can make that judgment? Is she such an educational expert that she can determine such a thing?

Cummings declares that on April 2, 2002 the Brattleboro SRS accepted an investigation on us since we had returned from down south to continue work on our property, land that we own outright and pay taxes on.

Cummings then goes on to say that on June 27, 2002 the Bennington Police advised them we were 'camping on the backside of Lake Paran in Shaftsbury, Vermont and harassing others at the lake.' What Cummings describes as 'harassing' was my husband's attempt to warn a certain individual to stay away from me and our 13 year old daughter. His warning to this individual was a result of the man's sexual advances and his other sexually motivated actions towards the women in our family. Just how thoroughly did Cummings investigate this accusation from the Bennington Police who have a habit of harassing me and my family members for no apparent reason.

Cummings claims our so-called 'campsite' at Paran Lake was 'littered with garbage, children's clothing' and among other things too vulgar to go into detail about. We were not actually camping there. We were swimming and bullheading (fishing). Since when is it against the law for children to be messy and unkempt while fishing in the summer time? Since when is it against the law for children to hang or scatter their wet clothing to dry in the sun? All children are exposed to 'unsanitary conditions' when they go fishing in the outdoors. Are both the state and SRS now in the business of controlling the bowel movements of children? If this is a crime then no one should be allowed to go fishing with children.

Cummings then claims that on June 28, 2002 SRS visited the so-called 'campsite' where we had been and found us gone. Of course we left the sight. We were there to swim and fish. The Bennington Police once again insisted on needlessly harassing us and preventing us from enjoying our freedoms and liberties. Cummings also points out that we 'could not be located.' What was her point in reporting this? Was this to show that once again we 'relocated' as we are free to do? Since when is it against the law to move freely from place to place in this country? Did she honestly expect us to leave her a forwarding address?

Cummings reports that on September 10, 2002 the Bennington SRS received a so-called report from Carroll Shores, my son's biological father who lives in Tennessee. It was Tennessee where we had eventually relocated to after leaving Vermont in January. Being a warmer climate we considered making Tennessee a more permanent move. Unfortunately it was not to be. Andrew did however spend some time living with his father and stepmother in Tennessee.

After some time Andrew was removed from Shores' home due to the abuse he received at the hands of his stepmother. Andrew also overheard conversations between his father and step-mother scheming to take custody of Andrew in order to gain yet another source of income to the already SSI income they were receiving from the state of Vermont. Andrew's stepmother plotted to keep Andrew there, force him into public schooling and keep the income for herself and her husband in order to make purchases of material goods such as a new car. Andrew was not happy in his father's home and had realized his father had no emotional attachment to him. It was obvious to Andrew that his stepmother had no warm feelings for him either since she physically abused him. Yes, I removed Andrew from his father's home but not for the reasons Cummings insinuates.

Cummings states that I was repeatedly informed of the need to enroll my children in an appropriate school program. My children were enrolled in an appropriate education program--they continued to homeschool, even throughout the summer months while we traveled or camped out. I continued to create a course of study for my children to follow and strive for. Students in the public schools are not required to attend programs in the summer so why does Cummings feel my children should be the exception and be forced to do so? Are we as homeschoolers being held to a higher standard than those in public schools?

Cummings tells a lie when she states I continued 'to fail to enroll the children in school or to provide education to the children.' I resent her accusations since she has not been at my side for the past four years to witness our homeschooling. Cummings states that my children 'have been reported to be significantly delayed both educationally and socially and are in need of specialized educational programs.' This is bogus. My children were academically behind due to their public school experiences. It was I who have had to remediate them in areas of reading and math. The public school failed to teach my son Andrew to read. They didn't teach him phonics and he actually went backwards in his learning at the hands of so-called public school experts. The public school assumed Andrew was retarded, which he is not, and never gave him the examination to determine this but they labeled him anyway. The public school prevented my daughter Angela from learning and excelling also. This is all documented and can be proven.

What is Cummings' idea of social skills? Is it against the law to have questionable table manners? Is it against the law to leave our clothing strewn about when we are outdoors? My children may not have the opportunity to attend formal school dances, dine out in fine restaurants, or attend other elegant functions but this is simply not a priority for us. As Christians we live a humble existence and as Native Americans we live close to the land our fathers left us.

Quite frankly, it is none of Cummings' business or other's what we teach to our children. Once again Cummings complains that 'When Mrs. O'Dell is approached regarding the education of her children, she moves the children from the area.' Of course I'm going to move my children. I have a right to protect my children from those who would seek to harm them and that includes people like Cummings, school officials and police officers. My children do not belong to the state of Vermont. If I see my children are in imminent danger from the likes of Cummings or others I will continue to move them.

Cummings states that on September 11, 2002 SRS telephoned the Ladd Brook Motel to confirm that me and my family were indeed staying there. Is it against the law to stay at a motel with my family? When does staying in a motel to visit relatives establish residency? Cummings overstepped her boundaries and jurisdiction here.

Cummings states that on September 12, 2002 SRS telephoned several public and private schools in the Bennington area to see if I had enrolled my children. Why would I enroll my children in the Bennington schools when we were only visiting the area to see my ill mother? Cummings also states that my husband, Raymond O'Dell, 'has taken no initiative in ensuring that his child receives an education.' This is also a lie. Ray is very attentive to our daughter Elizabeth's education. He is a loving father to all the children even though he is not the biological father of my three oldest children. Cummings would suggest that Ray has no feelings and no sense when it comes to the raising of his child. Cummings insinuates that Ray would intentionally cause his child harm in anyway, including her education. Where is Cummings proof that Ray has taken no initiative to help his child?

Cummings states that 'SRS believes' we are unable to provide for the care and education of our children. A 'belief' is far different from a 'fact'. Cummings and SRS have NOT established any facts that prove my children were NOT being homeschooled or receiving an education.

We have always provided for the care and education of our children. We continued to provide shelter in some form or another during the changing seasons and we continued to homeschool right up to and even after SRS kidnapped our four children. Cummings' repeated 'SRS interventions' were unsuccessful because we were determined to prevent our children from falling into their hands where we knew they would be in imminent danger and now our worst fears have been proven. To this day our four children are being abused and mistreated at the hands of SRS and foster parents. We have documentation to prove this.

Cummings stresses in her bogus report that my children Andrew, Samantha and Angela have different fathers as though this were a crime. She emphasizes the fact that some of these fathers either cannot be found or are incarcerated as though this were my fault and a direct result of my parenting. I cannot account for the behavior of these men. I only know I have tried very hard to put some distance between them and my children in order to protect my children from their past abuses toward both my children and me. Ray has been step-father to my three oldest children for nearly ten years now. For Andrew, Samantha and Angela my husband Ray is the only real and stable father they have known. They have a loving relationship with him and call him 'Dad'.

Cummings states in her report that 'BASED ON THE ABOVE INFORMATION, SRS BELIEVES THAT' my children 'ARE CHILDREN IN NEED OF CARE AND SUPERVISION.' Is the 'care' and 'supervision' she is referring to the same
'care' and 'supervision' the four separate foster homes are now providing for my children? The same foster homes where our children are being abused to the point of rape? The same foster homes where our daughter Elizabeth is receiving bruises and beatings from? The same foster homes who have allowed my 14 year old daughter to be raped? The same foster homes that refuse to take my son who has been coughing up blood to a doctor for medical care? The same foster homes that won't provide my son with blankets when the temperature outside is below freezing? My list of these documented abuses in these homes goes on and on.

SRS took my children from their homeschooling and placed them into failing public schools that are on a list with other failing schools. Do you call this education? Do you call this 'the best interest of the children?'

SRS took my children from me and placed them with strangers who harm them, neglect them and destroy their dignity. Do you call this care and supervision? Do you call this 'the best interest of the children?'

If I have truly neglected the education of my children then why was my 14 year old daughter placed at grade level when she was forced to re-enter public school? She left public school in the 5th grade. She was placed in the 9th grade upon re-entry. That means she skipped four grades. She has even excelled in math. If I did not homeschool her these past four years then how do you explain this?

Now my daughter Samantha lingers in a hostile environment where she continues to be sexually harassed by several boys on a daily basis. I have her letters expressing her fears and I have the letters from the boys who are making sexual advances on my 14 year old Christian homeschooled daughter. SRS has placed her in imminent danger and as a result she has been sexually harassed and raped.

If my 8 year old daughter was not receiving an education at home then how do you explain her entry into public schooling at grade level? Elizabeth gets 100's on spelling tests. She excels at swimming and skiing. How is this possible if we have not taught her at home all these years?

Now SRS has placed Elizabeth in a hostile environment where she is dragged around by teenage boys and she has bruises left on her. She is in a foster home with four teenage boys, a single mother who works full-time and has a boyfriend who is allowed to be near my little girl. Do you call this care and supervision? Do you call this the best interest of a child? Before all this Elizabeth had never been separated from me and Ray.

SRS and state police chased Elizabeth through the woods on September 13, 2002 and hunted her down like an animal. They took her before they acquired a search warrant to come on to my mother's property. If the state police have complained for years they lack funding, personnel and resources then why do they have time and enough people to chase down very young homeschooling children?

Or country is at war with another country and with terrorists yet SRS, state police and public school officials have time and money to chase homeschooling children. I think they can find better things to do such as chase criminals and terrorists, not poor people who homeschool their children. To me and my family SRS is a bigger threat to our safety and well-being than any terrorists.

Unfortunately, the public school has reinstituted the gradual undoing of the homeschooling of my son and my 11 year old daughter. The public schools are famous for this. They will classify a child as learning disabled and then proceed to do everything in their power to prevent that child from learning in order to maintain their jobs as special educators. My son Andrew and daughter Angela struggle in this environment at the same time they live in fear and torment in the foster homes that have them. Life, liberty and pursuit of happiness have no meaning to me, my husband, and my children as long as SRS holds us all captive.

We have been denied our liberties and due process at every turn. We have been coerced, threatened and manipulated by members of SRS, the Department of Education, by members of the police force and by public school officials. Our constitutional rights under the 1st, 4th, 5th, 9th and 14th amendments have been violated, undermined or terminated by over zealous do-gooders or by those intent on harming us.

If we committed a crime then charge us. Give us our due process and let us proceed in an open court of law to establish our guilt since we are innocent until proven guilty. Stop playing these games with our lives and stop tormenting us. We, as Vermont and United States citizens are entitled to that much.

I humbly ask the court here today to return my children to me and to make SRS cease their selective persecution of me and my family. They have discriminated against me long enough and this must stop here and now. I am at the mercy of this court to bring to an end the torture of my children and the denial of my constitutional and God-given right to raise my children. I beg the court to let us all go from this bondage so that we may continue to educate our children and to heal our family from the pain and suffering we have received at the hands of SRS, the Bennington Police and the public schools.

SRS has only worked to harm me and my family and to make fun of us. Instead of helping us as others do SRS enjoys hurting us. SRS works to keep us from establishing our home. Others, more generous and less judgmental, work to help us with our property and problems. SRS works to prevent my children from getting a better education than what public schools provide. Others, more understanding and supportive work to help us achieve our homeschooling goals by providing assistance and materials. SRS works to undermine our efforts to support ourselves. Others work hard to connect us to programs and agencies that help us to be get back on our feet.

Our case-worker Athena Boulger has made it very clear she has no intentions of helping me and my family. She has expressed to me that her only reason for existence is to prevent us from reuniting and to make our lives as miserable as she can unless I give into her coercion, unreasonable demands and her whims. She has deliberately withheld pertinent information in my case that could help me and has established rules that are down-right dangerous to the health and well-being of my children.

I humbly ask this court to NOT pass moral judgment on me and my family and to please let us go in peace.

Respectfully,

Patricia L. O'Dell 2/13/03

Posted at 11:55 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

By any other name...

June 3, 2003

m has decided that he needs "a more sensible name" - so, he has renamed himself, simply, Jim. Not James or Jimmy (although he has determined that it would be OK if I want to call him "Jimmypoo.") c's new name is the "much more sensible" "Tom", and mama is now "jenny." We've decided to change papa's name to a less sinsible name, as he's been stuck with the uber-sensible "L" monicker his whole life. I thought it would be a good idea to call papa "shmeckenheimer" - which is the name that m made up earlier in the day. m wants to call him diaperworld.

I'm growing a bit dizzy with all the name changing around here. This is actually the 3rd time m has decided to change his name. When he was about 2 years old, he decided that his name was buddy (probably because that's what we called him much of the time) and then at around the age of 3 or 4, he insisted that his name was Jet, and would introduce himself as such to anyone he chanced to meet on the playground. This is the first time, however, that he's been concerned with the "sensibleness" of his name, and, paired with his nascent interest in patriotism and war, I worry that he's morphing into someone who might rue the fact that his parents named him m.

Of course, I did remind him that he is named after a famous jazz musician and offered that he keep the name m as a middle name - Jim m D*** L*****. He disagreed with this offer, choosing instead to change his middle name to "jazz musician" - and it's been decided that L***** is far more sensible as a last name than D***.

So, there you have it. What I thought was a perfectly appropriate name for the product of a union between a radical hippy punk rock chick and a mad genius musician has been shunned. Down with m Andrew D*** L*****! Long live Jim Jazz Musician L*****!

Posted at 9:12 AM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

Somebody watching from Mars would have collapsed in laughter

June 3, 2003

Does anyone else think Noam Chomsky is not only right on the money about foreign policy, but also divinely funny? I'm so glad Znet printed this interview with him. I love that man.

ANDY CLARK Where is the political opposition in the US then - the Democrats? Why don't they seek to make inroads into the Republican camp? Obviously, there is a substantial peace movement - we saw hundreds of thousands of people on the streets in the US who were opposed to the military action. Where is the political opposition in the US now?
NOAM CHOMSKY
The Democratic political opposition is very tepid. There has been very little debate, traditionally, over foreign policy issues. That's recognised right in the mainstream. Political figures are reluctant to put themselves in a position where they can be condemned as calling for the destruction of the United States and supporting its enemies and presenting fantasies, and be subjected to fantasies of the kind that in fact were included in that email. Politicians are unwilling to subject themselves to that, and the result is that the voice of a large portion of the population simply is barely represented, and the Republicans recognise it. Karl Rove, the Republican campaign manager, made it clear before the last election in 2002 that the Republicans would have to try to run the election on a security issue, because if they faced it on issues of domestic policy they would lose. So they frightened the population into obedience, and he has already announced that they are going to have to do the same thing next time in the 2004 election. They are going to have to present it as voting for a war president who will defend you from destruction. Incidentally, they are simply rehearsing a script that runs right through the 1980s, the first time they were in office - the same people, approximately. If you look, the policies they implemented were unpopular. The population was opposed, but they kept pressing the panic button, and it worked. In 1981 Libya was going to attack us. In 1983 Grenada was going to set up an airbase from which the Russians would bomb us. In 1985 Reagan declared a national emergency because the security of the United States was threatened by the government of Nicaragua. Somebody watching from Mars would have collapsed in laughter. And so it went on through the 1980s. They managed to keep the population intimidated and frightened enough so that they could maintain a thin grasp on political power, and that's the effort since. They didn't invent that tactic, incidentally, but it unfortunately has its effects, and political figures and others are reluctant to stand up and face the torrent of abuse and hysteria that will immediately come from trying to bring matters back to the level of fact.

Posted at 12:34 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

What the Hell have I been up to?

June 2, 2003

It's been a pretty busy few days here. On Sunday, I spent much of the day hanging out at my un-air-conditioned workplace chatting with Layne and farting around with the computer. Avoiding the housework that so desperately needs to get done, and enjoying myself in doing so.

I went home from there and grabbed m and took him to Central Market to see my friend Jason's band play. I guess it's kind of a salsa, background-musicy sort of band. The kind of band that plays at outdoor cafes connected to hoity toity grocery stores. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I enjoyed the music, and m enjoyed the playground. He even made a new friend.

We didn't get home until 9 or so. L had graciously offered to watch c during the time m and I were gone, so when we got home, we all played for awhile and then the kids played while I laid out my various cockroach death devices.

Can I take a moment here to say that I have not seen a single cockroach in the bedroom since I laid down the boric acid? Not a single cockroach. Now, I realize that the poison isn't killing them this quickly, and they have probably relocated to a different room (most likely my messy office) but I am so very glad that have emigrated from the bedroom that I really don't give a fuck where they are congregating at this point. If I never have to lay down in my bed and worry about whether a creepy creature is going to crawl on my leg...it will be too soon.

Anyway, I got the cockroach death traps layed out, and then i made the bed up all nice and of course m wanted to sleep with us. I let him, because...well...just because it's sweet that he likes it when I make the bed up. And then I lay down with them to coax c into sleep, and proceeded to fall asleep myself.

Today we woke up and had a quick breakfast and then headed out to City Park to hang out by the lake with some other homeschoolers. The kids played in the disgusting water (I have this thing against lake water after having lived near Lake Michigan (and the thought that I fucking SWAM in that disgusting filth makes me shudder) while we observed and played and talked and hung out. There's a new mom in town from Dallas and she seems really cool. And I got to talk politics with Marge, so that was fun. m pulled up various trash from the sludge at the bottom of the lake, and played and splashed with the other kids. cy tested my nerves and patience by climbing up on the dock and pretending that he was going to run away from me. And then he mooched food off of everyone, even though we had food of our own with us.

We saw 2 deer on our way into the park, and 3 deer on our way out. It was nice. I know deer are like rodents to the people who live around that way, but I still think they are beautiful, and I totally invite any displaced deer who might wander into my neighborhood by mistake to dine on my grass and my garden. I'm cool with that.

There wasn't much time between getting home from the lake and going to work and I filled that time with some surfing, some napping, and some cooking of lunch.

At work, I had a curriculum development meeting with a really nice guy who designed curriculum for our network and hardware classes. He did an excellent job, and we had a great conversation about all sorts of things. It's always nice to have interesting conversations at work.

Now I'm home and I'm thinking about cleaning up the living room. L cleaned it while I was at work, but there's more tidying that could be done. What I'd really like to do is write something inspiring for artery, but I'm feeling kind of tired and not very inspired. It's been a rough week for me emotionally and, although I don't feel depressed...I do feel somewhat more numb than I like to feel. And I actually feel kind of tired from having been in the sun for much of the day, so I might just traipse off to bed before too long.

Hope yr day went well. Sweet dreams...

Posted at 11:54 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

And, while we're on the subject of hypocrisy...

June 2, 2003

Our government really does not give a fuck about the inherent danger of weapons of mass destruction, either...

Posted at 9:27 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Oh, and the U.S. government's not really interested in democracy, or human rights either

June 2, 2003

Joan d'Arc posted this about recent developments in Burma.

There have been some scary developments in Burma. I mentioned yesterday that Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, the 1991 Nobel Peace Prize winner and the country's leading pro-democracy advocate, was arrested, along with at least 17 supporters. Since then, the Burmese government has shut down the offices of Suu Kyi's National League for Democracy party, cut their telephone lines (making it impossible for the press to reach them and find out what is happening) and closed the universities. American and European diplomats are being prevented from talking to NLD party officials.

Bush says one thing:

"There are moments in history when great people emerge to shine a bright light on a dark path. Aung San Suu Kyi is such a person," President Bush said last month.

And John Ashcroft advocates something else:

In a brief recently filed in the Unocal case, the administration - in the person of Attorney General John Ashcroft - sets out to defend an oil company, reaffirm the president's untrammeled power over foreign policy, and eviscerate a law that has provided a modicum of justice to victims of rights abuses from around the world.
[...]The plaintiffs in the Unocal case are Burmese villagers who claim that they were subjected to forced labor, murder, rape, and torture during the construction of a gas pipeline through their country. Soldiers allegedly committed these abuses while providing security and other services for the pipeline project.

Jane Doe I, one of the plaintiffs in the case, testified that when her husband tried to escape the forced labor program, he was shot at by soldiers, and that, in retaliation for his attempted escape, she and her baby were thrown into a fire. Her child died and she was badly injured.

Other villagers described the summary execution of people who refused to work, or who became too weak to work effectively.

There is little doubt that such crimes occurred. They have been exhaustively documented by Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International, and a host of other groups. In 1995, when pipeline construction was beginning, the U.N. General Assembly passed a resolution urging Burma (also known as Myanmar) to put a stop to its practices of torture, forced labor and summary executions. Even the Justice Department, whose "friend of the court" brief was filed this past May 8, was willing to acknowledge the "blatant human rights abuses" committed by Burma's military government.

The only serious factual issue in the case is the extent of Unocal's responsibility for the crimes. The plaintiffs claim that Unocal aided and abetted the Burmese military in its campaign of abuse, an assertion that Unocal vigorously denies.

Does no one in this country understand that our government will do whatever it can to preserve corporate interests? In fact, capitalism can't even fucking exist in a world where all people are equally represented.

Greedy fuckers.

Posted at 9:23 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Further proof that our own government does not support the troops

June 2, 2003

Two articles from Veterans For Common Sense talk about the fact that our government (intentionally?) minimized the effects of nerve gas on the veterans of Gulf War I.

... Summary: From 1991 to 1995, the US Department of Defense denied any US soldiers were exposed to sarin chemical warfare agents. As a result, government medical research was directed toward "stress." In 1997, DoD confirmed 99,000 US troops were exposed to gas in Iraq during 1991. In 2002, DoD confirmed 145,000 gas exposures. Only now is scientific research catching up with and analyzing DoD's earlier lies about widespread gas exposure in 1991 ...

So, basically, we incurred more damage in destroying weapons of mass destruction than we did in the battle itself.

Kind of makes you want to pat our nation's leaders on the back and give them a hearty thank you.

Fuckers.

Posted at 8:20 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

God Did It

June 2, 2003

It's true, the anthrax killer has not been caught. Osama bin Laden has not been caught (in fact, he's busier than ever). Mullah Omar has not been caught. Saddam Hussein has not been caught. It's true, Afghanistan has collapsed again into anarchy, rampant warlordism, fierce Islamic extremism, hopelessness, violence, despair. It's true, Iraq is collapsing into anarchy, incipient warlordism, fierce Islamic extremism, hopelessness, violence, despair. But none of this has anything to do with the staggering, criminal incompetence of the Bush Regime in gutting legitimate domestic security measures at home - both before and after September 11 - and launching mindless foreign adventures aimed largely at thrusting American military power into the world's oil regions, regardless of the consequences. No; it is without doubt the will of the loving God behind all of life and all of history.
When - and if - He wants these miscreants to be caught, they will be caught. For now, He is quite content to let them roam the earth and murder more innocent people. When - and if - He wants to relieve the suffering of the Afghan and Iraqi peoples, He will do it. For now, He is happy to watch children blow themselves to pieces with brightly-colored cluster bombs. There's nothing that His faithful servant, George W. Bush, can do about any of this. He is not to blame; God did it. We are all merely automatons, pushed hither and yon by the all-encompassing wisdom of His totalitarian order.

Um, not much I can add to this editorial I found at CounterPunch.

Posted at 2:13 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

a Challenge

June 2, 2003

Can anyone explain, in 30 words or less, why "Americans can afford to be more flippant" about the non-existence of WMD in Iraq? I'm guessing the Americans this quote refers to are actually government officials.

It is a suspicion that has grown daily while the Prime Minister has been away, fed both by stories in the British media and by a series of statements by senior US officials that have cut the rug from under the British case for invasion.
First, the hawkish US Secretary for Defence, Donald Rumsfeld, said last week that he believed weapons would 'never be found'. This directly contradicting Blair's position - a stance he was forced to reverse by the week's end.

Then Rumsfeld's deputy, Paul Wolfowitz, was quoted in an interview in Vanity Fair as saying that the whole issue of pushing the argument over WMD was simply a 'bureaucratic' device that would allow an invasion of Iraq and the removal of US troops from Saudi Arabia.

As if to pour petrol on the fire, Under-Secretary of State John Bolton has also been quoted as saying that the war was not about real weapons of mass destruction, but breaking up the 'intellectual property' - the scientists with the knowledge to produce them.

'The Americans can afford to be much more flippant,' said one British intelligence source last week. 'But Iraq's retention of weapons of mass destruction is why we went to war.'

(I thought it's why WE went to war, too. But maybe I just wasn't paying close enough attention to my ~~propaganda machine~~ television)

Oh, and you can't use the words "ignorant" "apathetic"` "spoon-fed" "television-addicted" "citizenry" anywhere in your answer.

Bet you can't do it.

Posted at 1:48 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Mama Saiz NO WAR!

June 1, 2003

mAmA saiz NO WAR! Zine Issue #1 is now available in a text-only version online. [link courtesy of yomama!]

Posted at 12:05 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Free movies under the moon

June 1, 2003

I love stuff like this, and I'm going to definitely be leaving work early on these nights to take the kids to these movies, even though most of them aren't necessarily geared towards their age group. At least none of them are rated R or anything.

Pioneer Farms is teaming up with the Alamo Drafthouse, the Austin Parks Foundation and the Texas Writer's League to present movies at Pioneer Farms free to the public.
Bring your blanket and spend a cool summer evening amid history. There will be food, music, literature, and children's activities all before the featured movies.

Although...I'm really not getting the association between movies and Pioneer Farm. Oh, well!

Posted at 10:05 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Today.

June 1, 2003

Today I am declaring war on the fucking cockroaches in my bedroom. I've been trying to keep my room clean in hopes that they would just pack up and leave. Last night, I was feeling all smug that I hadn't heard them rustling about on the now empty bookshelf, and I thought I had rid myself of them. Then I picked up a sheet that was laying on the ground and was treated to a little family of the fuckers who had been huddling down there for cover. What the fuck! I'm convinced it's because there's that huge oak tree in the backyard, but I have no idea why they like my bedroom so damn much. They don't seem to be in m's room, which is adjacent to mine and I really don't see them in the kitchen nearly as much as in my room.

So, fuck them. And apologies to whatever sense of the sanctity of all life that I carry around with me like a fucking lead weight. Those suckers are going. Today I'm going to the hardware store, and I'm going to arm myself with a few pounds of boric acid, which I will distribute liberally along the wall beside my bed, in the closets, and in the bathroom.

I'm also going to clean out that little cupboard in the bathroom that used to house the kitty litter. I think it gets damp back there when the kids splash water out of the tub, and it becomes a little haven for roaches. I'm going to find a way to fix that problem.

I definitely also need to clean out my office, as I'm sure there are tons of little hiding places in there. For the most part, everything is boxed up in there, but it still needs to be rearranged so the boxes are neatly stacked...and I'm certain there's stuff that can be thrown away. The added benefit to this will be that I will actually be able to, like, USE my office...as an office!

So, that's my project for the month of June. Starting today. Those little fuckers must die.

In other news...I was totally psyched to discover that the CD/MP3 player I bought used (for 20 bux!) also plays .WMA files...and I'm busily copying all of my CDs for my road trip. What a joy!

Posted at 9:21 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack