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« Blah. | Main | I'm having a dilemma »
I am trying not to judge how much "better" I am
October 29, 2004
based on how I feel first thing in the morning. But, in terms of the recovering phase of this illness, yesterday was by far the worst. At one point in the day, I was visualizing myself checking into a hospital and letting machines take over my bodily functions so I could get some rest.
I think it's mostly the fact that I haven't been eating anything...so yesterday I made it my goal to eat an entire can of lentil soup. It took me all freaking day, but I did it. I even tried to eat a shake about midday in hopes of just increasing my caloric intake so I wasn't so damn tired, but after 10 bites or so, I threw the thing away. Food just tastes too gross right now.
I've never had this problem with an illness before. I feel no nausea, and I am not barfing, but my body has to be FORCED to eat. It seems so...counterproductive. And, the thing is, it took me a good 2-3 days to realize I was "off my food" - so I have a lot of catching up to do. I have some low-calorie healthy food in the house, like that lentil soup...and some high-calorie comfort food that I know I can force myself to eat. And I'm going to set things right over the next few days. Endless oranges, apples, lentils, potatoes, water and tea. And I should probably get myself a multivitamin supplement just to boost things along a bit.
I am really going to appreciate feeling healthy when I feel healthy again. Know what I mean?
The sad thing is that I don't think there is a single pumpkin available for purchase in the entire Austin area at this point. My kids might very well have a Pumpkinless Halloween. I'll keep up the search all weekend, but I'm starting to fear the worst.
Speaking of fearing the worst, the world has turned grey and very scary. Even when the sun does come out, it's eerie. There's a quality to it...I don't know if it comes from being sick. But I'm not liking it. It's so weird waiting for this political apacolypse in the throes of illness...I just want to curl up with my babies and wake up when the world is restored to a more peaceful order.
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Comments
i'd give you the gandalf speech right about now if i had enough brain cells left to remember it. :)
take heart young lady - you've just survived an illness that at one time or another has slain millions of people. so you can tell your kids that you single-handedly defeated a monster just in time for halloween.
and if you can't find pumpkins - use orange balloons and sharpie pens, or failing that, there are other squash out there. enjoy...
we do have some seasonal decorative squash, but I feel so bad that we might not be carving pumpkins. I know they'll survive, but...still...it's been a crappy month for everyone around here.
I never understood why anyone would ever make a fuss over the flu until this year. I'm telling you, I have never been this sick in my entire life.