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Community

December 29, 2004

Finally I have managed to wake up before the children so I can write something AND drink HOT coffee instead of 8 hour old coffee that I forgot to drink when I first made it. HOORAY!

I'm reminded of community because of what is going to happen today. Monk has been having a rough time of things lately. His little 8-year old self is tired of his baby brother and tired of his bossy mama who is always demanding that he tie his own shoes. It's simply unreasonable!

Yesterday, when I once again insisted that I am no longer going to tie his shoes for him (it seems like a very small thing, but trust me...the transition into autonomous shoe tying is one that frees me up a great deal...to tie coley's shoes.) He stormed into his room. I was laying on my bed, trying not to get frustrated with the now-daily episodes of extreme agitation over shoe-tying and I heard Monk say "This is BULLSHIT."

Then:

"Mom! You are a JACKASS!"

I'm free to laugh now as I type this, but I had to hold my laughter in when I heard it. Yes, it's even cute when an 8-year old swears. Especially when he a) uses my favorite word to fling at annoying motorists (so, um, it's clear where he got the term from) and b) seemingly has confined himself to animal-based obscenities.

But, what does all of this have to do with community. Well, it's all about what I did at this point. What I did at this point was immediately call up a member of my own little cobbled-together community and request that Monk be whisked away for a slumber party tomorrow so he could have some big boy time with his friend L. Pansy was quick to oblige, because a) she understood completely what was going on and b) she will be needing some help with her kids in the coming months so she can get some extra work.

That, my friends, is some well-oiled community at work. Tonight Monk will be picked up by Pansy and driven off to the country to have some buddy time far, far away from the pest and the jackass.

(Of couse, later in the day, after shoes had been tied and water had flowed under the bridge, I explained to Monk that we don't call each other jackasses, and that if I were to call him a jackass, I would certainly have to apologize. And he apologized. And I still think it's hilarious.)

But what can I do to extend my community next year? Right now, there are a few of us who work in concert. One of whom I really need to reach out to more, because I feel like I'm always on the receiving end of her kindness. Community is hard work. Friendships take a lot of time. But it's time well-spent and fun to spend.

To maintain and expand my community within my parameters, I'm going to really try to reach out to those who are on the perimeter of my community more frequently. I'm not quite ready to give dinner party invitations to my neighbors, who I never really hang out with, even though I probably should and would enjoy their company. But I do have several friends who I don't see nearly often enough. I have to be kind to myself and understand that I have a very busy schedule, and it's difficult to really make contact with everyone on a regular basis...but I seem to do well with planning and calendars, so if I plan a couple of days a month just to see people I don't normally see, that would probably work well.

I also intend to continue in my tradition of monthly potlucks, but with more fervor than before. I'll feel better about that when my house is rearranged, and i'm well on my way to that goal, even though it's not really on my list (environment should have been on there. Damnit!)

For me, a community is a group of people who are not necessarily bound by geography, who work together to achieve a greater good. One of my many communities is the whole of blogdom. I'm hoping that in 2005, I can provide my little full bleed community with a better tool to communicate (upgrade, anyone?) and can participate more in some of the cool online communities that I enjoy, in addition to building and strengthening community with those who are in close physical proximity.

Posted at December 29, 2004 8:08 AM

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Comments

I am extremely envious of your little community. Since moving, I have met no one and can't even seem to figure out how to meet anyone, so when my 11-year-old decides that I am a "fucking bitch" (no, no cutesy animal cursing over here lmao), there is no respite for the weary. But just hearing about how other kids are cursing makes me feel better. A little. *grin*

Posted by: Tricia at December 29, 2004 8:52 AM

I agree, it is a relief to know that other kids lose their verbal cool, too. Rockethead's latest is calling me and DH ass-head, which seems to be the logical evolution from poop-head, which I now miss.

There's something about animal-related cursewords that seems to capture some kids' imaginations. My littlest bro once exploded in a four-year-old fit of fury and called my other bro and me a 'horse's bitch,' which was apparently the worst thing he could imagine. His mouth got so foul that the rest of us made up a fake cuss word that was supposed to be the worst ever, and 'let' him hear us using it. Whenever he was really ticked off, for years afterward, he called us 'purd.'

I also envy you the ability to call on your community. We've been running a pesthouse (flu, ear infections, pinkeye, you name it) here for near on a month and I just can't bring myself to yell for help.

Posted by: Casey at December 29, 2004 11:01 AM

Community is good. I need to do a better job of creating a community around me in real life.

I'm thankful that you're here, Dru. You're an absolute inspiration to me. I can't count the number of times that you've made me think about something differently or given me something entirely new to think about. You're definitely part of my community.

Thank you!!! xoxoxoxox

Posted by: z. at December 29, 2004 12:42 PM

Hey, I got nothing but love for you, community mama! You are one of my blogging inspirations for sure.

And did someone say something about an upgrade? 'Cause you know I'm oh so down for it.

Posted by: RedHeadDread at December 29, 2004 7:10 PM

i think of you as part of my community too-- you're always an inspiration to me, even when you seem to be feeling less-than-inspirational! i'm working on strengthening my face-to-face community as well, per your excellent example.

Posted by: Jackie at December 30, 2004 7:57 AM

Tricia - Best of luck to you in finding/building your community. It takes awhile, I think...but it's worth the search. You know, my mama was a single mama, too...and while I'm not sure that what she had was so much of a community as it was "my friend's parents" - I always felt like I had somewhere to go, and several "second homes."

Casey - ass-head is fabulous! I'm amazed that Monk doesn't swear more than he does.

RHD - I'm hoping that I can put my check from my freelance job towards the upgrade, but I have to wait and see how much money I have by then. Either way, it WILL happen in the new year. The first quarter of the new year.

Jackie & everyone - thank you. I could not ask for a better community than the people who spend time here offering encouragement and feedback. It's good to know I have something to offer in return.

Posted by: drublood at December 30, 2004 9:07 AM