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« December 2003 | Main | February 2004 »
The most bizarre things seem to happen to me...
January 31, 2004
sometimes I wish I could just lay my hands on someone and transfer all fo the events of my life from me to them, like in that movie The Crow, so they would just understand, you know? Instead, there's all this...stuff...that hangs there in the air, and remains unarticulated. It's nice, because it's like five million conversations and 20 million discoveries and joys and mysteries. But the understanding is what I'm looking for. For someone to understand me, and for me to understand someone else.
Five million conversations, and usually I get to conversation number 4 million, 999 thousand 9 hundred and 99, and I suddenly forget who it is I'm talking to and who it is who is talking to me. Like, it ceases to matter, and then I have to start all over again with someone new, and I don't want to have to do that anymore. I just want the hand laying-on thing.
And sometimes, like now, something rare occurs. There is a presence. Just a knowledge of someone Being There. Just there. And there's no longer any urgency...like those five million conversations could stretch out over 5 million years, neverending, and that yawning time wouldn't seem like too much and it feels like I might never grow impatient for that understanding because in the meantime there's a different kind of understanding. An understanding without urgency or strife. An understanding that is quiet and gentle.
And it's funny, because I thought I was alone in this room, and I was just singing at the top of my unselfconscious lungs, and then I looked up and there you were. Just...there. And I had a sense, for a time, that I was in control I could quit anytime, but suddenly I'm gripping the edges of things and jittery. My insides are warm, but I'm shaking outside like I have some sort of flu and ohshit, is this what I think it is? And Oh, damn...it's about time for what I think this is.
Gripping the edges of things and hearing new meaning in all of the Sad Songs on the radio, and staring at the moon. And feeling total understanding when my son tells me "Mom, I don't want to love you, because if I love you, then there won't be room in my brain for all of the other stuff that I store there."
And the most bizarre things seem to happen to me. I don't know if it's just because I have a low threshold for what qualifies as strange, or if I just am in tune to the details, but I'm still, I'm shaking right now, and I'm wanting. I'm wanting. I'm wanting to just lay my hands on you and rest there. Just rest in the knowing.
RePost: 1/29/2003
January 30, 2004
I just got a comment on this post over at the old full bleed blog, and re-reading it, I was kind of impressed with myself. I'm feeling lately like my writing has been falling short...like I'm not really raising any important issues or writing with the same clarity and passion that I used to. Not sure if that's just insecurity on my part, or if it's just that my current life situation is not really conducive to those detailed posts that I used to write. I know that throughout my life my writing has waxed and waned, and, well, whatever. I might as well not bother to dwell on it so much, but I did want to repost that old post, because I really like it...It was written after the state of the union address last year, just prior to the war, and it only got like 2 comments:
Heaping the Price of Wealth on the Backs of the Poor
I get the sense that most rich people just can not understand why I don't like them very much. So I think maybe I should attempt to explain this in as simple terms as possible.
No, it's not about jealousy, or wanting what "they" have. It's not about laziness, and idleness breeding contempt. What it's about is incredulity at the sense of entitlement I've seen exhibited by the wealthy. Most recently, by Mr. Smug himself, our unelected resident, king George.
Here's the deal. Wealth is not accumulated in a vacuum. In fact, in an economy based on scarcity and exchange of intangible dollars for tangible goods, wealth is actually built out of the blood, sweat, and skin of many many people. I know for a fact that when I lay down my hard-earned dollars to buy a pound of tofu, someone at the bottom of the tofu chain worked hard for the fraction of the penny on that dollar that they will receive.
This sweat-product ratio is not by any means static. You might think of it as a pyramid scheme with freedom and sovereignty of human individuals as the building blocks. The higher up on the pyramid you are, the more people you have had to step on to get there. And even standing at the pinnacle, or any point, really, exerts a tremendous amount of pressure on those supporting you. It's crucial that we are aware of this. I don't think many people are.
Turning a blind eye to this reality serves a very important function. It enables people who are undeserving of what they have to blame the needs of the less fortunate, who are frequently characterized as lazy and self-serving (ironically enough). If you pretend that wealth is not accumulated at the expense of hard working people who do not even see a fraction of the wealth, it's easy to form an argument that requiring the wealthy to contribute an exponential amount of their wealth to the general good is somehow unjust.
It is not unjust. Accumulation of wealth requires and exponential amount of resources. And not only that, but for the people who are at the base of the pyramid, supporting the weight of the wealthy, it is exponentially more difficult to acquire the basic necessities of life. In a structure built on scarcity, this is the reality.
You can see, too, why it's so important for the wealthy to disempower and disenfranchise those who are functioning at the base of the pyramid. Without the base, the whole fucking structure collapses. So it's important to keep those at the bottom in line by, oh, I don't know...acting like they are in danger of attack, constructing a system whereby they must compete in order to get ahead, proclaiming it "God's" will that they do their duty, or simply by making it so difficult to maintain the weight that they can't even think about doing anything else.
If you think people like George Bush aren't aware of this...if you think this pyramid analogy is some sort of accident...think again. Think HARD. Think about history. Think about the present. Think about the false promises that were made last night. Think about the costs of war. Think about who REALLY pays. And think about the weight you feel on your shoulders as you are thinking about it. And then think about what YOU can do about it.
blogging about blogging
January 30, 2004
There have been a few events over the past few days that have caused me to think about the act of blogging, what I am consciously attempting to achieve here, and some possible unconscious outcomes of what I am doing.
First of all, I've been contacted in the recent (and not so recent) past by a few people from my past. People I have missed. People I am glad have found me via the blog, and who I hope to maintain contact with. It's a wonderful and nice side-effect of getting really high google hit ratings or whatever.
Second, I've experienced some weirdness around people who I know locally finding my blog and having some awkwardness about whether to reveal that they read my blog. I certainly don't mind people reading this blog - if I did, I wouldn't spout off in a public place - but I'm not sure what the ethic of blogs is for people who read this and don't really know me well...what do I expect of them? Is it better that I know they are reading? Or is it best that they remain anonymous. I think I would like to know, so if you are reading this, and you are someone I see in my real life...please let me know. At the very least, I will be able to attempt to refrain from saying something mean about you. hahaha.
Third, both of these things together make me feel a bit vulnerable in terms of having exposed so much of what makes me function as a human being. I remember there was a discussion about racism back at the old surreally blog in which I ended up saying something like "I'll feel more comfortable when all of this dies down and I go back to getting my usual 35 or so hits a day." I get a lot more than 35 hits a day these days, and it always makes me feel weird when I get 200 plus hits and NO comments. I would much rather get fewer hits and more interaction so I don't feel like I'm doing some sort of emotional strip tease for a silent audience. I know that a lot of people come here off of google hits and don't necessarily read anything that I've written, but...I dunno.
That's not to say that I'm going to stop doing what I'm doing. I've been putting my personal stuff out there in one form or another for practically my whole life. And, I suppose, in the zine days it was even less apparent who was reading the stuff...at least now I have sitemeter to tell me. Still, it's something to consider...something I'm considering.
Also - how difficult is it for someone to be involved with me in my personal life? Do my friends DREAD the idea that I might blog about them? Does it make it somewhat more exciting? Is it disappointing when I DON'T blog about them? Because, for all that I write here, there is much that I do not.
Anyway, this is what I"m thinking about today as I dance around and pacify boo-boos and mediate arguments and do the standard mom-type things.
I hope everyone has a good weekend.
Date Night.
January 30, 2004
So, tonight is my monthly date night with Monk, and my friend John has invited us to his house to play games on his x-box. Monk is so thrilled, he can barely contain himself. Last night, he confided in me, quite earnestly.
He said: Mom...I want you to know that I'm mainly going to be concentrating on John tonight...I MIGHT have a conversation with you every ONCE in awhile, but mostly I'm going to be hanging out with John.
Isn't that cute?
His papa gave him a marker pen last night, and he's DRAWING. I'm so thrilled. I've been so distraught over the fact that he never draws, feeling like there's something strange about a little boy who doesn't like to draw....but there he is right now, going to town with his little tongue sticking out as he concentrates, drawing these little picture stories. A pirate ship, an alien, and a diving board and swimming pool that are closed. YAY! I'm running right out to the store today and buying a million of these "Bic Grip Permanent" pens, as they are the only pen Monk will draw with...or so he claims.
So, here he is, drawing up a storm. And it's so awesome. And we're both totally looking forward to tonight...
I'll be here
January 29, 2004
It took me an entire day or maybe two at most to decide to just set up a seperate blog at fullbleed.net to post to while I'm at work. So, if you miss me, I'll be here.
Zagg's Post
January 29, 2004
OK, i have a little time here, although I just posted and accidentally deleted a bunch of rambly stuff about being a mom and about my allergies and about how delightful it is that people like Zagg exist in the world and how he's an inspiration to me...but I don't feel like recreating that, so I'm just going to get down to business...
In his "Kitchen Sink" post, Zagg says:
There's some striking numbers in a recent MSNBC poll.52 percent of respondents don't want Bush re-elected compared to 44 percent that do. Yet 78 percent feel that Bush will be re-elected.
And I have to say that my first reaction was echoed by someone from Randomwalks who said that this statistic pointed to the fact that maybe people believe that no matter who they vote for, the election will be stolen by Bush anyway. Which is just another way in which disillusionment and disempowerment is manifested. It's one thing to believe the conspiracy theories, but it's another to act in a manner that only serves to uphold their validity, if you know what I mean.
There are literally millions of people walking around right now all feeling completely alone. Isn't that insane?
Quite. And, as you acknowledge in the following paragraph, it's insane by design. Keeping us isolated is the best way to keep us in line. And, at the same time, what will it take for us to stop contributing to that isolation. Because in my post yesterday, you made the very valid point that blaming the American Public is blaming the victim, as the media and our elected officials conspire against us, but at what point are we responsible for rising up and taking responsibility. How many of us uphold the status quo out of fear of being inconvenienced? And how do we convince people who are basically trained to equate collectivism and community with a loss of individualism that community is the best way to nurture individualism and cultivate true freedom?
Answers! I need answers!
I definitely believe that you are correct that the anti-war movement was far from a total failure. For one thing, there is really no way to gauge what things would be like now had there not been so very many people expressing very clearly that we're at least alive, awake, and paying attention. It's like saying that if a dam doesn't stop the flood completely, it's completely ineffectual and might just as well not be there. Which we all know is utter bullshit, but I'm sure people will continue to assert it as fact.
I think the false dichotomy of Democrat vs. Republican is just another way of keeping us isolated. It's amazing to me how much I encounter the continued insistence that I am either one or the other. It reminds me of a conversation I had yesterday with Ms. Insane after reading an e-mail from a local homeschooler which included the direct quote "all good things are driven by god, and all bad things are driven by satan!" People have such a need to externalize and categorize good and evil as if they are seperate identifiable THINGS, and I think that happens with Democrat vs. Republican, no matter which "side" of the coin is being argued. Ms. Insane said something like "It's in all major faiths, and it exists so blame can be laid." and I think I added that if you externalize "goodness" and "evil" you don't need to take responsibility for your own actions.* I think our 2-party system is set up so that you can abdicate your responsibility to the party of your choice, and claim the other party is responsible for all of the evil in the world, rather than figuring out what you (individually or, better, collectively) can do within your sphere of influence, however increasingly small that sphere becomes.
Did that even make sense? I think the caffeine combined with the allergy meds is making me a bit loopy.
And one thing that I have really been trying to find the words to blog about, that I would really love to ask in a forum where a lot of right-wing folks are crowing about the economic "recovery" is, really...what do they want me to do that I'm not doing so that my children will be sure to have food and shelter and medical care? Because, quite honestly, I'm working pretty hard here, and my children do have food and shelter, but it's certainly not a lock. And they do NOT have health care. And all I hear about from the right wing, and really even the left wing is that everything is fine, everything is groovy, and only those undesirable "lazy" people are deprived of basic necessities. I really would like to challenge anyone who says that to live a fucking day in my life, make it through the day with all of the potential worry and strife and hard work trying to maintain composure and positive attitude and NOT blow a fucking gasket. And I don't even really have it all that hard. I mean, I'm way more privileged than a LOT of people I know who are working EVEN HARDER and have EVEN LESS of what EVERYONE deserves.
Bah. So, yeah. Economic recovery my ass. It can recover right back to the false delusions of the tech boom, and people will still be struggling to make ends meet here, not because of any policy decisions by any presidential hopeful, but because, yeah, the entire system is set up so a few can make out like bandits and acquire enough wealth so that they can totally isolate themselves from those who are deprived of basic necessities. And the cycle goes on and on and on, and it's so much easier to pretend it's not happening when there's an assumption that, even if bush isn't defeated this year, it'll only be "four more years" before "things change."
And the fact is that STILL the majority of people in this country are not even included in the election process. Still people do not participate. And still politicians choose to ignore rather than include these people, because they know that if they attempted to include them, they'd have to be accountable to them. And that would be dangerous.
*DISCLAIMER: This is not to say that if you practice or observe a major religion, you necessarily externalize good and evil and are irresponsible. I know many religious people who are very conscious and aware of how their actions effect the world, and to whom this does not apply, but I also know that a very great many so-called religious people use this false dichotomy and externalization as a means of avoiding responsibility for their actions. Which is not to say that athiests or other types of religious people don't do this, either...but it's a flawnalogy...deal with it.
Zagg rocks.
January 29, 2004
Zagg sends me an e-mail asking me for a "favor" - which basically consists of reading his blog and commenting. He's so funny. His blog is one of my favorite things in the whole world, and I consider it an honor to read his writings. However, today I have a really bad sinus headache and am sneezing so I can't see straight, and I've only been able to skim his last two posts, which are both essential reading. I would love to provide commentary and continue the discussion, but all I can muster right now is a link. Please go there. Link to Zagg. Read him every day. Tell all of your friends about him. He's where it's at.
(did I overkill on the links, Zagg?)
Not Liars, Vandals!
January 28, 2004
This is an interesting article in which it's asserted that the Bush administration didn't consciously LIE, they just totally vandalized the system to the point where lying was really kind of unnecessary:
The point is not that the President and his senior aides were consciously lying. What was taking place was much more systematic—and potentially just as troublesome. Kenneth Pollack, a former National Security Council expert on Iraq, whose book “The Threatening Storm” generally supported the use of force to remove Saddam Hussein, told me that what the Bush people did was “dismantle the existing filtering process that for fifty years had been preventing the policymakers from getting bad information. They created stovepipes to get the information they wanted directly to the top leadership. Their position is that the professional bureaucracy is deliberately and maliciously keeping information from them.
Oh, Holy Fuck. The Whole Country Has Gone Mad.
January 28, 2004
I managed to stay up late enough last night to see a snippet of this interview of George Bush in which he basically admits to having totally lied and then FURTHER misleads the public by once again implying that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11 (I'm having the most difficult time finding this quote, but last night on FoxNews Bush really did imply that Hussein was linked to 9/11, and the Kay report casts further doubt on the connection between Hussein and Al Qaeda, in spite of Ashcrofts babbling (about EVIL) to the contrary.)
I have a question. How many people in the Bush administration/coalition will have to resign and speak the truth before the American public gets a grip on the fact that they have been lied to repeatedly, and are still being lied to?
I have to admit that editorials like this are encouraging, although I doubt they'll net much result in the current climate.
It feels like the American public are experiencing a collective recovery from an abusive relationship. Some of us have already fled. Some of us are just reaching to the phone to make the call to the hotline. Some of us are cringing in the corner in the dark. And some of us are actively being beaten down by the system.
Tell me, are you in a safe place?
Homeschoolers and College - take THAT!
January 28, 2004
Yahoo! News - Colleges Noticing Home Schooled Students
Educated at home from kindergarten through high school, Holly Porter said the flexibility of home schooling made the transition to university life easy."It prepared me better than going to a regular high school would have because I was independently motivated," said Porter, now a graduate student at the University of Denver.
neener, neener, neener.
BTW - I assigned HOMEWORK to Monk last night, because he wanted to work in his graphing workbook, but he also wanted to play Age of Empires. I told him to just do the graphing workbook later, and he did FIFTEEN pages. He gets so proud of himself when he does that.
Today, we're going on a field trip to the Mansfield Dam. I might see if I can find some good material about dams online if he seems interested after the tour.
We're doing so much fun stuff here. I'm psyched about how our days are flowing. The kids are happy, mama's happy, life is so great...
More later, I'm sure.
2 Songs
January 27, 2004
Nick Cave's Boatman's Call is, in fact, the world's most perfect soundtrack to love. And lovin'.
I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating.
*swooooooooon*
Are You The One That I've Been Waiting For
I've felt you coming girl as you drew near
I knew you'd find me cause I longed you here
Are you my destiny? Is this how you'll appear?
Wrapped in a coat with tears in your eyes?
Well take that coat babe and throw it on the floor
Are you the one that I've been waiting for?
As you've been moving surely toward me
My soul has comforted and assured me
That in time my heart it will reward me
And that all will be revealed
So I've sat and I've watched an ice-age thaw
Are you the one that I've been waiting for?
Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed
They're only little tears, darling, let them spill
And lay your head upon my shoulder
Outside my window the world has gone to war
Are you the one that I've been waiting for?
O we will know, won't we?
The stars will explode in the sky
O but they don't, do they?
Stars have their moment and then they die
There's a man who spoke wonders though I've never met him
He said, "He who seeks finds and who knocks will be let in"
I think of you in motion and just how close you are getting
And how every little thing anticipates you
All down my veins my heart-strings call
Are you the one that I've been waiting for?
Brompton Oratory
Up those stone steps I climb
Hail this joyful day's return
Into its great shadowed vault I go
Hail the Pentecostal morn
The reading is from Luke 24
Where Christ returns to his loved ones
I look at the stone apostles
Think that it's alright for some
And I wish that I was made of stone
So that I would not have to see
A beauty impossible to define
A beauty impossible to believe
A beauty impossible to endure
The blood imparted in little sips
The smell of you still on my hands
As I bring the cup up to my lips
No God up in the sky
No devil beneath the sea
Could do the job that you did, baby
Of bringing me to my knees
Outside I sit on the stone steps
With nothing much to do
Forlorn and exhausted, baby
By the absence of you
I am SUCH a nerd
January 27, 2004
I'm all excited because my favorite episode of Liberty's Kids is on.
COMMON SENSE James, Sarah and Henri meet Thomas Paine and learn of his belief that the common man can rule himself. The Kids also hear Paine's stand favoring full independence from England. James is particularly impressed and realizes that his work on the paper is as important as that of soldiers firing guns.HISTORICAL CONTENT
Thomas Paine publishes his famous pamphlet called "Common Sense." It is an instant best seller, read by everyone from General George Washington to the lowest private in the army. This has a profound effect on the mood of the colonists and helps push the colonies further along the road toward freedom.
mmmmmmMMMMmm...revolutiony!
Arundhati Roy on Empire
January 27, 2004
Unlike in the old days, the New Imperialist doesn't need to trudge around the tropics risking malaria or diarrhea or early death. New Imperialism can be conducted on e-mail. The vulgar, hands-on racism of Old Imperialism is outdated. The cornerstone of New Imperialism is New Racism.The best allegory for New Racism is the tradition of "turkey pardoning" in the United States. Every year since 1947, the National Turkey Federation has presented the US President with a turkey for Thanksgiving. Every year, in a show of ceremonial magnanimity, the President spares that particular bird (and eats another one). After receiving the presidential pardon, the Chosen One is sent to Frying Pan Park in Virginia to live out its natural life. The rest of the 50 million turkeys raised for Thanksgiving are slaughtered and eaten on Thanksgiving Day. ConAgra Foods, the company that has won the Presidential Turkey contract, says it trains the lucky birds to be sociable, to interact with dignitaries, school children and the press. (Soon they'll even speak English!)
That's how New Racism in the corporate era works. A few carefully bred turkeys--the local elites of various countries, a community of wealthy immigrants, investment bankers, the occasional Colin Powell or Condoleezza Rice, some singers, some writers (like myself)--are given absolution and a pass to Frying Pan Park. The remaining millions lose their jobs, are evicted from their homes, have their water and electricity connections cut, and die of AIDS. Basically they're for the pot. But the Fortunate Fowls in Frying Pan Park are doing fine. Some of them even work for the IMF and the WTO--so who can accuse those organizations of being antiturkey? Some serve as board members on the Turkey Choosing Committee--so who can say that turkeys are against Thanksgiving? They participate in it! Who can say the poor are anti-corporate globalization? There's a stampede to get into Frying Pan Park. So what if most perish on the way?
As part of the project of New Racism we also have New Genocide. New Genocide in this new era of economic interdependence can be facilitated by economic sanctions. New Genocide means creating conditions that lead to mass death without actually going out and killing people. Denis Halliday, who was the UN humanitarian coordinator in Iraq between 1997 and 1998 (after which he resigned in disgust), used the term genocide to describe the sanctions in Iraq. In Iraq the sanctions outdid Saddam Hussein's best efforts by claiming more than half a million children's lives.
[...]If all of us are indeed against imperialism and against the project of neoliberalism, then let's turn our gaze on Iraq. Iraq is the inevitable culmination of both. Plenty of antiwar activists have retreated in confusion since the capture of Saddam Hussein. Isn't the world better off without Saddam Hussein? they ask timidly.
Let's look this thing in the eye once and for all. To applaud the US Army's capture of Saddam Hussein, and therefore in retrospect justify its invasion and occupation of Iraq, is like deifying Jack the Ripper for disemboweling the Boston Strangler. And that after a quarter-century partnership in which the Ripping and Strangling was a joint enterprise. It's an in-house quarrel. They're business partners who fell out over a dirty deal. Jack's the CEO.
As usual, wise and inspiring words eloquently spoken by Arundhati Roy.
rain gutter bookshelves
January 27, 2004
Someone talked about these Rain Gutter Bookshelves on the local freecycle list, and I thought it was such a good idea, I needed to share it.
By the way
January 26, 2004
I can no longer access my blog or my mt interface from work, so I won't be able to update from there anymore. I might put up a work-link blog up at fullbleed.net...or maybe I could just really start working on getting Clothespins for the Revolution up and running, or posting to the number of other blogs that I'm supposed to be posting to.
Either way, I'm going to really miss my special time when I first arrive at work after taking the bus and have a million ideas running through my head, so I'm going to have to come up with SOME way to get it out there.
Everyone Deserves Music
January 26, 2004
Something about the quiet peace of forgiveness keeps me going. Today's lunchtime conversation with Monk was called "Daddy doesn't live here anymore." He seemed to need assurance that daddy wasn't a mistake. He seemed to want to hear that papa deserves music.
Oh, monk monk yes monk I tell him. I would never for a minute regret the time I have spent with your papa because look look what he brought me. And I fell in love with your papa because he was smart and funny and kind and fun to be around, and he is still smart and funny and kind and fun to be around, we just don't get along. We have problems individually and together that make it so difficult for us to get along. But I work to still see that goodness in papa when I see him and try to understand his inherent goodness.
Monk says "That's what I've been trying to tell papa to do with you, and it's hard for him." I understand it's hard, but I'm so glad you understand my sweet sweet beautiful son. There is no sense in feeling hatred even if I AM angry. And every day is a clean slate. Just like how we start the day over when we start heading in a bad direction. And everyone is worthy of a second chance. And you will always have the chance to know who your papa is, you will not be denied that chance even if I am angry with him.
And Monk talked about how he might have a step father or a step mother one day and maybe step brothers and step sisters and I told him that might happen one day, and is that scary? Yes, monk says, yes...that's scary to me. But, I tell him, I will make sure that anyone who is allowed into your life is someone who will be nice to you and treat you and me and your brother well. I won't allow someone who mistreats you into our lives. I just won't I will make sure you are safe, above all else. And maybe, says Monk, maybe that person will be good to have in my life...maybe it would be nice to have more people in our family. To make our family even bigger than it is.
More love, my little monk. More love is never a bad thing at all. More love and more forgiveness, and even our worst enemies deserve music.
(and we don't stop.)
EVERYONE DESERVES MUSIC - Michael Franti & Spearhead:
Everyone deserves music, sweet music, everyone deserves music, sweet music.
Seven in the morn' step on the floor, walk into the kitchen and you open the door.
There ain't much left in the bottle of juice,
Because the seeds that you planted never reproduced.
Computer still runnin, but your mind has crashed,
Because the plans that you made never came to pass.
Now you reconizin' the times is hard,
When you tryin' to take a bite out of your ATM card.
Everyone deserves music, sweet music,
Everyone deserves music, sweet music.
Even our worst enemies Lord, they deserves music, music,
Even the quiet ones in our family, they deserve music.
Ginny's home life wouldn't stabilize,
At the age of 15 learned to drink and drive.
No one ever could seem to empathize,
Makin' babies in the back seat on traquilizers.
Papa never was much a rolling stone see, he just like to sit and drink alone,
Mama always tried to do the best she could.
She would work all day and then come home to cook but,
We all vain, we all strange, we all drained, we all love to just complain.
But nobody wants to seem to get along, ya see, we got shame, we got pain,
We got blame, we all a little bit insane,
So that's why I sing this song ya know because...
Chorus
So I pray for them and I'll play for them,
So I pray for them and I'll play for them.
We all vain, we all strange, we all drained, we all love to just complain.
But nobody wants to seem to get along, ya see, we got shame, we got pain,
We got blame, we all a little bit insane,
So that's why I sing this song ya know because...
Chorus
Triggers & Dinner Parties
January 26, 2004
So, it's been an interesting weekend. An introspective weekend. I'm finding myself becoming involved with someone in a way that I haven't become involved in a long time, and it's very nice. He's very nice. He's almost exactly the opposite of what I'm used to in the best ways possible.
And I'm discovering a couple of things in the midst of this. For one thing, all of this stuff that I thought I had already dealt with (thank you very much) is all rushing to the forefront of my consciousness. Scars I thought were completely faded are becoming exposed, and forcing me to re-deal with things. And every time this person tells me something about myself that is nice, I about burst into tears.
But what I'm also discovering is that I have learned a lot, and I'm able to apply what I've learned. I'm able to stop myself from reacting to these triggers, to consciously decide what I REALLY think about something, rather than what my initial response might be, and I'm able to trust not only this new person, but also myself...my instincts. That feels so good.
I'm also discovering the value of friends. My trustometer has been known to give faulty readings, and it's good to have people around me to tell me "It's ok to trust. It's ok to give. We'll keep track of this stuff and let you know if you're not seeing a repeat pattern of violation. You go. You trust. You forgive and heal." I'm so, so thankful for all of the wonderful and supportive people in my life.
So, yeah...on an emotional level, that's what I'm dealing with. All of that and a healthy dose of PMS had me crying all day yesterday, and almost caused me to cancel my dinner party, which would have been a mistake.
I'm glad I didn't cancel. I decided as a new year's "resolution" of sorts that, in addition to having monthly potlucks, I would have monthly "dinner parties" with one or two families. A little less work than the potlucks, but just as much fun. Not a dinner party like "come over to my house and I will serve you", but "come over to my house, help me prepare a delicious meal, and let's all sit down and eat together." It's lovely. I've really come to enjoy making meals with my friends and for my friends. Everyone really liked the endive and rice soup that I made, including Monk. And Pansy baked good wheat bread and kate brought a lovely salad. She's queen of lovely salad. And just the company, the conversation, the joy of sharing food with people on a mellow sunday evening was really nice. The kids all played, and we all goofed and everything was very very groovy.
Monk gave all of the kids magic wands and yu-gi-oh cards as parting gifts, which I thought was really sweet. His precious yu-gi cards! What a guy!
And I put to bed the pseudo-trauma between me and my new friend. There was an act of dishonesty committed before we had really built a trusting relationship, and the act of dishonesty was surrounding a trauma he had experienced which was absolutely significant. The act had nothing to do with me, but his profuse apologies and feelings of guilt had me confused, thinking there was more to it than he was letting on. But there wasn't. He "came clean." I forgave. I don't even know that I needed to forgive. But I feel like I know myself a little better, I understand him a little better, and I'm hoping this only adds more to our friendship.
I went to bed feeling very positive and refreshed about life. And I woke up feeling the same way. The sun is shining like mad out there, and I think it's going to be a gorgeous day.
Relationship Lesson number 2,321,314,124
January 25, 2004
The person with whom you are in a relationship is not responsible for the wrongdoings in previous relationships. Each relationship should come with a clean slate...and that includes both sides. Caution is good, but assumption of guilt and intended hurt is not.
A hummingbird, indeed.
For Suture
January 25, 2004
A hummingbird can come into a house and a hawk will not: so rest and be assured. While looking for the light, you may suddenly be devoured by the darkness and find the true light. --Jack Kerouac
meme time
January 25, 2004
create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.
I just really wanted this to be on my blog
January 25, 2004
I haven't been listening to the news a lot, so I can understand why this might have evaded my attention.
Pentagon and CIA officials appear to have accepted that there is little point in searching for weapons stockpiles in Iraq, and will now concentrate on auditing Iraqi claims of their destruction.
But, you know, shouldn't it be front page news or something? After all, the myth that there WERE weapons of mass destruction was front page news. And every alleged FINDING of WMD was front page news...
Sigh.
Rule by the Capricious and the Corrupt
January 23, 2004
But now the corporations need cheaper labor because they must pay decent (read "too high") wages in America and that cripples profits. The world now becomes the playground for this most recent "Industrial Revolution." Never mind that we learned about exploitation of workers -- unsafe working conditions, no health coverage, no child labor laws, no retirement benefits, no job protection, and no labor rights -- two centuries ago during our previous industrial revolutions here and in England; laborers in China, Malaysia, Vietnam, Mexico, and any other country that can be controlled and exploited must endure what English and American workers endured before the laws caught up with the corporations - and that took a hundred years! This is the freedom Bush promises: freedom for exploitation, freedom for investors, freedom to profit at the expense of people unable to protect themselves.Consider the benefits of "free markets": "U.S. workers lost 879,280 jobs as a result of NAFTA in the past 10 years - with all fifty states and the District of Columbia losing jobs to NAFTA between 1993-2002" according to Robert Scott (the Economic Policy Institute). If we can do this poorly with two nations involved, imagine the number of jobs yet to be lost when we migrate our jobs to 34 nations upon implementation of FTAA! But lest one think that the Mexican citizen benefitted from America's loss of jobs, think again. "The cost to the Mexican consumer has risen by 257%" since the inception of NAFTA and the "earnings of Mexican growers of corn, wheat and rice, along with beans, have plummeted" (LA Times, Nov. 20, 2003).
Who, then, benefits from such agreements?
Find the answer here.
More on the Dean Scream
January 23, 2004
A post full of links about the Dean Scream, media hype, and conspiracies atBody and Soul
Most disturbing was this bizarre, almost surreal short article from the washington post. I'm sorry, but a major newspaper, even if it IS a Murdoch newspaper, accusing a presidential candidate of being a conspiracy freak for raising very valid issues about e-voting is enough to make ANYONE a conspiracy freak.
Gah...it just gets more and more frightening.
Yesterday was good
January 23, 2004
I was getting unreasonably impatient with Coley yesterday. He was playing with legos all day, and would erupt into frustrated shrieking every 5 minutes. He'd give me just enough time to start doing something, like a chore or some writing...and then he'd flip out and yell "MAMAINEEDYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" and I'd mutter under my breath all the way into the room where he'd be holding up several pieces of legos that he'd been using to create one of his "machines" and say "FIX IT!"
Hell if I know what goes where, right? So I'd just put the pieces where it SEEMED like they went, and he'd shriek again because I was doing it wrong and I'd get all frustrated and impatient with him and tell him that I had no earthly clue how to fix this particular kind of machine, so he was going to have to fix it using his imagination...and then I'd get back to what I was doing, and the same thing would happen all over again.
Towards lunch time, I was getting so that I felt guilty that I wasn't just sitting down on the floor and playing legos with him, but my house is a freaking mess, and I needed to just really clean. And I started feeling really resentful of the fact that L is able to just come over and focus on the kids and really never has to do any serious cleaning of the house. He usually takes care of his dishes and sometimes tidies a room, but that's it. And I just feel like I'm ALWAYS running around trying to keep the place at least sanitary if not clean.
Bah.
So when we sat down to lunch, I talked about how I was feeling badly that I seemed to not be able to just sit and play with them lately. Monk was all "Don't worry about it, mom...all we ever do when dad is here is watch TV and watch him play computer games. We do a lot when you are with us."
I was all "Really? Do we do enough stuff? I mean, I feel like we don't DO enough."
Monk says "Nah...don't worry about it."
That kid is so cool. Then we talked about our spring garden a bit. Monk wants to plant watermelon and strawberries and a green apple tree. He had spent the morning holed up in his room reading a book about Ancient Egypt, so I grabbed that book and quizzed him a little. Coley acted silly. I really love our lunch table conversations. It feels like we all really come together at that time, and I'm thankful we have that.
After lunch, I set about cleaning up Monk's room, and Monk played house with Coley. Monk was the papa, and Coley was his baby...and Monk had to put cole in Preschool so Monk could go to college (Later in the day, I realized that his imaginative play was reflecting our discussion about whether or not homeschoolers could go to college, and I got all choked up about it in a happy way.) They played this game for like 3 hours - Monk would come "home" from "college" and feed cole macaroni and cheese and pizza. At one point, Monk wanted me to babysit cole so he could go to a movie by himself. Cole cried for his "papa" when Monk left him. It was just so fucking adorable I could hardly stand it. I have these moments with them sometimes...when I become hyper aware of their play together...when I just feel totally overcome with their awesomeness and it's hard not to just burst into tears.
Speaking of bursting into tears, as I was cleaning up Monk's room, I found an old picture of L. A few of them. Pictures where he is smiling or looking youthful and not so dragged down. And I just started crying. I just get overwhelmed with emotion. It's not the kind of thing where I regret our separation or pending divorce. I'm certain I don't want to be involved with him in that way ever ever again, and there's no weakness for any of that. But what I do feel is a sense of loss...like he has died. I see none of what I once saw in him, and that makes me very sad. Because he was a good man. I thought he was a soulmate. Maybe he still is. I always have a tiny glimmer of hope in me that someday, years and years from now, he will just snap back into this other person that he used to be. I don't invest much energy in it, but when I see old pictures of him It makes me really sad. Makes me sad just writing about it, actually.
Anyway, I finished cleaning up Monk's room and Monk finished playing with Coley and I went to work and did work things and then came home and put coley to bed and played a game of clue with Monk. And then my friend J came over and gave me candy and other good things. Very good things. And we laughed a lot and talked, and I love that I can be my mama self and my friend self and so many other kinds of selves with him. It's nice to hang out with people who don't have kids and who don't make me feel like their sick to fucking death of hearing about my kids, you know? And it's also very nice...more nice than I can say...to have a friend like J who is so damn NICE to me. I don't think he realizes that when I tell him he is NICE it's like the highest compliment I can give to someone at this point.
So, J stayed kind of late and I didn't get much sleep and was tempted to be grouchy in the morning, but coley started laughing just about the instant he woke up and monk was in the bed with us and he woke up laughing, too...so we tickled and snuggled for a bit and then the boys got up to do their morning things and I got up to make myself some coffee and we all went about our morning.
L came over and went to play with coley in the playroom and monk jumped out at me and said "Hey! You turned that frown upside down!" And I was all "No I didn't, I've been smiling all day!" and he giggled and ran off and found L. I heard Monk say "Hey! You turned that smile upside down!" And I was gripped with that sadness again - realizing that Monk knew it, too. But what can I do, you know? I can only try be as pleasant as possible under the circumstances.
Tonight will be fun. It's the skating rink for a birthday party with the kiddos and then Pansy and her family will be coming over for a little after party socializing. I think the kids will have so much fun. I got Monk's friend, who is an aspiring comic book artist, some smooth bristol board and pastel pencils. I wanted to buy him some india ink, but I thought that might be too above skill level. Looking at all of that stuff, though, reminded me of the comic book artist I used to live with. Made me want to try to draw myself. But, gah...I think I'm really horrible at drawing...I would have to invent a style that hid my technical insufficiency, and that might be something I just don't have time for.
So, here I am right now at Spider house. Eating some tempeh chili, thinking about my yesterday and night and today. Feeling a little dreamy. I should be answering e-mail, but my head's not there. I think I'd like to just take some time to feel dreamy for awhile and see where that takes me.
Hope you have a wonderful day...
livelifelove
drucilla.
Well, this is certainly interesting
January 23, 2004
I haven't really heard this report in the American media...am I just not listening closely enough, or has it not been reported?
At the time Gun, who was sacked after her arrest and whose case is funded by legal aid, said in a statement: 'Any disclosures that may have been made were justified on the following grounds: because they exposed serious illegality and wrongdoing on the part of the US government who attempted to subvert our own security services; and to prevent wide-scale death and casualties among ordinary Iraqi people and UK forces in the course of an illegal war.' She added: 'I have only ever followed my conscience.
dubya speak dot com
January 22, 2004
I hadn't stumbled across this site before...but it's good for a chuckle, or a stifled sob, depending on my mood.
It's not a dictatorship in Washington, but I tried to make it one in that instance.
-- Chilling way to describe his executive order making faith-based groups eligible for federal subsidies, New Orleans, Louisiana, Jan. 15, 2004
Media Conspiracy?
January 22, 2004
Does anyone else find the actual video of Dean's (in)famous "I have a Scream" speech anti-climactic after hearing all of the fucking hoopla? I'm not even a Dean supporter, and I'm suspicious of the attention being paid to this. For weeks, there's been this build-up as Dean as this Angry Man. I have seen this man speak, and...yeah, he's angry. He's angry and he's passionate and he's emotive and he's articulate...and there ain't a fucking thing wrong with that. It really does seem like the media set him up for a total character assassination and then moved in for the kill at the earliest opportunity.
But the speech he gave after the Iowa Caucuses wasn't particularely "creepy" or "scary" or anything, that's just really what the media wants us to believe. It sounded like, yeah, his voice cracked at the end when he was saying "yeah." Like he was really into what he was saying and his vocal chords reacted to the very real physical manifestations of stress and excitement. Whoop-de-shit. You know?
Anyway, I wasn't really thinking about this or worrying about it until I heard about the moveon.org ad and the superbowl. CBS is refusing to run the moveon.org ad during the superbowl, even though moveon.org is more than willing to pony up the ridiculous fee for them to do so. This, in such close proximity, time-wise, to the Dean smear campaign, just kinda makes me go...."hmmmm."
You know? You really gotta wonder.
And you also really gotta take a peek at this, because it's really quite hilarious, and I think is more in the spirit of Dean's actual speech.
The missing library book
January 22, 2004
I FINALLY found How I Got My Shrunken Head...now I'm just missing a stupid video case and a means of bribing library personell to reduce my fines so I can start using the library again. I freaking HATE when this happens.
Meanwhile, coley keeps taking bites of his graham cracker, getting them all chewed and gooed in his mouth, and then sticking out his tongue at me. He calls it a "tongue tattoo." I finally had to insist that he stop.
Nothing interesting here. I need to do the dishes and clean up the house. We were going to take a trip to a flower shop and start planning our spring garden today, but Monk is thoroughly engrossed in a book about ancient egypt, and I'd rather not distract him from that. Coley is doing "pro bails" off of a giant playground ball. I'm mad at Monk because he read ahead and finished the Lemony Snicket book we were reading together, and I was really enjoying it. I'm not sure if he will let me read it to him.
I'm hoping my friend J will come over and fix my vacuum cleaner for me tonight and maybe watch a movie. I've been expending all of my analytical energy typing really long e-mails to him first thing in the morning and sometimes also last thing at night. Maybe I'll copy some of them here. The floor in the playroom is desperately filthy (mostly dried play-doh). The dogs are once again scratching at the door even though it's lovely outside.
Today is my friday at work and, further, half of my class period today will be taught by a volunteer instructor. It should be easy. This class is going well...perhaps too well. We cut the curriculum in HALF, and I was worried that the clients would not be able to keep up, but they are doing fine. In fact, most of them finish their assignments well within the allotted time, and I'm worried that I'll get to the last week of class and there won't be ENOUGH time to cover the last remaining topice. But we're ahead by half a day already. I'm psyched if this two week class works out well, because it gives me more time to really be a manager and to focus on outreach and volunteer outreach. I love teaching, but I need to sharpen some other skills, like networking, which I am notoriously bad at doing.
Did I mention this house is a mess?
Oh, coffee...I think I've had a bit of it. Can you tell?
A message from the freeway blogger.
January 21, 2004
I got this via e-mail today, and thought it was inspirational, so I figured I'd share it.
Hi there Drublood! Don't go on hiatus just yet... or if you must, consider joining us here at the People's Advertising Network on the freeways. I've spent the past two months painting and posting more signs and installations here in California, the fruits of which can be found now at the site:While the website features mostly the larger, more audacious signs, it's the smaller ones, posted along the peripheries of the freeways that last the longest and probably have the greater effect: little reminders like "The War is a Lie." and "Osama Bin Forgotten". I've probably put up a hundred of those between San Diego and San Francisco... kind of like a Johnny Propagandaseed. Will it make a difference? Who knows. All I know is it's my duty to do whatever I can to wrest the control of information from the tentacles of the moneyed and back into the hands of the people.
Favorite movie line (from my favorite novel as well): Jack Nicholson in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" after trying and failing to lift a sink to throw through the window: "I tried... goddammit. At least I did that."
These are crucial months ahead. Keep fighting the good fight any way you can. Then, if we lose in November, we can always travel. Thanks for your support Drublood - enjoy the site.
-Scarlet P.
Wise words. If you haven't yet visited The Freeway Blogger site, I suggest you do so.
the novel
January 21, 2004
I just sat down and wrote an outliney type synapsis of the novel I've been trying to write for years now. I'll probably have to write the synapsis about a hundred more times before I am satisfied with it.
I think the problem is that it's a fictionalized account of my real life, and in writing it, I'm trying to draw meaning and metaphor from events that probably had no real meaning or metaphor. Which is not to say that's an impossible or even unworthy effort...but there's a lot of stuff that is so difficult for me to figure out and piece together. In a way, though, it's empowering...because I am able to create my own meaning and sense out of some tragic events in my life that were both meaningless and senseless.
The story abruptly ends in my mind with two deaths closely spaced - a suicide and a heroin OD. The weird thing is that I'm fighting an urge to continue the story past that punctuation mark, and to end with a note of hope and continuity. 5 years ago, I would have accused myself to selling out to Hollywood ideals of happy endings, but it seems inappropriate for me to end a story which is ostensibly about the importance of a youth movement with such tragedy.
Or maybe not.
I'm still trying to figure it out.
Boundaries
January 21, 2004
I just scanned down the page for this week of posts, and I realized that I haven't really been writing anything terribly interesting. I've considered putting the blog on hiatus for awhile, but I do have some things to process out loud here and maybe if I keep putting forth the effort, something more interesting will come of it. I get kind of tired of all of the inner work, too...and crave to write long, involved rants about the government and other less personal things...but it just doesnt come. There's to much distraction right now. Good distraction, for the most part, but...distraction nonetheless. Some of the distraction comes from my external world (these next two weeks, I have no time to blog while at work because I'm teaching a class) and some of it comes from my internal world, and all of it is necessary. (Right now, coley is making some bizarre request that I can't decipher and the cat is attempting to sit on my lap but keeps falling off and Monk is playing Age of Empires and the dogs are play fighting int he backyard and the birds are singing and shit.)
But, anyway...where was I.
Oh, yeah. I wanted to make sure it was clear what I mean about "an ideal" because Tonio misinterpreted me last night, and I worry that if Tonio misinterpreted what I was saying, others might, as well.
What I seem to be focusing on in my obsessive way is creating a standard (or ideal) of existing in a relationship with another human being that is not defined by default but defined consciously by myself and the individual with whom I am in the relationship. Any relationship, really. Certainly, as r@d@r pointed out, all of the work of defining would collapse under the age old "what the fuck, let's wing it"ism of love, but establishing and recording this ideal would give me something to look back on when things don't feel right. A map, maybe, to help me to return to a path when I feel lost. I'm all for taking the back roads and making things up when I go along, but the destination is pretty integral to the journey, even though the getting there is, yes, at least half the fun.
In terms of the "ideal partner" I spoke of earlier...what I mean by that is I feel that it is necessary at this point in my life to really think about what is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY...what I'm unwilling to compromise on (because, yes, as susan points out in the comments on the last post, compromise is important...but compromise on important issues can also be counterproductive) and what I'm willing to be flexible about. There is absolutely no way that I can list everything, but I can list the most important things. Guidelines, not rules. Reminders, not a handbook for living.
I do realize, too, that my relationship with L was fairly unhealthy, and there are residuals from that which are informing my obsession with these issues. At the same time, I think what I am trying to do in setting these guidelines is totally healthy. It doesn't come from a need to control outcome, but from a desire to know what I want, at least in a vague way, before I begin. So much of my life has been lived "on the fly" and without real conscious thought. I've been a big proponent of "letting things happen" and no doubt I will continue to live in the moment even when I have my roadmap. However, just like I'm finding that having an outline of structure to my days with the children is conducive to a more peaceful flow of days - I feel that having an outline or rough sketch of how to handle relationships will help me to notice warning signs - and to determine whether those warning signs mean "turn around and don't look back" or "proceed with caution."
So, at some point, I'm going to have to stop writing about THINKING about writing up my ideal (I have been joking for months about writing my list of ideal characteristics of a future partner, but I'm half serious, too.) and actually writing it. But what I'm trying to get with these clarifying posts is an idea if anyone has an ideal that they can share...
I got myself in trouble a month or so ago because I said something like "If I ever have another child, I want to be in a situation where I can stay home with the children and not have to work outside the home for at least three years." The person who took issue with that statement is someone whose opinion I respect and admire, but I still can't figure out why that was an offensive statement to her. I'm not sure if she was not understanding my desire to set up guidelines for myself (guidelines which surely would be re-evaluated when they become relevant, but that would give me a sense of anchorage to an ideal, even if I were to choose to deviate from that ideal.) or if there is something inherently offensive in that statement that I did not (and still don't) see. That's what I'm getting at, though. Writing a series of ideals that I can choose to deviate from, but which might give me pause before deviation.
I think it's called forethought.
Does that make more sense?
Using the children to gain or maintain control.
January 20, 2004
I had an interesting conversation today at lunch with Monk. He's been talking for months about how he wants to be a professional baseball player. Today, he proclaimed that he has given up on his dream to be a baseball player.
I, of course, was curious as to why. I got this answer:
"Because papa tells me that in order to play professional baseball, you have to play college baseball, and homeschoolers can't go to college."
Fuck him. FUCK. HIM. Gah. Now I'm tasked with having to unravel Monk's feelings about this, and helping Monk to understand that he doesn't have to hold these things inside if he feels conflicted, upset, or worried. I set him straight that he would indeed be able to go to college if he desires, and his face lit up.
"I'm reinstating my dream, then!" He exclaimed (the little smarty-pants!)
I did feel that it was necessary to add that, while he should very definitely pursue his dream to be a professional baseball player...it's true that very, very few people who play baseball become professionals. I considered, but decided against, saying that it was likely that, as a homeschooler, he might have more time to practice than most of the people who come up through the public school system.
But, shit...you know? What the fuck is this undermining bullshit? I didn't want to press Monk into being a middle person, but I did ask him what he felt about homeschooling, and whether he wanted to go to school. He said he'd rather be a homeschooler even if it meant he wouldn't get to be a baseball player. He said he wouldn't get to see his friends if he was a schooler. I told him that of course he would see his friends, either way...I mean, I don't want BOTH of his parents feeding him manipulative half-truths about their preferred method of education. Monk said, "Yeah, but I won't get to participate in my homeschooler activities." And we talked about which activities he could and could not participate in if he went to school.
The conclusion was that Monk really enjoys homeschooling. And I'm writing this down as further evidence that Monk's father clearly feels like he needs to use whatever methods available to him to manipulate the situation to whatever he feels is his advantage. I made it clear to Monk that, of course, I preferred that he homeschool, but that if he felt conflicted about something one of his parents was saying about his choices, he was free to bring those feelings to me - even if it's ABOUT me. And he seemed relieved by this.
I'm not quite sure what L is hoping to gain by confusing and alienating his kids, but that's pretty much what he is doing. Perhaps he thinks that I brainwash the kids into thinking like I do (which is ridiculous, considering how rebellious and outspoken Monk actually is), but the kids really enjoy being at home with me. We have fun. Today we did math all morning. Monk did computer games and is going to do some brain quest tonight. He worked out his telling time issues, and practiced adding monetary values. We talked about poetry. We talked about the theories of the origin of life, evolution, and the revolutionary war. He knows what's up, and L should know this. There's no reason to fuck with his world. His world is just fine, thanks.
Can the other parent in this relationship PLEASE grow up and let his son breathe a little. Can we not insert pessimism and doubt into everything in this small child's life, please? Can we at least ATTEMPT to act like a reasonable adult?
Thank you.
relationships...
January 20, 2004
I am trying to find time to write a post about my problem with boundaries and how it affects my relationships and potential future relationships. And I'm trying to figure out my ideal relationship, as well as a list of things I would need and want from an "ideal" partner. This, among the other zillion posts I want to, but can't seem to find the time to, write.
Anyway, I'm wondering if I'm the only person who wants to totally rewrite the rules of a committed relationship. Certainly there must be other people out there who wish to do the same. What are you ideals? What would you change, given the option? How would you go about communicating your ideal or the changes you wish to see to current and future partners?
Is anyone brave enough to answer these questions?
peeance freeance
January 19, 2004
This totally cracked me up:
"Dishonest Dubya" Lying Action Figure
Thanks to Ms. Lauren for the link.
Those greedy protestors!
January 19, 2004
In a time when Seattle is in deep need of money for its schools, its health care systems, for affordable housing, for public transportation, etc., we are paying $250,000, and rightly so, to protesters who were grotesquely violated at the WTO protests in 1999. And Seattle did not learn from that riot, as it produced two more unnecessary police riots in 2003, which still need to be addressed properly by officials, and perhaps the courts. Perhaps using this WTO case as precedence.
Don't they realize that they were being beaten for their own good? For the good of the nation? For the good of the WORLD.
If they didn't want to be beaten by cops, they should have stayed at home and watched sports (and/or political events*) like good little americans.
*permalinks don't work for Kerri's site, but it's the post from 1/19/2004 about the caucases as compared to a sports event - to which I say, "amen, sister."
Your MLK Reading list.
January 19, 2004
I haven't been able to muster any original thoughts, so are some links about MLK, Jr. It's late in the day, I know, but I'm finally getting a chance to read and reflect.
Jason weaves a host of links in with his usual touching eloquence.
Atrios points out how close we are to history.
There's an inventory on the state of the dream 2004 at Negrophile. And more of that report at znet. And at The Black Commentator.
Misquoting King at CounterPunch...and more in this post at uppity-negro...and more at LiP Magazine.
Another excellent article about the latter years of MLK, Jr. from the archives of LiP Magazine, and more from the archives of The Black Commentator.
Just My Thoughts links up the Martin Luther King, Jr. Paper Project.
Republic of T posts a couple of links to various articles.
Roni and United for Peace and Justice ask us to honor the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King Junior by getting active.
Ms. Lauren contributes some salient observations to the occasion.
And I'm going to have to come back to this post at Talk Left when monk and I do our bedtime lesson this evening.
UPDATE: Aldahlia tells a story.
I'd love to link and read more, but my time here is up. I hope you enjoyed your day, and are energized to take on tomorrow, next week, next year...
What's wrong with this picture?
January 19, 2004
Aaron links up some of the right-wing blogs who are taking issue with this satirical military poster at whitehouse.org.
Evidently, their urge to form a knee-jerk argument against anything that contains the word "whitey" and an image of a "non-whitey" has blinded them to the real message of the poster. It seems all of the righties are arguing that this poster is strictly a dig on Dr. Rice, rather than a very astute observation about the status of people of color in the current administration (well, likely ANY administration...but we'll just use the current administration as an example).