This was the first conversation I had with Aaron on AIM:

Session Start (AIM - lgbdozer:ahawk31361): Tue Aug 27 19:30:43 2002
lgbdozer: Hey, you...
ahawk31361: I didn't do it.
lgbdozer: haha
ahawk31361: In fact, I don't even know what it is.
lgbdozer: a striking resemblance, I'm sure.
lgbdozer: that's ok. I'll think of something.
ahawk31361: no, really, that's ok.
ahawk31361: think happy thoughts.
lgbdozer: I always do.
ahawk31361: Ok, I meant normal person happy.
lgbdozer: you mean, like, not "imagining that everyone i don't like get's obliterated violently and painfully" happy?
ahawk31361: See, I didn't say that. That's all you. But yes.
lgbdozer: am I thinking happy thoughts for any particular reason? Like, is someone undergoing surgery? Or is this just a general request to shut up and be happy?
ahawk31361: Oh, be yourself. By the way, who is this?
lgbdozer: hahaha
lgbdozer: wouldn't you like to know.
ahawk31361: Well, yeah, actually. . .
lgbdozer: oh, ok.
lgbdozer: It's drublood. The slacker.
ahawk31361: Dude!
lgbdozer: chick!
ahawk31361: Er, your AIM isn't on you site is it? As in, I should know these things. . .
lgbdozer: It's been recently put there. This is a new timesuck for me.
ahawk31361: Yeah, don't use this much myself. It is for the young, I think.
lgbdozer: or for the "wanting to blow off work"
ahawk31361: That works, too.
lgbdozer: how old are you, anyway?
ahawk31361: 32. And still carded buying cigarettes.
lgbdozer: haha
lgbdozer: i was asked if I wanted the STUDENT bus pass today.
lgbdozer: LIke, high school stodent.
lgbdozer: er
lgbdozer: student.
ahawk31361: You're not a high school student? I thought, y'know, Texas, two kids. . .
ahawk31361: You're not from Texas, right? So I can say these things?
lgbdozer: Damn. Yr on to me.
lgbdozer: I'm actually just trying to get free stuff from men by talking about my boobies.
ahawk31361: You so wrong. . . Other than Jhonen Vasquez comics, what have you managed to get?
lgbdozer: Oh, you know...fur coats, cars, the house I currently live in...
lgbdozer: It's a charmed life.
ahawk31361: Ooo, Charmed! Isn't that on right after Gilmore Girls?
lgbdozer: Oh, I don't watch tv.
lgbdozer: I'm too busy lounging in my jacuzzi sipping champagne and eating bon bons
ahawk31361: Hmm. No, nothing on your site about ingesting large quantities of drugs recently. Are new entries not showing up again?
lgbdozer: it's the radical red bubblicious.
ahawk31361: And the black tar heroin.
lgbdozer: um.
ahawk31361: Wait, high school student. Crystal meth.
ahawk31361: My bad.
lgbdozer: er
lgbdozer: dude, I'm like STRAIGHT EDGE, dude.
lgbdozer: or, in the words of the immortal crucial youth: "be straight, don't be late, bench your weight, don't masturbate."
ahawk31361: Never trusted those bastards.

And this was the last:

Session Start (AIM - lgbdozer:ahawk31361): Thu Jul 08 08:25:16 2004 ahawk31361: Good morning, starshine. lgbdozer: hey you! ahawk31361: How goes it? lgbdozer: it goes. lgbdozer: blah. ahawk31361: Same here, love. ahawk31361: Only in a quieter, less stressful sort of a way, I think. lgbdozer: ah. lgbdozer: well, yeah. I would hope so, anyway. *** ahawk31361 signed off at Thu Jul 08 09:40:18 2004.

Seriously...someone tell me this isn't true, ok? I'm so ready to just believe that.