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« February 2004 | Main | April 2004 »

Thanks, Ms. Lauren.

March 31, 2004

Forlinking up an article like this:

Innsbruck-based lung specialist Prof Dr Friedrich Bischinger said people who pick their noses with their fingers were healthy, happier and probably better in tune with their bodies.

He says society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking and encourage children to take it up.
Dr Bischinger said: "With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner.

"And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system.

I won't even ask how you found it. I'm just going to quietly disconnect from the internet and go watch the Soprano's DVD I rented.

More on "free" press

March 31, 2004

Tom Tomorrow reports on how urban legends are so easily spread around the news:

As a reader suggested, Friedman probably feels justified in not correcting his t-shirt anecdote because he's simply relaying what someone else heard. If I write, "A man on the street told me that Tom Friedman's columns are written by a team of trained monkeys," then the only factual assertion is that this is what some guy on the street told me, and I guess I have no obligation to set the record straight. Even if it is repeatedly pointed out to me that Tom Friedman actually does write his own columns, and doesn't even own a single trained monkey.

I guess my theme for the day is pisspoor reporting, and how it fucks with our perceptions. I'm sure it's always existed, but I've noticed the insidiousness of it since the war began. Someone will report a half-truth or an outright lie as fact or opinion, and that story carries, but the correction does not. Items are omitted and quotes are taken out of context. And the casual news-listening public doesn't hear the whole story.

I'm sure I can load this up with more links, and perhaps I will later when I'm not busy feeling stressed and overburdened over here.

Bloggin is, after all, my HOBBY, not a paying profession like it is for the goobers who are fucking things up in the media.

Meanwhile, back in the US, the "free press" reigns supreme.

March 31, 2004

ZNet | Mainstream Media | Clarke and Media Failures

You have heard this politicizing of his testimony aided and abetted by virtually every show on the air. He has been on 15 or more news programs and on most of them the questions were the same, as commentator Harry Browne noted on HarryBrowne.org: "Providing their usual support for big government, TV and press reporters repeated and discussed statements Clarke made in 2001 and 2002 -- statements that seemed to back up the charge that Clarke was an opportunistic hypocrite. "But did you notice that every reporter showed us exactly the same statements from Clarke? Some of the apparent 'statements' weren't even complete sentences. Why did everyone who commented on Clarke's apparent flip-flop focus on exactly the same fragments? "They did so because those were the only fragments they had to work with. The quotes were all provided by the Bush administration -- and they're the only quotes available. If the reporters had possessed the original documents, some of them would have picked out other statements or fragments from those documents.

Frank Rich: Operation Iraqi Infoganda

This phenomenon [of faux news broadcasts] has been good news for the Bush administration, which has responded to the growing national appetite for fictionalized news by producing a steady supply of its own. Of late it has gone so far as to field its own pair of Jayson Blairs, hired at taxpayers' expense: Karen Ryan and Alberto Garcia, the "reporters" who appeared in TV "news" videos distributed by the Department of Health and Human Services to local news shows around the country. The point of these spots - which were broadcast whole or in part as actual news by more than 50 stations in 40 states - was to hype the new Medicare prescription-drug benefit as an unalloyed Godsend to elderly voters. They are part of a year-plus p.r. campaign, which, with its $124 million budget, would dwarf in size most actual news organizations.

Of course, you will never see THIS reported in the major media.

I'm listening to Public Enemy this morning, making lunch, reading the news, and contemplating Canada.

[I'm sure most of these links were ripped from the comments at Eschaton, which is what occupied the better part of my news reading this AM, and which is where I also found THIS surreal gem:

It is "deeply offensive and contemptible" to hear "elites and intellectuals on the campaign trail" dismiss progress in Iraq since last year's overthrow of Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein (news - web sites), the elder Bush said in a speech to the National Petrochemical and Refiners Association annual convention.

]

Democracy in Iraq, at last!

March 31, 2004

Pacifica.org

For the most part, the US isn't leaving the Iraqi media to Iraqi's. Shortly after the start of the occupation, the Pentagon announced it was founding a new TV station, al-Iraqiyia, which would be run by Americans. Then, last month, the State Department launched a new Arab satellite channel, al-Hurra, the Freedom, broadcast from a federal building in Virginia. Imad al-Khafagi, al-Hurra's Bureau Chief in Baghdad, literally came to Iraq with the American military.

[link swiped from discussion at atrios]

Who is the biggest fool?

March 31, 2004

I know internet polls don't really prove anything, but this is an encouraging (or totally depressing, I can't decide which) thing to come across first thing in the morning.

Go ahead and cast your vote. What the heck, you know?

Wal-Mart defends Patriotism

March 30, 2004

Patriotboy is at it, again...defending truth, justice, and the Wal-Mart Way:

I say to hell with the traitors. Wal-Mart should be proud to be a symbol of authoritarianism. Indeed, I urge you to sponsor a Triumph of the Will like tribute to fascism at your headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas. I'm sure the local Chamber of Commerce would love the idea. Think about it. Bentonville could become the new Nuremberg.

It's so sad that General Christian is on the other side. We could use more manly men like him on the lefthand side of the political spectrum.

[themowingdevil hepped me to this link]

Out of Shape

March 30, 2004

I've also decided that, in addition to needing some vacation time, I need to schedule some serious exercise time into my day. I am out of shape, and I just don't have any time in the day to work out like I used to.

So, today we went across the street to the playground. And, while the kids played in the pebbles and on the playset, I took Spike (the boston terrier) on a walk around the perimeter of the playground. I stayed within site of the children the entire time, and I did some fast walking and even JOGGED a lap, which was actually kind of fun for me.

It was not fun for Spike, however, as on our second lap he went to have some playtime with another dog (I asked permission of the dog's owner before I let him off the leash) and the other dog promptly latched onto poor spikey's neck and would not let go. AFter about 5 horrifying minutes of the dog's owner trying to physically pry her dog off of spike, her dog (who was the size of approximately TWENTY spikes) finally let loose. Amazingly, there wasn't any blood. BUT, poor spikey was EXHAUSTED, and spent the rest of our time on the playground gasping loudly for breath. I kept trying to give him water, but he seemed to not want or need it. I was trying to get him to relax and slow his breathing down, but he kept getting all excited. The funniest/scariest part was when we would try to bark, and it ended up sounding more like a QUACK.

Thus continues my frustrating day. But at least that part was marginally funny. I keep waiting for the poor little guy to keel over and die of a heart attack, but we got home and he was ready to play with the other dogs, wheezing, coughing, and all.

It's somewhat encouraging to know that even if I'm in bad shape, I'm in better shape than the dog.

vacation

March 30, 2004

I think I've come to the conclusion that what I really need is a really long vacation away from the kids. Like, maybe even a whole entire weekend. Wouldn't THAT be nice?

In lieu of that, I think we're going to get out of the house and go for a long walk after everyone is finished with lunch. Without the dogs, because they cause more stress on a walk than anything else. And without a thought of time limits or all of the deadlines looming in my little world. A walk would be a very good thing. It will only be a few more weeks before it's unbearably hot outside, and I need to get the blear out of my eyes, and these boys need to release some extra energy which is currently evidently only being released by their mouths.

Yes. A walk. A walk will be a good thing. If I was a drinker, I would say a shot of something or other would be a good precursor to this walk. But I'm not...so a deep breath of fresh air will have to serve me.

I'm so tired

March 30, 2004

It's been one of those days where I feel like my space keeps getting violated. The kids have been all over me today, and even when I have taken time to attempt to interact with them, I am feeling somewhat smothered by them. We spent an hour playing the popular 70's board game STOP THIEF! which is really a very fun game, once the rules are modified to make it less of a game of logic and more of a game of luck, which is essential when one of the major obstacles of play is keeping the three year old from throwing the game board out the window. Truthfully, I realize that Cole is only 3, and he's not a particularly mellow or patient three-year old...so there is only so much one can expect of him in terms of sitting still or respecting the game playing of his older brother and his mom...but I do get so tired from holding in the frustration of having to attempt to be as polite as possible in asking him to please not upset the board AGAIN. I also realize that it's just a game, but I am just so tired of having to repeat my requests over and over and over again.

Regardless, we had fun playing the game, and Coley did a little bit better about controlling his destructive behavior to allow us to have fun. I made up a rule that if he felt like he needed attention, he needed to come sit in my lap, rather than upset the game board. That seemed to work a little better. He's slowly learning.

It's mostly frustrating to me because when Monk was 3, he was already able to sit for the duration of a nice game of chutes and ladders, and he had the patience and presence of mind to actually follow the rules and play correctly. I didn't realize at the time that this was a demonstration of an extraordinary attention span.

Actually, I'm not sure if it's that Monk has an extraordinarily long attention span, or if Cole's is extraordinarily short, or even if they are just at the extreme ends of "normal" or "average." What I do know is that the difference between them is exhausting, and difficult to manage. It makes it very difficult to accommodate both of them in any given activity. The problem is made worse by the fact that Coley is extremely mama-centric, and Monk is going through a phase in which he's possessive of my time, as well...or just generally wanting to be the center of attention. Our days are closest to ideal when Monk holes himself up in his room most of the day, and I can focus on alternating between cleaning up and reading to/playing with Cole, and checking in on Monk at various intervals. We come together at lunchtime and talk, and then go our seperate ways for a couple of hours, and then come together again for stories and/or games.

Today, though, things fell apart early. We all woke up too early, the boys were too keyed up too early, I felt like I didn't have the space to take care of my needs first thing in the morning, and everyone was way too loud.

Being a parent is definitely the most difficult thing in the world that I've ever experienced. It's a constant balancing act. My needs need to be met in order for me to meet their needs, but so often their needs need to come before mine, and it's so easy to forget to take care of myself...not to mention that they aren't always eager to assist me in ensuring I have the time and space to do so. For instance, while I was writing this, I was also preparing lunch, calling the kids in, serving lunch, attending to a poop accident, talking to Monk about baseball, math, and the romans, listening to coley talk about his play-doh creatures...and I'm sure there were other things, as well.

No wonder I'm so tired.

Make your own graffiti

March 30, 2004

My writers' block is so bad, I can't even think of somethign clever to fit on a graffiti bridge, but maybe you will do better.

[link courtesy of Uff]

Writer's Block

March 30, 2004

I have determined that I'm suffering from writer's block. I have a lot to say, but I just don't have the energy to struggle for the words that normally come easily. So, that's cool. I'll take a break from any real writing, and just do linkys and/or little updates about my day....or nothing at all.

I'm feeling this tremendous urge to invest in a high speed internet connection, even though my budget doesn't really allow for it. Although it seems high speed internet is getting closer and closer in cost to what I currently pay for my dial-up connection.

The children woke me up at, gosh, it must have been 6:45 or so this morning "Because the sun is up and it's daytime now, mom!" I am totally dreading the time change. I managed to stay in bed with them for 45 minutes or so because it's kind of chilly in the house and the bed is nice and warm, but it wasn't exactly comfortable or restive. Now I'm feeling playfully cranky.

Monk and I rebounded from our terrible Sunday to have a pretty good Monday. He's REALLY into reading books now, so he usually spends a good portion of the day reading. But we also quizzed each other with Brain Quest 2nd Grade, and I showed him how to multiply 2 and 3 digit numbers the long way and the short way. We talked about some of the rules of multiplication and addition, and how you can interchange them. And we talked about subtraction and division as the opposite of addition and multiplication, and I showed him a problem that required division to find the solution. The kid LOVES math. He loves talking about math. And I'm excited about explaining it to him, because it helps me to understand and appreciate math better to put into words all of this stuff that I have figured out for practical purposes AFTER I was taught a bunch of impractical math methods in school.

Coley spent most of the day playing in the sandbox, but I think we did some reading, as well. And he ran around the house pretending various things were weapons. Sigh.

It's a beautiful spring morning. The clothes are hanging out on the line, probably a bit damp from the night air still. We don't have any concrete plans for today. I might see if playgroup is happening at K8's and, if so, go hang out there this afternoon. This evening, I have a meeting to attend for MAIN, in prep for the webraising that's taking place on April 17th. I get to see my sweetie, which is making me smile right now.

I hope you have a lovely day...

I am the evil oppressor

March 29, 2004

On the work blog, I posted a long drawn-out description of the hellish ordeal I went through with monk last night. But the gist of it was that it ended with me banishing Monk to his room for the rest of the evening, about which punishment he had this to say, rather dramatically:

"You can take away my privileges! But you can't take my Friends, my MEMORIES, or my MIND!"

I am, in fact, the evil oppressor.

What's your motivation?

March 28, 2004

MSNBC - Transcript for March 28

MR. CLARKE: [...]Let's talk about motivation. You're asking me is that the motivation. So let's talk about what the motivation actually is. The actual motivation for writing this book is to, number one, tell the people who have been asking me for two or three years, you know, what happened on 9/11 and why couldn't we stop it. I hope the 9-11 Commission answers those questions, too. But I had to get it off my chest. I had to tell the families of the victims. I had to tell lots of people who have been asking me, "What went wrong? And how, with all of your experience, can you advise us on what mistakes you made personally? Can you advise us not to make those mistakes again, and with that experience, how do you advise us about structuring the government so that we can avoid this kind of thing in the future?" I had to get it off my chest. That's the motivation.

I'd say that's an admirable motivation.

Why I'm paranoid.

March 28, 2004

The Rude Pundit

Imagine if Bill Clinton had walked out at the Radio and Television Correspondents Association dinner, where Presidents traditionally poke fun at themselves, and stuck a cigar in his mouth and said, "Mmmmm, tastes like kosher pussy." Imagine if he had showed slides of himself sitting on a toilet, using legal documents to wipe his ass, and said, "That's where the Rose Law Firm documents went." Imagine if he showed a slide of Al Gore in a blue dress and said, "I told Monica it made Al look fat, but I jacked off on him anyways." Imagine the hue and cry. Imagine the outrage. Tom DeLay would have been burning down the Congress to censure him. If the members of the press had laughed, all anyone would say is how their laughter confirms that the media really is "liberal."

It's been almost a week since this happened, and I'm still struck speechless by it. If I wasn't certain before that the election would be rigged, I'm quite certain now. There is no way that a president in an election year would engage in such tasteless humor unless he knew for sure that it wouldn't effect him in the election. And there's only one way for someone to know for sure that something is not going to effect him in the election.

Friday News Blogging, Part 2

March 26, 2004

LA Weekly: Features: A Taliban-Type Law

What Joe Klaas did not believe in, however, he spells out to the committee as he continues. "As a former prisoner . . . of the Nazis . . . I can say that taking 25 years of somebody's life for committing a nonviolent crime is violence almost on the level with murder."

[Link lifted from this post at Talk Left.]

~~~*~~~*

Ballot Initiatives Hijacked by Corporations

Think of corporate influence peddlers and you might envision distant figures working the halls of Congress and state capitols. But more and more, they roam city halls, municipal offices and even local shopping malls attempting to snuff the growing trend of communities setting limits on corporate activities. Regardless of location, the goal of the corporate lawyers and lobbyists remains the same: to use the enormous wealth of their employers to get what they want. And they're willing to seize the initiative -- the ballot initiative, theoretically the purest form of democracy -- to accomplish their goals.

The bloggers at the No War Blog continue to bring up excellent points, and actually facilitate great dialog in the comments. No War Blog: Krugman on Clarke

On a related front, what disturbs me as well, is that the whole 9/11 commission of inquiry has a militaristic framework. This is not surprising considering that the Bushies hand-picked the group (and yet is still, to its great shame, trying to stonewall the commission). From the preliminary report issued today, one would conclude that the big mistake before 9/11 is that we didn't invade Afghanistan! Jesus H., we've done that, and it doesn't seem to have a huge impact on stopping terror. Fighting terror with terror, is like trying to put out an oil fire with water, or worse, with more oil. But that kind of militaristic mentality is not limited to Bush & Co, but seems to pervade American society.

~~*~~*~~*~~*

Bob Edwards...FIRED?!!

In explaining why Edwards had been given the boot, Stern said it was "about the right sound." What sound is that, Ken? Too loud? Too soft? Too much bass? I always thought that Edwards had just the right "sound" and that, anyway, NPR and "Morning Edition" were not -- to use a Sternism -- about "sound" but about information -- facts and such things. "It's not about Bob," Stern continued with the standard line of any boss who has ever fired anyone, it's about "who are the right people to meet these needs." ?

I'm sorry, but I think I need a better explanation than THAT.

[link courtesy of randomwalks.]

~~*~~*~~*~~*

My list

March 26, 2004

I've taken some time to myself this week to think through what it is that I would require of a relationship. My previous list was good, but it was perhaps a bit too unrealistic...and while I would like to say that I will never get into another relationship again if I can't have all of my needs met, that's just downright selfish. So I am finally articulating the few things that are absolutely necessary for me to consider a serious relationship...seriously.

In no particular order:

• Potential Partner must have a job. Preferably a job which requires useful skills - either marketable or practical. It doesn't have to be a high-paying job, and the Potential Partner does not have to be wealthy by any stretch. I would prefer that the Potential Partner enjoys the chosen career path, or at least finds it tolerable.

• Potential Partner must cherish my children and treat them with patience and kindness. Potential Partner must be willing, if not eager, to spend time with my children (when it's appropriate to do so) and balance their needs with mine. Potential Partner absolutely must not attempt to compete with my children for my affection, time, or resources. (duh)

• Potential Partner must pick up the fucking slack. Potential Partner must offer to help where needed and even more importantly, Potential Parnter must FOLLOW THROUGH when help is offered. I realize that sadness and exhaustion happens...I'm well aware of it because it happens to me, too. But I do not have the fucking option to just opt out of my commitments, and neither should Potential Partner. I simply refuse to allow another person into my life who feels that they can let their problems overtake them to the point where they are no longer capable of functioning, and then expect me to do my share of the work, as well as the share of the work they had committed to taking care of. That shit don't fly around here, and I won't allow it into my life. Also, PP must not expect me to remind about things that PP promised to do. PP must Assume that if services have been volunteered, I have officially removed it from my already hectic to-do list, and I'm assuming it will get done. If PP can't keep track of these things, PP should not volunteer to do them in the first place. HOWEVER, if I do suddenly remember and ask about the progress, PP should not accuse me of "nagging."

• Potential Parter should have good relationships with other friends and extended family, and should include me in those relationships when the relationship becomes serious. Potential Partner should also be willing to hang with the mamas, even if sometimes the conversations become foreign and uncomfortable.

• Potential Partner should have hobbies or talents that take a significant amount of energy. I should not be the only thing that Potential Partner invests time in.

• Potential Partner should understand my need to be alone, and should not become inconsolably insecure when I need to take some time to myself. Likewise, Potential Partner should assert similar needs as warranted, and should not put me in a situation where I'm invading space not clearly demarcated.

• Potential Partner should be able to deal with the fact that I talk way too fucking much (hahahaha). Potential Partner should not pretend to be OK with this, only to indicate otherwise when it seems like it might be a good way to avoid blame for something else. (ummmm. Not that I have any experience with this.)

• Potential Partner should be lefty-radical. Sorry conservey-boys...I just don't think I can deal with the constant conflict. It's too much a part of who I am for me to ignore.

• Potential Partner should approach conflict with the understanding that people are inherently good, and conflicts arise mostly from insecurity and misunderstanding.

• Potential Partner should know that I am not perfect, and that I don't expect perfection from Potential Partner. That any of the above characteristics can't possibly be exhibited by someone at all times, but that all of the above are the characteristics that should be the default mode of operation. That I am also accountable for this, and that I expect to be gently held accountable when I make a mistake...and I expect to be held accountable for being gentle in my interactions with Potential Partner.
  

There. That only took, what? About a year to write? I am still doing research, and might possibly add to this in the future, but this is what come to mind immediately.

Is there anything missing?

P.S. Since the last time I posted about this, I was firmly reminded by someone that I was being bitchy and unrealistic and that I should just accept people as they are and stop being so demanding, I need to add this. I am well aware of the fact that humans are fallible...and that there is no way that someone I love will live up to these qualities at all times. I accept that. I'm actually a pretty patient and tolerant person when it comes to relationships. It could be argued that I've been far more patient and tolerant than might be healthy for me. My purpose in writing this list is to ensure that I have an eye towards what is important to me, as I tend to get knocked on my ass by people - I tend to be easily dazzled and impressed, and I tend to forget myself. This is my reminder. It's also a reminder to myself about how I feel *I* should behave in the context of a relationship.

So, there.

Oh, and...not that I think this matters to anyone, but this list is no indication of my availability. I happen to be very happily in the process of getting to know someone, and I don't want that person or anyone else to feel as though this list is some sort of weird "want ad" for potential partners.

Friday News Blogging, Part 1

March 26, 2004

It's Friday, and I will be adding to these links all day as I surf.

Richard Kahn links to a SF Chron article on Sudden Oak Death

This is a little story with a big meaning for American forests -- the seeds have been sown wide and far for a catastrophic outbreak of sudden oak death, which will take pristine wild oak groves and reduce them to firepits and gnarled stumps. The oak is of course one of our greatest trees, and for those with a more spiritual (or pagan) side, it is holy to druidic and wood nymph types. For the rest of us, it is just a noble species, providing swaths of shade and majesty on summer days the way in which few other trees can match.

I really hope disaffected youth aren't stupid enough to fall for this, but I'm glad there were people there to help confuse the issue. [link courtesy of Tom Tomorrow]

Meanwhile, the dems just get cooler (and richer) one "secret website" at a time. I think commenter Velvet Revolution has it right when s/he says:

Nothing scares the Republicans more than regular people getting involved in the process.

Indeed.

Noam Chomsky has a blog. Wow. [link courtesy of zagg, who also has a brief update about his feelings about some current events.]

Since Zagg mentioned it, spookydoll also posted about Saturday's protests, and the importance of protest in general. And r@d@r posts an impassioned "hell, yeah."

Meanwhile...More Fucking Lies:

[...]once again, the Bush Administration seems to be hallucinating aluminum tubes.

Spring Cleaning

March 26, 2004

I've been busy with my spring cleaning. Nesting, I think it's called...only without the "being pregnant" part. And I haven't been around to blog much, although I have been listening to the news a lot. There has been lots of news.

I've also been refining and adjusting the rhythm with the kids, and we've had a great week. Monk's been spending a lot of time curled up in his chair by the window, reading. Cole's been...POTTY TRAINING. So, it's been mellow, but busy here.

Yesterday was Monk's first baseball practice. I have decided there is absolutely nothing cuter than a little boy in a baseball uniform. He doesn't have the cute little pants, but he has the too-big shirt and the hat, which he thinks is "cool" to wear backwards. I'm so proud of his attitude. He says he caught the ball "sometimes, but when I didn't, I just ran after it and threw it in." This is such a huge thing for Monk, who for so much of his life has refused to do anything that he doesn't immediately do really well. He just marched right on to a team of ball players who have already been playing together for some time, and...practiced. Maybe he will become a professional baseball player, after all.

I am SO PROUD of my little man.

In addition to that, I've been insanely busy at work with a couple of projects, and I might soon be even busier with some contract work. Trainer for hire stuff, which should be good for me. It's always nice to step out of the material that I usually present, and do something completely different with a new audience. It's going to be INSANELY busy around here when that happens, but it will be temporary, and when it's over, I will have a little extra cash in my pocket...which will be very nice...and much-needed.

I didn't talk about the show I saw last Friday, which I fear was so long ago in my feeble memory that I can't properly conjure up a good review. Nor have I talked about the million other things that have been in the news or have popped into my head long enough for me to think "Gah, I really should blog that." Perhaps I'm due for another hiatus, but I had planned to write in my paper journal every night, and can't seem to bring myself to do that. Typing is easier, and I get incredibly lazy by the end of the night and do not want to work on moving the pen across paper.

And tonight is date night with Monk. I am not sure what we are going to be doing, but I'm looking forward to hanging out with my little baseball boy.

I hope your day is going well.

Equinox

March 23, 2004

I can't believe I haven't yet written about our wonderful first day of spring/vernal equinox celebration. Perhaps because it was far more understated than the glorious solstice celebration. Still, it was nice...and the children enjoyed themselves, and we all managed to have some good fun and good food.

Since I invent all of my own holidays by conglomerating my favorite things about other holidays and celebrations...and since L has the kids all day on Saturday, which is the day the vernal equinox actually occurred, we celebrated on Sunday.

Saturday night, the spring fairy came and hid some little things here and there for the kiddos. Books, mostly. Cuisenaire rods, some odds and ends that have ended up in the gift box one way or another. And the sandbox that the spring fairy picked up off the freecycle list. The sandbox was a score. The very definition of score. As well as a few yummy chocolatey things.

So, the kids traipsed about the house, finding hidden treasures, while I lounged a bit, then cleaned up a bit. Then we all enjoyed the nice weather while I listened to NPR and other public radio programs, and busied myself with cleaning up.

At around 1 or so, J arrived. The spring fairy had brought the kids some kites - a cute bat kite for Coley, and a beginner stunt kite for Monk. The plan was to take the kids across the street to fly kites, but first they had fun smashing cascarones all over each other.

Unfortunately, it wasn't quite windy enough to get the kites really up and going. There was some frustration, but we all ended up containing it and having a semi-enjoyable afternoon. I'm kind of struggling with a sometimes overwhelming amount of irritation and frustration with Coley because, well...because he's three and he likes to do a lot of tempter tantrumming and whining and destroying...not to mention a great deal of waking up at 2 in the morning screaming - which doesn't really help me get enough sleep to maintain patience for the rest of the behavior that follows when the day is new. But we sorted things out, and salvaged the day, and came home.

It seemed to click better once we got home. Monk taught J how to roll egg rolls, and they helped Cole do a few, and J fried them up while I prepared the "cosmic" soup (which is creamy corn soup from Sundays at Moosewood coookbook). And so we enjoyed egg roll appetizers and then J and I had some corn soup and the kids played and J read to them and played Stratego with Monk and had fun.

Then at some point, J left...and I put the kids to bed and I think I fell asleep watching Dangerous Liaisons on television and I think this recount of the day would be a lot happier sounding if I wasn't trying to simultaneously write it, keep my nose from dripping copious amounts of snot on the keyboard, clean up a spill and some pee from Coley, make lunch, and battle fatigue all at the same time.

Maybe I should go back to just posting links to news items and other blogs. I just don't have it in me right now to do anything requiring any amount of concentration.

Blah.

Those Urinals

March 23, 2004

That's what the title of the e-mail said, with a link to the article about the piss-in-the-mouth urinals that Virgin Airlines was going to install in the men's executive lounge. After us ladies (and maybe a few men) got all hysterical about it, they thought better of it. Not, however, before doing the whole "We're sorry you feel that way" song and dance, claiming they were amazed at the negative response since the designer of the toilets was, in fact, a woman. There's a post at Trish Wilson's Blog about the female designer's response.

Sigh.

I really just can't muster the words. You know? I'm flashing back to the discussion about sexism and blogging a year ago, and the justification that the editor of the article was a woman and therefore I had no right to raise an objection.

And maybe it all ties in with the hip hop links in my previous post. Because that conversation, too, included a lot of comments about how women need to be the agents of change. Which, yeah, by default perhaps. But women do not just magically manage to avoid being sexist in a world that teaches us to BE sexist from the day we are born. We as women aren't free of that oppression, either. Not only are we fighting against the oppression from outside, we're also fighting it from within - both within ourselves and withing the larger group of people who identify as women.

Gender issues in hip hop

March 23, 2004

The discussion began here, and Jason has a summary of other links. I'm definitely adding lizelle's blog to my links. She rocks. I'd like to add my voice, but the reality is that I don't know enough about hip hop to respond intelligently to conversations like these.

The dialog at those posts is incredible, though. Enlightening, respectful, intelligent, and insightful. I might have something to add at another time. For now, I'm just observing...and pointing you in that direction.

Just Deserts

March 22, 2004

While standing in line at the grocery store yesterday, I noticed what I thought was a huge typographical error in the upper right corner of Time Magazine. Something along the lines of "Martha Stuart gets her just deserts."

I HAD to look it up, so I went to the time site and did a search for "Just Deserts" and was directed here, where I got a little language lesson.

Of course, NOW it makes sense. "DESERVE"..."DESERTS" - makes sense. But I still like to equate justice with a huge slice of tasty pie.

Did I really hear that?

March 22, 2004

I swear this morning on an NPR or local public radio sports report, I heard a newscaster mistakenly refer to the NCAA as the NAACP. Did anyone else hear this, or am I just going insane?

State of War.

March 22, 2004

ZNet | Iraq | Lies!

So let's do a little round-up of first anniversary developments. It looks like the Spanish vote and the decision of the new Spanish prime minister to follow his party's long-term position on the Iraqi war and occupation by withdrawing his country's troops at the end of June (barring a major UN takeover) were a bit like yelling "Fire!" in your classic crowded theater. Fastest to the exit were the Hondurans with 370 troops. ("The decision was announced by Defense Secretary Federico Breve only one day after Honduran President Ricardo Maduro said the troops would stay. Breve said the Honduran decision 'coincides with the decision of the prime minister elect of the Spanish government.'" {Los Angeles Times, 3/17/04) It is rumored that El Salvador and Guatemala may soon follow suit. Next came the Dutch. The opposition Labor Party called last Tuesday for a July withdrawal of their contingent of troops (while a Dutch civilian died in ambush in Baghdad this week). When Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende met with President Bush later in the week, he refused in person to commit his country's troops beyond July. Almost immediately, the South Koreans rushed for the doors, announcing that they would not, as had been planned, send several thousand troops to the northern city of Kirkuk, a flashpoint of Kurdish desire (Hans Greimel, AP, 3/19/04). They are, claimed the government, looking for a new, safer place to put their troops. (Is there an offshore island around?) The Polish President Aleksander Kwasniewski, the staunchest of staunch "coalition" allies, promptly claimed his country had been hoodwinked -- the actual word he used was "misled" -- on Iraq's weapons of mass destruction. (Monika Scislowska, AP, 3/18/04) (What his government was really hoodwinked on was its share of the spoils of Iraq's "reconstruction" and this may be but a warning shot across the bow of the all-American reconstruction effort.)

The German Foreign Minister Joschka Fischer promptly announced that NATO was far too overstretched to consider future deployment to Iraq. While that truly staunch, if seldom noticed, coalition ally Prime Minister John Howard of Australia began to publicly fret about how developments in Iraq would affect his election prospects next year. And so it went among the "allies."

liberty?

March 22, 2004

No War Blog: Empire and Iraq (again)

As Donald Rumsfeld said recently, in a stupendously patronising speech: 'The secretary compared the impossibility to pinpoint an end date for troops in Iraq to that of teaching a youngster how to ride a bicycle. "They're learning, and you're running down the street holding onto the back of the bike seat," he said. "You know that if you take your hand off, they could fall, so you take a finger off and then two fingers, and pretty soon you're just barely touching it. (Leaving Iraq) will be like that. You can't know when you're running down the street how many steps you're going to have to take. We can't know that, but we're off to a good start." '

The corollary of this of course is that the Iraqis are children who must be watched in case they ride their bicycles somewhere that we, as paternal guardians, know might not be good for them. Then of course we must control, and, if necessary, chastise them (perhaps restricting democratic control in the current constitution is the equivalent of fitting stabilisers).

Thus one of the world's youngest civilisations talks to one of the world's oldest.

Friends

March 19, 2004

I KNEW there was a reason why I love Lorraine and Adam so much. This is part of it. hahahahahahaha.

Am I just overly cranky this morning?

March 18, 2004

Or is anyone else sick and fucking tired of the implied assumption that "VIP"s are, by default, men?

For an airline that has open mouths in the bathrooms, one would expect unconventional designs in the lounge areas. Instead of walls (who needs them?) there’s a free standing waterfall that pours out of the ceiling. It drains into a 100-foot pool that doubles as the wall of the lounge (why not?). The result: one exterior wall is the reflecting pool; the other is a triple height ceiling out on to the terminal. VIPs don’t have to mingle with the riff-raff (who would no doubt be milling by the urinals anyway), the Red Room is their special space. Like the cigar girls of the 1940’s, Virgin staff roam the clubhouse, weaving between pearlescent screens with the Hewlett Packard PC’s in hand to access anything for passengers at any time like reservations or ordering a meal within the clubhouse. And if Paris Hilton brings her laptop in her Louis Vuitton book bag, she can hang out in the WiFi zone to chat about The Simple Life with Nicole Richie.

Granted, they did mention PARIS HILTON, but, you know, that just adds to the fantasy. You know, harried businessman gets to piss in a woman's mouth AND THEN gets to gawk at Paris Hilton geeking out in the lounge.

Gah. I should refrain from reading Trish's blog (from whom I stole the link) first thing in the morning.

A Story by Cole

March 18, 2004

Cole: Mama? Can I tell you a story?
mama (groggily, just waking up): Sure...yeah...tell me a story.
Cole: Once upon a time, I sat in your chair. Then, I peed in your chair. TheEnd.

Saving this link for later

March 17, 2004

ZNet | Foreign Policy | US-Haiti

I don't have time to read it now, but...I feel like I need to add it to my reading list.

Required Reading.

March 17, 2004

randomWalks: Everything you ever wanted to know about offshoring

It'll take me about a million trillion years to read it all, but...DAMN. That's a lot of useful info.

This is so sad

March 17, 2004

Seventh Iraq war veteran kills himself after returning home

WASHINGTON, March 16 (UPI) -- A Colorado-based Army Special Forces soldier back from Iraq shot himself in the head in his front yard Sunday night, according to police -- at least the seventh soldier who has committed suicide after serving there. William Howell, 36, shot himself after following his wife around the yard with a handgun, according to the El Paso County Sheriff's Office. Howell served with the 10th Special Forces group in Iraq and returned to Fort Carson last month, according to the Army. Another soldier who was attached to that unit in Iraq, Staff Sgt. Georg-Andreas Pogany, has claimed that the 10th Special Forces Group ignored him when he sought help with mental problems there, and then charged him with cowardice instead. Pogany, 32, also says the Army is ignoring the side effects of an anti-malaria drug called Lariam he took with the Special Forces, which has been linked to mental problems, aggression and suicides.

[...]The Pentagon says 21 Army suicides have been confirmed in Iraq and Kuwait -- reflecting a suicide rate within the normal range.

I guess that all depends on your definition of "normal."

Oh, wait...I forgot I should be jumping up and down with glee because of this. Yeah. That's RIGHT. Because, you know, I'm so happy to be proven right and all.

Hoo-fucking-ray.

March In Crawford

March 17, 2004

For more information click here.

Um...Uh...Um...

March 17, 2004

MoveOn.org: Democracy in Action

You have to watch it. Wow.

[full transcript of the Rumsfeld Face the Nation interview here. Thanks, J. I would say something about his affinity for all things 13 and the possibility that he's the devil, but that would be too obvious, and I don't believe in the devil, anyway.]

Only in Austin, Texas.

March 17, 2004

I'm crossing that crazy intersection over by Flightpath - where 53rd and 51st and Duval all cross over each other every which way. I'm a PEDESTRIAN, and I may be fat, but I have a distinct disadvantage when a car wants to play chicken with me. I look square in the eye of the driver of a truck that is stopping at the stop sign, and begin to cross, pausing to make sure the driver of the truck coming from the other direction is paying enough attention to notice me.

And the asshole I just looked at rolls RIGHT INTO ME. Thankfully, he wasn't accelerating or anything, but the guy freaking gives ME a dirty look, like I had no business walking in a crosswalk.

Ass.

The irony of it is that I got pulled over at that very same intersection last night for allegedly COMPLETELY RUNNING the stop sign. I didn't, but the cop claimed that I had. Thankfully, he got called away on an actual emergency before he could give me a ticket, but I wish he would have been there tonight.

Ass.

Iraq on the Record

March 17, 2004

Must-read material:

This database identifies 237 specific misleading statements about the threat posed by Iraq made by these five officials in 125 public appearances in the time leading up to and after the commencement of hostilities in Iraq. The search options on the left can be used to find statements by any combination of speaker, subject, keyword, or date.

[link via ex-lion tamer]

Brenda Stardom Reports from Portugal

March 17, 2004

Brenda Stardom: PORTUGAL Prepared For TERRORIST Attack?

"While his responsibility for security only extends to its implementation in the stadiums at the finals, Santos and Euro 2004, S.A. have been working closely with the national authorities and the FPF and expect a safe and happy celebration of football. "We hope that security levels do not have to be raised to their maximum, because that is not the image that Portugal has abroad," he told euro2004.com."

The security levels have been raised, but fast enough? I read something like this and shake my head. I was always bothered when I'd read over and over about how Portugal was preparing for security with the focus on hooliganism. Surely they had to be thinking they'd be a target and then there's that continuing talk of threats already been made, but they sure haven't been made public.

There has been a lot of news about the police threatening to strike along with the hotel workers during the games. The police have a real beef, the conditions under which they work make me wonder why they do it, even paying for their own uniforms, using their cellphones, most computers not working. In January this was being reported in taipeitimes.

"Yet less than five months before Portugal and Greece kick off in the opening game, police are voicing concern about what they claim is a sshortage of manpower and delays in deploying promised modern equipment, worth US$20 million and including water canon and new riot gear, to counter hooliganism.

"We haven't enough men for patrols now, never mind at Euro 2004," said Antonio Ramos, president of the Police Union and a beat officer. "We haven't been properly equipped for years."

Let's hope the tragedy in Spain kicked them hard enough to spur some real action.

I notice that Brenda is overlooked a lot whenever people roll out their lists of notable female political bloggers. I think she's amazingly consistent and insightful in her reporting, and more people should read what she has to say.

Spiritual Age

March 17, 2004

Monk just told me that my "spirit" is 3 or 4 and his is "70-something," because:

"When you're a child, your spirit's a grown-up, and when you're a grown-up...a child."

"Who told you this, Monk?"

"No one, I just made it up."

Voting in the face of terrorism

March 17, 2004

Lean Left: Voting in the Face of Terrorism

Terrorist attacks are going to occur around elections. That has long been a staple of terrorist organizations (the ETA, ironically enough, in particular), and there is no reason to think that will change in the immediate future. The question is how do you deal with such attacks when you are in the voting booth? One answer is to make your decision the way you normally would: based on all the evidence that you have at hand, decide what is in your country's best interest. All the information at hand, of course, includes the recent terrorist attack.

[Link via ex-lion tamer, who also writes eloquently on the topic]

Articulation

March 17, 2004

There's something that I have been trying to articulate, unsuccessfully, that is articulated very well in tthis post at Whiskey Bar:

What's missing -- intentionally, I think -- is any acknowledgement of how we got from a place where Le Monde could declare Nous sommes tous Américains, to a place where being seen as a U.S. ally has become a serious political health risk across most of Europe. From day one of the war against Al Qaeda, the Bush administration has treated "old" Europe with a barely (if that) disguised contempt. It refused to give NATO a meaningful role in the war in Afghanistan -- even though such support was offered immediately, and unconditionally, in the aftermath of 9/11. Following the the fall of Kabul, it resisted efforts to expand and internationalize the peacekeeping force, and gave only tepid support to European efforts to strengthen the Karzai government, at the expense of the regional warlords with whom the Pentagon prefers to do business.

All the talk on the right about the Spanish "giving in" to the threat of Al Qaeda ignores these facts and thereby evades responsibility for alienating those whose support is most needed. I don't know how I feel about the war against terrorism in general, only that the strategy used thus far does not seem to be working. Complaining about "appeasement" turns a complex issue into a misleadingly simple one.

Perhaps what we should be taking note of, based on the election in Spain, is not that the Spanish are attempting to "appease" the terrorists, but that the people are no longer willing to allow their government to appease the United States.

[link via Back To Iraq]

Solemn Anniversary

March 17, 2004

Looking back on the year since the start of the war with Iraq, it's important that we credit our leaders for all of the lying, deception, spying, and mishandling of information that led up to the war:

A year after the invasion of Iraq, it is increasingly clear that the pre-war "debate" was a stage-managed manipulation of the American people, aided and abetted by a U.S. press corps that was too timid to ask tough questions when it mattered most. Now, with about 560 U.S. soldiers dead along with uncounted thousands of Iraqis, the Bush administration has entered what might be called its "getaway" period.

For those who want the Clif Notes of that article, there's summary here with a few good links and posts in the comments.

Chauffer for the Revolution

March 17, 2004

OK, maybe that's a tiny exagerration, but I did chauffer the lovely Mr. George to the airport this morning. SXSW seems to have been exceedingly hectic this year for more than just me, but I'll let George tell his own stories. It was nice to see him again, and see him off, and it was also nice to have the external compulsion to wake up early in the morning, early enough so that I had to actively rouse the children.

And now I'm pleasantly sleepy, sipping coffee while Monk plays Tony Hawk and Cole watches.

Speaking of Tony Hawk, this is one of the men that Monk would like for me to marry. This came up yesterday, out of the blue. It was as if it suddenly dawned on Monk that he could potentially benefit from this whole "mom and dad splitting up" thing. He told me that He wants me to marry R.L. Stine, so he will be first to hear about new Goosebumps books. R.L. Stine, or Tony Hawk. Tony Hawk would be cool. Or Bruce Coville.

You get the point.

Hahaha. But, we kind of decided that all of these guys were already married, and, besides, mom might just want to not marry anyone for a long time - maybe not ever. And that's OK too. They will still have their papa and all of our friends who love them like family. I think he was OK with that, too.

Anyway, I'm still kind of groggy, and I just had to clean up the first accident of the day, which was pee AND poop. After having had to clean up dog pee from the floor just minutes before. I"m really hoping it's not going to be one of THOSE days.

Money Issues

March 16, 2004

In spite of what some people in my life like to tell themselves (OK, ONE person) - I don't have money to burn, and I don't spend irresponsibly.

However, I'm currently bringing home about 200 bux a month less than I did last year, due to a payroll schedule change. I am hoping to adjust my budget accordingly, but I'm hemorrhaging a bit right now because of it. I'm a little over 200 dollars short this month and will have to pay my mortgage late, but I think I wil be able to ratchet down spending a bit and make up for it next month or the month after. I have the option of taking an advance on the "extra" paycheck that I will get in July (because we're now getting payed every other week, I will have 3 paychecks in July), and even though I'm going to take a hit in late charges, I'd really rather do what I can to adjust my budget and then use that July money for some extra things that need to get taken care of around here.

Some things I have done/can do in my attempt to save money:

-I'm now doing major grocery shopping every 14 days, and I think it's cutting down on food expense, although I really need to work on eating all of the produce before it goes bad. I'm thinking it would be better to get the major non-perishable groceries every two weeks, and getting produce every week as needed.

-I'm hanging all of my clothes out to dry as the weather allows. It helps that my dryer does not work, and I do not intend to have it repaired.

-Bus. Bus. Walk. Bus. I've been bad about driving lately, but I'm going to be leaving the kids with a friend who lives en route to the bus stop twice a week, and will be able to bus it to work at least that often.

-I'm in desperate need of some summery clothes, but I think I'll just cut off a couple of pairs of pants that I have and buy some new pants in the fall or something. There is basically no need to wear long pants here at all in the summer. I might hit my mom up for some handmedowns. She usually sends lots of stretch pants that make good cut-offs.

-Free Stuff. Freecycle rules. It satisfies my consumer urges and is totally easy on the pocketbook

-I have the opportunity to earn some extra money in the next few months. I am hoping that I can find childcare so I can do it. It will give me a bit of much needed breathing room.

I'm still saving up for the filing of the divorce papers. I had intended to file this month - last paycheck - but I had to pay the bug guy and now it's almost time for the change of seasons again, and there are some supplies that the kids want/need. It would be awfully nice if the other parent would take financial responsibility for his family, but he's too busy telling me that I SHOULD be able to afford to pay for everything to do so. That's OK, though. I hear that there's a 6% interest rate on back child support, and the longer he waits to pay, the more he will owe. He can tell me I'm a spendthrift all he wants, but my bank records disprove that, unless buying food for the family and an occasional treat for myself is considered extravagent. I'm tired of being terrorized by these accusations, though. And I wish he would just do the right thing and help defray some of the expenses related to keeping this household up and running.

Anyway, I veered wildly astray. I wasn't going to post this at all, but I'm always so curious about how people get by, and I figure the best way to find out how other people do it is to talk about what I'm doing and maybe others will join in.

No Media Kings Hosting Services

March 16, 2004

Dunno if anyone is looking for hosting, but I can vouch for Jim as being an all-around cool and trustworthy person. And your money will go to supporting his various ventures, which is double bonus punk points as far as I'm concerned.

I've been running my own server for the last year and a half. Since then, I've slowly been taking on other people on a word-of-mouth basis to the point where I'm hosting a dozen or so websites beyond my own. It's a pretty big responsibility, and I didn't want to take on more than I could handle.

But so far people have seemed to appreciate the reasonable prices and responsive service, and it hasn't eaten into my time too much, so I'm throwing it open to the world at large.

Thank You

March 16, 2004

It seems like every time I comment at or link to Nakachi, I feel the need to simply say thank you.

i have ridden the metro. have watched lovers and grandmothers on those trains. still have my metro schedule. atocha station. have i been there? what did it look like? is that where i bought a wooden fan from a homeless woman, seated on the sidewalk? she sold them for a single euro. i gave her five and the words "para ti" when she tried to give me the change. was that the atocha station? was she selling fans at atocha on thursday when bombs in backpacks told the world "para ti"?

I love you, woman.

Farewell SXSWi...

March 16, 2004

I decided last night that I wasn't going to be attending the final day of SXSW today. There was only one panel that seemed immensely interesting to me, and it seemed a lot of hassle to get childcare and travel downtown for an hour of speaking.

However, what I will miss is the crowd. I can't believe this is so, but it's what I feel this morning, and I'm going with it.

I'm not a very social person. I don't like loud, large groups of people, and I tend to sit by myself in a crowd and silently take everything in. Which is odd because in small groups and one-on-one I'm quite assertive, loud, rancorous, bordering on obnoxious. But I become very subdued in large crowds, and more than a little tired, and sometimes outright nervous. And I am not good at networking.

But I did enjoy sitting in the hall at SXSWi this year and hailing people as they walked by. And I did enjoy lunch with Ana, George, DJ, and my unfailingly sweet and patient J. And I think I enjoyed the crowd and the "commune"ity more than the actual panels, even though the panels were very good.

But it's back to my old Rhythm, and coming up with a new rhythm. I also missed my kids, as I've spent more time away from them these past few days than normal. This morning, Monk came into my little sleeping space and snuggled with me. He told me about his dreams, and we talked a bit. And snuggled. Until Coley woke up, and HAD to be in the middle...and then there was some play-fighting, some tickling, some laughing, and some "elbow of death" action.

The kids have not been watching television while I have been here since the first of March. I think it gets turned on at night. I like it. There have been times when I have seen Monk get bored, and work his way through it. I especially like that it's sitting out and they would only have to turn it on and they'd be watching it...but they don't. It stays off.

I've also been listening to Classical music only during the day. I'm doing a little experiment. I think I'll start recording the results on paper. I'd like to go a stretch of time (after they've completely detoxed from TV) where we don't have any music...and then a stretch where we listen to classical...and then a stretch where we listen to my mishmash of punk and various other weirdness...and see if there are any measurable behavioral differences. It SEEMS LIKE they behave differently when we listen to Classical. Nicer. But there are so many variables - like maybe *I* behave more calmly...and it's hard to say.

At any rate, it's almost spring. Like days from it. I'm hoping spring lasts a long time this year. It's my favorite season, and it's usually painfully short here in Texas. We will celebrate it's arrival on Sunday with the spring fairy leaving presents and school supplies. And we will fly kites. And have fun.

I hope you are enjoying these last few days of winter. Farewell, SXSWI, and all of its far-flung people.

Chilling

March 15, 2004

i'm about to have to go do time at a tradeshow booth, disseminating information about an organization Iam only marginally acquainted with. I don't really want to do it, but I volunteered and I have to honor my commitment.

What I really want to do is wander around aimlessly, listening to music. I am in one of those kind of melancholy moods where I just feel like reflecting, processing, and writing...which I suppose I can do after the booth sitting...but I want to do it NOW.

I've been thinking a lot about the current events in my life and the current events in the world. And how oddly similar that conflict feels. And how easy it has been for me to interact in a healthy way with someone(s) new. And how little difficulty I have had in trusting and loving and being warm.

But how there are feelings that loom. And there is a lot of work to be done.

I've also been thinking about external things. Conversations I have had here about digital divide issues. It's the same old thing over and over again, and it's an overarching topic - way more than can be successfully communicated by the term "digital divide." I've been thinking about literacy. About how it was so natural for Monk to learn to read because of the emphasis placed upon literature in our home...and how coley naturally learned to use a mouse and a computer for the same reason. And how kids are potentially "falling behind" before they even hit elementary school. Whole nations are "falling behind." Whole geographical socio-political areas are "falling behind."

And I'm thinking about Spain, and elections, and bombs, and Terrorism (with a capital T) and about J telling me last night that he was taking a test somewhere on the internet to gauge how easy it would be for him to emigrate to Canada. And I'm thinking of the breadth of possibility and the amount of power it takes to crush that...and wondering whether that kind of power exists and if it does, who has it.

And I'm thinking about people, and sociability, and being brought together for common cause - regardless of differences.

And I'm thinking I wold really like a nice salad, and maybe some pasta, and a cup of Spicy African Peanut Soup from Austin Java Company.

And I'm thinking that guy at the check point looks like Josh Moseley, and I'm wondering what ever happened to him. And I'm thinking about my kiddos...

And after all of this thinking, I still have to trek over to the exhibition hall to work the booth. And I'm thinking I should go put my skirt on so I can look more "business casual-y."

Hope your day is going well.

Pro-or-Anti

March 15, 2004

Aaron makes the semantic argument about pro-versus-anti that I didn't bother to even attempt to make when responding to Michele:

Off the top of my head, little far left me is fighting for reproductive rights. That the right-wingers choose to define this as being anti "the rights of the unborn" is, quite simply, not my fucking problem. I'm fighting for equal rights for gays and lesbians. Again, the right-wingers choose to rephrase this as fighting against the institution of marriage that's served the Thousand Year Reich so very well over the millennia. And again, not my fucking problem.

I would add that it's not difficult to turn a positive into a negative, if you try hard enough. Which is why I don't MIND saying I'm ANTI-war, ANTI-oppression, ANTI-consumerism, ANTI-capitalist. Because I don't mind standing up against any of these institutions. It doesn't make me negative unless someone wants to make a completely rhetorical, semantic argument without expecting, encouraging, or accepting a reasoned response from me.

In other words, you can think I'm negative all you want, but that doesn't make it so.

Fear Mongering and "Winning"

March 15, 2004

According to Michele (and probably according to many other right-wing bloggers, I'm honestly too sickened and afraid to check), the terrorists have won, because the people of Spain democratically chose a leader who opposes the war in Iraq. A socialist leader.

Granted, according to polls, the incumbant party had a comfortable lead prior to the bombings in Madrid. But the pro-war right wants us to believe that by voting against the polls, the people of Spain voted with their fear and now the terrorists will be bombing countries at election time willy-nilly, and they hadn't, up until now, planned to do so.

Of course, what Michele evidently doesn't realize is that the people of Spain are not mindless automatons. They are a sovereign people who have the right to choose their own government. They are a sovereign people of whom a VAST majority disagreed with the administration's approach to the terror war. Perhaps the polls were inaccurate, or perhaps the people of Spain were lulled into complacency by the economic well-being of their nation (which is a problem we Americans, unfortunately, don't share.) Either way, you have to assume that the people of Spain changed their mind for a reason, and calling them cowardly and spouting a bunch of crap about how the terrorists have won and now the Spanish people have doomed us all into a life of fear is no better than bombing trains and buildings. Blaming them for every future attack MIGHT be a good way to get "the coalition" off the hook for it's grave foreign policy errors, but it's dishonest and it's, well...it's terroristic.

You see? Either Spain votes the way we want them to vote, or they are "one of them."

You are either with us or against us.

It's subtle, but it's obvious to me. Just read the comments - if you think that the people of Spain acted reasonably, you are "with the terrorists." What. Utter. Bullshit. I realize that no one is killed in the stating of opinions, but the people who say shit like that are using the terrorist attacks to promote their agenda just as much as the terrorists do.

"SEE!" They say. "SEE WHAT HAPPENS?! If you don't vote the way we want you to vote, you are causing this to happen elsewhere. It's ALL YOUR FAULT. You might as well strap explosives to your body and pay the admission to the nightclub of your choice!"

But it doesn't work that way. Neither side has any way of knowing the motivations of terrorists, unless of course they are working WITH the terrorists. Which, you know, would be black helicopter stuff and completely inadmissable in an internet debate.

Never mind that the ultimate victor of the election is from the socialist party. THAT certainly isn't on the minds of the Right in America. Certainly they have no issues whatsoever with a socialist majority in Spain. No. It's all about TERRORISM, you see?

If they reframe the discussion, they can make it all about TERRORISM, and THEY win.

In fact, it's about sovereignty. It's about choice. It's about approach. And it's about the people of Spain wanting desperately to try a new approach because the old one WASN'T WORKING. Attempting to blame terrorist attacks on people who choose regime change for themselves disproves all of the bullshit lip service paid to wanting the people of Iraq to be free.

And if the terrorists have won, it's because we've wasted our time, money, and energy on a counterproductive battle strategy, and it's absolutely essential for people to feel free to vote without fear of manipulation and retribution from the rest of the world.

I'm home...

March 14, 2004

...and I'm EXHAUSTED...

and these children keep, like, talking to me and stuff.

More later. Must have coffee. And sustenance.

sxsw blog 2

March 14, 2004

I haven't had a single spare moment to blog since yesterday afternoon. I'm sitting in on the Moveon.org keynote, after having heard Molly Ivins do an introduction, after having shared lunch with some awesome sxswers, after having seen two excellent panels on democratizing the internet in some form or another, after having rushed the children off to a friend's house, after having woken up grouchy and freaked out, after having stayed up too late watching "A Beautiful Mind" after having spent some quality time with my sweetie, after having gone to my friend Megan's birthday party, after yesterday's sxsw.

Does that sound like enough activity for you? I don't even want to go into what's forthcoming. I guess you will read about it later.

Hope you are having a good day.

My First Post @ SXSW

March 13, 2004

I'm all wired, and ready to go. Except...I only have about 17 minutes of battery power. I suck. So, I'm putting the laptop away and will whip it out after I have a chance to charge it up somewhere. I have Some Things I Need To Say.

Friday Newsblogging, part 2

March 12, 2004

Also from Tish, If you can't beat them, annoy them into submission:

A few liberals try to censor conservatives, but most opponents of the First Amendment reside on the right.

Unlike Congressional staffers accustomed to the phenomenon of mass letter-writing campaigns, aging editors at old-school print outlets like the Times don't comprehend that they're being fooled and manipulated by fringe interest groups--most of whose members don't even buy their newspaper--into believing these orchestrated correspondence campaigns reflect genuine reader outrage. And so the bullies get their way.

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This year's cry me a fucking river award goes to the idiot republicans who were offended by some rare offhand truth-telling by our evident Democratic presidential nominee:

Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., dueled with President Bush over taxes and the economy Wednesday and then, in an impromptu comment to factory workers in Chicago, called the Republicans ``the most crooked, you know, lying group I've ever seen,'' triggering an angry denunciation from Bush's campaign.

Wednesday night, Bush campaign chairman Marc Racicot called Kerry's statement ``unbecoming of a candidate for the presidency of the United States of America'' and called on Kerry to apologize. ``On the day that Senator Kerry emerged as his party's presumptive nominee, the president called to congratulate him,'' Racicot said. ``That goodwill gesture has been met by attacks and false statements.''

[link from Nurse Ratched]

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Yomama reports on Cesaerean rates in the United States:

The Cesarean epidemic has reached a new apex that calls for urgent reclamation of a women's right to make her own health care decisions. At a recent talk by Henci Goer, author of The Thinking Women's Guide to a Better Birth, she spoke of the rising Cesarean rates in the United States, which are creeping up from one in four women to one in every three women recieving a Cesarean delivery. The World Health Organization reports that there is no justification for a developed country to have a Cesarean rate higher than 10-15%, and both hospital-based and homebirth midwives have Cesarean rates of less than 7-10%.

and links up this disturbing report:

A pregnant woman who allegedly ignored medical warnings to have a Caesarean section to save her twins was charged Thursday with murder after one of the babies was stillborn.

I especially like the EXTREMELY unflattering photo, and the allegation by doctors that the child would have lived had she followed her advice. Evidently, they really DO think they are gods.

UPDATE: there is more on this story at Body and Soul:

Suddenly the narrative shifts a bit. A frightened, mentally ill, pregnant woman, living on Social Security disability benefits, facing eviction, the father of her children gone, went from hospital to hospital looking for help, and no one knew what to do for her or how to reach her. And because of that, she has been in jail for nearly two months and faces murder charges

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More to come...

Friday News Blogging

March 12, 2004

Mark your calendars for the March 20th Global Day of Action:

Momentum is building around the world for the Global Day of Action against War and Occupation on March 20, the one-year anniversary of the U.S. bombing and invasion of Iraq.

On that day, people on every continent will take to the streets to say YES to peace and NO to pre-emptive war and occupation. Joining with growing numbers of military families and soldiers, we will call for an end to the occupation of Iraq and Bush’s militaristic foreign policies, and highlight the linkages between the occupations of Iraq and Palestine. March 20 will be the first time the world's "other superpower," as The New York Times described us, will take center stage since February 15, when more than 15 million people across the globe expressed their opposition to Bush's looming war on Iraq.

You can find out what events are happening in your area here.

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Prometheus6 talks about reBlog:

What is a reBlog? A reBlog facilitates the process of filtering and republishing relevant content from many RSS feeds. reBloggers subscribe to their favorite feeds, preview the content, and select their favorite posts. These posts are automatically published to a Movable Type weblog.

I'm going to have to check it out when I have more time. I still want to do a redesign on my site. Soon. But, like all things that I want to do soon, I need to wait for things to calm down significantly here.

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This:

Powell went on to write the (5-4 majority) opinion in First National Bank of Boston v. Bellotti, a 1978 decision that created a First Amendment “right” for corporations to influence ballot initiatives and other political campaigns. As one writer commented at the time in the American Bar Association Journal, the Court had constructed a “monster—like Dr. Frankenstein's creation” that was likely to trample over democracy. The Bellotti decision is one major reason why corporations now dominate national politics and why companies like Wal-Mart can impose the will of corporate executives on communities around the country.

Undermining democracy can be lucrative for corporations but costly for the rest of us. In the case of Wal-Mart, its legendary low wages don't impact only workers -- many employees end up requiring public assistance despite having jobs, while better-paying competitors are driven out of business. According to a recent University of Southern California study, the spread of Wal-Mart supercenters in southern California could result in $1.4 billion in wage and benefit losses annually.

Kind of makes me wonder about this:

Wal-Mart's founders transformed U.S. business. Now they are taking on a very different subject: the nation's public schools. The Waltons - the USA's richest family - have quietly become top philanthropists in education reform, including controversial charter-school and school-voucher causes.

"Wal-martization of American Children," anyone?

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Booksfree.com: Borrow or Buy Books and Books on CD

[link via Brooke]

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Are we at all surprised?:

But if that crowd is ready-made -- the work force of a small auto parts factory whose owner has received tax breaks from the Republican-run state and town governments, and who employs large numbers of non-English speaking immigrants happy to work for $6 to $9 an hour with few benefits -- why bother?

"I understand him a little bit English," said Nubia Guzman, a packer who said she earns $7.50 an hour after four years on a job that Bush had described in his speech as evidence of the success of his tax cutting economic policies. She has no health coverage.

I should think not. [link via Atrios, where there is, as always, further discussion, some of which (I think one whole comment) is actually worthwhile.]

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Tish links up thisMs. Magazine article in support of Martha Stewart:

This was a bitch hunt.

Martha Stewart, after all, is a woman-you-love-to-hate. Despite her fans, a Gallup poll reported that 55 percent of Americans have an unfavorable opinion of her.

The fact is that there is a reserve of cultural hostility toward powerful women--particularly if their personalities border on arrogance, as many would say Martha's does. Martha was portrayed in court as being haughty, a diva, a snob. One juror noted that she took a tax deduction for her vacation. We wonder; what about all those CEOs who deduct their membership at country clubs like Augusta that discriminate against women?

Juries reflect social prejudices--witness the racial whitewashes of the 60s in the South--and those prejudices fall hard on women who step outside proscribed gender roles.

Imagine a man in Martha Stewart's position. Would Donald Trump be pre-judged guilty for arrogance and conspicuous consumption? Better still, would Martha Stewart be considered decisive and even charming when she says "You're fired!" to a reality show contestant vying for her favor? Hardly.
We're conditioned to not like that sort of power in women. The government prosecutors who decided to make an example of Martha Stewart knew that.

Tish has another link and a bit of commentary here.

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More later as I tend to children, clean the house, and think about the state of the world...

Early Starts, Late Days, And Working

March 12, 2004

Coley has been waking up at around 7:30 on a consistent basis. This means that I have also had to wake up at that hour. Most days, we lounge around in bed for a bit before actually getting up. This means I lay there trying to get some rest and trying to ignore the fact that Coley is pinching my arm with his fingers or attempting to pinch my leg with his toes. When I finally get tired of ignoring this, I get up.

Monk usually wakes up later - closer to 9. And the day begins.

Cole's been struggling...well, we've all been struggling with Cole's aggression. He likes to hit and pinch and spit and bite and otherwise cause trouble. I have had to show Monk how to gently restrain Coley and remove from his hands whatever object he is using to strike, in case I can't get there in time. This phase was hard enough when I just had Monk, but I hadn't even considered how hard it would be with another child in the house as the object of aggression. I know it's something natural, at least for my children, that must be worked through...but it causes strife all day and makes it difficult for me to get anything accomplished. Like a shower.

Still, our days have been fairly peaceful. There has been a great deal of stress here these past few weeks. Frustrating stress, because it is unnecessary and is caused by blind hostility. I feel very much at peace with the end of my marriage, but that feeling doesn't appear to be shared, and it's causing there to be undue bad energy here. Lots of it. And that is probably the biggest understatement in the world, but I don't feel comfortable painting a more descriptive picture at this time.

My time with the kids was extended by a couple of hours this week. While this schedule change interfered with my work schedule, it couldn't be helped. My boss totally understood...and I had extra time with the kids. It was actually really nice. There was no rushing to be done with an activity so I could get the kids home in time for their father. Everything we did felt more relaxed and had a more natural time limit. We did more reading, more cleaning, more playing, and more learning in the time we had. It was very nice. It made me long to be a stay at home mom. I'm sure that longing would be far more intense if I did not have the best job in the world working with the coolest people in the world doing something I really enjoy...but the longing is still there.

This extended time will be shortened by an hour next week, but it will still be longer than it had been. I have a friend who will be watching the kids twice a week so I can get to work by bus at my normal time, and then I will drive to work the two other days of the week. I will still get that relaxed time twice a week, which will be nice, and I will be able to attend and set up meetings on the other two days of the week. It's the perfect compromise.

I'm discovering things. I'm discovering that I have reserves of strength I didn't think I've had. I've been running this marathon for so long, I though I would drop long before this. I haven't, and it doesn't look like I will. I feel like I'm approaching the finish line. I feel some fatigue, but I can't stop now. I'm almost there. I'm almost there. I have had so many awesome coaches, so many wonderful people dousing me with refreshing water along the way, so many people offering nourishment, so many people helping me to quench my thirst. Even though I haven't been running this race by choice, I feel that I have learned so much in the process that the negativity that forced me into it was almost worth it.

But I can't wait to break that tape and collapse in a breathless heap.

A Different W

March 11, 2004

I'm having a difficult time adding any commentary to any of the news articles and editorials that are making my jaw drop today.

A Different W: Move Over NASCAR Dads, the Sex And The City Crowd Could Turn the Election

George W. (is-not-for-woman) Bush will be a tough sell this go-round for moderate women who believed him when he said he was a compassionate conservative. Women know he gave them a bait and switch. He tried to bench those soccer-daughters with an initiative to weaken Title IX. He has dismantled international family planning, even in countries with AIDS epidemics, closed the White House Office on Women's Issues and opened one on faith-based initiatives. That translates into federal dollars going to churches that work against women's rights, most notably in the fundamental right to control their own bodies. The War President is widely expected to tout advances for women in Afghanistan and Iraq as evidence that women should help him get re-elected. Putting aside the debate over whether women in those countries really are better off, the last time I looked, neither group could vote in the USA.

[link courtesy of The Evil Queen Jared]

Crass

March 11, 2004

^^^Living on Less

Crass in many ways were (to use the old cliché) well ahead of their time. The first album, Feeding of the 5000, was very punkish, but it was still pretty innovative, and it packed a relentless punch. Through their subsequent albums, Crass experimented a lot more, always frantically pushing the envelope between punk and noise, and sometimes getting very much into poetry and aural theatrics as well (which were matched onstage, so I hear, by a lot of great performance and graphics -- i.e., backdrops, films, etc.). Their delivery was as angry and oft-times hilarious as almost anyone's, and some of the singing (Eve Libertine's more than Steve Ignorant's) was very good, in its own weird way. Their lyrics were generally remarkable -- I'd quote from them if I had more time, but right now I just don't have time to dig up the better quotes. (Some people I know -- probably Erik, and definitely Mike -- could quote most Crass songs from memory, right off the top of their heads, but I'm not as good at that.) Let's just say that Crass were the most uncompromising anarcho-punks, as well as possibly being the first.

Hey, Richard...if your roommate wants to get rid of those records, I have a turntable here.

Hell, Yeah!

March 11, 2004

)0(Goddess Musings)0(

I'll admit it, when feminists get together to discuss the injustices in this world, we man-bash. Why? Because men are in charge. If men can't handle that fact of reality, they need to get out of the kitchen. I mean, get out of the White House, the boardroom, the bedroom, the editorial board, and on and on. Do we love our men? HELL YEAH! We love our male partners, our brothers, our male friends, our fathers, the men in our lives in general.

Then we get the question - what does feminism do for men? The answer: a whole hell of a lot.

63 Eyes...

March 10, 2004

I just got my mitts all over a treasure trove of 63 eyes releases, thanks to the kind generosity of a fellow internet user/band member. I'm so thrilled! I was just innocently reading an old old copy of Maximum Rock and Roll last week, and I came across a little blurb about them and was reminiscing about the time I saw them play in Chicago at a little club called McGregor's...so I did a google search and found an e-mail address and asked if there were any releases available.

There were. There are. They are truly wonderful, folks. I haven't even listened to these CDs yet, but I know I'm just going to love the shit out of them. I'm waiting until I have some alone time in the car, or perhaps when I have a music listening session with a good friend. Mr. Kind Soul also sent some stuff from his new band, Moon...which I'm sure I will also enjoy. I'll write more about it later, after I get a chance to listen.

I tell you what, there is little that can brighten my day more than receiving great music in the mail. Which is why I really need to send out all of the CD's I owe to people out there. I set a deadline of the Spring Equinox, and that deadline is fast approaching. Anyone who hasn't sent me your address yet should do so. I have the CD's...I have the envelopes...and I think i have enough to pay for postage. I'll be sending out the winter mix and the world's best mix CD to anyone I have addresses for.

PC's that are EC

March 10, 2004

Think Upgrade

According to the study, the manufacturing of one desktop computer and 17-inch CRT (cathode ray tube) monitor requires at least 240 kilograms of fossil fuels, 22 kilograms of chemicals and 1,500 kilograms of water. In terms of weight, the total amount of materials used is about equal to that of a mid-size car.

How Bush Helped My Marriage.

March 10, 2004

TOMPAINE.com - How Bush Helped My Marriage

While feeling guilty about my less-than-perfect marriage a few days ago, I happened to turn on C-SPAN radio. And there was George W. Bush speaking from the Roosevelt Room. I listened to him, and I realized our recent difficulties were not my fault, or my wife's. The problem was much bigger than us. The problem was that thousands miles away from us, 3,200 gay and lesbian couples had married. Those people were undermining what Bush called "the institution of marriage." That meant that our marriage was merely one of many under assault. My wife and I-we were victims.

Public Spaces.

March 10, 2004

This week marked my 2-year anniversary of blogging. I started, like so many, with Blogger, then moved to Surreally, then moved again, then moved again, as well as added a ton of stuff on a different domain.

Blogging has been great, but blogging is not the first place I've written in public spaces.

I started publishing zines when I was 15. Through high school, I published a little poetry magazine called "Lime Green Bulldozers" and shortly after high school, I started publishing a review/editorial zine called "But a Twist of the Lip." I published poetry chapbooks and short stories and tour diaries by John Porcellino, Edward Mycue, Yuri Paradox, Ben Weasel, Lorri Jackson, and many others.

When I moved to Austin, I started publishing a small zine called bAnal Probe. The premise of bAnal Probe was to address political issues using true stories from people of various backgrounds and experiences. I published that zine for many years. The other day, I looked up and saw an image on a t-shirt being sold by a coffee shop in town. It was a simple line drawing of a smiling police officer, and he is saying "Hi, I'm going to kick your ass...and get away with it!" It was an image that was once published in bAnal Probe, but was originally sent to me by, I think, a subversive record label operator in Virginia. Still, it's interesting to see these things in public spaces, and wondering if the person who hung it on the wall got it from one of my publications.

Public spaces.

I feel very strongly that I have a story to tell. We all do. I like to tell mine out loud. It's important to me. I have been telling my story for years and years in public spaces. It's not necessarily egotism but it's definitely not humility that compels me. I think I'm pretty interesting, but I think you are equally interesting. I think we all have stories to tell, and I think we can all learn so much from the stories we allow ourselves to communicate and to hear.

There have been times in my life when I have felt self-conscious about telling my story. There have been times in my life when I have felt like no one would want to listen. There have been times in my life when I have felt like I don't want to share. There have been times in my life when I have felt unsafe. There have been times in my life when I have felt overly-exposed. There have been times in my life when I have focused more on my experiences. There have been times in my life when I have focused more on the experiences of others.

There are also times in my life when I have taken breaks, for whatever reason. Those times have always been of my own volition, and have had no distinctive beginning or end. They have simply happened. Much as the rest of my life simply happens.

Ebb and flow, baby. Ebb. And. Flow.

An Open Letter

March 9, 2004

To whom it may concern,

My time belongs to me, and how I spend my time is no one's concern but those to whom I have pledged my time. I owe you no truth about what I intend to do, or my whereabouts at any given time. It's not your business. If I am due to be at work at a specific time, or if I have the night off from work, or if I am working elsewhere for the night is none of your business. And all of your blustering about what a liar I am does not change this fact. I am not a liar, I simply do not owe you the truth. My time belongs to me.

If you wish to refrain from fulfilling your obligation for fear that I might actually go out and have fun while you are doing so, be my guest. I don't need you as much as you seem to think I do, although the other people involved certainly do. I will not interfere with your fulfillment of your obligation to them, but you need to stop mistaking that as an obligation to me. It is not. That's your crucial misunderstanding in this issue. I expect nothing of you save what you owe to them.

Sincerely,

Drucilla B. Blood

Vagina Monologues, Kite Festival, and other Weekend news

March 8, 2004

K kept referring to the Vagina Monologues as "The Vagina Monocles" - which made us laugh, then cringe, then laugh again. I was so very impressed with the performance put on by the lovely ladies on Saturday night. They were funny, touching, energetic, calm, and informative. I learned all sorts of things about my vagina that I had never thought of before. Well, not really, but it sounds good to say that. Perhaps it's best to say they reminded me of all of the things about my vagina that I never pause to consider. It was a great performance, and I look forward to enjoying whatever future Vagina Monologues I can.

The company was also good. I enjoyed hanging out with K, and her friend S. And the night was definitely a success. I brought my chocolate mint vagina to J after the show, and I'm hoping he enjoys it thoroughly.

Sunday we went to the kite festival. We packed up, loaded up, trekked to the bus stop and did a lot of bussing and walking down to Zilker park, where the sky was filled with kites and the ground was alive with people having fun. The boys got to play in the jumpy things and we all pointed out our favorite kites. I was a little disappointed that there was no air show - or that we missed the air show. The one kite festival I was able to make it out to several years ago had an air show for kites much like those military precision airplane shows. It was amazing, and I hope to witness something like it again someday.

Regardless, we had a good time. I like hanging out with J and the kids...first, because I enjoy his company...and also because really it has been FOREVER since I've had the pleasure of enjoying a day out with the kids with another grown adult who does not also have children to tend to. It makes things so much easier, and way more fun. Although, I do have to admit that I still have the mindset of someone who doesn't have any help, and I tend to get tense and overly restrictive in situations like that. J is helping me to relax, whether he knows it or not. He just very gently and reasonably reminded me, several times, "Hey...we have all day...let's not worry about it." He also carried cole in the backpack for part of the day, which was a task I had a hard time surrendering to him...although when I did, I was relieved that I had.

We walked through campus in between buses, with Coley in the backpack on J's back, and Monk being silly and staminous and walking the whole way on his own (that kid can walk forever, it seems). Monk made fun of me and J thusly: "Mom's in love with you, J...and you are in love with her." I swear we have made no outward indication of such in front of the kids, and I'm not quite sure how to respond to these accusations. I don't want to lie to him, but I don't think I'm quite ready to admit it. I might want to visit with my therapist a few times in the upcoming months to figure out how to approach certain issues with the kids.

Cole had the best line of the outing, however, when I gave him a penny to throw in the fountain and asked him what he was going to wish for. He replied "I wish I could throw this penny in that water!" And he did.

The day ended with a lovely repast of veggie corn dogs, seasoned fries, and veggies. J read a chapter of The Hobbit to Monk. Coley insisted that he was not tired, but fell asleep three pages in, and then Monk agreed to go to bed early after all of that walking and J and I enjoyed some glorious and well-earned grown up time. I like grown up time with J. It's very nice...and a perfect ending to a great day and a nice weekend.

Portrait of a Textile Worker

March 7, 2004

Portrait of a Textile Worker: art quilt project by Terese Agnew:

Portrait of a Textile Worker is a 2- year art project to make visible one worker among millions who make the things we use. I am creating the Portrait entirely out of clothing labels. It will be approximately 8 feet high and 9 feet wide when completed. The National Labor Committee and the Coalition to Abolish Sweatshops will be given posters and prints of the quilt to help with their work to improve sweatshop conditions.

[link courtesy of Robin]

Today...

March 6, 2004

I'm probably going to put some things on my work blog today, as I'll most likely be at work for much of the day. And I might even add stuff to my about page, depending on how much time I have. In case you are surfing by and want to check them out.

Friday newsblogging

March 5, 2004

I'm here at Flightpath with a lovely slice of pecan pie, and my sweetie sends me a link to this article about, er, MEAT tortillas:

Flaquitas are made by turning chicken or fish into paste, then flattening it into a circle. The thin, soupy pancakes then go into the oven and come out as tortillas. Researchers say they can be flavored and colored just like any other food. Testers say they taste great, no matter the flavor.

Unless, of course, you are a vegetarian. It's funny, because when I was living with a bunch of roommates, we used to have a joke about meat milk and veal ice cream, but we never even could have been diabolical enough to conceive of "liquid chicken or fish" batter made into a tortilla. If this pie wasn't so tasty, I'd lose my appetite.

Of course, he redeemed himself by sending this link to the Astronomy Picture of the Day site. I currently have an image of some nebula or other on my desktop, and I think it's a lot more calming than my previous desktop image of a picture of George Bush and the quote "Sometimes when I sleep at night, I think of Hop on Pop."

Um, anyway, I first surfed to the No War Blog, where I was treated to a history lesson about the Sunni and the Shia that I can't even excerpt since it's so lengthy and informative.

Pea linked up the Century Project, and I was intrigued by the images of nudity through the ages:

Century is a chronological series of nude photographic portraits of women from the moment of birth through one hundred years of age.

While the biological continuum is an important part of the project and provides a vital framework for other issues, this is much more than a mere developmental chronicle.

Rumours of Governor Rick Perry's troubles on the homefront appear to have been quashed.

Mark Morford earns himself a gold fucking star with This editorial about the apocalypse Gay Marriage:

"It's anarchy," some guy named Rick Forcier, of the Washington state chapter of the Christian Coalition, actually whined. "We seem to have lost the rule of law. It's very frightening when every community decides what laws they will obey." Why, yes, Rick. It's total anarchy. Just look at all the screaming and the bloodshed and the gunfire. Run and hide, Rick. The gay people in love are coming. And they've got tattoos and funny haircuts and want to get married and celebrate their love and be left alone. Hide the children.

This was -- and still is -- very much the right-wing sentiment. It was almost a guarantee: Same-sex marriage spelled the instantaneous end of all that is good and righteous and edible. Insurrection was imminent, apocalypse nigh. You could see it in their eyes -- they could hardly wait.

[link courtesy of The Evil Queen, Jared]

Meanwhile, will The Real Satan please rise, and accept your government contract:

When Halliburton, the vice president's former firm, received a no-bid contract to do billions of dollars worth of work in Iraq, the public was told that Halliburton got that contract, and that much money, in that way, because in a fast response situation like the one in Iraq, Halliburton was simply the best in the business. Now one Halliburton unit stands accused of over-charging the U.S. taxpayer for millions of dollars and its own internal reviewers are acknowledging that the unit took on work for which it was in fact, ill-suited.

Jeanne D'Arc asks: Is trade going to be an issue in this election? And supplies a plethora of links on the topic.

Prince C, in a post without a link, informs of Mary C. Blige's off-Broadway debut in The exonerated:

"The Exonerated" is about the experiences of people who were on death row, subsequently found innocent, then freed by the state. Producers crafted the play out of true stories collected from 40 people around the country.

"The Exonerated" features a rotating cast of guest storytellers, much like the popular production "The Vagina Monologues." Past cast members have included Alanis Morissette, Mia Farrow and Jeff Goldblum.

Speaking of which, I bought my ticket today for the Vagina Monologues here in Austin.

And while we're at the chronicle, check out this RECOMMENDED show - Steve Arceri is a friend of mind and an even closer personaler friend of Susan (of comments fame) (susan, can I please start linking up your blog?) I wish I could see the show, but alas, I have the two "snot fountains" to tend to.

Remember Plamegate? Thankfully, some people are keeping track of these things. With so many lies and deceptions coming from the pigs in power, I have a hard time recollecting them all.

Some grrrls has left the building.

Atrios proves his mettle by posting 3 words about the result of the Martha Stewart trial, and getting 100+ comments, some of which are actually interesting.

And that's it for me for now. I hope you all enjoy your weekend. I might post something else before I leave here. The pie was delicious, and tonight I'm making potato pancakes and applesauce while my sweetie teaches my brainiac son how to play chess. Tomorrow is Vagina Monologues, and Sunday is the Zilker kite festival.

Oh, Yeah...

March 5, 2004

After weeks of begging, I am happy to announce that I have obtained the holy SXSWi badge. Hooray.

Which circle of eternal damnation is this?

March 5, 2004

Short story: My bedtime was once again delayed by a screaming, temper tantrumming child...and then when that was resolved, a fresh screaming, temper tantrumming child arrived to take his place. I was able to get the second screaming child down, but he woke up just about every hour with some complaint or another, and woke up in the morning screaming some more. I've had enough of yelling children, enough of snot, enough of the three year old hitting everyone with various household objects, enough of "I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A BATH," enough of lack of sleep, enough!

I'm so thankful that today is my alone day. I need it. Desperately. I need to get out of this house and see the rest of the world for a few hours. I need to not talk about it anymore. I need to just visit with a more pleasant reality.

sigh.

Grenier on Gay Marriage

March 4, 2004

I haven't been talking a whole lot about the marriage revolution that is occurring. Not because I don't want to, but because I can't express myself nearly as well as others who are participating in the discussion. David Grenier's post here is so well-written, it's actually intimidating to me as a writer:

Once you get beyond the homophobes, you get the obfuscatory opposition. These people basically are homophobes but they try to pretend they aren't. They can only talk about things by changing the subject. They'll always tell you that the issue isn't actually about the issue, it's about some other issue. For example, "It's not that I'm against black people sitting at the front of the bus, it's that if you say its okay for black people to sit wherever they want, what's to stop them from coming in your house and sitting in bed with your daughter?"

Go, read.

Homeschooling 101

March 4, 2004

This article about Grace Llewellyn gives a pretty accurate idea of the evolution of the more radical elements in the homeschooling movement.

What's apparent, in person and in her writing, is that Llewellyn appeals directly to teenagers. Her language is straightforward and doesn't condescend. Handbook is also an easy-to-follow, chapter-by-chapter guidebook on how to leave school and educate oneself. In Chapter 2, titled "School Is not for Learning," she lays out her basic premise:

Our brains and spirits are the freest things in the universe. Our bodies can live in chains, but our intellects cannot. It's that simple. The mind will be free, or it will be dead. It can be numbed, quieted, and restrained so that it memorizes names of Portuguese explorers and plods through grades 1 to 12. If it is fiercely alive and teamed up with a forgiving spirit, it may find a way to be free even in school and stay awake that way. But these strategies are defenses, not full-fledged learning.

About the same time that Llewellyn published her book, another former teacher was preparing his own arguments against schooling. John Taylor Gatto was named the New York City and New York State Teacher of the Year in 1991, then promptly left his 30-plus-year public school career behind to spread the gospel of homeschooling and school choice. More than anything, he set out to discredit the blind acceptance of mainstream education. He publpublished his first book, Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling, in 1992 and has written three others since then, including The Underground History Of American Education, published in 2001.

"Although it's never occurred to me before, The Teenage Liberation Handbook may well have been part of the battery of compelling arguments which forced me to leave the classroom on July 15, 1991," Gatto wrote in a faxed response to a list of questions I sent him. (He was traveling in the Far East at the time.) "In the 12 years and 2 million miles I've traveled all over the planet since I quit, there's scarcely been a place I've spoken where a chunk of the audience hasn't been affected by Grace."

If John Holt is the stately godfather of the homeschooling movement and Llewellyn a deserving heir, then Gatto is an angry son. Unlike Llewellyn, who published Handbook to little fanfare, Gatto launched his anti-schooling career as the organizer of a Radio City Music Hall rally of alternative- and homeschoolers only months after he left teaching. And in his writing, including a cover essay in the September 2003 issue of Harper's magazine, he tends toward a more adversarial denunciation of schooling. "Now, you needn't have studied marketing to know that there are two groups of people who can always be convinced to consume more than they need to: addicts and children," he writes in Harper's. "School has done a pretty good job of turning our children into addicts, but it has done a spectacular job of turning our children into children."

If you have never read the Teenage Liberation Handbook, I highly recommend it, regardless of your educational choices. It's a beautifully inspiring book that all teenagers and grown-ups who have ever been teenagers should really read.

Blogging Ethics

March 4, 2004

OK, let's go there...since aaron's going all gentle art on us, and there have been a couple of things on his blog of late that have made me think about this topic, most notably his link (or non-link) to Michele's public de-linking (or, more accurately, denouncement) of a BLATANTLY (and disgustingly, I might add) racist blogger, and the ensuing conversation about respect and politics and getting along.

I love that. I do. I love respect and getting along. However, there's respect and getting along, and there's sacrificing respect for the sake of getting along, you know?

So, I'm wondering, what are the ethics of blogging when encountering oppressive language? And by oppressive I don't merely mean a litany of racial slurs. There is plenty of language that is equally oppressive but far less overt.

I ask, because I have seen instances where people I respect (or once respected) have not only engaged in linguistic oppression (which, in the internet, might just as well be out and out oppression) and have not been called out on it. I really have tried to make it a point to point this out as I see it, but it's not always easy, and generally causes a huge stink. But I have a real problem with seeing words like that go unchallenged in this medium, where all things are not equal in spite of what we'd like to believe.

The problem is that oppressive language can sometimes be justified by "political difference" or even defended (falsely, in my opinion) by calling the opponents of the statement "Politically Correct" or by proudly proclaiming itself "Politically INcorrect." And thus derailing a discussion about what's acceptable into an argument about whether the person who initially engaged in the use of oppressive language is actually him or herself BEING oppressed by the so-called "thought police."

Ach. This is very roundabout.

Specifically, as this applies to me, my website here is my space, and I definitely will not allow oppressive language to happen here unchallenged. Including my own. I expect/demand to be challenged when I use oppressive language, and I strive to respond in the spirit of my tagline, assuming that those who point it out are inherently "good" and are striving to help me improve my method of communicating in an inclusive way (this ethic, of course, allows for me to be as angry as I want to be towards people who attempt to carry on oppressive conversations with me, or with people who are acting counter to their inherent goodness - which leaves me a lot of leeway for, you know, being human and stuff. I'm certainly no Pollyana.)

So, of course in my space, I get to make my rules, right? That's not the difficult part.

The difficult part is when you go to the space of someone else. I mean...it might be a LITTLE more clear when you are talking about the direct words of the author of the space, but what about the comments on another person's blog. Just because I feel responsible to interrupt oppression in the comments of my blog, do I have the right to assume that others feel and uphold the same responsibility? Do I have the right to "call out" oppressive language in someone else's space?

I hate to use Michele as an example, because we have had our differences in the past and will no doubt continue to have our differences. She has called my beliefs stupid and wrong-headed and I have done the same of hers. And whatever. But what really gets to me sometimes is not only that I disagree with her words, but I disagree with what I feel is oftentimes rampant linguistic oppression in her comments. People saying things and espousing views that I feel are damaging and counter-productive to the goal of encouraging free speech among those who are in the minority. And it goes uninterrupted, and is sometimes even encouraged. I'm not going to pull up examples, because I think we've all seen examples of this in various locations, and I don't want to pick on Michele any more than I already have.

So, my question is, what is the solution? I see people requesting and demanding more respectful interactions on the internet, but I also see that respect is more than just a two-way street. Our discussions here are not private conversations, so respect on the internet is not only something that requires consciousness of the people participating in the discussion, but also of the people who might be viewing the discussion - both as it happens, and at some point in the future. And I think we do need to be aware/conscious of and respectful towards those silent participants.

What do you think?

Ironically...

March 4, 2004

When I posted my last post, with it's use of the term "feedback loop," I hadn't read this wholearticle about verbal attacks that Aaron linked to. It's really quite good. Not necessarily descriptive of a parent/3-year old child relationship, but I'm certain there are other relationships in my life that would benefit from "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense."

Nobody can carry on a verbal attack alone. It takes two people - one to be the attacker, and one to be the victim. People who use verbal abuse do so because they want the fight or the scene - they want your _attention_ - and they enjoy the havoc they create. When you take the bait in their attacks and go along with their plans, you're not showing them how strong and assertive you are, you are giving them _exactly what they want_. The more you do that, the worse the situation will get. EVERY TIME YOU TAKE THE BAIT IN A VERBAL ATTACK, YOU ARE PARTICIPATING IN A SELF-REINFORCING FEEDBACK LOOP.

Thanks, Aaron.

Cabin Fever & Cranky mama

March 4, 2004

I'm not sure who has a worse case of cabin fever at this point - me or the kids. But this morning we woke up and Monk was STILL really excessively snotty and so we skipped ecology club more out of fear of infecting anyone else with this awful freaking cold than anything else. My afternoon plans involved hanging out with a mama with a new baby, and that seems out of the question, as well.

I've been thinking a lot this week about my parenting. There are things that make me impatient, and I need to be more aware of them and their causes. Last night, for the 5th or 6th night in a row, Coley was trouble at and after bedtime. I know, logically, that this is because he's taking naps during the day and because he's all snotty and coughy at night...but I still get visibly and audibly irritated with him when he insists on staying up and crying and screaming at me. Part of my irritation comes from the fact that, while he is very definitely uncomfortable...I get the feeling that he's embellishing his discomfort just a tad. Still, he's three...and it's dumb for me to get irritated with a three year old for acting like a...three year old, you know?

Plus, it's clear that if I would just stop reacting in an annoyed way to him, he would calm down a lot faster. I feed it. I act irritated, and that makes him feel insecure about my love for him, and he acts even more annoying to make me prove my love. It's constant feedback and one of us has to move the mic away from the amp...um, the ADULT one of us.

So, yeah. It only took me two or three feedback loops last night to do so, but in the meantime I had to endure several sessions of crying and screaming and getting up out of bed, and, at one point, the SHOUTED insistance of "I'M NEVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN!!!!"

Finally I gave in and gave the kid a lavender bath. I slipped him some kidcalm. I spritzed some echinacea into his mouth. I sang him lullabyes. I did all of those things I should have done to foil the feedback loop in the first place. And it worked.

But I have never, in my entire life, ever, been more tempted to just dose the kid with robitussun and have it over with.

To be fair to myself, this is like the 5th night or so of this malady where we all seem to be playing musical beds and no one seems to be getting any sleep and a few times barf has been involved and I'm actually very, very fucking tired, and I keep TRYING to get to bed early, and mr. other parent just fucking leaves as soon as I get here without even attempting to CONSIDER that night time has been pretty rough around here. Heaven forbid HIS precious sleep be interrupted. Of course, I should not even expect any more, since even when he lived here...even when he was already fully awake during night time interruptions, he rarely attended to the children's needs outside of his regularly scheduled hours. And it's this resentment and anger that at least partially feeds my resentment and irritation with the kids when they wake up in the middle of the night. I need to be aware of this. I need to acknowledge where this comes from, that it's not about THEM but about HIM. And I need to move past that and just treat the kids with the loving respect that they deserve, the first time they ask for it, and stop trying to defer that loving respect out of petty anger towards someone else entirely.

But the good news is that at the end of it all, when the bath had been taken and the lullabyes had been sung, I did apologize to Coley for being impatient and bratty with him. And he apologized for keeping me awake (!) which made me apologize again, and explain that he's a kid and that sometimes when kids get sick they get cranky and keep their parents awake longer than their parents really want to be, and that's really OK - that it's my job to deal with that and not his job to apologize for it. And hugs and kisses and "I love you's" were freely administered and Coley went to sleep in the big bed and I crawled back to my little futon in the playroom where I have been sleeping of late because I think I've finally had it with the family bed.

And there they both were at 8 in the morning, snotty, coughing, and ready to play. All is forgiven. All is well. And we begin another day.

Linking Nader Debate

March 3, 2004

Victoria posted a response to some comments in the Nader thread, and zagg respondedhere.

Sorry it took me awhile to link these up.

SXSW

March 3, 2004

I'm still waiting to see if I am getting a comp pass to SXSW interactive. I have gone ahead and checked out the schedule and have posted a request to friends for childcare. It looks like Sunday is the best day, which is kinda sucky, because Sunday is the day I usually have potluck. I think I might be able to still pull off the potluck, but it will be later than usual and I'll just have to make something that I can heat up for dinner. I was thinking of making eggrolls or something, and that would be perfect - I could prep in advance, and then just fry them as people came in, and I have a great recipe for mini eggrolls that are delicious.

I would just cut out early on Sunday and come home, but I want to catch the "Weblogs and Emergent Democracy" panel...and for those of you who are insanely curious, I've listed the panels I would like to attend below:

Saturday, March 13
All in all it looks like many of the panels on Saturday are really applicable to my job, which is good, as I'm hoping that I can count my attendance at SXSW on Saturday as a work day.

The Open Spectrum Revolution (although I don't think I will make it on time to see this whole panel)

Opening Speaker: Brenda Laurel

Small Media to the Rescue

Community Wireless and Information Equity

Sunday
Blogging for Business (this is a work thing, as well. I'd like to hear more about blog applications so I can continue to sell the concept at work)

Blogging, Browsing, and Bandwidth

Sunday Keynote: Zach Exley and Eli Pariser

Edutainment: Consoles in the Classroom One of my workmates is on this panel, and I'd like to show him some support. And I'm also interested in the topic. I might blog about my feelings on this topic in the next post or down the line. I have some things to say about kids falling behind the information curve by preschool.

Weblogs and Emergent Technology

After SXSW: My Second Sunday Potluck

Monday
Blogging and the Law (I don't think I will be going to this, unless I can bring my kids (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA - that's SO funny) because it's at an awkward time and there's nothing else I really want to see surrounding it. So anyone who is going, can you take good notes for me?)

Howard Rheingold's keynote

From 4-6, I will be tabling for our organization. Woot.

Tuesday
Blogging, Journalism, and Politics

Wireless and Grassroots Innovation (not sure if I will make it to this one, but it sounds good)

And I think that's about it. If I can make half of those, I'll consider it a success, considering that amount of childcare juggling I will be doing to get there. But it will be worth it, and I'm looking forward to a good deal of those panels, and it's spring break, so my work schedule allows for a bit more flexibility.

Busted by the love police

March 2, 2004

So, I'm sitting down with Monk, eating lunch. I'm really enjoying this rare chance of having an uninterrupted conversation with my eldest, as my youngest is sleeping off this dreadful cold they have both contracted. We're talking about what we're going to do this week. Tomorrow, we're supposed to have a tour of the Dobie movie theater projection room and then we're supposed to have lunch at a little restaurant at Dobie Mall. That's where we pick things up:

Mama: Do you want me to invite J to have lunch with us tomorrow, if he's free?
Monk: Yeah, OK.
Mama: (most likely with a big, dumb, sappy grin on my face) Yeah, the restaurant we're going to be eating at is a restaurant J and I used to eat at sometimes before you were even born.
Monk: *grins*
Mama: *Grins back* What are you grinning at, buddy?
Monk: Nothing...
Mama: You think J is pretty special to me, don't you?
Monk: I think you're IN LOVE with J! *chants* You're in love with J! You're in love with J!
Mama: What are you? The LOVE police?
Monk: Yes.
Mama: Shit. I am so busted.

Both of us laugh.

Damn, that kid is too freaking smart for his own good. I love him. Maude, do I ever love him.

drooooool

March 2, 2004

You know, Monk seems to be learning math just fine without an extensive amount of expensive props, but this measuring kit makes me absolutely drooly. I think I'm going to need to bring an escort to the teacher supply store when I go to get the cuisenaire rods.

A People's History...For Kids

March 2, 2004

I'm stuck on history. Monk has a grasp of the various eras, thanks to Age of Empires, and he knows a good deal about the Revolutionary War, thanks to Liberty's kids, and he has a great desire to learn and study civilizations...but I'm stuck, because I hate the idea of reading him history texts which explain things from the point of view of the victor (only to later tell him "that's not REALLY how that happened"), and yet I can't yet read him A People's History although I've made him promise me he would allow me to.

Or maybe I can. I haven't actually tried, and it could very well be within his comprehension level.

So, what I'm wanting to do is compile a list of books that explain history through the eyes of the people who lived it. A people's history in picture books and simple chapter books. Even if they are fictionalized. There are a couple of really good books like this that I have stumbled across, and I'll list a few of them here from memory:

• Richard Wright and the Library Card
• The Story of Ruby Bridges
• The Yellow Star: The Legend of King Christian X of Denmark - by Carmen Agra Deed
• Stephen Krensky seems to have a few books that fit into this category. We've read The Printer's Apprentice, and The Iron Dragon Never Sleeps looks interesting, as well...

(note to self: It's almost spring, and it's time for me to "fritter away" some money on spring fairy supplies for the kids. I think I'm going to get monk some cuisenaire rods so I can better explain to him how addition and subtraction works, in addition to some of the books on this list.)

I'd love to compile a long list of books like this so I can build a curriculum out of them. Different eras in world history from varying points of view. If you have any suggestions, let me hear them. I think my first step is creating a time line that we can record different events on as we read about them, because I don't want to be forced to attempt to do things chronologically, but I do want to put things into context as we encounter them. My time line is made out of sentence strips that I purchased from a teacher supply store. i haven't started on it yet, because I can't decide on the increments, and I can't decide on how to use the different colors. I think I might have a timeline for B.C. events - the various prehistoric ages, and a timeline for A.D. events. And I'm going to stretch the timeline around the playroom in our house. Perhaps wrapped more than once, depending on the scale I use.

Anyway, please make suggestions of any books you know of that fall within this category, and I will post the results at the book blog. I'd love it if people would track this post back, and we can get a great deal of suggestions, because I think this would be beneficial to a lot of parents out there who are attempting to give their kids a broader sense of history.

Kiss My Fat Ass, Part 2

March 1, 2004

This is what I've been trying to say for the past 48 hours or so:

My body. My life. My choices. I did not chose being fat. But I have willfully chosen not to be ashamed of being fat. I willfully chose to not obsess about everything I put in my mouth and push my body through an athletic amount of movement. I eat what I want. I move as much as I want. There are days I am not in touch with my body. It's part of the process of being who I am in the world. I make no apologies for who I am in the world.

I love beautiful, healthy, real food. Later today I'll get the box of fruits and veggies that I get every week. Last night I made brownies. I hadn't made brownies in a long time. It was fun. They're good. I enjoyed them. I'll be enjoying them for a few days. Anyone who thinks I shouldn't eat the brownies can kiss my fat ass.

Thanks, Tish. Right fucking on.

Skanktity of Marriage.

March 1, 2004

Trish Wilson's Blog: The Sanctity of Marriage - Food For Thought

Weekend Update

March 1, 2004

I managed to wrest a decent weekend after a week of wrestling. I had a somewhat stressful but comfortable Friday night out with Monk. The kids have both been sick all weekend, so my "date" night with Monk consisted of sitting on the couch and playing x-box games at a friend's house.

Saturday was awesome. I went to work and managed to accomplish quite a bit, which was very nice after a week in which I felt like I was spinning my wheels a lot and not really hitting the road on some projects. We had a scheduling mix-up on Thursday, and I had to scurry about trying to make up for the lack to the class who was patiently waiting, but we pulled it off I think. But Saturday. Saturday was nice.

I have to gush a little bit about J, even though I know it embarrasses him. I was really able to just put all of the week of worry behind me in his presence on Saturday. I had made a vow to not discuss the stress in my household, in spite of the fact that it was on my mind a good deal of the day. I needed to put it OUT of my mind, so I created a verbal fantasy in which the person who is causing me stress does not exist. Every time I was tempted to talk about the person who is causing me stress, I conjured up an image of a friendly, sweet, grandmotherly woman taking care of my children - baking cookies, singing lullabyes, reading stories, and sending them off to bed. It was a very good visualization to use after last week. Instead of focusing on the things in my life that freak me out and cause me stress, I was able to relax and fully focus on J - who seemed to be intent on fully focusing on me. And it was very nice. Being with J is always nice. He always listens no matter what it is that I'm obsessively chattering about, but it's even better when I can allow myself to feel connected to the present, connected to him. Connected to the other people who contribute positively to my life, and to whose lives I strive to contribute positively.

So, we hung out for a bit, kind of relaxing, connecting. Being Together. And then we trekked over to K8's with a stop at Thai Village along the way for food.

Thai Village has the BEST tofu dish EVER. It's Basil Tofu (I think it's Kra Prow?) and it is so very yummy. We got three different entrees to share, and all of them were very tasty. And then we sat at kate's and listened to music and talked, and it was very lovely indeed.

And when I got home, I sent granny on her way and enjoyed a little bit of alone time, reading this book that I would like to talk about later. And then J called, telling me I forgot my computer at his house, and the sweetheart came all the way over here to give it to me even though I KNOW he was tired, so I made him some tea, and we snuggled a bit and then he went home.

I'm leaving out the details. But you get the picture. It's very comfortable. I have angst, but most of that angst is displacement, and I recognize it as such. You know? It's like I'm thinking "What the fuck is this poor man doing coming into my life where he has to clean up all of the crap that was left her by the previous person. Or helping me to clean it up." Sometimes I freak out about not being able to give back what I'm being given, but I know there is a long road stretching in front of me and behind me, and I have gladly given more than I have received at times, and now I'm receiving more than I can give, and things will no doubt balance out in the end. I have to focus on the long run, because if I look at the short run I feel self-conscious and greedy. And there's more I want to say about this when I talk about the book that I just finished, but I can't talk about that now...

I put the TV up in solidarity with some friends of mine. We are going to do no TV for at least the month of March, if not longer. It's become too central in our lives these past few weeks. I'm not going so far as to eliminate computer time, though. I dunno that I used the TV to give myself more computer time, but I sense that I might have less time to write things here without it's occupying presence. Although this morning Monk has been in the bathtub for about 2 hours so far, refusing to get out...so maybe there are other ways for them to entertain themselves for brief or extended periods. Yesterday, there was even an hour or so long stretch where they were BOTH taking naps (because they are sickish) and I was able to finish my book...the one I'm going to talk about later.

Anyway, that was about it for my weekend. Sunday, we lazed around most of the morning blowing our noses and trying to keep the snot to a minimum, and then we had a totally hellish trip to the overcrowded grocery store. Both boys were whining and grouchy and I was trying to get out of there as quickly as I could, but I had to get 2 weeks' worth of groceries and it ended up taking more than an HOUR to do so. We came home and that's when the boys took their naps and I started cooking some soup and reading and cleaning up bit by bit. The boys woke up and I let Monk watch Star Wars on Fox...and then read to coley and they all went to bed, but all night it was musical beds with me starting out in the playroom on the futon and just as I was about to fall asleep, Monk came in upset because he said cole peed on his head and so I cleaned him up and changed his clothes and went in to the bedroom to discover that someone had barfed, so I had to clean that up and then I just laid down on Monk's bed and before I could fall asleep, Coley was in there asking for some water and it was a whole ordeal and what started out as a night in which I had thought I was actually going to get to sleep a bit early ended up with me turning in around 2ish or so. And still there was a lot of sleep struggling and drama and whatnot.

It all makes me laugh internally when I think about the person who is attempting to cause drama in my life, because he assumes that after a certain hour, parenting doesn't really "COUNT" - and I suppose the reason I'm responding so strongly to being called lazy by the fatphobic idiots here is because this person is claiming that I am somehow a "lazy" parent. Um, yeah. OK. When this person can spend ONE fucking night dealing with sick, whiny, barfy children all night long and manage to wake up in the morning, serve breakfast, and take care of things all day long without completely losing his shit, he can then MAYBE attempt to judge me as a parent. Until then, he's just another asshole trying to make himself feel better by attempting to make me feel bad about myself. I do a damn good job here, and if I'm a bit tired in the morning, and if I lay down in the bed every once in awhile, it's because I've been taking care of EVERYTHING for the past 24+ hours.

Gah. You would not believe the bullshit I have had to listen to from this person for the past week. I don't even think I have the energy to repeat it all right now. I'm still firmly ensconced in the grandma fantasy, and I don't wish to unensconce myself at this time. Perhaps later. Not now. I'm resting.

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