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« Sick...Again. Still? | Main | This makes my brain hurt. »
I have this friend...
October 23, 2004
...and her son's birthday is about 3 weeks after Coley's. And every year for the past 3 years, I have missed his birthday party due to illness or some other legitimate excuse. And even though it's not at all personal, my friend (who I love in spite of her tendencies to take these things personally) takes this VERY personally.
This year, she moved her son's birthday party up almost a month to today, because for each of the past 2-3 years, there has been bad weather around the time of the birthday party, and they throw a humongous party which pretty much requires that everyone spend time outside. Today is the day BEFORE Coley's birthday. I have been sick all week, and have to work all day today (beginning at around 7:30 AM) and have been coughing all night to the point where I cannot sleep. I KNOW that I'm not going to want to crash a party when I head home at 5 PM, after having spent the entire day attempting to keep my children entertained at work with me (on no sleep).
I guess I'll just stop by on the way home and deliver the card we're making for P, and eat a little something (because we'll need to eat anyway)...but that feels so rude.
This is just one example of how fucking odd my life is lately. I'm swimming in all of these really dumb decisions that I have to make, and I just want to lay down and take a nap. I mean, I was totally not anticipating having to hack up both of my lungs all night long...that's just not the way this illness has been concentrated. Yet, here I am, fully awake for the 3rd or 4th time tonight, unable to stop the coughing. I would TOTALLY take cough medicine if I had any, but I just don't do medication enough to ever have any around the house when I need it. (This, by the way, is one of those micromoments when being a single parent really fucking sucks, because even though when L lived here, he would really never go out in the middle of the night (in the rain) to get me cough medicine...I at least had the option of doing it myself. Multiply this inconvenience by the number of times it occurs in an average week/month/year and you begin to have a lot more sympathy for women who accidentally or on purpose leave their children in the car while they are at work or who leave their children at home alone for periods of time. Yeah, it's not really excusable, but sometimes it's almost understandable.)
So, here I am...exhausted. About to start a killer of a work day (theoretically, I COULD call in sick. But I have the raffle tickets AND I have to open up the site today while my assistant mans our booth at the festival...so, that theory is shot to hell). My house is a mess, and I need to get groceries and clean the whole place up for coley's birthday party on Sunday...and I have tomorrow evening and Sunday morning/afternoon to do that and cook a huge pot of chili. Fuck getting anything else accomplished.
Argh. I'm really tired of being "Problems Girl". It's getting depressing, but the problems and worries are legitimate, so it's not like I can just pretend they don't exist. All I can do is plow through and, well, at least I have vacation time next week. I'll rest then.
UPDATE: I had a conversation with myself in the shower today, and we decided that postponing coley's birthday party 2 weeks, and sleeping in on Sunday and having a cozy family day instead sounds oh, so much nicer. In fact, I think I probably sounded like the "herbal essence" girl when that though struck me initially.
That will give me time to actually plan and bake a special cake...and to clean the house...and r and her kids will be back at that time, so we'll be able to share the birthday festivities with them.
OK, fuckit...since I'm bitching, I might as well let it all hang out:
It rained on my laundry, and on the recycling that I put out on the curb this morning that never got picked up.
I'm having moral dilemmas about the divorce and the tactics of my attorney, who is a totally nice guy who is deferring payment, and who I worry I might piss off with my wimpiness about certain methods of getting stuff done.
I really miss J, who I sort of went on hiatus with last week so I could think things over...but I feel like I'm treating him like a yo-yo due to...well, due to the fact that I am feeling really vulnerable and needy and like I'm continuously asking for and taking from rather than answering to and providing for...in just about all of the relationships in my life right now. I had expected this phase of my life to be long over by now.
I had to deal with the stupid mortgage company today. I guess the good news is, thanks to my mom, I'll be all caught up on the mortgage by the end of the month. I might fall behind by a few DAYS next month, but that issue should be resolved by the end of the year.
I just finished suffering through the WORST EVER class I have taught at my regular job. The people were downright MEAN. (one client kept calling me over to give him help because "it looks like [I] need some exercise." another just kept making rude remarks during the presentations, and I had to actually reprimand him out loud in front of the entire class, which is something I almost never do...but this guy was pretty extreme...and then another client in the class made a client in another class CRY(!) by making a rude remark about how she'd been out of work for over a year. I have no clue where these people came from, but I wish they would return there.)
I had the most horrible experience as a contract trainer when I went in somewhat unprepared to teach a photoshop class, and was working with version CS, which I had never used before, and which produced unpredictable results (which were different on every single computer) for a specific exercise. I managed to make it up, but I spent about 30 minutes flailing, sweating, and enduring the (rightful) irritation of the PAYING clients in the class. It was FRIGHTFUL. And I have to face them again next week for part 2, for which I am planning to be infinitely better prepared.
One of the dogs has a hot spot on her back, and instead of feeling sympathetic...I'm just annoyed.
OK, my tea is almost gone, and the coughing appears to have ended...so i'm going to try to catch 30 more minutes of rest before I head down to the big event...
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Comments
Hope you feel better soon Dru and it sounds like a good idea to postpone Coleys party. Two of my boys have had Birthdays in the last 3 days and it has been exhausting!
Hope you feel better soon Dru and it sounds like a good idea to postpone Coleys party. Two of my boys have had Birthdays in the last 3 days and it has been exhausting!
I was so thrilled to hear you've decided to postpone the birthday party. (I really wanted to suggest it but didn't want to be presumptuous--also didn't think you need anyone else "telling you what to do" these days.)
Some day, if there is ever time and money (a confluence I dream aobut in my own life), I highly recommend you try improv/theatre spots classes, if you ever get a chance. You walk out fully prepared and confident to deal with hecklers, trolls, and rude trainees--i.e., you have a default process to fall back on, so even on sick, tired, or overwhelmed days, it is EASY to do. I had the pleasure of taking classes in Vancouver at the Granville Island Theatre Sports League, and I'm retroactively grateful I pushed myself to do it at the time.
Can you prune anything else back in your schedule right now to get yourself more of a break?
Hang in there, beautiful.