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« July 2005 | Main | September 2005 »

Coleen is OK

August 31, 2005

I cruised by Coleen's blog last night in hopes that I would find a post by her in the aftermath of Katrina. I did:

it's kind of amazing how hard it is for me to relax and write while standing up. I am overwhelmed by all of this, all of this, you know, the unanswered and unanswerable questions like, when can I go home and do I have a home, are all of my loved ones safe, I don't know, I just don't know, and, it's a lot like my feelings of september 2001, I have worries about my friends and family members and concerns for my own safety and uncertain future and then I am caught up in a massive guilt attack because I am so lucky, I am alive and housed, clothed and fed, I am here, I am somewhere.

I was/am relieved.

Coleen, if you need to/can get out to Austin for awhile...I have a spare room and a whole lotta love for you, mama.

Yum! Food Blog.

August 31, 2005

I just found a great local food blog, the Austin Food Data Bank. The author is vegetarian, and he reviewed my favorite restaurant. Check it out.

Intelligent Design and Social Darwinism. Together Forever.

August 31, 2005

Q: What are the True Believers of "Intelligent Design" going to call "Social Darwinism"?

A: Why, it's calledcapitalism, of course.

A system that spends billions of public dollars on outer space transit, but cannot provide adequate funds for inner city transit, is no longer worth sustaining. A system that nurtures individual consciousness stressing the care of homeless pets, while clouding social consciousness to the reality of homeless humans, is dysfunctional and beyond repair. And a system that squanders billions on murdering foreigners and claims it is spreading democracy and peace should be characterized as what it is: criminally insane. And we may be the same, the longer we allow it to hide behind the high priced legal representation of corporate government that rationalizes these things as acceptable and normal aspects of life.

As opposed to collectivism:

Thanks to the philosophy of social Darwinism, white, well-bred intellectuals at the turn of the century had discovered that evolution’s peak had turned out to be, by happy coincidence, themselves. Darwin himself qualified his own thoughts on the struggle to survive to acknowledge the role of cooperation. Unfortunately, we have largely inherited our ideas on competition from the irresponsible extrapolation of one-sided ideas about survival in the wild, with poverty seen as the inevitable, if unfortunate, corollary of a universal law in which the weak are winnowed out by the powerful. By this logic, the latter are justified in grabbing what resources they can, while duking it out among themselves. This spectral notion has haunted everything from business management theory to classical economic thinking. It has both endorsed and trivialized the coercive character of capital-driven power relations. Kropotkin wrote of the mindset of his British colleagues in his 1902 magnum opus, Mutual Aid. “They came to conceive of the animal world as a world of perpetual struggle among half-starved individuals, thirsting for one another’s blood. They made modern literature resound with the war cry of woe to the vanquished, as if it were the last word of modern biology. They raised the pitiless struggle for personal advantages to the height of a biological principle which man must submit to as well, under the menace of otherwise succumbing in a world based upon mutual extermination.”

Now, which idea sounds more intelligent to you?

UNBEFUCKINGLIEVABLE.

August 31, 2005

FUCKING HYPOCRITES.

(OK, I've reverted to shouting unintelligibly at my computer monitor. It really is time for me to "move it out, buddy."

Hurricane Katrina on AM Radio

August 31, 2005

Oh My Fucking God, please remind me to never listen to AM radio talk shows ever again during my long drive out to the country to pick up the children...or any other time.

If you think the wingnuts in the blogosphere are bad, you really don't want to hear the absolute insane nuts who are calling up talk shows with their bizarre rants about the foreign aid that is NOT being offered to us in the aftermath of Katrina.

Never mind that SOMEONE, in fact, really does seem to care very much about lower income Americans in the wake of this disaster. Hint: It's NOT Mr. Tamborine man. (Oh wait...you say that's a GUITAR?) The insane loonies don't even realize their desires for isolationism totally fucking contradict their insistence upon offering up more soldiers to the war machine in Iraq. Basically, we're only supposed to refuse to offer HUMANITARIAN aid...not, like, WAR aid. Or something.

Holy fucking shit. There is something very, very wrong with this country. My head is fucking spinning. I'm sure this post is not even articulate, because I am soooooo tired, but I had to just let it go before heading off to bed.

[links in this rant were provided by commenters on this post at Pandagon.]

Oh, shit...don't even get me started on the fucking Einsteins who were calling in to advocate that fucking "looters" be shot on sight. It was especially telling when one of the callers very CLEARLY enunciated the words "cotton-picking" in reference to "the looters."

Fuck. You know? Just fuck.

bahaha.

August 30, 2005

Bush Not Found In Crawford

In Memorium

August 30, 2005

I've been debating with myself all day about whether or not I should write this post, not knowing whether or not it is any of my business as a mere acquaintance in spite of deep admiration. But The Badger family has been in my thoughts all day, and this blog is about my thoughts, so I guess that answers my dilemma.

My very deepest sympathies go out to Ms. Badge and her son. I can't even imagine what they are going through right now...what they've been through...what's to come. I wish I had more to offer than my words, and my tears.

If you have something more to offer, here is where you can go.

Music Meme!

August 30, 2005

Pandagon: Irresistible meme-age

Basically the meme is this--go to Music Outfitters, type the year of your high school graduation into the search function, select the top 100 most popular songs, cut and paste it onto your blog and then bold the ones you like, strike out the ones you hate, and leave alone the ones you don't care about or don't know.

1. Walk Like An Egyptian, Bangles
2. Alone, Heart
3. Shake You Down, Gregory Abbott
4. I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me), Whitney Houston
5. Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now, Starship
6. C'est La Vie, Robbie Nevil
7. Here I Go Again, Whitesnake
8. The Way It Is, Bruce Hornsby and the Range (I like the piano riff in this song.)
9. Shakedown, Bob Seger
10. Livin' On A Prayer, Bon Jovi
11. La Bamba, Los Lobos
12. Everybody Have Fun Tonight, Wang Chung
13. Don't Dream It's Over, Crowded House
14. Always, Atlantic Starr
15. With Or Without You, U2
16. Looking For A New Love, Jody Watley
17. Head To Toe, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
18. I Think We're Alone Now, Tiffany (I'm not striking it out because I can't see this song title without thinking about the Screeching Weasel cover of it.)
19. Mony Mony, Billy Idol
20. At This Moment, Billy Vera and The Beaters
21. Lady In Red, Chris De Burgh
22. Didn't We Almost Have It All, Whitney Houston
23. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, U2
24. I Want Your Sex, George Michael
25. Notorious, Duran Duran
26. Only In My Dreams, Debbie Gibson
27. (I've Had) The Time Of My Life, Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
28. The Next Time I Fall, Peter Cetera and Amy Grant
29. Lean On Me, Club Nouveau
30. Open Your Heart, Madonna
31. Lost In Emotion, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
32. (I Just) Died In Your Arms, Cutting Crew
33. Heart And Soul, T'pau
34. You Keep Me Hangin' On, Kim Wilde
35. Keep Your Hands To Yourself, Georgia Satellites
36. I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me), Aretha Franklin and George Michael
37. Control, Janet Jackson
38. Somewhere Out There, Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram
39. U Got The Look, Prince
40. Land Of Confusion, Genesis
41. Jacob's Ladder, Huey Lewis and The News
42. Who's That Girl, Madonna
43. You Got It All, Jets
44. Touch Me (I Want Your Body), Samantha Fox
45. I Just Can't Stop Loving You, Michael Jackson and Siedah Garrett
46. Causing A Commotion, Madonna
47. In Too Deep, Genesis
48. Let's Wait Awhile, Janet Jackson
49. Hip To Be Square, Huey Lewis and the News
50. Will You Still Love Me?, Chicago
51. Little Lies, Fleetwood Mac (reminds me of being at the swimming pool)
52. Luka, Suzanne Vega
53. I Heard A Rumour, Bananarama
54. Don't Mean Nothing, Richard Marx
55. Songbird, Kenny G
56. Carrie, Europe
57. Don't Disturb This Groove, System
58. La Isla Bonita, Madonna
59. Bad, Michael Jackson
60. Sign 'O' The Times, Prince
61. Change Of Heart, Cyndi Lauper
62. Come Go With Me, Expose
63. Can't We Try, Dan Hill
64. To Be A Lover, Billy Idol
65. Mandolin Rain, Bruce Hornsby and the Range
66. Breakout, Swing Out Sister
67. Stand By Me, Ben E. King
68. Tonight, Tonight, Tonight, Genesis
69. Someday, Glass Tiger
70. When Smokey Sings, ABC
71. Casanova, Levert
72. Rhythm Is Gonna Get You, Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine
73. Rock Steady, Whispers
74. Wanted Dead Or Alive, Bon Jovi
75. Big Time, Peter Gabriel
76. The Finer Things, Steve Winwood
77. Let Me Be The One, Expose
78. Is This Love, Survivor
79. Diamonds, Herb Alpert
80. Point Of No Return, Expose
81. Big Love, Fleetwood Mac
82. Midnight Blue, Lou Gramm
83. Something So Strong, Crowded House
84. Heat Of The Night, Bryan Adams
85. Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You, Glenn Medeiros
86. Brilliant Disguise, Bruce Springsteen
87. Just To See Her, Smokey Robinson
88. Who Will You Run Too, Heart
89. Respect Yourself, Bruce Willis (Oh my fucking god...I had totally put this song out of my head until just now.)
90. Cross My Broken Heart, Jets
91. Victory, Kool and The Gang
92. Don't Get Me Wrong, Pretenders
93. Doing It All For My Baby, Huey Lewis and The News
94. Right On Track, Breakfast Club
95. Ballerina Girl, Lionel Richie
96. Meet Me Half Way, Kenny Loggins
97. I've Been In Love Before, Cutting Crew
98. (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right To Party, Beastie Boys (although admittedly, at the time, this song totally clashed with my straight-edge leanings.)
99. Funkytown, Pseudo Echo (a friend made a brilliant mix of this song, alternating between the Lipps, Inc. version and the Agitprop version. I don't know if I even ever hear the Pseudo Echo version, but I know that I liked this song in 1987)
100. Love You Down, Ready For The World

Looking at this list, it's actually amazing how many of these songs I totally don't recognize. Especially when you consider how much music I *did* listen to in that era, being forever plugged in to my portable listening device, and always ready to trade tapes and mixes. I was so immersed in my little subculture that I rarely listened to the radio, and so I got through the year relatively unphased by all of the crappy music out there.

I graduated early in December of 1987, but the rest of "my class" graduated in the summer of 1988. I'm frankly scared to look at that top 100.

People are the best part of nature.

August 29, 2005

Much of my vacation was spent traveling down dusty, under-utilized roads. We managed to avoid most major cities, and the cities we did visit were few and far between & relatively sparse.

So when I arrived in Austin via IH-35 coming south from Waco and witnessed the vast sea of cars with their harried drivers, I was amazed at how easily I made the transition from dusty desolation to frantic fecundity. I just started staring at all of the cars surrounding me, amazed at the lives that were contained within each. With all of the memories of my own journey fresh in my mind, I couldn't help but wonder what types of adventures were bubbling beneath the surfaces of all of those people.

Returning from a 5 day road trip in an un-air-conditioned car and still seeing the beauty in the people around you would indicate that the vacation was, indeed, a success.

Nature
by Michael Franti

Sitting in the green grass
watching the strange
world of ants

Nature!
at the beach
watching rocks smash
into pebbles
and whisper into sand.

people often ask me
"Michael, if you love
nature so much,
why is it that you
live in the city,
where the only green grass
and crushed rock
is being smoked
through a pipe?"

Well I look at them
and I tell 'em
"Cause people live in the city.
And people are the best part of nature."

So the next time
you go to
a shecky club,
put on your
shecky hairspray,
put on your
shecky make-up,
remember that
people still eat
people still think
and people still defecate

No matter how hard,
we try to dehumanize,
and deanimalize,
with ID numbers
credit card numbers
Social Security numbers

PEOPLE
are the best part
OF NATURE.

people are the best part of nature
people are the best part of nature.

Boxer v. Beagle

August 29, 2005

When I got home from vacation, I opened the front door to let the dogs romp in the front yard while I unloaded some items from the van. My boxer ran and sat in the van to watch me unload. The beagle took off running down the street and didn't even flinch or look back when I called her.

The next day, I was bringing groceries in and I accidentally left the screen door unlatched. My boxer stood in the doorway with a glazed "Which way did he go, George" expression on her expectant face, while the beagle, once again, took off running down the street; pointedly ignoring my calls.

The beagle digs under the fence. My boxer lays and waits by the door. The beagle pees in her crate. My boxer waits patiently for me to wake up and does the potty dance by the door. The beagle slinks around as if we beat her on a regular basis. My boxer never leaves my side. The other night, a few of us walked over to the park across the street in the middle of the night. I left the beagle at home because I knew she would just totally run away. The boxer came with us and stood near us like a sentry, in spite of the fact that she's deaf & couldn't hear me call her back if I needed to.

They are both adorable, sweet dogs. However, I have come to the conclusion that I will run far away if anyone ever offers to give me a beagle again & I will always be a huge fan of boxers.

Coley and "the Ladies"

August 28, 2005

Somewhere in the middle of New Mexico I broke down and decided to get an honest-to-goodness meal in a restaurant*. I walked into the waiting area and turned to the hostess to give her our name & find out how long it would take to get a table.

When I turned back around, Coley was resting his head in the lap of a bespectacled woman with a similar build to mine. She and her friends were laughing, and Coley was obliviously sucking his fingers until he noticed me standing there looking at him. He lifted his head at that point, and, completely unabashed, walked over to me grinning and held my hand.

"You got the wrong mama, bud" I said.

The people in the party Coley had adopted laughed.

"I knew it wasn't you, mom. I just love the ladies!"

*I'm proud to say we only did one restaurant meal (aside from the meal we shared in the home of my dear friends Ray and Maggie) and one fast food meal at Sonic when I was at the end of my rope.

Cindy Sheehan to speak in Austin

August 28, 2005

Cindy Sheehan speaking in Austin! Cindy and other Gold Star family members and supporters have been holding a vigil outside President Bush's ranch for 3 weeks waitng to ask him "for what nobel cause did their children die in Iraq?" 5:30pm Wednesday 8/31/05 Austin City Hall Plaza 301 W. 2nd St. Austin, Texas 78701 (park at the City Hall garage enter off Lavaca) Arriving from Crawford Cindy will be kicking off a bus tour across America culminating in her arrival at the National March for Peace taking place in Washington D.C. on 9/24/05 Lets give Cindy a warm Austin welcome PLEASE help by forwarding this announcement to at least 20 of your friends and your lists

Oh, I SO want to be there, but I have to work & I don't think there is any way I can get out of it. If I "call in sick" they will all totally know, and it will inconvenience several people.

So, please go on my behalf. Please?

The Disease? It's called capitalism

August 28, 2005

Evil Mommy linked to An interesting article about the fact that our country is going down the fiscal toilet that really just ends up veering widely off the point:

Canelon sees echoes in the rise of obesity: a pervasive I-want-it-now attitude no matter what the consequences. To her, debt's a symptom of disease, and one that's spreading.

If she's right, the government is sick, too.

It would be amusing to me how eager journalists (and others) are to insert fat people into an argument as an example of laziness or moral ineptitude if I wasn't a fat person who considers herself to be neither lazy or morally bankrupt. It's an example, basically, of what I was talking about in the post below. My ailing bank account (along with all of my friends who are equally ailing), just like my fat body, are signs of my inferiority. I need to just squeeze out a couple of hundred dollars of savings a month, and I will singlehandedly save the US economy.

Note that the article doesn't even discuss the billions of dollars we are spending on the war in Iraq, not to mention the beneficiaries of that investment.

Sorry...I veered of track there a bit, as well. My intention was to point out that oftentimes obesity, like financial mismanagement, is caused BY rather than the cause OF poverty. Just as the wealthy have access to better, healthier foods, and time for better, healthier, consistent exercise...they also have buying power which gives them the OPTION to save so future generations of their wealthy children can remain wealthy or become wealthier while future generations of the poor have to struggle to stand still.

The Rich MAKE the laws, they don't ABIDE by them.

August 28, 2005

Amanda linked to an article that atrios linked to yesterday:

"I don't think you should be so `rah-rah' for a war that you aren't willing to send your own family members to,'' said Rose Gonzalez, 30, of Somerville, whose mother, a state employee, was deployed to Iraq in January.``If he thinks the war is so just and so important and we shouldn't pull out, then he should encourage his own sons to go."

and made an excellent point about privilege that Sally, in comments, really distilled for me in a way that made the whole argument applicable to all the ways in which the rich exempt themselves from their own laws...or rather, create oppressive rules/laws that they know that they will never be obligated to adhere to.

I think it was actually Amanda herself who responded "That's a tough concept for an 8-year old" when I told her about the conversation I had with Monk about theft and class. I am sure she didn't intend to imply that I shouldn't give the explanation to Monk, and she was certainly right that it's a tricky thing to explain. However, when Monk said to me "I know why poor people steal, mom." with an authoritativeness that implied that rich people do not, someone had already taught him the opposite lesson. The double-standard is so fucking pervasive that somehow my relatively media-free 8-year old has already been taught his first lessons about crime, visible punishment, and pseudo-moral exemption.

To universalize this particular link, abortion, too, is one of those "Not For My Kind Of People" issues. Not because rich women can avoid getting pregnant (although, as I am convinced that republican men are just awful in bed, it might be easier for rich women to do just that) but that the means to terminate a pregnancy for a rich woman is never in question, and it's not REALLY abortion when you are rich.

I'm sure there are a good number of ways that you can apply this rule of lawlessness. War. Theft. Death Penalty. The so-called murder of the unborn. Drug Abuse. It's not just that it's easier to get away with things when you have the means to do so; it's that if you believe in the meritocracy (which I doubt anyone REALLY does, so you just have to pretend to believe it as earnestly as possible) damnit it sure justifies a lot of bullshit if you can just say "I earned my privilege through hard fucking work, and those others just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and keep chugging along."

Edited To Add: Suzanne mentions via AIM: "just reading your post re: theft and class and remembering that I once worked for an ObGyn Dr's group in a very rich part of SF and the abortions were called Therapeutic Dilation and Curettage or TDC's. Women were scheduled for these all the time."

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

August 27, 2005

At the grocery store today, I ran into an old client of the community techology center where I work. He laughed at me, because my shopping list was composed in orange crayon.

What he didn't realize was that it was the shopping list for the party I'm having tonight, and the items on the list were:

• limes
• limeade
• tequila
• triple sec

I left it in the cart for someone else to puzzle out.

10 Things I Learned While On Vacation

August 27, 2005

1. According to J, if I ever want to take a job as a long-haul trucker, I would probably kick some ass. In all, I think I logged 40+ hours of driving time in 5 days.
2. One grumpy mama and two tired children make a trip to Camp Casey as the last stop of the journey not fun at all.
3. The word "penis" when repeated like a mantra by a four-year-old who thinks all of the stalagmites (or is it stalactites? Or maybe both) in Carlsbad Caverns resemble giant phalluses...echoes. And it displeases the other visitors.
4. My children are miraculously capable of sitting in the car for hours and hours at a stretch and keeping themselves occupied without implements of entertainment. The few distraction toys I bought went largely unused. I knew this about Monk, but it has been several developmental stages since I last traveled with Coley and for a borderline hyperactive child, he did really, really well. Except, of course, for the penis talk in the Caverns. Did I mention I got reprimanded by a stranger for that?
5. Always practice setting up the tent before 8 at night at the campground to the tune of a bear huffing and snorting somewhere in the forest.
6. As a corollary* to the above, when sleeping in the front seat of the car, sleep on the PASSENGER side.
7. To further the riff: Nothing is more comforting than rolling down the window of the car at 4:30 in the morning to hear ABSOLUTE silence...broken only by the sound of a cougar snarling.
8. Downshifting is our friend, even in an automatic transmission (thanks, J!)
9. You can see the white sands and the pine forests and the caverns of new mexico, and the four year old will remember...the hotel room where he got to watch cartoons all night.
10. Somewhere along the line, I became a coffee snob to the extent that I can tell when coffee tastes yucky, but I don't care enough to let it effect whether or not I will drink it.
11. There's no toilet like home toilet.

Clearly, I'm too loopy to count to 10.

*I have always always always wanted to use the word corollary in a sentence. I hope I did it right.

Graffiti: Political, Self-Expression, Both?

August 26, 2005

Hello again from Living on Less. I'm a guest here. (I'm really just here to rummage through Dru's drawers and try on her shoes... :))

Graffiti has been in the news recently here in New York City, because an art project to decorate simulated subway cars by graffiti artists was quashed by the mayor and then resurrected by a court order. You can read all about it in Soul Imperialist's very cool blog.

And you can read my post on graffiti, along with some quotes from Jeff Chang, author of the book Can't Stop Won't Stop: a history of the hip-hop generation, in my blog: here.

Do Your Part

August 26, 2005

Those who read my stuff at Bark/Bite know that I'm not much of an activist cheerleader--more of a stand-on-the-sidelines-and-bitch-about-the-opposition-leader. Yes, I have at times used my not so bully pulpit to advocate specific actions, but generally I'm content to just use this space to sharpen the prodigious opinion-shaping might of my writing skills.

However.

As I boldly asserted recently, I think we're at a turning point. Or at least a potential turning point.

Or, still more accurately, a potential tipping point. With major public opinion shifts like the withdrawal of support for a petro-imperialist war, we don't get a slow, steady shift of mass political consciousness. What we get is a maddeningly slow, steady erosion, followed by something that galvanizes the opposition, and then a landslide.

We saw that in 1968 with the Tet offensive. The North Vietnamese and the Viet Cong lost tens of thousands of soldiers killed, and inflicted only a few thousand of casualties on the South Vietnamese and US armies. Yet, it became known as the Tipping Point of US support for the war, largely because Lyndon Johnson's administration had been consistently lying to the American public about how well the war was going. In the rosy picture that they had been painting, the Communist forces weren't remotely capable of mounting an offensive of that size, or winning the victories that they did. The victories were all overturned relatively quickly, but the US public had been stunned by the ability of a supposedly down-and-out opponent to overrun entire cities.

Sound familiar? Well, this time, the Tipping Point doesn't have to come in the form of a massive offensive by a supposedly defeated enemy. After Tet, the slow erosion turned into a landslide--after Johnson "lost Walter Cronkite" in the month after Tet, the rest of the public seemed to follow quickly. Today, we may well be looking at our own tipping point.

Bush never "had" Cindy Sheehan, but he did have millions of Americans who are having their ideological and symbolic worlds rocked by the sight of one Gold Star Family member after another standing up and saying "This War is Wrong." You can almost hear the gears whirring: "Criticizing the war is...bad. Mothers of Dead Soldiers...are good. But criticizing the war is...un-American! But Mothers of Dead Soldiers are the ultimate Americans...Does. Not. Compute." And all of a sudden, a new political reality dawns: you can be for the troops, for America, and still think the war was a horrible mistake with no good end in sight. You can love apple pie and baseball and still think that Bush sent this country's children over there to die for at best, a colossal misjudgment, and at worst--lies, greed and oil.

I promised to write about my visit to Camp Casey on Sunday, and I still haven't been able to sit down and process it, but here's one image that I will probably be describing to my grandkids one day: a tall, powerfully built soldier wearing camo pants and a red and gold "USMC" shirt stood with a bugle, standing in front of a small field of white crosses. While the hippies, the freaks, the anarchists--and significantly, the mothers and fathers of fallen American soldiers and the soccer moms and the just plain folk stood in a circle, he played "Taps" for over 1800 men and women who will never come home.

Now, unless you are among the most reality-proof ideologues of the pro-War faction, you have to admit that the scene described above does not exactly smack of anti-Americanism, troop-hatred, or treason. Even if you completely support both the war and the president, it's getting harder not to admit the possibility that people who oppose the war may actually be decent, hard-working Americans who just happen to have a different political opinion. I think once that possibility spreads, it's going to have a catastrophic effect on support for the war.

So--back (finally) to the activist cheerleading. I am going to ask all of you within the sound of my (virtual) voice to commit, right now, to do at least one concrete thing to help push us past the tipping point--it'll all be downhill from there. But we've got to get over the hump, so please, please, please pick one of the following and do it:

• Drive out to Crawford in the next three days. Just stand and be counted. It's not that far, and it's not really that hot.
• Make a donation to the Crawford Peace House--they're the ones paying for the giant tent and the sound system and the food service for 500. And goddamn, that was the best potato salad I have ever tasted in my entire life. No kidding.
• Make a donation to True Majority and/or Gold Star Families for Peace, so that they can keep people following Bush around the US like a human ball and chain. This is sooo gratifying to me personally, since it's the realization of what I came up with on my own and thought was an impossible pipe dream.
• Figure out something on your own: display a sign, call a friend, write a letter to the editor, call up a radio station.

Jesus Christ forgive me for veering close to idealistic twaddle, but dang it, we really can make a difference here, if all umpty-seven million of us who think--and have thought from the beginning--that this war was a tragic blunder simply speak up. The old saying is that "All that is required for the triumph of evil is that good [wo]men do nothing." Well, sometimes the opposite is true. I swear to you, this time all that is required for the triumph of good is that good people do something.

So go do it, for Chrissake!

Eating In vs. Eating Out

August 24, 2005

Hello all. I'm a guest here, squatting over from my blog, Living on Less, where I've been recently posting some drawings. Today's are about eating in instead of going out to eat: here.

r@d@r guestblog no. 1

August 24, 2005

greetings ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. r@d@r here, watering the dog and taking the plants for a walk.

i might have some intelligent things to say over the course of the next few days, but to start out, here's what i've been reading over the past couple of days:

• greg palast ably puts the continuing hugo chavez embroglio into perspective. found at metafilter, where jefgodesky ties it all together in a neat little package.
• a comment that blew my mind over at my blog; apparently, the poster was serious.

this list will grow as time allows. enjoy!

~ r@d@r, of ex-lion tamer

Keeping it Going

August 24, 2005

Robert from Bark/Bite here, guest blogging for the inestimable Dru. She asked that I help keep the blog going in her absence. So far, I'm failing impressively, but today I'm at the keyboard in her stead, having been motivated by a most validating discovery.

A while ago, after reading about Cindy Sheehan, I wrote a post (which Dru was kind enough to link to) about my vision of Camp Casey following Bush across the country:

And suddenly I had this image of a crowd of grieving mothers, fathers, children, trailing behind Bush everywhere he went. He would have to drag them around the country behind him like a human ball and chain. Like Jacob Marley, with his tangle of chains and cashboxes and ledgers. Far from escaping his sins, he'd be condemned to drag them along behind him.

Well guess what, boys and girls? It's happening. It is happening as we goddamn speak! I am sooo juiced by this. Not because it totally validates my artsy-fartsy Dickensian vision of Bush trailing the debris of ruined lives around behind him for eternity, but because I think it's quite possibly the most articulate form of anti-war protest we have ever seen in this country.

Why do I think this? Well, besides the fact that it's captured the national--and international (for what that's worth)--attention, it does exactly what any non-violent protest should seek to do. It puts the Powers That Be in a no-win situation.

Non-violent protest seeks to politically and morally out-manuever the Powers That Be by putting them in a position where they must either agree to your demands or accept the moral and political fallout of your protest. Fifty people singing "We Shall Overcome" with all the energy of a funeral dirge creates no political or moral fallout for the Powers. An encampment supporting the mother of a fallen hero who demands to speak with the Commander-in-Chief who sent him to his death on false pretenses has moral and political fallout.

Multiple mothers (and other relatives) of fallen heroes gathering at that encampment, supported by military veterans including veterans of the current fiasco has a lot of moral and political fallout. But multiple camps springing up wherever Bush goes--now that's got some potential.

President Bush plans visits around the country during his five-week vacation, hoping for friendly media coverage away from Washington. But a member of Gold Star Families for Peace can dog him wherever he goes, demanding he meet with them to explain why their family members are dead.

And it's not just the Gold Star Familes that are being flown around the country like rock stars that Bush has to worry about. No, thanks to him, there are Gold Star Families all across the goddamn country, and in any given location, some of them will oppose the war--or at least demand accountability from the man who led their children to their deaths for greed and lies. He went to Salt Lake city, in the most Republican state in the country, to find a friendly audience. What he got was over 1000 protesters led by a Gold Star Mom. He went to small town Idaho to avoid the urban Liberals, and got protesters with 1800 white crosses, including a Gold Star Mom with an 8 month-old son who will never know his Daddy.

Like the Madres de Plaza de Mayo, who "By showcasing their grief in public...turned their motherhood and their bodies into political tools to hold the government accountable for its actions," Cindy, the other Gold Star Families, and the veterans and supporters who stand with them are forcing Bush (really Rove, who calls the political shots) to either give in to their demands or allow the public disapproval to build and build.

I don't think that it's of the same magnitude, but this protest is definitely on the same scale as the television images of African-American children being knocked down by firehoses in Alabama. It's a image that's changing minds, that's making a physical and visual spectacle of the--well, "violence inherent in the system." Seriously--that's a good way of putting it, and there's at least one prominent scholar who argues that's what Christ did--expose the violence inherent in the system by demonstrating his beliefs and convictions publicly.

Well, I promised Dru I'd keep the post under 1500 words, so I'll stop here. But I'm convinced that this could be the beginning of the end.

Here is where I hand it over...

August 22, 2005

...and hope the guest bloggers keep the site running while I'm gone.

I've had a sort of good news/bad news week all week. The latest event went like this:

Bad news: J has to come home from our trip early because his boss had a family emergency and he's the only other admin that can cover for him.

Good news: Housesitting problem? Solved.

Ah, cripes. If you hear loud screams of agony emanating from round about Elephant Butte, NM around midweek...it's me trying to set up J's posh tent all by myself. I was really looking forward to traveling with him for longer than a day, but I guess this just means he will have to come with us to New Orleans in November. (He just yelled from the other room "Sounds like [you are] blogging!")

I'm a packing, cleaning, list making, list checking off maniac...and then I'm off. When I get back, I'm going to post all of my zany lists and my road trip planning advice for you, in case you are at all curious about how an totally anally retentive freak goes about such things.

Wish me luck! And have a great week.

Last Call for guest bloggers

August 21, 2005

I am seeking guest bloggers, so anyone who wants a platform from which to spout off for the next week should email me ASAP and let me know where you are coming from. If you have a blog, send me a link...if you don't, tell me something about yrself that is interesting.

Limited time offer. Don't miss out!

OK. This made me cry.

August 20, 2005

Operation Truth - Home

One of my Soldiers in Iraq was Roger Turner. We gave him a hard time because he always wore all of his protective equipment, including three pairs of glasses or goggles. He did this because he wanted to make sure that he returned home to his family. He rode a bicycle to work every day to make sure that he was able to save enough money on his Army salary to send his son to college. At Camp Anaconda, where the squadron briefly stayed, a rocket landed inside a tent, sending a piece of debris or fragment into him and killed him. On Monday night, August 16, you ran down the memorial cross erected for him by Arlington West.

Thank you, Perry Jefferies.

[link provided by robbroccoli on flickr.]

This is how they justify it.

August 20, 2005

The more I look at this image, the more it disgusts me. I'm not sure what the person who decided to compose this sculpture was thinking*, but it is absolutely, horrifyingly dehumanizing. It totally distills for me that patriarchy is as fucking harmful to men as to women, because here, the view of a man (because soldiers are nearly always men in the eyes of the patriarchy) is a gun and boots...and a hat. There is no need to mourn the death of soldier, because soldiers are merely implements of death.

It's so fucked up, and it's why people can stand across the street from a war memorial waving signs that state so glibly "Freedom isn't Free" while the family members of soldiers who have paid the ultimate price for their freedom mourn, collectively, with those of us who wish not to ask anyone else to make that sacrifice for us.

And not to belittle non-mamas out there, but this is where my mama spirit comes out and I feel absolutely fiercely protective of the psyches of my boys. My boys are not guns with boots and helmets. My boys are NOT implements of death. And my boys are NOT faceless, nameless, "honorable" "heroes" that exist to pay the price for ANYONE'S freedom.

Freedom IS free. But the road to freedom has been invaded by pernicious robber-barons who want us to pay a price for what is inherently ours...all of ours...to enjoy.

*I've been informed that this is actually a ritualistic way to "honor the dead." I'm not sure if the person who informed me of this was trying to justify it or not, but I don't see how the fact that it's a tradition minimizes or negates the fact that it's totally dehumanizing.

Mama Bear.

August 20, 2005

t r u t h o u t - Cindy Sheehan | Hypocrites and Liars

One thing I haven't noticed or become aware of though is an increased number of pro-war, pro-Bush people on the other side of the fence enlisting to go and fight George Bush's war for imperialism and insatiable greed. The pro-peace side has gotten off their apathetic butts to be warriors for peace and justice. Where are the pro-war people? Everyday at Camp Casey we have a couple of anti-peace people on the other side of the road holding up signs that remind me that "Freedom isn't Free" but I don't see them putting their money where their mouths are. I don't think they are willing to pay even a small down payment for freedom by sacrificing their own blood or the flesh of their children. I still challenge them to go to Iraq and let another soldier come home. Perhaps a soldier that is on his/her third tour of duty, or one that has been stop-lossed after serving his/her country nobly and selflessly, only to be held hostage in Iraq by power mad hypocrites who have a long history of avoiding putting their own skin in the game.

[...]

Camp Casey has grown and prospered and survived all attacks and challenges because America is sick and tired of liars and hypocrites and we want the answers to the tough questions that I was the first to dare ask. THIS is George Bush's accountability moment and he is failing ... miserably. George Bush and his advisers seriously "misunderestimated" me when they thought they could intimidate me into leaving before I had the answers, or before the end of August. I can take anything they throw at me, or Camp Casey. If it shortens the war by a minute or saves one life, it is worth it. I think they seriously "misunderestimated" all mothers. I wonder if any of them had authentic mother-child relationships and if they are surprised that there are so many mothers in this country who are bear-like when it comes to wanting the truth and who want to make meaning of their child's needless and seemingly meaningless deaths?

I think it was when the (irony) brigade of bikers passed by our shuttle on the way back from Camp Casey today that it really hit me: They are afraid of women*.

And not just that, but they are afraid of a field full of middle-aged women who are mostly dressed in pink, wearing floppy hats (description courtesy of Amanda) and carrying flowers.

I can tell they are afraid, on account of they sent the rebel right-wing biker boys (in leather). The counter-rally across from the peace house was populated by about 20 people. The two organizers sat regally atop horses while men bleated into the microphone, calling Ms. Sheehan a prostitute, and attempting to impugn her character based on the fact that her husband "is divorcing her."

I had promised Amanda (and myself) that I wouldn't respond to the counter-protesters, but that was just too fucking much. "My husband divorced me, too" I mumbled. A man dressed up like a civil war soldier (?) whispered out of the side of his mouth "It happens sometimes. It's a total non-sequitor. Would you like some water?" and while I thought that was "mighty kind" of him (as they say around these parts), drinking winger water would have been a bit too much like drinking kool-aid.

And, besides, there was better sustenance at Peace House.

The woman who was driving the shuttle when the biker brigade passed us by was just an ordinary woman..."not an activist" she told us. She was just inspired by what Ms. Sheehan was doing down in Crawford and booked herself a flight down from Portland, OR to see what she could do to help. She kept talking sympathetically about the difficulty the locals were having in coming to grips with the "invasion" of their town by all of these people. I kept thinking about how irony-impaired do the folks of Crawford have to be to get shotgun-waving pissed about a handful of protestors peacefully gathering on the outskirts of the president's compound, and not understand why there's an insurgency in Iraq and why it might not have much at all to do with terrorism.

The guy who drove the shuttle TO the campsite described himself as apolitical before the 2004 elections, when he realized that it was so obvious that GW was lying about the war that he realized he couldn't remain silent about it any longer.

Story after story. Town after town. OR, NM, PA, MA...represented. When I tried to delicately point out the phenomenon of the age and gender of the main organizers and volunteers running the show at Camp Casey, our middle-aged female driver disallowed my euphamism. She said, bluntly, if I may paraphrase: "Yes, we're mainly a bunch of middle-aged women out here, and that's not what the media is portraying." And then she proceeded to show us a good swimming hole close to Peace House, in case we needed to cool off. I couldn't help but think that, well, she was mothering us a bit.

Folks, what's happening out in Crawford is revolutionary. Make no mistakes about it. Regardless of how it is portrayed or how it may be co-opted, what we are seeing is the power of women. & if a big, bad, right-wing biker boy wants to challenge my authority, I just might take a big ole rolling pin to his head...or start talking about my period. And like garlic to vampires, he would probably just turn his big, mean old, loud, stinky small penis compensator motorcycle around and go back to wherever the hell he came from.

(pictures added to the meet with cindy set...does anyone want to donate money so I can upgrade to flickr pro?)

*I'm also convinced that all wingnut men are just godawful in bed, but that's another post altogether.

2 new flickr sets

August 20, 2005

I finally uploaded the pictures from the vigil.

and I went ahead and added a set of pictures by cole.

I have no idea why I am still awake. I got places to go tomorrow. And much to do this weekend/week.

Let's hope the weekend gets better.

August 19, 2005

This morning I woke up to receive my children, and the ex was talking before I even opened the door. "He's been howling in pain over his tooth, he has an abcess and it's infected and you need to take him to the dentist right away."

Well, OK.

He had been to the dentist a month ago, and they made an appointment to have some cavities filled (let's talk later about the politics and implied morality of dental hygeine, ok? Because I have to say that I never would have thought that a child needing dental work would have ever made me feel like I was the lowest form of life on the planet. Never mind the dental work that *I* most likely need, and the fact that I felt like I had to hide my teeth from the childrens' dentist) and then they called my ex to cancel the appointment, not realizing that my ex doesn't tend to pass on messages & finally they called me a day or so before the appointment to say they needed to refer me out & I figured that it was senseless to deal with it before the vacation because appointments are generally taken 3 weeks out or so.

At any rate, I did not realize that Monk would be howling in pain. But there he was. Howling. And there I was, trying to bring him in to the dentist who referred us out because they lost his file and couldn't refer us until they found it and all sorts of twisted logic.

But I ended up getting an appointment, which was good. The appointment was at a dentist in freaking ROUND ROCK, which was not-so-good. I was stuck in a traffic jam that was so godawful (mind you, my van has no a/c) that I nearly attempted to jump the curb and careen down the hill to the access road, but I stopped myself.

We managed to make it to the dentist without me killing anyone, and they are super nice, but they are also telling me that Monk needs way more work than the other dentist seemed to think he needed. And it just so happens that the ex has chosen the insurance plan that doesn't really cover much of anything, which I think is really freaking clever of him. Basically, we get a 25% discount on dental work, which means we'll end up paying, oh, WAY more than I can afford, rather than way FUCKING more than I can afford.

Thankfully, Monk doesn't need all of the work at once. Today he really just needs to have a tooth extracted. Well, he actually needs to have a tooth extracted AND have some spacers put in, but the spacers can wait a couple of weeks and they are, conveniently, the most expensive thing on the menu.

So, I sign off and pay up. They bring me back to where he's waiting for the procedure and this place is the funniest damn place you have ever seen. Have you been to a pediatric dentist lately? There are TV's on the ceiling over every chair, and the kids are plugged in with headsets and zoning out to cartoons while the dentists hover over them. It's like pod people material. It's really freaking bizarre. Monk doesn't even pay attention to me when I'm talking to him because he's so absorbed in cartoon watching.

So, then, I'm sitting in the office and I get a phone call from someone who I asked to do a favor for me like a week or so ago...and she's calling to let me know that ooops! She forgot to call, but she can't do the favor. And she has a really good reason and I'm not pissed off or anything, but I'm really wishing she had told me that, like, a week ago. Or even, you know, more than 2 days before I need her to do me the favor.

Anyway, everything seemed to go smoothly after that. I had a good laugh about it all with Pansy and then J. J is totally amenable with my neurotic list-making, by the way, which cheers me up tremendously, even though I'm nervously eyeing my newly-taxed-with-dental-expenses budget. I would just cancel the fucking trip, but it would totally destroy Monk to know that his teeth ruined our vacation plans. See, he has that whole dental hygeine/morality thing internalized, too...at the age of freaking EIGHT. I had to tell him, because I KNEW he was thinking it, that he wasn't a bad kid just because he has some cavities. He seemed relieved.

By the way, the tooth came out, but the tooth fairy is going to have to visit papa's house for once. Monk even wrote a note, reminding said fairy that the going rate for one tooth of Monk is $9, based on the funky-ass accounting methods the tooth fairy has established around these parts (each tooth earns a dollar more than the tooth before.)

So, yeah. Everything was all settled. I did a little shopping for the trip. Lines are longer than normal...people are a little weirder. It's a full fucking moon, isn't it? It is. Full enough, anyway.

I come home, happy to finally be bringing this day to a close, and I walk the familiar, well-worn path from where I always park the van to my front porch, carrying a few bags of groceries and sundries...and I run face first into a fucking spider web.

The fates are conspiring against my vacation. I won't let them win.

Damnit.

Oh My God I Love the Rude Pundit.

August 19, 2005

The Rude Pundit

All over the right, the attempts to destroy Sheehan are getting increasingly desperate and repellent, from dragging out her divorce documents and the liens against her property to saying that she "endangers" the troops (damn, you'd think lack of body armor would be doin' that, but then, fuck you - if you speak of it, our troops'll die). But that image, of the mother, outside, in that no-wonder-everyone's-goin'-insane heat of Central Texas, is far more powerful. When you hear her voice, it ain't the crazy rantings of the so-called loony left. It's the calm, reasonable tone of the righteous. And that's what's so fuckin' threatening to the bullies.

Goddamn, it feels good to pound that weakling into the dirt until you hear the weakling's sobs and cries of mercy. But what happens if the weakling gets up, brushes off, and dares you to take another shot? That's the way the bullies crumble.

thankyouthankyouthankyou.

On NOT flying solo

August 19, 2005

A summary of my last few vacations reads like this:

June, 2003 - Drove the kids to DC by myself, stayed with friends, attended a conference for work.

December, 2001 - Drove the kids to Chicago by myself, stayed with family, hung out.

August, 2001 - Drove the kids to Portland, OR by myself, stayed with various friends and family on the round trip (up through OK, CO, WY, MT...over through ID...down through OR, CA...over through AZ, NM & home) hung out, had mad adventures, proved that I could do it, damnit. All by myself.

Nov., 2000 - Flew to Chicago with newborn Cole, escorted by my sister, stayed with family, attempted to pull my life together for 3 months while on maternity leave to get away from a husband who left me but, like, wouldn't actually move out.

Previous to these trips, I took a few trips to Chicago by plane and by train, just me and Monk, to visit with family.

The pattern here is that all of these vacations have been pretty much planned and executed BY ME. Perhaps flying solo isn't the word, because I did have passengers. But the passengers were more like baggage than co-pilots.

In fact, the last time I traveled WITH someone was back in 1997 or 1998 when me and my VERY MELLOW friend Shani drove out to Wilmington NC for the WE Festival, with a young Monk in tow. We got along great, and had no problems. I've, in fact, done a lot of traveling with other people and have never had a problem. I think the fact that L refused to travel after one road trip early in our relationship has caused me to believe that I'm somehow an undesirable travel partner...but I know this is not true, based on history.

But I'm out of practice. I'm out of practice when it comes to the fun parts of sharing travel with someone else and I'm also out of practice on the challenging parts of sharing travel (like, oh, navigating bathrooms in questionable areas with kids in tow. I should link to the essay about my portland trip that is all about the toilets we visited.)

This trip should be interesting. It's definitely going to push my relationship with J in new and exciting directions. We are going to have to communicate with each other in ways we don't normally communicate. Normally, I'm so tired of making decisions by the time I get with J - he makes most of the decisions when we are together. With traveling, though, I'm the queen of itineraries and lists. Normally, I'm totally talkative when we are together. When traveling, though, I tend to retreat into myself and reflect on my surroundings.

I'm psyched about this adventure. It has been too too long since our last journey, and I hope this is the first in a series of successful sojourns. I'm hoping to hit New Orleans in November, Chicago maybe in the Spring, and Portland Maine in the Autumn of 06 or 07. If J and I can make it through this trip - maybe I'll even have a partner for all of those.

Standing in for Cindy

August 19, 2005

In case you haven't heard, Ms. Sheehan had to leave Camp Casey to be with her ailing mother. Believe it or not, I've already read a post from some asshole who claims that "Cindy Sheehan killed her mother." Ah. It never ends.

At any rate, Cindy has a state senator standing up for her in her absence:

Lourey, DFL-Kerrick, had hoped to meet Sheehan and offer her support. Instead she will serve as Sheehan's surrogate at the growing Iraq war protest outside President Bush's ranch.

Lourey's son Matthew Lourey, an Army helicopter pilot, also was killed in Iraq in May. Matt Lourey, a career Army pilot, was shot down in action north of Baghdad.

My thoughts are with Cindy and her family, and all of the other families who are still standing down in Crawford, demanding accountability for their grief. They are encouraging us to join them. When are you going?

What the Fuck?

August 19, 2005

Prep courses ready kids for kindergarten

Hank is four years old, and among the worries that prompted his mother to enroll him for two lessons a week at the Sylvan Learning Center here is this: Hank was behind on his scissor skills.

People, please. Let your children BE children.

not back to school

August 18, 2005

You know, we've been so busy learning and having fun around here, that I totally forgot that this week was the first week of public school. No worries, Redneck mother posted this reminder to the Radical Homeschool Blog

Lots of parents look forward to the beginning of the traditional school year, and I do, too, for my own reasons. With the exception of the annual pool party, it's like any other day for my family, which means it's tailored to our needs, wants and obligations. It's different every year. And because we learn year-round, it's not the start of anything for me except a delicious sense of freedom.

We own our time. When it's time to go somewhere -- the dentist, Grandma's house, a vacation -- we don't have to ask permission or work around the school calendar or put it off because of tests. We take road trips in the autumn and spring. The boys don't scarf down lunch before a bell rings. Recess is a meaningless concept to people who spend half their days outdoors.

We actually start our "school" year around the first day of autumn. We have some planning that we are doing in preparation right now. We have definitely been hibernating this summer, and I'm ready to get the kids out and about more, and be more organized. Monk wants to learn how to skateboard, and he wants to get through level 3A in Singapore Math this season. He's also re-learning writing, which I think he's somewhat ashamed of, but I think it will pay off in the end.

Anyway, yeah. I should have realized school started when I heard the Pledge of Allegiance being blared out to our neighborhood over the intercom of the school across the street. We need to get the kites out, so we can lay on our backs in the schoolyard and watch the clouds (and our kites) floating in the sky.

hahahahaha.

Stickers!

August 18, 2005

Gah. This brought back some memories. I remember having the exact same stickers, with the exact same oil stains on the exact same kind of paper/folders.

[link via boing boing]

The Second Time This Week I've Been Proud To Be From Austin

August 18, 2005

News 8 Austin | 24 Hour Local News | LOCAL NEWS | Walgreens must fill contraceptive prescriptions

Austin Walgreens pharmacies must fill prescriptions for birth control and emergency contraception even if pharmacists don't want to.

The order comes from a vote of the city council revising the city's contract with the drug store chain. The move makes Austin the first city to take such a step.

(the first time this week was when I saw the enormous crowd at last night's vigil.)

Living on Less Presents

August 18, 2005

Another great electronic mini-zine from asfo_del.

Putting the War On Trial

August 18, 2005

BBC NEWS | UK | Iraq families launch inquiry bid

The call for a judicial review is supported by the families of 17 soldiers who died in the conflict and one who killed himself after returning to the UK.

The families want the prime minister, the Attorney General, Geoff Hoon, who was the defence secretary at the time, and Foreign Secretary Jack Straw to be cross-examined about the conflict.

Amazing. Like Redneck Mother, I am wondering what the findings will mean here for us on this side of the pond.

And I wonder what the smug folks on the right are feeling about how "mental" Cindy Sheehan is now.

Vigil 2 - Statesman coverage.

August 18, 2005

Young and old, many old enough to have demonstrated against the Vietnam war, the Austin crowd took over the north end of the Pfluger pedestrian bridge over Town Lake.

Signs and leaflets said the crowd was behind Cindy Sheehan, the California woman who started an antiwar protest Aug. 6 on the outskirts of Crawford in memory of her son Casey, a 24-year-old soldier who died fighting in Iraq last year. Symbolically, some women pushed empty strollers on the bridge.

Vigil.

August 18, 2005

Monk asked me today "What does vigil mean, mom?" I told him that it meant "to keep watch."

We bought candles and lighters and playing cards today on the way to the Lamar Street bridge. Unfortunately, I neglected to bring bottled water. Oh, sweet, fallable mama.

So, we go there, and the crowd was enormous. It was actually kind of unbelievable. Word was it was the second largest candlelight vigil taking place that night. I am a horrible judge of crowd numbers, but I would say it was larger than the last protest I went to, for sure. Climbing back up to pre-war size, if not larger. Which was heartening, but made it difficult to be a mama to my somewhat crowd-shy children. Hell, *I'm* crowd shy, myself.

We listened to the organizers congratulate themselves for a few minutes, and then we lit our candles. The boys became frustrated first because the candles wouldn't stay lit, and then Monk flipped out because he was thirsty. It was sort of my fault, because I brushed him off at first, telling him we would get something to drink on the way home, not realizing that he was the kind of thirsty that was going to lead to a breakdown.

And he broke down. And we left. I actually ended up having to lift him up and put him in the van, because he was threatening to stand by the side of the road in protest of the fact that I don't let him drink Sprite. Hahahaha. I tried to reason with him for like 30 minutes, and then I was like "awright. Mama has reached the end of her rope, and we need to go."

I think what's happening is that he's on overload now, so we are not going to go to Crawford on Friday after all. I think we all need to spend a relaxing day together before he goes to his papa's house for the weekend...and I'll probably head up to Crawford on Saturday...or hit Camp Casey at the beginning or end of our vacation.

Monk ended up making amends with me for his behavior, and we had a good laugh about it and played a game of cards. I wish the evening hadn't been totally ruined, but I did get some good pictures, and the visual effect of the crowd and candles was just stunning. I'm not even sure if my pictures can convey that, because it was dark when the candles were lit...but we will see. I'll post them to flickr later.

Now, I'm sleepy. I have about eleventy gazillion things to do to get ready for our trip and one day of work before my official vacation begins. Maybe I should actually get something done, but I think what I might just end up doing is going right to sleep.

Rewind.

August 17, 2005

I want to go back to something I posted yesterday in passing. The follow-up to the murder of Mr. de Menezes by officers in London.

Yes, I said murder. I said murder because they killed an innocent man, and then they tried to cover up the crime with lies, which would seem to indicate that they were aware of the fact that what they did was, um, murder.

The reason I want to rewind, though, is I'm curious if anyone has seen the right-wing response to this follow-up. Because they were all crowing about how innocent people don't run and whatnot, and they were justifying this whole policy of shoot first (seven times in the fucking HEAD) and ask questions later (when you are damn sure the only witness is dead.)

It's kind of hard to justify that now that we know 90% of the so-called suspicious behavior was a fucking lie, isn't it?

Cindy Sheehan said something in an interview about not paying her taxes and daring the government to sue her so we can put this war on trial. I hope the family of Mr. de Menezes has the wherewithal to do the same in London.

empathy vs. sympathy

August 17, 2005

I'm wondering...is it possible to feel empathy towards someone without feeling particularly sympathetic?

As in "I totally understand what you are going through, and I empathize" and "I also recognize that you are the cause of all of the shit you are now enduring, so I have little or no sympathy." Or "The only reason I understand what you are going through is because you forced me to go through the same shit for 3 years. I empathize, but I don't sympathize."

Is there a word for that?

Seriously.

Guest Blogging

August 17, 2005

Zwichenzug reminds me that I need to find a guest blogger for the time that I'm on vacation next week. If anyone is interested, please email me. I asked to borrow Zwich's Tony, but I'm a bit skeptical about his track record.

And George...

August 17, 2005

George is back on Movable type. I was worried when I hit his site yesterday and found nothing there.

Mquest's blogiversary

August 17, 2005

Go over there and wish him well.

Wow. Cindy updates.

August 16, 2005

If anyone is still doubting the sincerity and effectiveness of what's happening in Crawford, you really ought to watch the video of the Iraq Veteran's Against The War on Truthout.

Warning: It will make you cry.

Also, there's a redesign of the meet with cindy site. Someone has designed a window sign. It's amazing stuff.

Of course you know about the candlelight vigils tomorrow. Go. I'm going to squeeze my work hours in early, and me and the kiddos are going to be out at the Lamar Street Pedestrian bridge.

I'm actually, for the first time in my life, looking forward to attending a prayer vigil. Little old heathen me. I guess miracles DO happen. I will be in Crawford on Friday with my mamas and our kids in tow.

Maybe I will see you there.

Monk, Cindy Sheehan, and becoming whole.

August 16, 2005

It's fascinating to me that Monk is so drawn to what is going on in Crawford. Today he crawled into my lap when I was sitting at the computer and asked me to show him the Cindy Sheehan videos on Truthout.org.

I did.

He was absolutely heartbroken to the point of tears when I read him the article about the person who drove over the Arlington West Memorial. My little boy said "I hope they didn't drive over the flowers." My little boy, 8 years old, who only 3-4 months ago was insistent that war was good and George W. Bush was an honorable man. He sat next to me and wept with me when we watched the video of Ms. Sheehan's speech last Saturday. He tried to hide it, but I could see that he was crying when she talked about her broken heart. And he applauded with the videotaped crowd at all of the applause breaks.

This isn't just about Cindy Sheehan, folks. This is about my son overcoming some very hard shit in his life. This is about my sweet little boy blossoming into a wonderful, sensitive young man. This is about my Monkey Man letting go of his tendency to be adversarial just for the sake of pissing people off. This is about my son...healing. And it's wonderful. I have spent the past 3 years in this process of divorcing my husband, with one eye on the horizon that is the end of my marriage and one eye worriedly glancing over at my little troubled passenger. And Monk has been troubled. He's had rage. He's been fearful and confused. He has felt abandoned and unloved. And now...I see him becoming whole again. And it makes my mama heart want to burst with joy.

The final hearing was on the 5th. On the 8th, I read a Buddhist Tale to Monk about a poor man who marries a goddess. The goddess eventually has to leave the world, and she asks her husband to come with her. He does, and he and she and their child become stars, and they live in the sky together forever and ever.

When I finished reading that story, Monk was crying. I asked him why he was crying, even though I knew the answer. He told me he didn't want to talk about it. I said "You are feeling sad because you want your mom and dad to live together forever and ever." He said "Yes, but I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to cry."

So, I cried. I cried and I told my sweet boy that it was OK to cry and it was OK to be sad...because it *is* sad. I told him that I really, really tried, and that I am so, so sorry that I couldn't make it work.

He told me he wished his baby brother had never been born. And I told him that it's not right to blame Coley for all of this, even though Coley's timing seemed to be the perfect thing to lay blame on. I told him that it's not Coley's fault that his mom and his dad can't live together (in the sky) forever...that it's mom and dad's fault. And not even us. That people sometimes discover that they can't be together no matter how hard they try. And, yes, that's very sad.

And I cried some more. And he tilted his head back, but I could see the tears gleaming behind his glasses. And I just though, "Damnit, I love this kid. And Damnit, this is hard, but it's healing. It's letting go." And it hurt...so much...but it was absolutely wonderful.

I make it a habit to make amends with my children for my mistakes. I was always told that this would backfire on me in the end. That if my children grow up knowing that I'm imperfect, they will find a way to use that against me. But I feel like it's fair better to own up now then to lead them to believe I'm perfect. If I was omnipotent, the divorce would be his fault! I'm so glad I never tried to convince him that I am perfect.

And I'm noticing things, too. Little things. Things like when he's playing a game with his friends that his friends are trying to keep on the "down low" - games they don't want adults to know about - like their little "cuss club" - Monk will stop in the middle of the game and say "I'm going to go tell my mom!" Not like as in "I'm tattling on you" but "I'm going to share this with my mom, because I trust her to react in an appropriate and reasonable way, and I trust that her reaction can guide my behavior." It's beautiful, folks. All those years where I felt like I was feeling my way around blindly, trying to ascertain if I was doing "the right things" when it came to my children. I'm seeing some of those things pay off. And it feels really fucking great. (gee, I wonder where the cuss club idea came from?)

So anyway, yeah. I guess I'm patting myself on the back a bit here...but it's really not just me. That little guy is so special. He shines. His brother shines, too...with different but equal brilliance. And it's amazing to be witness to them both growing up, coming together, and becoming whole.

Thanks for letting me gush.

Yay! Zagg is back!

August 16, 2005

randomWalks: Defend Cindy Sheehan!

I've missed you, Zagg!

I forgot to post my weekly gratitude post.

August 16, 2005

OK, in no particular order...at least 5 things I am grateful for:

• Pansy, Clay, and their family. (which, you know, I'm grateful for every day...but it's the first thing that came to mind today)
• Getting to meet Mr. Rowland last week.
• People who don't get all bent out of shape when I point out that they might be speaking from a position of privilege.
• My van.
• The two sweet interns at one of my work sites, whose last day of work was yesterday.

Wit.

August 16, 2005

Redneck Mother: He's so over it

Forget the quagmire in Iraq. The man can't even manage the quagmire at the end of his driveway.

It's funny, because it's true. And then again...perhaps it's not funny at all. Because it's true.

Calling out the profane

August 16, 2005

Cindy, Don, and George: On Being in a Ditch at the Side of the Road

"There are a few people around the US and a couple of my fellow witnesses who were a little justifiably worried that in my anger and anguish over Casey's premeditated death, I would use some swear words, as I have been known to do on occasion when speaking about the subject. Mr. Conyers, out of my deep respect for you, the other representatives here, my fellow witnesses, and viewers of these historic proceedings, I was able to make it through an entire testimony without using any profanity. However, if anyone deserves to be angry and use profanity, it is I. What happened to Casey and humanity because of the apparent dearth of honesty in our country's leadership is so profane that it defies even my vocabulary skills. We as Americans should be offended more by the profanity of the actions of this administration than by swear words. We have all heard the old adage that actions speak louder than words and for the sake of Casey and our other precious children, please hold someone accountable for their actions and their words of deception."

That is such a great quote.

unanswered questions...

August 16, 2005

The Observer | Focus | Death in Stockwell: the unanswered questions

He wasn't wearing a heavy jacket. He used his card to get into the station. He didn't vault the barrier. And now police say there are no CCTV pictures to reveal the truth. So why did plainclothes officers shoot young Jean Charles de Menezes seven times in the head, thinking he posed a terror threat?

I think most of us can answer that question.

[link via ex-lion tamer]

Another response, linky love, and my ire.

August 15, 2005

I don't like not having comments:

Hi Dru-- I've been reading your posts about Cindy Sheehan avidly in the past week or so. Thank you for them. I especially enjoy your e-conversation with David Anderson. I sometimes think that men get too hung up on being called a sexist. He uses your use of the term in a way that brushes off your point. As if you are just labelling anyone that disagrees with you sexist. It's like he fails to (or refuses?) to see how sexism plays out on a grander scale-- that we all play into it in one way or another. You were just asking him to acknowledge that it is part of the world we live in and is part of how people are brushing Sheehan off. Anyhow, thanks again for the posts. I'm so glad I found your blog. Best wishes, Claire

Thanks, Claire.

And we have one of them little old linky love fests going on down here in Austin, Texas.

w00t.

Heavens! I forgot the ire!

Well, I'm having a "heavy flow" day AND a bad hair day, and it appears that certain annoying individuals in my life are choosing to refuse to accept the terms of our relationship and move forward in a spirit of reasonable cooperation, and instead would rather persist in the same bullshit immature patterns. I wish this person would just grow the fuck up already and invest his idle energy into becoming a better person rather than waste it on grudge-holding and barrier-creating.

Blah.

The kiddos.

August 15, 2005

We went on our morning walk today, and Monk was falling behind. I circled around to walk next to him and noticed he was unusually silent. "Whatchya doing, Monk?" I asked
He half-grinned "I'm praying for good Karma, mom."

bahahahhahahaha. The best part is that he actually realized and intended the irony. I LOVE that kid. LOVE him.

Coley has a new favorite song:

Bring It On by Nick Cave

This garden that I built for you
That you sit in now and yearn
I will never leave it, dear
I could not bear to return
And find it all untended
With the trees all bended low
This garden is our home, dear
And I got nowhere else to go

So bring it on
Bring it on
Every little tear
Bring it on
Every useless fear
Bring it on
All your shattered dreams
And I’ll scatter them into the sea
Into the sea

The geraniums on your window sill
The carnations, dear, and the daffodil
Well, they’re ordinary flowers
But they long for the light of your touch
And of your trembling will
Ah, you’re trembling still
And I am trembling too
To be perfectly honest I don’t know
Quite what else to do

So bring it on
Bring it on
Every neglected dream
Bring it on
Every little scheme
Bring it on
Every little fear
And I’ll make them disappear

So bring it on, bring it on
Bring it on
Every little thing
Bring it on
Every tiny fear
Bring it on
Every shattered dream
And I’ll scatter them into the sea

When he heard it the first time, he said "Mama! It's a rock and roll song AND a love song!"

I replied "Yeah, AND it's about a man who isn't afraid to face his lover's emotions!"

Ah! The kiddos! They make every experience so freaking fun. Even walks in humid Texas and mundane drives in an un air-conditioned vehicle.

Two Excellent Posts.

August 15, 2005

I just want to quickly point out this post at Reading A1, and this post at the Light of Reason. They are both wonderful. Thank you to both of the authors for articulating this so clearly.

Progressives, Sexism, Accountability, and Moral Authority

August 15, 2005

Hi David,

You know I have to tell you that, as a progressive, it is imperative that you understand that all men (and most women) have issues with internalized/unexamined sexism...regardless of how cool they are; no matter how liberal or radical their politics. It really bothers me that you aren't open to seeing how that played out in your acceptance of a woman as a passive participant* vs. a woman as an active resistor. You need only acknowledge that this is so**, and accept that, like all people who are raised in a society that promotes sexism (and racism)(and war**)...you yourself cannot help but be affected by that sexism (and racism)(and war**). I've addressed this issue time and time again, in fact, with regard to racism. If you were to call me out on something that I have said that has been racist, I would hope that you would hold me accountable for that behavior and those words just as I am attempting to hold you accountable. That's our job. That's how we learn to communicate and live together. That's why we are progressive...and THAT is why we have the moral authority.

I've also noticed a shift in your responses. It's subtle, but it's there. I'll have to address it later, as I am at work and have little time...and I wanted to mostly explain my comments about sexism to you because your whole "I am NOT EITHER a sexist" is a trigger for me. You ARE sexist. I AM racist. All I ask is that you think about how your words can be viewed through that lens...and that you acknowledge that...because we can't move forward until we understand where we are starting from.

I have mad respect for you and for The Bellman. I do, indeed, want to support you David. I do, indeed, want to be on the same side. However, I can't abide having someone demand that I "drop it" as if I'm a dog holding a bone. I will drop it exactly when you acknowledge it. I will move forward exactly when you catch up.

Seriously.

livelifelove
Lainie

*I have to say, too, that I am not intending to diminish Ms. Parks' role at all by stating that she was more passive than Ms. Sheehan. I would, however, hope that we have become more accepting of women as active resistors through the years.

**Ironically, this is so in parallel with what Ms. Sheehan and her fellow military families are requesting of George Bush with regard to the war that I don't even think it's a coincidence. I think it's universal. I think it's all the same thing.

If you have any comments, please feel free to email me. I will post them if I feel they are worth posting...even if I disagree.

More from an article quoted in the previous post...

August 15, 2005

BRC 2002 Events: Social Justice in the 21st Century--What's It Going to Take?

I have been on a journey now for several years—a journey I will probably continue for the rest of my life — to discover answers to building a winning movement for real and transformational social change. Part of that journey took me to Peace Development Fund where we conducted a National Listening Project. We asked organizers and activists across the country what we needed to do in order to build a winning movement? What was currently missing?

People identified three key areas about when they thought about what it would take to build a winning movement:

• First, we have to create a vision of what it is we are trying to build. People will not join us when all they see us talk about is "what we are against" instead of what we are for.
• Secondly, folks said we have to learn new ways to communicate and connect with each other. We often recreate the competitive and distrustful environments that we are trying to work against in our organizations for change. There are also issues of racism, classism, and other oppressions that affect how we work together; we have often learned to look at each other with the most critical eye, rather than at what each other's best gifts are to the work.
• The third thing folks talked about was hardest to put into words. It's what I call "spirit." I define "spirit" as a connection to something greater than ourselves, a connection to the whole. It is our connection to each other, to the earth, to the ancestors, and to our deepest self.

Many activists we interviewed talked about the fact that they were drawn to the work for social justice from deeply held heart-values or spiritual beliefs. Yet there is often no room for paying attention to spirit in our political work. As a result, many people don't feel they have the support to sustain them through this difficult time. People also attributed this to the reasons we don't connect with each other as deeply as we should.

So how do we go about addressing these issues?

First, we have to create a common vision of what kind of world we want to live in. I'm not talking about a utopian fantasy, but a vision based on what we know is possible, a vision that answers certain question. What is the world we want to create? We have to explore and figure out what kind of government we want and how to make it truly representative of the people. What kind of education system? What kind of economic system? Justice system? Medical system? In all of these areas, there are examples of what is possible. But often we are so focused on the problems that we can't see the possibilities. And that destroys our capacity to make change.

We must develop and move toward positive visions of the future. And to do that we have to create positive compelling images that will draw us toward them. Once we do, we must act as if the world we are trying to create already exists. Gandhi says, "Be the change you want to see in the world." We must create experiences and models so people can feel and understand what it is we want to build.

I'm bubbling over with things to say about this that are only tangientially related to what's going on in Crawford right now. But I have to take the kids to an appointment, and can't say more.

If you have any comments, please feel free to email me. I will post them if I feel they are worth posting...even if I disagree.

Responses to Cindy Sheehan posts...

August 15, 2005

(particularly the "keeping the women in their place" rant, which seems to be sticking in the craw of certain men.)

Since my comments (and, evidently, trackbacks too) are busted, I think it's only fair to post the email and trackback I have received from the two men I called out in the aforementioned.

First, Bellman...his email is in blockquote, mine are regular text:

Hey Dru,

After reading your most recent post ("put the women in their place"), I doubt we are going to be able to agree. And I realize that I am often wrong. So, I say the following not to upset you but just to outline my position. Feel free to quote it on your site if you think it's terrible and want to publicly out me as a quote progressive unquote rather than a real progressive in true solidarity with y'all. Or not.

Fair enough. And, believe it or not, it actually does take quite a bit to upset me.

1. I completely support Cindy Sheehan, and I have no complaints against her or anyone who wants to support her in ANY way. My half- assed comments on my own site have everything to do with convincing the people out there who don't already agree with us, and I admit to being uncertain as to how to do that. Which leads me to...

2. I was a Dean supporter (except when I was agitating on behalf of Nader), and I was a full-on Nader supporter in 2000. I've been going to anti-war rallies. I would probably go to protest the G8 if I had the time and the money to do so. But I'm starting to despair that these protests aren't very effective at all at the one thing they need to do: That is, convince people who do not already agree with us. They sure make me feel better while I'm at them, but later I see that it was like shooting a rubber band at the Great Wall of China.
The Nader rallies were the worst. I'd come out of there after listening to Jim Hightower and Molly Ivins and Ralph himself, and hit the cold reality that the people who needed to hear those speeches weren't ever going to come.

I respect your feelings about all this, but I think this is where we begin to disagree: I think "framing" and shit like that is important if we actually want to get things done (although I certainly do NOT agree with the posts you are complaining about in most respects).
Protests may be good therapy or emotional support for the protesters.
But, if we are really serious about stopping the war so OUR kids don't end up over there, we need more than emotional support. We need to fucking convince some people, and sometimes that takes craft. My personal political hero, MLK, didn't win by sheer force of righteousness. LBJ didn't effect civil rights legislation by appealing to the emotions of those that didn't already agree with him. There was craft involved, and crass and base misdirection and bare-knuckle politics. And that's the one thing that the anti-war crowd (so far) hasn't been able to do.

Anyway, that's what I think.

Stay well,

The Bellman

My response to Mr. Bellman in email went like this:

My response to you is that we need MORE not LESS emotion. I feel like one of the major reasons we are able to convince ourselves to get involved in wars in the first place is because we are deeply emotionally impaired as a society, and I feel like people like Cindy Sheehan have stories to tell that can awaken those who aren't quite fucked up beyond repair. So, that's the angle I'm approaching this from. I'm not sure if you've viewed it from that angle or not. The emotional impairment, I feel, begins at birth, where both parents and children are conditioned to harden themselves to each other (parents are encouraged or forced to return to work and put children in daycare at the age of 6 weeks or sooner...which I personally know to be an extremely traumatizing event...they are encouraged to allow babies to "cry it out" rather than comforting them from as early as 1 month...they are encouraged or forced to send the children to be educated intellectually and morally by strangers from the age of 4-5 and up) it's all a process of disconnecting.

So, yeah. I probably sound like a total loon now. Hahahaha. And if I do, then so be it. I feel like most of this has to do with our fucked up system of economics and the isolation that comes from competition and scarcity...which is why I'm all about finding small communities and building them up. What Cindy Sheehan is doing is much huger than any political party (or even a partisan message) to me. What she is doing touches me with a depth that no other activist in my time has touched me. I lack the authority to say that it's on par with MLK or Rosa Parks, but it's truly radical, and I get that she's sincere and is speaking from her heart, and I don't think anyone can truly bring her down as long as she stays true to that (anti)strategy.

And now, my pal David Scott Anderson...

UPDATE: Okay, I knew I was going to piss some people off with this post, but Dru, please don't question my support of women or imply that my position is sexist. I would feel exactly the same if Cindy was a Father. I tried to post this on your blog, but got a server error:

Dru,this has nothing to do with Putting women in their place. I supported Cindy's Protest from the beginning. But I don't believe it is accomplishing much of anything right now. It is time to take practical steps, not symbolic protest. Thanks for the link.

Now I am not going to go on infinitum clarifying my position, I wont do it for the Right, and I won't do if for my Sisters and Brothers on the Left either. I will simply state for the record, that I believe Cindy's protest has served it's purpose. It has elevated awareness of the debate over Iraq. It has exposed lies on the part of the administration, and it has personalized the conflict in a way that raw casualty numbers could not. For that alone, Cindy is a hero in my eyes. But... And it is a big But, it is time to move on with action. It is clear that Bush is NOT going to meet with her. What purpose is served by continuing what HAS become a sideshow?

The problem with us on the Left is we have a limited attention span. First there was Florida, soon forgotten, Ohio, mostly forgotten, Downing Street, Karl Rove, etc. etc. etc. Instead of coordinating our efforts and winning battles, we fight skirmishes and move on, barely making a dent in the Administration Armor. In the feeding Frenzy over Cindy's case, Karl Rove has been pushed off the front page, Downing Street is at a Dead End, and when the media grows tired of this story, they will move on. We need leadership, plans, coordinated actions and a sustained, clear message if we are going to take our country back. Cindy has the opportunity to play a leadership role in that, but in my opinion the message is being lost in the show.

He adds, in comments:

Well, I respect her and admire her for having the courage to make the statement, but the comparrisons to Rosa Parks are WAY over the Top. Rosa Parks was a quiet woman who was tired and wanted to sit down, she did not seek the publicity she got, in fact she shunned it, and quietly went about her job in the NAACP. Like Rosa, Cindy is a hero, but it will be a while before she is deserving of elevation to that type of status.

And my response is:

David, you are totally contradicting yourself. First you call for Cindy Sheehan to pull up stakes now that she's made her point, and in the next paragraph you say that we have a short attention span and we don't stick with one thing long enough before moving on to the next.

Which is it?

I think you ought to go out to Crawford before you decide what it's all about. Basically, what is there is about 100 people, a great number of whom are family members of soldiers both living and dead, who are camped out in the heat (with the bugs and snakes. Don't forget the bugs and snakes!) UNFLINCHINGLY asking George Bush to show either accountability or compassion. He is choosing to show neither, and I think they ought to stay there, and, as a fellow blogger wrote, cling to him like Jacob Marley's chains.

Quietly or loudly, but always persistently.

You should also know that Ms. Sheehan has been around for months and months now, working for change in various ways. This is just one of the ways she has chosen to agitate. You should read up on her...it might help you to "frame things."

Look, I also see sexism in what you are saying. I feel it in your comment about Rosa Parks "quietly going about her work." While that may have been well and good in Parks' time, it doesn't work now. Ms. Sheehan is vocal, but she is also unbelievably kind. She yells, but she is incredibly soft-spoken. She cusses, but she is undeniably articulate. And, you know, I'll bet there was as much or more opposition to Rosa Parks' stand as there is to Ms. Sheehan's. I also know that, like Sheehan, Rosa Parks didn't just rise out of nowhere to become an activist. In fact, the way in which history presents the story of Parks as a doe-eyed, regular everywoman - rather than a practiced and intentional activist smacks of immense sexism to me.

I can't say whether or not history will compare the two favorably, but I can say that Cindy Sheehan is the most compelling and inspiring activist in MY time. It does us no good to tear her actions down from this side. The other side is stuttering for ways to do it, because it's pretty fucking difficult to do without distorting what's going on in Crawford. You are distorting what is going on in Crawford. I can tell you that what is in Crawford is a visceral memorial to fallen soldiers, a bunch of families who are directly affected by this & seeking answers or at least catharsis, and a handful of people there to stand behind them in support...with an occasional rally thrown in for good measure and morale.

I have so much more to say about this...and I'll probably post on my blog later. The comments are not working on my blog & I apologize for that, but I will link back to you so people can see your response here.

And, by the way, why can't someone else do some other form of protest WHILE Cindy Sheehan is standing down in Texas? Do we really have to do one thing at a time? I'm still waiting for your brilliant political strategy that is going to end this. While you are typing, people ARE "moving on with action." Your words about the ineffectiveness of the stand down in Crawford remind me of what so many people say about blogs! And I think blogs are absolutely revolutionary, but we need several people to go about reaching out in several different ways. Cindy Sheehan's message has reached me, my mom, MY CHILDREN, and many others. If you can find another effective, non-violent way of getting the message out there, you will have my full support. But it's not a zero-sum game. We don't have to coordinate and frame and market everything that happens. Cindy Sheehan and the other military families who are speaking out will reach some people, and they won't reach others. There's not one way to go about this, but I think this way is *A* way. It's a way that I, as a mother, particularly find effective. And, certainly she's preaching to the choir with me...but she also has a lot of sympathy from the press, and she seems absolutely unbowed by the few, predictable, cynical jabs she is getting.

I don't want you or anyone else out there who has an internalized, unexamined (gender) bias or agenda fucking it up.

ETA: If you have any comments, please feel free to email me. I will post them if I feel they are worth posting...even if I disagree.

My dirty little secret.

August 15, 2005

I have a huge crush on Gen. JC Christian. This is why.

I love you, patriotboy! Let's get together sometime and have mad, kinky radical/reactionary sex!

The Housemate Hunt Begins in Earnest

August 14, 2005

I have been shirking my duties as a DIY goddess. The two buckets of paint I bought last weekend are sitting there, waiting to be applied to the walls. The tile I have been freecycling like a madwoman is out by the fence, by the couch, and in the car. It will get done.

Right now, I'm starting to focus my energies on finding the perfect housemate. My assignment this weekend is to visualize who I am looking for for that space...and I'm having a really difficult time doing this.

I've rented out the room before, and the person I rented it to was nothing like who I might have envisioned, but he was perfect. I guess now, having had the perfect housemate, I'm having trouble with my vision because Adam (the perfect housemate) keeps interfering. And while Adam was, in fact, perfect...for some reason I keep trying to convince myself that I want someone different from Adam.

Lemme explain.

What made Adam so perfect was the fact that he was virtually invisible. The guy LIVED in his room. He would sheepishly ask permission to use the stove, but mostly cooked batches of beans in his crockpot and read piles and piles of books. He paid his rent fairly on time, in cash, without complaint. When he left, he gave ample notice (he ended up having to move back home with his parents because he got laid off) and he left the room clean and empty.

Sounds perfect, right?

Indeed, it does. And it's fucking with my ability to define what I want in a housemate. Because Adam was so cool, part of me wants another Adam...and another part of me wants a housemate who will be more involved in the household goings-on.

I guess the question is whether I actually need to decide in advance what I'm looking for. Maybe the answer is no. I mean, after all, all of the pregnancy guidebooks I read said that I would have to interview several midwives before I found the one that I would want to use...and I went and chose the first midwife I spoke to. It was the best decision I ever made in my life. So, maybe I need to do the same thing with a roommate. Put out there what is ME, and reel in someone who is interested in being here.

ROOMMATE WANTED $550 ABP:

Looking for a roommate to share a 4-bedroom house with a joyful, vegetarian, radical homeschooling mama and her two energetic children. The room is large, private, and has its own bathroom and walk-in closet. If you like kids, dogs, cats, politics, and soup...we want to meet you!

Rotating array of cool feminist mama folks included. You choose whether you want to participate or hole-up. Email me if interested. Available Oct. 1st.

Oh, great...here comes the left wing "put the women in their place" brigade.

August 14, 2005

I have been trying to figure out how to articulate the feeling I'm getting from some of the (decidedly male) reactions to the phenomenon that is Ms. Sheehan and her form of protest/grief. Then I read this post by Redneck Mother:

An email loop I'm on was apoplectic this weekend after a guy wrote a vicious screed attacking a fellow list member for mentioning that she was going to Camp Casey. Another dude jumped on board to second that emotion, and some women on the list (including, I must say, me) shut them down.

And, I gotta say, I was still feeling a little stung about the earlier quoted post by Bellman, when I read this post by David Scott Anderson:

I have come to the conclusion that Progressives have hurt their own cause more than helped it by the form of our dissent. Rather than taking an aggressive political and legal course to address our grievances, we create circus side shows that as much alienate those who we would seek to sway, as convince anyone of the justness of our cause.

And now I'm just spitting mad.

Listen up, Men. Just because it seems to be more difficult for you to grasp the depth of emotion involved in this situation does not mean what is happening in Crawford is a "circus side show" or a "media whoring" event or a "publicity stunt."

What I'm seeing in reactions like these from both the left and the right (and I'm not going to link directly to anyone on the right, but amanda does a good job of calling out John Cole in this post*) is the same argument that emotion is somehow inferior to logic, without the acknowledgement that emotions ARE logic.

Fuck that. Fuck all of that. Maybe I've got my uterus-colored glasses on, but I'm seeing all sorts of male privilege in these posts, and I'm not liking it. It brings me back to an earlier post by Robert Arjet where he was talking about (abusive/insensitive) men and their refusal to do the emotional work, and the tendency for men to dismiss emotion, and therefore put women in their place, by accusing people (mainly women) who express strong emotion of being manipulative.

Yes, Camp Casey is a spectacle. Yes, it's a protest against the war. Yes, it's a media show. And, yes, DAMNIT, it's a raw, emotional fucking deal. I know there are radical fathers out there, but I'm not hearing the same thing from men that I have heard from women. Women who cried when walking past the crosses representing our fallen soldiers. Women who jumped at the chance to take a trip to Crawford Texas from Massachussetts like it was a fucking game show prize. Women who have husbands and children in Iraq and have to deal with the constant worry that comes with that. Women, like me, who are trying to raise their boys to be honorable men...and who don't feel like feeding those honorable men to the war machine when they turn 18. Women who are sick and fucking tired of having MEN define the word HONORABLE in such a sick, fucking, twisted way. This is gritty, emotional stuff. And it's about fucking time someone stood out in the heat and said "Look at us! We are here, and we aren't going to hide conveniently behind the flag (OR some crusty old hippy protestor dude) just because you tell us to."

What Cindy Sheehan represents to me is a mama who has, quite fiercely, decided that she has had enough. And fuck you for trying to put her in her place. I think Robert, actually, nails it when he identifies the perfect place for Cindy Sheehan and the other military families who are courageous enough to take a stand in spite of the cynical naysayers who want us to attempt to "logic" our way out of this war. That place? Shackled to George Bush like Jacob Marley's chains.

And suddenly I had this image of a crowd of grieving mothers, fathers, children, trailing behind Bush everywhere he went. He would have to drag them around the country behind him like a human ball and chain. Like Jacob Marley, with his tangle of chains and cashboxes and ledgers. Far from escaping his sins, he'd be condemned to drag them along behind him.

Let's keep in mind here that this is a legitimate protest being forwarded by people with legitimate grievances against an illegitimate war. I am not going to tolerate so-called "progressive" men trying to minimize this woman's efforts by asserting their perceived authority about "right" and "wrong" ways to draw attention to the issues we, as mothers, as women, as parents, as people face.

If you've got a better idea for stopping this war - turn off your fucking computer, get off of your fucking ass, gather the necessary resources and FUCKING DO IT. But for fuck's sake, in the meantime, have the decency to shut the fuck up and let people do what they feel is necessary without spouting your bullshit about "substance" and "spectacle."

P.S. Aldon Haynes says it much better, and with less froth. If that's what you prefer.

ETA: Oh good fucking Lord, will you SHUT UP, already.

She is a mother, not a person, and only then will she have the power and moral authority to challenge the ruler. As a person, she is nothing. As a mother, she has the moral authority of all mothers through the ages.

[...]

That's why she is having no effect (none / 1)

She is not effective, because she is one person.

As a universal archetype, she has power.

As an individual, she has nothing.

And, while yr at it..."frame" my left one. GodDAMN I can't fucking stand strategists.

*And my response to John Cole went something like this:

Pardon me while I muscle through the testosterone here and bring up a point that hasn't been raised in the comments:

This isn’t about Cindy Sheehan. Andrew, Atrios, all the folks at dKos couldn’t give a SHIT about Cindy Sheehan. This is about galvanizing support against the war, and not a whit about Cindy Sheehan and her ‘questions.’ And for some of them, this isn’t even about galvanizing support against the war- it is just pure politics.

I know that us womenfolk don't count as much as those lefty men you mentioned there, but for me and many other women on the web (and, most likely, many men) Cindy Sheehan is a human being who is in a really painful place and she would sincerely like answers to her questions. Additionally, she would sincerely like Bush to stop using her son's death to justify a war.

Her message is plain, and it's a message I, as a mother of boys, find very comforting. I want to make DAMN SURE that if my boys are ever sent to fight in a war, there is a DAMN GOOD REASON. And that the leaders of the country I live in do not use their HONOR against them and mislead them into fighting a war that is more about feeding a capitalist machine than protecting our country.

I am raising my sons to be good men. George Bush, or any other leader, does not deserve to use them to acquire or maintain wealth. And if he or whoever is leading our country at the time that they become men choose to fight a war of liberation, they better make damn sure that is clear to the troops BEFORE they send them over, so my sons can make a choice as to whether or not they wish to fight for that cause.

This is what I believe to be Cindy Sheehan's message. And, such as it is, it's pretty fucking unassailable. I thank her for her honor. In fact, I love her for her strength.

Photos from our trip to Crawford

August 14, 2005

I have to fix some of the photos because I resized them wrong, but I can't sit here in front of the computer any longer.

Peace in Numbers

August 14, 2005

t r u t h o u t - One Mother's Stand

Anyway, back to the fantabulistic thing that happened to day. We had a rally downtown in Crawford. Then the people caravanned up to Camp Casey. I was told to come down to the point of the triangle to greet them. While I was walking down to the point, I had a great view of Prairie Chapel Road. There was car, after car, after car!!! I started sobbing and I felt like collapsing. The cars kept on coming. It took almost a full hour for them to all get to Camp Casey, it was a miraculous sight to see. It was identical to Field of Dreams.

People came from all over the country to be here. We are building a movement and they are coming.

We don't have a full count of all the people who were there, but I would say hundreds. It was amazing and awesome. I felt the spirits of all of our needlessly killed loved ones in the presence of Camp Casey. I felt their strength and the wisdom of the ages with me in that wonderful place.

(because I'm still a little hung up on the Bellman's assertion that more people is a bad idea, even though he kinda/sorta changed his mind, maybe. Depending on what the media says.)

The email, and the response.

August 13, 2005

The email:

Dear Cindy,

I drove up to Crawford yesterday with my two boys and my friend and her two children. We are radical homeschooling mamas, and have been talking to our children about you. My boys were very touched by your story, and we wanted to stand with you in a spirit of community. My four-year old wanted to give you a kiss, and while my 8 year old is more reserved, I think he at least would have like to have met you. They truly 'get' your fierce mama love, and they totally respect it. We were sorry we couldn’t actually meet you yesterday, but we were heartened by the crowd and the number of families who, like yours, are deeply affected by this war.

So, I want to thank you for what you are doing. I didn’t get to hug you like I wanted to, but I might be back. I wanted to let you know, though, that two families here in Austin are right there with you in spirit. Thank you very much for your courage. And we are so sorry for your loss.

With tears in my eyes,

Lainie Duro
Monk Andrew Duro Landry (8)
Cole Sequoia Lark Duro Landry (4)

My boys are going to be so thrilled that she responded. I'm thrilled, too:

dear lainie
i hope you come back..i love kids
i have been sooo busy
love you
cindy

counterproductive?

August 13, 2005

Reading this Memo to anti-war crowd from The Bellman reminded me of some important issues that were raised by the organizers of the campers in Crawford.

At the camp meeting I was able to attend, the organizers made it very clear that this event was about military families and supporting their grievances. They were explicit in their admonishments that this not be an "Anti-Bush" protest or even and "anti-war" protest, and that other issues should be addressed in other forums.

The message was very clear to me when I was there. It was a memorial for soldiers who had died, and an outlet for their grieving loved ones.

While I guess in an abstract way I understand what the Bellman is saying in his post, I also understand a couple of other things.

First, Ms. Sheehan is being totally maligned in the press, and it's absolutely imperative that her supporters are visible to her as well as to anyone else who might wish to voice their grief over the loss of their dear ones. I should also add that it appeared that most of the campers were, in fact, families of people in the military.

Second...and this might just be because I'm a mama and I have an agenda...but these family members need to have US as an audience, and not a throng of pro-bush/pro-war folks. Like I said, it seemed to be very encouraging to a lot of folks that we were there with our children to educate them about the human cost of war. When I decided to GO to Crawford, it was about wanting to offer comfort, AND wanting my children to learn a lesson about community. Community is something that exists in your neighborhood and within your ideology.

The atmosphere at the camp was not one of protest. There was no chanting, no drumming. I guess at one point, someone played some bagpipes...but this event is very different from the protests, and I think the organizers are very aware of the "point" and are not "messing it up" or watering it down in any way.

And, you know...Sheehan herself is an anti-war activist. She does not hedge that issue at all. She, in fact, was at an anti-war event when she decided to head to Crawford in the first place. So, yeah, I guess if the administration wants to spin that Crawford's anti-war protest is diminished by the fact that she's surrounded by anti-war protestors...um...I guess they can feel free to do that. I think it's the reason why so many of these military families are finding themselves in the anti-war camp that is so compelling...and that's strengthened, not diminished, by the numbers standing in solidarity.

No Hugs, Many Thoughts.

August 12, 2005

I am so tired right now that I'm sure this post will either be very brief and non-descript or somewhat rambly and typo-ridden.

I woke up early today to drink my coffee and make last-minute preparations for our journey. I'm a freak about road trips. I have a list, and I check items off of the list. Last night's list was particularly long. I was exhausted when I fell into bed at 2 AM.

My kids arrived at 7:15, and Pansy arrived at around 8. We sat and had coffee and chatted a bit while the kids played, and then we loaded everyone/everything into the car. The kids were strapped in, Pansy got in, I got in and buckled my seatbelt and started the car. Then Pansy said "OK! So...where are the directions."

hahahahaha.

The directions were the one item I left off of my list.

So I ran in and got the directions to Crawford. I figured if we got close enough, my uterus (the built in homing device all women share) would get us the rest of the way. We took off, and it was such a great drive. No traffic problems the entire way. The windows down (my van doesn't have A/C) and the music blaring. My kids fell asleep and Pansy's kids were pretty mellow, so we trucked all the way to Waco without stopping.

We stopped in Waco to get a flat of water and gator aid and some salty snacks for the kids. Pansy had made sandwiches and cookies - so we ate some of that while we were stopped. We were close. the kids were happy to get out of the car for a little while.

We got back in and headed out to Crawford. I think we got there at around 11:30 or noon.

As Susan was kind enough to post for me, we hung out at the Peace House for awhile because the secret service was turning people away. Evidently, his royal majesty did not wish to be reminded of the human cost of war while he was on his way to his fundraiser, so he had the roads blocked to prevent any more hooligans and plebians from darkening his door. I felt really restless at Peace House. I wanted to Be There with everyone. But the kids had fun, and we helped make sandwiches and chopped veggies for the ladies who hadbeen relegated to kitchen duty.

I met a mama there who was in from Boston. Her husband is in Iraq right now, and her pain was palpable. She said he's coming home next month, and I could almost hear the silent "I hope" in her eyes. She asked me if I had anyone "over there" and I said "friends and loved ones, but no family members." I told her I brought my kids because we homeschool, and I felt like it was important for them to see what people do to support other people who are grieving. She said that she heard about Cindy, and called Military Families Speak Out to find out if there was something symbolic she could send, since she couldn't afford to come out to Crawford. They called her back and offered her an all-expenses paid vacation there. I sort of laughed & said something like "I bet that was like winning a game show." She nodded emphatically. She brought her older daughter along but left her younger daughter at home. She was looking at our kids when she said "I just felt like this was too intense for her." And I realized my immense privilege. This was something I COULD bring my kids to because it is still abstract to them...there is not the same level of intensity as a family who is directly experiencing the very real agony of not knowing whether their someone will be coming or not, and if they are coming back, how damaged they might be.

The Peace House has a stone labyrinth in the yard (I'll post pictures later) and the big kids played there while Coley accompanied me in the kitchen. Coley was scared at first to come into the house, but I gave him the camera and that loosened him up a bit.

When I came out from making sandwiches, All of the kids were sitting cross-legged in the labyrinth. Monk said he was doing his daily meditation. I felt really restless, still, at Peace House. I wanted something to happen. I didn't like the waiting around.

We finally decided to head out to the camp at 1:45. Someone had told us that the blockades would be removed at 1:30, so we piled in the van and, since we had room for one more, we pulled up at the shuttle pickup spot and picked up a gentleman who wanted to head up to the camp, as well. He was a nice man, and we talked about homeschooling and the peace movement and all manner of things.

The strange thing about the day is I didn't ever get the patented Liberal Response to homeschooling. That is, whenever I told someone we were homeschooling our kids and this was one of their lessons, they immediately got it. Maybe it was the fact that it was in context, and was easier to understand how homeschooling fits so perfectly with liberal/radical politics...or maybe, as Pansy surmised, it's because most liberals are so sold on the idea of Public Education as the cornerstone of society that they can't conceive of anything being preferable to Public Education.

Either way, we got a lot of really positive responses to our kids and their presence. Pansy said she noticed that a lot of the military family members seemed comforted by the presence of the children. They certainly were very much welcomed...more so than I remember feeling they ever were at any of the other protests. The adults interacted with them. It was nice.

When we got to the camp site, I parked the van. We were going to do a drop off, and one of us was going to drive the van back and shuttle back in, but we only had about an hour, so we decided to risk it and just park the van and head to the camp. We parted ways with our passenger.

I think the most stunning thing about the camp was how full it was. The pictures I had seen in the media reports were so focused on Cindy, that it really seemed that she was the center of the event. And, certainly that is true, but there were so very many military families there...and so many more people than I thought would be there. I am a horrible judge of crowd sizes, so I'm not even going to estimate.

I had a nice discussion with one of the officers there who were protecting the little triangle of land that was "private property." He was very nice and friendly and forthcoming with me. I told him that I had my kids with me and wanted to make sure we were abiding by the law, and he very sweetly told me what they were there for. He informed me that there had been some trouble earlier in the day, but the trouble was caused by a counter-protester (whose picture I will put up later) who was verbally harassing people. It was clear to me from the way this officer spoke about it that he was far happier with the multitudes of Cindy Sheehan supporters than the scant 4 George Bush supporters. I could not discern what his opinion was politically - but at least from a professional standpoint it was apparant that the Meet With Cindy crowd was doing a good job of maintaining a positive interface with the police.

The children were stunned by the wooden crosses, and Pansy suggested that we walk to the end of the row and back. Somewhere in the middle, Coley asked me to read the names, so I randomly read some of the names on the crosses. I thought, as we were walking, how the hell do you launch a conservative counter-protest against this? It doesn't make logical sense to attack a war memorial and a grieving mother. Evidently, however, the idiots on the right aren't going to let that stop them. We learned that a busload of them are, indeed, coming out tomorrow. To do what, exactly, I do not know. Seriously. How the fuck do you protest Cindy Sheehan? The angle the 4 counter demonstrator took today was to hold up signs that said "We support George Bush." How counter-intuitive is that? Why the fuck do we need to support OUR PRESIDENT? He's...like...the PRESIDENT. It's his fucking job to support US. Let's not forget who's supposed to serve who here.

As we finished the walk to the end of the crosses and back, I noticed a cute little red-haired boy running around in the road. Then I realized that was a familiar cute little red-haired boy, and lo and behold looked up to see a fellow homeschooling mama from Austin with her brood. They said "It's our first field trip of the year!"

I thought it was ironic when we were leaving that the pro-bush demonstrator expressed concern over Coley's proximity to the street. So, we need to be careful to not allow a child to be reckless in the presence of cars...but then we send them to war? Again. I don't understand the logic. I'll keep my child safe, thank you very much, but not so that he can be cannon fodder for the interests of the wealthy. Bee-yotch.

Anyway, that was pretty much the end of a very long, hot day. I had a sunburn and was tired and a little grouchy, and the kids were really worse for wear. But they made it. They were troopers, and I think they got a lot out of the experience.

I did not get to hug Ms. Sheehan because she was, I think, resting or something while we were there. She was out and about when we drove past on our way out, but I figure I will try to head up again either this Sunday or next weekend sometime. I have another mama friend who wants to go, so I might try to make a trip of it with her. Perhaps without my kiddos next time, unless they really feel like they need to meet Cindy themselves.

I'm sure I should put a bunch of links in here somewhere...and I do have pictures...but I'm fucking exhausted. I came home and had a lovely dinner with Pansy and Clay and Susan and Mr. Rowland, who is an absolute sweetie, but I'm sure I'll gush about him another time. I'll add the links and the pictures later. Must. Sleep. Now. Work. Tomorrow.

at Camp Casey

August 12, 2005

It took us two hours to get here. We were sandwich-makers for the revolution. As is typical, all the hippie men sat outside and all the women were inside making lunch. Kids played, Monk meditated at the labyrinth at Peace House, Pansy cleaned up blood in the kitchen with bleach. Secret Service wouldn't let us through until just now. Pictures forthcoming. Desperately seeking Cindy to give her a hug! More later...

(left wireless card at home, posting via Susan and our lo-fi version of cell phone blogging, i.e. Dru calls Susan and tells her what to type over the phone.)

Friday Random Ten - Goin' To Crawford Edition

August 12, 2005

Feministe » Friday Random Ten - The “Sactimonious Women’s Studies Set, Part Deux” Edition

1. spearhead - crime to be broke in america
2. jawbreaker - donatello
3. the velvet underground - temptation inside your heart
4. cocteau twins - oomingmak
5. john lennon - imagine
6. rem - nightswimming
7. jesus and mary chain - cut dead
8. screeching weasel - jock punk
9. public image ltd - low life
10. operation ivy - unity

Don't even ask me why I'm awake. I have spent the last 3 hours cooking and cleaning up and now I'm charging up all of the batteries I have for all of the digital equipment I can muster and I'm going to hit the sack.

The coffee is timed to brew at 6:45.

Operation Ivy - Unity

There's a war goin' down between my brothers tonight,
I don't want no war goin' down tonight.
Civilization? Ha! I call it as I see it.
I call it bullshit! You know, I still cannot believe it
Our evolution now has gone the way of hate
A world evolved resolved into its stupid fate.
Stop this war!
All so different yeah, I say we're all the same
All caught, you know, in the division game.
Self destruction fast impending like a bullet.
No one can stop it, once it's fired, no one can control it.
Stop this war!
A final word, wait it's not a call to action
We ain't no sect, we ain't no f**king faction.
Unity, Unity, you've heard it all before,
This time it's not exclusive we want to stop a war.
Unity as one, stand together,
Unity, evolution's gonna come!

You know you are a total nerd when...

August 11, 2005

You are having a conversation with someone about something you wrote on your blog (and I could probably stop right there, but wait! There's more!) and you actually pantomime TYPING MOTIONS with your hands while you are talking.

I think it will be good when I head to New Mexico and Step. Away. From. The. Blog. For a bit.

I'm a little slow on the draw...

August 11, 2005

But Hanne Blank is back online.

Home Education Magazine blogs

August 11, 2005

Home Education Magazine: One of the oldest and most informative homeschooling magazines.

This is freaking historical

August 11, 2005

t r u t h o u t - One Mother's Stand

But I don't care, I'm goin'. And I'm gonna tell them, "You get that evil maniac out here, cuz a Gold Star Mother, somebody whose blood is on his hands, has some questions for him."

And I'm gonna say, "OK, listen here, George. #1, you quit, and I demand - every time you get out there and say you're going to continue the killing in Iraq to honor the fallen heroes by continuing the mission - you say, except Casey Sheehan.'"

"And you say, except for all the members of 'Gold Star Families for Peace' cuz we think not one drop of blood should be spilled in our families' names. You quit doing that. You don't have my permission."

And I'm gonna say, "And you tell me what the noble cause is that my son died for." And if he even starts to say "freedom and democracy," I'm gonna say "bullshit."

You tell me the truth. You tell me that my son died for oil. You tell me that my son died to make your friends rich. You tell me my son died to spread the cancer of Pax Americana, imperialism in the Middle East. You tell me that, you don't tell me my son died for freedom and democracy.

Cuz, we're not freer. You're taking away our freedoms. The Iraqi people aren't freer, they're much worse off than before you meddled in their country.

urge...to...hug...getting...stronger.

Monsanto wants to Hog the Pigs.

August 11, 2005

Crop King Monsanto Seeks Pig-Breeding Patent Clout

Some fear that Monsanto one day could be filing patent infringement lawsuits against pig farmers. Monsanto already has a track record of suing farmers whose crops contain some of the company's patented genetic plant technology.

"The claims are very unique. It's another incident of Monsanto trying to really push the boundaries," said agricultural patent attorney Heidi Nebel.

Critics also say it is not apparent that Monsanto has actually invented anything new in swine reproduction. They say the company is simply trying to lay claim to a combination of practices already used along with genetic selection that occurs in nature.

I was sort of wondering what kind of evil scheme Monsanto might be cooking up, as I hadn't heard about them for awhile.

An Addendum to the previous post.

August 11, 2005

This article was one that I read to Monk last night, and when I got to the part about the transportation bill that was "about to be signed" Monk chimed in "It's already been signed!"

I said "How did you know about that?"

He replied, matter-of-factly, "I heard about it on the Nightly Business Report, mom."

Homeschooling Cindy Sheehan

August 11, 2005

This is freaking amazing. As is this.

The kids and I have been reading about Cindy every day. Yesterday, I read two different articles to Monk - one that basically called Ms. Sheehan a hero (it ended with the sentence "Cindy Sheehan is right about this war." and the other that said her actions are "near-treasonous.") Monk said he felt the first article was more accurate to how he was feeling about it. I can't find the articles now, because there are literally a thousand (or more) new ones.

It's amazing. It's actually also amazing how different Monk feels about this now than he would have a year ago. I mentioned that to him. I asked him why he suddenly feels like the war is wrong, and that protesting the war is a good idea. He said it's because he found out that George Bush eats at McDonalds.

Coley keeps building monuments with blocks and saying, "if that mama comes to our house, I can show her this." He wants to replace her son somehow. In fact, yesterday when we were reading about reincarnation, Monk said something about how he wished he could be reincarnated as her son. I don't think this is a "wanting a better mama" thing so much as a "wanting to comfort a mama" thing.

This all is a lot to process for my guys, and it's amazing how they are choosing to process it. They are such completely empathic little people, as I imagine all children are.

I'm adding portnoy34 to my list of people I would really like to hug. S/he wrote this really excellent comment at Pandagon that so exactly pegged how I'm feeling at the moment, and I appreciate the effort it took to write it. Here's an excerpt:

Maybe the soldiers themselves did volunteer and maybe they're okay with all of this, but I'm not okay with it and Cindy Sheehan's not okay with it and neither are a lot of citizens. Consider what it takes simply to carry to term and birth a child. Consider the gigantic task of raising that child, protecting him or her from all the harm you can for eighteen long years, teaching them everything from how to tie their shoes, how to feed themselves, how to read and write, how to navigate this world, how to drive, how to say their prayers and tell right from wrong. Picture discovering that the child you have worked so hard to raise begins to form ambitions and plans of his own for how he's going to spend his life and how glad you feel that you got him this far. Poof. Oh, sorry. Good thing it was a -- um -- what are we calling it? Oh, Noble Cause. Yeah, noble cause. Here's your medal. For your-- uh -- "loved one". "Mom."

!!!!!

Who the hell deserves an accounting more than the mother of a fallen soldier? Damn right if it's such a noble cause the twins should enlist. Or any Senator or Congressman's son. (last I heard, only ONE congressman had a child in the armed services.)

That about captures it all. And I think that will be our morning lesson.

Oh, Good Freaking Lord!

August 10, 2005

I knew when I first decided to proclaim "I believe in the inherent goodness of all beings" that at some point I would feel very challenged to do just that. Actually, it's not really that I'm challenged to believe in the inherent goodness of all beings, but rather to not believe in the overwhelming idiocy of certain people.

In the comments of this post (which generously gives me much more credit than I actually deserve), some idiot is actually so totally OUT OF REASONS to condemn Ms. Sheehan, that they resort to hurling insults about the state of her marriage.

You know?

I started this morning by posting comments riddled with the phrase "fuck you" at Pandagon, and that sentiment has followed me throughout the day.

Ms. Sheehan is MOURNING THE DEATH OF HER SON. I am completely fucking horrified by the absolute inability for some people to understand when to shut the fuck up and let someone have a forum from which to grieve, speak, commune, and achieve catharsis.

They would rather defend A WAR then deal with a person's grief. So, now we all know why soldiers return to little or no psychological counseling and aid. Because if we pretend war is not absolutely fucked up, maybe it will make it so.

Quite honestly, "fuck you!" is about the most intelligent response any of them deserve right now.

Motherhood and Empathy and Inherent Goodness

August 10, 2005

Amanda at Pandagon has an excellent post about Cindy Sheehan, nuturing mothers, and the emperor's nudity:

And Cindy Sheehan has the potential to become an outlet for our supressed and marginalized nuturing mother worldview. And she's exposed Bush's pomposity for what it is. There comes a tipping point where people began to empathize with the helpless, side with the ordinary and quit idolizing the overly entitled. It has to be a small child that points out the emperor has no clothes. And it has to be the Trojan women who lament the destruction of war. It's a narrative that's deep inside of us--the common humanity of the little people that just get run over by power-mongerers--and the pathetic nature of the retorts from the right demonstrates the power of this narrative.

And the thing is that this entire time - from the beginning of the war up until now - my objection to the war, to ALL wars is strongest felt when I look at my two boys. I don't want to make it sound like women (or people) are incomplete until they have children, but there is a love that exists for my children that is beyond conventional logic and reason - That I'm sure some people would call illogical and unreasonable, but that I choose to call hyper-logical and hyper-reasonable. And it is, simply, that my children prove to me that people are born to love and be loved. My children prove to me that all beings are, in fact, inherently good. And that any non-goodness they incorporate into their lives is a result of our inability as a society to create institutions which enable inherent goodness...and, in fact, encourage us to supress our goodness to avoid feeling utterly isolated and fractured - in pain.

Perhaps it is this fracture that causes parenthood to be the simplest conduit to reconnecting to the ideas of inherent goodness. Perhaps without this fracture all people, whether they are men or women, child-free or child-laden would fully understand that no person deserves to lose a loved one in such a traumatic and disturbing manner...and deserve even less to be ridiculed and critisized for standing up to the machine that causes those deaths to happen.

Nerd Apple. Nerd Tree.

August 10, 2005

I'm changing the date of the girl party to the 27th. This will allow Ms. Pansy to be there (without having to miss her anniversary) and perhaps make it easier for Redneck Mother to attend (although I haven't invited her yet)...and it gives Zeebah a better chance to hitch a ride down to Austin and share some margaritas with us (Hey, a mama can try!) It will also make the party coincide with NARAL's supreme court house party day...so we can all stand around drinking cocktails and discussing our right to not have others force us to bear children. Among other things, I'm sure.

I think I've mentioned that Monk and I are reading The Complete Idiot's Guide to Hinduism. Yesterday, I got to the chapter about reincarnation, called "Born Again." Monk said "Oh, goody! This is exactly what I've been waiting for!" That child...bless his heart...is such a nerd! But anyway, I really liked the section on "Collective Karma":

Westerners think karma means that if a person is assaulted, say, or born deformed, they must have deserved it due to something terrible they did in a previous life. This is a terrible oversimplification.

A lot of karma playing through our lives is actually not our personal karma at all. It's group karma. There's no underestimating the impact of the way our personal karma flow blends with that of the people close to us, with our community, and with our culture as a whole.

I guess I'm actually a bit of a nerd, myself.

Bush Solves the Energy Crisis...in the future!

August 10, 2005

The Onion | Bush Vows To Eliminate U.S. Dependence On Oil By 4920

"It would be a shame if, by the 33rd century, these bills were still tied up in committee. I urge the 712th Congress to pass this legislation with minimal partisan gridlock," Bush said.

The president's science advisor, John Marburger, provided more details of the energy plan in a press release issued late Monday.

"It is the president's hope that hydrogen fuel cells, nanotechnology, or the recycling of human beings into fuel will hold the key," Marburger wrote. "Whatever the people of the 50th century feel is appropriate."

In a detailed policy statement, Bush elaborated on the plan, expressing the hope that a third party, perhaps one comprising robots or super-intelligent, genetically engineered man-beasts, will help reduce America's dependence on fossil fuels.

[link via prometheus 6]

I know a certain 8-year old and a certain 9-year old who will love this post.

August 10, 2005

Brooklyn Arden: Lines from “Star Wars” That Can Be Improved by Substituting “Pants” for Key Words

[link via redneck mother.]

SonicWall Censorship

August 10, 2005

There's an interesting post about web filtering software on Media Girl today.

WTF?

August 10, 2005

Austin Independent School District : Recent News

As acting Principal, Dr. Nolley will be meeting with the Reagan community to receive its input on the type of educator who can best lead the Reagan campus for the remainder of the 2005-2006 school year. Dr. Nolley said he will conduct “principal profile” meetings in the coming weeks with Reagan teachers, students, parents, the faith-based community, and others.

Is there a reason why "faith-based" needs to be specified in this memo about an administrative transition at a local PUBLIC school?

Mostly, I just want to give her a hug.

August 9, 2005

Today, after I loaded the boys in the car to drive them home from Pansy's house, I told them we were going to be taking a short trip this week out to Crawford, TX to stand in support of a woman who lost her son in the Iraq war. I asked them if they would like to do this, and they both said yes. I told them that this woman is very sad because her son died, and she's also very angry. She's standing outside of George Bush's ranch because she wants to talk to him about how she feels about the war. And he won't talk to her. He won't honor her with the slightest gesture of kindness and empathy.

Coley told me he wanted to go and give her a kiss, so she would not feel sad any more. I told him that would be very nice, and that I think just going to stand in support would probably be helpful.

So, we are going. Maybe we will see you there.

Tattoo Thoughts

August 9, 2005

I was on my morning walk today, and a pomegranate fell off of a tree and rolled down a driveway and stopped at my feet.

I've been thinking about getting a "sacred hArtichoke" (basically, an artichoke in flames) on my chest, and I still really like that icon. However, I think my next tattoo will be a pomegranate.

Three Pomegranates. Well, two and a half.

L and I had a pomegranate with us at our wedding. It was somewhat of a symbol of our love. And when you think of all of the various ways pomegranates are symbolic, it's actually a pretty appropriate symbol of our disintegration, as well. So, my idea is to have someone I know (I'm hoping my friend Allyson, but I haven't asked her yet) design an image with two small pomegranates flanking a larger pomegranate cut in half, with seeds leaking out. Perhaps framed by branches and flowers from a pomegranate tree. I thought about carrying this symbol out by having it done approximately in the area of my uterus, but then I figured the base of my spine is a more appropriate locale.

Now I'm so excited about it that I can't even wait. But I have to. Probably when I get my tax refund, or if I can pick up a contract training job this fall.

Yay, tattoo fever!

She says it better

August 9, 2005

Redneck Mother: Protesting mom put on arrest notice

So now, in addition to library patrons, Greenpeace, and ACLU members, we file bereaved military parents under "national security threat?" In that case, why don't we stop making more of them?

Family Values DO NOT equal Christianity

August 9, 2005

Amanda rightly pegs the fucked up notion that making divorce harder will somehow save more marriages.

However, I noticed something additionally (and more) fucked up about this article. They equate the desire to stay home with children, rather than working, with Christian Values (see title of article, as well as quotes like this one):

''But we wanted our faith and values to come from us instead of outside,'' she said. ``If I'm sending my children to day care eight or nine hours a day, I couldn't even imagine having someone else try to instill values in our children.''

NOTE TO CHRISTIANS: This is why I'm homeschooling my children. I don't want them learning from your kids that they or their loved ones are going to burn in Hell for whatever arbitrary transgression God (allegedly) deems "sinful." And I certainly don't want the public school system teaching my kids that sex is bad and shameful. Not to mention Intelligent Fucking Design.

Also, I don't know about you, but I can really get behind something like this:

[...]it's a good idea to help parents afford to stay home with young children if they want to. One possibility is the Parents' Tax Relief Act of 2005, introduced in June in Congress. It would give families who have a parent at home with small children a federal tax credit equal to the one working parents get for child-care expenses. It would also give employers a tax credit when they allow employees to work at home, a family-friendly option.

As long as you don't have to make a statement of faith in order to get these benefits. And as long as welfare moms get the same benefit (or more) as the wife of some business exec.

Getting a divorce is hard enough. Trust me. I know. The amazing thing articles like this don't even attempt to realize is that when someone makes JUST ENOUGH money to pay all of the bills, hiring a lawyer is already a near-impossibility. The class privilege in the idea that "we need to make divorce harder" is absolutely vomitrocious.

I have my own opinions about how to make marriage "more successful." But I'm not sure that it would eliminate the "divorce rate." Then again, I have the kooky notion that divorce is not necessarily an indication of failure, and can, instead, be an indication of success.

Ivins on Frank

August 9, 2005

Book Exposes the Real ‘New Economy’

Just one symptom of how deeply this nonstop propaganda has affected us lies in the fact that President Bush and Congress repealed the estate tax. Gee, taxing estates — what an un-’90s notion.

The tax affects the 1.5 percent of Americans with estates of more than $2 million; they can pass along the first $2 million tax-free but have to pay now-lowered taxes on the rest. The people who brought us welfare reform on the grounds that getting $8,000 a year to raise three kids is very bad for a mother’s moral fiber now tell us that Junior, who never worked a day in his life, needs to inherit $2 million tax-free. And anyone who thinks otherwise is an elitist.

The redistribution of wealth upward keeps getting worse. Under President Bush’s tax cuts, the richest 10 percent of Americans get 60 percent of the benefits. And this is after a decade in which the rich have made out like bandits while everyone else stalled.

We all know why such decisions are made: The political process no longer represents the people — it represents money. It’s been bought. While we were being sold a bill of goods about how the market “empowers” us because we get to choose between the mint-flavored and the cinnamon-flavored toothpaste, thus expressing our individuality, we lost something important in our vision of a just society.

Happiness is an Empty Pot.

August 8, 2005

There's no more Egyptian bean and vegetable soup. It's All. Gone. And even though it was very tasty and I wish I could have a bowl full right now, I couldn't be happier. There's something incredibly gratifying to me about cooking a big pot of something and sharing it with everyone else. Truly. I didn't even have to be the soup pusher at work today.

It was a good pot of soup.

So, anyway, it was an incredibly long day today, and I actually still have more work to do. I participated in a THREE HOUR LONG web development meeting and, while I really like the folks who are doing our website...the meeting was exhausting. Now I have to write up my notes, take action on my "action items" and find a babysitter so I can update everyone at the staff meeting on Wednesday. I guess the programmer is leaning towards Mambo as our cms. Does anyone know anything about Mambo?

I did get to hang out with our new Management Assistant tonight, and he says he's willing to deal in soup currency in exchange for designing the DIY Goddesses site. I really hope he wasn't fucking with me, because I intend to take him up on it. Yay!

I'm throwing a girl party on the 20th, so anyone in Austin who is a girl who wants to hang out and drink margaritas with the ladies and listen to loud music and celebrate my divorce - please feel free to contact me. There will, of course, be soup. And I intend to get drunk for the second time in my entire life, and maybe never ever ever again. Getting drunk takes too much work. I'd rather just roam around staring at tree trunks, and falling in love with random people on the street.

I can't think of anything to add to that, and I should really get to work transcribing my notes, anyway.

Pansy has mosaics for sale

August 8, 2005

The pictures don't do them justice - they are truly gorgeous.

Vaccines, neurotoxins, and sleep apnea

August 8, 2005

Last Saturday on Meet the Press, Tim Russert addressed the issue of the safety of vaccines. I have a lot to say on the subject...more than I have time for right now, but I just read this BBC article about sleep apnea:

They also suspect the condition strikes people suffering the late stages of neurodegenerative disorders, such as Parkinson's disease.

These people often have breathing difficulties during sleep, and the researchers believe their bodies eventually reach a point where they are unable to rouse themselves from sleep when they stop breathing.

and even though it focuses on the elderly, I can't help but wonder if this is the long-awaited researched admission that neurotoxins such as Thimerosal and Aluminum might have some bearing on SIDS.

She Said Cindy Sheehan Roundup

August 8, 2005

What She Said!: Urgent: Join Cindy Sheehan in her stand at Bush's ranch in Crawford, Texas

Cindy Sheehan, whose son Casey was killed in Iraq, is holding vigil in Crawford, Texas until she gets a meeting with George Bush. She has some simple questions to ask him: “Why did you kill my son? What did my son die for? If the cause is so noble, why don’t you send your twins?” She also has a clear demand: “Honor our sacrifices by bringing our nation's sons and daughters home from a war based on lies and deceptions.”

See the Code Pink website for more information.

Chavez says no to DEA spying.

August 8, 2005

BBC NEWS | Americas | Chavez says US drug agents spying:

"The DEA was using the fight against drug trafficking as a mask, to support drug trafficking, to carry out intelligence in Venezuela against the government," Mr Chavez said.

All Headline News - Venezuelan President Accuses DEA Of Spying - August 8, 2005:

He criticized US drug policy, saying the world's top consumer of drugs does little to lessen consumption. He also accused the CIA and FBI of minimal efforts to catch major drug kingpins in the States.

ETA:

Hmmmm...I wonder if this has anything at all to do with the preceding:

Rivarola said that the United States is keeping a particularly close eye on the tri-border area where Paraguay, Argentina and Brazil meet. The region is home to a large Arab community, which various intelligence services have identified as a source of financing and shelter for Islamic fundamentalist groups.

There has yet to be any solid proof put forward of activities of this kind in the area, which is however well-known as a hotspot for arms trafficking and the smuggling of counterfeit goods that primarily end up in Brazil.

[...]

Most significantly, this means the U.S. troops in Paraguay could not be taken before the International Criminal Court if they were accused of crimes against humanity, genocide or war crimes.

”These important developments occur in Paraguay without anyone finding out,” complained political analyst, journalist and human rights activist Alfredo Boccia Paz, who told IPS that the legislators ”approved a framework agreement with no debate and without any information on it being published in the press.”

[...]

”Once the United States arrives, it takes it a long time to leave, said (Argentine Nobel Peace laureate Adolfo) Prez Esquivel. And that really frightens me,” remarked the journalist.

Ya think?

Soup of the Week: Egyptian Bean and Vegetable

August 7, 2005

I invited Susan over to dinner tonight, and we ate Egyptian Bean and vegetable soup. It was easy to make, and very tasty.

Plus, we had special guests! My kids came home early because I guess they were feeling grumpy and homesick at dad's house. It was nice to see them again....I missed them...but it's hard to transition into mama-osity on the fly like that.

So, I basically let them play this really addictive game* while Susan and I talked, ate yummy chocolate treats (Susan brought me chocolate and a lovely red rose as a "happy divorce" present, which I thought was really sweet...she always does little thoughtful things like that) and made soup.

How was your Sunday?

*link via The Bellman, seeing as I *always* give credit where it's due (sweetheart.)

It's that Dred Scott thing all over again.

August 7, 2005

Holy fuck:

The suit was filed on behalf of Mary Scott Doe, a fictitious embryo produced by in vitro fertilization and then frozen and put into storage. Some of these embryos, which people have decided not to use in attempts to have children, have been donated for use in stem cell research, which involves destroying them.

The lawsuit claims the embryo is a person who should be given equal protection under the Constitution, and her destruction violates her right to freedom from slavery.

That's right, folks...it's the National Association for the Advancement of Preborn Children.

I think we should all send them used tampons* to help them with their little crusade. I'd say I'm sloughing off at least one "preborn child" a month. Liberate the eggs!

[thanks to Amanda for enhancing my "pissed at the idiots who think they are running the world" quotient for the day.]

*Note Chickenshit Disclaimer: I'm not sure if sending used tampons through the mail is a criminal offense. If it is, I would never advocate that you ACTUALLY do that.

This sounds hauntingly familiar...

August 7, 2005

The Liberal Retreat From Race

Thus, the liberal retreat from race was rationalized in terms of realpolitik. The argument ran like this: "America is too racist to support programs targeted specifically for blacks, especially if these involve any form of preference which is anathema to most whites. Highlighting racial issues, therefore, only serves to drive a wedge in the liberal coalition, triggering white flight from the Democratic Party, and is ultimately self-defeating." That this reasoning amounted to a capitulation to the white backlash did not phase the political "realists" since their motives were pure. Indeed, unlike the racial backlash on the Right, the liberal backlash was not based on racial animus or retrograde politics. On the contrary, these dyed-in-the-wool liberals were convinced that the best or only way to help blacks was to help "everybody." Eliminate poverty, they said, and blacks, who count disproportionately among the poor, will be the winners. Achieve full employment, and black employment troubles will be resolved. The upshot, however, was that blacks were asked to subordinate their agenda to a larger movement for liberal reform. In practical terms, this meant foregoing the black protest movement and casting their lot with the Democratic Party.

asshat.org

August 7, 2005

Asshat.

[link courtesy of Elayne]

Gratitude

August 7, 2005

Things I am grateful for today, in no particular order:

• Camper Van Beethoven
• Finding two shirts and two pairs of shorts on clearance for WAY cheap at Target
• A. New. Bra.
• Susan and our cooking date tonight.
• A boyfriend who brings me beer and watches me get drunk for the first time ever, giving me cute advice along the way, and doesn't totally make fun of me...even thought I'm a giggly, goofy mess no matter what intoxicant I choose.
• Feeling like I can finally remember the good parts about my relationship with L, even though it makes me sad.
• A check from the IRS.
• New Mexico Vacation.
• The Bitch Masculinity issue.
• Coffee.
• Sunday mornings.
• Love.
• Waking up with the lyrics to this flux song in my head:

Same children playing revolution in the park
Same old ideas stumbling about in the dark
Same two sticks together create a spark
Same people standing alone naked and stark

And I cling desperately to my last two beliefs
Firstly: I believe nothing and in nothing
Secondly: I believe everything and in everything
Together I attempt to navigate my way
all around me refuse to change
but not the world
Every expression of my love
Seems to wound

Martyrdom offers nothing
I love this world and my life upon it
I grasp the hand of happiness, whenever it is offered
More not than often
these distorted visions
Represented ideas
Having lost their tongues
They no longer speak to me.

(specifically, I was thinking about the phrasing in bold, but I thought I would type more in to give it context.)

ETA: I forgot...also, this post at Uffish. Chris, you fucking rock! I can't seem to comment on your site, but I have similar journals from my pre/pubescent years.

BYOB

August 6, 2005

I really thought System of a Down rocked on the encore SNL tonight. This is just such a cool song, and I laughed out loud when the guitar player yelled FUCK YOU!!!!! so loud, you could hear him over the censor. Ha!

It's just always nice to hear something subversive pass through to the mainstream...even thought it's fucking depressing that the fucking truth is subversive.

Why do they always send the poor?
Barbarisms by Barbara
With pointed heels
Victorious victories kneel
For brand new spanking deals
Marching forward hypocritic and hypnotic computers
You depend on our protection
Yet you feed us lies from the tablecloth

Everybody is going to the party
Have a real good time
Dancing in the desert
Blowing up the sunshine

Kneeling roses disappearing into Moses' dry mouth
Breaking into Fort Knox stealing our intentions
Hangers sitting dripped in oil
Crying freedom
Handed to obsoletion
Still you feed us lies from the tablecloth

Everybody is going to the party
Have a real good time
Dancing in the desert
Blowing up the sunshine
Everybody is going to the party
Have a real good time
Dancing in the desert
Blowing up the sunshine

Blast off, it's party time
And we don’t live in a fascist nation
Blast off, it's party time
And where the fuck are you?
Where the fuck are you?
Where the fuck are you?

Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?

Kneeling roses disappearing into Moses' dry mouth
Breaking into Fort Knox stealing our intentions
Hangers sitting dripped in oil
Crying freedom
Handed to obsoletion
Still you feed us lies from the tablecloth

Everybody is going to the party
Have a real good time
Dancing in the desert
Blowing up the sunshine
Everybody is going to the party
Have a real good time
Dancing in the desert
Blowing up the sun

Where the fuck are you?
Where the fuck are you?

Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?
They always send the poor
They always send the poor

Just say you don't want people FUCKING members of the same sex, fer crying out loud.

August 6, 2005

Jill at Feministe has an actual well-written analysis of this piece of "journalism."

All I could think when I read this part:

Transgendered is not the same as transsexual. In theory, Judeo-Christian values have no problem with a transsexual -- someone who has undergone a sex change -- if that person then behaves in ways associated with his or her new sex.

On the other hand, a transgendered individual is a person of one sex who dresses (or otherwise behaves) as a member of the other sex -- actions that directly conflict with core Judeo-Christian values.

was how I just wish he would spit out what he actually means. I mean, COME ON...who can tell me how to define behavior "associated with his or her new sex." Does he mean that post-op male to female transgendered folks need to instantly start holding tupperware parties? No. He means that they need to NOT FUCK people of the same "sex." Does he not understand that some people might want to HAVE their vulva and EAT IT, TOO?

And the refusal to use the word "gender" really hacks me off, as well.

Ignorant fuck.

[link via media girl]

How Can I Not?

August 6, 2005

I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror, and damn if I don't look 10 years younger today.

Evidently getting a divorce makes me feel like I'm in junior high again. I called J around quitting time and asked him "When do you get off"

And then I tittered.

And as if that wasn't enough, I laughed out loud after asking "Do you want to eat something?"

Ah, it was a good night. At one point I tripped on the lip of a sidewalk or something and I laughed at myself so hard, I cried. J asked if I was laughing because it was funny, or if I was laughing to avoid embarrassment. I could honestly say that I was laughing at myself because it was really fucking funny. I mean, I went FLYING. Somehow I managed to stay on my feet, but I was all arms flailing, heart dropping FLYING. It must have looked so incredibly fucking dorky that I couldn't help but laugh. And it made me feel better about all of those times I have inadvertantly (and probably rudely) laughed at other people's similar foibles. People are funny in their awkward bodies. It's funny. Sex is funny. Life is really fucking funny. Being behind on my mortgage? That's actually kind of funny, too.

For some reason, lately I keep thinking about my dear old high school best-friend/soulmate/unrequited lover Matt. I remember his kindness. His unexpected affection towards me. He had this huge love that I never felt like I deserved, but he kept giving it and giving it anyway. And I never understood it. I didn't understand love as an abiding spiritual practice. Matt was 16, and he understood all of that. I just sort of sat there, half allowing myself to bask in it, thinking "I know this will make sense to me later in life, so I'm going to remember it, but I truly, truly do not understand it." Like a real-life form of foreshadowing.

When Matt moved away, I questioned whether he ever existed at all. I remember long letters and occasional romping visits. And, most of all, I remember his response to my angst about what it all meant, what his place was in my life.

He said "Of course I love you, Lainie. How can I not?"

And that was it.

And that's how I feel about the world today. This very minute. Right now.

Ye Olde Tyme Music Meme

August 6, 2005

David was kind enough to gather links to all of the responses to the music meme (that I know of) here.

Because he rocks, you see.

Thanks, David!

Scripture of the Golden Eternity

August 5, 2005

I frequently return to this...and I returned to it today...The Scripture of the Golden Eternity by Jack Kerouac

57

Perfectly selfless, the beauty of it, the butterfly doesnt take it as a personal achievement, he just disappears through the trees. You too, kind and humble and not-even-here, it wasnt in a greedy mood that you saw the light that belongs to everybody.

58

Look at your little finger, the emptiness of it is no different that the emptiness of infinity.

59

Cats yawn because they realize that there's nothing to do.

Processing the Day

August 5, 2005

My attorney just called to "check up on me." I have to give mad props to the guy. He has been an absolute sweetheart through this whole ordeal and whenever I ask him how on earth I am ever going to repay him, he tells me that I should just "go on and have a good life."

So I baked him a cake and am committing to bringing him soup at least once a month until he absolutely refuses to accept my offerings.

I am feeling amazingly good about life right now. I cried all the way home from the courthouse, but it was more of a cry of pent-up frustration and relief than anything else. I deposited a check, and promptly opened a savings account for Monk, and then I went and got myself a bagel. The guy who fixed my coffee called me "dear" and smiled at me so sweetly. It's as if, lately, people can SEE that I'm fragile and/or all lovesick in love with the world. I'm getting a lot of gentleness from everyone I encounter & it's nice. It's nice to walk around open-hearted and not feel any sting. It's nice to see the beauty in people and find ways to express it and not be met with defensive dodges. It's nice to smile at people as if my heart is bleeding through my teeth...and see a sparkle-eyed return volley. It's nice to meet people's eyes and not look away or be looked away from.

Yesterday, Pansy and I were talking about goodness. Kindness. And I was talking to her about people who have, on occasion, seeped into my life and have taken advantage of my kindness. I don't want to make it sound like I'm a totally saintly person. In fact, I can be a huge pain in the ass to be around much of the time, but (like many people I know) I do have a tendency towards being kind and accommodating to a fault. Pansy was pointing out that I need to maintain kindness for MYSELF. And I laughed at her wisdom: Kindness as a selfish act. But it's true. And that totally doesn't mean that I can't or shouldn't act in my own best interest, even if that means being a big old meanie...but it does mean that I should not compromise my basic ethics just because someone else chooses to be an asshole.

Today was good. Today was a compromise for me. And that's OK. Today I was accommodating. And that's OK, too. Today was the last day I will ever ever ever have to compromise for or accommodate this person. And that feels pretty damn Good. Incredibly Damn Good.

In fact, it feels pretty incredibly SELFISHLY damn good.

What an Awesome Blog

August 5, 2005

I just got an email from the author of this blog:muse and fury. She wanted to comment on a couple of my posts, but found that comments are down (yes...and shall remain so for I don't even know how long.)

Here's what she had to say:

This is a rich topic for me too. I just finished 5 years of divorce hell and finally it's over. I don't celebrate the death of the marriage as much as celebrating that the many years of legal hell are over. About the absence of choice: this issue is Huge - good call. Really what choice do we have at any stage of the game?

I'll be back.

Best wish, congrats, and good luck with the rest of your life.

Thanks, C. You have a really great blog, and I appreciate the kind words. Please do come back.

It's Over. Or, how to "win" a divorce.

August 5, 2005

A month or so ago, in the throes of all of this trauma and conflict, L told me that "I wasn't going to get what I wanted," and insisted that I needed to face that.

I remember looking at him oddly, and saying "You have no idea what I want." And thinking "And you never have."

All I have wanted this whole time is for this to be OVER. And now I have EXACTLY what I want.

I'm sure I have more to say on this subject, but I will say it later. Maybe in a few days, maybe in a few weeks...maybe I'll make you buy my memoir.

Thanks to everyone for all of the support throughout this entire process.

Less than 12 hours, and counting...

August 4, 2005

...until the end of my marriage. Any last minute pep talks, well wishes, and whatever else you got would be greatly greatly tremendously appreciated...email me or try to catch me on aim (lgbdozer).

I feel like I'm approaching the finish line of a freaking marathon.

Choice BEGINS at conception

August 4, 2005

I've been thinking a lot about all of the discussions around abortion and choice, with a healthy dose of my current Life Situation, and The Event That Shall Not Be Named that occurs tomorrow. (Um, that would be my divorce. Don't ask why it can't be named...I just felt like being spooky and mysterious for a minute there.) And I got to thinking about the politics of choice, and how it affects us...affects all of us...differently and at different points in our life.

Certainly, as a pro-choice feminist, I believe that women have the right to choose whether or not they would like to carry a pregnancy to term. Even more obvious is the fact that women have the right to choose whether or not pregnancy begins. And still more rudimentary is that a woman (any individual, really) has the right to choose whether intercourse actually happens in the first place.

But the reality is that choice BEGINS there. In our society, once the choice has been made to conceive and carry a child to term, women's choices diminish rapidly. Or at least become more superficial, and are far more difficult (or impossible) to legislate. For instance, a woman CAN choose to give her child up for adoption, but what kind of a choice is that, really, for most women who have spent 9 months nurturing a growing being in her body - with all of the emotional and/or hormonal attachments that are complicit in that relationship?

Once the choice is made to keep the child, our choices as women become more subtly dictated by the way the media and society at large portrays and judges our behavior and our relative success as parents. In hyperbolic terms, certainly there is a stigma around "deadbeat dads", but it's nowhere near the unspeakable horror of a mom who runs off and leaves a child with its father. But more commonly what the media does is blame the mother for anything bad that happens to children without mentioning the other parent who should be there as backup and is generally mysteriously absent from blame.

The divorce process seems to compound this bias. MRA's will have you believe that assumed maternal custody is unfair to men, without even addressing the ridiculousness of quantifying "financial support" from the non-custodial (typically male) parent as a fixed percentage of income. Men who think that paying a female primary custodian of his children 25% of his salary every month is somehow a raw deal need to consider that taking care of children is never a fixed percentage of the custodial parent's income. Not that I would trade their presence in my life for all of the financial compensation in the world, but I only WISH I could PLAN on only spending a percentage (and a really fucking low percentage, at that...I'm sure with all things considered I spend about 60-75% of my income on child-related expenses.)

Not only that, but the non-custodial (generally male) parent in this situation still has more choice than the custodial female. He can, for instance, leave. He can choose to stop paying (and I have discovered through, erm, my research, that it is ridiculously easy for a man to choose to Just. Not. Pay. And then attempt to force the other parent to subsidize his non-payment later, through other means.) Or he can simply use the power of these choices as an implied threat over the custodial (usually female) parent to keep her in line before, during, and after the divorce. If she ever gets up the nerve to go through with a divorce in the end, anyway*.

And there are so many other nominal choices that are put forth as if they are options for all women, but are really only available to the wealthy or those of us who are fortunate enough to have supportive communities to help us facilitate choice. These choices include, but are not limited to: breast or bottle, stay at home/work at home/work outside the home, public/private/home education...etc...

It's not necessarily women's biology that causes these choices to hold so much sway, but it's our entire social structure. You can pass all of the legislation you want to keep abortion safe and legal, but for women who choose to bring a pregnancy to term, that choice is only the beginning. Isolated, as we are, in our family units, we frequently end up having to make sacrifices in the name of our choice. Sacrifices which would be unnecessary under a system that offered real choice.

*This is such a rich topic for me, I need to come back to it later. Suffice to say that the process of divorcing my husband has caused me to feel very real fear for women who are in a position of financial and/or emotional and/or parental (as in, in need of another parent to help with childcare) dependence on their husbands.

This one is for the Badge...

August 4, 2005

Here ya go, ma'am.

Choices...choices...

August 4, 2005

So much to be disturbed by, so little time.

Robert Barks, I Bite.

August 4, 2005

Er, wait. That doesn't sound right AT ALL. Hahaha. Oh, I love having a good midmorning laugh at my own expense.

Anyway, Mr. Arjet has a thing or two to teach you about rape, guns, and intolerable threats.

I figured that there are two kinds of threats that we face--the tolerable and the intolerable. The tolerable we know about, but we just don't worry about it. Heart disease? Eh. Cancer? Whatever. Drug crazed (racially coded) gangsters? Holy Shit! Where's my Mossberg!?

It's the intolerable threats that keep us awake at night. Do I ever wake up worried that my kid's slipped into a swimming pool and drowned? No, although that's the second-most likely way for them to die. Do I ever have the sweats because I dreamed some stranger stuffed my kid into a car and drove away? Oooh, yeah. That's why thousands of kids can go without the health care that could save their lives and we could nationally give less of a fuck, but when one single kid gets nabbed by a stranger, it's headline news for weeks.

Are you taking notes? Because there WILL be a quiz.

Patriotboy is so...Manly.

August 4, 2005

This open letter to Bill O'Reilly made me wonder how much this has to do with this.

"Family Values"

August 4, 2005

ECHIDNE OF THE SNAKES

The lone cowboy myth is especially warped when it is applied to families with small children. But it serves its purpose by letting some pretend that their unwillingness to spend money on families is ethically justified.

I wish the liberals and progressives spoke up more about these false family values of the right. I wish they pointed out how our public places are not designed for families, how our jobs are hostile to parents and how the gradual fraying of all safety nets endangers families with children.

Monk on Crime, morality, and attachments.

August 3, 2005

Monk and I had an interesting conversation today about crime. Monk started the discussion by telling me that he "knew" why people become thieves. "It's because they are too poor to buy things, so they have to steal them."

This sparked a debate between us about morality and thievery and visible vs. invisible crime. I felt like I had to explain to Monk that, although most of the people who are actually convicted of theft are people who are poor, poor people are not necessarily the only people who commit crimes - nor is it true that you are more likely to commit a crime because you are poor.

We talked a bit about drug habits, and how some people who are addicted to drugs and cannot afford to buy the drugs that their bodies need to stave off the pain that comes from withdrawal also commit crimes.

And we talked about Enron and corporate criminals, as well as very basically touching on imperialism and the crimes that have been and are committed in the name of expansion of domain.

Monk is of the opinion that it's not wrong to steal food if you are hungry. I don't know that I can argue against that. In fact, I'm fairly sure I can't. And in determining his moral ethic, we also spent some time talking about how he would feel if someone stole something from him, which led to another discussion about attachments and Buddhism and death and reincarnation and all manner of things.

I think it was in the discussion about attachments (and how suffering frequently arises from change, because we can be attached to situations as much as we are attached to "things"...(and this line of discussion led us to postulate whether life, itself is a "thing")) that Monk decided that breathing was the only thing that was OK to get attached to, because breathing is the only constant in your life...except when you are underwater. I thought this was an amazingly astute observation, and explained to Monk that, in fact, many spiritual rituals revolve around the breath...and perhaps this is why.

It's been an interesting month or so in Monk's development. He has withdrawn a bit from his strictly intellectual pursuits. He balks at doing writing and math more than he used to. However, he seems totally interested in developing a moral/spiritual code of some sort. Today he asked me "What we are" religion-wise. I told him that I'm not anything. That I have beliefs, and that I practice rituals that are not really within the realm of any one specific religious faith...but that I would be happy to facilitate whatever spiritual journey he should want to embark upon. He seemed to accept this answer, but wanted a NAME for his belief system. So, he decided to call it d-lism (his last name, which is a combination of mine and his father's last names).

Sometimes I just look at him, and I think "What on earth is this wise, old, painfully sensitive man doing in the body of this 8-year old boy?" And I am so, so glad for his presence in my life, and for the all the time we are able to spend together having these kinds of conversations.

Anarchism: What it really stands for.

August 3, 2005

Emma Goldman: Anarchism: What it really stands for | The Progressive Blog Alliance HQ

But what about human nature? Can it be changed? And if not, will it endure under Anarchism?

Poor human nature, what horrible crimes have been committed in thy name! Every fool, from king to policeman, from the flatheaded parson to the visionless dabbler in science, presumes to speak authoritatively of human nature. The greater the mental charlatan, the more definite his insistence on the wickedness and weaknesses of human nature. Yet, how can any one speak of it today, with every soul in a prison, with every heart fettered, wounded, and maimed?

John Burroughs has stated that experimental study of animals in captivity is absolutely useless. Their character, their habits, their appetites undergo a complete transformation when torn from their soil in field and forest. With human nature caged in a narrow space, whipped daily into submission, how can we speak of its potentialities?

Freedom, expansion, opportunity, and, above all, peace and repose, alone can teach us the real dominant factors of human nature and all its wonderful possibilities.

Anarchism, then, really stands for the liberation of the human mind from the dominion of religion; the liberation of the human body from the dominion of property; liberation from the shackles and restraint of government. Anarchism stands for a social order based on the free grouping of individuals for the purpose of producing real social wealth; an order that will guarantee to every human being free access to the earth and full enjoyment of the necessities of life, according to individual desires, tastes, and inclinations.

My favorite google hit of all time.

August 3, 2005

it's capitalism stupid.

Cole's first blog*

August 3, 2005

The Sahmbo Galahmbo
by Cole

Hickory Dickory Dock
The clock ran up the mouse
The mouse struck one
The mouse struck two!

Hickory Dickory Dock
The clock ran down the mouse
The mouse ran up the clock
Isn't this a funny one?

*Coley, age 4, wants to start his own blog now.

His analysis of this poem:

"The clock ran up the mouse part was funny, but the clock ran down the mouse part wasn't funny at all. But the funny part was REALLY LONG!"

This Is For J.

August 3, 2005

I am re-reading old posts on artery...and I ran across one that I need to read over and over again in the coming days, and perhaps J should, as well.

Artery: Cauter-eyes?

Two rats find each other swimming from sinking ship, er somethin. Only I'm still struggling against the current it seems. that damn undertow is a bitch, you know? You'd think I'd learn but no not me I just rush in all my tentacles flailing at the nearest passerby too quick to believe and too slow on the uptake & before I realize here I am...

where the fuck was I?

Oh, yeah. bodies and dead people and stuff. "and the corpse had numerous tattoos" I think is what she wrote. Do the dead know what time it is? Do you see them still when you close your eyes like my disembodied voice ringing in yr ears?

Somehow forgiveness feels like the tiniest pinpoint of light in this otherwise inkblot existence. No. What we need is floodlight fecund fanaticism. I'm talking larger than life. I'm talking absolute sheer and utter giddy eternal greeting opensoul unremorse gladitude. Unbroken uncontrolled expansiveness of one into the other and over and over roiling grinning spinning spitting gloriousness of it all.

Do you hear me? Because life is as permanent as it gets. Nothing in front of us, nothing behind. Just vast seas of neverending yawning backbreaking heartwrenching joy in all directions.

'Zat enough freedom for you, my brimming little vessel? Er do I have to clip that damn tie w/scissors to set you free/make you see.

(emphasis added...for, er, emphasis.)

Robert Arjet responds.

August 3, 2005

See, this is what I miss about comments. I am always posting half-assed little volleys like this, and more thorough people are able to respond intelligently:

Jeezus God in Heaven, I only wish Pataki were missing the point. He's an intelligent man--he runs the state of New York, ferpeetsake. What Pataki is doing here is a calculated political move. We're talking about a man who is contemplating a run for president in 2008. He's already made his first moves in that direction, so he knows that all the pundits are going to be watching him in that context.

Thanks, Robert.

Priceless.

August 3, 2005

Redneck Mother: Asked and answered

he asked the thorniest question of all as they drove past the adult superstore on the interstate:

"Daddy, what does 'X-X-X' mean?"

Visualize World Peace

August 3, 2005

Frog March July 4th Fantasy - News From Babylon

[link via my dear friend r@d@r]

My brain is reverberating: "Friday Friday Friday"

August 3, 2005

You know, like those monster truck rally announcements?

I'm trying to psyche myself up. I know in the past I have experienced a great deal of let-down after (all of) these (seemingly millions of) court dates, and I'm determined to prepare myself better this time. In the past, I think I have overestimated how "different" I would feel at the end. I've also underestimated the amount of mourning I would feel at these encounters. I have some time set aside today and tomorrow to sit and write and visualize the end of things. I will probably do a bit of crying, as well. And I have all weekend to treat myself gently, be with friends, be by myself, be productive. Or just be.

I should make a list now of things I can do to pamper myself that aren't terribly expensive, because I know I'm not going to be able to think of anything in the aftermath:

• go swimming
• take long walks with my sweet puppy dog
• paint
• turn off all of the lights in the house, turn the music up loud, and dance.
• have lots and lots of sex
• read
• write
• hang out at a coffee shop and people watch
• hang out with susan...or pansy...or k8...or have a girl party (although...I like to plan my parties, so that might be NEXT weekend.)
• write love notes to the kiddos (I did this last weekend, but I haven't sent them yet)
• walk around smiling at people and saying "hi"
• take my own challenge
• sit down, light some candles, and write some actual letters
• make a zine
• plan
• make flyers for the room for rent and hang them up at cool places around the city. (my last housemate answered an ad I hung up at Wheatsville)
• mow my lawn
• clean out my garage
• (no, those are not masturbation euphamisms)
• (but, now that you mention it, more more more sex)
• scrub the kitchen floor
• work on the sites: DIY Goddesses, Radical Homeschool, and RedHeadDread's site if it's still broken
• write more for Artery. Get back in the Artery habit & stop being so freaking self-conscious about writing stream-of-(sub)conscious stuff.
• do art. maybe reward myself with some new chalk pastels.
• ...(any suggestions?)
  Posted at 8:10 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  I have a challenge for you.

  August 3, 2005

  Marginally inspired by this post, a few comments on which made me think of this Crass lyric: "They sell us love as divinity, when it's only a social obscenity. Underneath we're all lovable." My challenge is this...as you go about your day/week/month, look at/listen to strangers that you pass on the street, ride the train with, see in restaurants, talk on the phone with, etc. and try to imagine how they might be lovable.

  That is, if you don't already do this.

  Try it. It's truly very fun.

  Posted at 12:53 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Free Speech or Hate Crime?

  August 3, 2005

  I hate to give them any validity, and there is no way I'm posting a link, but this is utter bullshit.

  Posted at 12:33 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  The kids have a new favorite song.

  August 3, 2005

  I had four of them (and me) singing at the top of their (our) lungs. Windows down:

  The Decemberists - The Legionnaire's Lament Lyrics

  I'm a legionnaire
  Camel in disrepair
  Hoping for a frigidaire to come passing by
  I am on reprieve
  Lacking my joie de vivre
  Missing my gay paris
  In this desert dry

  And I wrote my girl
  Told her I would not return
  Terribly taken a turn
  For the worse now I fear

  It's been a year or more
  Since they shipped me to this foreign shore
  Fighting in a foreign war
  So far away from my home

  If only summer rain would fall
  On the houses and the boulevards
  And the side walk bagatelles it's like a dream
  With the roar of cars
  And the lulling of the cafe bars,
  The sweetly sleeping sweeping of the Seine.
  Lord I don't know if I'll ever be back again.

  La la la la dam
  La la la low

  Medicating in the sun
  Pinched doses of laudanum
  Longing for the old fecundity of my homeland
  Curses to this mirage!
  A bottle of ancient Chiraz
  A smattering of distant applause
  Is ringing in my poor ears

  On the old left bank
  My baby in a charabanc
  Riding up the width and length
  Of the Champs Elysees

  If only summer rain would fall
  On the houses and the boulevard
  And the side walk bagatelles it's like a dream
  With the roar of cars
  And the lulling of the cafe bars
  The sweetly sleeping sweeping of the Seine
  Lord I don't know if I'll ever be back again

  If only summer rain would fall
  On the houses and the boulevard
  And the side walk bagatelles its like a dream
  With the roar of cars
  And the lulling of the cafe bars
  The sweetly sleeping sweeping of the Seine
  Lord I don't know if I'll ever be back again...

  Be back again,
  Be back again,
  I'll be back again

  When Monk first asked me about the lyrics of this song, I reinterpreted the first few lines as:

  I'm a soldier in the desert. My camel is dead or dying, and I'm really freaking hot.

  I asked him, why didn't they just write that?

  He said "Because that would be a really lousy song."

  I think I can write a unit study on poetry using The Decemberists' lyrics. The kids like them more than they like They Might Be Giants. I'm just sort of hoping they never get around to asking me what laudanum is.

  Posted at 12:09 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Giving J Some Credit.

  August 2, 2005

  I feel like I need to say a few things in J's defense today, after all of these posts about depression and whatnot. For one thing, I am fairly certain he reads this blog, and I have to give him props for never getting bent out of shape or defensive about what I write here. When we first started dating, I gave him the standard disclaimer that my life is frequently publicized to a handful of people on the internet...which he pretty much already knew since he re-found me through my blog, as many people from my past seem to do. I was granted permission to write whatever, and I have my own personal ethic of blogging that I feel is fair, which is that I try to write only about MY experiences or MY interpretations of others' experiences. I think I've stuck with that fairly well.

  But it still can't be easy to be the partner of someone who finds it necessary to spout off about personal shit on a blog to whomever will listen. And I laughed to myself today, remembering spmething an old friend of mine once said to me about this very topic. We were interviewing him for an audiozine I was doing, and I told him that I always wanted to marry him just so I could have his last name (which is a cool Italian name that just rolls off of the tongue). He responded "I could never marry you, Drucilla, because if we broke up, you would write books and books of poetry about me."

  I am thankful that I had the good humor to laugh about it then (it was so very true...I was actually about to publish, or maybe had just published, a book of poetry about an ex-boyfriend) and I still laugh about it today, even though I don't really write much poetry anymore. Some, but not much. Maybe not enough.

  And I guess I can laugh about my little "spouting off" habit now. I think it is so very funny that anyone finds this little blog interesting. I mean, it's delightful to me, because in real life I have a tendency towards shyness, and at the same time I'm sort of an attention whore, but...sometimes I read back over old posts and I'm like "Did I say that out loud?" (and, tangentially speaking, I find it embarrassing/amusing to see my posts on the anarchoblogs aggregate all juxtaposed with a gazillion far less self-absorbed missives)

  So, yeah. It does sort of take a special kind of character to get mixed up with the likes of me in the first place...and then to have to read my interpretation of events without being given the benefit of responding (because that would sort of be like scribbling notes in the margins of someone's private journal) must be at least somewhat trying at times. At least. I appreciate that a great deal, and J deserves a lot of credit for understanding what I'm about enough to allow me to do the things that I do.

  Posted at 11:23 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Wisdom Out of Context

  August 2, 2005

  I just overheard this little bit of conversation while the boys were inventing a game to play based on the video games they are into:

  "You be Fate, because you are the master of that...and I'll be Diablo!"

  Posted at 1:36 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Unschooling College

  August 2, 2005

  I really need to start posting links like this on the radical homeschooling blog, but I'm not ready to do the fix-up work there yet.

  Besides, I don't necessarily want to totally segregate this kind of information.

  Posted at 9:01 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Recipe Emergency

  August 2, 2005

  Lauren of Feministe is looking for some suggestions for kid-friendly, easy recipes. For some reason, the recipe blog is currently not accessible, so if anyone has any suggestions, mosey on over and drop them in her comments.

  Posted at 8:58 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Living On Less - An Illustrated Guide

  August 2, 2005

  I love these drawings by asfo_del & I hope she posts more.

  UPDATE: Fixed the first link, thanks to an email from the woman herself!

  Posted at 8:41 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Mr. Pataki....I think you are missing the point here.

  August 2, 2005

  Governor Pataki's Veto - New York Times

  Mr. Pataki says that he supports the idea of easing access to the medication - the so-called morning-after pill - but that he objects to particular details of the bill, especially the absence of provisions that would prevent young women under 16 from having access to the drug.

  You idiot.

  Let me say it SLOWLY. They have already had SEX, and you still don't want them to have access to birth control. I can ALMOST wrap my head around the "birth control pills cause teens to have sex" argument (I said "almost") but...um...this? This just makes my head spontaneously combust.

  [link via p6.]

  Posted at 8:27 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Moral Harassment

  August 2, 2005

  I can totally relate to the words of Ruby BIRD today:

  Women complain often that the man do not get angry but stay calm, a freezing calm or return the situation by taking the victim’s place.

  Friday. This Friday. Is the divorce. We have one remaining issue to resolve, and it will be O.V.E.R.

  Perhaps I am making lemonade out of way overly ripe to the point of rotten lemons here, but in a way it's good that it has taken this long to get here. I've reached a point where I no longer need anyone else to recognize and believe that the behavior of my ex was/is abusive. I recognize it. That's all that matters to me.

  Posted at 8:18 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Only David Brancaccio.

  August 1, 2005

  NOW. Transcript. July 29, 2005 | PBS

  JEANNE GAWDUN: Having a number of children, every year at their schools I have to sign a form that says you know I either give permission for Tylenol or to go on a field trip or whatever. And I would be charged with neglect of a child if my child broke an arm and I failed to go to the hospital and have that arm set or you know any number of different things.

  But all of a sudden when it comes to their reproductive organs, it's off limits. And I don't have anything to say about it. I'm there for all those years, but like I say, when it comes to the reproductive organs, I-- I-- it's none of my business. And that to me is frustrating.

  DAVID BRANCACCIO: But here's the wrinkle, of course, right? Which is, if the goal, and a-- I don't think this is at all divisive anywhere in America, if the goal is to reduce abortions among these very young girls, if they know that the state or that child services is gonna be alerted if they go into contraception, then they might not go in for contraception, but still have sex, and you end up with more abortions. That's, I think, the worry.

  JEANNE GAWDUN: Or they may not have sex.

  FEMALE VOICE: Imagine that.

  DAVID BRANCACCIO: I mean, well, you can pray they don't have sex.

  JEANNE GAWDUN: You know, well, this is-- they-- they may not.
  

  Only David Brancaccio can say something like that and NOT get slapped.

  It's on account of he's so dreamy.

  Attorney General Kline, on the other hand:

  ATTORNEY GENERAL KLINE: I do not need to the women's names. I don't have to have names that are attached to the record. The court is going to review that with the doctor and a guardian ad linum (PH) for the children, and then produce those records to us. And they're never in the public eye.

  BRANCACCIO: Planned Parenthood so far has refused to turn the records over. The group did offer to give the attorney general all the records he's asked for with all private information stripped out. But no deal.

  And if this is about child rape, some in Kansas wonder why Kline seems to be focusing his investigation on abortion clinics.

  DAVID BRANCACCIO: But if you're worried about the issue of kids being raped and exploitation of kids, why not also seek medical records about very young 12 and 13-year-old kids who've had babies but haven't had abortions, and go after those medical records? Why were they pregnant in those cases?

  ATTORNEY GENERAL KLINE: You assume we haven't.

  DAVID BRANCACCIO: Well, have you done that?

  ATTORNEY GENERAL KLINE: Yes. Certainly, we look at all instances of child exploitation.

  BRANCACCIO: NOW canvassed hospitals near Planned Parenthood's headquarters - none reported receiving subpoenas for medical records.
  

  Not so dreamy.

  Seriously, though. Having been pro-choice ever since I can remember, I guess I've been able to distance myself a bit from the debate subconsciously. But when I see reporting like last week's NOW, it's jarring. It's jarring because it's so freaking obvious that this debate has about as much to do with "life" as it has to do with "statutory rape." Instead, what it is is a dying patriarchy's last stab at utterly oppressing women.

  DAVID BRANCACCIO: Are your efforts really an effort against abortion?

  ATTORNEY GENERAL KLINE: We can debate one another's motivations forever and a day and try to disclaim or contradict.

  DAVID BRANCACCIO: Well, I'll take you at your word. What are your motivations?

  ATTORNEY GENERAL KLINE: My motivation is to enforce the law. And the law in Kansas says that when you have a ten-year-old who is pregnant, the child has been raped.

  BRANCACCIO: It's the Attorney General's repeated reference to l0 year olds that makes Peter Brownlie of Planned Parenthood wonder about what's really going on here.

  PETER BROWNLIE: The vast majority of the records that have been subpoenaed are of adult women. A very small percentage is minor women. None of the records subpoenaed from our organization are for women who are children who are ten, eleven or twelve or thirteen.

  BRANCACCIO: In September, the Kansas Supreme Court will decide whether Kline gets the private records from abortion clinics. We'll keep you posted.
  

  Please do.

  Posted at 11:41 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  25 More Reasons. *New* With *Waffle Stix*

  August 1, 2005

  Chris from Uffish Thoughts emailed this gem to me:

  No, until our society can stop the violence, pay teachers what they deserve, fund superior classroom technology, get past the arguments about religion, tailor education to individual children, abolish the bureaucracy and define "Waffle Stix," I'd just as soon do this myself.

  Thanks, Chris!

  Posted at 10:52 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Relationship Rambling, Part Two

  August 1, 2005

  I got some interesting and enlightening responses to my earlier relationship rambling post. One of my favorite readers made the very cogent point that I don't necessarily tend to attract/be attracted to depressive people because of my relationship with my father. Rather, maybe it's because depressed/depressive people are actually interesting to me. I like that point, because I don't like to believe that who I am is dictated COMPLETELY by what I've experienced in the past. And I agree that I frequently find depressive people somewhat interesting. And, quite honestly, I am frequently suspicious of people who are overly exuberant.

  I also need to clarify that I understand I was being somewhat trite in that post, and perhaps came across as more than a little mercenary in my very utilitarian approach to the issues I face in relationships both past and current. I hate to make J sound like a case study. He is way more to me that a depressive person, and it's not like he mopes around and is a pain in the ass. Quite the contrary. I have all sorts of fun hanging out with J, but his depression does cause some fairly serious issues in our relationship. At the same time, though, my relationship with J has been very liberating in that at least now I know that I can be in a relationship with someone who is depressed and not expect to be abused to the extent that I feel I was abused in my marriage. So, in that context, perhaps my relationship with J is exactly what I need right now.

  I should also state that it's not like I have never known depression. I spent most of my high school years crying my eyes out and feeling really fucking lost and alone. And I stumbled around in a grey haze for much of the late 80's, a period which culminated in the deaths of two close friends of mine. I actually think L (my soon-to-be ex-husband) was instrumental in helping me overcome much of that depression, but I was unwittingly hurled back into the pits of despair by the rotten birth experience I had with Monk, and the ensuing fallout from L, which was fed...in a very distinct and cyclical pattern, by my trauma until there was no telling where one's cycle ended and the other began.

  So, yeah.

  My problem isn't necessarily with the people who are depressed, but with the difficulty I have of enjoying an intimate relationship with depressive people without ultimately feeling stifled or chained or dragged down, as well. And it's difficult for me to distinguish where the line is between being loving/supportive in a healthy way and being self-sacrificing in an unhealthy way. And that some of the depressive people I have known. Most of them. Won't draw that line for me. It's up to me to not only declare and defend my boundaries, but to constantly beware of infringement and do all of the pointing out and discussion about it. It's up to me to do all of the emotional work. Because, hey, of course! The other person is depressed or mentally ill, and therefore they are unable to recognize when work needs to be done. And after awhile, that starts to seem like more of a comfortable excuse for the other person to just not do the work rather than a valid side effect of whatever mental anguish or illness they are suffering from.

  It's hard for me to write this, in some respects, because I have some very close relationships and some very respectful but not close relationships with a number of people who struggle with mental illness, and I don't want to heap shit on them. At the same time, I think it's valid and important for those of us who love people who have these struggles to have a voice. When I was in the midst of the relationship with L, I kept reading about how spouses and family members of people who suffer from PTSD often themselves become traumatized. I scoffed at it. I thought "Since I have a name for what is happening, and since I am an intelligent person, I will not be effected by this." I even remember saying to myself "I know his behavior is abusive, but since I am aware of it, I can choose to not let it damage me." Wow. Was that ever a load of horse shit!

  So, I was thankful to hear from some people that maybe it's not just me...maybe it IS the way the other person handles their depression. I heard from one person who IS depressive, and another person who is much like me and has a depressed partner. From their words, I gathered that there is hope that I don't have to isolate myself entirely from people who have issues with depression, but that perhaps I need to be more assertive in my expectations of how that depression is managed...as well as expecting that my assertions be HEARD and validated.

  So, thank you to those who responded. I appreciate the feedback, as always...and I hope the processing of this can be helpful to others, as well.

  Posted at 10:09 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  DIY Goddesses

  August 1, 2005

  I've just written the first post on the not-yet-launched-but-I-really-can't-wait-to-launch-it new site.

  Enjoy, and please please please leave a comment there if you stop by. I totally miss comments. Must. Interact. With. Imaginary. Friends.

  Posted at 9:46 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

  Ahhh, Monk.

  August 1, 2005

  Monk just came marching into the house, home from his weekend with his papa, and exclaimed:

  "We're home! You can stop DREAMING about us now!"

  And thus beginneth my week.

  Posted at 7:46 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

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