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« December 2004 | Main | February 2005 »

The Weekly To-Do List, version - no sims2 until you finish your chores!

January 28, 2005

You would not believe how helpful this list has been in keeping track of those larger and/or smaller projects.


Stuff I do every week

Stuff left over from previous weeks

Stuff I've added for this week

Posted at 11:12 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

I have been hit HARD

January 28, 2005

With a serious Sims2 addiction. Folks, it's come to this. I am reading the sims2 website and ENJOYING other peoples' little serial stories they are creating with their Sims. There is something very wrong with me. This series, in particular, captured my attention for almost an entire evening. I'm not sure if it's the kind of thing you would "get" if you never played the sims, but there you go.

Not only that, but while reading bedtime stories to my kids last night, I thought that it might be fun to recreate the Series of Unfortunate Events in a sim neighborhood. I was even planning how I could do the fire that kills the parents (or maybe just one, I haven't found out, yet). So I woke up this morning and started searching for Baudelaire files on the website. Sure enough. And then, watching Mr. Rogers with Coley...um...you get the idea. I'm going slowly insane.

Now I not only have to work to refrain from talking about my blog with people in the real world...I also have to refrain from talking about my Sims. I'm slipping into an alternate reality. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhgh!

ETA: As of now, I haven't grown emotionally attached enough to any of my little sims to post pictures on this site...but, um, if I do...please...make it quick and painless, ok?

Posted at 10:11 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

He has a point...

January 26, 2005

Coley has been talking non-stop for about an hour or so. For the past 20 minutes or so, I have been attempting to cook lunch, and I'm finding myself talking out loud to myself just so I can think things through. Finally I broke down, and had this conversation with Coley:

Mama: Coley, can you PLEASE stop talking out loud for a little while. I can't hear myself think.

Coley: Why are you thinking?

Posted at 11:29 AM • Comments (6) • TrackBack

And...rape.

January 26, 2005

Amanda, as usual, is amazingly eloquent on a point that I've never been able to articulate. In response to Barry's post about rape statistics, Amanda says:

What a high incidence of rape suggests, though, is a pattern of sexual violence in our culture that is a direct result of male entitlement, and that in order to stop rape we have to eradicate male entitlement. The alarming thing is that in their desperation to secure male privilege, anti-feminists find themselves in a situation where they are arguing that we don’t have to worry about men’s power over women because men don’t avail themselves of their opportunity to rape except in very, very, very rare circumstances. To me, that’s like arguing that because the king is benevolent and only rarely has someone executed on a whim, it’s okay to have a king.

Right on.

And thanks to Trish for pointing the way.

Posted at 10:36 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

And, speaking of domestic violence

January 26, 2005

Shameless Agitator linked up this article which exposes inherent flaws in anti-gay marriage laws. Of course, beyond the obvious flaw of, like, it's not ok for the state to sponsor hatred and bigotry:

Backers of Issue 1 relied on religious fervor and anti-homosexual sentiment to get the measure into the state constitution. Now everyone, gay and straight, is going to have to pay the price.
Posted at 10:21 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Watch for the Protest on this one

January 26, 2005

P6 doesn't have a beef with this one:

Rep. Ben Bridges (R-Cleveland) on Tuesday introduced the Baby's Right to Know Act, which would require hospitals to ask the question. Bridges said his goal is to give children access to their full medical history by identifying the biological father and getting his name on the birth certificate. It would not legally require the new mother to name the man.

However, a man who impregnates a woman and intends to never support the child emotionally or financially WOULD. I'm assuming the purpose of this bill has a lot to do with enforcing support payments.

This sucks for the irresponsible sperm donor who doesn't care to pay for his child's upbringing, but it also sucks for the woman who maybe has escaped an abusive situation and wishes to raise her child without interference from the abusive "father." Remember kids, the state WANTS fathers to be responsible for payment of support, because it keeps mamas off of welfare rolls. I presume the state cares more about keeping the mama off of the welfare rolls than it does keeping the mama and child safe from a potentially abusive situation, but maybe that's just Me Being Bitter.

I'd be willing to bet that this bill is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Decent people (like P6) and people who have no experience with abusive relationships might not see the point of a mother refusing to identify the birth father. There is a point. And even though this bill doesn't require that he be named by law, it seems like a dangerously slippery slope to me.

Posted at 10:14 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Burning Door recounts the anti-inaugural protests

January 26, 2005

Authentic Replica: Dancing begins with the hips

We again marched to the barricades. This time the group was even less organized but after a concentrated effort and a count of three we rushed the barricades and succeeded in bringing part of it down. There was a very rapid retreat after the pepper spray made another appearance but according to the Washington Post, the presidential motorcade was momentarily paused because of the incident. I guess this was a small victory.
Posted at 9:56 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Baiting the insurance guys is so fun.

January 26, 2005

My Time At The Office yesterday was spent, once again, in meetings. Oh, and there was a fire drill. What are the odds of that? My second day at the office. I thought it was hilarious.

At any rate, the first meeting of the day was with the agents of our new health insurance plan. You probably know how this one goes. They hand out a sheet with all of the plan details, and they basically read it to you and pray to GOD that no one asks about anything sticky.

After they were done, I raised my hand to ask the question that I always love to ask insurance agents:

"How do you handle pregnancy and childbirth?"

The agent fumble for a second, and blurted out "Well, that's covered just like any other illness."

Thankfully, I work for an organization where all of the women in the room were at least SOMEWHAT taken aback by this. We all had a laugh, and the insurance guy tried to play it off by sort of picking on me (in a good natured way) the next time I asked a question. I snapped back at him "I haven't even started to ask you about birth control" and he looked so frightened that I couldn't bear to do it.

In essence, though, our new insurance plan makes having a baby TOTALLY expensive. On par with having a homebirth without insurance covering anything. It's freaking ridiculous. When I told J about this (no, there are no plans for babies in the works, it's just something I am always curious about) he mentioned that his brother's plan doesn't cover pregnancy and childbirth at all. They had to pay everything out of pocket.

Is this a new trend among insurance companys? When I had Monk, using an OB/GYN, I paid 20 bux for my initial visit and then not a penny more. And he had an extended hospital stay after birth, which was covered immediately under my plan, with no deductible. On my new plan, the baby instantly becomes covered with a new deductible to deal with. So I'd have to pay two deductibles, plus the cost for a hospital inpatient visit for both people. That IS about the cost of a homebirth paid in full out of pocket.

What gives? Are insurance companies trying to bankrupt family (not a surprise at all) or are they trying to drive people towards using midwives. At least these insurance agents knew what a midwife WAS when I asked that question. They said they THINK they cover midwifery, and I asked if it had to be a CNM, or if they also covered CPM's (in texas, a midwife can get certification as a "Practicing Midwife" - which is different from/less intensive than a "Nurse Midwife" a CPM is on par with a "lay midwife" which, in some states, is illegal. Maude bless the republic of Texas). He said they cover both...he THINKS. But I THINK he's probably wrong. I mean, at the least, they aren't in network...so it wouldn't be fully covered.

Still...how odd. And eye-opening.

All that and a fire drill, too. Ladies and gentlemen...it's been an exciting week.

Posted at 8:37 AM • Comments (1)

Rhythm vs. Structure

January 25, 2005

Yesterday was my first day at the office. Which means it was the first day I was officially required to put in my extra 8 hours of work without pay. All weekend, I busied myself composing long-winded diatribes against the people who were in charge of making this decision, but in the end, I simply complied. Whatever. I feel like my time at that job is limited, anyway...and when it comes down to it, I do enjoy my work. Eight hours at the office is not going to kill me, and it's not worth creating still more tension by starting arguments with my superiors about it. Besides, those 8 hours are mostly meetings, anyway. And, as I discovered yesterday, it's actually much more enjoyable to answer e-mail and phone calls at work while the children are elsewhere, playing with their friends.

So...a little grace is all I needed to get me through the day. A little grace and a lot of reconstructing the rhythm.

One of the best lessons I have learned about homeschooling that helps me both in my life and in our homeschooling lifestyle is the lesson about recognizing, honoring, and following a daily rhythm. I'm pretty sure the idea was first presented to me within the Oak Meadow curriculum, but it's something that has taken me years to really consciously understand.

Rhythm is like structure, but it's not rigid structure. A well-defined rhythm allows for change and adjustment, and still retains the important parts of the rhythm. For me, the rhythm enables me to set aside time for the children and for myself in our busy day. And if I can't do it one day - if I fall out of rhythm - I know that I will re-establish the next day. Rhythm is like skipping rope. If you miss the rope the first time through, you jump in next time. And if you want to incorporate new things into that rhythm, there are occasions where you get tangled in the rope, but you simply step out and wait for the right beat and try again.

Is that too abstract for you? Let me give you an example of our rhythm. I'm pretty sure I've done this before.

A normal weekday these days has us waking up and eating breakfast somewhere around 8 or 9. After that, we have chores and free play time until 10 AM or so (I used to be a real freak about time, but now I just sort of let things flow one into the other and it works. Because I have a job, I do have to stick within a certain time frame, but I have a little leeway, so I don't have to watch the clock)(I'm blowing off my chores this morning to write this, by the way...but I'll explain that later).

Mid-morning, we have morning circle - which consists of me reading stories and chapter books for 30-45 minutes, and then Monk has to do a "homework" assignment. I've started to make this more independent learning for Monk by posting the "assignments" and projects I would like for us to complete during the week. Monk gets to choose what he feels like working on at that point, and usually there are a few times when he can just blow it off. The unschooler in me resists even this degree of coercion, but I feel like at this point in his life and with our current situation, Monk really needs guidance more than absolute freedom. He seems to appreciate boundaries. I really feel like it makes him secure in an insecure time for him.

At any rate, homework time takes anywhere from 30-45 minutes, and then the kids play while I make lunch. We all sit down and eat together and then it's more chores/clean up/play time until around 1ish, at which point we either go to one of our many afternoon activities or we have another circle time/homework time.

Ebb and flow. Ebb and flow. If we stay home, we spend some afternoon time playing, dancing, or cleaning up together. One thing I really need to incorporate into the daily rhythm (and I get SO MUCH resistance from the kids, which drives me nuts) is a daily walk. Since it's winter, we can throw that into our afternoon with little difficulty, provided I get cooperation. I need to figure out how to convince them that it's a good idea. I haven't found that yet...mostly because I tend to be resistant to leaving the house, myself.

Late in the afternoon, most days, I take the kids to the babysitter (or their father) and go to work. After work, I pick them up. We get home, brush teeth, clean up the toys, and have bedtime circle and then bedtime. Occasionally, Monk will spend a little time catching up on his homework after Coley goes to bed. Sometimes Monk and I spend some time together playing a game.

That's pretty much our daily rhythm. Our weekends are similar, but involve more screen time and play time. Our monthly rhythm includes regular weekend activities with friends, including game night and movie night and potlucks and such. I change things up every season to adjust for changes in weather and outside activities. And it really keeps us going.

When I have to do something like suddenly figure out how to subtract 8 hours from my week without disrupting things horribly, I really just find a way to work it into our rhythm, if it's going to be a regular occurance. Whenever something fun comes up, I just say "To hell with the rhythm, let's do that!" and it seems to go over well. Or, like last week, even when I have a ton of errands to run and have to disrupt the rhythm for that...it seems to go really well.

I think the key is to spend some time really working on it. I didn't just come up with this rhythm spontaneously. I tried many, many things before I realized what worked best for us. And I had to jealously gaurd the rhythm for awhile to avoid disruption and chaos. Now, we're really flexible. We know we will snap back to. And I have also realized how much *I* crave a rhythmic day. Consistency. A logical transition from one activity to another. It sure sounds amazingly boring, but it's also incredibly reassuring - especially during times of upheaval and trauma. I sleep well at night, and so do the kids. We all know what comes next, to a reasonable degree...and we also all know that we have all of the freedom that being a homeschooling famly affords us, in terms of going out into the world, playing with friends, and having adventures.

To me, rhythm is a natural inward to outward flow, rather than an imposed external construction like structure. It is this established sanctity that has enabled me to make this transition (that I so totally dreaded) a not-so-scary reality for myself and for the kids. There's still some getting used to the new schedule to be done, but I feel like once it's established that our lives will maintain that same rhythm, the kids (and I) will be reassured and will be able to continue as before.

Oh, and...also. Sometimes we have weeks (like last week) where none of us is terribly interested in doing anything, and our rhythm is shot to hell. I used to let that discourage me, and would totally give up on everything. Now I just let that go. I allow for the kids to make those choices. I still offer circle time, but I don't freak out when it's not accepted by everyone. I assume that their needs differ at that time for whatever reason, and I find ways to get what I need during that time.

This post is for Scratchmittens...I hope it helps!

Posted at 9:36 AM • Comments (7) • TrackBack

The Shit Goes Down This Friday...

January 24, 2005

Er...which is code for "I am finally going to fucking upgrade the software at fullbleed.net so the bloggers there aren't inundated with fucking spam spam everywhere a spam spam." (see "other fullbleed blogs" section in far right sidebar to surf the bleed.)

So, if you would like to help us defeat the spamsters, feel free to donate money to our cause. If you are interested in having your blog hosted at fullbleed.net...let me know. Once we have the upgrade, the spam will be considerably less pernicious, and things should be very, very groovy.

All donators should also send me an address, and I will send out a thank-you mix CD.

Posted at 10:27 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

That boring old weekly to-do list.

January 21, 2005

You would not believe how helpful this list has been in keeping track of those larger and/or smaller projects.


Stuff I do every week

Stuff left over from previous weeks

Stuff I've added for this week

Posted at 11:10 AM • Comments (6) • TrackBack

Democracy.

January 21, 2005

I love what Tish says here about democracy.

Much is being made of the cost of the event. Is it unseemly in a time of war and in the aftermath of the world greatest natural disaster? I think it's unseemly at any time. These things should be decorous and contained. I think it is unseemly in light of the tension between us all. Americans like to think in terms of winners and losers. Democracy is more complex. Democracy is about finding a way to get all the voices in the room so that the conversation can be both expansive and inclusive. Democracy acknowledges the tension and seeks to govern not through the domination of a particular ideology but through the awareness that our institutions need to serve us all. Our institutions need to hold the tension and manage the more mundane process of how we spend our collective dollar.

I couldn't bear to listen to the inauguration proceedings, either. I did tune in to NPR on my way to work, and I was reminded how much I cannot stand the cadence of Bush's oration & how I really can't stand to listen to anything that man says, even if someone else wrote the words to make him sound inclusive and earnest.

I'm tired of rich white boys. I really, truly am. Maybe that's why I have such a difficult time paying attention to the news these days.

Posted at 9:53 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

What those anti-fat activists don't GET.

January 20, 2005

It seems like people who think I should be in a terminal state of panic about the size of my body really enjoy looking at statistics that point to the (alleged) physical healthy benefits that come from having a smaller body. But there really doesn't seem to be any consideration about the mental/spiritual/sexual health benefits I reap in the body that I'm in.

Here's my fat body affirmation for the day. I am not on death's door. My physical health is satisfactory to me for now, and if I deem that I need to start an exercise regimen above and beyond what I already do, I have the power to do that. However, I must weigh that change against how it affects the other components that comprise my WHOLE health. Meaning, if getting more exercise gets in the way of getting more sex...I'll probably choose sex. Mostly because I have a sex partner who satisfies my WHOLE body, and when I look at my excel spreadsheet that compares the cost/benefit analysis of sex v. more exercise, there are more benefits to sex than exercise at a given time.

Does this make sense? We each have a limited amount of hours in the day, and we each have choices that we make to fully maximize those hours and create a life that enriches our WHOLE health. That's why someone telling me that working out for 90 minutes a day is POSSIBLE is a total non-sequitor. Yes. I'll give you that it is POSSIBLE, but when compared with the other things that I feel I need to do to maintain the mental/spiritual/sexual and, yes, physical health of myself and my family - there are many other things that I do during the day that win out over 90 minutes of exercise.

Which is not to say that exercise is never enjoyable to me. It is QUITE enjoyable. But right now, navigating the time to have more exercise would require that I compromise too many things that are of a higher priority for my higher well-being...as well as that of my children...

Those things that take a higher priority include such things as listening to music with the lights out (while laying on the couch), taking slow walks around the neighborhood with the children, cooking delicious meals, reading, playing the Sims, talking to friends, dancing without worrying if I'm being "aerobic enough"...and much, much more. And I resent it that those needs for spiritual/mental/sexual stimulation are negligable in the eyes of people who look at my body and immediately jump to the conclusion that I am unhealthy if I am not prioritizing reducing the size of it over all else.

Posted at 10:11 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

I want to be Tish when I grow up.

January 20, 2005

Because, really...at this point, all I can think to say about someone like Kevin begins with an f, ends with an f, and has a uck of sandwiched in the middle.

Tish, however, at least attempts to communicate eloquently and respectfully. My motto is, respect, like a blowjob, is earned and reciprocal - if not in the same night, then at least within a reasonable interval.

And, quite honestly, since Kevin (or, at least his freaky altar-ego) feels compelled to endorse the idea that fat people are ugly, I should say that I find him to be quite leathery looking and unattractive. I wonder if Kevin knows the deleterious effects of too much exposure to the sun. Dude, try SUNSCREEN. And, sorry skinny guys, but I'm not into grinding bone on bone.

With that, I'll leave Kevin in his place where he belongs. It's clear he is only seeking the attention of fatties for some perverse reason that I will never comprehend. To paraphrase Tish, he can have his little corner of the internet. I'm perfectly happy to avoid it.

Mwah.

Posted at 9:42 AM • Comments (27) • TrackBack

Panoramas

January 20, 2005

Thanks to Zeebah for linking up this amazing collection of panoramas.

A sanctuary can also be seen as a refuge not just from the law, but from strife and turmoil. The Greeks and Romans recognized sacred groves and forest clearings as sanctuaries. We now use the term to describe areas where wildlife is protected from hunting and predation. Wildlife refuges large and small exist all over the world, especially to shelter migratory birds.
Posted at 9:22 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

A have a crush on amanda again.

January 20, 2005

Mouse Words: Hate to say I told you so

His idea of what people do in bed is vastly different from mine. I can see it now--a nubile co-ed in the arms of a hunky frat boy on a Friday night.

"Oh honey, let's forget the condom tonight. On Monday, I can go just wait in line for 3 hours at Planned Parenthood to get a prescription for Plan B, drive over to Walgreen's and get it filled and then significantly reduce my chances of getting pregnant, even though I still may." Mmmm....sexy.

She is the best fisker ever!

Posted at 9:04 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

My kids are so...vocabularic!

January 19, 2005

Coley, playing with his pirate ship:

"I will get you and make you walk the PLANK. MOOO-HEE-HAHAHAHA."

"Oh no! This is a CAS-tro-fee!"

"Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!"

"Ahoy, may-pee! Poist the sails and bat-ton down the PATCHES!"

Posted at 4:05 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Kids' consumer awareness resources.

January 19, 2005

for Melanie:


Zillions: Consumer Reports Online for kids

Don't Buy It!

Hey Kidz! Buy This Book: A Radical Primer on Corporate and Governmental Propaganda and Artistic Activism for Short People (not a website, but a book that was mentioned today on StaleyG's livejournal. I don't have it. Yet.)

Any other resources out there?

Posted at 11:27 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Giving

January 19, 2005

I think I mentioned before that the children will be sending this months' allowances to Tsunami relief organizations. I will be matching their contribution. It's not much, but it's all I feel like we can afford to give.

That said, I think that I would like to make charitable donations part of our weekly financial transactions. I had wanted to get Monk involved in a volunteer organization by this time, but Coley is not compatible with most of those types of situations, and I'd like to involve the children in some sort of charitable giving soon, to make it more a part of their lives than it was for me.

Monk receives a pretty decent allowance every week - one dollar for each year of his age. It's more than I can afford, really, but I've set it up with him so that he puts half of his allowance into a savings fund and keeps half for spending. The savings is long-term savings (so it's like I'm forcing myself to contribute to a savings account to Monk) and he has to put half of all money he receives into that account, including any money he receives as a gift or whatever.

The rest of the money, he can spend as he sees fit. However, he is responsible for buying birthday gifts for his friends and pretty much ANY non-educational toy or game. This has already helped us to make wise spending choices. I've taught Monk to do research about toys that he would like prior to spending money on them - like that COOL NEW yu-gi-oh card holder that really is an expensive piece of crap (I am SO GLAD we read the amazon reviews of that product and decided not to buy it.)

What I'm thinking is that I would like for them both (Coley gets an allowance, too...but he's clearly too young to really be the slightest bit interested in how money works) to contribute a set amount of money each week towards some charitable cause. I'm not sure how much it should be, but the idea is that we will add to that pot every week, and donate it to an organization quarterly or annually.

I'd much rather have Monk actively participating in charity, but this is the best way that I can see getting him involved in giving in our current situation.

Posted at 8:59 AM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

I feel all warm and fuzzy.

January 19, 2005

And it's not because there is a giant caterpillar in my pants. It's because the ladies at blogliners have made this the blog of the day.

Thanks! And...nice site!

Posted at 8:40 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

This can't be for real

January 18, 2005

Someone please tell me that this incredibly offensive commercial is a fake. I can't find any information on it anywhere except where I found the link. And I can not spend any more time looking.

Posted at 10:37 AM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

An interesting look at age of consent...

January 18, 2005

SistersTalk

Let's review the 11 states that passed laws banning gay marriage between consenting adults. I want to look at the age the law allows grown men to have sex with teenage girls in these same states

[link via, and further information at BlogSisters]

Posted at 10:21 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Volsunga on 50/50 custody

January 18, 2005

In response to this Guardian article about potential penalties for denying access, Sofia has this to say:

If Fathers 4 Justice claim to be working with the best interests of the child in mind, they must reject these proposals. Jailing the parent who fails to comply would greatly affect the children, and this legislation would put the “right” of the parent before the welfare of the child. After all, if F4J were really so concerned about the “terrible” plight of children who lose contact with fathers, their time and energy would be better spent pursuing those fathers who abandon their children, and persuading them to re-establish contact.

This, particularly what Sofia says about the inflexibility of 50/50 parenting arrangements really hits home to me. My arrangement isn't 50/50, but it's close enough to be EXTREMELY inflexible. Last night, for instance, Monk wanted to stay home rather than go to his papa's house. I was in the position of having to facilitate that for him without pissing off his dad...and it's a position that I don't enjoy being in. My ex believes that having the children as much as he does is his right. I feel like it's a way to interfere with the natural flow of parenting. After all, if the children were with a sitter in the evening, I would not have to check with them to ensure Monk was able to stay where he wanted to stay last night.

Shared parenting requires that both parents honor and respect the children above everything else. These kinds of arrangements can't be made and carried out in relationships in which one parent attempts to exert control over the other parent, using the children as the tool to that end.

Unfortunately, many relationships end BECAUSE of control issues, so parenting arrangements can't be based upon a relationship model in which both parents have equal footing.

Posted at 8:58 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

The Joys of high speed internet

January 18, 2005

Mind you, I have high-speed internet at work, so it wasn't like I was totally unaware of the joys of a zippy connection. But there are certain things one can partake of at home with a high speed connection that one cannot partake of at work. And I am partaking right now.

You know what I'm talking about. NPR. All. Day. Long. How awesome! Democracy Now! Even, occasionally (as long as Al Franken isn't on and Randi Rhodes isn't telling me "I don't care of Homer Simpson is the candidate, you need to vote for a democrat in the next election.") Air America Radio.

So, tell me, what do you do with your high speed internet access that I might not have thought of yet?

Posted at 8:24 AM • Comments (9) • TrackBack

Coming Home.

January 17, 2005

Seven families lay their fallen soldiers to rest. (a photo essay by Paul Fusco/Magnum.)

See also: the accompanying text. The story behind the photos.

Posted at 10:15 AM • TrackBack

Among the many things I won't be able to do on Jan 20th

January 17, 2005

I have to work, but you might be interested in joining in the protests.

Posted at 10:12 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

If there is a heaven

January 17, 2005

he is most certainly there.

[link via jason]

Posted at 9:27 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Transracial Abduction

January 17, 2005

Dawn linked up to this article about the intentions of some who adopt babies from other cultures.

It reminds me of the asshole I used to work for and his annoying wife, who used to talk about their future "oriental" baby as if "it" was some sort of status symbol...or dog.

Posted at 8:57 AM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Mugshots.

January 17, 2005

Can someone explain why I am so fascinated by these 1940's mugshots?

[link via uffish]

Posted at 8:40 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Love.

January 17, 2005

rabbit blog

You're wasting your fucking time. Whenever someone really digs you, you go numb. Whenever you really like someone, you decide to just ignore the fact that they don't like you nearly as much. Or maybe you married someone, and now you give that person your worst possible self day after day, and then wonder why they look so crumpled and lame to you now. Go ahead, put it off, get back to work. Love is only the greatest fucking thing in the entire universe, but hey, you've got a presentation to finish, and besides, you can't really change anything, and only flakes and dreamers care about this shit.

[via randomwalks]

Posted at 8:33 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

An Excellent response.

January 16, 2005

Jennifer has Kevin Beck pegged with this restrained yet cutting comment (which I'm posting in its entirity in case Kevin decides to delete it):

Paul, if I may, allow me to take a stab at the reasoning (if you could call it that) of the attacks this person has made against the idea of fat acceptance in general and specifically your blog.

Some people, and Kevin here is apparently one of them, are very invested in the idea that fat is bad. They may feel that they have social status associated with their smaller body size, and/or that they have worked hard and long to achieve their thin body. Thus, the idea that it might be actually OK to be fat sends them into a tailspin. What, all that energy I've poured into self hatred and body work are for naught? You mean if I were fat I'd still be a worthy person and maybe even attractive, too? This flies in the face of all they have been taught, and much of what they have worked toward in life. As you can imagine, the tenets of size acceptance are not taken to be very good news.

I ran across this attitude during my much publicised disagreement with Jazzercise over whether or not I should be allowed to teach for them, despite my undisputed qualifications. A number of instructors supported me and cheered me on in my efforts to get them to remove the "leaner than the public" requirement that they used to have. But some other instructors viewed me as unwilling to "do the work" it takes to lose weight, and clearly inferior to them because of my body size. Their rationale was, they worked hard to achieve the body they have, why am I not willing to work hard to change mine?

Here's a news flash: fat acceptance is hard work. It is not easy to run counter to the powerful anti-fat sentiment which pervades our culture right now. It's not always easy to accept onesself, or to allow others to accept themselves, as Kevin here seems to find so threatening. Kevin can take comfort in the fact that, for every Big Fat Blog poster, there are a thousand people on the Weight Watchers boards hating themselves and obsessing over food and exercise. It's not a life I choose for myself, and I think I should be allowed to live this way without slanderous comments from people like our blogger here.

[link via big fat blog, and Tish]

Remind me to write about my feelings during and after watching Supersize Me.

Oh, and...NINETY MINUTES a day? she-yeah...right! It's hilarious, because by saying that people need to work out NINETY MINUTES A DAY to lose weight, they are only proving that losing weight is practically impossible in the context of the current American social structure.

Posted at 9:49 AM • Comments (6) • TrackBack

Let them eat insufficient body armor!

January 16, 2005

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | Ring of steel as Bush sworn in

Democrats have criticised the $40m celebrations as a tasteless display of excess, saying tradition dictates that wartime inaugurations are restrained affairs. The Republicans' response has been that the whole event is dedicated to US soldiers serving abroad.

The inauguration has been officially subtitled "Celebrating Freedom and Honouring Service". The party also pointed out that the bill would be paid entirely by private contributions.

Yeah, but those same "private contributions" could be used to pay our soldiers a living wage. At the very least.

[link via living on less]

Posted at 9:32 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Fog of War

January 15, 2005

I was checking out the website for the movie The Fog Of War, to see if it was appropriate for Monk to watch the video with me. It turns out Monk's not really interested anyway, but they have a pretty decent and very thorough lesson plan for probably junior high to high school aged kids.

Oh, how I love having high speed internet access at home!

Posted at 6:48 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Patches

January 15, 2005

Does anyone know where i can get some cool patches...of the sew-on variety? I'd love either political patches or groovy cool flowery kind of ones.

I suppose I could always just get some groovy fabric from the fabric store. Or, better yet, if anyone has any remnants of groovy fabrics, let me know, and you can dump them on me. I have a couple pairs of pants and a skirt I need to patch.

Thanks!

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DON'T fuck with me.

January 15, 2005

Gah. I'm like THIS close to getting my period, and I am filled with barely containable rage for everything.

I tried to take the dog to get her flea treatment and shots, but was thwarted because the low-price clinic has a 3 hour wait (which basically means they aren't taking any more clients today, since they close in less than 3 hours). I guess I will take her tomorrow. The problem is that she is a total freak around other dogs when I have her on a leash, so I will have to keep her in the car while we wait. What the fuck am I supposed to do with my children for the wait time, I suppose?

I think when I have my period, I become acutely attuned to how freaking inconvenient everything in the whole freaking world is when you are a single parent. The world is not aligned to accommodate my needs in any way. I am sure that I could drop the kids off with a friend on Sunday, but the last freaking thing in the world I want to spend my precious child-free time doing is sitting in the parking lot of the vet clinic with my neurotic dog, waiting to be served. I love my dog, but we really don't have that much to talk about.

But, she desperately needs some Frontline, more than anything else, and it's either that or, gasp, pay full price for the stuff. So, yeah. I will figure something out.

I am rewarding my children with lemonade and videos for their ability to deal with their hormonally insane mother these past couple of days. I keep telling them that it's not their fault that I am so grouchy and hyper-sensitive. I'm even thinking of ordering pizza tonight. We will drink a toast of lemonade and consume cheesy triangles in honor of the menstrual goddess. All hail!

Posted at 3:43 PM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

No Words Necessary.

January 15, 2005

mquest

Posted at 2:00 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

I want to marry Lemony Snicket

January 15, 2005

For this and for so many other reasons.

Monk and I have decided that we are going to dedicate an upcoming potluck to The Series of Unfortunate Events. We are going to make Putanesca, Chilled Cucumber Soup, casserole, lasagna, enchiladas, and a number of other things the children eat in the books. Gum will also be served. I am even going to attempt to make parsley soda. hahaha.

It should be fun, and Monk is really psyched about it.

Posted at 1:36 PM • Comments (5) • TrackBack

White Citizens of Tulia

January 14, 2005

...who feel they are being demonized by the media can really just suck my left one.

Posted at 6:39 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

I can't say the same about my divorce...

January 14, 2005

...but this is such a well-crafted analogy, I had to link it up.

I’m not sure how to explain to people that our mutual regard is partly just the sheer relief of finding yourself reminded of a very bad situation you managed to escape. And the situation wasn’t Xman, it was the whole horrible institution of marriage that we somehow got dragged into. So when I run into him, I think we look at each other like, “remember that time we were on a sinking ship
Posted at 12:56 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Was this inevitable?

January 14, 2005

Iraq War May Incite Terror, CIA Study Says

The "dispersion of the experienced survivors of the conflict in Iraq" to other countries will create a new threat in the coming 15 years, especially as the Al Qaeda network mutates into a volatile brew of independent extremist groups, cells and individuals, according to the report by the National Intelligence Council.

I can't tell if I should be frightened, or relieved.

[link via Prometheus 6]

Posted at 12:11 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

To-do, to-do...sans the weekly locksmith rant! yay!

January 14, 2005

Stuff left over from previous weeks

Stuff I've added for this week

Stuff I do every week

Posted at 9:32 AM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

Friday Random Ten

January 14, 2005

Rox Populi : Friday Random Ten - Do I Really Own This Shit? Edition

  1. The Smiths - Sheila Take a Bow
  2. A Tribe Called Quest - Electric Relaxation (Instrumental)
  3. Bikini Kill?? - Mustache
  4. John Lennon - Imagine
  5. The Jesus and Mary Chain - Far Gone and Out
  6. Barry Louis Polisar - Lucky to be Alive
  7. Buzzcocks - I Need
  8. A Tribe Called Quest - Verses From the Abstract
  9. No Doubt (YUck!) - Platinum Blonde
  10. Lords of the New Church - Live For Today

ETA:
Jason's Random Ten is here.

Posted at 9:24 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Affirmations from strange places...

January 14, 2005

Lately, I've been really down on myself for having not applied for that job, and for my situation at work. What I decided this week was that I would just have to throw myself at work and do the things that I know I am good at. Primarily, that means talking to people and getting them interested in the program. So I made client calls pretty much all week, and I feel like I was able to convey sincere enthusiasm for the program. I'm still not pleased with my employer, but I do feel very strongly about the program, and I can at least offer that.

But more than just feeling down with my employer, I have felt down with myself for maybe not being fully present at work over the past year. I feel like I have missed a lot, and not just the opportunity for advancement, because I'm not all that concerned about that...more like I haven't applied myself as much as I know that I can.

But during mediation today, one of the mediators said something in restating my words that really made sense. It was two things, actually. First, she told me that what she was hearing me say was that this situation was wearing on me, and I feel burdened...and then she also said that she heard FEAR.

After mediation (in which nothing was resolved) I sat in my car and cried. It just struck me, after hearing that validation, that I have been living in a highly traumatic situation for more than 4 years now. I don't think I've allowed myself to breathe that in...to appreciate how well I have held it together through all of this. I don't think I've allowed myself to fall apart for a moment, either. I've been too busy taking care of everyone else's needs, including my employer. And, quite honestly, the uncertainty of my job has been present through that entire time, as well - which has only added to the trauma.

It's really no wonder I just want to run and hide from everything. It's a wonder I haven't done so already. And, you know what? I deserve a fucking break. Yeah, I haven't survived a tsunami, but I have survived an intensely emotionally draining and abusive relationship, and I have managed to carve out a little world in which the children and I can live in peace. Just hearing someone who didn't know me say that they heard FEAR in what I was saying helped me to understand more fully how intensely I am feeling this situation, and how much I require closure. Soon.

And sanctuary. Of some sort. Once the closure happens, I will need sanctuary. Because I'm worried there WILL be a tsunami in the aftermath of all of this. There's certainly going to be a huge vacuum. And shifting techtonic plates.

So I allowed myself some time to take all of that in before I went to pick up my kiddos. And then the kids and I played and played and tickled and steamrollered and played...and I dropped them off and went to work, where I saw a former co-worker of mine who now works at the school where our program is based, and for some reason I told him about the promotion I didn't apply for because of my children, and he hugged me and told me I was making the right decision. That I should know that. I mean, I really barely said anything to him, but it's like he could tell that there was a lot on my mind, and he sensed, somehow, that I needed to hear a voice OUTSIDE of my head telling me that everything would be OK. And the most wonderful part of all is that in spite of the fact that this person is very religious, he did not say anything like "the lord will provide" but rather "everything happens for a reason" - which is a much nicer way for me to hear it. And the hug was very nice, too.

I'm happy, also, because the custodian who cleans our section of the school likes us now. We started the year off horribly, and he was just really mean to us for no reason even though I tried and tried to engage him in pleasant conversation. He HATED us! And, you know, I'm totally OK with someone hating me because I'm obnoxious or irritating or any of a number of reasons, but it really freaking bugs me when someone hates me for no reason. Particularly when it's someone who is cleaning up after me. I didn't like the dynamic at all. And now he is totally pals with us, which is really nice.

I am paying extra close attention to things like this. They ease my mind, if not my burden.

J also came by tonight and gave me a nice, albeit brief, backrub while I was on the phone with a client...as well as some lucious smooching in the parking lot, which is always a nice way to spend a portion of a lunch break. He eases my mind, too. I think about him a lot when things are bad. About his timing. About his presence. It's truly a wonderful thing, and I think it's one of the main reasons I've been able to weather a lot of this trauma. I know I have repressed a lot of it, but I also know that J and K8 and many other people have helped immensely just by listening to my endless processing about the situation without judging me, and without even necessarily offering advice. But affirmation. Affirmation and validation. It comes from the usual places, as well as the unusual. And I am thankful for the relationships I have cultivated and maintained during these trying times.

Posted at 12:21 AM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

AND...

January 13, 2005

Those of you who read my weekly to-do lists will be pleased to note that the locksmith FINALLY came through and fixed the ignition problem WHILE I WAS IN MEDIATION. Rock. One less thing for my list!

Posted at 3:55 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

ladies and gentlemen...

January 13, 2005

I now have DSL.

zippy!

Posted at 3:41 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Snowflake Factory

January 12, 2005

Yesterday was another atypical day for us, since the kids and I only had the morning together. I had various work things to attend to in the afternoon, so we just had morning circle over breakfast. I read from Hostile Hospital, Old Dog Spot, and Coley's selection was The Lion Who Wanted to Love - which is a book about an outcast, vegetarian lion and is one of my absolute favorite books in our collection. Monk was supposed to get started on his "Numbers to 100" section in his math text, but he chose to put it off until later.

Then Cole and I spent the morning working in the snowflake factory...which basically meant that I was in charge of folding sheets of construction paper so coley could make snowflakes. I showed coley how to do paper weaving, which is something I had completely forgotton about until just at that moment.

Coley made about a zillion and a half snowflakes, but (the evil) mama had to close the snowflake factory so we could have lunch, and then the kiddos went to a friend's house so I could work. They played and played while I worked and worked, and by the time I picked them up, I was a tiny bit richer, and they were a lot more tired. So I dropped them off at papa's and went to work again (yes, I love how I'm responsible for hauling them all over town to accommodate their father, who can't be bothered to utilize public transportation, but CAN mark my punctuality (or lack thereof) by sending me screenshots of his e-mail window to prove that I never e-mailed him to tell him I would most likely be late today.

Work, work, work, then back to see my babies, who were pleased to see me. Then bedtime circle with more of the same books, except Coley's selection was a book about the Stone age, which reminded me that I have to order some clay so we can do some fun pinchpots and other such projects. Does anyone know where I can order that standard gray air-dryable clay stuff?

I also need to order the next level of Singapore Math. Monk only has one more chapter to go, and we'll be done with 1A. He rocks!

Posted at 1:02 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

Homeschooling Updates

January 11, 2005

I wanted to try to start doing daily homeschooling updates as a form of keeping records, as well as to sort of share what our homeschooling rhythm feels like (although I doubt it can be accurately represented by words on a page.) However, I'm not sure how interesting this would be if I did it every day. I'm going to give it a shot anyway, and see how it goes.

Yesterday was an early start for us, in terms of getting out of the house. We had an appointment at the University for a "Solar Tour" put on by the Astronomy department. They do public and school tours by appointment, and I just petitioned the field trip co-op to see if there was any interest & went ahead and scheduled something. It turned out to be a nice little field trip. We saw a slide show about the sun, and another about telescopes. They have a telescope which allows you to view the sun, but it was too cloudy for us to actually get an image, so we went up on the roof to see the solar telescope and then further up to see the other telescope.

The kids had a great time, but I'm sort of thinking that the next field trip I plan is going to be restricted to older kids. The kids are GREAT...no question about that at all, but I feel like Monk is always doing field trips with the younger kiddos (6 and under) and I would actually rather he do field trips with an older crowd. They adjust the material according to the predominant age group. Either way, though, I learned a few things, and I'm pretty sure Monk did too, even though he said he already knew EVERYTHING about the sun. Ha!

While walking through the astronomy department, I had pangs of wanting to go to college. It happens sometimes. It used to happen a lot when I worked on the U of C campus and would go to the library there. The buildings were so gorgeous, I could imagine myself camping out and learning stuff all day long. Seeing people in their offices researching stuff did the same thing to me. I don't think I would study astronomy, though. It seems like an extremely cool department, though. Nestled in there right between physics and Math.

We went home after the field trip and had lunch. I took the kids to Tamale House, since it was on the way, and talked a little about what I used to do in Austin before I had kids. I used to live near Tamale House, and I would walk there on Saturdays to get my migas or breakfast tacos. And me and L used to live pretty close. Tamale House used to be a weekly occurance in the house. It's like fast food, only they actually cook everything there, and the people there still know me by sight and by name even though I don't go very often anymore.

In the afternoon, Monk had his gaming club at Dragon's Lair. I had arranged with another mom to leave Monk there and bring cole home, since the last time I tried to stay the entire 2 hours with Cole it was an utter disaster. Plus I'm strangely resistent to talking to Other Moms. Don't ask me why...they seem pleasant enough. Maybe I just feel like my quota of friends and acquaintances is at capacity. But Monk seemed to have fun. I went to pick him up on foot. R left her stroller here, so I threw an oversized Cole into it and hoofed it up, and it was great. The way back wasn't so great, because Monk insisted on complaining the entire time.

On the way there, though, with that time to think, I reached a couple of conclusions that will help me get through this transition. First, I need to spend more time walking in silence. I realize now that my inability to come up with interesting things to write about is the result of my not taking the bus anymore. I used to come up with all sorts of ideas while walking to the bus stop. All sorts of interesting ways to look at problems - from personal dilemmas to huge world issues. I don't have that anymore, and it can't be healthy.

Secondly, I figured out that there's no sense in setting my new schedule at work until the divorce is finalized. Certainly they will understand that! Certainly if they are going to tack 8 extra hours onto my week, they can at least give me a month to find suitable care for my children!

By the way, I keep waiting for them to ask me when I am going to start working those extra hours, so I can respond "Well...let's see...when does my new pay rate take effect again?" Of course, I will laugh like it's a big joke, but if they are at all human, they won't find it the slightest bit funny.

It has yet to be determined if they are human.

At any rate, I was talking about our homeschool day, not complaining about the job. So, Monk and I argued all the way home, but we managed to make up before they went to papa's house for the evening. And then, when we all got home last night, we read a little homemade animal book that coley chose, _The Three Billy Goats Gruff_, a chapter of _Old Dog Scott_ by Scott Bailey, and Chapter 8 or _The Hostile Hospital_ by Lemony Snicket.

Cole was asleep by the end of that, and Monk wanted to read the book that his papa gave him. I told him to just turn off the light before he went to bed. He came to visit me 20 minutes later or so and apologized for staying up past his bedtime. What a crazy, lovable kid he is.

It was a good day. A full day. I think we all had a lot of fun. It's sort of an unusual week here for us because there are so many other things going on, but I've got a plan to fit a lot of stuff in amongst the fun-ness...we'll see if I'm coherent enough to do it!