Dru Blood - I believe in the inherent goodness of all beings: April 2004 Archives

We had quite a day today. The boys and I got up at around 9 AM, ate breakfast, got dressed, and headed out for the bus stop at 10 to catch the bus downtown. We were ahead of schedule, so there was no hurry. We stopped to look at flowers and watch the bees buzzing and talk about reproduction, bees, beauty. The fact that the pattern on a poppy looks like a big "X" marks the spot. This is homeschooling at its finest. I'm so glad that Monk hasn't figured out that flowers are for hippies.

The boys love love love the bus...and today was a field trip day, so we could pretend it was the magic school bus. We took the number 5, which takes a circuitous route through campus down to Congress, and both boys got to pull the dinger to indicate that our stop was next.

Cole brought his sword and shield, a flashlight, and a little toy Super Grover. I ended up bagging the flashlight and Grover while Cole waved his sword and held his shield up for protection from imaginary monsters.

First stop was Little City, where the boys enjoyed some lemonade and I had an iced coffee. Then we decided to walk up the Eckerd's to see if they had Blue's Clues band-aids (because Blues Clues makes the boo-boos go away faster, I hear) and on the way, we ran across Monk's baseball coach, dressed in civilian businessman clothes. It was wild. Monk was pretty surprised, but I think the coach was even more surprised. I'm not sure if he knows Monk is a homeschooler or not.

Anyway, Eckerd's didn't have the bandages, so we headed back to the Art Museum, which was the location of today's field trip. Monk was to be supervised by E, the mama of triplets, who is just one of my all-time favorite mamas. And when Monk was settled in with his group, I took Coley for a little walk around the block and back over to The Hideout, which is yet another coffee shop downtown.

I got Cole a cookie, sat down at a table with him and started opening it up for him. "Do you want to save some of this for your brother Monk?" "Nope." Just like that. The lady at the next table laughed at that exchange and we shared a conspiratorial grin. Cole can be a gargantuan pain in the ass a lot of the time, but he's ALWAYS just so damn adorable, you know.

I sat about writing some mushy stuff about J in my paper journal while coley devoured his cookie. At one point, a man who I assume is the owner or manager of the Hideout came to sit down with us and asked Coley about his sword and shield. They had a cute little conversation, and coley was all ga-ga over him. Coley really likes men. A lot. I thought it was sweet.

A little while later, owner guy brought Coley a cherry slushee and made a toast with him and his own cherry slushee. It was so sweet. Coley was all in love with this man after that point. He kept looking over by the counter saying softly "Thank you SOOO much...I was SOOOOO thirsty."

Then, abruptly as is Coley's style, it was Time To Go. No way around it. So we got up and I looked for our friend and he was gone. I told the woman at the counter to please thank him again for the slushee. It was such a sweet thing to do. Thanks Hideout guy.

(..how wonderful it feels to just smile at people and enjoy all of the little nice things that people do for each other. I seem to experience it a lot...little exchanges. I watch for them. Smiles from nowhere. Grinning at people who are scowling and having them stop to smile back. It's like a game I play, and I always win. Granted, it's a lot more effective when I have my kids present, but there's nothing at all like walking around with all your love hanging out, grinning like a goddamned fool just to see who might grin back...the coffee shop was playing "every little thing is gonna be alright.")

Ater that, we made our way back the the art museum once again to collect Monk. I watched Cole and a handful of other baby brothers and sisters run back and forth from one end of the entry way to the other. Coley's entire face was cherry red by now, and he was waving his sword around.

Monk enjoyed the field trip, and he made a kaleidascope. We went to Quizno's when it was over, and the kids got sandwiches to bring home on the bus. J called as we were making our way to the bus stop. He wanted me to know that he scored tickets to see The Full Monty tonight.

I held Coley in my lap all the way home, and he fell asleep right before our stop, but woke up and was able to walk home. Then the boys played in the backyard while I took a shower.

I just braided my hair. I'm hoping J doesn't notice that the braids (they are caught up in little buns behind my ears) are totally lopsided. Of course, he seems to like it when they are lopsided, so it might work to my advantage. Whatever that might mean.

I'm tired, but it's a nice tired. The kids are happy. The house is a mess and I won't be here long enough to justify cleaning it up right now. I hope this play is good. I might need some coffee to keep me going.

Posted at 3:44 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Update on Fullbleed.net

April 29, 2004

I got some e-mails from Liz tonight, and I was right about all of the data still being there. The only thing that we need to do now is renew the domain registration and then I'm assuming we will be able to pick up where we left off. I'm not sure WHEN, exactly...but at least I do know that all of the data is intact, and we are cool. I'll be transferring the domain into my name asap so this won't happen again.

Anyone who has a fullbleed blog (and/or anyone who enjoys the fullbleed blogs) is encouraged to make a donation to Liz for all of her generosity and just general cooleness. You can do that by going to surreally.org, clicking on the hosting fund link, and paypaling her some dough.

Thanks!

Posted at 11:41 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Brenda on Helen Thomas

April 29, 2004

Brenda Stardom [ GIVE 'EM HELen THOMAS! ]

Posted at 2:00 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Monk on Plants

April 29, 2004

I had just started a day-to-day homeschool blog when fullbleed.net went down. I was using it to record our daily activities, but maybe it would be better to just record those things here to give people an idea of what homeschooling is all about - and for the sake of only having to log on one place to post this kind of stuff

Let me catch you up by giving you a recap of our week.

Monday is math day, and Monk and I quizzed each other with Brain Quest first Grade Math. We also played the card game War, and worked on a logic puzzle.

Tuesday is Language Arts day, and Monk read and worked some more on his logic puzzle.

Wednesday is usually Fine Arts/Project day, but we had a field trip to the Science Stuff store instead. They had prepared a demonstration which illustrated how laser light is absorbed or reflected by various colors. I thought it was poorly demonstrated, and that the explanation sucked. I also didn't like it that they fed the kids "germs" (made out of jello) out of Petri Dishes. Thankfully, Monk knows better than to eat Jello ("It's made of ANIMALS, mom.") Because, I mean, what a bad idea to teach kids to eat brown and green jiggly stuff out of a petri dish! But then we went to k8's house for an impromptu playgroup and the kids had lots of fun exploring a hollow tree stump in k8's front yard.

Today is Natural Science Day, and we read 2 chapters from the Childcraft volume "Green Kingdom." Monk watered his plants, and we looked up the answer to the question Monk had about why the "touch me not" is called that. Monk also explained the process of photosynthesis by saying that "The leaves need water to produce food, and the roots need food to produce water - and so they make a trade." Which I thought was pretty astute. The book didn't use the term photosynthesis, and I'm not sure if I should teach him that word or not at this point. We did talk about how seeds are made, and I managed to work in a little human reproductive education as well.

Today is supposed to be park day, but I don't feel like going, so we're just going to stay home. I just told Monk that I'd play war with him for awhile, and then I'm probably going to do some more housework and leave Monk to his own devices.

During all of this, Cole generally listens in, or gets hugs and kisses, or colors with his crayons. And I try to read to him a few times a day. Right now, he wants me to play tangrams with him, so I'll probably do that before I play with Monk.

Tonight, I'm thinking Monk and I will write a little essay about what we read about today, to see what he remembers. I'm hoping that before long, Monk will be able to keep track of his own learning activities using a blog or some other written record.

Posted at 1:32 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Monk's advice

April 29, 2004

I'm practicing my whistling, doing the dishes, and Monk comes into the kitchen and says

"I think the way you TUNE it is by putting your tongue different places in your mouth."

So I replied "Are you saying I'm out of tune?"

Monk says "I'm not saying you're out of tune. I'm saying you're improving, but maybe if you moved your tongue around you might be able to tune it up a little better"

It's heartening to hear him offer such delicate criticism in such a positive way. I love that kid.

Posted at 9:56 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Come to think of it...

April 29, 2004

If I could get the upper arm tattoo I've always wanted, I'd probably feel more inspired to wear more sleeveless clothing, as well.

I've always wanted the woodcut tulips from the rites of spring album as an armband. It would be painful as fuck to have all of that black ink laid down, but I think it would look lovely...what do you think?

Posted at 9:43 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Tattoo Lust

April 29, 2004

i got myself a swimsuit yesterday. Actually, got one of those two piece suits that's a sort of long top on top and bikini-ish bottoms. I really want to get some cool board shorts to wear on the bottom, but there's nothing in my size anywhere that I like. Evidently, I'm supposed to want to wear a full-on-freaking dress while swimming...and I just don't. I'm sorry, I don't think wearing a dress in the water disguises the fact that I am fat. It might have about 50 pounds ago or so, but not anymore.

And, looking in the mirror, why would I want to disguise it anyway? There's some belly skin that shows between where the top ends and the bottom begins, and I'm thinking about tattoos. I'm thinking about getting huge flames tattooed all across my belly. Flames, leaping up from my pubic bone to my ribs, bordering the perimeter of the skin that stretched to make room for the babies.

I think if I had flames tattooed on my belly, I'd definitely show it off more. And I think my belly deserves to see more of the outside world.

Posted at 9:32 AM • Comments (6) • TrackBack

Grey and Green Today

April 29, 2004

We're skipping out on ecology club today. Evidently, Monk wants to sleep in, as it's 8:54 and he's still asleep. I feel like climbing back into bed, myself, but I also know that a certain momentum must be reached today, so I will stay awake and pour myself another cup of coffee. Cole is playing Lode Runner, again. This game is going to be put on a high shelf next week. Both kids want to play it whenever they get computer time.

We had a good day yesterday. A great day, actually. There was a homeschool field trip to the Science Stuff store here in Austin. I took Monk and K8's boys and k8 watched cole and her little one while we were out. The boys had fun, and when we went back, they all had fun playing together outside. And I got to talk to K8 and J. Angsting and reassuring about motherhood and all it's trials and travails.

Like I think I've mentioned, I think I've been isolating myself a bit, and not allowing conversations like that to happen so much. I tend to feel like I end up talking too much about the shit that's going down in my life, but I can't seem to stop myself. So my stopgap solution has been to just not talk to anyone, which is ridiculous. So, slowly, I'm learning to have conversations again. I'm teach myself to listen. I'm trying REALLY HARD to not respond from my frame of direct reference because then it ends up being a conversation about the shit that's going down in my life. And it's not so much that anyone has told me they don't want to hear about it anymore (which, of course, I imagine they really don't) it's that I just don't want to talk about it anymore, but for some reason I allow myself to talk about it.

At any rate, it was nice. The kids played and we all had lunch and talked and the kids played and we talked some more. I have a movie watching date with k8 on Saturday and I'm looking forward to it. She's just such a special person. And, it's kind of funny, because I met her at just about the time that all of this shit with L was starting, so she's seen it all..and it's like I've been building (very slowly...very VERY slowly, which is the way I tend to do things with friendships - two steps closer, one step back) this trust and admiration thing with her throughout the disintegration of my relationship with L. Like a tree rising up from the wreckage of a hollowed out skyscraper or something.

J's great, too...I just don't know her as well. We had such great conversations about the wisdom of our children and the difficulties in raising them through all of our bullshit. Being fair. Setting boundaries. And outside the picture window, the children were playing and laughing and enjoying themselves.

I told K8 later that the kids are SO happy. I mean, my kids seem extraordinarily happy these days, as do hers...and I think that says a lot, given what they are going through. Part of the credit goes to their strength and resilience, but sometimes I don't give enough credit to myself and the community in which they are being raised. There are a lot of people who truly, truly love my kids, and whose kids I truly love. And it's warm, and I hope the kids will appreciate that as they get older.

I had to rush out of k8's to get home in time for L to come and watch the kids, and then I went to work...but C was cleaning out the curriculum drawer, so I thought it would be best to go work elsewhere. I ended up at J's after attempting to go to Flightpath and discovering that there was no place to plop myself and all of my stuff down. J looked so tired, so I gave him a backrub until he fell asleep and then sat down in front of my computer to do some work.

I have to admit that I felt kind of proud of myself for getting J to sleep, as he's generally (according to him) a restless sleeper/semi-insomniac. I kept thinking I was going to wake him up by wandering around the apartment. I was listening to Air America Radio on my headset and answering e-mails and time flew by and it was time for me to go and he was STILL asleep. So I left a note, sprayed the air with some lavender/lemon spritz, and tiptoed out of the apartment - being careful not to let the cats out, and locking the door behind me.

When I got home, I put the kids to bed, did a little lower body workout (squats and calf raises and situps) and played the Sims for a bit before turning in.

And today it's grey and green outside. Everything is lush. We might have a day of staying in today, unless I can make an appointment with my lawyer. Monk's still asleep, and I'm on my second cup of coffee.

Posted at 9:22 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Learning how to whistle.

April 27, 2004

The crayon incident was resolved without anyone getting hurt. I simply explained that I didn't want to argue about it any further, and that I was leaving the room to avoid senseless argument, and I went into the bedroom and lay down on the bed, and thought pleasant thoughts until the sounds of cleaning up ceased and was replaced by the sounds of play fighting. Shortly thereafter, Cole came running into the bedroom, screaming "SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME, MAMA SAVE ME."

Do not be alarmed, this happens several thousand times a day. Last night, he was sitting in his papa's lap at Monk's baseball game saying the same thing "Save me, mama! I'm trapped inside a daddy!"

Anyway, Monk followed Coley into the bedroom, and he seemed to be in a better mood. I asked him if the crayons had been cleaned up and he said yes and I pinched his booty gently and told him to please not waste my time arguing about such things - when you make a mess, you clean it up. Period.

That was that. The cool thing about Monk is he gets over things about as quickly as he gets upset by them. Minutes later, we were in the living room together, and he was practicing his whistling. He asked me when I learned to whistle, and I confided that I actually never learned to whistle properly. He set about explaining how to me "Just make a circle with your lips, mom...and blow. But...you gotta remember to keep your tongue on the roof of your mouth."

Holy shit. No one ever told me to put my tongue on the roof of my mouth before! All of these years, I've been doing this improvised form of whistling, not realizing that the answer to all of my whistling questions involved a tongue and the roof of my mouth and their intimate relationship!

So it was that my seven year-old son taught me how to whistle. I'm so thankful to him for this lesson.

I had a bit of a freak out again over the weekend. I think with the divorce process entering its final phase, the thought of no longer being shielded by, while simultaneously living in the shadow of, a failed marriage is causing me to reflect on what I truly want in future relationships - rather than what I DON'T want, which is what I seem to have been doing a lot more frequently lately. I know what I don't want. I don't want what I just experienced. Ever, ever again.

It's frightening to think about what I DO want, though. Much more frightening than defining what I don't want. Much more frightening because it's far more specific. Much more frightening because the thought of getting what I want at this point in my life feels selfish even when it feels deserved.

It's comforting to know that after having lived much of my life relying on "fate" to get me through - making major decisions about what directions to take based on what was present in my life rather than creating options based on what was possible, and seeking out the necessary ingredients - I now have a pretty clear idea of what I actually want my life to look like. I know what I'm willing to sacrifice and what I need to cling to tenaciously.

What's disconcerting is how much of the elements are already in place. Lately, my life has felt scripted in all of the right ways. Part of me wants to surrender to this script - to allow it to play out, and the other part of me is wary about the suspiciously perfect timing of certain events and the presence of certain individuals. Even when I'm laughing, I'm wondering when the tragic plot twist will happen. Certainly there must be some drama, otherwise how are we gonna sell any tickets to this sucker?

Of course, logically I know my life is not a fucking blockbuster movie or box office smash. And while I do know that much of art imitates life, the plot lines of a life are far more complex than can be fully played out in a 2-hour cinema special.

At the same time, there's a theme running through this particular act in my personal broadway production that is familiar and predictable. I know where it's heading. There are many climaxes and turning points to uncover before the tragedy is unveiled. So I'm just going to practice whistling and allow it to unfold before me...and hope that when I reach that last page, I'll have already forgotten that I read ahead, and I will be honestly surpised.

Posted at 2:20 PM • Comments (6) • TrackBack

20 Crayons.

April 27, 2004

My brain is about to explode. I have been trying hard not to listen to Monk complain for the last TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES about the fact that I am insisting that he clean up the 20 crayons that he knocked onto the ground. I hadn't intended for it to be a punishment or the torture that he obviously thinks it is, but for crying out fucking loud - pick up what you spill. It's really simple, and I don't need to hear 50,000 arguments about how I am a fascist for making him do so.

Gah!

Posted at 12:59 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Get Well Soon.

April 26, 2004

Words do not express how very much I loveget your war on. Just when I think I can't hold the rage in any longer, a new one comes out and provides me with a good, hearty, uncomfortable, bile-filled, belly-laugh.

Oh, and the divorce book I got? The one with the forms? The publishers evidently used the same clipart book, because it has one of the phone dudes in the back. Hahahahaha.

UPDATE: th thought of making a "Get your Divorce on" spinoff of "Get Your War On" is making me laugh heartily.

Posted at 10:15 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Happy Monday

April 26, 2004

Well, in addition to everything else, it appears I've lost fullbleed.net. Blah. It looks like Liz at least knows there's a problem, but I'm not sure when she will have time to get around to addressing it or providing me with info on how I need to address it.

I need to upload my banner to the randomwalks.com server...but I'll have to do that later.

Sorry to the fullbleed blogs. More info forthcoming. At least we have that backup, and maybe it will pop back up like surreally.net did.

I should add as a disclaimer that Liz has had some extraordinary difficulties in her life of late, and I have no feelings of animosity or resentment whatsoever towards her. She's doing the best she can, and I appreciate all that she has done. Thanks, Liz.

Posted at 9:52 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

I'm tired

April 25, 2004

I'm tired of telling everyone everything. I'm tired of being an open book. I'm tired of being the strong one. I'm tired of feeling so weak. I'm tired. I'm tired of needing comforting. I'm tired of being comforted. I'm tired of feeling over-exposed. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of never being alone. I'm tired of not being able to trust my instincts. I'm tired of explaining myself. I'm tired of having to guess. I'm tired of opening up. I'm tired of running away. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of feeling unloved. I'm tired of laying down the law. I'm tired of feeling out of place. I'm tired of feeling unworthy. I'm tired of not getting what I deserve. I'm tired. I'm tired of complications. I'm tired of long explanations. I'm tired of the hush that falls over a room. I'm tired of never hearing about anyone ELSE'S problems. I'm tired of no response. I'm tired of my selfishness. I'm tired. I'm tired of sitting still. I'm tired of waiting for things to happen. I'm tired of always being the one who has to talk. I'm tired of being the root of all evil. I'm tired of sharing. I'm tired of not knowing who to trust. I'm tired of being vulnerable. I'm tired of being fragile. I'm tired of waiting to be shared with. I'm tired of feeling angry. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of other people feeling sorry for me. I'm tired of concern. I'm tired of worry. I'm tired.

I'm OK. But I'm so, so, so, so tired. I'm tired, but I can't rest. I'm tired, but I feel like I need constant movement. I'm tired, but if I sit in one place too long without anyone talking, I feel like I need to escape. I'm tired, but I'm restless.

I know this will all be over soon, but right now, I'm just really, really, unbelievably tired.

Posted at 9:57 AM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

Psyche - a laundry line lament

April 23, 2004

I'm really growing tired of this week-long weather psyche out, where it looks like it's on the verge of rain all day, but then every once in awhile the sun breaks out...and it never actually rains, but it seems like it might.

And meanwhile, the laundry stacks up to the ceiling, waiting to be hung out to dry.

I'm thinking of stringing a clothesline in my living room.

Posted at 11:29 AM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

PMS

April 22, 2004

I think I came up with an answer to my PMS conundrum of last week. I think the deal is that I'm not really crazy at any time, I just tend to shift my focus every four weeks. Almost to the day (gosh is it helpful to have archived e-mails and blog posts to use as sort of psychological record-keeping) - I make crazy adjustments and I do tend to examine issues that I've pushed aside all month. But none of those things are invalid (is invalid? none IS invalid, right? Sounds funny.) they are just a shift, though perhaps a drastic one, from my normal day-to-day operations.

I haven't figured out why I get so damned cranky, though. Maybe that has to do with exhaustion...maybe I need to take more iron or something. Or, maybe I just get tired of putting on the cheerful and pleasant act in the face of so much bullshit. That might be it, too.

Posted at 3:59 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Today

April 22, 2004

Today has been difficult. Ever since we had that TV-free month, Coley has pretty much decided he doesn't like television. Which is a really good thing in general, but it becomes a really bad thing when I'm trying to do research and do not wish to be distracted by constant questions and clinging. I love the little guy. I surely do. But I am not very good at multitasking in that way. I can multi-task great when I'm the one choosing what tasks to multi, but when someone else is making demands while I"m trying to stay on task, I get tired and cranky. And the other party gets implacable. And we have trouble.

Thanks to a generous contribution to the divorce fund, I packed up the kiddos today and went to book people, where I got a book about filing for divorce, complete with forms, and I got Monk the next Lemony Snicket book, and coley a pinwheel. The person who paypal-ed the money told me that I should spend the money on something frivolous, and I'm afraid I failed her. But if I have some leftover after bills this month, I might go ahead and buy The Sims Unleashed. That's pretty frivolous. I know the divorce book is like the anti-frivolous, though.

Unfortunately, this book has everything BUT the instructions and paperwork for one very important document that I need to file. I'm all tense about it. I know that I will work on the forms tomorrow and I'm going to get all tense and irritable and I'm probably going to cry. Thankfully, I will be at J's house, and I have a feeling he will make me lay down until I am calm and rested and then he'll help me try again. Hahaha. I'm predicting all of this, and it will still happen exactly this way, even though I'm fully aware of what is going to happen. In spite of my awareness, I will not take the time to relax before diving in...I'll just do it, feel the tension, release it, and try again. And I do have some instructions for the form I'm confused about, just not enought to feel sure of myself.

And, gah. My lawyer is going to look over the stuff before I file it anyway, so it's not like I'm going without a net. I just feel like I need to get it right the first time. This is why I was a straight-A student in high school...and it's also why I spent much of my time in high school throwing textbooks around the room and feeling overly stressed over grades. And it's probably one of the major factors that caused me to decide not to go to college. It's just too stressful for me to do things that others will scrutinize.

At any rate. I have the sniffles, and I'm tired, and I'm cranky, and I just got done insisting...INSISTING that cole watch PBS because, as I told him "I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm cranky, and it's not your fault, but I need some space."

So, I've been thinking all day about how lately I feel like I've been talking a lot on the blog and with others about how BAD of a parent I have been. I think it's time to give myself a break and list five things I do well as a parent. Here we go:

The kids get a hot, healthy lunch almost every day
I'm very patient with Monk when he loses his temper over academic frustration
I tell them I love them and give them hugs several thousand times a day
I apologize when I am grouchy or otherwise unfair to them.
I give them space when they need it, and i try to teach them coping skills (like laying on the bed with the window open and looking at the tree. That's the number one temper tantrum reliever around here these days.)

phew.

OK, I'm going to go lay down for a bit before I have to get ready for work.

Posted at 3:44 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Abbie the cat has a quiz!

April 22, 2004

Abbie The Cat Has A Friend Test.

While you are at Abbie's site, read up on his daring adventure in the great outdoors.

If the person who is behind Abbie's site ever reads this blog, you really MUST e-mail me. I want to know everything about you. Everything. hahahaha.

Posted at 10:23 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

The queen has spoken.

April 22, 2004

I'm sure you are all tired of hearing about how great J is. I'm not tired of talking about it, mind you, but I will spare you all the mushy details.

I will, however, never spare you all the details of my adorable children.

Monk has taken to using the word "monarch" as a verb. As in "Mom, you are monarching me again!" It's been very tempting to threaten him with "I'm going to go all monarch on your ass if you don't straighten up," so I think he's got something there.

He's very into systems of government - or rule - and he thinks he knows the differences, but he really does not. Still, he is learning. And he's taking surveys, too. The other day, one of my mama friends reported that he was polling one of his nine-year-old friends. He surveyed the apartment, and turned to "I" and said "Say, is this a monarchy or a republic?" "I" had no fucking idea what Monk was talking about, so "I"'s mom chimed in with "It's a dictatorship - now go play."

I do like it, though, that Monk considers our house a monarchy. Even though he says it with a scowl on his face. In spite of all of my diatribes about egalitarianism, I kind of dig the idea that, somewhere at least, I am the queen.

Posted at 9:51 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Found this yesterday...

April 22, 2004

Fighting Fat Stigma

Posted at 3:07 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Colors

April 21, 2004

(a laying-in-bed-with-the-window-open-and-a-cool-breeze-blowing conversation)

cole: Four is my favorite color!
mama: Four is your favorite color?
cole: *grin* heh heh.
monk: Cole, your favorite color is YELLOW.
cole: No! My favorite color is PURPLE.
mama: Monk's favorite color is blue.
monk: SKY blue is my favorite color!
cole: My favorite color is DARK blue, because DARK blue can destruct sky blue!

Posted at 12:49 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Is it Wednesday already?

April 21, 2004

And not only that...but it is REALLY already the 21st of April?

It's one of THOSE kinds of weeks, where it feels like I don't quite have my footing yet after the weekend, but I'm being hurled, full-force, into another one. Today, Monk and I will be doing some experiments with boiling water and temperature. Then I might do some painting with Cole this afternoon. Tonight I'm supposed to go to this awards ceremony thing for work, but I'd really rather not go.

There are some things going on here that I'm not sure about. Signs that I'm somewhat familiar with, but am uneasy about. I can't really explain exactly what I'm talking about, but I've alerted the necessary support people and I'm hoping I'm covered. It smeers the green day with grey. The clouds threaten rain, but the sun breaks through them and the birds are still singing.

If I could be any more cryptic than that, I just don't know. Those of you who understand will understand.

Anyway, I'm going to enjoy some time with the kids and hope it rains soon, because in the meantime the humidity is freaking unbearable.

Posted at 9:56 AM • Comments (6) • TrackBack

whoah.

April 20, 2004

Democracy Now! | Did Bush Cut Secret Oil Deal With Saudis Ahead of 2004 Election?

The White House and a top Saudi official are denying allegations that before the invasion of Iraq, the Bush administration made a secret deal with Saudi ambassador Prince Bandar bin Sultan involving oil price fixing ahead of the November presidential elections.

Posted at 12:28 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

The Appointment.

April 20, 2004

So, I had my appointment yesterday. With a lawyer. I was SOOOOO nervous driving up, kinda like the first time I saw a therapist, you know? Not knowing what to expect. I had to call my mom to get a pep talk.

I was referred to this lawyer by a co-worker who is having similar problems to mine. The most important thing about him was that he seemed to have a "pay as you go" policy, which is really what I need. I really want to do the filing and the filling out of paperwork on my own - not just to save money, but also because I have this sense that being involved in the work will make me feel more empowered and will be healing in a sense.

My frustration and difficulty with lawyers has been that I have, on numerous occasions, talked to lawyers here in Austin and have been brushed off or shunned because I don't have the ability to shell out 2 grand for a retainer. They won't see me. I remember the first time I called a law office, trembling, hormonal because I was still pregnant with Cole, at the end of my rope (for the millionth time - and a million more times occurred after that) fairly desperate to get out of the relationship. The secretary answered, flatly, that I wouldn't be able to talk to the lawyer without first offering up my retainer. I said I didn't have that much, and she told me that I should call back when I did. I screamed something into the phone about not being able to afford a divorce, hung up, and cried my eyes out.

This happened with all of the social outreach programs, abuse hotlines, and everyone else I called in an attempt to get help solving the problem. Usually the response was polite, but it was always "I wish I could help you." And frequently it was "Wow, you are fucked" (phrased a bit more gently, but that was the gist.)

When I first went to legal aid in Austin, I felt like it was a losing proposition, but I did it anyway. I was scared shitless, waiting in line, feeling like an idiot while the cafeteria of the middle school filled up with people who couldn't afford legal help to solve their problems. I remember J showed up to give me moral support and that's when I knew he was a keeper. It was such a silent, supportive gesture. I was stunned by it. And then when I got to talk to a legal aid rep, I was told that my solution was as simple as going to the law library and getting a packet for do-it-yourself divorce.

I did this, but the paperwork was so confusing...so I went to the library and found a book about how to fill out the forms. And then...well, all of this stuff piled up and the divorce kept getting pushed back and pushed back. I would much rather be doing and thinking about fun stuff than taking care of The Divorce. It was easy to push it aside. It's depressing to think about it, and I still felt pretty small and helpless about filing withouth legal counsel. L was throwing things in my face that sounded like threats and gave me pause even though I know he's not a credible person.

I can't deny that I've been damaged by my relationship with L. There are lots of ways that damage manifests. I procrastinate more than I used to. I feel stupid when I step outside of the safe little world I've created. I feel small and insignificant a lot of the time. I have difficulty raising issues and speaking up when I feel I'm being treated unfairly. I was so scared I would do something wrong in filling out the paperwork and would have to start all over again. I was also worried about the money.

Then all of the stuff happened with things going missing and several confrontations between myself and L about J, and between J and L occurred, and I just didn't feel that I could put it off any longer. I was on the phone with my mom talking about all of this, and she just said "Look, I'm sending you the money and you need to take care of this." So I called the lawyer and set up an appointment for Monday.

The doors of the law offices were so big, and I felt even smaller. But lawyer guy was friendly seeming and we sat at this gigantic table and talked about the case. He wrote a few notes and gave me one piece of advice: "Ignore him." He told me that when L is talking to me, I should try to conjure up the theme song from Rocky in my brain, which is pretty funny. He also said that I "have been through enough" and that he can work with me on a consultation basis at half of his usual consulting fee. That if I do the paperwork, he will look it over, and I can file it. That he's available for me to call if I need to. Then he told me exactly what paperwork I needed to fill out, waiting patiently while I wrote my notes.

He also sympathized about how difficult it is to find a lawyer in Austin on a shoestring...which was important for me to hear. Everyone I have spoken to about this divorce has acted like it's No Big Deal. Everyone seems to think anyone in the world can just pick up a phone and lawyers will beg you for your business. It's not the case. It just isn't. I'm sorry, but even if I DID have 2000 extra dollars lying around, I can think of about a million things I'd rather spend it on off the top of my head. Most of them are necessities that I can't currently afford. I'm really amazed by how difficult it has been to find a lawyer who understands this, but evidently I have finally found one, and he is going to be someone I refer people to forever and ever for that simple fact. You don't even know the amount of relief I feel. I am still going it on my own, but I do have help, and it's not going to cost me an arm and a leg.

So, I'm on my way. I need to fill out the forms...I need to go to the law library and get some more forms to fill out. I'm hoping to submit the forms by next Monday, and it begins.

*deep breath*

Wish me luck.

Posted at 10:51 AM • Comments (15) • TrackBack

Pea has a question for you...

April 20, 2004

colourfool: April 2004 Archives

Can you separate the personal lives of artists from their work? How would you react if an artist you love and admire suddenly revealled some awful truth about their life?

Posted at 8:50 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Spring Mix

April 19, 2004

The Clash - Straight to Hell
Cranberries - The Icicle Melts
Glorious Din - Circle Star
Camper Van Beethoven - Sweethearts
Nick Cave - Lime-Tree Arbor
Johnny Cash - Green, Green Grass of Home
the Clash - Should I Stay or Should I Go
The Clash - Cheat
Johnny Cash - Jackson
Spearhead - Keep me Lifted
PJ Harvey - The Sky Lit Up
Camper Van Beethoven - One of These Days (live)
Blondie - Rapture
Nick Cave - Rock of Gibralter
Bjork - Isobel
Spearhead - Soulshine
Bjork - Aurora
a Tribe Called Quest - Like it Like That
Spearhead - Stay Human (all the freaky people)
Camper Van Beethoven - Life is Grand

Sound good? e-mail me your address, and I should be able to get you a copy by the end of spring.

Those of you who did not get a winter mix...it was most likely because I never got your address. Even if you have sent me your address in the past, send it again. If anyone feels like they want to donate to the blank CD and/or postage fund, you can click on my paypal link.

Posted at 10:52 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Life is Grand.

April 19, 2004

I need to preface this post by saying, emphatically and greedily, YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM. HE'S MINE. because, you are totally going to be jealous after you read what a great weekend I had with J. Hahaha.

Remember on Friday, when i was all broody and pissy and PMSing and whatnot? I probably wasn't nearly as bad on the blog as I was in person. Miraculously, I was really patient with the kiddos in spite of it, but I was feeling so tense and...upset. And I really did spend much of the day crying into my pillow.

J weathered this well. I mean, he's so even-tempered and patient. And it's not like I was being rude to him or anything, but I was feeling so wishy-washy and out of sorts. It was my night off, so when L got here, I decided to take myself out on a date. I took myself out for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, then i went out for coffee, and I was going to take myself to a movie, too, but I had an idea that I might try to get myself the Camper Van Beethoven CD that I've been jonesing to listen to for the past few weeks.

I always jones for Key Lime Pie at the start of spring. I first heard it one spring day in Chicago. I think my roommates and I had some gift certificates to Reckless Records, and we got Key Lime Pie, Surfer Rosa, Gotta Let this Hen Out...and some other record I don't remember. But Key Lime Pie was my favorite. I listened to it religiously for some time. It just has all of the elements of a perfect album, great lyrics, strings, and thematic unity. I'm a shuffle kinda gal myself, but Key Lime Pie is one of those records you have to listen to from beginning to end. In order. The way it was intended.

Soanyway, thus you have the humble beginnings of my obsession with Key Lime Pie. From that spring day forward, I have had to dig out my tape (that I immediately preserved the LP by making) every spring and listen to it for weeks on end at the first sign of budding green and breasting red.

But this year I had to do it. I had to make the changeover to CD. And I couldn't find the CD anywhere. I realize this might sound hyperbolic, but I think I was suffering from withdrawal from not having heard the strains of "Jack Ruby" coming from my stereo at the start of spring. So I've spent the last two weeks searching for the CD, and Friday I decided it was time to actually go somewhere that might possibly have it.

I went to Waterloo. Marched over to the "C" section in rock music, and SCORE, not only did they have Key Lime Pie...they also had Our Beloved Revolutionary Sweetheart...and they were BOTH on sale.

I immediately called J, to whom I had earlier suggested that it might be best if we just didn't see each other this weekend at all (not due to anything of his doing, which I made clear, but due to the fact that I felt like I was going to be horrible company) and left him a message that said something to the effect of "I just made a purchase which, if shared, will enhance my mood immensely. Call me."

By this time, it was almost 8 PM, and my night was halfway over. I realized that it was possible that J might have made plans and gone out, so I picked up the next DVD in the soprano's second season from the video store and went to my favorite coffee haunt, set myself up with some carrot cake in the back corner, and watched some gangster TV.

Of course, I had my headphones on, so I missed J's call, but when I was done, I called him up. I had a little time, so I went up there to listen to music in the dark for a little while. It was nice. Mood enhanced.

Then on Saturday, we had a great event at work that went better than I had expected. I got a lot of work done. It was a great day, and I went right from work to J's house, where we got our stuff together and went for a nice walk through a wooded area near his house. Then we walked home and hung out for a bit & then we got some yummy food and rented The Sims Bustin' OUt, which we went home to play and had just the best time. I laughed so much on Saturday. J is so hilarious. He's just great. I mean, truly...he's such fantastic company. All traces of my morose mood were pretty much eliminated by the middle of the evening.

Then on Sunday, J came over and hung out with the kids while I cleaned out the car. The plan was for me to clean out the car, and then he was going to borrow it to empty out his storage space and then he was going to vacuum it. Not only did he do that, but he cleaned the outside and filled it up with gas...and then came back here so I could make him dinner.

While he was gone, I made my spring mix...and after dinner and the kids went to bed, we sat and listened to it. It's a great mix. Lots of Camper Van B., The Clash, Spearhead...some other stuff. Bjork. "The Sky Lit Up." It's a good mix.

I know it sounds totally mundane and boring, but it was so fun. It's always fun to be with him. He's just so...easygoing. He listens, he talks, we laugh a lot. We've been dating for about 3 months now? More or less...and the thing is that we just always have a good time together.

So, yeah, that's how I pulled my ass from my head this weekend. Now, it's Monday. I feel totally refreshed and ready for the week. All of the busy stuff at work has passed and I can concentrate on getting some other stuff done. Like the expanded blogging class curriculum, and more networking and marketing for our program. I'm looking forward to going to work.

I'm also looking forward to my appointment this afternoon. So far, the day seems to have flown by. I'm nervous and excited and worried and filled with hopeful anticipation...

I hope you had a good weekend, and I hope your monday is going well.

Camper Van Beethoven
Life Is Grand

And life is grand
And I will say this at the risk of falling from favor
With those of you who have appointed yourselves
To expect us to say something darker

And love is real
And though I realize this is not a deep observation
To those of you who find it necessary
To conceal love or obscure it, as is the fashion

Posted at 10:26 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Silly veterans...

April 18, 2004

Don't they realize that it's the anti-war protestors who are responsible for the low morale of the soldiers in Iraq:

U.S. casualties in the Iraq War are at the highest rate since the Vietnam War. Troop morale has fallen sharply: 72 percent reported recent morale problems. With the long, hot Iraqi summer here, and with tens of thousands of U.S. soldiers forced to stay beyond their enlistments, more morale problems loom on the horizon. As General Powell told President Bush before Bush chose to attack Iraq: "You break it, you own it." The "fever" and "steamroller" led by Vice President Cheney was so hot for war, they ignored the facts and lied. This administration got their war: 10,000 Iraqi deaths, untold thousands more Iraqis injured, nearly 700 U.S. killed, and more than 18,000 medically evacuated. The financial cost is more t han $150 billion, with expectations of $200 billion by the end of the year.

Posted at 7:06 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

French Lessons

April 18, 2004

French lessons: What America can learn about dealing with terrorism

Posted at 5:42 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Roadmap to something other than peace.

April 18, 2004

Just a few links here...you can draw whatever conclusions you wish.

Robert Fisk: Bush Legitimizes Terrorism

Is Saddam Hussein to be re-bottled and put back in charge of Iraq on the basis that his 1990 invasion of Kuwait was "realistic"? Or that his invasion of Iran--when we helped him try to destroy Ayatollah Khomeini's revolution--was "realistic" because he initially attacked only the Arabic-speaking (and thus "Iraqi") parts of Iran? Or, since President Bush now seems to be a history buff, are the Germans to be given back Danzig or the Sudetenland? Or Austria? Or should we perhaps recreate the colonial possessions of the past 100 years? Is it not "realistic" that the French should retake Algeria - or part of Algeria - on the basis that the people all speak French, on the basis that this was once part of the French nation? Or should the British retake Cyprus? Or Aden? Or Egypt? Shouldn't the French be allowed to take back Lebanon and Syria? Why shouldn't the British re-take America and boot out those pesky "terrorists" who oppose the rule of King George's democracy well over 200 years ago?
Because this is what George Bush's lunacy and weakness can lead to. We all have lands that "God" gave us. Didn't Queen Mary die with "Calais" engraved on her heart? Doesn't Spain have a legitimate right to the Netherlands? Or Sweden the right to Norway and Denmark? Every ccolonial power, including Israel can put forward these preposterous demands.

The Sharon-Bush Axis of Occupation

Sharon will give Bush's declining popularity a boost when he helps the US President reframe our current war against the people of Iraq as a struggle against terrorism. For thirty-seven years Israeli governments have used that approach to justify their own occupation of the West Bank and Gaza--and it has worked politically to convince many Israelis to ignore the evidence that it is the occupation that causes the terror and not vice versa.

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | Israeli missile attack kills new Hamas chief

Rantisi's car was hit by missiles in the road outside his home, leaving the vehicle burned out. After the explosion, Israeli helicopters were heard in the area.
He was taken to the hospital critically ill, his body covered in wounds and blood streaming from his head and neck. He was rushed into emergency surgery, but died five minutes after arriving at the hospital.

The attack occurred hours after an Israeli border policeman was killed by a Palestinian suicide bomber at the Erez crossing on the Israeli-Gaza border.

The killing comes at the end of a week of dramatic developments in the Middle East with Israeli leader Ariel Sharon returning from Washington with the unexpectedly wholehearted backing from an electioneering President George W. Bush for his plans to rewrite the road map with even fewer concessions for the Palestinians than before.

Posted at 4:58 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Polls and focus groups.

April 18, 2004

The New York Times > Washington > Political Memo: Bush Takes Strategic No-Remorse Stance

Mr. Bush's advisers said that the president had anticipated the line of inquiry at the news conference.
One adviser said the White House had examined polling and focus group studies in determining that it would be a mistake for Mr. Bush to appear to yield.

Wait...I thought he didn't pay attention to polls and focus groups...

Posted at 4:51 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Not Much I can add to this.

April 18, 2004

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | 'Getting aid past US snipers is impossible'

An elderly woman with a wound to the head was still carrying the white flag she had been holding when she was shot. They were all saying it was American snipers shooting - and we know that the US is using armed marines on rooftops to hold the parts of city they are controlling. The times I have been shot at - once in an ambulance and once on foot trying to deliver medical supplies - it was US snipers in both cases. It is so unacceptable to stop medical aid getting through. They could have just asked to search us.
We saw mainly bullet wounds for the majority of civilians. Families are getting injured when they try to leave the house, trying to escape for Baghdad. A bullet goes astray or it gets them in their house. Then a lot of people are injured from shelling. They get hit by shrapnel that gets into the house.

Posted at 2:32 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

The Purse Incident

April 18, 2004

George posted his take on Blog justice and its discontents as relates to this incident which occured at an "elite" SXSW party.

Not that my opinion matters at this point, but you know...I read the purse thread awhile back, before there were a lot of comments, and I have to admit that I was very uncomfortable with the assumptions that were being made. But I didn't feel like I had enough information to question the assumptions.

I just know that I have had a kneejerk reaction to accuse someone of theft who didn't deserve the accusation, even though all signs seemed to point in that direction. I know that racism is very deeply ingrained in almost everyone, and I know that it's very easy to jump to conclusions and it's probably not a good idea to advertise those conclusions unless you are absolutely sure.

Whether this knowledge applies to this situation is beyond my ken. But some of the comments in that thread, at least, gave me the impression that there were others who would have made accusations based on insufficient evidence. And, while the accusations of racism *might* have been misplaced when it came to Danah, there was unexamined racism all over the thread.

While I do hope that Danah recovers her stolent property, I can't believe that she didn't consider AT ALL the implication of posting pictures of a group of black men at a party who she was accusing of theft. And I can't imagine the posting of such images juxtaposed with the accusation would net her any sort of justice.

And, here's the thing, whether it was racist of Danah or not to post the images...it's the result of the divided nature of the web community that causes these men to "stick out like sore thumbs" at a web event. So many people in the comments were talking about how if it was white men who had done the thievery, they would have been just as determined to bring them to justice seemingly without thinking about all of the prejudice that brought these men in the photos to be accused of the crime in the first place.

If they were white men, would someone have stopped to chat with them at the entrance? Would people have been paying "extra" attention to them? Would someone have remembered walking in on one of them allegedly shuffling through the purse?

These are rhetorical questions, because there is no way of knowing. But pretending like the thread was race-neutral is ignoring the fact that racism exists in our justice system (vigilante or otherwise) and, even though (if Danah's certainty is to be believed) racism might actually help to solve this crime, it can just as easily lead down the other path, allowing innocent people to be blamed or harassed because they happen to be the "wrong" color.

Posted at 10:29 AM • Comments (11) • TrackBack

One thing...

April 17, 2004

I have an unhealthy obsession with The Sopranos.

Posted at 9:15 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

oK, I give up...

April 16, 2004

Lady Crumpet' is the proverbial straw, and this meme is the proverbial camel's back. I think. At any rate, I'm finally going to do the book meme that everyone is doing. Because I'm waiting for part two of my self-inflicted date to be underway.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

Agile as a weasel, Monsieur le Ministre was on top of me: "It is impossible to love Frenchmen and not to hate Germans." (ee cummings - The Enormous Room)

Posted at 6:39 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

3 wishes

April 16, 2004

1. I wish I could spend more than 4 uninterrupted hours, in my own fucking home, alone.

2. I wish I had more time to wander aimlessly around the neighborhood of my own free will, alone.

3. I wish I didn't currently feel like just totally running away from everyone and hiding under a rock...even though I know that if wish #1 could miraculously be granted tonight, I would feel much, much better.

Unfortunately, instead I am forced to wander aimlessly about the city while an individual who is, at best, totally hostile to me gets to hang out in my house.

It's utter bullshit. I'm so so so so so fucking sick and tired of this.

Posted at 4:39 PM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

UPDATE FOR FULLBLEED DOT NET BLOGS

April 16, 2004

J has kindly done a complete backup of the fullbleed blogs as of about half an hour ago. I'm not sure what's going on with the domain or the hosting, so just be aware that if you post anything between now and when I find out, you might lose it if you don't back it up.

I will figure stuff out and let everyone know what's up ASAP. Rest assured that your stuff is backed up right now, thanks to J, and advice from Adam and DJ from randomwalks.

Posted at 4:10 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

The trouble with PMS

April 16, 2004

The trouble with PMS is that it's so fucking difficult to figure out if I'm basically crazy the rest of the month and this is my sane period...or if I'm crazy right now, and the rest of the month I'm sane.

I'm going to go back to bed and hide under the covers some more. Wake me when it's over, lest I do any damage.

Posted at 2:30 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Friday News Blogging, Part 2

April 16, 2004

Hesiod reports on yet another TRAITOR who is offering aid and comfort to the enemy:

"In the end, the Iraqis themselves have to want to rebuild their country more than we do," Zinni said. "But I don't see that right now. I see us doing everything.
"I spent two years in Vietnam, and I've seen this movie before," he said. "They have to be willing to do more or else it is never going to work."

***********************

more to come?

Posted at 11:55 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Friday Newsblogging

April 16, 2004

It's a little late in the week for this, but if you haven't already read the transcripts of the "press conference" and you'd really rather go camping than read them now...critical viewer provides A Busy Person's Guide to the Bush Press Conference:

Since most people don't like to watch an hour of Bush on television (and for some reason I don't mind even though it drives me nuts), I decided to boil down the questions and answers from tonight's press conference in the East Room of the White House to their bare essentials. The questioners (Q:) are not identified. All answers (A:) are (paraphrases) from George W. Bush.

*****************

Don't want reporters to ask follow-up questions? Just become a huge stickler for ONE QUESTION ONLY:

Q I have a question for each of you. General Pace, would you please explain to us what's going on in Najaf and Fallujah in as much detail as you can, and pay particular attention to the negotiations that are ongoing? I'm confused as to what is actually being negotiated. What is it the United States wants to happen there, and what are willing to give up? Is "negotiation" the right word? You say we don't negotiate with terrorists. And, Mr. Secretary, could you please address the question of -- with regard to Sadr, who decided to close the newspaper and announce that there was a warrant out for his arrest before the military actually had a chance to act on that? It seems to me that's sort of broadcasting your intentions beforehand and maybe contributed to some of the troubles that are there now. And if you'd speak in general to the policy of closing newspapers in Iraq. While I understand the rationale for it, it seems to me it's maybe not the best precedent to set for when the new Iraqi government comes in -- SEC. RUMSFELD: Wait a second. You're into your third or fourth question. Q But I think that it's really important --
SEC. RUMSFELD: Yeah, but -- but it's --

Q I mean, it would be lovely if we could boil everything down about Iraq to five or six words, but we just can't.

[...]

Q General Pace, to what extent did the Joint Staff conclude that keeping an additional 20,000 troops in Iraq will stretch an already overtaxed force? The Joint Staff was looking at the implications over the next six months, over the next 12 months. What conclusions did you come to in terms of overtaxing the force?
GEN. PACE: You're asking the right guy. I'm responsible to the Secretary and the Chairman to do that math and to look out one year, two years, three years and make those determinations. And we worked this very, very specifically and very hard over the last couple of days to ensure that as we provided to General Abizaid the forces he needed, that we will be able to continue to provide a like-level force for as long as needed into the future. And what we have concluded is that this allocation of forces is sustainable for as long as we need to.

Q And there's no impact on our commitments in Korea or other parts of the world, and the war on terrorism?

GEN. PACE: We have the capacity, with 2.4 million individuals available to us, active, Guard and Reserve, to handle this ongoing war and anything that I can think of that's on the horizon.

Q And budgetary impact --

SEC. RUMSFELD: Jamie?

Let's -- that's a third.

I'm just kind of furious that none of the other reporters attempted to pick up where the previous reporter left off. That's fucking bullshit. The press is supposed to work for the people, not for their own warped sense of glory.

[link via brenda stardom]

******************

Rahul Mahajan reports on the situation in Fallujah:

AMY GOODMAN: What do you think of the comparisons of Al Sadr to Saddam Hussein?

RAHUL MAHAJAN: Al Sadr is an extremist. His -- there are many people -- obviously, he's going to make sure that women who don't wear their head scarves are abused in public and so on. It's not going to be very pretty. I don't know if it can be as abusive and repressive as Saddam Hussein. I don't know if he can be as repressive as the U.S. occupation, but he's not a good alternative. He's just the alternative that was inevitable to arrive in a country where the United States went in and just deliberately created this impossible situation, taking away a government and putting in nothing with even a shred of legitimacy in its place.

****************

More to come...

Posted at 8:50 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Surreally (dot net) is dead.

April 16, 2004

It looks like surreally dot net was lost yesterday. I'm not sure if it's the hosting or the name that got lost, so I'm hoping once liz gets to a computer again to check her e-mail she can give me instructions on how to go back and rescue the data that was once there.

I'm not sure if fullbleed dot net is in danger of lapsing, as well, so anyone who has a blog on fullbleed should run a backup (export entries) as soon as possible. To do this, click on Import/Export in your Movable type editing menu, scroll down to "export entries," and follow the directions. If you are attached to your template, back that up, as well.

Please leave a comment here if you are able to complete a backup on your own. I will be at a coffee shop tonight trying to back up all of those who do not indicate to me that they have been able to back up on their own. I'll backup data first, then templates...but I don't have a lot of time, so I would love it if all of you could attempt to do it on your own first.

Thanks, and apologies. I have asked liz (in my e-mail) if we need to maybe do a little fund raising to keep the sites up and running. I will keep you posted on what she has to say.

Posted at 7:46 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

stuffed artichokes

April 15, 2004

I just posted my recipe for stuffed artichokes over at full bellies. Enjoy!

Posted at 2:20 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

I really should be doing something else

April 15, 2004

but, since it's going to be one of those non-stop busy days today, I thought I would do an obligatory update just for the heck of it...and maybe in writing this I will come up with something to say. The thing is that Coley is playing SimCity right now (actually, he's busily burning down and starting riots in a premade city while he tears down buildings and builds railroad tracks in their place. The little vandal!) so I feel like I should take advantage of this time, and updating my blog is a valid way to do that, I figure - although doing the dishes might be more valid. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

I just sent out an e-mail to my sweetie defining my motives. We had a little encounter with my ex last night in which he (the ex) felt it was necessary to insist that his presence in the house was inappropriate. Again, the ex insisted that sooner or later J would wise up to "what she's really like" and he'd be so out of there and the kids would be screwed. I think the ex threw in some choice words about how he's worred that I am "playing" J.

The whole thing was a farce, but it got me to really examine my "motives" whatever those might be. And, admittedly, there are some things I have imagined might be a positive result of being in a committed relationship with someone who doesn't have the mindset of a pouty teenager. Things I have allowed myself to fantasize about, but haven't really considered to be reality because it's not in my realm of experience. But last week, I was talking to another single mama friend of mine, and we were talking about how really very convenient it is to have another adult in the house. There's an economy of time that seems to be more adequately achieved when you can coordinate between two schedules, rather than just one. And there's also a fiscal economy that makes things more realistic when there is more than one parent supporting the household. This, of course, is in addition to the other perks of having a true, contributing, lovi