Dru Blood - LiveLifeLove
for placement only

DruBlood

Home
Dramatis Personae
Archives
Contact

Feed the Bleed

Full Bleed Fundraiser

Amazon wish list
Cole’s birthday - 10/24
Monk’s birthday - 12/2
Dru’s birthday - 1/5

Search


Syndicate this site (XML)

Archives

April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002

Special thanks

adam host
julie template queen
kd general lusciousness
pea guru

Powered byMovable Type 1.5

« September 2004 | Main | November 2004 »

I'm having a dilemma

October 29, 2004

About Monk's Halloween costume. He's been talking about being a ring wraith for 6 months or so, and I pretty much had all the elements that would make a good ring wraith costume. Elements which include:

Black Hood
Cape
long black socks for his hands
black sweatpants.

So, today, we put on the two first elements, and Monk stood there...with his arms outstretched.

Fuck.

So, now I have to figure out how to break it to him that he just can't be a ring wraith because of something that happened during the war...AND I have to figure out another costume idea that will get him over the misery (and there will be tears. Lots of them.)

Any suggestions?

Posted at 9:25 AM • Comments (11) • TrackBack

I am trying not to judge how much "better" I am

October 29, 2004

based on how I feel first thing in the morning. But, in terms of the recovering phase of this illness, yesterday was by far the worst. At one point in the day, I was visualizing myself checking into a hospital and letting machines take over my bodily functions so I could get some rest.

I think it's mostly the fact that I haven't been eating anything...so yesterday I made it my goal to eat an entire can of lentil soup. It took me all freaking day, but I did it. I even tried to eat a shake about midday in hopes of just increasing my caloric intake so I wasn't so damn tired, but after 10 bites or so, I threw the thing away. Food just tastes too gross right now.

I've never had this problem with an illness before. I feel no nausea, and I am not barfing, but my body has to be FORCED to eat. It seems so...counterproductive. And, the thing is, it took me a good 2-3 days to realize I was "off my food" - so I have a lot of catching up to do. I have some low-calorie healthy food in the house, like that lentil soup...and some high-calorie comfort food that I know I can force myself to eat. And I'm going to set things right over the next few days. Endless oranges, apples, lentils, potatoes, water and tea. And I should probably get myself a multivitamin supplement just to boost things along a bit.

I am really going to appreciate feeling healthy when I feel healthy again. Know what I mean?

The sad thing is that I don't think there is a single pumpkin available for purchase in the entire Austin area at this point. My kids might very well have a Pumpkinless Halloween. I'll keep up the search all weekend, but I'm starting to fear the worst.

Speaking of fearing the worst, the world has turned grey and very scary. Even when the sun does come out, it's eerie. There's a quality to it...I don't know if it comes from being sick. But I'm not liking it. It's so weird waiting for this political apacolypse in the throes of illness...I just want to curl up with my babies and wake up when the world is restored to a more peaceful order.

Posted at 8:12 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Blah.

October 27, 2004

OK, the worst thing thus far about the flu is I have just regained my sense of smell, and I have yet to regain my ability to really clean my kitchen.

It smells like a freaking armpit in this house. And I mean that in a bad way.

Posted at 10:53 PM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Well, I think I'm over the flu...

October 27, 2004

Except I am still fucking exhausted. I no longer feel SICK, but my body just wants to sleep and sleep and sleep.

I feel so bad for my kids, who have been doing a great job of, for the most part, being patient with me as a move at a snail's pace caring for them. Cole has a new toy J brought for his birthday, and tons of videos, and we have fresh fruit in the house, healthy foods...thanks, also, to J.

I feel like a freaking invalid, but at least I have someone taking care of me, and I have about enough energy every day to get out of bed and bring the kids to their papa's...Actually...I've made a circular path between my bed, the kitchen, and the bathroom...doing little things to care for the children every half hour or so, and resting in between. Drinking lots and lots of water, tea, and apple juice. Today, I'm going to attempt to clean some of the dishes.

Gah. This is HARD. I don't think I've ever been this ill in my entire life, and yet I'm not ill feeling. Aside from the cough, which is mildly annoying more than anything else, and the occasional need to blow my nose, and very sporadic headaches...all of the really bad symptoms ended when I got the severe chills early Sunday morning, and had a one-time ride on that old porcelain bus.

I think there's an element here of my body being acutely stressed. My body AND my mind. There's just been too much stress in my life of late...and perhaps this is the way my body is forcing me to just lay down and relax. Pare down my activities to those that are absolutely necessary to sustain everyone (we've had some good conversations, if nothing else!) and allow recovery to happen. I'm off from work until next Wednesday (although I am supposed to work this coming Saturday...I WILL NOT if I am feeling at all tired) and, while I could be cursing the fact that I'm spending yet another vacation sick in bed (which seems to happen to me quite frequently) instead, I think I'll just crawl back under the covers and feel my body healing itself.

And, though I'm not one who would normally get a flu shot anyway, George Bush can suck my left one with his "If you're healthy, don't get a shot" bullshit. I can't even imagine if I was working somewhere where I didn't have any sick or vacation time and time spent off work would mean cash shortage for the month. I don't think I would ever get better. Of course, maybe that's the point. The working class are expendable.

Posted at 10:35 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Birth is a Journey

October 24, 2004

I am holding you within me this tiny, submerged, as I am, in heat. You move, and I break. Only a little. Every night we have this ritual you and I. The water is drawn with lavender and a candle is lit and I lower myself into the bathtub and allow myself to be weak. I allow myself to cry about it all. I allow myself to feel the everything that is compressing me from the outside in. And I hold you in me. I remind you "You are wanted. You are loved. You are necessary." Over and over again until I can't tell if I am reminding you or me.

Birth is a journey from inside to outside, and I prepare myself for this journey by reminding myself of my strength, by surrounding myself with strong people, and by allowing those strong feelings to move through me/you. Each night we have this ritual and I hold you and I hold you and I hold you and I let go, little by little, of him.

Birth is a journey, and I have to remind myself that I am invincible, as I stand with my hands on the bed, alone in my house, awaiting the midwife. Swaying and rocking. She arrives and tells me she loves the way I'm dancing you down. It's the only thing I know how to do. I'm being allowed to listen to my body for the first time in my life. I'm allowing myself to listen, and it's speaking very clearly. It's telling me it is strong and can do this. It's telling me I am strong and I can do this.

Once again I am submerged. I can't remember how I got there. My midwife is busily preparing the birthing bed, reminding me to breathe as she flies through the house and there is someone there singing to me. An outside voice telling me I can do this. Telling me I am strong. And I believe her. And I hold you inside of me, submerged, until I know it is time to let you go.

Now I am on hands and knees on the bed with you, descending. Ascending? It is hard, but I push. I push again. I push again and you are outside of me, begging to be held. Your face is bruised from it's battle, and you are one of the two most beautiful things I have ever seen. The other climbs into bed with us and begins to read to you the book he has memorized for the occasion. As I spill and spill.

Because birth is a journey from inside to outside. And you remind me that when I am most vulnerable, I am also strongest. And you remind me that even fleeting relationships can produce everlasting beauty. And you remind me that joy lurks in the shadows of anguish. And you remind me that I am wanted, I am loved, I am necessary.

Thank you.

For Coley on the fourth anniversary of his birth. The strength of a Sequoia and the soul of a lark.

"I'm glad the ladies came and helped my baby brother to be born, mama." -Monk, the day after Cole's birth.

"Everything is alright. Forever, and forever, and forever..." - Jack Kerouac

Posted at 4:22 AM • Comments (14) • TrackBack

This makes my brain hurt.

October 23, 2004

it's all one thing: What if George W. Bush had been elected president?

[link courtesy of George]

Posted at 9:45 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

I have this friend...

October 23, 2004

...and her son's birthday is about 3 weeks after Coley's. And every year for the past 3 years, I have missed his birthday party due to illness or some other legitimate excuse. And even though it's not at all personal, my friend (who I love in spite of her tendencies to take these things personally) takes this VERY personally.

This year, she moved her son's birthday party up almost a month to today, because for each of the past 2-3 years, there has been bad weather around the time of the birthday party, and they throw a humongous party which pretty much requires that everyone spend time outside. Today is the day BEFORE Coley's birthday. I have been sick all week, and have to work all day today (beginning at around 7:30 AM) and have been coughing all night to the point where I cannot sleep. I KNOW that I'm not going to want to crash a party when I head home at 5 PM, after having spent the entire day attempting to keep my children entertained at work with me (on no sleep).

I guess I'll just stop by on the way home and deliver the card we're making for P, and eat a little something (because we'll need to eat anyway)...but that feels so rude.

This is just one example of how fucking odd my life is lately. I'm swimming in all of these really dumb decisions that I have to make, and I just want to lay down and take a nap. I mean, I was totally not anticipating having to hack up both of my lungs all night long...that's just not the way this illness has been concentrated. Yet, here I am, fully awake for the 3rd or 4th time tonight, unable to stop the coughing. I would TOTALLY take cough medicine if I had any, but I just don't do medication enough to ever have any around the house when I need it. (This, by the way, is one of those micromoments when being a single parent really fucking sucks, because even though when L lived here, he would really never go out in the middle of the night (in the rain) to get me cough medicine...I at least had the option of doing it myself. Multiply this inconvenience by the number of times it occurs in an average week/month/year and you begin to have a lot more sympathy for women who accidentally or on purpose leave their children in the car while they are at work or who leave their children at home alone for periods of time. Yeah, it's not really excusable, but sometimes it's almost understandable.)

So, here I am...exhausted. About to start a killer of a work day (theoretically, I COULD call in sick. But I have the raffle tickets AND I have to open up the site today while my assistant mans our booth at the festival...so, that theory is shot to hell). My house is a mess, and I need to get groceries and clean the whole place up for coley's birthday party on Sunday...and I have tomorrow evening and Sunday morning/afternoon to do that and cook a huge pot of chili. Fuck getting anything else accomplished.

Argh. I'm really tired of being "Problems Girl". It's getting depressing, but the problems and worries are legitimate, so it's not like I can just pretend they don't exist. All I can do is plow through and, well, at least I have vacation time next week. I'll rest then.

UPDATE: I had a conversation with myself in the shower today, and we decided that postponing coley's birthday party 2 weeks, and sleeping in on Sunday and having a cozy family day instead sounds oh, so much nicer. In fact, I think I probably sounded like the "herbal essence" girl when that though struck me initially.

That will give me time to actually plan and bake a special cake...and to clean the house...and r and her kids will be back at that time, so we'll be able to share the birthday festivities with them.

OK, fuckit...since I'm bitching, I might as well let it all hang out:

It rained on my laundry, and on the recycling that I put out on the curb this morning that never got picked up.

I'm having moral dilemmas about the divorce and the tactics of my attorney, who is a totally nice guy who is deferring payment, and who I worry I might piss off with my wimpiness about certain methods of getting stuff done.

I really miss J, who I sort of went on hiatus with last week so I could think things over...but I feel like I'm treating him like a yo-yo due to...well, due to the fact that I am feeling really vulnerable and needy and like I'm continuously asking for and taking from rather than answering to and providing for...in just about all of the relationships in my life right now. I had expected this phase of my life to be long over by now.

I had to deal with the stupid mortgage company today. I guess the good news is, thanks to my mom, I'll be all caught up on the mortgage by the end of the month. I might fall behind by a few DAYS next month, but that issue should be resolved by the end of the year.

I just finished suffering through the WORST EVER class I have taught at my regular job. The people were downright MEAN. (one client kept calling me over to give him help because "it looks like [I] need some exercise." another just kept making rude remarks during the presentations, and I had to actually reprimand him out loud in front of the entire class, which is something I almost never do...but this guy was pretty extreme...and then another client in the class made a client in another class CRY(!) by making a rude remark about how she'd been out of work for over a year. I have no clue where these people came from, but I wish they would return there.)

I had the most horrible experience as a contract trainer when I went in somewhat unprepared to teach a photoshop class, and was working with version CS, which I had never used before, and which produced unpredictable results (which were different on every single computer) for a specific exercise. I managed to make it up, but I spent about 30 minutes flailing, sweating, and enduring the (rightful) irritation of the PAYING clients in the class. It was FRIGHTFUL. And I have to face them again next week for part 2, for which I am planning to be infinitely better prepared.

One of the dogs has a hot spot on her back, and instead of feeling sympathetic...I'm just annoyed.

OK, my tea is almost gone, and the coughing appears to have ended...so i'm going to try to catch 30 more minutes of rest before I head down to the big event...

Posted at 5:46 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Sick...Again. Still?

October 21, 2004

Blah. I spent all day yesterday crawling back into bed again. I'm coughing and feverish, and I went in to work only to come home again (I felt bad calling in sick because I keep leaving my assistant with the absolute most challenging group of people we have ever had in one class.) I got lots of rest last night, and had many fun hallucinations and/or dreams. It was bizarre, and actually a little bit cool.

Now I'm all sweaty again, but I can't tell if it's actually hot or if I'm still fevered. The weather here in Austin has been just terrible for this kind of illness...one minute it's tolerable and breezy, the next it's stifling...which is why I had so much trouble deciding that I was actually sick.

I am teaching a class today that I cannot call in sick for (it's contract work, and I REALLY need the money). I'm hoping to start feeling better any minute now. hahaha.

Oh, and...I have Coley's birthday party to get ready for on Sunday and, due to my state of perpetual exhaustion this week, the house is a total mess. I'm going to have to spend all day Sunday cleaning and cooking, and I BETTER be better by then. Damnit.

Posted at 9:00 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

Spiders

October 19, 2004

Last week, on the way back to the house from playground day, I happened to spy a crab spider web at the exact moment that a small bug flew right into it. We all stood around and watched the spider sap the bug.

This morning, folding laundry, I shook out a shirt, and a HUGE black spider flew out onto the floor. It was creepy, but I managed to contain my knee-jerk case of the willies long enough to capture it in a container and set it free outside.

This afternoon, the kids and I were out on the front porch eating superhero posicles, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the sun glinting off of an enormous web built between our house and the house next door. In the middle of the web was something that looked like a large leaf, so I walked over to inspect it closer. The leaf-looking thing was actually a LARGE spider with an abdomen about the size of a standard superball. It had spun a gorgeous web that literally spanned 15-20 feet in all.

Spiders! Everywhere! I wonder if I can use these experiences to create a vague metaphor for my current state of existence? Spanning the past and the future, spinning my life out of threads so thin as to be nearly invisible, yet so strong to support myself...my family. Mysterious, frightening, beautiful beings.

How easy it is to get caught in situations that sap our strength, energy and life! How intricate the traps we build!

Or maybe the experiences themselves are the metaphor. Lately, I've been wondering how much of my life can actually be conveyed through the limited amounts of time I have to convey it with people. When so much of the joy in my life involves such subtle beauty as three spiders, discovered webs, tiny pleasures which add up overwhelmingly to outweigh the larger sources of stress, disorder, and unhappiness. As if I sit around here with the kiddos waiting for these tiny miraculous reminders, and perhaps these tiny miraculous reminders sit around all day waiting for me, as well.

Flowers - Camper Van Beethoven

Flowers growing
By the drunken river
Flowers growing
By the burning bridges
Flowers growing
Out of my bones
On the toppled towers flowers growing
On an island above flowers growing
Behind a mirror, behind a door
Flowers growing
Drifting fires of orange flowers
Roll down the stair, down from a star
Where they lie so long, beneath the seasons
Dead among the
On the toppled towers flowers growing
By the drunken river flowers growing
On an island above flowers growing
Out of my bones
Drifting carpets of orange flowers
Roll down the stairs, down from a star
Where they lie so long, beneath the seasons
Dead among the
Drifting fires of orange flowers
Lift from your eyes, out with a breath
Where they lie so long, beneath the seasons
Dead among the flowers growing

Posted at 3:26 PM • Comments (11) • TrackBack

KRS-1's ACTUAL views on 9/11

October 19, 2004

AllHipHop.com : Editorial

For the record, I am an American philosopher. I speak and seek truth. If the slander that the Daily News has printed regarding my political views has disrespectfully offended anyone in any way I truly apologize. Again, it was never my or Hiphop’s intent to disregard, disrespect or demean the tragedy of September 11th 2001 and those that died that day.

However, we do have a voice and a point of view and if you are not prepared to hear what Hiphop has to say about its view of world events then don’t ask!

For those who read a PORTION of them, with nuance removed.

I'm beginning to think, actually, that American Society is completely nuance-impaired.

Posted at 9:45 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

My children have become tea drinkers...

October 18, 2004

...and the process of deciding which tea to drink with lunch today was what inspired Monk to say:

"Sleepytime tea is the antidote to Jean Caffeine."

(because Jean Caffeine has some of her artwork on display at the art school where Monk is currently enrolled in an art class, and both boys are OBSESSED with her.)

Posted at 8:07 PM • Comments (7) • TrackBack

FIVE HOURS LATER

October 18, 2004

Monk is still watching those crazy ants, and reporting back to me about their insect goings-on about every 30 seconds:

"Mom! Mom! I've named one of the ants 'itchy ant' because he was just scratching himself."

"Great," I think..."even our ANTS have FLEAS."

Posted at 3:34 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

A few of the many questions I'm asking myself right now...

October 18, 2004

Perhaps someone cruising by might have some answers. Yes, they are intentionally vague:

Posted at 12:44 PM • Comments (9) • TrackBack

Home Sick from School

October 18, 2004

Monk is too sick for me to leave him with a babysitter, so I had to call in for an important meeting today.

Good thing we got our ants today...the kids have been observing them for the past 30 minutes or so. It's better than television.

Posted at 11:34 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

We're all in trouble now.

October 18, 2004

Monk has discovered....comic books.

Posted at 9:59 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

President Monk

October 17, 2004

Monk has decided that he would like to become President of the United States. This decision was precipitated by a discussion about the presidential debates, in a conversation that began by hims saying "Mom, dad forced us to watch the debate between John Kerry and George Bush, and I'm wondering why everyone is raising a fuss about September 11th...what happened on September 11th?"

Actually, I think Monk has been considering pursuing the presidency ever since we had our little discussion about the "No one died when Clinton lied." yard sign on our neighbor's front lawn. He's been talking about politics a little bit more, and with a lot more sophistication than his usual "war is good and peace is stupid" stance that he took up a couple of years ago.

I should say that Monk has been a fan of George Bush since 2000. Monk was the tender age of 3 when he started talking about Mr. Bush...and would rush to the television set whenever Bush was on. I have tried to remain positive about his interest in politics, even though his views run counter to mine on a lot of issues. I always try to interject that as long as he educates himself about his choices, I will respect his decisions.

Today, after I managed to explain what September 11th was all about without traumatizing him for life, we discussed Monk's ideas about what he would do were he the president. We talked about conservation vs. consumption, and the fact that many people feel that G.W.'s presidency has been bad for the environment. He replied that if he was the president, he would make it a policy to pollute ONLY if it's there were no other options. For instance, rather than drilling for oil at ANWR, he would drill for oil at junkyards..."There's probably TONS of oil at junkyards, mom."

Then, he had A GREAT NEW IDEA. "Mom! I have an idea! Why don't we just build trade routes to countries that HAVE oil, and we can EXPORT things that we have that they need, and trade for oil. If I was president, that's what I would do. I'd build a trade route to Canada, because I'll bet they have a lot of oil, and they're SO CLOSE to us!"

It's so amazing listening to a 7 year old trying to solve the problems of the world. I told Monk that I think he will make a good president. He's cautious, diplomatic, generous, smart, and creative. He asked me how old he would have to be to run for president, and I ended up reading him the ENTIRE Encarta Encyclopedia article "The President of the United States." It took about 2 hours to read it all, and Monk was enthralled. I'm sure he doesn't remember much of it, but I'm sure a lot of it sunk in, and he asked questions along the way, so I knew he was listening. Soaking in. In the middle of my reading that article, he asked me how the government of Germany works, for some reason. I told him we would have to look that information up another time, because I didn't think I could handle reading aloud anymore. It's a good thing I'm accustomed to speaking for long periods of time.

But, damnit, I just love that kiddo. I'm so happy that he is growing interested in politics. He said that if he could vote, he would vote for George Bush because he feels like he wouldn't want to change presidents very much.

I think the hardest part of the whole night was explaining to Monk why there had to be amendments made to the constitution to allow African-Americans and women the right to vote and become presidential candidates. I reminded Monk that when the constitution was written, people from Africa were slaves, and we talked about how people with light skin had to create all sorts of unwritten social rules to make that practice acceptable. Most of those rules justified slavery by convincing people that African slaves were inferior to white people (not as smart or, even, not really fully human)...and after centuries of those rules being part of our society, even today there are many ways in which those rules influence the way people with dark skin are treated. It was harder to explain why women were given the right to vote and/or run for president well after the constitution was written, but I kind of copped out and said something along the same lines as above.

It's hard to explain these things to him without making it seem like racism and sexism are relics of the past. I think I did an OK job, and I'm pleased that Monk is aware of these issues, and seems to have an awareness of race and gender as constructs (without him really knowing the meaning of the word "construct" - which, actually, is the tricky part about discussing these things with a 7-year old...having to strip out all of the intellectualism in the explanations and just presenting the information in context appropriate to his age and cognitive ability).

Yeah. I think Monk would make an OK president. He's already decided he's going to fund his campaign on the salary he makes in his first career as a major league baseball player.

This, coupled with the other discussions we had today about manners and respect and...gah...lots of heavy emotional stuff, made for a very dense evening with the kiddos after an alarmingly dark weekend. There's light ahead, and I'm shifting my pack so I can start moving towards it, but there's a lot of change happening in my life, and some of it is really rough change, in spite of the fact that I think it's all for the best. As change usually is.

I hope you had a good weekend.

Posted at 10:56 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Homeschooling News/Commentary round up

October 17, 2004

Modbee.com | The Modesto Bee

Nobody, including home-schoolers, likes to be stereotyped. We shouldn't be mocked because of the way our parents have chosen to educate us.

The truth is, we are not against public or private schools. We just have a different philosophy toward education.

Most home-schoolers believe home is the best environment for learning and parents are the best teachers for their children.

The fact is, there is no perfect education system, but I'm glad that my parents have sacrificed and chosen to home-school me.

There's nothing weird and un-American about that.



Homeschoolers for Kerry yahoo group

An interesting discussion about homeschooling on a Kerry/Edwards bulletin board.

Democrats Homeschool, Too - A to Z Home's Cool Homeschooling - 8/9/04

Many Democrat moms are very much into the nurturing movement, finding it rather absurd to spend all that time in Le Leche League only to turn one's babes over to daycare as soon as they are potty trained. While a goal for "early childhood education for all children under 5" is a worthy one, perhaps it can best be achieved by helping mothers to have the confidence and skills to work with their little ones rather than making them think that handing their children over to someone else is somehow better. This is part of what I try to do as a "liberated woman," and find no contradiction. Empowering the individual: that is what the Democrat Party has always stood for.

Autodidactic Press - Think of an education not as something you get, but as something you take.

Notice the curious lack of mention of single parents in this article. We homeschool, too:

Working full time while home schooling your children may seem an impossible scenario. After all, life offers only a fixed number of hours each day. Add up the time devoted to the job and the hours needed for home schooling and the clock can quickly run out.

My solution to this bullshit is to encourage radical mamas and papas to homeschool, too. We have nothing to fear but brainwashed conservative children with too much time on their hands. Don't worry...they will rebel eventually.

Alfie Kohn asks "What does it mean to be well-educated." Which is an excellent question, particularly when paired with "What does it mean to be successful" ...which is something I hope to post my thoughts on later this evening.

Stay tuned.

Posted at 3:45 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

yet another reason to homeschool

October 17, 2004

IPA Newsletter Summer 2004

Recess is the time during the school day at which children’s minds get a reprieve from the onslaught of information they are being pressed to learn. However, many principals, educators, and superintendents consider recess as a waste of precious learning time. Recess is silently being eliminated from the school day by state mandates that allot the number of hours during the school year to be spent on the core curriculum and hold local school boards accountable for test results. But what educators don’t realize is that recess not only complements the learning process, but it also fosters learning. For example, research with two fourth grade classes (Jarrett, et al. 1998) concluded that children who are given a recess during the academic school day are more "on task and less fidgety." Which translates in the classroom as more quality learning time; therefore, teachers are able to move through the subject matter faster and the students are focused and better retain the information presented to them. Recess is an enhancer of productivity.

Are there really people out there who feel like it's healthy for children to be stuck indoors, primarily at desks, for 6-8 hours every day? Honest?

Say it ain't so!

Posted at 3:20 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Breaking Ranks

October 16, 2004

Breaking Ranks

Posted at 1:00 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

The Rude Pundit on O'Reilly's Vibrator

October 15, 2004

The Rude Pundit

And that's why that smug motherfucker deserves this and why we all get to bask in schadenfreude. Because for O'Reilly it's just a big fuckin' conspiracy against him. So, please, please, God, Allah, Buddha, who the fuckever or no one, let it be true. 'Cause if it's true, then the right will have O'Reilly, vibrator-using falafel fucker, and Rush Limbaugh, batshit insane hillbilly heroin addict.
Posted at 11:45 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Interesting World Health Statistic from Black Commentator

October 15, 2004

The Black Commentator - Cartoon: World Health - Issue 109

Posted at 8:46 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Buster has a Blog

October 15, 2004

Postcards from Buster . Blog . Knox, Indiana | PBS Kids GO!

How Surreal.

Posted at 3:38 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Friday Random Ten

October 15, 2004

I guess Roxanne isn't around today, so I'm doing my Friday Random Ten without her:

  1. Camper Van Beethoven - Light From a Cake
  2. They Might Be Giants - Boat of a Car
  3. Fugazi - Fell, Destroyed
  4. Eastern Dub Tactic - Wicked Style
  5. Cletus - Pedro Goes to Brooklyn
  6. Air - Electronic Performers
  7. Rasputina - Rusty the Skatemaker
  8. A Tribe Called Quest - Left My Wallet in El Segundo
  9. Stevie Wonder - Ebony & Ivory
  10. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Sweetheart Come
Posted at 8:50 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Debate Analysis

October 15, 2004

Trout Fishing in South-Central Wisconsin

Bottom line is that Kerry answered the questions, while Bush evaded them. His position on outsourcing, which one commenter at DailyKos summed up nicely as "Hey, you have an advanced degree & certification and your job got shipped to Asia? Screw you, here's a break on tuition at community college!" just goes to show how completely out of touch with reality Bush is. If you watched the debate with eyes and ears open and you still think Bush would make the better President, I urge you to halve your dosage of whatever illicit drug you're currently high on, because even hardcore crack addicts aren't that addle-brained.

[link via feministe]

Posted at 8:46 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Another Weekly to-do list

October 15, 2004

I actually got a lot done last week...

Stuff left over from last week

Stuff I've added for this week

Stuff I do every week

Posted at 8:18 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Sheer Decadance...

October 14, 2004

i'm taking my second sick day off IN A ROW. I've been trying to talk myself out of it all day long, but the fact is that I don't think it's wise to go to work when I feel dizzy.

I feel so...naughty.

I'm going to go make my bed and douse it with lavender and patchouli.

UPDATE: I just realized why it feels so decadent to call in sick...it's because I work all day, and, really, my other job is probably less demanding than my parenting job, so I always feel like I'm faking it. Even when I'm really not.

Posted at 1:42 PM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

debate chat yet again

October 13, 2004

dunno how coherent I'll be, but I'll have the computer on and I might drool a little here and there:

Nick Name:
Posted at 7:30 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Sick Day

October 13, 2004

All day...actually, all week, I have found myself crawling back to bed, as if I'm being pulled there by gravity. Today, in particular, I've been sneezing and sniffling. I've been dreading going to work since Monday...I just haven't been in the mood, and when you have to enthusiastically and patiently introduce people to how to use computers...you really have to be IN THE MOOD to do it well. I've been sort of gripey and short with my clients all week. They're a rough class anyway, and on a normal week, I think they would wear on my patience.

However, I finally realized that I can just. call in. Sick. The entire world will not collapse if I let my assistant teach the class today (particularly since it's a topic that he specializes in...and he probably is way more patient than I am at this point.)

I feel relieved. Once I am able to get these kids to their dad's house, I am going to collapse in bed and drool merrily all over my pillow in sickly glee.

Posted at 2:34 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Dru Blood Endorses

October 13, 2004

Purely Decadent Soy Delicious non-dairy frozen dessert. From their website:

This one is for those people who are searching for an indulgent, all natural non-dairy frozen treat with all the creaminess and goodies you would expect from a super premium dairy ice cream (like those guys in Vermont whose name we won’t mention here).

I'm eating Peanut Butter Zigzag right now...a couple of weeks ago, I scarfed down a whole pint of Chocolate Brownie Almond without even realizing it. I don't think I've ever eaten a frozen non-dairy treat this yummy before in my whole life. (warning: this product apparently makes you talk in awkward sentences.)

Posted at 1:57 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

My Fellow Non-Americans

October 13, 2004

Guardian Unlimited | US elections 2004 | My fellow non-Americans ...

The result of the US election will affect the lives of millions around the world but those of us outside the 50 states have had no say in it - until now. In a unique experiment, G2 has assembled a democratic toolkit to enable people from Basildon to Botswana to campaign in the presidential race. And with a little help from the folks in Clark County, Ohio, you might help decide who takes up residence in the White House next month. Oliver Burkeman explains how.

[link via Gwen from Randomwalks]

Posted at 11:57 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Interesting...

October 13, 2004

I agree with Jim D at Burnt Orange Report that the conclusions drawn in this video about Bush's speaking skills are most likely erroneous, it's still an interesting juxtaposition.

Posted at 10:24 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Eat the Rich

October 13, 2004

This article about why it's untenable to tax the rich because they inevitably find ways to evade the taxes was sent to my homeschool list. I think the person who sent it was intending that parents teach a lesson to kids about why Kerry's tax plan won't work. I think it's a better example of why rich people suck, and why capitalism is untenable.

Funny how that works, isn't it?

Posted at 9:00 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Monk: Playground Genius.

October 13, 2004

Yesterday, I had some errands to run, so I took the kids to the playground, left them with friends there, and came home to take care of my stuff.

When I got back, my friends were totally laughing about Monk. Monk, who is probably one of the best readers/wordsmiths of the group, and who everyone is always calling a genius. Evidently, he was running around the playground, yelling "I've been EDIFIED!!! I've been EDIFIED!!!" All of the moms were like "Shit! This kid DOES have a big vocabulary!"

Then they asked him what edified means...

"Well, duh! It means I've been turned into ED!"

Posted at 8:33 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

New Leafs.

October 12, 2004

Lots is going on in my little corner of the world. A flurry of positive activity, plan-making, bailing out, repositioning, and mapping new directions. I don't even know where to start to explain what I've been turning over in my mind the past few weeks, so I guess I'll start with what's forthcoming, and see where I end up.

My final hearing for divorce is scheduled for a little under 2 weeks. I'm not going to go into specifics about that, except to say that I suddenly have a lot of thinking to do. And, as I'm assuming is fairly natural, I'm having some feelings of...not regret, really, but I guess I'm sort of recollecting the time I spent with L in a really bittersweet way. I'm to the point where I'm not at all wishing we were back together (and I've been there for awhile) but I remember fondly some of the things we used to do, as if the person L was in those memories has died. I'm sure that's pretty normal.

Coley's birthday is also coming up in a little under 2 weeks. I'm planning a small birthday party for him, but mostly I'm thinking about the turmoil he was thrust in prior to and after his birth. And I'm looking at monk with different eyes regarding all that he's been through in the past 4 years. I can't believe it, really...pretty much Steven and I have been broken up longer than we were ever really together...and for the first time ever the other day, I was able to really look at Monk and evaluate what this has all meant for him. Basically, he lost his mom&dad family at almost the exact time that his brother was born. I'm sure that's been hard for him...and yet, he never really talks about it. I mentioned it the other day, because we were on a walk, and we walked by the office of my midwife, and I was reminiscing about my appointments there when I was pregnant with Coley, and how Monk would come with and play with the trains, and we'd walk home together, and usually I'd go back to work and he would stay with papa all day long. He got all choked up about it.

And it's not like I never THOUGHT about how close he is to his papa, and how important that relationship is with him. It's just that I've had to agonize over whether I'm making the right decision to allow for so much visitation, and I'm *still* agonizing over it, due to various factors. And, while it's nice to know that there's definitely a positive benefit to Monk having lots of papa time, it also adds to the difficulty of making the right choices within the context of all of this other stuff that needs to be considered.

I'm sure that made ALL SORTS OF SENSE. I'm having to talk in code to avoid getting myself into trouble.

At any rate, there's that...and all of the decisions that need to be made about the lives of the children that hang in the balance. And there's this questionnaire I filled out recently about dating after divorce that made me feel like I'm living in some sort of fantasy world.

The contrast between L and J is just so great, that sometimes it's unbelievable to me. J and I never fight. The kids adore him. He makes my life easier rather than more difficult. He respects my decisions with regard to the children and my life, and he offers to help whenever he feels his help is needed. He's truly dreamy.

And yet...and I feel odd talking about this here, because I haven't discussed it with J yet (so, J, if you are reading this...i'm planning on bringing it up real soon, but I just haven't had the chance) there's a weirdness. And I only just today was able to put a finger on what that weirdness was about. It really has nothing to do with J and everything to do with me. But, basically, J treats me...and he treats me well. When the kids are at L's, he takes me out...and he pays...and he takes me places I could never afford to take myself. I mean, basically, I'm living on bare bones budgeting here. My life is very much no frills right now. And John comes along and gives me frills - in addition to all of the other very nice and lovely things he gives me that have nothing at all to do with money.

But money has always been an issue with me...and I've always felt a little weird going out with J and excepting the fact that he always treats (and treats well)...and it was only today that it hit me that somewhere in my subconscious mind, I'm equating my dates with J with my visitation sessions with my father. My father, who would basically come by and take me from my mom's house, where things were always very tight (considering the asshole never paid child support) and would take me to the bookstore to restaurants and various places. He would take out his wallet, which was fat with 100 dollar bills, and he ALWAYS paid in cash. My mom always paid by check.

You see what I'm saying here?

Now, I have to reiterate that this has nothing to do with J. It has a lot to do with privilege, but J is about as aware of his privilege as just about anyone I have ever met. And, i mean, he's obviously NOT my father...but it's the contrast of worlds that I think I'm feeling. Along with the fact that I feel like I'm racking up a debt I will never be able to repay. And no matter how much he tells me that he enjoys being with me and loves to take me out...I still feel like I'm getting more than I'm giving, and I sort of like to GIVE, too...and the imbalance really affects me whether or not it bothers him.

If that makes sense. My friend today told me that she totally GETS this, and, as a newly single mama as well, sometimes feels like that's what holds her back from really getting involved in any relationships, because what the heck does she have to offer? Certainly not a heck of a lot of time...or money. And in spite of the fact that J is a super sweetie who I know is sincerely wonderful, I can't help also wondering if perhaps the imbalance might be subconsciously vital to him in some way. Like maybe it protects him somehow. Or perhaps the fact that I have a commitment to my children guards him a bit from me asking for a commitment from him. I dunno. There's a lot swirling around up there, and I haven't figured it all out yet.

But, yeah...that's where I'm at right now, with the finalization of the divorce approaching, the kids still doing well with their "school" and activities (in spite of the fact that they have both come down with a nasty cough) and various financial setbacks and victories. Plans, ideas, scrapped plans and more ideas...it's all jumbled up and I'm just sort of ironing as I go.

Posted at 11:07 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

A quickie

October 12, 2004

Today marks the first time I have truly grasped the complete irony in the words "Trying not to think about it."

Posted at 1:09 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Dog Update.

October 12, 2004

A lot of people have been asking me for an update about the pets. I think some people are assuming my silence on the issue means that I have some formerly mischievous creatures buried in the crawlspace....hahaha.

But, far from that, I've been enjoying a most mellow month when it comes to the little creatures I share my home with. Spike was neutered about a month or so ago, and it took awhile, but he seems to have calmed down tremendously. He's not peeing all over the house, and he's not even looking for escape routes in the backyard...although if the gate is swinging wide open, he will bolt.

Bailey has taken over duties as the digger and the Houdini. She still gets out on occasion, but spike doesn't follow her unless he's been out for too long....but, since I no longer have to worry about him pissing all over the kids' toys and various other important things around the house, I don't feel like I need to leave him out there for long periods of time.

Monk has started taking Bailey with him to his dad's house sometimes, which helps her feel more included. She has the unfortunate position as pretty much the bottom of the pack dog. So I think the extra attention is good for her.

Twyla, who is my favorite, only ever escapes when the gate is wide open (which sometimes happens if people don't close it right or lock it properly - they can bang against it and make it come unlatched) and is learning to walk on a leash a lot better, since it's been mild enough temperature-wise for us to go on regular walks.

So, we're really all doing well. The other day, Spike was laying on the floor next to Coley, who was hugging on him and saying "Do you love me, Spike?" It was sweet and wonderful to behold...and a month ago, it wouldn't have happened, because Spike would have been too busy trying to make sweet love with Bailey.

Yay!

Posted at 10:55 AM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

7:55 AM

October 12, 2004

It's no secret around here that I homeschool my children. Every morning at around 7:55 AM, I'm reminded why. Because every morning at around 7:55 AM, the elementary school across the street broadcasts the pledge of allegience and the Texas pledge over the intercom for the whole neighborhood to hear.

It totally creeps me out thinking about all of those little school children pledging allegience to a flag. It creeps me out even more that they feel like the whole neighborhood should hear it.

I guess that's one reason why we homeschool, and one reason why we sleep late.

On the other hand, I could just kick some ass like Bigfatmama did.

Posted at 8:01 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

i can't believe I haven't written anything abut columbus day this year...

October 11, 2004

Or, rather, Indigenous Peoples' Day

There's something lately...with me...that prevents me from remembering events and really discussing political issues in any depth. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm reevaluating my life goals and I'm very self-centered these days. I'm hoping I grow out of it.

Regardless, and in the meantime while I'm too freaking self-absorbed to actually come up with my own words on the subject...perhaps some other people's words will do.

(more links to come...looks like there aren't a lot of people blogging about columbus day today.)

Posted at 5:07 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Broken Heart.

October 11, 2004

CNN.com - Mother of soldier killed in Iraq collapses, dies - Oct 5, 2004

Results of an autopsy were not immediately released, but friends of Karen Unruh-Wahrer said she couldn't stop crying over losing her 25-year-old son, Army Spc. Robert Oliver Unruh, who was killed by enemy fire near Baghdad on September 25.

[link via bitter shack of resentment]

Posted at 2:37 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Bullies at the Voting Booth

October 11, 2004

Bullies at the Voting Booth | Anne-Marie Cusac | October 2004 issue

[link via zeebahtronic]

Posted at 11:48 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Collaborative Cooking

October 11, 2004

Last night's collaborative cooking adventure was fun and fruitful. We all gathered at k8's house and cooked up some southern (and faux-southern) fare.

By the time I got there, the party had already started with Pansy and her cinnamon bread. She was rolling out the dough to add the cinnamon. K8 was cooking up black-eyed peas and potato-leek soup. I had my tofu, so I could make grit tofu and grit gravy from the cookbook Susan loaned me about 5 centuries ago.

Kate fed me some tasty chili, because I hadn't eaten all day, and Pansy and I made a couple batches of biscuits.

The kids played while we talked and cooked and talked and cooked some more. Susan arrived and helped me to make the tofu, and it was SO yummy! Unbelievably yummy. It was ALL totally yummy.

The coolest thing about collaborative cooking is I learn so much about how other people prepare food. Sometimes we do foods on a theme, and sometimes we do food based on an ingredient. When there are enough recipes, we prep all of the veggies in advance to save time. We cook enough for everyone to take home and eat off of all week. It forces me to make and eat foods I normally don't make or eat. Plus, there's the joy of sharing an evening with friends, laughing around the kitchen table. It's a blast.

Posted at 9:48 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Dred Scott, GW, and abortion rights

October 10, 2004

Daily Kos :: Dred Scott, Explained: It's About Abortion

The "Dred Scott" reference by Bush sent everyone at Atrios and other blog sites scrambling to historical tomes to figure out what on Earth Mr. Bush could mean, short of saying that he wouldn't appoint pro-slavery judges.

Really, we should have just done a damn google search on the Internets.

Because it's all there, plain as day. The Dred Scott reference is code language for abortion rights.

Nothing to add...except, I mean, didn't we sort of already know he would try to add an anti-abortionist to the courts? Isn't he already doing that?

Still, it's creepy.

UPDATE: Amanda at Mousewords analyzes the comparison between Dred Scott and abortion rights.

Posted at 10:46 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

In the mix

October 9, 2004

Here's what's playing on my old-fashioned CD Jukebox:

Posted at 6:05 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

more debate. chat

October 8, 2004

I should be here, if you want to join me...

Nick Name:
Posted at 7:27 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

"Mom, i love my new glasses"

October 8, 2004

That's what Monk just said. I wanted those of you who contributed to the vision fund to know. He says he can see better, there are no scratches (I bought the more expensive, scratch-resistant, transition lenses with a year warranty) and they are more comfortable (i got the flexon bridge frames that have a 2-year warranty).

Thank you. I'll try to put a picture up, soon.

Posted at 3:45 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

KidMix Autumn, 2004

October 8, 2004

Opening Theme - Camper Van Beethoven
Never Grow Old - Toots & the Maytals
Reflections of Woody Guthrie - V/A
Clean Pond Crossing - Ella Jenkins
Hand Jive - Greg & Steve
Interlude - Camper Van Beethoven
Locomotion - John Coltrane
Numbers and Alphabets - Ella Jenkins
Stay Human (All the Freaky People) - Michael Franti & Spearhead
Ana Ng - They Might Be Giants
A Big Pig Sty - Ella Jenkins
Boots - Laurie Berkner
Clean Up Week - Ella Jenkins
Flowers - Camper Van Beethoven
I Feel So Crazy So I Jump in the Soup - Laurie Berkner
Shakin' Down the Sugar - Laurie Berkner
Trane's Blues - John Coltrane
Purple Toupee - They Might Be Giants
Anishinabe - V/A
Cuckoo's Nest - Nickel Creek
Fur & Feathers - Anne Hill
It's a Beautiful Day - Greg & Steve
NNew Moon Song - Anne Hill
Red Beans & Rice - Spearhead
Thank You - Michael Franti & Spearhead
Trucks - Laurie Berkner
Yes and No - Ella Jenkins

Want it? E-mail me (drublood at mindspring dot com) and I'll send it out sometime within the next year or so. It wouldn't hurt if you'd like to paypal me some postage money, but it probably won't make it get to you any faster.

Posted at 3:01 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

That Zany Weekly To-Do List

October 8, 2004

Stuff I do every week

Stuff left over from last week

Stuff I've added for this week

Posted at 12:02 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack