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« August 2005 | Main | October 2005 »

The Consumerist Field Trip

September 30, 2005

Perhaps I'm applying depth to an otherwise shallow endeavor, but today's field trip started to seem more and more like a learning experience the longer we were out and about.

Well, OK, maybe not...but how cool is it that my son spent the day at a record store when most kids his age are in school?

bahahahhaha.

But, seriously...I think we're going to make a habit of this kind of inconvenient spending field trip. Not a necessity? Don't drive to get it. It took us at least an hour to get to the record store, and at least an hour and a half to get back. We actually had to go to two record stores to find Picaresque (although Waterloo had the vinyl version, and I was sorely tempted to shell out the dough for it, but...well I really don't have enough idle cash to start being a record collector.) Granted, we spent money on lunch, but we also spent a great deal of time walking around our fair city and talking about stuff. Coley actually walked the entire time without complaining, which is a miracle...

...and by the same miracle, he didn't plunge to a bloody death when he decided to crawl under a barrier and stand on the edge of a bridge that hangs 20-30 feet over a drainage ditch. Monk and I were walking hand in hand, and I turned around to the shock of NO COLEY. Of course, I did the absolute worst thing you are supposed to do when you realize that it's very possible that the barrier that is meant to keep people from plunging to their bloody death has only served as a delightful challenge to your barrier-busting 4-year old - I screamed. Yeah, that's great, lady! I'm really awesome around tightrope walkers, too.

Thankfully, Coley emerged unscathed and I instantly snatched him up in my arms. He was on the verge of tears anyway - sensing my distress. So I just held him close to me and explained to him, yet again, what barriers are for, and why they need to be acknowledged, respected and obeyed. Later, when I told this story to a horrified Pansy, she had the wisdom to point out that it was horribly illustrative of the way Coley seems oblivious to any sort of boundaries - physical and otherwise - and in fact I had spent most of the bus ride downtown attempting to get him to respect my personal boundaries with regard to not being leaned on and pinched (for those new to the world of Coley, he has a totally annoying habit of pinching on my upper arms that has driven me crazy since he was old enough to pinch and I was awake enough to be driven crazy by it). It's as if Coley exists to defy boundaries, which I'm sure will serve an important function in his life if we can teach him to use his power for good and not (scare and/or annoy mama to death) evil. After that ordeal was over and my heart started beating regularly, I bent down and made sure Coley understood that what he was getting from me was not anger but fear - and how very real the danger was. His little eyes brimmed with tears, and he quavered "I'm sorry, mama." and I said sternly, but gently "Look - don't be sorry...be safe! I love you." Monk responded to the situation by saying "You are SO not getting any lemonade now, Coley" in that sort of taunting exasperated tone that older brothers get when they are trying to disguise that they were a little freaked out, too. Later in the day we encountered a similar bridge with a similar barrier and we talked again about what the barriers were for, and why we don't explore the other side of them. I am really hoping he got the message this time. I mean, the kid is almost five, and he has been running up to the edges of things and scaring the piss out of me ever since he learned to walk. I used to be afraid that I was being overly fearful, but...no. I think he's just under-cautious. Truly. There's a little switch in there that hasn't been flipped, and I'm really worried that it won't GET flipped until he actually hurts himself.

(Of course, part of me is remembering the conversation about "bad parents" from last week and thinking defiantly "Fuck them. Fuck them all. They have no fucking clue what it is like to parent a child like Coley. None.")

In the end, we all survived. We got the CD and all in all we walked about 2 miles or so to and from buses. The kids had a grand old time running up and down the hill at whatever the fuck that park is by the library and across the street from the court house. We got to actually talk to people in the process of commuting and being out and about. Cars are such sterile little capsules. I really wish I had more time to avoid them. And Coley fell fast asleep on the bus on the way home, so we were spared his shenanigans for a scant 30 minutes or so.

When we got home, we listened to Picaresque about a hundred thousand times, Monk did some math and had some computer time, and by the time Steven came to get the kids, we were all quite happily sick to death of each other.

& Believe it or not, I think I'm actually sick of The Decemberists, too.

Or maybe I just need some sleep. Maybe that's it.

How slow am I?

September 30, 2005

This afternoon while I was distracted with something stupid, Coley came up to me and said "Mom, it says on your chore chart that you are going to do yoga today. Can I do yoga with you?"

"Sure, Honey. You want to do yoga with me? No problem."

Five hours later, the kids are at their dad's hoUse and I'm watching The Incredibles and doing some leg stretches, and I think:

"Holy fuck! That little booger knows how to READ!"

Because 12 is a better number than 10.

September 30, 2005

Even if I refuse to do the coolness audit (but you can coolness audit it for me, if you'd like):

1. Screeching Weasel - Cool Kids
2. Public Enemy - Shut 'em Down
3. Pink - Eventually
4. Jawbreaker - Into You Like a Train
5. Barry Louis Polisar - It All Comes Back To Me
6. Barry Louis Polisar - I Don't Brush My Teeth and I Never Comb My Hair
7. Bjork - Isobel
8. The Handsome Family - Tin Foil
9. Velvet Underground - All Tomorrow's Parties
10. Peter Tosh - Here Comes the Sun
11. Sneaker Pimps - Wasted Early Sunday Morning
12. Tom Waits - Bend Down the Branches

Tomorrow the boys and I are taking a consumerist field trip down to Waterloo Records to get Picaresque, because none of us can get "16 Military Wives" and "The Engine Driver" out of our heads. We're going to take the bus and have lunch at Waterloo Ice House, and make an adventure out of it.

Noodling with the site...

September 29, 2005

I'm trying to procrastinate working on this arduous spreadsheet I'm creating for content development assignments for the new website where I work. So, um, I am fiddling with my site.

I hope it doesn't fuck up Jhames' totally beautiful design to include that last comments thingy there. I just really like the idea of being able to see who has commented on what posts most recently, especially now that there is no chance of spam. Jhames, if you read this and you are mad at me...feel free to email me and bitch. And, honey, I swear when I have a roommate (and, therefore, some extra money) I'm going to send you some nice-smelling hair care products.

I also included a link to my (work in progress) about page. A LOOOOOONG time ago I asked people to send me interview questions for that page, and I answered a few and then my enthusiasm waned. I figure, what the hell...I have nothing better to do with my time...I might as well just go on and on about myself. If anyone has any questions they would like to send, feel free to email me. I still have questions left over from when I initially put the word out, but I might move you to the front of the list if your questions are fun and/or interesting. The page is a work in progress because I'm still working on the archive pages. Again, Jhames, if it makes you feel homicidal...you can yell at me and I will remove it. All hail Jhames, the king of website/blog design!

So, yeah. Now that I have done that, I need to find something else to distract me from, you know, actually working. Maybe I'll put up a link to my flickr page...

Yes. No.

September 29, 2005

Yes, there was a post here before.

No, it's not here anymore.

It's stunning.

September 29, 2005

It's absolutely stunning to come to the sudden understanding as to WHY I've always felt like an outsider in every context of my life. This reality has been revealed to me at various points in my life...most recently in an email that was FORWARDED to me from my sister. An email from my aunt, who I always suspected never considered me a part of the family, but never really knew why. The email was imploring my brother and sisters, who have chosen to not speak with my father anymore (just like me) to please find a way to make peace with him as he is undergoing a quadruple bypass surgery this week. Today.

I wasn't included in the email. I'm not a member of that family. It's clear to me. I hurts me...so much.

Because, you see, because I have 7 brothers and sisters, and because I am a half-sibling to all of them, there is a whole other family that I'm not a part of, either. Because I am "the other." To the A's, I am a D...and to the D's...I am nothing.

So, yeah. I had to turn off AIM today. Not because I didn't want to talk to my sister, who has been kind to me and a true sister (one of the few members of the family who has been)...but because I didn't exactly feel like being reminded why I've felt this way my whole life. I would like to be able to invalidate those feelings as easily as the rest of my family seems to be able to.

A few personal notes, and then...

September 29, 2005

First, wow! What a fucking awesome day. It's sort of that grey that fall days used to be in Chicago and though I know it will be up in the 80's before too long, it's 63 now. My plan is to finish this post and my coffee, then gather the kids up to take a long, long, long, long, long walk around the neighborhood to enjoy the weather...and as long as we don't get a thunderstorm, we're going to spend the majority of the afternoon at some park or another.

Did you all realize that it's been over 100 degrees almost every day for the past week and a half? I turned on my car stereo yesterday and the weatherman chirped "It's 105 degrees in Austin" as if it was no big deal. Honey, when there's no A/C in the van, and when it seems like the A/C unit in your house is going to rattle right through the ceiling very soon...105 degrees is a VERY big deal. I've been hibernating. I haven't been on a walk in over a week. I'm ready to get out there and enjoy the great outdoors. Fuck this hundred degree weather at the end of September shit. I want a kinder, gentler apocalypse, please.

So, it's a long walk and park time today...and tonight L has the kids, so I will come home from work and clean up and when it appears the park is clear of dogs, I will take my Twyla-girl out to romp around the park and take a walk with me. & Since Thursday is my Friday, I will stay up late and think up nefarious ways in which I can spend my kid-free weekend. Nefarious plans which will, for the most part, center around Cleaning The House and maybe Doing Some Painting.

If I wasn't clear about it before (and I think I was intentionally obscure) in about a month, I'm going to be sharing this house with a family of four. I'm both elated and anxious. I think it will be hard - not because the people I am going to be sharing it with are hard, but because 7 people in a house is always hard. But I think it will also be rewarding. I have to figure out a mantra that focuses on not taking anything too personally, because I am so so so so sensitive & have a difficult time interpreting when I should act on that sensitivity and when I should just let things slide. I'm going to err on the side of letting things slide. This will be a temporary arrangement that will facilitate me getting my spare room fixed up (to enable me to rent the room out in the future) and getting a little rent money besides while the other family regroups from some financial hardship and finds a decent place to live - hopefully in this neighborhood so we can continue to work towards building a community, only maybe not right on top of and underneath and all over each other.

It's a pretty exciting turning point in my life & I feel blessed. There's a part of me that thinks back on all of the roommate situations I've had in my lifetime and is scared to death that I'm jeopardizing one of the most important friendships in my life...but the majority of me understands that we all understand that sometimes frustration is the nature of the arrangement...and probably just as we figure out how to live together, we will be disbanding.

So, anyway, yeah. I will be doing some cleaning up and clearing away. There's lots of culling to do. Lots of storing. There will be a large garage sale at some point. Monk's excited about tiling the floor in the back room. I'm excited about painting back there and finishing the paint job on my kitchen and living room...and perhaps starting in on my bedroom. The presence of so many people will force me to get out more, which is a good thing. I haven't been to a movie by myself in years, and I miss that. Plus I think I will actually get to HANG OUT with Pansy every once in awhile, which is something that only happens on an occasional weekend or for the brief time in between picking up and dropping off children.

I'm pretty psyched. I'm going to allow myself to be psyched.

I hope you all have a lovely first day of fall-like weather.

AIDS virus could be 'weakening'

September 29, 2005

I thought this was an interesting article...BBC NEWS | Health | Aids virus 'could be weakening'

Researcher Dr Eric Artz said: "This was a very preliminary study, but we did find a pretty striking observation in that the viruses from the 2000s are much weaker than the viruses from the eighties.

"Obviously this virus is still causing death, although it may be causing death at a slower rate of progression now. Maybe in another 50 to 60 years we might see this virus not causing death."

I just had to put this here.

September 29, 2005

because it makes my little heathen heart proud:

RELIGIOUS belief can cause damage to a society, contributing towards high murder rates, abortion, sexual promiscuity and suicide, according to research published today.

According to the study, belief in and worship of God are not only unnecessary for a healthy society but may actually contribute to social problems.

[I swiped it from a comment at Norbizness' site]

Banned Book Week Meme

September 28, 2005

The Badge has a list of the hundred most challenged books, and has bolded the ones she has read. I'm going to do the same:

Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
Daddy’s Roommate by Michael Willhoite
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
Forever by Judy Blume
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Giver by Lois Lowry
It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Sex by Madonna
Earth’s Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel (haven't read it, but it's definitely on my list)
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
The Goats by Brock Cole
Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
Blubber by Judy Blume
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Final Exit by Derek Humphry
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
The Pigman by Paul Zindel (Badger boy is currently reading this for school -- uh oh)
Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
Deenie by Judy Blume
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein (over, and over, and over again.)
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
Cujo by Stephen King
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
Fade by Robert Cormier
Guess What? by Mem Fox
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Native Son by Richard Wright
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Fantasies by Nancy Friday
Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Jack by A.M. Homes
Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
Carrie by Stephen King
Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
Family Secrets by Norma Klein
Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
Private Parts by Howard Stern
Where’s Waldo? by Martin Hanford
Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
Sex Education by Jenny Davis
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Now you go.

Who's doing the "finger pointing" and "blame gaming" now?

September 28, 2005

ararrrarrrrhghghghghaghgh;aghghaghet iwetashef!!!!!

Sorry, that was the sound of my head exploding AGAIN due to the rampant hypocrisy of anyone associated with George Bush.

NPR : Ex-FEMA Director Defends Agency's Response

He's ACTUALLY FUCKING POINTING HIS FINGER!

I would laugh except, you know, my vocal cords sorta went with the whole exploding head thing.

Food Thoughts.

September 27, 2005

Over the years, I've gone through various iterations of food purchasing theorems. I've made lists (even creating a food cost database that enabled me to create a list, in order of location, with approximate costs of each item included), I've made menu plans, and I've varied that frequency of grocery trips.

As my level of income has changed, so has my devotion to organic foods and vegetarian, environmentally, community friendly stores. In spite of my thorough desire to support both of these endeavors, sometimes I just don't have enough money to feed my family affordably and shop conscientiously.

Here are a few tips that seem to be enduring, though:

• Don't believe the bullshit about shopping as infrequently as possible. I never spent more money on groceries than I did when I was proudly shopping every other week. Because, the thing was, I overbought. It's hard to predict what you will run out of in two weeks, and if you are anything like me, the tendency to stock up in the face of a two-week long deprivation will kill the budget. Plus, you will always want fresh fruit and veggies. Instead, I now do a major shopping expedition on Sunday every week (or thereabouts) in which I purchase the staples (you should have a list of items that you need in your pantry - see examples here) as well as the ingredients for one or two dishes that can be kept on hand during the week (like a big pot of soup or a casserole). Then, if I need to run out during the week to get something - I just go to the neighborhood grocery store. I can walk there, and forcing myself to only go there during the week makes me evaluate whether I really "need" something or merely "want" it. Not that wants for foods are necessarily all bad, but the fact that I have to take time out to walk to the store for my want certainly cuts down on excess. I think the argument against shopping frequently is that you tend to make more impulse buys. My answer to this argument is, um, don't make more impulse buys!

• I do still make a menu plan every week, only now I pretty much do it in my head. I have my big pot of soup, and I always have sandwich fixings on hand. I generally get by from Monday-Wednesday with soup leftovers and/or sandwiches. On Wednesday, I put up all of the leftover soup in the freezer (and if there's a LOT extra on Thursday, I distribute bags of frozen soup to various friends and co-workers) and we have pasta for lunch (I think this is actually a holdover from the Prince Spaghetti advertising of my youth: Wednesday is PRINCE SPAGHETTI DAY!) Thursday is our park day, so it's back to sandwiches or maybe tacos (in the winter, I tend to bake potatoes on Thursdays.) Fridays, we are grazing on whatever is left in the fridge. On the weekends, if I don't have the kids, I just get by on my own. Occasionally I will run to the store and get a frozen pizza (although it's so easy to make pizza now that I have a good and easy recipe for crust, thanks to Mquest, that I might just start making it myself.) And Sunday it's soup again. This plan varies little, and seems to work well. Breakfast is always bagels (for Monk) and oatmeal (for coley) and a little of both for me - or an egg sandwich. Oh, and in the past I have cooked up a pot of beans once a week...I need to start doing that again. There are always healthy snacks around & I try to stick with fruit and something proteiny and some type of chips or granola bars. These vary as the kids pass in and out of food preference stages.

• I also always always make a shopping list when I go to the store. When I go with the kids, they are told that they can make one choice of a treat at the END of the shopping trip. They can think about what they want as a treat for the entire trip, but we won't get it until the end. This REALLY seems to cut down on the "I want that, and that and that andthatandthatandthat" bullshit that I used to have to endure from them. I simply tell them to think quietly about what they want, and when we are done, they can choose it. I've gotten to the point where I will let them choose anything EXCEPT for candy, although many other convenience foods are no better than candy anyway. They also get to take turns choosing an ice cream treat on Sunday (sunday sundaes). I get a treat, too!

• Due to my recent financial uprising, I have decided that I"m going to start withdrawing the money for my food budget when my paycheck hits the bank, so I will be spending cash on food, and when the cash is gone, we eat what's in the cupboards and fridge. I'm starting off by cutting my previous food budget by about 25% to see if I can get by on less if I restrict myself to a cash-only economy. We'll see how that goes. One of the side effects of this is that I will always have cash on Sunday when I'm at the farmer's market & can buy fresh fruits and veggies there.

That's all I can think of for now. Do you have any tips or tricks to help rein in spending on food, as well as waste?

Dude, that's just WRONG.

September 26, 2005

The Raw Story | CBS News says Michael Brown rehired as FEMA consultant

From CBS's Katrina blog: "Sept. 26, 2005 /6:44 p.m. (CBS) — CBS News correspondent Gloria Borger reports that Michael Brown, who recently resigned as the head of the FEMA, has been rehired by the agency as a consultant to evaluate it's [sic] response following Hurricane Katrina."

It makes last week's This Modern World seem all the more plausible.

Meanwhile...in DC

September 26, 2005

Civil Resistance at the White House | AfterDowningStreet.org

The weirdest flat tire incident I've ever had. (or, how many homeless people, Katrina evacuees, and moronic, socially inept bloggers does it take to change a tire?)

September 26, 2005

So, I'm driving down I-35 on my way to work & I move over a lane in front of a truck. The truck promptly honks at me, and in my rearview, I see the driver making a gesture at me. At first, I just think he's flipping me off, because I realized after I changed lanes that I did not have my signal on (I swear I MEANT to signal.) Then I realize he's indicating to me that my tire is low. So I give him the thumbs up and he gives me the thumbs up and I continue driving, thinking to myself that I'll just fill up at the gas station when I get some water.

About five minutes later, a woman pulls up next to me and yells out "Hey...did you know you have a flat tire?"

I go "No! Is it totally flat?"

She goes "Yeah...TOTALLY."

So I go about trying to pull off the highway so I can see about taking care of that...

I managed to pull off the highway and into a parking lot without riding the rim. Apparently, although the tire appeared to be flat, it was still in the process of flattening, so I'm glad I didn't do any damage to my car, and I'm certainly glad I didn't have a major blow-out in rush hour traffic.

So, I get out of the car and instantly there is this kind-hearted homeless man running over to try to help me. He asks me if I have a jack, and I'm all "No!" (Because I'm a total idiot and I still haven't replaced the jack that was ruined the last time I got a flat tire.) so he tells me "Don't worry! I'll find you a jack!" And he starts flagging down random cars on the access road, trying to find me another kind-hearted citizen with a jack.

Soon, he finds one. A woman pulls into the parking lot in her rental car. She is, of all things, a Katrina evacuee, and she says she has "nothing better to do" than to help me out. (She was so sweet. Through this entire adventure, I kept saying "Are you sure you don't need to be somewhere, and she kept saying "Are you kidding? This is the most exciting thing that has happened to me all week!")

So my new friend starts jacking up the car with my other new friend's jack (I have to say that I've had like 3-4 flat tires in the time I have lived in Austin, and not once have I even been ALLOWED to fix them myself.) And it's not until he has the car up on the jack that he realizes the tire iron doesn't fit my car's bolts.

So, while I'm calling all of my friends to try to get someone to come down to help me (note to self, when a homeless guy, his pregnant partner, a Katrina evacuee, your workmates, and your friend who is taking care of 4 children all volunteer to help and your boyfriend tells you he has to visit his sick granny, but you can page him if it's an emergency and then NEVER ANSWERS THE PAGE when you finally start feeling like it's getting to be an emergency - and still hasn't answered the page even now at 10:23 PM - it's really probably about time to end the relationship. Especially if this revelation occurs to you in the same week that the lead singer in an indie rock band pays more attention to your son than aforementioned boyfriend on a particularly exciting time in your son's life, and you've started thinking "Hey...maybe this guy's not really into the whole 'dating a mama' thing.") the homeless guy (can we just call him Renaldo, because I am tired of calling him the homeless guy?) is standing on the side of the road, waving around a tire iron and asking random commuters if they "have a four-way." Meanwhile, Renaldo's pregnant wife/girlfriend (let's call her Karen) is standing on the corner doing the same, and even the Katrina evacuee (let's call her Ray Anne) is trying to wave people down. Of course, you know no one is going to stop, because it's Austin, because it's rush hour, and because people tend to not respond well to people standing on the side of the road waving tire irons.

Meanwhile, like the queen of social ineptitude that I am, I'm frantically calling everyone I know who might own or be acquainted with someone who owns a tire iron. My boss sends our work study staff member (the one in the post before this one) and says she'll follow shortly, and I tell Renaldo and Karen and Ray Anne that the cavalry is on its way.

In the meantime, we manage to flag 3 or 4 people down, and they pull up to my van in the parking lot like my own personal "Drive through to help the crazy lady with the flat tire window." No one seems to have an iron that works, until finally, an hour and a half or so after the ordeal began, a nice man who is totally all business pulls up, cranks the car up, changes the tire, and drives off before I even have a chance to thank him.

While this was happening, I was talking to Ray Anne about her ordeal. Evidently, she was stranded in New Orleans for 5 days, wading in standing water up to her neck with dead bodies floating around her. I started talking to her about where I work and the services we have available, in hopes of offering her something in return. She seems enthusiastic about it, as she plans to stay in Austin. Then Karen walks up and I tell her about our classes, and she is very apprehensive. Says "I have 6 or 7 drug felonies...they won't let me in the door." And Renaldo scolds her in a sweet way, saying "Honey, you have GOT to stop letting that be a barrier for you. You need to take the opportunity that is being offered." I tell her that our program does not discriminate, and that she's welcome to be there. She tells me she's frustrated because she can't find work because of her record and the fact that she's pregnant.

And we start talking about, of all things, George Bush (I shit you not!) Ray Anne tells me she hasn't gotten shit from FEMA yet. That the Red Cross has been great about getting her some money, but FEMA hasn't done anything. We talked about counseling services, and how fucked up it was that she was stranded, and Karen starts talking about how George Bush is an asshole because when he was governor, he wrote the law that disallowed people with felony drug convictions from receiving food stamps, and now that he's president, he's made that law universal (I haven't actually fact-checked this, but I am pretty sure that people with felony convictions can't get food stamps in the state of Texas.) She was like "FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES." And I was just like "Shit...you know...I'm pretty politically savvy, and I think I knew about that...but I never *really* thought about how very fucked up that is." She also told me that the housing authority in Austin won't place you in housing if you have a felony drug conviction on your record. Which, if it's true (and I'm pretty sure it is, but I also think there are housing orgs that will hook you up with housing regardless of your record...I'll have to look into it so I can give her information when she calls, although, you know, it seemed like she knew way more about this stuff than I do).

So, by the time my boss arrived, I was telling everyone about the various services that we offer through our program and handing out my business cards to everyone. We all shook hands, and exchanged names. I only had ten dollars (a ten dollar bill) in my wallet, and I had actually said that at the very beginning. I gave the money to Renaldo, since he did most of the work. He immediately busted out his wallet and offered to give half of it to Ray Anne, who refused to take it. I told her that I could definitely try to find a way to help her out somehow if she needed it, and told her to call me. We all shook hands, I told them to call me, wished Karen the best with her baby, my boss followed me home, and that. Was that.

By the way, it's 10:41 PM, and I still haven't heard from the boyfriend. I understand Granny's in the hospital, but last time we spoke I was stranded on the side of the road. Is it wrong for me to think that warrants at least a check-in? ah, fuck it. I'm going to bed.

Ha ha.

September 26, 2005

The work study student for our program just found out how old me and my manager are. His response was:

"No way! I thought you guys were just JOKING when you were calling yourselves "Old Ladies.""

and then, as if he hadn't dug deep enough, added:

"Y'all don't ACT your age."

hahahahaha.

Pedantically Simplify Away, Asfo_Del

September 26, 2005

Living on Less

That's why politicians' hollow schemes to improve education and job training in order to lift large numbers out of poverty can't work: they address individuals and not the entirety of the population. Yes, it may be possible to help a given individual by helping her get a job, but everyone cannot be lifted that way, because good jobs for every person are simply not available.

Weekend.

September 26, 2005

Me and the kids are finally settling back into the groove of being together all weekend, after having endured the month of August and the Whack visitation schedule that had them at their dad's house every weekend. Not that I didn't enjoy the time to myself, but towards the end of August, I started to feel like I wasn't getting any quality time with my children.

This weekend, it all came together. In spite of the fact that Coley spent Saturday night with Papa so Monk and I could go to the show, it just felt like we all got to spend a fairly adequate amount of time together - perhaps partially due to the fact that it's waytoofuckinghot to do anything except sit around the house and complain about how waytoofuckinghot it is outside (I've heard reports that it hit 108 yesterday.)

On Friday, I had promised my kids all week that we would have a day without errands. We hung out in the house all day, playing and watching videos. I spent the time cleaning, listening to the news, playing the Sims2 and flitting about the house. I think the day without errands was good for me, too. After dinner, we went over to the park, and the kiddos played until it got dark & then we went home and watched Pioneer House (or is it Frontier House) together. It was a good, mellow evening.

Saturday, the kids OD'd on Saturday morning cartoon while I got more stuff done around the house. I mowed the lawn, I made my grocery list, I did the dishes again, I folded laundry...and then I brought Coley over to his papa's house so Monk and I could go to the show.

(as a side note, I really wish I would have waited to write about my reaction to the show. I feel like I didn't do a good job writing about it, and now it's too late to go back and fix it because it's already written. Am I a freak, or what?)

Sunday, Monk and I went to church & then picked up Coley for lunch at Dog Almighty, which is becoming our little Sunday ritual. I beat Monk at foosball a couple of times (take THAT, chessboy!) & then we stopped by the store so I could get the ingredients for my soup (A carribbean pepper soup).

By the time we got home, it was well past 2 PM. The boys just played and played and played together while I cooked and cleaned up and read and blogged. They were playing so sweetly, too. I think it really helps Monk to get a night off from Coley. He never SAYS he misses him, but I can just TELL that he does.

Have I mentioned that Monk is becoming more affectionate towards me? Monk used to be the world's snuggliest child, until he hit 4 or 5, and then he insisted that he HATED kisses, and hugs soon followed. I could never figure out (and still don't know) whether it was just a normal phase for him - a sort of move towards independence - or if it had something to do with the divorce, but I really missed the hugs a great deal. Thankfully, Coley is almost OVERLY affectionate, so it has sort of balanced out. Lately, though, Monk doesn't cringe when I hold his hand. He puts his arm around me when we are out walking. Little things. He still hates being kissed, but that's OK.

Around mid-afternoon, I turned on the radio. We caught the latter half of Living On Earth (they were reporting on eating local foods) and all of In Black America & then it was time for the world music shows on KUT. At some point in there, the boys got into an argument, and I was impressed with the way they dealt with each other. There was a bit of carping, but mostly Coley was expressing how he felt and Monk was expressing how he felt and I kind of guided them to a conclusion and helped them to end the discussion when it was clearly time to end it. I figured one or both of them was tired, based on the amount of emotion that bubbled up from a simple mistake & sure enough within the hour Coley climbed into bed with me while I was on the phone, pinched my arm a few times, and crashed.

I love Sunday nights on KUT. They play the best mix of all sorts of music of the world, and it's a nice background for cooking soup & spending time with the kiddos. I remember Sundays growing up listening to American Top 40, and it evokes the same feelings. I don't think the music matters as much as the ritual OF music, if that makes sense. Still, the ritual is made richer by the quality of the music. At one point last year, I attempted to find a Sunday broadcast of the Top 40, and I was so unimpressed with the music that I couldn't bear to expose my kids to it. So, I'm thankful that KUT changed the lineup on Sunday to be almost entirely world music.

Later in the evening, when Coley arose and after Monk and I had played some chess, we turned on The Decemberists so we could have some familiar music to goad us into cleaning the living room. However, the boys weren't done playing, and they were so preoccupied with such cool self-made games and art projects that I couldn't bring myself to force the issue. Coley was playing his usual elaborate "my own version of the lord of the rings version of risk" & Monk was making ephemeralist art, in the form of pictures comprised of poker chips. He made a dolphin ("complete with background, splashes of water, and a seagull, mom.") and a Phoenix. Monk, who claims to hate art, has this totally interesting ability to create these totally symmetrical works of art out of pattern blocks & he is going to be tiling the floor in the back room (well, with a LOT of help). I was a little worried that the fact that the tile pieces won't be evenly shaped might throw him off, but if he can make a dolphin out of poker chips, I think it's a safe bet that he's going to do a good job on the floor.

Right as we finished cleaning up the living room, Pansy stopped by with her kiddos & we unloaded some stuff from her car & chatted a bit over coffee while the kids played. When they left, it was time for bed.

It was such a nice, rhythmic weekend. There were very few conflicts or difficulties the entire time. Everyone had a good time & everyone got along so well. & now I feel totally ready for the rhythm of my week. Monk's going to be starting a new season of "school" with some new materials and different rhythms. I've got some pretty heavy stuff to deal with at work and at home that I feel prepared to deal with now. I feel refreshed. There's a huge pot of soup in the fridge. I'm ready for the week.

And that is what the weekend is all about.

A somewhat frightening realization

September 25, 2005

Scrivener wrote this post! with various links to interviews and information about The Decemberists, including this video, in which Colin Maloy looks almost identical to....Monk's dad. My ex.

I thought I was kidding myself, so I asked Monk to give me his assessment. He was all "I don't know what you are talking about, mom." And then the video started, and he just busted out laughing because there is no denying it. I had to get a second opinion via Pansy, and she did the same thing.

Granted, part of it is the glasses. But my ex also has the same square jaw and utilizes many of the same facial expressions. Portions of the video are actually creepy to me.

But, anyway...it's a cute video, so you should watch it.

Sunday Game Night.

September 25, 2005

While you all were enjoying a relaxing Sunday evening - maybe with the family, maybe alone...

I was getting an ass-beating at chess by my annoyingly precocious 8 year old.

In the middle of the second game (he won the first game in 3 moves*) I yelled out "Yeah? You may be better than me at CHESS...but I am SO MUCH BETTER than you at SLAMWICH!"

He was confused as to why I thought that was so funny. Probably because he has about as much esteem for me as a Slamwich master as I have for him as a Chess Master. Which, in case it's not true, is very very much.

(*If you are thinking "Is she REALLY REALLY bad at chess, or is he REALLY REALLY good"...as much as I want to give a tremendous amount of credit to my egghead son...I really am THAT bad, so there's honestly no telling how good he is. He actually READS BOOKS about chess, and MEMORIZES STRATEGY, so he's WAY ahead of me, there.)

NOT having children is the choice

September 25, 2005

Someone referred me early on in the conversation about parenting in public spaces to this article by Bitch Ph.D. I only just now found the time to go there and read it. Here's an excerpt:

To be fair, the commenter who said that was responding the weak argument that we have a social obligation to take care of children because they are the next generation and will pay for our retirement, run our nursing homes, etc. etc. Again, I say no. We have a social obligation to children because CHILDREN ARE PART OF SOCIETY. As they are young and dependent, the obligations of adults towards them are greater than theirs towards us. But see, they do grow up (if our obligations are fulfilled), and then they take on social responsibilities too, including caring for us when/if we ourselves become dependent. This is a nice thing, but it is not the REASON we should take care of children, it is merely the logical consequence of doing so.

I think I'm done with that conversation now.

I do have one more point to make. While I was hanging laundry, it occurred to me that part of the reason this conversation makes me feel so frustrated and defeated is because the very idea that people without children can dictate how children should behave and how much control parents have over that behavior is so incredibly fucking dismissive of a parent's very real experience in raising children. The only other experiences I have had with people so completely denying and dismissing my (actually fairly well-educated) reality in favor of their perception of how reality (which, by the way, that they have absolutely no, or at least very little, experience with) should be is when I am dealing with any of the other forms of oppression (i.e. racism, sexism, etc.)

What the child-free adults in this discussion don't seem to be able to understand and respect is that parents (who are, I should remind you, by and large, Women) are experts on child-rearing. If you can't respect that very simple reality, I have to wonder where doubt in the validity of that expertise comes from. I have to wonder, and I believe I know the answer. It comes from sexism. It's born of oppression.

Argue away with that...I'm out. Take care.

Seven Things Meme

September 25, 2005

I've been tagged by Cleis...this is the hardest meme ever:

Seven things I plan to do before I die:

1. Raise two sensitive, strong, intelligent, considerate boys into men.
   
2. Write at least one novel
   
3. Hike either the Appalachian Trail or the Continental Divide Trail
   
4. Go live by myself in a cabin in a remote area for at least a month. Well, with my dog.
   
5. Travel cross-country with the kiddos and write a book about it.
   
6. Travel overseas with the kiddos and write a book about it.
   
7. Do both of the above by myself and write a book about it.
   

Seven things I can do:

1. Make a mean pot of soup
   
2. Teach a classroom full of adults from various backgrounds and with a wide array of abilities how to use a computer
   
3. Drive for 12+ hours, only stopping for gas
   
4. Give birth without any pain relief
   
5. Win countless games of dodge ball against 4 7-9 year olds
   
6. Drive cross-country without ever getting lost
   
7. Gosh, this is the hardest one of all...um...OH! I can also get totally lost in a public park in the middle of the fucking city!
   

Seven things I can't do:

1. Play any sort of musical instrument
   
2. Arrive late with any grace at all
   
3. Play poker
   
4. Sit still
   
5. Keep my house clean
   
6. Tan
   
7. Build a house of cards
   

Seven things that attract me to people of the opposite (and same) sex:

1. Self-awareness (including the ability to laugh at oneself)
   
2. Stability
   
3. Humor
   
4. Tenacity
   
5. Patience (which is totally hypocritical, because I have almost none)
   
6. A willingness to change and grow
   
7. Freckles and/or goofy glasses (which might just be the after-effect of last night's show)
   

Seven things I say the most:

1. "fuck" "fucking" "fucked" etc
   
2. "alrighty, kiddos!"
   
3. Various lyrics from Decemberists songs
   
4. "right"
   
5. "Oh, Lordy"
   
6. "You guys, Come ON, now!"
   
7. "I'm all done talking about poop now. Find something else to talk about, please."
   

Seven celebrity crushes:

1. Noam Chomsky
   
2. Ralph Nader
   
3. Howard Zinn
   
4. Colin Meloy
   
5. Brian Kinney (yes, the fictional character)
   
6. Melora Krieger from Rasputina
   
7. Nick Cave
   
8. (bonus Crush) Bill Moyers
   

Seven crush-worthy bloggers (I'm going to stick with strictly people who are not currently on my blogroll):

1. Well, Cleis, of course
   
2. Echidne
   
3. Amanda
   
4. Norbizness
   
5. Bitch Ph.D.
   
6. Shaula
   
7. Lauren
   + all of the people I have crushed on before on my blog.
   

Consider yourself tagged if you're crush-worthy. (The list isn't exhaustive, obviously, so if you know you're crushy-worthy, too, go for it.)

Monk's Big Decemberists Adventure

September 25, 2005

Short version: It was an 8-year old's dream come true. Monk's comment after the show was "Finally *I* got to be in the center of attention for once."

Longer version: Because I'm a freak about being places on time, we arrived 30 minutes before the doors were scheduled to open and about an hour before the doors ACTUALLY opened. I immediately shuttled Monk to the front of the stage because I knew he wasn't going to be able to see anything if we were anywhere else. The whole "kids in public spaces" thing was fresh in my mind, and I was trying not to let it get to me.

Thank Maude for John and his earplugs. Can you believe I didn't even think about them? It has been so long since I have seen a show, I wasn't even thinking about the noise level. Had John not brought them, Monk would not have stayed up front. But he did, and he did.

Monk tolerated the first band, Brothers and Sisters. I thought they were cool. I liked the way the lead singer was using the heels on her shoes as a percussion instrument. They had a sex-kittenish thing going on, but the music was almost electrified folky-countryish. I don't know anything about them, but I enjoyed them a great deal.

Monk was so excited when the Decemberists came out. He was bouncing up and down. He sang along to Leslie Ann Levine and was generally having a great time...

It was such a cool show to take Monk to for his very first show, you know? There was theater and drama and humor and sweetness. I'm so thankful to the band for creating a welcoming environment for my little guy. & I had a great time, too...but there was something about having him there to experience it with me that made it all the more enjoyable. Like I got to enjoy it for myself, and I got to enjoy some of the stuff that I knew HE was enjoying, because of the newness of it all. At one point, Monk RAISED HIS HAND. I think he wanted to ask a question. I kind of laughed...not meaning to make fun of him, but, you know, I thought it was funny that he was raising his hand. Monk got upset with me and started crying a little, but the band started up with The Legionnaire song, which at least prevented a full-out crying jag...and after that song, Mr. Meloy sort of stooped down and started playing a solo introduction to the next song right in front of us, winking at Monk as it became evident that the solo was actually the riff at the beginning of "A Cautionary Song":

The Decemberists - A Cautionary Song

There's a place your mother goes when everybody else is soundly
sleeping
Through the lights of beacon street
And if you listen you can hear her weeping,
She's weeping, cause the gentlemen are calling
And the snow is softly falling on her petticoats.
And she's standing in the harbour
And she's waiting for the sailors in the jolly boat.
See how they approach

With dirty hands and trousers torn they grapple 'til she's safe
within their keeping
A gag is placed between her lips to keep her sorry tongue from
any speaking, or screaming
And they row her out to packets where the sailor's sorry racket
calls for maidenhead
And she's scarce above the gunwales when her clothes fall to a
bundle and she's laid in bed on the upper deck

And so she goes from ship to ship, her ankles clasped, her arms
so rudely pinioned
'Til at last she's satisfied the lost of the marina's teeming
minions, and their opinions

And they tell her not to say a thing to cousin, kindred, kith or
kin or she'll end up dead
And they throw her thirty dollars and return her to the harbour
where she goes to bed, and this is how your fed

So be kind to your mother, though she may seem an awful bother,
and the next time she tries to feed you collard greens,
Remember what she does when you're asleep

Thankfully, Monk hasn't asked me to explain the meaning of that particular song, but Colin Meloy was smiling at Monk and me through the whole song, and when he got to the part that starts "be kind to your mother" - he pointed at Monk, then me. I'm sure Monk was rolling his eyes, but I thought it was adorable & was laughing.

Later...gosh, I can't remember what song it was...Meloy and the guitar player did a faux-drunken dualing guitar thing, and once again Mr. Meloy bent down by Monk and this time handed him his guitar pick and let Monk strum his guitar. Monk had no idea what to do (he's a pretty shy kiddo) and the other audience members were helping him. It was sweet. Monk was absolutely thrilled. I was thrilled. It was very, very sweet. And when Monk was done with his strumming, Meloy offered his hand to Monk, realizing Monk was sort of shy, ended up just grabbing Monk's hand and giving it a good shake. Monk was just delighted. Just....totally delighted.

As was I. I mean, I gushed with Monk all the way to the car (Monk didn't care less about built to spill, so we left right after the Decemberists) and had to call Pansy on the way to Waffle House just to tell her how cool it was. It was so so worth the money I spent just to see my little guy get a bit of the spotlight for a change. He totally needed that, I think. He told me that when he adopts his children (because "I am NOT getting married, mom. But I'll adopt some children.") he's going to tell them all about this night. I have no doubt in my mind that he will.

A reply to Elayne, some more stuff about kids in public places, and then I'm done for now.

September 25, 2005

I'm going to fisk Elayne here. Quite honestly, since Elayne is someone I know, I found a couple of things here actually HURTFUL, so I had to wait before responding because I found myself responding to the hurt with anger.

At any rate, Elayne's comments are blockquoted, mine use the regular margins:

So far nobody's discussing the impact on the children of bringing them into social situations that they're not developmentally or emotionally prepared for. Those kids are screaming for a reason and ignoring that is damaging to the child's upbringing as well as the eardrums of the hapless bystanders. If a child is too young, 'spirited' (or whatever other euphemism you want to use) etc. to handle a certain situation (movie theater, restaurant, etc.) why would you want to put them in that situation and essentially set them up to fail?

While this is true in many cases...there are plenty of situations where I have no choice but to bring my children with me...for any of a number of reasons. One of the things that hangs me up quite frequently is the fact that I have two children - one of whom is developmentally able to handle most situations with little fanfare, the other is still learning. And the key word here is learning. As a parent, I can't just stick a thermometer in my child's ass and determine whether or not it's developmentally appropriate to introduce him to a particular situation. In order to determine the developmental appropriateness, sometimes I just have to do it.

And...OK, maybe I'm not done...because I'm really curious, Elayne...in what situations do you think it's appropriate for me to have my child out in public? I've already talked about movie theaters, and how I'd be willing to give that one to most people except for the fact that the screaming child in a movie theater in my experience is really just shorthand for most people to say "parents shouldn't bring children anywhere." So, tell me straight up - where is it that you deem it's OK for me to bring my children? Keep in mind, now, that I have my children with me about 90% of the time that I'm not at work, and anyplace I cannot bring them, I simply can't go to myself.

Taking a kid into a social situation they can't handle for whatever reason is a losing situation for all involved. The kid doesn't learn the proper social behavior for that situation (simply exposing children to social situations is not the same as socializing them). It erodes the trust the child has in the parent's ability to keep him/her safe and comfortable. It further erodes the child's respect for the parent's authority when inevitably somebody becomes irritated and scolds the parent. The child gets to practice this poor behavior over and over in these social contexts until it becomes deeply ingrained making it very difficult to teach appropriate behavior later on when the child is actually capable of displaying it.

I'm sorry, but this is bullshit, and you don't even know it. If I am out at a restaurant with my four year old, and I respond to his bad behavior every time by removing him from the restaurant...I am only teaching him that if he misbehaves, he will get special attention. The truth is that a parent has to weigh any number of variables before deciding how to react to a child's misbehavior. You, Elayne, are ONE of the variables. Only one. You are correct, though, that it's idiotic to scold a parent for their child's misbehavior. The scolder in these situations has no earthly clue what kinds of parenting decisions have been made prior to the event they are witnessing. They have no idea what kind of a parent this is or what exactly is behind this particular event. Scolding someone for their child's misbehavior teaches children bad social manners. Period.

What I would suggest to you if you feel the absolute need to comment about a child's behavior in public, you address the parent in terms of how it is effecting you. You might sincerely say "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have a headache, and I wish you would try to keep it down." Keep in mind, though, that depending on the age, the development stage of the child, and the type of day this family has been having...your request might either be fulfilled, scoffed at, or laughed at...much as if you were to tell a table full of unruly teenagers or drunk college students the same thing.

Scolding strangers in public is simply bad behavior. And why on earth would you want to model that behavior to a child who, according to you, is already on shaky ground for the future?

Also, if the parent doesn't acknowledge that the behavior is a problem (and blames the victims with the broken eardrums for their intolerance) the child learns that his needs are superior to society at large, something which they're not going to unlearn easily as they become older. I can give you plenty of examples of this in kids of friends I know who are now starting to feel the consequences in their 10 year olds.

Let me explain to you why Monk thinks you are all a bunch of whiners. Because Monk does the same thing. Ever since Cole was born, we have had to remind Monk that Cole is just an infant, a one year old, a two year old, etc. Monk has had to learn that there are certain expectations that can be placed on children, depending on their age...and that the transition from one developmental stage to another is difficult. It is important that I remain consistent, but it's also important that we all show empathy and understanding for the learning process and difficulty inherent in every given stage. It seems to me that you are lumping all children into one category. I don't have any idea what your background in child psychology is, but a 4 year old is still very much under the impression that he is the center of the fucking universe. And unless I fucking slap him around a lot and constantly berate him to knock him down a peg or two, he's going to continue feeling that way until he reaches the next developmental stage...the one where he's actually aware of his place in the universe.

This does not mean that I let him run around like a holy terror all of the time, but it does mean that there are limits to my ability to keep him completely under wraps. And it certainly does not mean that if I am unable to keep him absolutely silent so Elayne can eat her dinner in a public restaurant in perfect peace he will grow up to be a fucking axe murderer. It simply means that I have to keep reinforcing and keep reinforcing and keep reinforcing the standard until one day, lo and behold, he is able to sit still and eat an entire meal without talking about farts.

Saying it's impossible to control a child or I have a wild child, he can't help himself and I can't do anything about it, does a huge disservice to the child who will pay for this later on when age and development level will no longer be an excuse. Parent's HAVE to find a way to teach, guide and get the respect of these children if for nothing else than for their own safety and that of others.

That's what parents DO, Elayne. But it's not instantaneous and, unfortunately, it doesn't happen in a vacuum.

I almost saw a kid get run over by a car right before my eyes because the parents were yakking away with friends while the kid ran full speed ahead down the sidewalk (almost taking me out in the process). The kid started to run into the street, I yelled which got the attention of the parents who then yelled 'NO, come here' in a frantic tone. The boy completely ignored them, ran right in front of a car, horrible screech of brakes, etc.

That has actually happened to me, as well. Scariest fucking thing I've ever encountered. Does it necessarily mean that I'm a bad parent or a bad person? No. It means I'm human and I made a mistake.

When someone rear-ends you in your car because they were daydreaming for a minute and didn't realize you had slammed on their brakes...does it mean they are a bad person or even a bad driver? No...it means they are human, and they made a mistake. It's called an accident for a reason.

As much as I appreciate that you seem to want to attach superhuman powers to parenting, the fact is that parents are not superhumans. We fuck up. I'm sorry when I do, but I will probably do it again sometime. Not only that, but there's this other variable here which is the fact that children are not only human, but they are little humans who don't exactly have all of the laws of physics worked out. And we, as parents, are tasked to keep track of them. This is where the whole "it takes a village" concept comes into play. Good for you for alerting the parents that the child was headed for trouble. It's a shame you can't feel more empathy for someone who probably felt pretty freaked out and awful about it.

Being temporarily 'disabled' (ie, on crutches and in pain) for a couple of months really gave me some insight into the crap disabled and elderly people have to deal with on a daily basis re other people's kids running amok. If my choice is to get knocked over by a kid running wild in the grocery store (and consequently need painful and expensive surgery) or whack them with a crutch to keep myself safe I'm going to whack away and I came very close to having to do it many times.

Elayne, I can't tell you how many times I've been run into and run over by adult human beings. The only difference is that children are smaller and if you hit them with your crutch, they probably can't or won't hit back. Also, it tends to hurt less when children run into you.

And, once again, what kind of a message would you be sending by hitting a child with a crutch? (which, by the way, is actually assault and if you were to do it to my child I would probably have no qualms calling the police and reporting you.)

A child who runs into you has made a mistake. If it was my child, I would sincerely apologize...I would make sure you were OK...and I would make sure the child could see that the consequence of his or her actions was to cause pain to another person. Depending on the age of the child, I would hand over some of these responsibilities to him/her. If it were Coley, he would probably cry just knowing you were in pain. Most kids understand the consequences of their actions. Most kids are able to feel empathy after the fact. The process of getting them to the point where they can anticipate the consequences is a trickier thing THAT TAKES TIME. I know you don't want it to, but in reality, it does. It takes time. Hopefully the child doesn't do too terribly much damage in the interim.

I can guarantee you...hitting a child with a crutch might "teach them a lesson" in the short-term. However, the long-term consequence of hitting or intimidating children to get them to behave is not pretty.

So there are consequences, some of them deadly, to just letting 'kids be kids' unfettered in public spaces.

Yes. I don't remember the exact percentage, but most childhood deaths are caused by household accidents. It sucks, and it's because WE'RE HUMAN, and WE FUCK UP. I, myself, have fucked up. Sometimes on a daily basis.

Just one other point and I'm off to enjoy my day. It's a bit inconsistent to go on about the importance of 'community' in one post and then to say screw you to the non-parents (and parents of well behaved children, who are often just as if not more put out by the misbehavior of other children) I don't care about your need for peace, personal space etc. in public places.

You know...all I can think about in response to this is "fuck you." But, up until now, I never once said "screw you" to anyone. I understand that it's difficult to deal with children who are loud and unruly. I wasn't born with children, you know. I lived 25 years of my life without them, and I go out into public spaces without my children quite often at this phase of my life, as well. Sometimes I get irritated, too. It's not that I think non-parents should fuck off so much as that being a parent out in public with her children is a lot like walking a tightrope. There are all manner of distractions, and you are just trying not to fall off of that damn rope. If I have to stop in the middle and consider how a particular child-rearing challenge is effecting the people around me while it's happening, it makes it that much more difficult to stay on the fucking rope. So, yeah. It's not that I don't give a fuck about the other people surrounding me when I am dealing with a parenting challenge - it's that I'm putting all of my energy into solving the problem, and I can really do without the judgment before, during, and after the fact.

And, too, I'm a parent who spends a great deal of time reading about, discussing, deconstructing, and actively working on my parenting. I can say that if *I* sometimes have difficulty with my children in public, there are others who probably have it way harder. There are others who don't have the time and/or energy to invest in taking care of their children. Do they deserve your judgment and/or wrath? No. They don't deserve mine and they don't deserve yours. I can also say that we still in this country do not have absolute choice when it comes to whether or not we are going to bear children. There are still many people who, for one reason or another, find themselves with children when perhaps they never wanted them and don't care to spend so much time figuring out how to deal with them. Do they deserve your wrath? Do they deserve mine?

No. They don't. They have enough problems without us heaping more bullshit on top of them. It's simply not helpful.

And as far as 'oppression' goes, I think that argument's pretty silly but if you want to go there I think it's pretty oppressing for 70 people in a restaurant (movie theater, etc) to go home stressed out with a screaming migraine because one person refuses to do something as simple and respectful as removing a screeching child.

Ah, the mythical screeching child in the movie theater. It all comes back to this, does it? I have to reiterate my initial question. Let's say I give you the movie theater. Go ahead, you can have it. There. Now movies are silent, and you don't have to worry about your "screaming migraine" problem. Tell me, now...where else are you going to insist that I not bring my children? Restaurants? Airplanes? Public Parks? Carlsbad Caverns?

And I'll end by saying this - children are a part of our society. Whether you want to grant them that or not, it's a reality. It's also a reality that there is a learning curve involved in being a contributing member of society. As a homeschooler, I am aware that children learn best by doing. Lessons are more meaningful when children are out experiencing what they are learning about. I cannot teach my children how to be assets to their community without bringing them into the community.

Not that you asked or anything, but if you truly are interested in solving these problems, one solution would be to actually talk to parents and children when you are experiencing these things. Part of the oppression (you know, the oppression that is all in my imagination) comes from the unspoken standard that must be upheld, and because it is unspoken, it is mutable and arbitrary - so no parent actually fully knows what that standard is. My suggestion is that you actually speak out. If you really think kids are developmentally capable of behaving like adults in public, then treat them like adults and voice your opinion to them when you feel they are misbehaving. If Coley is wiggling too much in a booth in a restaurant, and you are on the other side of the booth - come right on over and say "Hey...you know what? Your wiggling is hindering my enjoyment of my meal. Can you please either stop wiggling or move to another chair?"

That would be one HUGE step in bridging the communication gap. If you were to talk to me or my children respectfully about something that you felt was inconveniencing you - I would be able to return that respect, whether or not I was actually able to do something about the inconvenience. For instance, I might say "You know...I am really sorry, but we have been stuck in a car for 9 hours, and he is kind of wiggly. I'm afraid there's not going to be anything I can do about that right now. Do you think there is a way you can move so you aren't inconvenienced by his movement?"

You see how that goes, Elayne? All I ask is that the grown-ups act like grown-ups. Regardless of how much or little you know about child development, I think we can at least agree on the standards of adult behavior.

I hope you did enjoy your day. I know I enjoyed mine.

On Coley

September 24, 2005

Real quick before I go to bed. Shaula's sweet concern about Coley makes me feel like I need to make it more clear that my posts about his difficult behavior do not at all present the full array of who Coley is as a child or person. You would really have to meet him to understand this, but he's such a neat kiddo. Most of the time he's absolutely adorable, sweet, kind, gentle and all about the loves. He is the huggiest, lovingest child I think I have ever known. And, while I don't think he's pathologically hyperactive...he's definitely a very active, creative, spirited child.

So, I mean, his behavior is fairly normal, but it's not at all convenient. & that's OK. Because children are children...not articles of convenience. The boys...my boys...are human beings whose development towards being fully human is my responsibility as well as the responsibility of the larger community I am grateful to associate myself (and them) with. I learn tons about myself every every every day I share with him and his big brother. I am thankful for that & I think they will both grow up to be wonderful men.

& yes, I have to remind myself of that a LOT these days. So thanks for giving me the opportunity to type it out loud.

Ownership and "Independence"

September 24, 2005

Now you know why she's one of my favorite people in the whole world:

What I have come to realize is that community matters more than property and that interdependence is healthier than independence, which has come to mean something along the lines of isolation and a pathological refusal to accept help. This pathology permeates culture and corporation, where people cannot expect any safety nets of any kind, including health care or pension plans. Remember the fairy tale about the company store that took care of its employees for life? Independence should mean being able to make a choice based on your needs and wants at the time. Like eating because your hungry or talking to a friend because you need company.

Engels on Mamas

September 24, 2005

Just wanted to pull this link up to the main page so everyone can read it.

There's more rolling around in my head about this, I keep trying to write something, but it's still ultimately all too personal to me, and I want to present it a bit more generally. The link above helps. A lot. And it's all tied together, like someone mentioned, with a bunch of stuff I have been posting about/thinking about this week.

So, yeah...thanks to Cheshire for keeping it thoughtful. I know we probably don't see eye-to-eye on some things & that makes it all the more heart-warming that I have somehow managed to reach you. Thank you. I know it sounds incredibly cheesy, but it means a lot to me.

Note to non-parents in the audience...

September 24, 2005

There seems to be a misconception out there that parents are somehow omnipotent and can force children to behave in certain ways in public. Oh, how I wish that were true.

The fact is that my 4 year old can only be contained/constrained within a certain wide spectrum of socially acceptable behavior. I can generally keep him from hitting people, but I certainly can't keep him from making noise without beating him.

And to the person who insists that the two alternatives I have as a parent are A) beating my child so you don't have to know he exists or B) Never leaving the house so you don't have to know he exists...I have to wonder - who is the fucking child here?

Forcing a child (I'd say anywhere from 6 or 7 on down) to behave in public is not something that can be done with 100% consistency and accuracy. Beating a child (or otherwise OPPRESSING THEM through threatening behavior) to keep them in line only POSTPONES their misbehavior to later in life. So the attitude and assumption that I need to revert to what I consider wrong-headed parenting practices in order to satisfy someone's desire for pseudo-tranquility in public spaces is totally fucking counter-productive.

A child under the age of 7 or so is NOT FULLY CAPABLE OF REASON. Look, if you are going to tell me how to parent, please for maude's sake at LEAST read up on child development. And if you are going to insist that you don't have to because you aren't a parent, then at least recognize that out of your complete and total ignorance of the subject you might actually be setting a standard that is unachievable, and then judging me negatively for not achieving that standard.

And because we live in a society in which the bulk of the responsibility for the care of the children falls on the shoulders of women, those unachievable standards you are attempting to force ME to achieve are unachievable standards you are attempting to force ALL WOMEN with children to achieve. THAT is oppression.

By the way, I asked my 8 year old what he thinks about all of this, and he thinks you all are a bunch of whiners.

Perfect Example

September 23, 2005

I'm so excited that Perfect Example by John Porcellino will be re-released by drawn and quarterly next month. Particularly because I missed it the first time around:

Road trips, drunken concerts, and late-night make-out sessions all swirl together in this coming-of-age graphic novel by King Cat cartoonist John Porcellino. Tackling the pain and uncertainty of the pivotal summer before college, Porcellino's sad and beautiful story is drawn in his sincere, minimalist style. Deceptively and charmingly simple, Perfect Example is a collection of Porcellino’s self-published King Cat comics that have won over thousands of readers with its honesty, empathy and sincerity.

If you have never read any of John P's stuff, you really should. He's an excellent artist and a truly wonderful and inspiring person.

Friday Random Ten - (Not at all) Like a Hurricane edition

September 23, 2005

Feministe :Friday Random Ten - The “Well, We Are Stuck With Stupid (For Three More Years)” Edition

We made it through yet another week, people. If it’s Friday somewhere, it’s time for the Friday Random Ten.

Grab yourself a vat of your favorite brew, fire up your mp3 players, load every song on your drive, and list the first ten that tumble out.

1. Fugazi - Shut the Door
2. Polecats - What I like About You (listed as Ramones on my downlad, but I know better)
3. Tribe Called Quest - Steppin' It Up
4. Johnny Cash - Big River
5. Velvet Underground - Lisa Says
6. Rednex - Cotton Eye Joe
7. Tones on Tail - Go!
8. Cibo Matto - Le Pain Perdu
9. Portishead - It Could Be Sweet
10. Tribe Called Quest - Vivrant Thing

(is anyone else delighted that the new version of MT allows you to assign multiple categories right from the beginning?)

I went to the grocery store last night

September 23, 2005

to get, you know, groceries. It was insane there. I'm sure you've heard it from everyone...no bread, no milk, and, yes, we have no bananas.

There was water, though.

It looks like the hurricane is veering east. That has not stopped us from panicking here in lovely Austin, TX. My workplace issued our checks a day early (yesterday)(for which I was very thankful) the office workers are being sent home early today, and our site is closed tomorrow. So, I guess I have a three-day weekend, sort of.

Yesterday in the car, listening to the reports on Rita on NPR, said he wished he lived in New Orleans. I asked him why and he said "So I could give New Orleans some love." I told him that some of New Orleans lives here, now...so he doesn't have to go that far to spread the love.

I wonder if Rita is pissed that, while we are all making overtures, and going through the motions, we are really just thinking of Katrina.

& you know what...

September 22, 2005

I certainly can't insist that people not rant about it. I can see where it's frustrating having to deal with loud children when you have made the choice to not have children of your own. Fuck, I bitch about my kids all of the time! But don't try to make it out to be some sort of societal obligation for parents to keep their kids in line just because you don't want to be inconvenienced. Don't go comparing your frustration over having to deal with children with some sort of abridgement of your human rights. Because, you know, I'm about as pro-choice as they come...but I think the deal is that they are very definitely human AFTER they are born...and they have as much right to be there all up in your space doing what babies, toddlers, children, pre-teens, teenagers, 20-somethings on up know how to do. Which, of course, varies depending on all sorts of indeterminate variables which, unfortunately, are generally well outside of the realm of control of any individual who might be entrusted with their care.

Mommy Wars

September 22, 2005

OK, I might as well be specific. The post I was referring to in that last rant was Jenn's post about Baby Wars. Here's an excerpt that I particularly took issue with:

The breast-feeding issue, for example, is one that I simply can't understand. I know that a hungry baby needs to be fed, and God knows, no one wants to force a mother to starve their child, but why must I, the non-parent be constantly told that my concerns, however less tangible than a whining baby, should be put second to someone else's offspring? Somehow, if I walk around with my shirt off because it's hot, that's a public disturbance, but when a new mother pulls her breast out to stuff a nipple into her baby's mouth, it's totally fine? I didn't choose to have a child, so why am I the asshole for rolling my eyes when a parent chooses to bring a screaming infant into a Friday night premiere of Steven Speilberg's War of the Worlds?

My two comments are below the fold

Comment #1

I think you answered your own questions in this post.

You need to be "put second to" someone "stuffing a nipple" into a crying babies mouth because at that point, your concerns DON'T matter. It's really as simple as that. Mamas have enough shit to deal with without having to worry about whether or not you think our "choice" to have children inconveniences you in any way.

And, no, it's not at all the same as second hand smoke. Don't even go there. I'm not squirting breast milk on you. I'm simply feeding a child.

I can't help but compare your attitude in this post to the attitude of those who blame people who live in poverty for their "choices." Yes, choices were made that resulted in this tiny human. However, a civil society requires all of its members to make reasonable accommodations for others, regardless of the "choices" they make.

Whether you know it/like it or not, children are part of our civil society. Their presence requires all of us to make reasonable accommodations for them as well as for those who are tasked with caring for them.

I like you, and I don't want to alienate you, but I'm tempted to end this post by adding "Get over it."

Comment #2

All I can say in response, Jenn, is that children are little human beings. Babies have no self-control. Toddlers are loud, unruly critters. And parents are HUMANS.

Your insistance on attempting to equate the presence of children as a given in a civil society with some sort of insistence that everyone HAVE children is ridiculous. It's just not implied or directly stated in my response, nor is it something I would even consider. However, it is a fact of life that children exist, and that it is extremely challenging to raise them. Whether or not someone else makes the choice to have children...or whether or not someone has the ability to have children does not make this fact any less true.

I don't know what to say about your examples of so-called inconsiderate parents. I do know that even as the mother of ONE very mellow child (as opposed to the mother of TWO children, one of whom is far from mellow) I frequently said and thought things about other parents that I now dreadfully regret. I've learned that regardless of how irritated *I* feel about the obnoxious child in a public place, I cannot assume or place myself in the position of the parent in that situation.

For crying out loud, I got griped at in Carlsbad Caverns because I was unable to adequately SHOOSH & control my 4 year old in the middle of a freaking cave that I could not possibly escape from! My 8 year old and I were doing our best to enjoy our tour. What was I supposed to do there, Jenn? As the single mother of two children, I just have to plow forth and hope for the best. I can't leave one behind to fulfill the needs of the other.

And regardless of what you say to cover up for it, you are addressing all parents in this post. You are not saying "That one time there was a screaming child in the movie theater" or "That child who kicked my seat on the airplane" - because I have been that parent with the screaming/unruly child in a place where someone felt it was "inappropriate" - you...YOU are creating a division between parents and non-parents that need not be created. We live in a civil society. There will always be children, whether you like it or not. In a civil society, we can either welcome children and attempt to show sympathy/empathy for the difficult challenge that parents face in raising them...or we can spout off like you have in this post, and then try to say that I need to "hear you out." I DON'T need to hear you out. I don't bring my children places for the sole purpose of annoying anyone. I bring my children places because they are people who are reliant on me for almost all of their needs, and I usually have no choice.

Dealing with the sounds of children in a restaurant is not the consequence of someone's choice to have children. It's the consequence of LIVING ON EARTH where PEOPLE REPRODUCE. You have no more right to insist on a child-free (or even child-restrained) environment in public places than I have to insist upon a blue-eyed free environment in public places. And, worse, your griping about it is oppressive, because many women choose to stay home with their children rather than getting out there in public because of these kinds of attitudes.

Do you get that? I mean, this is a bit rambly (ironically, because there is a 4-year old in the room who is distracting me a great deal) but I think this is really important.

And, by the way, I *AM* communicating with you as respectfully as I possibly feel able to. I just really, passionately feel like this sort of thing that you are saying is on a spectrum of oppression, and way more harmful than you give yourself credit for.

And you really show your refusal to understand the point when you equate parenting with inappropriate cell-phone use and late seat-taking. There's a variable in parenting that doesn't exist in those other activities. It's called a willful and often difficult to manage HUMAN BEING. Trust me, if I could put my child on mute, or shove him in a backpack so I could get to school on time, I would!

I really don't want to attack Jenn here. She hardly needs to be singled out for this kind of attitude, as I think it's pretty pervasive. I am sure, in fact, that up until I got pregnant I probably would have said many of the same things. I would hope that I would have appreciated having a hard-working mama give me a little what-for for it, as well.

As a matter of fact, before I had Coley, I think I looked down my nose at mamas who had unruly, spirited children. I'm SURE I felt superior with my well-behaved, mellow Monkeyman in tow - as if somehow *I* was responsible for his temperament. Um, mamas...it just ain't so. Kids are kids, and maddeningly enough, THEY will decide when they're going to start shouting about penises in the middle of an echo-ey cave. There's not much a mama can do about it at that point. We just sort of have to hope that people "get" that children Just. Do. Shit. Like. That. Whether we want them to, or not.

So, yeah. Get the fuck over it. (With apologies.)

Dear childless 20-something blogger who feels like she needs to complain about public breastfeeding (and, pretty much, public child-rearing)

September 22, 2005

I promise you I will fight for your right to REMAIN child-free by continuing to support access to birth control and abortion, if you promise me you will at least consider that spouting off about how inconvenient and annoying it is to deal with the presence of children in your day-to-day life might actually make it that much more difficult for mamas like me to even LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE with our children. As if that isn't difficult e-fucking-nough.

Sincerely,

Drucilla B. Blood

Hurricane Coley

September 22, 2005

It's been a transitiony day today, and I have about had it with Coley's temper tantrums that crop up at Every. Single. Fucking. Transition. When it's time to leave the house - he throws a tempter tantrum. When it's time to change his clothes - a tantrum. Time to brush teeth - tantrum. Over and over and over again.

In fact, I just thought of another privilege - the privilege to leave your children behind. I swear I have aged 5 years in the last year because I am so fucking sick to death of fucking having to fucking argue with someone ninety-two times every time we leave the house.

Ah. OK. I feel better now. Thanks for letting me get that out so I can deal with pending temper tantrums 93, 94, and 95 without screaming.

"My Only True Religion Is Kindness."*

September 22, 2005

I'm going ot have to remember that quote in the coming weeks, so I suppose it's a good idea that the fall fairy brought a copy of Kindness: A Treasury of Buddhist Wisdom For Children and Parents last night. And that, along with a boxed set of the first three Pendragon books, was all the fall fairy could afford to bring this year. Which is fine, because the fall fairy bestowed gifts for our journey upon us before we left for New Mexico (audio books, portable listening devices, a couple of car games, etc.)

At any rate, it is the first day of Autumn. Earlier, I mentioned that I will probably be focusing my attention on my finances this season. I will also be focusing on kindness. Because kindness seems to rule this season. This time last year, I welcomed a dear friend into my home for an extended stay with her three children. This time this year, a dear friend is taking a painful situation for herself and her family and, with her usual blend of sweet sweet optimism and, well, kindness, she is taking a difficult transition for herself and using it to help me get back on my feet in any of several ways. Granted, I am providing something in return for her family's kindness, but what she is doing is life-altering to me and my family. One day, I hope to do the same for someone else.

Be that as it may, the coming months will not be easy, and I'm certain I will have to fervently remind myself not only that "My only true religion is kindness" but also that "I believe in the inherent goodness of all beings." The house will be crowded, to say the least, and there will be lots of activity. I will probably absolutely love it 90% of the time. The other 10% will be a struggle. I'm sure the same can be said for the other family. Let's just hope that we are able to sync up our 90-10's to make life more livable here.

I was talking to my kind friend yesterday about the impending transition. I told her I felt like this needed to be the BEGINNING of something, rather than the end of something else. It's actually a continuation of something. But it needs to catalyze us. The cohabitation will not be permanent, but the things we learn WILL be. We talk a lot about this stuff, anyway. Community, collectivism, interdependence. She's been there for me SO MUCH over the past year or so - even without this upcoming life-change, I would have to say she has really been my main port in the storm of my life, and has had a huge impact on my life...made it possible to live the way I do and accomplish what I have been able to accomplish. There's no way to repay that except by carrying it forward, and giving thanks.

I don't want to mention this person by name, although some of you who read this probably know who she is. I'm glad that she knows already how much I appreciate all that she and her family have done for me and my family. I truly hope that our little experiment over the next few months is totally mutually beneficial, and I hope it leads to many many years of mutual kindness, shared wealth, and interdependence. I love you!

*-The 14th Dalai Lama

The Decemberists...

September 21, 2005

I'm so glad I bought my tickets in advance, because it's a sold out show, suckas!

Mwahahahahahaha./a>

*ETA - How dumb is it of me to gloat about this, considering the show could very easily be called off due to hurricane weather. Shit.

ETA - Those of you who are finding this post through google can read the semi-review of the show here, and other posts about the Decemberists here and here, and a review of Picaresque here.

Comment Whoring, Part deux

September 21, 2005

So, my comments have been back up for a week or so now, and I feel like I'm not getting enough comments. Helllllooooooooo out there.

I especially want to hear from you if I am the token mama on your blogroll.

The Hidden Cost of Being Poor

September 21, 2005

I've been thinking about this since Katrina struck and jarred my thinking about my relationship with money and our society's inability to face our issues of poverty and distress.

Actually, I started thinking about this for kind of selfish reasons. In the aftermath of Katrina, everyone was talking about the money they were giving to the Red Cross and other agencies. I was being hit from all sides by the guilt machine. At work, I was given an option to deduct my contribution directly from my paycheck. Online, I was told that if I wasn't giving money, my opinion was less worthy.

The truth was, late August and September have been difficult months for me financially. I took a road trip that was actually extremely inexpensive but still way beyond my means, and it left me flailing for the remainder of the month and throughout September. I will still be feeling the after-effects of it, I'm sure, until the end of the year. I knew I wasn't going to be able to contribute any money to disaster relief efforts.

So, I volunteered my time. I was able to eke about 8 hours out of my schedule to work at a call center. I enjoyed it a great deal. I got to meet some very cool people, and I found the work to be very fulfilling, even though much of the time I was there I was thinking about all of the shit I needed to get done at home that I wasn't getting done because I was there.

It wasn't until the next week that it hit me that my inability to donate money, which "forced me" to donate my time (although I was glad to give it. Work with me here.) was yet another form of what I like to call "poor people tax."

Sandra Bollock went down to the convention center and handed out a bottle of water at one point a couple of weeks ago. Rumor had it that she dragged her whole entourage with her, set up cameras, handed out a few bottles of water, and left. I'm sure she also donated a great deal of money to the cause, which she was no doubt able to write off on her taxes.

My time cannot be written off. THAT, my friends, is poor people tax.

So, I got to thinking about the other hidden costs of being poor (or at least financially strapped). A lot of people mention renting as a hidden cost of being poor. No owned assets equals no equity equals you are just throwing your money away on rent. As a homeowner, I am definitely speaking from a place of privilege here, but homeowning is not exactly the be-all end-all of saving money. A house is a depreciable asset that requires maintenance and upkeep. And when extenuating circumstances prevent you from being able to keep up with the dramatic yearly increases in the motherfucking property taxes, much less the mounting repair obligations, it can be mighty fucking taxing to be a homeowner, too.

I started thinking, too, that bank charges are poor people tax. Because it's really expensive to have an overdraft at any point in the month. I never had to worry about overdrafts when I was able to keep a buffer in my bank account, but lately I skate on the very edge of it every month, and an unexpected ATM/bank charge or check that was being held by someone for a month or so, only to be cashed when I least expected it can cause my entire financial world to tumble down. I figure an overdraft once a year or so is still cheaper than interest on a credit card. But, then again, just having a bank account is a privilege of mine that many people with lesser means than me can't even afford. In which case, it's 1% to cash a check at the local HEB, and it costs money to pay your bills or buy your money orders. That is poor people tax.

I'm sure if I thought about it a little bit more, I can think of more. But I can't bear to think about it more, because it just ends up pissing me off. I mean, on a grand scale, there are so many savings opportunities for those who have the means to invest in them. From bulk goods to tax breaks to tax fucking lawyers to write offs to loopholes to shelters. From lower interest rates for those with better credit all the way to better schools for those who can afford them. You know? It's all about hidden costs of being poor, and the obvious privilege that comes with financial wealth.

*ETA - Oh, fuck...I didn't even mention the hidden cost of not having health insurance, therefore the reduced likelihood of regular doctor check-ups, therefore the increased risk of illnesses going undiagnosed. That's a fucking huge one!

I can sum this up on one word:

September 21, 2005

Amanda does an excellent job of analyzing men and ennui:

Another big factor in all of this is that historically speaking, men really have been encouraged to seek identity through being superior to other people and this is an option that's just not realistic anymore for your everyday man. In the past, men could count on being superior to women, being both the boss of and the protector of the women in his life. Women's financial independence has basically pissed that away for a lot of men. The other option offered to men in our society is to Be Somebody--an athlete or rock star or something--and that's just not within most people's reach. Getting involved in your everyday life and finding meaning from that is sort of disdained in our culture. Taken altogeher, it's easy to see why there's a lot of ennui and alienation in American men.

As usual, she is thoughtful, intelligent, and spot-on. But there's really one word that describes people who can afford to be bored and depressive and indecisive and despondant.

Privilege.

I really think this is the problem I am having with my relationship right now. In spite of the fact that my partner is kind and loving and sweet when we are together; in spite of the fact that he seems to have a decent amount of understanding for how privilege operates....he still HAS privilege. He is still able to make choices about how he spends his time. Choices that I'm unable to make. He still has extra money to burn. Money that I don't have. He still has the independence to sit and mope without having to deal with the effect of this moping on the little community of small children. Independence I don't have.

And I think independence is the key word here. I heard it several times at the luncheon I went to yesterday. Everyone was congratulating everyone else on our non-profit's success at opening up opportunities for people in the community to gain the skills and experience necessary to be independent. What the fuck is that? Independence is NOT the goal of society. Independence is the goal of a teenager leaving his or her parents. The goal of society is INTERDEPENDENCE. The goal of society is COLLECTIVISM.

The problem with independence is that it encourages individual privilege and it promotes privileged individuals to the top of the hierarchy. Whereas interdependence promotes shared privilege and promotes collectivism, conservation, and "sharing of the wealth."

I'm sure I could go on and on, but I have two little men that are reliant on my ability to be solutions-oriented and unbound by ennui in order to keep them going through their day. Hopefully, when all is said and done, they will grow up to be more willing to sacrifice their privilege to be bored for the sake of the greater good.

The Dalai Lama on KUT.org

September 20, 2005

KUT: Listener Supported Public Radio from UT Austin

The Dalai Lama KUT.org will present our first-ever streaming event Tuesday, September 20th at 4 p.m. as we carry The Dalai Lama’s address from the Frank Erwin Center. This will not be on the radio, it is a web-only event — and KUT is the only broadcaster given permission by the The Office of Tibet to carry the speech. The stream will be in MP3 format and will be available after the broadcast for download.

"I have nothing to offer to you. Nothing. Except...some of my own experience, which is somewhat useful in my daily life. That I want to share with you."

Coley on Nutrition

September 20, 2005

Coley: "Eating boogers is good because it's the only place you can put them where you won't ever see them again."

[...thoughtful pause...]

Coley: "Unless, of course, you BARF."

[another pause]

Coley: "Eating only boogers isn't good for you, right mom?"

Mom (trying to do something else): "I guess."

Coley: "Good thing I eat OTHER things, TOO. Nutritious things."

Irony

September 20, 2005

Far be it from me to gloat about impending disaster...but many of the homeschool list racist fucks who were spouting the "personal responsibility" line about the victims of Katrina are now sitting right in the potential path of hurrican Rita. And many of them are grossly underprepared.

Fuckin' A, dude.

September 20, 2005

Pandagon: In Defense Of Cursing

Coley on Birth

September 20, 2005

"Mama, when you birthed us, you didn't know if we were a boy or a girl."

"I knew for Monk, but I did not know with you."

"But when I was born, you knew?"

"Yes."

"Because of my hairstyle?"

"No, Coley. I knew because you had a penis."

(aghast) "You mean I was born WITHOUT a DIAPER?"

Fresh Start.

September 19, 2005

This week marks the Autumnal equinox. I believe the actual day of the event is the 22nd, but I will be using this week to think about changes, new seasons, fresh starts.

This time last year, I had a lot of worries. I was worried about losing my job. I was worried about money. I was worried about losing the kids (!) in the divorce process. I was worried about the divorce process itself.

Most of those worries are now over. None of them came to fruition. My job is more secure than it has ever been (the worries were more about funding than my performance, although I am fairly certain that all my worrying caused my performance to suffer, as well), and I made it through the divorce with my children and my sanity intact. However, I have more money worries now than before.

I have experienced a lot of adverse financial shit in the past year. Shit that has made me have to really think about my relationship with money, and how my life is arranged. I think my focus for this season will be on turning my financial situation around and forming a more healthy/positive relationship with my finances.

I had a lot of unrecognized privilege when it came to money, in spite of the fact that I have never been wealthy by most measures. I have always had a cushion. I no longer have that cushion, and I need to learn to deal with life without it, at least until I can figure out a way to get it back. These past few weeks, I have written a lot of blog posts in my head about money and privilege. I think the eternal optimist in my brain keeps devising new spin that enables me to view my struggles as something I can learn (and, ultimately, teach) from. I know that my children are learning a lot more about money than I ever did when I was growing up. I've had a difficult time writing these blog posts, because I don't want to alienate people who I feel might have the same unrecognized privilege. Last night, in a conversation with J, some of my frustration and vulnerability towards him in this regard leapt out, and I was able to open up to him in a way I have forced myself to be closed for awhile now. I'm not sure if he appreciated it, but he handled it without getting defensive. I'm hoping that I can do the same thing here without having to deal with defensive bullshit.

Mostly, I realize that I can talk about my money difficulties...fully realizing I still have a great deal of privilege compared to many people. I have this house. I have family with means to help me, even if I don't feel comfortable asking for that help...I know I could if I truly truly needed to. We eat well. Sometimes, when it comes to money, I get that same feeling I get when, as a fat person, I buy a pint of ice cream. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like if I talk to someone about how I want to get the "Nightlife Expansion Pack" for The Sims 2, or if I mention that I went out to dinner the other night, inevitably someone is going to think that I'm being irresponsible. And maybe I am. Fuck, you know? I just went on a road trip that I clearly couldn't afford, and bought some tickets to a concert that I probably shouldn't have bought. Yes. On occasion, I am irresponsible. Just like, on occasion, I buy myself a pint of ice cream even though I'm fat.

There's a bunch I want to say about this. I want to start in my next post talking about the various forms of "poor people tax" that I've only just begun to witness lately. I'm not sure I identify as a poor person. Not because I'm feeling haughty or better than the label would illustrate, but because...as I said before...I'm well-off by some standards. However, living tight these past few years has been very eye-opening for me...and I would like to share my observations. I hope you enjoy the ride.

Sanctuary.

September 18, 2005

I was meaning to say this in my last post, but I guess it warrants a new one. I have a confession. No, I have not gone Catholic on you, it's just a regular old admission of my own personal neurosis: I can't do nothing.

That's not a mistaken double negative.

What I mean is that I find that I have to be doing something at all times. I have a subscription to Netflix, and I frequently can't watch my movies because I don't make time to do nothing. Or can't. Or refuse to. I try! I do! But I find myself doing laundry or getting up to walk around every few minutes or...doing something.

When I rented the Godfather, it was sheer torture! I was watching it, pacing the living room with my hands on the sides of my face saying "When will this movie EVER END!!!"

This is probably why I like getting TV series' best of all. Like right now, I'm working my way through all of the episodes of Queer as Folk (I'm on the 2nd season and I really love it. It's such a great show.) The TV episodes seem to be about the right length to allow me to sit still for a little while in between my nervous pacing and muttering around the house.

So, today, sitting in the sanctuary of the church uninterrupted for the entire service? It was tortuously heavenly. Which means I enjoyed it, but I kept having to resist the urge to check the time, and I kept having to tell myself that no, I would not "bring my journal next time" no matter how much the sermon begs to be recorded in my own words and no matter how interesting the other people in the sanctuary seemed to be. I have decided that my time in church is time to retrain myself to sit. And listen. And be. And do nothing.

All of a sudden, I'm a Church-Goer

September 18, 2005

I picked Monk up from his dad's house today to bring him to church. (Coley stayed with papa) We laughed at some jokes that were pinned to the wall (ex: Q: How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb. However, if, in your own journey, you have found that lightbulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb, and present it next month at our annual lightbulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.) had some juice and coffee, chatted a bit about the weekend (and our exciting weekend plans next week: The Decemberists at La Zona Rosa!) and then sat down for the service.

I guess I started crying during the dedication. A family was called up on the stage, and the minister talked about how a dedication is about introducing the young family member to the church, and the fact that the community and the family are responsible for the care of the children. That we all share that responsibility, although the bulk of the responsibility rests on the shoulders of the immediate family. It was a wonderful dedication, and it really made me appreciate the fact that I have found a place to sit in community for a couple of hours every week.

After the dedication, Monk left with the other kiddos, and there were some other words and prayers for community and kindness. I think I was pretty much shedding tears through the entire thing. I don't know what my deal is, but evidently I am holding back a lot of really difficult emotional stuff, because this is the second week I've been to church in a long time, and I have had an uncontrollable urge to just cry the entire time both weeks. I think it's more relief. I feel...protected. Although, for now, I am more comfortable being on the outside and just observing. I know that at some point I will participate in that community. I will find the right time and place for me. And I'm glad that I have found someplace that will accept me for whatever I do or do not believe. It's truly a wonderful, wonderful place.

The sermon was about "audiences" and the masks we wear to appease and please whatever audience we happen to be performing for at any given time. It was a beautiful sermon. It focused on the necessity of playing a character, but also the absolute necessity of being fully in touch with the actor as well as the characters we play, the masks we wear, and how these masks shift with our audience to present different faces of ourselves. And I was sitting there, wishing I could share the sermon with someone. I thought maybe sometime I might invite J to come with me. And I realized that one of the best things about the potentiality of Pansy moving back into town would be co-participation in church and community. I'm so very thankful for the community that I have and the potential community to build.

I kept wiping tears from the corners of my eyes and trying to sniffle unobtrusively. The ladies next to me were so sweet. The smiled at me so sweetly when the sermon was over and it was time to file out. Monk was in his class being read to. The children had cut out pictures from magazines and pasted them on posterboards with words like "Community" "appreciation" "teamwork"(etc) on them. Monk had pasted a picture of a huge church on the board marked "appreciation." I asked him what that was all about, and he said it must have taken a lot of work to build that building, and that the people in the building probably really appreciated it.

I squeezed his hand as we were walking out, and we went to Dog Almighty for veggie dogs, cheese fries, and foosball.

Hallelujah. Amen.

Ms. B schooling on Socialism v. Nazism

September 18, 2005

volsunga

People who distill socialism into state ownership and vague mentions of workers are idiots. People who just shout and stamp and point to the name National Socialism are almost beyond redemption.

Chavez receives "loudest applause of the summit"

September 17, 2005

Chavez Takes Bush to Task on World Stage Over War in Iraq

World leaders at the summit had been asked to speak for five minutes but Chavez ran long and when the presiding diplomat passed him a note saying his time was up, he threw it on the floor. He said if Bush could speak for 20 minutes, so could he.

When he finally stopped, he got what observers said was the loudest applause of the summit.

[...]

Chavez, whose country is the world's fifth-largest oil exporter, also warned the world is facing an unprecedented energy crisis.

He told reporters later the crisis will keep growing, "not because we the producers want it but because we are running out of oil."

Chavez singled out the United States as the most wasteful country, saying he was shocked when a quarter of all the cars he counted Thursday morning on New York streets had one person in them.

"That's crazy, one person with a huge car ... that is using up gas and polluting the atmosphere," he said at a news conference. "The world cannot tolerate this model of development called the American way of life."

wishlist whoring...

September 16, 2005

I just added the Sims 2 Nightlife expansion pack to my wishlist, in case there is anyone out there who feels like feeding my insane addiction to my little imaginary friends.

ETA: Speaking of, er, "whoring," thanks to the kind soul who paid for my flickr upgrade, I will be posting vacation photos at some point in the near future

Friday Random Ten - Stickin' it to The Man edition

September 16, 2005

You know the drill:

1. portishead - over
2. David Bowie - A track from Peter and the Wolf
3. The Velvet Underground - Countess from Hong Kong
4. Operation Ivy - Freeze Up
5. Ryan Adams - My Winding Wheel
6. Joey Defrancesco - Evidence
7. Screeching Weasel - A New Tomorrow
8. Bikini Kill - Alien She
9. The Fixtures - Custer & Columbus Come to Town
10. Sweet Honey in the Rock - Counting in French

Comic Books.

September 16, 2005

The boys are busy drawing comic books, and I'm being told to "Look Mom! Look Mom! Look Mom! Look Mom!" Every 5 seconds, so I'm not really able to get my news fix/writing fix on this morning.

But I have to say that I am totally thrilled that they are doing comic books. I nearly fainted when Monk asked me if we had any colored pencils. DO WE HAVE COLORED PENCILS! He was confused when my response to his question was to squeal and swoop down and kiss him.

I told him "Monk...you don't even know. BOTH of your parents are total art nerds. You have no idea how long I have waited for you to ask me if we have any colored pencils!"

Monk's hero is "Captain coo coo head" Cole's is "Stretchman."

Cole asked Monk if his hero was going to be friends with Seth's hero (Seth is another homeschool friend who has a near-mythic status as being cool and weird and obnoxious all at the same time: "Seth's indoor voice is as loud as MY outdoor voice...and his outdoor voice is so loud that it shakes the trees") & Monk answered "Cole, I can't use Seth's hero in my comic book without Seth's permission, because Seth's hero is by HIS company, and mine is by MY company."

Comic book capitalism! Comic book property rights! So many teachable moments, so little time. I'll just let them draw their little grids and fill them with pictures of heros and villains (cole's hero already has an arch-enemy called Tinyman!) and be delighted that they are choosing such a cool creative outlet.

My approval ratings are up!

September 15, 2005

Coley had this to say today, on the way home from the playground:

"Mom, when I grow up, I'm going to fall in love with you and MARRY you!"

This led to an interesting conversation with my eldest about how various family members would be interrelated if I were to actually marry his younger brother. Our conclusion was that it's simply too confusing to marry your mom.

I actually just think that Coley is in awe of me since we have been talking about his birth. We were all hanging out in the big bed the other day, and I started talking about how I gave birth to Coley right on that bed. Coley could hardly believe me. "You DID?" And we talked a bit about birthing in general, and his birth in particular.

Today, he climbed up in my lap and said "Mama...does it HURT to birth babies?"

I got the sense that he was wondering if it hurt me when he was born, so I told him yes, indeed it hurts. It hurts a great deal...but it's not like the kind of hurt you get when you cut yourself or fall and get a boo boo. When you cut yourself and fall, all you get is a scab. When you give birth, you get a little human being...and it is WAY worth it, little dude. I would do it again tomorrow. In a freaking heartbeat.

"Do you feel bad that it hurt mama when you were born, Coley?"

"yes."

"Don't."

How To Help

September 15, 2005

Here's a handful of ideas/projects people can pursue in aiding Katrina's victims.

A) Donate to the the People's Fund, or one of countless other grassroots, progressive and people-of-color led initiatives. http://katrina.mayfirst.org/

B) Go to New Orleans! In lieu of money, there's been a "Camp Casey" set up in Covington. Activists can go there and camp out and be deployed in grassroots relief work. http://www.vfproadtrips.org/ (Found this on austin indymedia too:
http://austin.indymedia.org/newswire/display/21230/index.php)

C) Also, let's talk about launching a "Freedom Thanksgiving" (hopefully we'll find a better name), where we encourage people across the country to go to New Orleans rather than go home for Thanksgiving. If we can get thousands of people to go down, we could potentially get a huge amount of work done--perhaps re-building homes or entire neighborhoods, a la what Habitaty for Humanity does--as well as forge really substantial links with the New Orleans community to enable more collaboration down the road. If we could pull something like that off, not only could have a hand in rebuilding New Orleans on a just basis, but we could concretely illustrate to people that ordinary people are capable of enacting change on a mass scale. If people are interested, email zagg2 AT earthlink DOT net.

D) Organize a local fundraiser! Put on a concert! Organize a speakout! Or think bigger! Find a space you can get for free or for cheap. Line up speakers who can report-back from their relief work in New Orleans. Find survivors who want to talk aobut what they went through. Find other speakers who can provide a framework for why things developed they way they did. Ask people to donate $10 or $20 a person (or more). Send it to the People's Fund or one of the other organizations listed above. I think doing events like that, which have survivor/witness report backs + a pitch for why grassroots relief matters.

[thanks to Zagg for this post. I was planning a trip to New Orleans in November, and it looks like I'm going to keep that on the calendar for Thanksgiving. Does anyone in Austin want to join me? I won't have my kids that weekend, and I have a minivan that can seat 7.]

Not a lot...Just a little

September 15, 2005

Zagg informed me that there's a Katrina edition of get your war on.

Depressing, but somehow perfect. I don't know how Rhys does it. He comes right up to the line of totally inappropriate, but doesn't step over it.

Also, Zagg says he has ideas about what we can do. I'm waiting to hear more.

Wise Choices and Reasonable Expectations

September 15, 2005

As evidenced by the post earlier this week about Coley's church experience, we are struggling a bit with 4-year old growing pains.

The boys are currently seeing a therapist every week. She has been awesome. Monk's attitude has never been better. He seems happy and fairly cooperative in all areas. I'm impressed with his emotional growth, and I truly enjoy being around him almost all of the time. I don't want to give all of the credit to the therapist, because I think Monk deserves a lot of the credit, as do his parents.

Coley, on the other hand, is struggling. From my conversations with other parents, it seems like 4 is a really tough year for most kids. Some people say "especially boys" because there's allegedly some sort of "testosterone burst" that happens with 4-year olds that turns them from sweet, loving boys into screaming, hitting monsters. I don't know if I buy that, and I haven't even bothered to research it. The cause is not as important as the cure for this.

What the boys' therapist told me this week is that she is going to work with Coley on handling disappointment. When she said that, it just clicked. A lot of this stuff I'm seeing is about living in a world where everyone else has the upper hand. Everyone else makes all of the decisions for you. It's really, truly hard to be a little guy in a world of big people.

Yesterday, we had a power struggle. I made a bowl of Coley's favorite veggies for him to eat, because I felt like he needed to get something green in his body. These were veggies that Coley usually gobbles up, no problem...and all he had eaten all day was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (he makes them himself now!). Normally, my feeling is that if kids are offered healthy foods, they will find a balance on their own...but I had already heated up this bowl of veggies at Coley's behest, and I was not going to let them go to waste and make the other snack that Coley was demanding.

So the bowl sat there. Coley kept requesting other snacks, and I kept telling him that he asked for veggies, and I made veggies, and he was to eat the veggies before he ate another snack. He kept refusing. I eventually had to tell him "Look. I've already said all that I'm going to say about the food. You can have something else to eat at dinnertime, but I will not provide another snack for you until you have eaten what is out on the table." He became angry at some point and started to yell and scream and tell me he hates me and, you know, the evil 4-year old dance.

So we went and laid down in the big bed. I held my baby close and I told him "Sweetie, it's hard being four, isn't it? It feels like everyone else gets to make all of the decisions and have all of the control over your life and you don't get to make any decisions and have any control."

He started to cry at this point, and said "Everyone else tells me what to do, and I don't get to make choices!"

I empathized. I held him. I let him cry. And then I said "The grown-ups in your life are responsible for guiding you in making wise choices and reasonable requests so that as you grow, you can learn to make those choices and requests yourself, and you can have more choices and more control over your own life." I gave him some examples of wise choices and reasonable requests.

He said "I have a reasonable request! I want to be RULER OF THE UNIVERSE!" and then he laughed. And I was amazed, because what he was demonstrating was that he was aware of what an unreasonable request was, and how unreasonable requests can be sort of funny.

But then he cried some more, and I held him some more. Usually at this stage in the processing, Coley starts to get really down on himself because he truly feels bad about his bad behavior. He feels bad when he tells me that he hates me and tries to hit me. Generally, this realization causes him to cry some more and say things like "It's all my fault!" or otherwise indicate that he's feeling pretty bad about himself. So I told him that I know he doesn't hate me, and that I love him all of the time (earlier in the day, I had asked coley how much he loved me, and he said "ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, mom.") and that sometimes even grown-ups have trouble making wise choices and reasonable requests, so it's probably something that he's going to be working on for a long time to come. I reinforced the reality that he's a sweet kiddo. That he's nice. That he's loved. And we snuggled some more.

But I think I like the "wise choices and reasonable requests" idea. I think that's going to be my mantra with him, as well as myself.

Bankruptcy

September 15, 2005

It seems telling to me that I don't have a category simply labeled "Money." Especially since money is a daily concern here at the House of Dru. I suppose I could use class war, but I don't like the idea of making my financial situation out to be more than it actually is.

At any rate, I came home from work the other day to find that I am possibly being sued by a credit card company. Little old anti-consumer me. I haven't used a credit card in over 3 years, and I had to stop paying shortly after that, when I finally realized that L was NOT going to get another job, and that it was a really bad idea to drain my 401(k) to keep up with the payments on the debt. Unfortunately, 4 years is the statute of limitations, and I'm not there yet. Evidently someone thinks I have something that I don't.

I've been doing a lot of research, and I think my best option is to file for bankruptcy. And I think I can do it pro se. There is a really good free legal clinic here in Austin, and tons of resources online. All of the paperwork is online. Aside from my house, I really don't have any assets, and I am not planning to include my mortgage in the bankruptcy filing. In fact, I think I have few enough assets that the rule change next month won't really effect me, either. Unless they plan to come after me for school books, zines, and record albums...I don't have anything worth liquidating.

I'm not sure why I'm admitting this on my public website aside from the fact that this process has been aided a great deal by the fact that I have a close friend who is also in the same boat, and it's very reassuring to talk to someone else who is going through it. I plan to work with her to make it easier, and to use the resources of my friends' brains (which includes all of you) to help me through this process. It should be a fun and exciting adventure!

The biggest help to me so far has come from the forums at creditboards, which J suggested I read. I thought about getting an attorney and falling another month behind on the mortgage, and I still might be able to work up the courage to ask a family member for help in paying a lawyer, but I am truly not exagerrating when I say I have no assets...so I don't see why I can't just do it myself.

The only thing I'm concerned about is that they are not going to believe me when I tell them I am living in a house that is worth as much as this house is worth (which is modest, but still probably more than most people would think I could afford) with as little as I have. Most of my furniture is well over 5 years old to me...and it was almost all handed down or found in the trash or purchased (cheap) at thrift stores. It ain't fancy around here. Even my computer was a frankenstein rebuild. I have a TV that is older than my children (the funniest thing about the TV is that J loaned it to me 10 years ago when I was dating his roommate, and I never returned it...and then 9 years later we started dating, and I was like "Um, do you want your TV back?") I do have a DVD player. That's new. Mostly I have a lot of school stuff for the kids. Plus, like I said, record albums, zines, books.

I'm rambling, but you get the point. If anyone out there has any advice, suggestions, or resources for me - I would appreciate it. And if there are any lawyers who are familiar with bankruptcy laws, come talk to me, please. You know, just the THOUGHT of filing makes it feel like a tremendous weight is being lifted from my shoulders. I've already done the hard part - I have learned to live on a salary that is 1/3 of what I was living on when I was blithely running up the debt. That was hard. I haven't needed or yearned for a credit card for a long time (except when I think about renting a car) and I have truly, truly simplified my life (although I can probably simplify even more). I am happy with what I have and how I live. My children are happy, healthy, and well-educated. We have everything we need and much of what we want. I'm proud of myself for that. I'm ready to forgive myself my past mistakes and move forward.

When I think about it, this is really the final step in the divorce process.

I guess this answers the previous post about competent presidents

September 14, 2005

Mediocre Frat Boy Theory

Everyone who has gone to college, whether that college was Central West Northeastern State or Yale, remembers the spoiled rich kids who lazed their way to gentlemen's C's while waiting to take their appointed positions in Daddy's firm. (Indeed, a key factor in the otherwise inexplicable enthusiasm so many privileged people have for affirmative action is their inside knowledge of how much of their own social privilege has been inherited rather than earned).

The Mediocre Frat Boy Theory of Life predicts that a lot of incompetent people are going to be promoted to positions they have no business holding. And, as long as the spotlight doesn't shine too brightly, they may well hold onto such positions for years and decades, protected by the same factors that put them into those jobs in the first place, while talented subordinates labor to compensate for the deadweight at the top.

For obvious reasons the Mediocre Frat Boy Theory of Life will seem least plausible to those who have benefited from it the most. President Bush, for instance, would probably dismiss it out of hand.

There is no way I could have said this better

September 14, 2005

Pandagon: Katrina was caused by.....single mothers

Intelligent leaders

September 14, 2005

I've been reading the transcript of the Second Day of Hearings on the Nomination of Judge Roberts that Jessica at Feministing linked to, and all I can think about is that, whether I agree with them or not, our senators are pretty intelligent people. Can you imagine George Bush asking any of these questions with the kind of foresight, hindsight, and insight that the senators are employing? I can't. Why is that? Is it that the presidency is a figure head role?

I guess I was never a huge fan of President Clinton, either...but I can at least sort of envision him asking some of these questions. Hell, even Bush's dad seemed remarkably intelligent (in a diabolical, weasely sort of way, but still...) Reagan, not so much. Carter, yes!

So, what gives? Why is it that we end up with presidents who couldn't articulate their way out of a paper freaking bag? Just reading over some of these questions and answers, I'm willing to nominate Arlen Specter for president, if only because he has a reasonably good vocabulary, and he made a crack about "super duper presedence."

The looting is just beginning

September 14, 2005

Hurricane Looting Not Over Yet

We shouldn't let disaster capitalists make a killing while those who suffered the greatest devastation are left out of the mix. We need a serious plan to rebuild vital infrastructure, to make New Orleans sustainable, to develop affordable housing and mass transit, to rebuild schools. Tax breaks and enterprise zones will end up building floating casinos and luxury condos. We need public investment, linked to a Civilian Construction and Conservation Corps that gives priority to housing, hiring, training and putting to work the poor people who lost.

Note to Self (and anyone else who cares.)

September 13, 2005

Add Anthropik Network to Daily Reads.

The Frustration of Four

September 13, 2005

This time it's not about the four year old. It's the four of them. Most of the time, having four children in the house is a true delight. In fact, it's always a delight when I don't have to ask them to do anything. The minute a demand is involved, though, Four becomes unbearably frustrating, not to mention thankless.

Here is how I have spent the day today:

We always have a morning walk on Tuesdays. They were warned in advance (as always) that this would be the case. They were told that the earlier it was, the better it would be, because we would avoid the late morning, early afternoon heat. They were asked to go to bed at a decent hour. And yet, at 9 AM I was having to stand the 7 year old up on her feet after I had spent a half an hour asking her to please wake up. I knew she was awake and ignoring me.

When everyone was finally all up and at'em, we headed out the door. Of course, they had been complaining about the walk since the night before, and they all complained about the walk the entire time we were on the walk. This makes my head threaten to explode. I don't understand why children who spend most of their days playing and being active can't spend 45 minutes walking. I don't even ask them to walk quickly - I just double back and catch up with them so I can get as much of a workout as possible when walking with 3 pokey walkers (Coley is in the stroller, I don't even want to Go There with him.)

We end up at the store, and complaints are made about what I choose, what I don't choose, who I select to choose, and what that person chooses. After one of them spends 5 minutes sitting on the floor of the snack aisle, weeping and telling me that I should "just leave him there to die," we end up getting the bare essentials and that's it, because I'm tired of all of the freaking complaining and drama.

On the 2 blocks home from the store, one of the children decides he is DYING of dehydration and feigns dramatic fainting whenever I turn around to see if they are all still there. The complaining continues.

When we finally get home, I sit down to read them stories, and one of the children decides he doesn't like one of the stories I'm reading so he plugs his ears and curls up in a tight, tiny, defensive ball as if I am dousing him with battery acid.

I don't even try to offer choices for lunch. I just put out slices of bread with cheese on them and let them put their own toppings on.

I love these children. Love them. Love them very much...but there are going to have to be some continuing discussions about pulling together and being part of a community. I have been quietly lecturing them all day, but I do not think I am getting through to them. It feels like the older kids at least ought to have the presence of mind to understand the concept of give a little, get a little...and when every decision becomes a freaking power struggle, it starts to feel like they are just trying to wear me down so I will relent. So I have to make sure my decisions are reasonable in advance, so that I don't appear to give in out of frustration. And I have to make sure that I find ways to offer them choices throughout the day - which isn't always easy when there are four, and they are of varying ages - meaning they each have a different level of responsibility/accountability for their own fun and towards the community at large.

I'm learning lessons from these kids all of the time. This lesson is about give and take, compromise and being compromised, choosing battles...and choosing to ignore subtle psychic warfare. It's exhausting, it's frustrating, it's challenging, and it's amazingly rewarding.

Old Friends.

September 13, 2005

(WARNING: This gets rambly and self-indulgent)

One of my favorite stops on our circle 'round New Mexico was in Albuquerque, where we were able to visit with one of my oldest and dearest friends, Raymond, his lovely wife, Maggie, and their sweet children. It was the second day of our journey, and the end of J's time with us, as he had to catch a plane in Alb. and fly back to Austin. Ray and Maggie treated us to a dinner of Viet Namese food before I drove J to the airport. The children had put the game they were playing 4 years ago, when they last saw each other, on pause, and were now determined to push play again. It was delightful.

When I got home from the airport, Raymond was out on the front porch playing guitar while the sun set on the playing children. I told him that I needed to learn how to play music, as it's such a social art. Writing is all about telling people to go away, while music is portable and inviting. I'm appreciating that more and more as I get older...I'm appreciating the gifts that musicians offer. I'm afraid, though, that I can't choose my art quite so easily, as I've always grown an extra 8 or 9 thumbs whenever I pick up an instrument.

After we got the kids in bed, I stayed up and examined my map, going over all of the possible routes in my head over and over again, knowing that I was just going to go where the road took me, and would be happy at any rate. Raymond joined me, then Maggie, and we sat up in their daughter's frilly bed, surrounded by dolls and a princess lamp, and laughed about stuff. And talked.

Here's what I love about Ray and Maggie. First of all, I have known Ray forever - ever since that time in my life when practically all of my friends were boys. And while I always considered him a close friend, we were never lovers. Aside from the initial crush that I had on him (which seems to be the same initial crush I have on every single person I meet and am interested in getting to know) and the fact that I always have and always will love him dearly and deeply, there was never any weird sexual tension between us. Maggie came along at some point while Raymond was living in Colorado, I think, and I give her credit for being one of the few wives of the male friends I was close to in my formative years who seems totally cool with me. In fact, I love Maggie about as much as I love Raymond. They are just such awesome human beings. So very dear. They have been so sweet on the occasions that I have blown into town and disrupted their lives with my crazy-ass beinghood, and I always enjoy their company. I realized, as we were sitting on the frilly bed together, that we were pressing play just like the children were, and that's the kind of friendship that I love the best.

It was Maggie who gave me the idea to camp in Cloud Croft, which was one of my other favorite stops of the trip. And both of them were so good-natured in spite of the fact that I'm an oblivious homeschooling freak and did not even consider that stopping off to visit midweek of the second week of school was a huge pain in the ass. When I arrived in town, I told J that we ought to just find their house and hang out until they got hom. J was mortified! What horrible manners that would be! Haha. I told Ray about that, and added "He doesn't know you very well." Ray responded "What do you mean he doesn't know me...he doesn't know YOU very well."

And it was Ray who, on that bed that night as we talked and schemed (and I tried to convince them to come to Austin and visit) responded to my delighted giggling about the fact that I have, in recent years, discovered I have an arch enemy by telling me "Plenty of people don't like you, Lainie...but I have never known you to not like anyone...or hold a grudge."

Or something to that effect. And then we laughed about the one person who I have held a grudge for longer than anyone, who happens to be someone that both Ray and I know.

And I was thankful for the observation (although I had to wonder who else doesn't like me, aside from the recently discovered arch enemy). It sheds light on a lot of the problems I have had in relationships, particularly in my most recent relationship where it felt like I had to put forth a Herculean effort to sustain anger and hatred for L long enough to actually go through with the divorce. I am, it appears, wired for forgiveness. I have to acknowledge that tendency in myself. I am pretty sure that it is not an inherently unhealthy tendency, but I do need to be aware of how others respond to it, or even take advantage of it.

We ended the late-night gab fest fairly early, actually. I was glad to get some sleep in a comfy bed, knowing I would wake up in the morning with an entire road trip stretching before me. A road trip in which I was the sole adult responsible for the two kiddos, and all that entails. It was good to spend one evening in the company of old friends. Good friends. Good friends who teach me things about myself in spite of the years that always seem to yawn between our visits. Next time, I'm going to plan for a weekend. And dinner will be my treat.

Too often, I lose touch with people, only to recontact them in later years to find that they have fundamentally changed in ways that I have difficulty relating to. I recently rediscovered an old friend who was very, very dear to me. Someone who I always looked up to with a great deal of respect and admiration. And this person has changed, at least based on the words I read from him, in bizarre and confusing ways. It's actually painful to think about the change this person has undergone. Physically painful. I feel like this person was my chosen brother, and he has chosen an ideology that is so filled with hatred and intolerance that I hardly recognize him. I find myself looking at a picture of him from recent years in disbelief. He LOOKS the same as he looked when we were younger, and yet...his words are so dissonant not only with what I feel is cognitive, but also with who I have known him to be. I suppose if I was going to have anger for someone, this is a person I would be able to summon the anger for, but I don't even think it's worth being angry with this person. I'm more confused than anything else. Confused and a bit heartbroken. So, I guess instead of dwelling on that, I'll think of all of the cool people I have known who are still out there doing cool things. Like Elayne & David & Danny & John & Ray & Maggie, among others.

If you have to do the dishes.

September 12, 2005

If you have to do the dishes
by: Shel Silverstein

If you have to do the dishes
such an awful, boring chore--
If you have to do the dishes
instead of going to the store--
If you have to do the dishes
and you drop one on the floor,

maybe they won't let you do the dishes anymore!

Fucking Cockroaches

September 12, 2005

This is the kind of bullshit that is rearing its ugly head A LOT lately.

A bunch of indignant white people extrapolating the (imagined) demographic of Katrina victims to the black populous at large, and then using that strawman to condemn an entire race as lazy, good-for-nothing welfare bums who have been raised to rely on the government to take care of them.

Fuckers.

And what's all of this crap I've been reading lately about people who have worked for non-profits that serve low-income individuals coming out and talking shit about the people they have served. That's such fucking bullshit. You can't work in these types of organizations and have that kind of attitude. You can't help people if you don't respect them. Then there are the self-congratulatory "If I hate black people so much, why am I sending money to the Red Cross?"

Fuckers.

Don't even go there if you are sick of it. I just ended up there because I wanted to read something about Kanye West being booed. I ended up with way more than I wanted.

Thanks to the Lone Star Times, not only do I get to be ashamed to be American, but I have to be embarrassed about being white.

Motherfuckers.

The US, The UN, and race

September 12, 2005

Egalia at TN Guerilla Women has posted an excellent aggregation of links and quotes from various sources about the state of people of color in the United States.

New Orleanian Blog

September 12, 2005

Looka! | They're trying to wash us away.

[link via randomwalks]

Demon Boy Goes to Church

September 11, 2005

I decided last night that we were going to try once again to attend services at the First UU Church here in Austin. We went a few times last year, after Monk attended summer camp there, and had to stop going because Coley reacts to church like he's the devil himself being doused with holy water. Even UU church.

Now, I'm not a True Believer, but I do appreciate community. My feeling in the few brief moments I was able to sit in the sanctuary the last go-round was that here was a place where I could leave the children in capable hands while I was forced to sit and do nothing for at least an hour. And usually the sermon incorporates good liberal (even some radical - although, damnit, when did something like reaching out to those in need become a freaking radical concept?) politics that I can zone out to. However, like I said, demon boy...

I had to stop going last year after 2 or 3 tries. I would come to the nursery, and Coley would be weeping and wailing. Meanwhile, Monk was attempting to have fun with the RE for his age group, and I was stuck in the middle between the pea-soup spewing Coley and Monk, who was thrilled to be hanging out with Kids His Own Age.

Coley finally won out, because dealing with him was making me evil.

Last night, while planning our activities on this, our first weekend together in almost 6 weeks, I decided that the exorcism of coley's inner devil child had probably occurred organically over the past year and, seeing as he is ALMOST FIVE YEARS OLD, I decided that it was Time To Try Again.

So, I got the kids all psyched up last night, and this morning they were tugging at me and asking me "Can we go to church now? Can we go to church now? Can we go to church now? Can we go to church now?"

Until finally, it was time to go.

It was raining when we arrived, but Coley was undaunted. We got into the church and saw the crowds, and Coley...

Clammed up.

He did that thing that he does where he hugs himself with his arms and says "Hmph" and refuses to budge. You know, that thing that makes my temples throb and my frustration level build to head-explodey levels. Here I have, on the one hand, the demon child himself who I'm about to have to DRAG kicking and screaming through the halls of the church, and on the other hand my hopeful sweet and lovely 8 year old.

I knew we were fucked when the nice RE director asked Coley if he liked to draw and make collages, and his response was "No! I like WAR and KILLING THINGS!"

And then his head turned a complete 360.

No. Actually, what happened next was that I attempted to integrate him into the nursery, because he got all excited when he heard about toys. And when that didn't work, in spite of the sincere efforts of the two lovely acquaintances of mine who work there, I brought him over to the preschool room.

The teacher there plied him with promises of art projects, and I was able to walk away long enough to send Monk off to his group. Then I scurried back and sat and read _The Three Little Javalinas_ to Coley and the other early arrival to the preschool group. Coley seemed relaxed until more kids started filtering in, and then he hid behind me until the teachers started demonstrating the art project.

That seemed to reel him in. Coley left the comfort and security of my lap and observed the project, pointing out the various elements that the teacher was incorporating into her collage design. Feeling like he was finally comfortably in his element, I patted him on the head and, as we had agreed upon, left to sit in the sanctuary and enjoy the sermon. *sigh*

Fifteen minutes passed before I was tapped on the shoulder by the frantic RE director. I say frantic, although she was doing a wonderful job of containing her franticness. I immediately knew what was up. "Is Coley having trouble?" She said nothing, and led me out of the room and into someone's office, where Coley was crying and screaming obscenities and blasphemies and the nice lady who was there (Actually, I just added that part for effect, but he DID say that he "HATES THIS CHURCH AND EVERYONE IN IT!!!!!")

And I held him. I did. I felt bad for him. But, I mean, the child is FIVE. When the hell is mama ever going to get a fucking break? I rocked him, I held him, I tried to make him laugh. Nothing worked, so I brought him out into the hallway in hopes that Monk's class was over early. No such luck...and, to be honest, I did not want to pull Monk out of his class to appease Coley's moodiness. We have been living under the tyranny of Cole for almost 5 years now. When will it end? When will it freaking end?

So I sat with him in the foyer to see if I could at least catch the end of the sermon on the monitor. Coley resorted to hitting me. I talked to him in my calmest stern voice. I explained to him that I was feeling very frustrated with his behavior. That he is a part of a family, and that his needs were important, but that he had several choices and he was choosing to be upset and angry about all of them. That I wasn't going to allow his moodswings to dictate whether or not Monk got to have a good time, and that I was feeling frustrated that his moodiness was interfering with my ability to enjoy myself.

I'm not sure what sinks in with him. He's such a sweet kiddo, but he's also extremely stubborn. Once he decides he's going to force an issue, he will not relent. And he was relentless in his pissiness today. Being his mama is so so so fucking hard sometimes. Being the mama of ANY four year old is hard, but Coley...he's something else. Sweet as fucking honey one minute, and then blisteringly evil the next. I love that child dearly, but there are days that we have 20 stand-offs before noon, and I'm like "Terrible Twos, my ass!"

So, we're sitting in the chair, and I'm telling coley that I will not let him hit me. And then I get tired of worrying about the silent stares of the people around me (which of course, I perceive to be judgmental whether they are or not - because when you are dealing with a cranky four-year-old, it feels like everyone thinks you are the one to blame.) - so I move off to the hallway outside of Monk's classroom, where coley lays on the floor and bangs his head into the window while I clench my teeth and try not to say anything. He says he wants to go into the nursery and play with the toys, but he WON'T be nice to the other kids. I say "Well, I can't let you go into the nursery if you insist that you aren't going to be nice. You are just going to have to stand out here with me." The RE director walks by and gives me a sympathetic look, and then some of the kids from the class start to filter out. A man who was in Coley's class with his daughter walks down the hall and a woman greets him.

"How was class?" She asks

He eyes me and the demon spawn and says in a clipped tone "Now is not the appropriate time to discuss this."

I shrink down and wait for Monk, who exits the room all smiles. The RE director walks by again and says "SOMEONE had a good time!" And I manage to laugh, but I'm thinking "Lord Help Me, I'm going to NEED religion now."

Barack Obama on Katrina, Race, Poverty.

September 11, 2005

This man is so freaking brilliant. He's not just a great public speaker; he's an artist.

Maher: God to Bush, "Take a Hint."

September 10, 2005

One of the best commentaries I have heard, and that says a lot.

Hurricane WHO, now?

September 9, 2005

Jesus Christ, Laura Bush, even my CHILDREN know it's KUH-TREE-NUH.

This may seem like a silly little slip up, but I think it is really indicative of how very little thought is being put into this disaster at the level of the presidency. How can she NOT KNOW? How can she make that mistake TWICE?

It's a fucking disgrace.

Damned from All Sides.

September 9, 2005

Crooks and Liars

Peters: I've been a supporter of President Bush, but I just got to come back to the fact that this is a failure of leadership and I'll tell you I'm personally angry....and I don't want a president who is taking six week vacations anywhere when Americans are dying..whether they are dying in Iraq or LA.

Friday Random Ten - Stepping Away From The Computer Edition

September 9, 2005

Feministe - Friday Random Ten - The Substitute Teacher Edition

1. Tom Petty - It's good to be king
2. Portishead - Mourning Air
3. Fugazi - Ex-Spectator
4. Air - Dead Bodies
5. Minizza - Winning a Battle, Losing a War
6. Good Charlotte - My Bloody Valentine
7. Supertroopers - Thank Abba For the Music (Yes, it's a medley of ABBA covers.)
8. Nirvana w/Bikini Kill & Bratmobile - Justify
9. Buzzcocks - Sixteen Again
10. Bjork - Human Behavior

Bonus Track:

The Specials - Concrete Jungle

Posted at 9:34 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

I am this fucking close...

September 9, 2005

To posting links to "Black People Love Us" and "Rent-a-Negro" on the homeschool list*.

Last night, one ignorant racist fuck actually used faux ebonics to make a point. I keep thinking I need to just back away from the email, but the though of that kind of thing just hanging out there without any outrage following it just bothers me. I can't let that happen in my community. Yes, there will be racist fucks. No, I'm probably not going to change their minds by expressing outrage over their fuckheadedness. But I responded anyway. I said:

Oh, come ON.

So you folks are arguing about civility, and we still have people who are using faux-ebonics to illustrate their racist talking points.

I am worried about our future if your children are learning about race and culture from you people. Seriously. This is disgusting.

The fuckhead actually had the nerve to tell me I was attacking her, and that she just types that way when she's tired.

Right.

She types offensive shit IN FUCKING QUOTES when she's tired.

But her children learn about race and culture from all of her black friends, so I need to just mind my own business because *I'M* the one engaging in "personal attacks."

For fuck's sake.

*The thing that stops me is that 90% of the people just won't get it.

Posted at 8:36 AM • Comments (6) • TrackBack

This is Absolutely Heart-rending.

September 8, 2005

A Man and his dog.

Posted at 11:10 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Some good news about Monk's eyes.

September 8, 2005

We went to the eye doctor today and not only is the patching seeming to keep his vision from getting worse, but his vision is improving in the bad eye.

The doctor has informed us that we can slowly begin to taper off the patching between now and when he returns from his sabbatical in February, and then spend a month without patching in March before our next appointment, to see if his vision "slips."

We are hoping, of course, that it won't, and that we will be done with patching forever.

Yay!

Posted at 5:26 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Dear Homeschool Email List Racist Fuckwad,

September 8, 2005

Do you even HAVE children? I have been reading your snide, inflammatory posts directing me to editorial commentary on townhall.com and Lew Hatewell for the past 5 years, and I have not once seen a post from you even referencing children, education, or...anything.

Now you feel like it would be a good idea to bait people by posting links directing us to posts that question whether it's genetics or culture that make black people inferior to white people...and actually insisting on people engaging in objective debate with you? Fuckwad. There's no sense in debating reasonably about articles that have no basis in reason! Good fucking lord. The fucking articles you posted had less reality to them than the Onion links I posted on my blog yesterday.

Thanks to the rest of the people on the list for having the decency to just not respond to the second post after being labeled as "angry" for responding righteously angrily to the first. I'm not sending this email to the list, because I see no point in egging this asshole on...but I did need to vent about it.

Posted at 8:00 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Looking to The Onion

September 8, 2005

The Onion :

Louisiana National Guard Offers Help By Phone From Iraq

BAGHDAD—The 4,000 Louisiana National Guardsmen stationed in Iraq, representing over a third of the state's troops, called home this week to find out what, if any, help they could offer Katrina survivors from overseas. "The soldiers wanted to know if they could call 911 for anyone, or perhaps send some water via FedEx," said Louisiana National Guard spokesman Lt. Col. Pete Schneider. The Guardsmen also "would love to send generators, rations, and Black Hawk helicopters for rescue missions," but, said Schneider, "we desperately need these in Iraq to stay alive." Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld praised the phone support, but noted that it would take months to transfer any equipment from Iraq to New Orleans, saying, "You fight a national disaster with the equipment you have."

You know...I bet FedEx would have gotten it there quicker. And I'm not just saying that because I used to work for Kinko's.

Posted at 12:03 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Excellent Round Up

September 7, 2005

Cleis has an excellent round up, including this link to The Daily Show broadcast.

Posted at 11:50 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Ode to email kooks!

September 7, 2005

I had a lovely exchange via email today. I thought I'd share:

From: Kathryn Pollard [mailto:kathryn.pollard@optusnet.com.au] Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2005 7:43 AM To: drublood@mindspring.com Subject:

and so religious right wing homeshoolers is meant to be insulting.

Are you one of those people who get upset about people thinking in ways you consider right and proper?

How boring and ordinary

From: Drucilla Blood
To: 'Kathryn Pollard'
Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2005 10:48 PM
Subject: RE:

It’s meant to be descriptive, but usually the actions of those described tends to insult me and many I care about. There are exceptions, I am sure. I find that the exceptional religious right wing Homeschoolers tend to know EXACTLY what I am talking about when I use the term definitively.

I don’t consider it right OR proper to behave in the way that many of the right-wing Homeschoolers I encounter behave towards their fellow humans. So, no. I don’t get upset about people thinking in ways I consider “right or proper.”

Are you one of those people who get upset about people thinking in ways you consider “wrong and improper” but are actually more in line with what your God actually had in mind?

How hypocritical and disgusting.

Livelifelove
Lainie

From: Kathryn Pollard [mailto:kathryn.pollard@optusnet.com.au]
Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2005 8:44 AM
To: Drucilla Blood
Subject: Re: why you are insulted by homeschoolers

What do home schoolers do that you don't approve of?

I'm not into thinking I can know what other people are thinking. (which is funny, considering she assumed I was "one of those people who get upset about people thinking in ways [I] consider right and proper," among other things about me)

I didn't even talk about God so don't know what you mean.(It was meant to be a ridiculous assumption, based on your ridiculous assumption of me, you fucking moron) You don't even know me so I don't understand why it seems you are wanting to insult me. (Um, perhaps because you were totally fucking snide and condescending?)

You sound angry. I don't know much at all about home schoolers though I think it could be a good idea. Schools have only been around for relatively a short time. Learning used to be very much a part of life, rather then something that took place in a confined context with someone at the front of a classroom teaching what they want to teach in the way that they want to teach.

Cheer up

Maybe if I knew what home do that insults you I would understand.

Are you insulted by religious people like Christians and Muslims, Buddhists etc.

Are homeschoolers all into religions you don't like or find insulting?

K

From: Drucilla Blood
To: 'Kathryn Pollard'
Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2005 11:49 PM
Subject: RE: why you are insulted by homeschoolers

Kathryn—

I *AM* a homeschooler. I don’t even know where your email originated from, or what you were responding to, but if you were reading my blog you would see that most of my frustration is directed towards the right-wing Christians on my homeschool list who are giving charity and aid with their hands, while their mouths are spouting unbelievable bullshit about the victims they are helping.

And for fuck’s sake, so don’t pull the “you sound angry” and “cheer up” bullshit on me. Aren’t you a freaking feminist? (I did a little google search)You ought to know that those admonishments are loaded.

Good fucking lord.

Lainie

From: Kathryn Pollard [mailto:kathryn.pollard@optusnet.com.au] Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2005 4:00 PM To: Drucilla Blood Subject: Re: why you are insulted by homeschoolers

But Laine I think you need Help. Go see a shrink

you might be advised to look at yourself.

Maybe you are suffering from an increasingly common personality disorder called "malignant narcissism".

I do not belong to or identify with any groups - religious or social,

But cheers anyway.

Lifes a bliss

Kathryn

From: Drucilla Blood [mailto:drublood@mindspring.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2005 8:34 PM
To: 'Kathryn Pollard'
Subject: RE: why you are insulted by homeschoolers

Wow. You must be an amazing person to glean my psychological state from a few emails and a pseudonymous website.

Love you, too.

Lainie

*****

Note to other kooks reading this: If you are going to attempt to harass me via email:

A) Read the whole fucking blog. There's plenty of material there that I'm sure you can use, but at least get a sense of who I am before you make assumptions about who I'm trying to pick fights with.

B) Um, can the armchair pop-psychologist crap. Trust me. I know what crazy is. And, to break my own fucking rule (because I'm allowed to do that on my own fucking blog) after spending waaaaaaay too much time with my dysfunctional ex-spouse, I'm well-acquainted with the fine art of projection. In fact, this person's tactics are an awful lot like the ex's: Say something vaguely insulting, get the desired, pissed-off reaction, pretend to be offended by that reaction, get told to fuck off and leave me alone, fire back with accusations of how *I'M* imbalanced. Yeah. I know that cycle well.

and

C) Don't fucking tell me not to be fucking angry. I'll be as fucking angry as I want to be. Fuck you.

Hugs and kisses...

Lainie

Posted at 11:12 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

Just...fuck.

September 7, 2005

Believe it or not, I have to struggle to believe stuff like this. As much as I think Bush is an evil fuck, I just have a really hard time believing he is THAT fucking evil. Even when the facts bear it out.

Jesus, look at that picture, will you. The rolling of the sleeves...the frat-boy sneer...Ladies and gentlemen, our president.

And, by the way, is Dick Cheney DEAD or something? Where the Hell is he?

Posted at 11:08 PM • Comments (2) • TrackBack

More on the crime rumors

September 7, 2005

Reason: The Deadly Bigotry of Low Expectations?: Did the rumor mill help kill Katrina victims?

As Katrina wiped out New Orleans' communications infrastructure, and while key federal officials repeatedly expressed less knowledge than cable television reporters, panicky rumors quickly rushed in to fill the void. Many of them have shared the exact same theme—unspeakable urban ultra-violence, perpetuated by the overwhelmingly black population.

[via authentic replica]

Posted at 8:05 AM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

In Which I am a Comment Whore.

September 7, 2005

I have comments again. Please please please comment to let me know you care.

Extra special love and hugs to Adam and David and the other randomwalks folks for hosting me and being my generous techie gurus. thank you thank you thank you!

(I should add that I'm not sure how long I will have comments, considering in the 12 hours they have been available (unbeknownst to me) I have received 292 comment spams. Thanks to the new Movable Type interface, all but 10 of them were immediately put in the Junk folder.)

Posted at 1:01 AM • Comments (14) • TrackBack

His father is tall, and his mother is short.

September 7, 2005

He Held Their Lives in His Tiny Hands - Los Angeles Times

In the chaos that was Causeway Boulevard, this group of refugees stood out: a 6-year-old boy walking down the road, holding a 5-month-old, surrounded by five toddlers who followed him around as if he were their leader.

They were holding hands. Three of the children were about 2 years old, and one was wearing only diapers. A 3-year-old girl, who wore colorful barrettes on the ends of her braids, had her 14-month-old brother in tow. The 6-year-old spoke for all of them, and he told rescuers his name was Deamonte Love.

You know...whenever I start to get all freaked out and worked up about all this shit. I just sigh and say to myself "Deamonte Love."

I want to pinch that child's cheeks, and hug his mama.

Posted at 12:14 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Barbara Bush and Chumbawamba

September 6, 2005

Barbara Bush's comment today about the "under-privileged" (complete with a fiendish fucking chuckle) made me think about this song by Chumbawamba:

III. COMMERCIAL BREAK

"I'm the wife of the Boss of the company
And I always make my husband answer to me
With what he says about the blacks, I totally agree
The main problem is, they're not civilised, you see
Look at the way they squabble between themselves
Rioting at funerals - they'll surely go to hell
If you gave them nice houses, they'd only burn them down
(You don't get that in a white man's town).
And boycotting products won't do them any good
You see they need the trade to help buy food
And when I visit my niece on her beautiful homestead
The blacks who work for her seem realy quite content
So I'll agree with my husband 'Let things stay as they are'
That's always been his motto, and we've gone far.

And made me really want to listen to this record to sublimate some rage, except I'm sick to death that an album that was produced, what...almost TWENTY fucking years ago to expose ideas about how capitalism is inherently racist and classist and exploitative of other cultures is still fucking totally valid today. And not only is it VALID, but it's not even something that we can point to as happening "over there" in a "third world country." It's happening right fucking here. Thus the term "refugees" being used to refer to the hurricane survivors (I'm sure I even used the term at first, before I realized how fucking horrifying it actually was).

Dude. That's just fucked up.

You know...I'm really starting to understand why fucking right-wing Christians don't believe in evolution. It's because they fucking refuse to EVOLVE. Can we, as a society, MOVE FORWARD please.

Also, can I just say that I really fucking miss Aaron Hawkins. Damn I miss Aaron Hawkins right now. So much.

Posted at 11:19 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Right. Fucking. On.

September 6, 2005

Tampabay: Veterans group denied access to schools

TAMPA - William Hines wants the same access to high school students as military recruiters.

The 74-year-old Korean War veteran wants to sit with the teens and tell them the other side of Uncle Sam's story, the one he says crisp-uniformed recruiters don't usually talk about.

"The No. 1 goal in the military is combat. You can be killed," says Hines, a former Air Force recruiter and New Jersey school board member who lives in Tampa's Town 'N Country neighborhood. "Instead, kids hear, "You could go to Hawaii or you could get a free college education.' "

So far, Hines has been unable to share his message.

Why the fuck not?

Posted at 10:57 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

I am definitely up for a buycott

September 6, 2005

P6 is spot on to suggest a reverse boycott of Kanye West. As soon as I have two coins to rub together, I'm tossing them at the locally owned music store.

A commentor linked to the August 29th issue of Time, on the cover of which Mr. West was lauded as a "class act" and perhaps the "smartest guy in show business."

For once, Time Magazine gets it right.

Posted at 10:52 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

I woke up this morning in a cold sweat...

September 6, 2005

...wondering "Where the hell is Dick Cheney?"

The 'city' of Louisiana - Bloggermann - MSNBC.com

Mr. Bush has now twice insisted that, "we are not satisfied," with the response to the manifold tragedies along the Gulf Coast. I wonder which "we" he thinks he's speaking for on this point. Perhaps it's the administration, although we still don't know where some of them are. Anybody seen the Vice President lately? The man whose message this time last year was, 'I'll Protect You, The Other Guy Will Let You Die'? I don't know which 'we' Mr. Bush meant.

Posted at 11:46 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

It's stating the obvious, but still...it needs to be stated, and stated again.

September 6, 2005

Paul Krugman - Killed by Contempt:

You might have expected the administration to reconsider its hostility to emergency preparedness after 9/11 - after all, emergency management is as important in the aftermath of a terrorist attack as it is following a natural disaster. As many people have noticed, the failed response to Katrina shows that we are less ready to cope with a terrorist attack today than we were four years ago.

I don't get why the right doesn't seem to be seeing that we are horribly unprepared for ANY sort of disaster or tragedy.

Posted at 9:26 AM • TrackBack

Cole's Vocabulary.

September 5, 2005

I brought Coley a glass of water in bed, and he said:

Remember that time that I...One I was Successful at drinking water while laying down.

What 4-year old uses successful instead of "I did this"?

Evidently my 4-year old does.

Nerd-a-riffic!

In other nerdy news, I scored a complete History of the World kit for 20 bux last week. I brought it home and got Monk all jazzed about it. I was excited, too. History was my least favorite subject in school growing up, so I'm always excited to relearn history through the cool texts that we find at the library and among the homeschooling community. So I am really looking forward to reading this series of books WITH Monk. The next morning, I slept in a bit. When I woke up, Monk had done a bunch of his "homework" AND, he said..."I read the first 56 pages of "History of the World!"

grumble grumble grumble.

Posted at 10:33 PM • TrackBack

My babies will be home soon

September 5, 2005

The boys will be home from a weekend with their papa soon. I feel gross, and I don't know if I'm sick or if I'm just worn out from the news and all of the conversations I've been having about poverty and "personal responsibility" and our fucked up mess of a society.

But I will receive the boys warmly. It will be good to have them with me again. L has had them every weekend for the past 6 weeks, and I'm ready for some extended kiddo time next weekend where we can just relax and be a family together without having to be anywhere.

I don't have any energy left right now to talk about or think about or read about Katrina or New Orleans or anything else. I'm fortunate that I can take a break. I am probably going to make some collard greens and soup and play Slamwich with Monk until my hand hurts and we all have stomach aches from laughing at each other. Maybe I'll even let him kick my ass in chess.

Posted at 5:42 PM • TrackBack

Katrina Aggregation

September 5, 2005

Crooks and Liars is the best site I've found for all of those videos of politicians dancing around the issues, and news reporters actually doing their jobs of asking really good questions...and bursting into tears.

Posted at 8:29 AM • TrackBack

More Fun Debates with Conservatives and Libertarians

September 4, 2005

The conversation on the homeschooling list has moved on to poverty, in general. I posted the essay on "being poor" yesterday, and my least favorite list member responded that poverty is a choice. This caused a few people to relate their tales of how they lifted themselves out of poverty to become the successful people they are today (one of whom said that my post, in itself, was offensive), and caused at least one person to note the offensiveness in the idea that poverty is a choice.

This last idea caused my least favorite person to respond in an exasperated tone "Don't you people know ANYONE who CHOSE to be poor?" and basically went on to talk about how we must all be perfect and never make mistakes that land us in the poorhouse. And how we haven't even begun to discuss how difficult it is to teach children the values of the protestant work ethic.

I responded:

Your implication is that people who are NOT poor have made fewer mistakes than people who ARE poor. That's not only patently offensive, it's a totally erroneous assumption.

George W. Bush had several failed businesses, AND he was an alcoholic. The man is wealthy beyond belief.

The fact is that, in our country, there are certain people who are not allowed to make mistakes and "wrong choices" without suffering the consequences, and there are people who are given a multitude of chances to correct their mistakes. Mostly, money follows money. And money excuses a lot of mistakes and bad behavior.

My children are taught that thrift, diligence, foresight, forbearance, charity, sobriety, etc. etc. are admirable qualities that many humans - rich and poor - possess. They are taught that sloth, greed, insolence, insobriety, etc. etc. are also qualities that many humans - rich and poor - possess.

The people I know who live in poverty have both bad and good qualities, like just about everyone.

The other day, my 8-year old told me he knew why poor people committed crimes...his answer was because they needed things that other people had. We discussed that there was some validity to that, however there is an element of society, rich and poor, who commit crimes for known and unknown reasons that have nothing to do with need. Think Enron. Think, oh, all sorts of corporate crime.

I think the person who said you can't judge rich or poor people..."That knife cuts both ways." Was correct. But the knife cuts both ways in multiple directions.

Livelifelove
Lainie

Not bad for first thing in the morning, I think. Notice how I managed to restrain myself from saying that George Bush was a "coke-snorting alcoholic" and truncated it to just alcoholic. And no cuss words!

Posted at 7:14 AM • TrackBack

Chief Justice Rehnquist has died.

September 3, 2005

Chief Justice Rehnquist dies at home - Boston.com

Posted at 10:25 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Watch it.

September 3, 2005

Crooks and Liars

"I hate the way they portray us in the media. "If you see a black family it says they are looting if you see a white family it says they are looking for food.

"We already realize a lot of the people that could help are at war now fighting another way and they’ve given them permission to go down and shoot us."

"George Bush doesn't care about black people."

The transcript doesn't do it justice. Again...it's the emotion in his voice, and the expression on the face of Mike Myers.

Seriously, I wonder. Is Bush TRYING to start a race/class war?

Oh, by the way...it was censored.

I suppose it is profane to call bullshit on Bush's own obscene inaction.

[link via Tennessee Guerilla Women]

Posted at 10:10 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Another Must Read.

September 3, 2005

more on getting public assistance | media girl (mediagirl.org)

The next time some conservative lashes out on *welfare*, the catch-all phrase for public assistance of any kind, you have my permission to punch them in the face.

See Also: How to Get Food Stamps

Posted at 9:59 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Being Poor

September 3, 2005

Read it.

[via Pen-Elayne]

Posted at 9:49 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

More Resources from Zagg

September 3, 2005

(from a forwarded email)

Here's a great list of potential places to donate time/money to.

By popular demand, here's a compiled list of places to send help -- targeting organizations that serve, and are accountable to, low-income people and people of color. PLEASE encourage people who are getting ready to fork out to the red cross to donate here instead/too. (would be helpful if someone could post a little blurb explaining why not to give to the red cross in these situations...can anyone write that up?)

and maybe mark your calendars for 3 months from now to ask again -- is help still forthcoming, and who's getting it?
-----------

Direct donations to CHARITY HOSPITAL:
"They are an enormous provider of services for people with HIV and AIDS, and have been providing services to the public who can't afford private health care for decades. they are amazing and need help. not exactly a small local org - for that you might give to NO AIDS task force... "
************
ACORN: Baton Rouge office: (225) 930-6385. If you can't reach them, you can try the NY office: 718-246-7900.
************
LOW-INCOME COMMUNITIES ORGANIZING THEMSELVES:
As you know, New Orleans has been devastated by Hurricane Katrina. At last report over 80% of the city was flooded and water was still rising. As we listen to the news reports we wonder what we can do to help. Families in New Orleans are in desperate need of help. DAWG is raising money to help the *Louisiana Welfare Rights Organization(WRO)* help low-income families in New Orleans recover from Katrina. WRO is located in New Orleans, Louisiana and is one of the oldest still operating welfare rights/advocacy organizations. Among the services provided by WRO are job training and low income
housing apartments that are both located in New Orleans.

Please help us help low-income families in New Orleans by sending a
contribution to DAWG's WRO Fund. /Donations are tax deductible/. *Send a check payable to _DAWG_ to*
*WRO Fund*
*c/o DAWG*
*PO Box 20079*
*Charleston, WV 25362*
(304) 347-9222
www.geocities.com/itsdadawg

The Direct Action Welfare Group (D.A.W.G.) is a group comprised of current and former TANF recipients and concerned individuals who come together to share information and ideas and to advocate for each other, their neighbors, and themselves. Through a unified voice people living in poverty will be heard. Our purpose is to promote social justice and to empower former and current public assistance recipients and persons living in poverty by providing them with the knowledge, and the tools to change their lives.
***************
DIRECT ACTION TO BRING RELIEF SUPPLIES:
The Malcolm X Grassroots Movement is sponsoring a FOOD & CLOTHING DRIVE!
Our people in the South need our help. We cannot wait for or assume
Red Cross will take care of our people. There are thousands of refugees from New orleans in HOUSTON, TX. Several Black large Black
Churches have opened their doors to displaced people.

Here is a list of things NEEDED TODAY:

• TOWELS
  
• SHEETS AND LINENS
  
• DIAPERS
  
• WATER
  
• TOOTH BRUSHES
  
• TOOTH PASTE
  
• SOAP
  
• AIR MATTRESSES
  

-WE ALSO NEED MONETARY DONATIONS TO SHIP OUT THESE GOODS
BRING ALL DONATED GOODS TO:
THE MALCOLM X GRASSROOTS MOVEMENT
388 ATLANTIC AVENUE, 4TH FL. BETWEEN HOYT AND BOND ST. (718) 254-8800

FOR FOLKS IN THE BRONX AND UPTOWN PLS CONTACT NYOKA AT 917-609-4323.
I WILL BE COLLECTING DONATIONS UP HERE.

FORWARD THIS WIDE AND FAR!!!!!!!!!!

FREE 'EM ALL.
Twenty six years of freedom! Hands Off Assata!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
LOCALLY-ORGANIZED GRASSROOTS RELIEF WORK:
BlackAmericaWeb.com Relief Fund
PO Box 803209
Dallas, TX 75240
OR you can make an online donation by going to
www.blackamericaweb.com/relief This fund has been set up by nationally syndicated radio personality TOM JOYNER

NAACP Disaster Relief Efforts
The NAACP is setting up command centers in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama as part of its disaster relief efforts. NAACP units across the nation have begun collecting resources that will be placed on trucks and sent directly into the disaster areas. Also, the NAACP has established a disaster relief fund to accept monetary donations to aid in the relief effort.

Checks can be sent to the NAACP payable to
NAACP Hurricane Katrina Relief Fund
4805 Mt. Hope Drive
Baltimore, MD 21215
Donations can also be made online at
www.naacp.org/disaster/contribute.php
FYI, the NAACP, founded in 1909, is America's oldest civil rights organization

www.teamrescueone.com
Set up by native New Orleans rapper Master P and his wife Sonya Miller

You can mail or ship non perishable items to these following locations, which we have confirmed are REALLY delivering services to folks in need.
Center for LIFE Outreach Center
121 Saint Landry Street
Lafayette, LA 70506
atten.: Minister Pamela Robinson
337-504-5374

Mohammad Mosque 65
2600 Plank Road
Baton Rouge, LA 70805
atten.: Minister Andrew Muhammad
225-923-1400
225-357-3079

Lewis Temple CME Church
272 Medgar Evers Street
Grambling, LA 71245
atten.: Rev. Dr. Ricky Helton
318-247-3793

St. Luke Community United Methodist Church
c/o Hurricane Katrina Victims
5710 East R.L. Thornton Freeway
Dallas, TX 75223
atten.: Pastor Tom Waitschies
214-821-2970

S.H.A.P.E. Community Center
3815 Live Oak
Houston, Texas 77004
atten.: Deloyd Parker
713-521-0641

**************

MORE DIRECT ACTION/SUPPLY TRIP:
Infoshop.org collective member, Jamie "Bork" Loughner, has decided to go to the Gulf Coast from Washington, DC with supplies for the people affected by Hurricane Katrina. Her trip will be sponsored by Infoshop News and Mayday DC. She is making travel arrangements at
this point. Bork is talking about buying water filters at part of
the supplies she is taking down. She will also be doing reporting on the situation for Indymedia and Infoshop News.

Is anybody from Asheville, NC reading this? Bork says that she heard about an activist caravan being organized there.

We are also looking for people who can help along the way, providing an overnight place to crash, for example. We've already had one offer from somebody living in Alabama.

People can read more and help out by going to Infoshop News

Finally, I'm creating a page on Infoshop.org on what anarchist and anti-authoritarians are doing for relief projects. The URL for that page will be: http://www.infoshop.org/hurricanekatrina.html

Chuck Munson
Infoshop.org

Posted at 9:10 AM • TrackBack

Notes from inside New Orleans

September 3, 2005

The email said "please forward" so I'm hoping it's ok that I post:

Thanks to all the loved ones and long-lost friends for your sweet notes of concern, offers of housing and support, etc. Yes, I stayed through the storm and aftermath. I'm fine - much better off than most of my brother and sister hurricane survivors. Below is my attempt to relay some of what I've seen these last few days.

Please Forward

Notes From Inside New Orleans
by Jordan Flaherty
Friday, September 2, 2005
I just left New Orleans a couple hours ago. I traveled from the apartment I was staying in by boat to a helicopter to a refugee camp. If anyone wants to examine the attitude of federal and state officials towards the victims of hurricane Katrina, I advise you to visit one of the refugee camps.

In the refugee camp I just left, on the I-10 freeway near Causeway, thousands of people (at least 90% black and poor) stood and squatted in mud and trash behind metal barricades, under an unforgiving sun, with heavily armed soldiers standing guard over them. When a bus would come through, it would stop at a random spot, state police would open a gap in one of the barricades, and people would rush for the bus, with no information given about where the bus was going. Once inside (we were told) evacuees would be told where the bus was taking them - Baton Rouge, Houston, Arkansas, Dallas, or other locations. I was told that if you boarded a bus bound for Arkansas (for example), even people with family and a place to stay in Baton Rouge would not be allowed to get out of the bus as it passed through Baton Rouge. You had no choice but to go to the shelter in Arkansas.
If you had people willing to come to New Orleans to pick you up, they could not come within 17 miles of the camp.

I traveled throughout the camp and spoke to Red Cross workers, Salvation Army workers, National Guard, and state police, and although they were friendly, no one could give me any details on when buses would arrive, how many, where they would go to, or any other information. I spoke to the several teams of journalists nearby, and asked if any of them had been able to get any information from any federal or state officials on any of these questions, and all of them, from Australian tv to local Fox affiliates complained of an unorganized, non-communicative, mess. One cameraman told me "as someone who's been here in this camp for two days, the only information I can give you is this: get out by nightfall. You don't want to be here at night."

There was also no visible attempt by any of those running the camp to set up any sort of transparent and consistent system, for instance a line to get on buses, a way to register contact information or find family members, special needs services for children and infirm, phone services, treatment for possible disease exposure, nor even a single trash can.

To understand this tragedy, its important to look at New Orleans itself.

For those who have not lived in New Orleans, you have missed a incredible, glorious, vital, city. A place with a culture and energy unlike anywhere else in the world. A 70% African-American city where resistance to white supremecy has supported a generous, subversive and unique culture of vivid beauty. From jazz, blues and hiphop, to secondlines, Mardi Gras Indians, Parades, Beads, Jazz Funerals, and red beans and rice on Monday nights, New Orleans is a place of art and music and dance and sexuality and liberation unlike anywhere else in the world.

It is a city of kindness and hospitality, where walking down the block can take two hours because you stop and talk to someone on every porch, and where a community pulls together when someone is in need. It is a city of extended families and social networks filling the gaps left by city, state and federal goverments that have abdicated their responsibilty for the public welfare. It is a city where someone you walk past on the street not only asks how you are, they wait for an answer.

It is also a city of exploitation and segregation and fear. The city of New Orleans has a population of just over 500,000 and was expecting 300 murders this year, most of them centered on just a few, overwhelmingly black, neighborhoods. Police have been quoted as saying that they don't need to search out the perpetrators, because usually a few days after a shooting, the attacker is shot in revenge.

There is an atmosphere of intense hostility and distrust between much of Black New Orleans and the N.O. Police Department. In recent months, officers have been accused of everything from drug running to corruption to theft. In seperate incidents, two New Orleans police officers were recently charged with rape (while in uniform), and there have been several high profile police killings of unarmed youth, including the murder of Jenard Thomas, which has inspired ongoing weekly protests for several months.

The city has a 40% illiteracy rate, and over 50% of black ninth graders will not graduate in four years. Louisiana spends on average $4,724 per child's education and ranks 48th in the country for lowest teacher salaries. The equivalent of more than two classrooms of young people drop out of Louisiana schools every day and about 50,000 students are absent from school on any given day. Far too many young black men from New Orleans end up enslaved in Angola Prison, a former slave plantation where inmates still do manual farm labor, and over 90% of inmates eventually die in the prison. It is a city where industry has left, and most remaining jobs are are low-paying, transient, insecure jobs in the service economy.

Race has always been the undercurrent of Louisiana politics. This disaster is one that was constructed out of racism, neglect and incompetence. Hurricane Katrina was the inevitable spark igniting the gasoline of cruelty and corruption. From the neighborhoods left most at risk, to the treatment of the refugees to the the media portayal of the victims, this disaster is shaped by race.

Louisiana politics is famously corrupt, but with the tragedies of this week our political leaders have defined a new level of incompetence. As hurricane Katrina approached, our Governor urged us to "Pray the hurricane down" to a level two. Trapped in a building two days after the hurricane, we tuned our battery-operated radio into local radio and tv stations, hoping for vital news, and were told that our governor had called for a day of prayer. As rumors and panic began to rule, they was no source of solid dependable information. Tuesday night, politicians and reporters said the water level would rise another 12 feet - instead it stabilized. Rumors spread like wildfire, and the politicians and media only made it worse.

While the rich escaped New Orleans, those with nowhere to go and no way to get there were left behind. Adding salt to the wound, the local and national media have spent the last week demonizing those left behind. As someone that loves New Orleans and the people in it, this is the part of this tragedy that hurts me the most, and it hurts me deeply.

No sane person should classify someone who takes food from indefinitely closed stores in a desperate, starving city as a "looter," but thats just what the media did over and over again. Sherrifs and politicians talked of having troops protect stores instead of perform rescue operations.

Images of New Orleans' hurricane-ravaged population were transformed into black, out-of-control, criminals. As if taking a stereo from a store that will clearly be insured against loss is a greater crime than the governmental neglect and incompetence that did billions of dollars of damage and destroyed a city. This media focus is a tactic, just as the eighties focus on "welfare queens" and "super-predators" obscured the simultaneous and much larger crimes of the Savings and Loan scams and mass layoffs, the hyper-exploited people of New Orleans are being used as a scapegoat to cover up much larger crimes.

City, state and national politicians are the real criminals here.
Since at least the mid-1800s, its been widely known the danger faced by flooding to New Orleans. The flood of 1927, which, like this week's events, was more about politics and racism than any kind of natural disaster, illustrated exactly the danger faced. Yet government officials have consistently refused to spend the money to protect this poor, overwhelmingly black, city. While FEMA and others warned of the urgent impending danger to New Orleans and put forward proposals for funding to reinforce and protect the city, the Bush administration, in every year since 2001, has cut or refused to fund New Orleans flood control, and ignored scientists warnings of increased hurricanes as a result of global warming. And, as the dangers rose with the floodlines, the lack of coordinated response dramatized vividly the callous disregard of our elected leaders.

The aftermath from the 1927 flood helped shape the elections of both a US President and a Governor, and ushered in the southern populist politics of Huey Long.

In the coming months, billions of dollars will likely flood into New Orleans. This money can either be spent to usher in a "New Deal" for the city, with public investment, creation of stable union jobs, new schools, cultural programs and housing restoration, or the city can be "rebuilt and revitalized" to a shell of its former self, with newer hotels, more casinos, and with chain stores and theme parks replacing the former neighborhoods, cultural centers and corner jazz clubs.

Long before Katrina, New Orleans was hit by a hurricane of poverty, racism, disinvestment, de-industrialization and corruption. Simply the damage from this pre-Katrina hurricane will take billions to repair.

Now that the money is flowing in, and the world's eyes are focused on Katrina, its vital that progressive-minded people take this opportunity to fight for a rebuilding with justice. New Orleans is a special place, and we need to fight for its rebirth.

-----------------------------------------------
Jordan Flaherty is an editor of Left Turn Magazine (www.leftturn.org).

-----------------------------------------------

Below are some small, grassroots and New Orleans-based resources, organizations and institutions that will need your support in the coming months.

Social Justice:
www.jjpl.org
www.iftheycanlearn.org
www.nolaps.org
www.thepeoplesinstitute.org/
www.criticalresistance.org/index.php?name=crno_home

Cultural Resources:
www.backstreetculturalmuseum.com
www.ashecac.org/
http://198.66.50.128/gallery/
www.nolahumanrights.org
http://www.freewebs.com/ironrail/
http://www.girlgangproductions.com/

Current Info and Resources:
http://neworleans.craigslist.org/about/help/katrina_cl.html

[courtesy of (my hero) Zagg.]

Posted at 8:56 AM • TrackBack

Explaining Tragedy to Children

September 3, 2005

Snakehaired girl pointed to this plea for help:

no, really. i'm serious. what would/do you say to your kids? save the children put out a press release some pragmatic advice such as "turn off the television" and "give children reassurance and psychological first-aid", but it seems like that sort of advice will only suffice for kids up to a certain age and at some point you're going to have to answer some pretty tough questions.

First, I appreciate SHG's kind words about me in her pointer. I dunno that I have answers, but I can tell you what I have done.

Mostly, it's about honesty...and being conscious about age-appropriateness and listening to the limits they are setting. Pansy and I had a long discussion when I came to pick my kids up from her on Tuesday night. She has family in the New Orleans area, and she talked about how she hadn't heard from them yet, but that she was confident that she would. I could not tell (and there was no fucking way I was going to ask) if she really was confident, or if she just didn't want to put too much stress on the children. I felt like, either way, it was a good strategy to project confidence.

It was during this conversation that Monk inquired about L's family. I'm not sure if it was because I mentioned that they lived in that area, or if he just remembered. But I told Monk I would email L (still don't have a phone number!) and let him know we were thinking about him & find out if everyone is OK (he responded to this email of sincere concern, by the way, by saying "I hope you feel better now." Um...bitter much? I wondered if that's what he wanted me to ask Monk...or if maybe it was just directed at me. I decided to ignore it.)

At any rate, we don't watch a lot of TV around here, and I really am glad for that during these crises, because I think the visual imagery is too much for the kids. They really tend to get broken up about the audio and the stories. Video seems like overkill. They are pretty sensitive, I think, compared to more media-exposed kids.

We also had a few conversations about other countries who are helping, or who would like to help. I managed to talk to Monk a little bit about socialism vs. capitalism when we stopped to get some "revolutionary gas" at Citgo. I do want them to understand the disparity and the despair, but I don't think at this point it's such a good idea to dwell on it. Plus I would much rather he come to his own conclusions about politics without my direct influence. Of course, I always try to point out flaws in their language/logic which are directly derived from class and race constructs. I'm not alway successful, but I do try.

We really didn't discuss anything about the hurricane again in-depth until Friday morning when I first saw the video of the convention center. I woke up early to do some newsreading and writing, and I saw the video, and I just burst into tears.

The kids woke up and came into my office. Coley said "I think you need some love, mama." And they both hugged me. I hugged them extra hard. The video was still playing, and it was so disturbing to them that they asked me to turn it off. I did. I think at one point I pointed at the screen and said "They haven't had anything to eat or drink for FOUR DAYS."

I don't think I needed to say anything else. Later in the morning, though, I was folding clothes and watching Morning News Shows when George Bush came on with his little press conference deal. I think I yelled at the television a little louder than I intended. The boys were in the office playing computer games, but Coley ran in, looking startled.

I told him that I wasn't yelling at him, that I was yelling at the president. He hugged me again, and I told him that when he grows up I want him to be a better man than the president. He said OK...but that he was going to be a soldier. I told him that soldiers are trying to help people, too. The coast guard, for instance. That might be something he could pursue!

Still later in the day, Coley talked about wanting to become president so he could "ban George Bush." Monk and I were like "I suppose it's possible W could still be president when Coley grows up...but we hope not."

I asked Monk in the afternoon whether he would mind if we opened our home up to take in a Katrina refugee, and he was pretty excited about the idea. We'll see if that pans out. It's not exactly palacial here.

So, yeah. I guess I'm not sure I'm in a position to tell ANYONE how to talk to their children. I think the visual imagery is a bad idea. I think showing honest emotion is a good thing, but I also think it's important to express hope, and to point out the ways in which people are helping.

I talk about Monk mostly, because Coley really doesn't get it (in case that's not blatant.) I don't think kids are really capable of empathy until they are at least 7 or 8...and even then, their own needs tend to win out. I mean, Coley is capable of empathy to the extent that he says stuff like "you need love." But I think in those cases, it's more that seeing me upset makes HIM feel like HE needs a hug. Which is sweet. I'm thankful that he knows how to get reassurance, one way or another.

We also spent much of the day yesterday hanging out and playing card games. My hand hurts from the 5 or 6 rounds of "Slamwich."

So, that's about it. Any other suggestions?

Posted at 8:48 AM • TrackBack

The Thin Veneer (or, Adventures in dealing with religious right-wing homeschoolers)

September 3, 2005

WARNING: This is a very self-congratulatory post, but I guess that's what blogs are all about.

I spent a good portion of the day yesterday firing off emails to the state-wide Texas homeschool email list. I was irritated with a glib response someone made to the Nagin interview, so my initial email went like this:

Shut the **** up, M.E. Nowhere in the entire interview did he say that. You took the most human/honest interview any of us are likely to ever hear a politician give in our lifetime and distilled it down to a dishonest assertion of your same old political rhetoric.

Granted, I realize that at the end of the day, Mr. Nagil is just a politician. I expected to have to end up admitting that. I expected that the conversation would turn towards apologism towards the republican regime in this country. And it did. The initiator of the conversation and his henchman were pissed about the fact that their Republican Regime was being blamed by Nagin. I responded to their bleetings:

You two are unbelievable. We are talking about the MAYOR of a city, who has had to make the choice between committing all of his security forces to rescuing people who are standing neck deep in water IN THEIR ATTICS and policing the looters. This is not a local problem, nor were/are the structural integrity of the levees a local problem.

The port in New Orleans is the FIFTH LARGEST PORT in the world. This is a port that is absolutely essential to our country. Are you telling me that the president doesn't have a vested interest in maintaining the integrity of this port? That's utter bullshit. People have, FOR YEARS been talking about the fact that these levees cannot withstand a serious hurricane. Federal funding for repairing them was CUT.

Now people are dying. The port is closed. PEOPLE ARE STARVING TO DEATH AND DYING OF DEHYDRATION. Yes, it's the mayor's job to help restore order. I'm seeing that he is doing a damn good job of that. I'm seeing that there are others who are not. There are others who could have foreseen this and could have minimized the effects.

Are you even reading the news? I don't get why anyone is invested in protecting the freaking president for criticism about this. He has majorly screwed up, here. That he's not the only one who screwed up doesn't really matter...he's the freaking commander-in-chief, already. The fact that this is so screwed up reflects on our entire nation...and the fact that we can't save people after a hurrcane doesn't exactly make it look like we can defend ourselves from, much less withstand, any sort of terrorist attack.

http://www.tpmcafe.com/story/2005/8/30/212451/290 (for information on the history of federal cuts to work on the levees)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9160710/ (for some insight into why so many of us are so angry about this.)

Get real,

lainie

There were the requisite "Why are you even arguing about this!" posts, and then someone claimed the Nagin was speaking for God when he said that God was watching and would judge. I responded:

It's not so much a matter of placing blame as in holding people accountable and instigating action, which is exactly what I believe Mr. Nagin was trying to do.

[...]

That's funny. As a non-christian, I read it as him refusing to place judgment on people and, instead, doing what good Christians do and leaving the judgment to god.

He doesn't say "George Bush is going to Hell." He says "if they are not doing everything in their power to save people..."

That sounds pretty reasonable. We all have different degrees of power, do we not? The only difference between my belief and Mayor Nagin is that I believe people should be judged in this lifetime. I judge Mr. Bush rather harshly for this.

Livelifelove
Lainie

They like to whip out that "speaking for God" shit whenever someone who is not a rabidly religious republican mentions God's name.

Then...it started. Little hints of "personal responsibility" on the part of the citizens of New Orleans began to seep into the conversation. It started innocently enough, with one or two people saying that the citizens should have been more vocal in their demands for shoring up the levees. One woman claimed she "knew" why people weren't leaving...it was because "they" have a laissez faire attitude about these things, that's why. And she had the authority to state this because she once lived there, and "they" have known for more than a century that this was going to happen. I was starting to fear that outright victim blaming was soon to follow.

(more below the fold...this goes on and on)

I tried to stop it:

I know people in New Orleans, too. All of them left, because they had the means. It looks to me (and this assumption has been confirmed all over the news) like the people who stayed did not have the means to leave. It had nothing to do with a "laissez faire attitude." It has to do with abject poverty.

I appreciate what you are saying here, but I think it's absolutely unacceptable for anyone to claim that the victims of this situation are to blame for their predicament. You are alluding to that fact, which I guess is your right. However, I don't feel that it's the right of the director of FEMA to use such loaded terms as "those who chose to stay." It is at best insensitive, and at worst places blame that should fall on the shoulders of those we pay to protect the citizens (from the police force on up to the president) squarely on the shoulders of the victims. I think that's bull.

Yes, I think there are many people to blame. I also feel like a system (economic and social) which allows people to live in abject poverty in the richest country in the world, and then leaves them to die while police guard boutiques in the French quarter is also, quite squarely, to blame.

Livelifelove
lainie

I figured I would distract them into an argument about socialism which would fizzle out quite quickly, and would spare me the agony of watching privileged (mostly white) folks engage in bullshit victim blaming. It didn't work. The next comment talked about "all of the busses that arrived in New Orleans" to take people to shelters. And how there was interview after interview after interview with people who confirmed they had stayed because they WANTED to, rather than they had to. Also, why was I so angry? I swallowed my disgust over the thought that someone would shove a fucking microphone in the face of a survivor and ask "So, why did you stay?" (knowing full well this woman was LYING OUT OF HER ASS.) but I was honestly curious about the bus after bus, because that's not at all what I had heard. So I responded:

I am not looking for someone to blame. I am tired of poor people being blamed because our elected officials refuse to take responsibility.

Aside from not having the means, if all I had was a house and my choice was to leave and not have something to come home to or "ride it out" and stand by the only thing of value that I have, I cannot say that I wouldn't try to "ride it out."

There's more to it than what some of us perceive as a simple decision.

And please do tell me about the buses that were bringing people to the shelters. I have not heard about the buses in all of my reading (which, of course, does not mean there weren't any.) Were these the shelters that were so poorly managed that people were raped and murdered and left without food and water there? And not only that, were not allowed to leave? That's not much of a choice at all.

I think it's disgusting how people are jumping on people for blaming the government, but allowing other people to blame the people who have lost EVERYTHING.

You are damn right I am angry. I am angry that I'm sitting here in my office in front of my computer trying to brainstorm what I can do with the 50 dollars and quarter tank of gas I have to my name right now...and that no one seems to be doing anything to help the people down there who are starving to death and dying of thirst. And on top of that, people feel like they need to place blame on THEM.

You know, on second thought...anger doesn't even begin to cover it.

Livelifelove
Lainie

The response to that was that I was "really crossing a line." And then it was all systems go on the victim blaming. This woman who I was arguing with. This woman who in other posts was organizing and finding ways to help the victims...then started talking about how "New Orleans is dangerous on a good day" and is filled with "violent criminals" and how I should call the shelthers in LA that had already taken in these people and find out for myself that "The folks there will tell you they have seen a sharp increase in violent crime since they have received their new guests and aren't happy about it at all. Yep, violent crime no matter how much they have been given to eat and drink and even being housed prior to the hurricane...isn't that interesting. And about how my dear victims were not all "sweet and innocent." Why, some of them even refused to go to shelters because they had warrants, and didn't want to be arrested! And, by the way, what was *I* doing, besides "spewing anger."

Hmmm...not sounding very Christian now. I was pissed. Pissed. Where to fucking begin? Now, granted, this is a homeschool list, so it's not exactly like people go there to have debates over political topics (HAHAHAHAHA - basically, the reality is that a few people start shit, usually having to do with either politics or religion, and then the list mom comes in and cuts off the conversation before anyone can resolve anything...if anything was ever resolvable). Basically, I was pretty much breaking all of the rules of decorum by being direct and using some cuss words. And I knew the conversation was about to be interrupted, so what was the point in even bringing up the racist/classest implications of the disparate crime rates.

Right.

A lot of people in power have a lot to gain by painting all or most of the poor people as violent criminals. I'm so sorry you have bought into that.
Have you SEEN the video of the convention center? Did you WATCH it? Did you HEAR the mayor cry about the situation? How can you condemn a man who is showing real human emotion. It's more than I have seen from ANY official in this time of crisis. I mean, a little humanity would go a long way towards dispelling my worst fear that really the people in power don't give two shits about the poor people and the people of color who are suffering the most right now.

I asked you to point me in the direction of the news report about the buses because I believe you, but I have not read anything of the sort. If there really was such a thing, I feel like I should know.

As for what I am doing. As I said, I have 50 dollars to my name until my next paycheck. I suppose that makes me a violent criminal, too. However, I have already placed my spare room on all of the housing lists I can find.
This is the spare room that I desperately need to rent out so I can try to recover from 3 years without child support, but I figure if I have hung in this long, I can wait a bit longer. I will be spending the weekend painting and volunteering for the red cross. So don't get all high and mighty on me.

I'm also doing my best to cull news reports and write about what is going on from various media sources. That's what I do. I'm an aggregator/agitator, of sorts.

And don't think I think any citizen on this list isn't doing the best that they can, either. I believe everyone is. However, I also believe that it's the job of our government to pull together the concerted effort that we as citizens do not have the resources to pull together.

Don't tell me not to spew anger at you. Trust me, you only get a small tiny iota of my anger. I reserve the rest for the people who truly deserve it. I just consider you to be a bit misguided and ignorant about the workings of our capitalist system...I have more pity than anger for you.

Livelifelove
lainie

Someone else chimed in by saying she was miffed that there were people who chose to stay in their homes for "lame" reasons, and now people were having to risk their lives to save them. The conversation drifted even more into the "They should have evacuated" realm. It didn't take long for them to go there. It really didn't. Someone even said "crap happens" (because you know you can't say SHIT...it makes the baby Jesus cry.) You know it was the first fucking thing on their minds. It fucking pisses me off:

None of us is in a position to judge why people "chose" to stay. None of us.

This is absolutely ridiculous.

Be miffed. They don't deserve to starve to death.

And even if you have the hubris to assume you can judge why people stayed....why would you condemn children to death for the choices of their parents?

None of this is anything but finger pointing and blame laying, which is, ironically, what everyone jumped all over me for.

Unfortunately, the only person who is not to be blamed are the government officials. I find this to be absolutely unacceptable.

I should point out that, even if you buy the "violent criminals" line (and I'm so, so sorry if you do.) We currently have many, many people putting their lives on the line to defend Iraqis from violent criminals.

I suppose it's not a "noble cause" if the people are chanting "Save Us!"
whenever a camera chances upon them.

Damn.

Livelifelove

Lainie

That "damn" really got me in trouble. I ACTUALLY was going to say godDAMN! But I refrained for the benefit of the sensitive people on the list. The response to this post was "My goodness you are angry and nasty" and some bullshit about how I am invalidating my point by using "cuss words." I was told I needed to "calm down." And that I was getting "too emotional." I missed it at the time, but someone actually validated the "New Orleans is crime-ridden" bullshit by saying something like "you aren't kidding! My mom and dad had to put me in private school & my dad worked two jobs to do it!" & the originator of the "violent criminal" argument told me that I needed to watch the crime rate of Houston (HOUSTON!) because, I would see, it was going to rise because of "these people." Watch the crime rate in Houston and then you will remember what people said. New Orleans was always violent and it still is. Utter classist/racist fucking bullshit. I was reminded once more that I was "angry" and "hateful" and that it was probably best that I not do any volunteer work because the last thing those refugees need is someone to incite them. Thankfully, I had received two really nice, supportive emails from the two other people on the list who saw through this bullshit. However, at this point, I had given up & I figured I might as well go all out on the cuss-o-meter:

If you aren't angry, there is something very wrong with you. I suspect it is because you have imposed an arbitrary distance between yourself and those who are affected.

And, clutch the motherfucking pearls. My goodness. I "cursed." Big fucking deal.

I suppose that puts me in the "violent criminal" class, as well.

I'm telling you that you are illustrating exactly what is wrong in New Orleans. It's the fact that we can so easily invalidate the experiences of other people by inventing dividing lines that have abso(fucking)lutely nothing to do with human worth.

I am very calm. I'm glad we are in agreement that we need to get them out. Now let's stop vilifying and demonizing the poor and hold our elected officials accountable, without excuses, shall we?

I'm out. I think you all need to examine why my anger is so startling. I started this morning by weeping over the videos. I don't understand why you are confused about some anger over this EGREGIOUS injustice.

Livelifelove
Lainie

Thus ended the arguments. The list mom shut it down, and I was happy to oblige. It was recommended that we instead discuss ways that we can help people. Great idea. Too bad their "God" doesn't seem to distinguish between condescending bullshit charity and actual charity of the heart and soul.

So, yeah...I know why people dislike homeschoolers so fucking much.

Posted at 7:12 AM • TrackBack

The Black Commentator ALWAYS nails it.

September 2, 2005

The Black Commentator - Radio BC Text: Will the ‘New’ New Orleans be Black? - September 2 2005

Some would say it is unseemly to speak of politics and race in the presence of a massive calamity that has destroyed the lives and prospects of so many people from all backgrounds. But I beg to differ. As we have witnessed, over and over again, the rich and powerful are very quick to reward themselves as soon as disaster presents the opportunity. Remember that within days of 9/11, the Bush regime executed a multi-billion dollar bailout for the airline industry. By the time you hear this commentary, they may have already used the New Orleans disaster to bail out the insurance industry — one of the richest businesses on the planet. But what of the people of New Orleans, 67 percent of whom are Black?

[...]

In place of the jobs that have been washed away, there could be alternative employment through a huge, federally funded rebuilding effort. But this is George Bush’s federal government. Does anyone believe that the Bush men would mandate that priority employment go to the pre-flood, mostly Black population of the city.

Hmmmm...I wonder who BushCo hired to do the clean up work...could it be...

HALLIBURTON?

It's so predictable, it's not even fun anymore. Well, I guess it never WAS fun...

Posted at 9:32 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Redneck mother wants to know what you are doing.

September 2, 2005

Redneck Mother: What we're doing

I'd love to hear what you're doing. Creativity helps solve problems.

1. I just learned through the Single Parents Resource Network that the Red Cross needs phone bank and data entry help in south Austin, as well as warehouse work. As soon as my kids are out of here, I'm going to call and volunteer to work a shift this weekend.

2. I have already listed my home as a possible shelter for a homeless family. I'm going to do some more painting and clean up in the spare room in preparation.

That's all I have to offer right now. I am so broke. I would love to make a big old pot of soup to bring to the Burger center where some families are residing, but I don't think I have even enough money to feed anyone except my family next week. Perhaps after payday, though.

Keep the meme going...what are YOU doing?

Posted at 4:45 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

This is really the written equivalent of our FEMA director plugging his ears and shouting "LALALALALALALALALALALLALALALALALALA"

September 2, 2005

CNN.com - The big disconnect on New Orleans - Sep 2, 2005

[link via ECHIDNE]

Posted at 4:32 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

First fiddling, then appointing...

September 2, 2005

Bypassing Senate, president appoints a top Justice official - The Boston Globe

Bush used a ''recess appointment" Wednesday to name Alice S. Fisher to lead the agency's criminal division. Senator Carl Levin, Democrat of Michigan, had blocked the nomination because he wants to talk to an agent who named Fisher in an e-mail about allegedly abusive interrogations at the US military prison camp at Guantanamo.

The agent wrote that in weekly meetings with Justice Department officials, ''we often discussed [Defense Department] techniques and how they were not effective or producing [intelligence] that was reliable." In the next sentence, the agent said Fisher, then the number two official in the criminal division, was among Justice officials who attended the meetings.

Fisher has said she does not recall participating in the discussions, and Justice officials have said the agent did not intend to say she had. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales declined to let senators question the agent, saying it would violate longstanding policy.

Meanwhile, back in Guantanamo...

Since January 2002, the (Defense Department) has denied prisoners access to the courts or legal counsel in an effort to avoid justifying the basis for the detentions. This policy has driven detainees to strike until they die or are afforded a fair hearing and humane treatment," said attorney Gitanjali Gutierrez, of the New York-based Center for Constitutional Rights, which represents some of the prisoners.

It's a wonder our president even got around to acknowledging all of the poor folks in Louisiana.

[link courtesy of redneck mother.]

Posted at 4:26 PM • TrackBack

Beyond Bush.

September 2, 2005

64 Arts: God help us all

Bush has fucked this up, no doubt, but this goes beyond him even. Our system is a corrupt and uncaring one. And we as a people have been made so busy with the business of survival that we can hardly fight for change. But we must. It is time to stop attacking the poor. Something like 80% of tsunami donations came from households making less than 40,000 annually. And last night on the local news I saw one example after another of people with nothing finding more and more to give. "I have no money, but I have a room." "this is my last 20 dollars, but they don't have anything." "These were all the clothes I could spare." The slightly less poor helping the slightly more poor. We are already taking care of ourselves, we are the majority. Let's talk about this loudly, let's hold government accountable and let's stop shooting poor people and telling them to be patient in a crisis. It's time to help now. It's time for radical change now.

Posted at 2:47 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Mayor Nagin is PISSED

September 2, 2005

CNN.com - Mayor to feds: 'Get off your asses' - Sep 2, 2005.

Now, I will tell you this -- and I give the president some credit on this -- he sent one John Wayne dude down here that can get some stuff done, and his name is [Lt.] Gen. [Russel] Honore.

And he came off the doggone chopper, and he started cussing and people started moving. And he's getting some stuff done.

They ought to give that guy -- if they don't want to give it to me, give him full authority to get the job done, and we can save some people.

Can you blame him?

Where the fuck is the help?

We're getting reports and calls that are breaking my heart, from people saying, "I've been in my attic. I can't take it anymore. The water is up to my neck. I don't think I can hold out." And that's happening as we speak.

Pissed off yet?

I flew over that thing yesterday, and it's in the same shape that it was after the storm hit. There is nothing happening. And they're feeding the public a line of bull and they're spinning, and people are dying down here.

And, the crux of it?

WWL: Well, you and I must be in the minority. Because apparently there's a section of our citizenry out there that thinks because of a law that says the federal government can't come in unless requested by the proper people, that everything that's going on to this point has been done as good as it can possibly be.

NAGIN: Really?

WWL: I know you don't feel that way.

NAGIN: Well, did the tsunami victims request? Did it go through a formal process to request?

You know, did the Iraqi people request that we go in there? Did they ask us to go in there? What is more important?

And I'll tell you, man, I'm probably going get in a whole bunch of trouble. I'm probably going to get in so much trouble it ain't even funny. You probably won't even want to deal with me after this interview is over.

WWL: You and I will be in the funny place together.

NAGIN: But we authorized $8 billion to go to Iraq lickety-quick. After 9/11, we gave the president unprecedented powers lickety-quick to take care of New York and other places.

Now, you mean to tell me that a place where most of your oil is coming through, a place that is so unique when you mention New Orleans anywhere around the world, everybody's eyes light up -- you mean to tell me that a place where you probably have thousands of people that have died and thousands more that are dying every day, that we can't figure out a way to authorize the resources that we need? Come on, man.

You know, I'm not one of those drug addicts. I am thinking very clearly.

And I don't know whose problem it is. I don't know whether it's the governor's problem. I don't know whether it's the president's problem, but somebody needs to get their ass on a plane and sit down, the two of them, and figure this out right now.

You need to listen to the audio. The man is sincere. More sincere than I've ever heard any politician. And they are both crying in the end.

Oh, and...the fucking military ad before the interview. Nice touch.

Posted at 12:53 PM • TrackBack

One more thing before I go and try to feed my children

September 2, 2005

PTSD. We are setting these people up for years and years of mental health issues. And when I see the babies and small children in this video, I think about the lesson they are learning about their fellow humans, about capitalism, about our nation.

You want to talk about the violence that might or might not be happening down there right now? We are setting ourselves up for a whole bunch of shit. People who are traumatized, and most likely unable to get the help they need to overcome the trauma. Additionally, there might or might not be gun-slinging outlaws in NO right now, but the greatest violence is being perpetrated by our government, and they are doing it the good, old-fashioned, capitalist way. They are doing it without tanks, without guns, and, they hope, without any fucking accountability. They are STARVING people, and people...babies, old people, plain old regular fucking people ARE DYING. Do you got that? The man in the video said he saw people DYING OF DEHYDRATION right in front of him. BABIES who were dead. BABIES. I consider that to be a supreme act of violence, and I blame our president and our government for allowing it to happen.

Zagg sent me an email, and asked me to post it:

"Unfortunately, that's going to be attributable a lot to people who did not heed the advance warnings," Brown told CNN.

That's absolutely disgusting. On Sunday, before the storm, many, many AP stories had this paragraph in them:

"As many as 100,000 inner-city residents didn't have the means to leave and an untold number of tourists were stranded by the closing of the airport, so the city arranged buses to take people to 10 last-resort shelters, including the Superdome."

There was wide acknowledgement that people COULDN'T get out. Now FEMA is trying to cover their ass and say that people didn't "heed the warning."

It's so disgusting.

I agree, Zagg. It's disgusting. I am disgusted with our country right now. I'm especially disgusted with the alleged "sanctity of life" Christians who very much appear to be total fucking hypocrites right now.

Posted at 9:36 AM • TrackBack

I let Ms. Barber off too easy...

September 2, 2005

Lest you think calling her a fucking cunt was a bit harsh.

It appears from that video that the REASON the people at the convention center aren't being rescued is because of the fucking rumors being spread by fucking cunts LIKE Ms. Barber.

Ms. Barber: Your GOD is a fucking cunt. This has nothing to do with, as several of your commentors felt the need to forward, "Many years of embracing a God-less, liberal, undisciplined life", this has to do with fucking SURVIVAL and HUMANITY.

I don't believe in your god, Ms. Barber, and I have a feeling myself and my other heathen friends have more humanity and love in our little fingers than you have in your entire fucking body.

Shoot them on sight? You are fucking EVIL.

Posted at 9:25 AM • TrackBack

I'm about to fucking get in my fucking van

September 2, 2005

And drive to the fucking convention center myself.

Do you still think looters should be shot on sight, Ms. Barber? You Fucking Cunt. This video made me cry my eyes out and hug my babies close.

WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! WHY ISN'T THERE A REVOLUTION MARCHING THROUGH THE STREETS RIGHT FUCKING NOW?

I have about 50 dollars until my next paycheck, and I am having to restrain myself from spending all of it on gas to NO and back. WHY IS OUR GOVERNMENT NOT HELPING THESE PEOPLE.

There are a lot of people I would like to "shoot on sight" right now. They are not "looters." They don't even fucking live anywhere NEAR Louisiana or Mississippi.

I haven't been watching television, so this is the first moving visual image that I've seen about this, and I. I just don't know. I just don't know how anyone can justify this bullshit.

Posted at 9:17 AM • TrackBack

No FUCKING way.

September 1, 2005

FEMA Directing Donations To Rev. Pat Robertson : Sploid

FEMA has released to the media and on its Web site a list of suggested charities to help the storm’s hundreds of thousands of victims. The Red Cross is first on the list.

The Rev. Pat Robertson’s “Operation Blessing” is next on the list.

[link via atrios]

Posted at 4:41 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

The logic of War

September 1, 2005

From the mind of 4-year old Coley:

"Mama, one day when I grow up, I'm going to make a battering ram and KILL Monk."

"Well, then you'll go to jail and no one wins."

"OK, well...then I'm going to make an army, and Monk will be mad and he will make a whole army, and then...we'll make a WAR."

Posted at 3:06 PM • TrackBack

It's actually kind of amazing...

September 1, 2005

I'm looking through the offers of housing on the hurricane housing site, as well as the New Orleans Craigslist (as well as the Austin Craigslist) and I am truly amazed. I find it difficult to believe that anyone can see that kind of outpouring of offers, and still think people aren't inherently good and driven to take care of each other.

Of course, the problem is that many (most?) of the people who are in dire need of housing can't get on the internet. So, what do we do to help them?

Posted at 2:27 PM • TrackBack

For those of you who can't afford to donate money

September 1, 2005

...but have housing space to spare: MoveOn.org: Democracy in Action

Posted at 1:07 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Bring Them Home bus tour eyewitness report.

September 1, 2005

Why I love blogs. Abram reports in a way the local news just won't.

And, truly, do the pro-war folks not realize that their "god bless our military" signs don't really work when the main speakers of the protest are those who have either served or who have or have lost family members who are serving/have served? Signs like that just seem either ironic or ignorant of what they are trying to protest.

Posted at 9:41 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Those Zany Wingnuts.

September 1, 2005

Evidently Glenn Reynolds deviated from the script, and now the wingnut-o-sphere is exacting vengeance.

I wonder if the response would have been as strong had Mr. Reynolds said "I think demonizing the KKK is sorta silly."

[link via Stone Court]

Posted at 8:42 AM • TrackBack

Nearly 1000 trampled in Iraq

September 1, 2005

Panic of war sparks human tragedy in Iraq | csmonitor.com

Wednesday's celebration of the martyrdom of Shiite Imam Mussa Khadim, a descendant of the prophet Muhammad poisoned by a Sunni king in the 8th century, was supposed to be a symbol of Shiite Iraq's new political power and freedom, since it was a pilgrimage that was banned under Saddam Hussein. The massive celebration also served to underscore the country's rising religious fervor in the face of so much violence. But the day that ended with about 800 deaths - most from a stampede sparked by rumors of a suicide bomber, and others from insurgent mortar attacks - was perhaps one of the most painful examples of the centuries-old division between Shiite and Sunni branches of Islam.

At 8 a.m., mortars and Katyusha rockets slammed into two neighborhoods near the shrine, killing 15 and injuring about 30.

An hour later, victims of poison - apparently in the free food and water available along the pilgrims' route - trickled into hospitals, according to Iraq's Health Minister. A leading Shiite politician alleged that 100 people were killed by poison.

Then at 10 a.m., the wave of the tragedy crested and broke. As tens of thousands of Shiite pilgrims poured onto the Bridge of the Imams toward the shrine, backing up at the end of the bridge to be checked for explosives, men in the crowd began shouting there was a suicide bomber, survivors say.

The crowd then surged. Strong men pushed and shoved to get to safety. Children, women, and the old were trampled.

The death toll is now up to almost 1000, with over 800 injured. I'm not sure if that includes those that were poisoned.

There is so much sadness in the world right now that I hardly know where to begin to mourn.

Posted at 8:08 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

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