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at the request of ms. blood

June 29, 2003

first, next year you must stop off here in eugene on the way to seattle and let me feed you and mojito you and let the kids run with leroy and hang out wiht me and laugh your ass off. i do live in a two bedroom apartment but leroy will have bunkbeds in his room by then and we'll work it out if you can spend the night.

today was nice. this whole weekend was good in bigfatmama land. yesterday was too damn hot and leroy has learned to say mama i am bored. i laughed the first time i heard it. he has repeated it many times since then. he wants kid company. i took him to the rugrats movie. the best part was when i fell asleep. then we came home and took a great long nap. my back is feeling much better.

while dru was gone, i call you that! do you use your real name online? some of us do and some of us really do not and you have been dru blood for so long! anyway i was going to dig deep and write some stuff i have been thinking about but no, i've been in the shallow end of the pool, just seeing how each day feels and dealing with anxiety about my back and starting summer school.

today like yesterday we went to the park, leroy took a bunch of pictures which as a doting mother i posted at my lj, it's a slide! a swing! livejournal is perfect for those willing to be as self-indulgent as you want to be. that works well for me. i'm the one who will sit and look at your baby book. i want to see you naked and smiling and ordinary. i'd like to see a picture of you yelling or making dinner. i like all of it. all that stuff that gets filed under boring. i don't think so.

leroy is visiting with his dad again in two weeks. last time we had the power struggle over leroy's binkie. gary decided that when leroy is with him, he will not have a binkie. it's his rule. so my baby came home with his lips swollen from licking and biting them. i'm torn. i want leroy to make his own choices about the binkie and i also realize i gave it to him as a comfort object, what do i replace it with? who am i to decide he is done?

then i think well, he won't have it when he is with his dad and that will be stressful. so if we can get rid of it when he is with me there won't be the stress of not having it when he is with his dad. and of course i'm tired of losing them and looking for them and he wakes me up at night telling me he can't find his binkie. don't wake me up. i need my sleep.

i think he is close. i don't want him to feel punished or wrong. i think that this is his safer environment and it might be easier for him to deal with not having it when he is with me.

yeah! dru blood has exciting world changing conference news and in the tiny space in the world i am occupying at the moment it's all about leroy's binkie.

now the weather has cooled about 20 degrees from yesterday at this time and it's very cool and overcast out. i wish that it would rain.

it's fun to guest blog. i recommend it!

Posted at June 29, 2003 10:23 PM

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Comments

No chance Gary will relent if you gently bring up Leroy's swollen lips? Does he think sucking on his lips a better habit than a bink- because he can't take his lips away.I know you've already given him your reasons. I wish he'd listen to you. I think the way you want to do it will work- Leroy won't feel like he's lost something that way. I know you keep things cool with Gary for Leroy's sake- but it would make me happy if you kicked him.

Posted by: ivyblogs at July 1, 2003 7:49 AM

girl i woke up thinking about this. yesterday i had decided that at least leroy had it at home and his visits with his dad are short so he'll be all right and i won't take it away from him at home. i don't want him to feel powerless! i want him to make this choice when it is right for him. yeah, the dentist says it isn't doing him any good and my naturopath says that it may be contributing to his ear infections.

anyway, i haven't tried talking to gary because i was really positive and gentle before and he was not hearing me. i thought about writing him a letter.

and then i just want this to die. maybe that is denial. last time he was with papa three nights. his next visit is from 9am to the next day around 4. and that is it for a month. so i think i may just stick to plan a and let leroy have it at home.

you wouldn't believe how resilient this boy is. he can handle it. gary on the other hand does not have leroy's gift and in the big picture, he does most things well, including taking care of leroy and giving him love.

Posted by: angela at July 1, 2003 9:41 AM

I'm so glad you decided to let him keep his binkie at your house. I'm being oh so restrained about the father's "rule" about the binkie. I guess I won't get started here. I'm sure I'll say things I'll regret. Just keep insisting on what you believe is right for your child. A "united front" is a tool of the state as far as I'm concerened. And another two cents, kids should suck as long as they want to. My kids both nursed and had bottles until they were five and six years old and I don't even know how they stopped or when exactly because it was their decision and their own timing. My job as a mom has been largely about securing a space for my kids to be who they are and develop at their own pace in their own way. Sometimes that meant keeping their other parent at bay while the process was taking place.

Anyway, more like a rant than two cents. I'm glad you protect a nice big space for leroy.

Posted by: suzanne at July 4, 2003 9:13 AM

thanks, that helps. we've been playing phone tag. i just want to tell him that i'm going to let him keep it and why and i wish that we were together on this for leroy's sake (and comfort)and i hope he knows that i respect him as a parent because i do.

it really helps to hear how long your kids kept theirs. thank you!

Posted by: angela at July 4, 2003 5:12 PM