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« Oh, my fucking GOD, would you just SHUT UP! | Main | "free" trade 101 »
Looking Forward, Glancing Back
December 30, 2003
I don't usually make hard resolutions for the new year. Instead, I make periodic, usually seasonal, adjustments to rhythm and re-evaluations of priorities.
I'm in the process of doing that now. I was talking to a friend the other night, and it occurred to me that this season is particularly good for all of that. It starts with the solstice, which I have now determined will be a holiday of creativity and activity, and then moves forward into the new year, which is about tweaking my schedules and my priorities - looking forward into the coming year, and then, shortly after New Year's, is my birthday, which frequently brings about reminiscence and redirection. What happened last year that I don't want to have happen again? What do I want to happen in the coming year? These are things that I attempt to evaluate at the change of every season, but it makes sense now why the questioning seems particularly acute around this particular time of year.
So, I have spent some time each day evaluating what I'm doing with myself and what I need to be doing, and, list-maker that I am, I have composed my share of unspoken, unwritten lists.
First, I created an index card method of housekeeping that should keep the housekeeping in order and a little more interesting. I had been using a 3-ring binder with various chores that I would check off at various intervals. I'm big into lists and really weirdly elaborate guidelines for doing things, so this worked well for me, but I kept having to re-print the checklists and it seemed like a huge waste of paper. The index card plan is good, because I'm re-using old index cards (that I once used as my weirdly elaborate record-keeping system when I used to mail out zines) and I'm throwing in random little cards that say things like "Fuck the chores, go lay in the hammock!" and "Write the kids a love note!" and stuff like that. Maybe I should package this, write a book, and make a zillion dollars. I could call it rolodex cleaning, and I could become rich.
OK, anyway - I'm glad that is done. And my next organizational project is figuring out how to redesign our days with regard to homeschooling. Monk wants to keep doing things they way we have been, and I like the circle time in the morning, but I don't think I've been spending enough time with Cole, so I think I'm going to divide the circles into 30-minute intervals - thirty minutes of reading aloud to both kids, and then 30 minutes where we either all work on a handwork or art project together, or I work with Cole on artsy-craftsy stuff while Monk does his mazes or works in a workbook (which, oddly enough, he really loves to do.) There needs to be more messy art stuff going on in the house, and more cooking as a family, I think. I picked up a really cool book at a thrift store that is all about kids cooking kids meals, and even has like curriculum-y type questions at the end of each section...and it's vegetarian. I can't remember what it's called, but I had never seen it before, and it almost looks like it's ultra small-press. So, maybe I can use that.
I really need to encorporate more movement into our days as well. My kids tend to want to stay indoors (as do I) - but there's so much good weather here this time of year that it's dumb to be inside all of the time. More outdoor time. More walks. More dancing. More moving. This is something I wish I could just give to L to do, because he has the best part of the day to do it in. In fact, when he comes over is a really great time to take the kids to the playground because the school kids are just getting out, and there are lots of neighborhood kids there for Monk to meet and socialize with...I'm sure he would love that, but L doesn't take them out there, and you can be sure that if I mention it to him he will ABSOLUTELY refuse to do it. But, I think I'm going to ask him anyway. Pretty much any other time of the day for us is full of other stuff. Late afternoon is the best for playground time during the winter months. Once it gets warmer, it will be best in the early morning hours.
So those are the more tangible things that need to change in the coming months. I'm still thinking about the other things. Here's what I have running through my head right now:
- Get the divorce early in the year: L is getting more and more unreasonable about the agreement that we signed, and I'm feeling like we need to get something legalized quickly before he abandons it altogether. A direct quote from him yesterday was "That piece of paper" (meaning our agreement) "means nothing to me." Technically, the negotiated agreement is not a legal document, but it will most likely mean something to a judge if one of us is not honoring it, due to the fact that many judges order couples to go through mediation. L is now refusing to mediate. EVidently, I'm capable of exerting mind control powers on him and the neutral third parties in the room to force an outcome that is favorable only to me.
- Find a way to join the Y: This has been on my list of shit to do for the past 2 or 3 seasonal changes, but I just haven't gotten around to it. Someone recently asked me if I had TIME to go to the Y, and I think I do - at least 3 times a week. I really miss working out, and I just can't do it in my home. When I try to do yoga when the kids (namely Cole) are awake, they climb on me and run around me and it's just not very relaxing.
- Try going to the UU church again: I'm thinking I'm going to attempt to start attending the morning services. The contingency here is Cole. If he will allow me to put him in the nursery, I will go. If he will not, I will try again next season. I initially wanted to start going to church so Monk would have a chance to build friendships with a community of kids who weren't necessarily all homeschoolers, but it's just way too stressful to deal with the idea that Cole is spending his entire time there screaming and crying.
- Re-evaluate, and REALLY STICK to my budget: I think I've done a pretty good job of creating a workable budget, in spite of the fact that I haven't gotten a pay raise in two years (and, in fact, I earned less last year than the year before due to the absence of freelance/contract work that was previously available). I'm mostly doing a good job of sticking to the budget, too, but there are some things that I need to work on. My primary difficulty is nights like this, when I don't have anywhere in particular to go, and I am stuck either spending the entire evening at the library, or going to work, or, HEY! I KNOW! I'll just get a bite to eat! See what I mean? I want my home to be my space, and I want to be able to stay in my space when I am on vacation. I'm tired of being foisted from my home on a daily basis for someone else's convenience.
Those, I guess, are more of the more tangible things that I would like to work on this season/year. I'm working on the intangible changes...turning them over in my mind. I'll probably post them later. It doesn't seem like they belong in this post, and besides...they are probably more of a late night kind of meandering.
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Comments
"What happened last year that I don't want to have happen again? What do I want to happen in the coming year?" ~ Ilike these questions Dru - good ones to ponder as 2004 rolls around and winter slowly unravels. The Y paperwork is a bit of a hassle but it works out in the end, so go for it, Mama! Imagine how good it would be to be able to do yoga and swim again! Once you get the dicvorce papers done, hopefully L will have less of a right to kick you out of your own space - not that he has the right now! and he'll have to pay up in the support department - both which sound like they'll alleviate some stress around the blood household. Hugs!
Your resolutions sound like mine...
get divorced, go to church, get the yoga mat out and use it...
"L is now refusing to mediate. EVidently, I'm capable of exerting mind control powers on him and the neutral third parties in the room to force an outcome that is favorable only to me. "
HA! I was once accused of turning a counselor against my exH during marital counseling.
The counselor was a married man with years of counseling experience, the exH and I were both present at every session; the exH FELL ASLEEP once when it was my turn to talk but yeah I turned the guy against him. I can laugh now.