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« September 2005 | Main | November 2005 »

The Sanctity of Marriage?

October 31, 2005

A commenter on Rox's post about the Scalito Nomination had this to say in answer to Roxanne's question about the defensibility of SPOUSAL notification prior to abortion:

It is not rational to simultaneously expect marriage to mean something, to expect a man to be responsible, and yet give choice within a marriage solely to the woman.

The left wants choice without responsibility, the right wants responsibility and no choice. In any case, it is a sorry state of affairs when a married woman would undergo an abortion without talking to her spouse. Why fight for the gay right to be married when marriage is increasingly meaningless?

...and gave me my first Halloween Scare* today.

It's as if the whole world has been sprinkled with magic pixie marriage dust, where all married women are secure and happy with their spouses. The implication of this, of course, subtle though it might be, is that those who have real reason to NOT discuss an issue such as abortion with her spouse are at fault for that situation and, therefore, can go fuck themselves.

I mean, the fact that this person could even say this without considering the myriad reasons why a woman might not want to discuss her choices with her spouse confirms a lot to me that I already knew. And while it's usually nice to get validation, it's not at all nice to have it proven to me again and again that abused women are absolutely invisible to society at large.

I've seen this play out to some extent in my personal situation. I've seen people move cautiously away from me out of fear of my situation, and I've experienced the difficulty in finding refuge from my relationship due to prohibitively expensive attorneys. Marriage already gives an abusive partner an unbelievable amount of power to abuse, without forcing women to get SPOUSAL CONSENT before making a choice that will potentially tie her to her abuser for the rest of her life.

So FUCK your fucking "sanctity of marriage" bullshit. I'm calling for SANCTITY OF A BASIC RIGHT TO SAFETY that most men feel absolutely entitled to, without question. And many women only dream of.

*If the words SPOUSAL CONSENT don't give you enough of a scare as it is.

ETA: Damnit, it's SPOUSAL NOTIFICATION, but it sounds equally fucking scary to me.

Learning something new.

October 31, 2005

Thanks to Marian I learned something new first thing this morning:

But in an age of increasing tribalization around the world, the fact that Einstein and Paul Robeson, two of the 20th Century's most famous and popular figures, were not only friends but co-chaired the American Crusade to End Lynching and shared a dozen other anti-racist activities, could serve as a role model for millions. Yet the story has remained untold — until now — as has Einstein's support for W. E. B. Du Bois, his friendship with Marian Anderson and his many ties with the African American people living in Princeton's own little ghetto, in and around Witherspoon Street."

Gratitude - Version Homoerotic Soldier Songs

October 30, 2005

Ten things I am grateful for this week (in no particular order):

1. The Soldiering Life by the Decemberists* (and the sing-alongs it inspires)
2. Sweet Dogs Learning New Stuff
3. Dog Almighty
4. "Happy Halloween" (transcript coming soon)
5. Nice people to share Dog Almight with
6. The 11-year old playdate (silence, and no kids in sight) (I'm assuming they are in the backyard)
7. Partly Sunny, 77 degrees
8. A period without cramps (and I finally got rid of the headache)
9. Sunday
10. Coley didn't scream and cry in childcare today, so I could listen to the whole service.

The Soldiering Life
by: The Decemberists

Ambling madly all over the town
The call to arms you liken to a whisper,
I liken to a radio.
You were a brick bat, a bowery tuff, so rough
They culled you from a cartoon
Pulled out of your pantaloons.

But you,
My brother in arms,
I'd rather I'd lose my limbs
Than let you come to harm.

But you ,
My bombazine doll,
The bullets may singe your skin
And the mortars may fall.

But I,
I never felt so much life
Than tonight
Huddled in the trenches,
Gazing on the battle field,
Our rifles blaze away;
We blaze away.

Corporal Bradley of regiment five
In proud array standing by the bathing
Soldiers and the stevedores.
We laid on the mattress and tumbled to sleep
Our eyes aligned, swaddled in our civies
Cradled in our dungarees.

But you,
My brother in arms,
I'd rather I'd lose my limbs
Than let you come to harm.

But you,
My bombazine doll,
The bullets may singe your skin
And the mortars may fall.

But I,
I never felt so much life
Than tonight
Huddled in the trenches,
Gazing on the battle field
Our rifles blaze away;
We blaze away.
We blaze away.
We blaze away.

The more I know men, the better I like my dog*

October 30, 2005

What am I doing with all of that "extra time" I have, now that I am once again gloriously single?

I'm working on training my dog. The boxer. Not the beagle. The beagle can go fuck herself. I *puffy heart* my boxer.

In fact, I hadn't even realized how much I had been "working with her" until last night. All I've really been doing is taking her on walks as often as I possibly can, which equates to about 3-4 times a week (because it has been difficult to walk her during the day, as she is INSANE on the leash. But we are, evidently, working on that).

The issues I have with the boxer are manifold:

1. She likes to steal food off of tables, counters, and out of the hands of small children.
2. She is INSANE on the leash (as mentioned above)
3. She is extra-super-aggressive on the leash. If she encounters another dog while she is on a leash, she will foam and growl and, given the opportunity, attack. She does not behave this way off-leash. She's fairly alpha, but she generally doesn't try to kill other dogs offleash, she just asserts her dominance.
4. She barks. Loudly. When she is playing. And it sounds like a mean, agressive bark. Plus, it's LOUD.

...all of this is compounded, and made more difficult by the fact that she is deaf. So I have to use hand signals with her...which means I also have to train her to look at me. For instructions.

My workaround to the leash aggression/difficulty has been to walk her late at night. I take her across the street to the playground and let her run herself out a bit off leash before our walk, at which point she is generally pretty well-behaved on the leash. She doesn't heel, exactly, but she also doesn't randomly yank me in the direction of anything and everything she deems interesting. This has been working really well for us, except for the loud barking thing. As soon as I let her off of the leash, she barks and barks and barks.

Getting a deaf dog to stop barking is a tricky endeavor. First, it's difficult to discern if she even understands what she is doing wrong when you are telling her to be quiet. Second, she can't fucking hear you tell her to be quiet, anyway. I have been struggling with this dilemma for some time, until last night. Last night, we had a break through.

I'm sorry to say that the breakthrough occurred at the end of the leash. She was playing a game where whe was barking continuously, LOUDLY, and refusing to come to me so I could help her calm down. So, I had to pop her (as gently as possible) with the end of the leash. I don't think it hurt her, but it got her attention, which was something my crouching and patting my knees (which is our usual signal for "come and calm down") wasn't doing. She thought I was playing, and the pop told her, no. I'm not playing. Now shut up and get over here. Of course, I gave her a lot of love when she came to me, and put her back on the leash...and when I took her off again, she still romped playfully, but did not bark...and returned to me at my signal.

The coolest thing of all that happened last night, though, was I was able to take her offleash and have her walk by my side back and forth across the tennis courts. Even after she saw another dog! She stayed with me. And when she broke away, she ran a hundred yards or so towards the other dog, then checked back with me and came back when she saw me motion.

I'm so thrilled about these little breakthroughs. It's so much easier to have a dog who knows how to mind...especially since the beagle is such an untamable pain in the ass. I'm just sorry it has taken me 5 years to find the time to work with Twyla. She's been a totally pleasant dog in the meantime, but now walks with her are actually something to LOOK FORWARD TO rather than something to grit my teeth and tolerate because she's a sweetie who deserves to get out and walk around the neighborhood on occasion.

I wish you all could meet my dog. She's adorable and sweet. She follows me around the house (which is annoying unless I really focus on the fact that she's following me out of love and devotion rather than, you know, a desire to make me trip all over her) she's super sweet to all of the kiddos & while she's not the smartest dog I've ever known, she learns pretty fast, especially taking her handicap into account. Plus, like most boxers, she's fastidious about cleanliness, and never smells all doggy (although I need to start brushing her teeth more regularly, because...GAH...dog BREATH.) PLUS: She doesn't lock herself in her apartment and ignore me for weeks on end OR get into arguments about pants with me. She's my Twyla. My big, goofy-looking, beautiful, sweet puppy dog.

If I had a good picture on this computer, I would put one here. Since I don't, see the montage on the left.

*Ah, how well I remember the sparkly transfer of this, complete with little dog-heads poking out of each and every "o", on a t-shirt my mother used to wear while I was in my formative years. Little did I appreciate the wisdom of these words.

Divorce Wars

October 28, 2005

I am having two ongoing wars with my ex which I feel are both absolutely ridiculous and are total power plays on his part.

The first one, which I think is fairly universal and one of those "I never thought I would be doing this" things, is about clothes.

I used to pack a full suitcase with the boys when they went to dad's for the weekend. Then...things stopped coming back. Which, in coley's case is fine. I have so many clothes for that child, I was happy to see some of it go. But with Monk, I don't get hand-me-downs anymore, so I need all of the clothes that I have. Plus, dad started complaining about clothes "not being appropriate" for the weather...and then once even complaining that the suitcase I chose to pack them in was inconvenient for the bus.

I was like "screw this!" The divorce decree clearly states that we are each responsible for clothing and feeding the children when they are in our care, so let him buy the clothes.

Well, now he tells the kids to gather clothes to bring with them. He did it a couple of weeks ago when the weather got cool. Monk ran back into the house to grab 3 pairs of his nicest, warmest pants to bring to dad's house. (I haven't seen them since) and now this week, I get an email from dad WITH FREAKING CLOTHING SUGGESTIONS.

I told him 20 bux at savers would solve this problem permanently. I said I am not going to pack a bag for them, and he is not to send them on his missions to fuck with me via clothing wars. (well, I was actually more diplomatic than that, but I did point out that our divorce decree clearly states that we are independently responsible for the clothing needs of our children, and that I want this issue to never be discussed again.

Blah.

The second issue is about church, but it also includes birthday parties. Monk likes to go to church, so I have been picking him up from his dad's house on Sundays to take him there at his request. Dad won't take him. And I really don't feel comfortable assuming I can just drop by to get him without first knowing what their plans are. Dad doesn't have a phone, so there is very limited means of getting in contact without driving over and honking. I felt like that was an imposition on me to avoid an imposition on dad, so I stopped picking Monk up. Instead, I told dad that if Monk wanted to go to church, he could call me and I would be happy to drop by and pick him up, since dad's house is right on the way to church.

Dad refuses. INSISTS that it's MY responsibility to either intuit Monk's desire to go to church, or check with him on Saturday night...via email because there's no phone (but email is not always a safe bet, either.) I refuse to do this, again feeling like it's placing a burden on me that's not mine. So I told Monk that he is now responsible for letting me know whether he needs me to pick him up for church. Of course, dad feels this is "bringing Monk into the middle of our conflict." But I think it's more like "teaching Monk that mom is not the psychic satisfier of all desires, regardless of whether or not she is inconvenienced."

This is particularly true now that dad is moving way far south and will no longer be on the way to church. I told dad that if Monk wants to go to church and if dad is not willing to drive him there I will still be happy to pick him up if that desire is expressed to me in a timely manner. Hell, I'd even be happy to do it if I was told "We will let you know (in a timely manner) when we DON'T want you to get him, otherwise, come get him." What I'm being told, instead, is that I need to check in every week to ask if I can do a favor for dad (by taking his son to an activity that is occurring when he is the person in charge of caring for the children.) You know? That's just...wrong.

Which brings me to birthday parties. How the fuck do divorced people do birthday parties? As if having divorced parents isn't stigma enough, now Monk has to miss birthday parties because his parents are divorced? Because birthday parties happen on weekends...and he is with his dad 1/2 of the weekends of the month (or more)...therefore dad either has to be willing to take him to the birthday party, or Monk is out of luck.

That sucks.

It sucks that I have to be at war over PANTS. (I'm seriously about to toss 20 bux at the man and tell him to go buy the kids some clothes so we can be done. with. it. already.) It sucks that Monk either has to miss church (and I get blamed for it) or I have to perpetuate this myth that it's mommy's job to go out of her way for the kids while dad sits back and plays Nintendo. And it sucks that, even divorced, dad still feels like he needs to work the power button as much as humanly possible.

I have three words for Mr. L:

GIVE IT UP (already).

(well, that OR):

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

***
ETA: Thanks to some discussions, some contemplation, and these comments, I came up with the following response to his ludicrousness (ludicrosity?):

Thank you, L. [the dad]

This quote from you helped me come to a couple of conclusions:

[from an actual email L sent to me]
“You are seriously erring, in my viewpoint, and making everyone uncomfortable, by overstepping your boundaries as one of the children's parents. I don't try to interfere with your time with them, I would appreciate it if you would finally do the same when they are with me.”

The conclusions are:

1-Regarding their clothing: It is clearly stated in the divorce agreement that we are each responsible for clothing, feeding, and sheltering the children when they are in our care. Therefore, I ask that you please return all of the clothing of the children’s that you did not purchase that is in your possession and please buy them the clothing they need when they are in your care. I do not have to go to a state-sponsored parenting class to intuitively know that it’s not healthy for the children to have to pack a suitcase to go to their dad’s house which is ostensibly advertised as “their other home.” If your house is their other home, their other home should have clothing for them. This is, officially, the end of this argument.

2-Regarding church: I have been picking Monk up on the Sundays they are in your care as a favor to YOU, not Monk. As you state above, it was wrong of me to “overstep my boundaries” and parent for you while you are supposed to be doing the parenting. Therefore, I will inform Monk that he is to talk to you about church if he would like to attend on the Sundays he is with you. Church is HIS activity, not mine. I would hope you would provide him with the continuity he desires (for crying out loud, we went to the library today and they chose the same books on tape that they chose when they went to the library with you — I think these children are aching for continuity) by bringing him to church as he desires, but if you do not, it is none of my business. NOR IS IT MY FAULT. Please do not include me in your decision on this matter in any way. I will inform Monk that I will be bringing him to church on the weeks he is with me, and it is up to his father (you) to handle the other weeks.

3-Regarding the 6 AM drop off time: I will no longer be here at 6 AM to receive the children. Having the children an extra 1-2 hours a week is clearly overstepping my boundaries as one of the children’s parents, and allowing you to use me as their babysitter in lieu of coming up with your own solution to your transportation issues is not something I wish to do any longer. It’s bad for the kids, it’s bad for me, and I can’t think it’s any good for you if I allow you to continue to maintain your sense of entitlement to have me perform all of the functional duties of parent, childcare provider, and event coordinator while you sit back and dictate what I will and will not do for you. So you know, I will be informing the children of this fact in advance so that they are not disappointed if you should choose to attempt to drop them off at 6 AM next Friday morning.

3-Regarding birthday parties: In the future, I will forward all of Monk’s birthday party invitations to you without comment if they occur during your time with the children. I leave it up to you to deal accordingly with whatever disappointment Monk feels in not getting to go to his friend’s parties. Perhaps that will convince you that it’s not about you or me, but them.

4-Regarding my irritability: Whatever. It is clear to me that you are resorting to your tactics of manipulation, condescension, and criticism in an attempt to gain some sort of power over me. This is the dynamic that I sought to eliminate from my life when I got the divorce, and I’m not going to allow it to continue. You can complain all you want about items 1, 2, 3, and 4—but they are all within the letter of our divorce decree. You can’t insist that I NOT overstep my bounds as the other parent unless it serves you that I do so. That’s bullshit. I’m calling you on it. I won’t have it any longer. It’s too bad, really. Our divorce decree can be as flexible as we allow it to be to enable us to serve the needs and best interests of our children. I am willing to allow for that flexibility, as long as the flexibility is, in fact, in the best interests of the children. I’m not finding that to be the case with any of these demands on your part.

Take care,

drucilla

Friday Random Ten - version "Landricus Bagicus"

October 28, 2005

Wow. Bel Biv Devoe? I don't think I have anything quite. that. bad. in my collection. Let's see, though:

1. Jawbreaker - Gutless
2. Velvet Underground - That's the Story of My Life
3. General Public - Never You Done That
4. Operation Ivy - Gonna Find You
5. John Lennon - And So This is Christmas
6. Jets to Brazil - One Summer Last Fall
7. Soft Cell - Tainted Love
8. REM & Natalie Merchang - Photograph
9. Erykay Badu ft. Common Ground - Love of my Life (instrumental)
10. Minutemen - Maybe Partying Will Help

Bonus Tracks

• The Beauty Pill - Quote Devout Unquote
• The Decemberists - The Legionnaire's Lament
• Jimmy Cliff - No Justice
• A Tribe Called Quest - What's the Scenario

Quote Devout Unquote
The Beauty Pill

Oh Show some shame
Santa Claus he died for your sins
Or was it the other way around?
Or was there someone else involved?

Facts Dates and Names
It's all the same
You never know
We sink and We dive and
You never know

Chorus:
Dog spit is cleaner than human
Same goes for cognition
Pain is pure, pain is fleeting
To see and touch Smell and taste and listen
There's no objection
Asked and answered
Sustained but it goes to the heart
of motivation
You never know
You never know

There's no black ops
Yeah, nobody's reading your mail
No matte-finished helicopters
To swoop down and snatch you
Out of the habitrail

Just bullet points
And bullet points
This one's pass, this one's fail
We sink and we dive and
You never know

Chorus
+It's so hard to know
how to let go
It's so hard to know
how to let go
It's so hard to know
how to let go
It's easy to learn
how to let go
let go
let go
let go...

Cause you never know.

"no" day was a success

October 27, 2005

After Coley came to grips with the fact that mama was going to refuse service until reciprocal courtesy was well-established, we managed to make it through the entire day (including bathtime WITH hairwashing...although I did not hazard a walk) without a single temper tantrum.

So, basically, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

I fucking hate it when age-old aphorisms prove to be the best parenting mottos.

Turning the Tables

October 27, 2005

I declare today official "no" day, in which mama says "no" to every single request Coley makes. I'm hoping in doing so, Coley will realize how abso-fucking-lutely irritating it is for him to do the same to me every. single. day.

I stupidly thought that he would stop this kind of behavior THE DAY he turned five. Evidently, he is a holdout. Last night, I took the kids for a "nice, relaxing" walk - since I worked during the day for once, so we could have a nice evening together. Coley SCREAMED, SCREECHED, and CATERWAULED the entire duration of the walk. It wasn't relaxing. At all.

Pansy claims this means he will turn out to be a much more bearable adult. I think that's sweet, albeit wishful, thinking. Mostly because it's difficult to imagine he will make it to adulthood, given the eleventy gazillion kinds of crazy he is driving me.

In minute three of my experiment of saying no to all of Coley's requests, he has collapsed on the floor, wailing "I waaaaaaant soooooome looooooooove."

Baby, sometimes love MEANS saying no.

I have a feeling he will take a bath soon. Without the 3 hour argument that normally precedes bathtime. What do you think?

word orgy

October 25, 2005

While I'm on the subject of words...isn't the word "liver" kind of cool? It's sort of like the human equivalent to the "starter" of a car. A word that you use so commonly that the banality of its literal meaning becomes submersed in itself, and makes it sound almost exotic.

Think about it. Your liver. It keeps you alive. The starter. You know, the thing that starts the car. It's just delightful!

The other activity I'm pursuing with the kids this week is this weird sub/super-language that is suggested in the first level of the Writing Strands curriculum. It's really fun. You basically just come up with even more common terms for things. Like, I just told Monk to wipe his snot-producer with a face-washer. And to put my cup of jump-starter on the level surface near the water-dispenser. Soon, we will get into our people-mover and make motion towards the liver-inner of our play-people.

Language is so. freaking. fun!

Poetry

October 25, 2005

I'm re-reading _A Celebration of Bees_ & it put me in the mood to try doing poetry with the children again. Coley picked up poetry awhile back, and went through a spate of poem-writing that was actually delightful. Monk is a harder sell.

What I have done is tacked two large sheets of posterboard on the wall. The theme of our first poem is "autumn." The children have been asked to "gather words" to put on our posterboards, and we are building the list throughout the week. I try to riff off of them a bit - we work with the five senses, and then I ask them to think of other words that go with the words they select. For instance, when Monk says "rough" in response to my question of "how does fall feel?" I ask him, "what other things are rough?" And a huge array of random-seeming words burst forth onto our sheet.

It's amazing how inspiring it is to see this list of words, and makes me consider story-boarding my writing more. I am seeing, right now: "Frozen rake" "chipmunks shuffle sticks" "chocolate voices, burning leaves" "acorns chirp, kittens falling" "red doves migrate" etc, etc.

At the end of the week, we will take all of our words and arrange them into poetry. The kids were both unenthused at first - with that "Oh, great...she's at it again" kind of attitude they get when I try to engage them in a newish activity - but now, they seem to be more and more excited each time we head to the word-board for a 5-10 minute session. Which makes me think that I need to be more persistent with some of the other things I try.

I will definitely post whatever we come up with. We'll probably work on these word-board poems for awhile before I start the next chapter of Esbensen's delightful book.

Random whining

October 25, 2005

I'm guessing there will be light blogging this week as all of a sudden it seems like I am tremendously busy. I think it has to do with the fact that I took a day off last week because Monk was sick, and a day off yesterday (ha!) because of Coley's birthday (even though I ended up working from home here and there throughout the day, anyway) and now work is just piled up both at work and at home. I've also been sick with a cold that has me feeling lazy and overwhelmed in general. I sniffly, my lips are chapped, and I have a cut on the inside of my lip.

Blah.

Plus, I discovered last night that a very important task that I handed off to someone last week (because they are more knowledgeable than me) got blown off, and therefore I have to deal with fallout and the hassle of putting it back on the front burner & I am pissed, but I don't have the energy to even complain to this person anymore even though I am his supervisor. The two main people I supervise are just great, wonderful, adept human beings who each have their individual quirks that makes being their supervisor a huge pain in the ass. It doesn't help that I am the type of manager who gives them a task, lets them know they can come to me for help, and then steps aside...while the other manager, bless her heart, is a complete control freak. And I can say that with total affection now, because after years and years of us working together (and me griping about here here and elsewhere for all that time) she has finally learned not to be as much of a control freak with me.

Urgh.

Plus, in spite of the fact that I feel like I accomplished a great deal over the weekend, I didn't finish painting like I had planned to, and there are still several things that need to get done in preparation for the arrival of Pansy & family.

So, anyway...sparseness around here for some amount of time as I put things back in order. I need to find a new rhythm for real now that it's cooler. I hope everyone is enjoying autumn. You can bet I'm running around, catching up, listening to music, playing, walking, sneezing, squinting up at the sun, drinking coffee, doing endless sudoko puzzles, teaching, learning, and living.

Rest in Peace, Rosa

October 24, 2005

WTOL-TV Toledo, OH: Rosa Parks Dead at 92

DETROIT -- One of the most famous icons of the civil rights movement has passed away. Rosa Parks died Monday evening at the age of 92.

Coley it's your birthday

October 24, 2005

Happy Birthday Coley!

Gratitude

October 23, 2005

Some things I am grateful for this week...In no particular order:

• That guitar riff in "Let the Bells Ring" by Nick Cave
• A long, luxurious, kidfree weekend
• Coley turning 5 (on Monday)!
• Puffs Plus with Aloe
• Cold Fronts (there is nothing worse than having a cold when it is hot outside)
• Peeling myself off of the futon at midnight to take a brisk walk with my dog, even though I felt like ass (I actually felt better afterwards)
• Susan
• Several years' worth of writing curriculum for 1/2 price

Kitty update

October 22, 2005

Well, a nice homeschooling lady and her daughter just came and took the kitty away. They were quite enamored of him, and I'm so glad that he's going to a home with children as he seems particularly fond of the wee ones.

When I came home from work today, before the people came to get him, he meowed me a hello and climbed up my leg. I was somewhat sad to see him go, but my sinuses will thank me for it tomorrow & I know he will be well-loved where he is.

I did manage to take some pictures of him before he went away, and I will try to post them later.

Yay, all around!

Coley's Birthday Mix

October 22, 2005

For those who attended the birthday party. It's marginally inappropriate for children, but...whatever. Most of the songs are Coley's personal favorites & I sort of riffed off of what I thought he would like for the rest:

1. They Might Be Giants - Birdhouse in Your Soul
2. The Handsome Family - The King Who Wouldn't Smile
3. The Decemberists - The Legionnaire's Lament
4. Tom Chapin - Gertie's Birdseed Diner
5. Sweet Honey In The Rock - Way Down Deep
6. JoAnn Castle - Tico Tico
7. Three Dog Night - Joy To the World
8. Sweet Honey In The Rock - Little Red Caboose
9. Spearhead - Wayfarin' Stranger
10. The Decemberists - Odalisque
11. Chumbawamba - Farewell to the Crown
12. Shonen Knife - Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
13. The Decemberists - 16 Military Wives
14. Phil Rosenthal - Railroad Bill
15. Rasputina - Transylvanian Concubine
16. The Specials - Pressure Drop
17. The Decemberists - Mariner's Revenge Song
18. Spearhead - Thank You
19. Tom Chapin - Our Next-Door Neighbor, the Moon
20. Joanne Shenandoah - Oneida Iroquois Lullaby

The King Who Wouldn't Smile
By: The Handsome Family

there was a king who wouldn't smile
sat on the toilet reading The Trial
his dogs chased their tails 'round and 'round
midget cars arrived stuffed with clowns
who served him quail eggs on toast

like a fish at the bottom of a pail
like a cricket swallowed by a whale
like a chipmunk who chewed off his tail
the king who wouldn't smile

there was a king who never laughed
fell in love with two-headed calf
tattoed his arm with the ace of spades
filled his bath with razor blades
but the grass made fun of his shoes

like a fish at the bottom of a pail
like a cricket swallowed by a whale
like a chipmunk who chewed off his tail
the king who wouldn't smile

there was a king who cried and cried
mice crawled in his shoes to die
he cried so much that herds of deer
gathered to lick his salty tears
so the king crawled under his bed

like a fish at the bottom of a pail
like a cricket swallowed by a whale
like a chipmunk who chewed off his tail
the king who wouldn't smile

Fall Mix

October 21, 2005

Email me if you are interested:

1. KRS1 - Step into my world
2. Peter Tosh & Skatallites - Shame and Scandal
3. Madness - Mummy's Boy
4. Dog Faced Hermans - White Indians
5. The Donnas - Who Invited You
6. Air - J'ai Dormi Sous L'eau
7. The Decemberists - Leslie Ann Levine
8. The Handsome Family - Winnebago Skeletons
9. Cibo Matto - Sunday Part I
10. The Clash - Bankrobber
11. The Clash - Somebody Got Murdered
12. Camper Van Beethoven - She Divines Water (Live)
13. The Clash - I'm not Down
14. Tom Waits - Walking Spanish
15. Atom and His Package - If you Own the Washington Redskins, You're a Cock
16. Operation Ivy - Big City
17. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Cannibal's Hymn
18. The Decemberists - Infanta
19. The Decemberists - Clementine
20. Cake - Never There
21. Minutemen - God Bows to Math
22. William S. Burroughs - A Thanksgiving Prayer

Clementine
By: The Decemberists

You slept in your overalls
After the wrecking ball
Bereft you of house and home
And left you with sweet fuck all

So we got in your car
With our kickabout hearts
And we hollered out Sweet Clementine

Tell your mom to marry us
Candles to carry us
With cans on our bicycle fenders
So sweet and hilarious

And we'll find us a home
Built of packaging foam
That will be there til after we die

And I'll play the clarinet
Use clamshells for castinets
We play with our bags on our shoulders
My sweet lady lioness

And I watch as you sleep
So indelibly deep
And I hum to you Sweet Clementine

Just when you thought I had shut up already about the Decemberists

October 21, 2005

Brooklyn Vegan has links to new songs performed live, and some live shows. I've already downloaded the songs & I'm actually considering downloading the live shows, too...but I have to install the software first.

I think the last time I was this obsessed about a band had to have been when I was in 8th grade. It was Howard Jones. I hope the Decemberists are happy that they have turned me, a mild-mannered mama (ha!), into a squealing fangirl. Jerks!

[you can thank zeebah (aka "the enabler") for this. I can quit any time. I swear.]

Friday Random Ten - Version "Consumerist Field Trip"

October 21, 2005

For this week's consumerist field trip, we are taking the bus to Savers to get Halloween stuff. But that has nothing whatsoever to do with this week'srandom ten (or so):

1. Nick Cave - Black Hair
2. The Decemberists - We Both Go Down Together (Certainly I am not the only one who notices the QUADRUPLE entendre in this song.)
3. Nick Cave - Loverman ("V is for virtue, so I ain't gonna hurt you, E is for even if you want me to.")
4. Tribe Called Quest - Stressed out
5. Camper Van Beethoven - One of These Days (live)
6. Dag Nasty - Safe
7. Stevie Wonder - Sir Duke
8. Electric Light Orchestra - Strange Magic
9. Bob Marley - I wanna Love you
10. Mr. Bungle - Pink Cigarette

Bonus Tracks:

• The Jesus and Mary Chain - Reverence
• Nirvana - All Apologies (little known fact: The cello player on this song is/was a friend of mine)

We Both Go Down Together
by: The Decemberists

Here on these cliffs of Dover
So high, you can't see over
And while your head is spinning
Hold tight, it's just beginning

You come from parents wanton
A childhood rough and rotten
I come from wealth and beauty
Untouched by work or duty

And Oh, my love, my love
Oh, my love, my love
We both go down together

I found you, a tattooed tramp
A dirty daughter from the labor camp
I laid you down in the grass of a clearing
You wept, but your soul was willing

And oh, my love, my love
Oh, my love, my love
We both go down together

And my parents will never approve of this love
But I hold your hand

Meet me on my vast veranda
My sweet untouched Miranda
And while the seagulls are crying
We fall but our souls are flying

And oh, my love, my love
And oh, my love, my love
And oh, my love, oh my love
And oh, my love, my love
We both go down...
together

Monk Rocks.

October 21, 2005

I have been holding this in, blogwise, for about a week now...but I have told just about everyone I know in person. It's one of the most wonderful things I have experienced as a parent...

Monk avoided peer pressure for the first time that I know of a few weeks ago.

Well, not only that, but he displayed a tremendous amount of self-esteem and self-assurance in doing so. And I didn't even find out about it until a number of days after the fact.

This is how it went down. On Sunday, Monk and I were on a walk together, and Monk told me a story about what happened to him at the homeschool park day a couple of days before. I can't remember how the subject came up exactly, but basically what he told me was that one of the kids was trying to get him to keep a secret. Monk was told he could only be in some sort of special club if he promised not to tell anyone what they were doing...and then also do some sort of strange initiation ceremony that basically involved making an ass of himself for the amusement of the other kids.

This kid has done this before...and it's really too bad because I adore this kid's mom, and I think this kid is actually a pretty OK little guy when he's not trying to humiliate my son. Monk has this quality about him, though...he's got the nerd thing going on in full effect, and I think other kids think he's an easy target. But Monk has this OTHER thing going on where he seems impervious to meanness, so the machinations of nerd torturers are always foiled by Monk's obliviousness.

At any rate, Monk basically told the kid to get bent...but not so rudely. I think he said something like "I'm not going to do that," and the kid and his friends CHASED MONK AWAY (this part pissed me off a great deal, but didn't seem to affect Monk tremendously...it's a good thing I didn't see it, though, or I would have been doing some major chewing out, and might have alienated myself from the homeschool crowd more than I already feel like I am. (and, yes, I am fully aware of my propensity to feel alienated whether or not I actually am, so I am fully aware that I may not, in fact, be as alienated as I think I am.)

And the, did Monk come crying to me? No. Remember...I only heard about this on Sunday. What he did next was so ruling and kick ass and HEALTHY I am stunned and proud and delighted. Monk walked away from them (which...I mean, Monk has a tendency, too, to ignore meanness and then come right back for more, which ALWAYS makes me cringe as I flashback to years and years of me following L around trying to make him be nice to me...and I feel like I set a really bad example for Monk & that this quality of his is all my fault) and found another friend to play with and ended up having a really great time.

I have been giving Monk props about this all week long. When he first told me, I was all "Well, that kid was basically being a bully, and it's not worth it to try to be friends with him if he's going to act that way." Now, after having sat with it for a time, I'm telling Monk "You know what, kiddo - you are WAY TOO COOL for that kid." Monk responded to this yesterday by saying "Yeah. I bet that kid wishes he didn't have to act so mean to me...but he feels like he has to because he has a reputation to live up to."

So, I'm just terribly proud of his maturity and ability to not only avoid a situation that could have been at best humiliating to him and at worst...I don't even know. But also to recognize what drives the bully mentality in the first place and show empathy for none other than the bully himself.

I love that little guy. So much.

I just got a comment from "An Actual Mother"...

October 20, 2005

(which, I guess, implies that I'm a pseudo-mother)

& I thought about not even approving the comment, because I'm so fucking tired of the conversation, and her comment is more of the same, but I'm either a glutton for punishment or I feel like clarifying things further might help...so I'm going to fisk it...the ACTUAL mother's comments are plain text, your humble PSEUDO mother's comments are bold.

It's not society, it's you.

You know, I always suspected it was all about me, but felt maybe it was self-centered to state it outright. See, you are starting off on the wrong foot and doing what you accuse me of doing later on in the comment. What you neglected to pick up from the comments is that I'm not even really talking about ME or MY KIDS. I'm talking about how society treats kids and mothers in general, and how that treatment affects, well, women.

Just the simple fact that you sought child rearing advice from a 8 year old signifies that there’s something wrong with your just how much sense you DON'T have as a parent.......

Just the fact that you actually think I was looking to my 8-year old for actual advice rather than a quotable quote signifies that you are severely humor-impaired. You should keep that handicap in mind as you read my blog and, in particular, this post. I'm a smart-ass...and I say smart-ass things. If you don't have a sense of humor, it will probably piss you off. Just a warning. And, actually, the fact that you feel you can judge how much sense I have as a parent by reading something I wrote on my blog signifies quite a lot. Proves my ENTIRE point, actually. Just as the person who judges my overall parenting ability by the five minutes I might lose control of my four-year old in a grocery store has no fucking clue what kind of parent I am in general OR what kind of kid my four-year old is in general.

and this is coming from someone who is a parent of an extremely well behaved 12 year old, who learned early on what is appropriate and inappropriate at a very young age. Incidentally, she is neither restrained or oppressed, fearful or nervous. In fact, she is respectful, well mannered and because she was expected to handle herself appropriately at a young age she is also empathetic and is able to take responsibility for her actions now. She is one of many perfect examples of why a parent needs to concentrate on their jobs as parents early on rather than making excuses.

You missed the part (more likely, intentionally ignored) where I talked about my "extremely well-behaved" 8 year old. I guess it's not convenient to acknowledge that kids have, like, different temperaments and stuff. And that a mama of two children might be dealing with opposite ends of the spectrum. Which certainly MUST prove that it's all about the mama, right? Because it's probably my fault that my younger child seems predisposed to misbehave and my 8 year old...doesn't. Ask my ex-husband. He'll tell you it's All. My. Fault. Too. You can both suck my left one.

& by the way, just because my four year old seems to have more boundless energy and propensity to cause difficulty does not in any way mean that he's not empathic or that I'm not concentrating or that, as you ridiculously accuse later, he will end up in prison. It means he is a more energetic kid than his big brother. He has a different temperament.

& also by the way, I'm using my kids merely as examples of extremes. I do that a lot. I'm a writer and I rely on metaphor and, occasionaly, hyperbole. What I have learned in my lifetime is that I CAN'T JUDGE other people based on the brief moments of time I am in their presence. You just don't have enough information when you are in line at the grocery store and you are holding your nose up about the way a child is behaving. I'm actually thankful to my four year old for teaching me that lesson. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's a UNIVERSAL lesson. Which, in case you are wondering, means that it applies to more than just parenting. It also applies to dealing with anonymous commentors on my blog. For instance, you might actually be a really intelligent, fun, interesting person, in spite of the fact that this comment makes you appear to be an utter ass. Don't worry too much about it, though. I'm sure I appear to be an ass in many different contexts in my life. It's part of being human, I guess.

I read a lot of your commentary on this topic in the last couple of days and have to say that most of the time you never really acknowledge what people of different opinion say to you.

Mostly because it's not an "opinion" thing...it's an actual reality thing. I can listen to people give me their opininion about how they think I should be keeping my child under control all day, but that doesn't solve the inherent difficulties of my reality and, by extrapolation, the realities of a lot of parents out there with spirited children.

When they give you examples of why you should attempt to handle your child or remove them from the environment until they are age appropriate or get their behavior under control, you still go back to putting limitations on your child. In actuality, your child is probably more adaptable and can do more than you can give him/her credit for and because of all of your announcements that “they can’t help it” serves for nothing else but a lesson on how they are supposed to make excuses for themselves later on.

Here you go again. Where did I EVER say I DON'T put limitations on my children. I certainly have standards for my children, and I certainly expect them to live up to those standards. You also have standards. When I am in a public space, I make some compromises, but I simply can't expect things of my children that are not developmentally appropriate FOR MY CHILD. Nor can anyone else. I would love to see how you respond to someone with Tourette's! Or someone who has a disability that causes them to drool! Ew! I hate drool! STOP DROOLING!

See, once again you, like many people in the thread, are trying to assert your opinion about how things should be over my (and other parents') reality. Had you read as closely as you claim to have read, you would have observed that I had the same kneejerk reactions when I was raising my mellow, "well-behaved" son. I assumed that *I* had something to do with that behavior & I thought certainly the other moms out there were just crappy at their job. But, like a republican facing an endictment, I had to have my haughtiness shoved in my face to realize the error of my ways. Thankfully, unlike a republican facing an endictment, I took the lessons of my 4-year old to heart and stopped being all superior about my parenting and worked REALLY HARD (because I think in our competitive society, judgment is encouraged) to be empathic to other parents struggling with behavior issues in public.

& by the way, how fucking elitist is it for ANYONE to insist that I not take my child to the fucking GROCERY STORE until I have a handle on his behavior. What the fuck? Did you read that I am a single parent? That I'm skating on the edge of the poverty line? That I barely have time in the day to reel off stupid blog posts like this in my attempt to save the world from judgmental assholes, much less somehow manage to sneak out in the middle of the night so I don't have to expose you to my unruly child in the fucking grocery store? How much does that shit REEK of unrecognized privilege.

How can I say that? Think about it. You are the one that’s supposed to be the teacher, the trainer, one of the main people that your child depends on to acclimate them to the world. You are the one that’s suppose to help integrate them into society by making sure that they understand proper behavior and how to act in public. We're here to make sure our little ones adapt to society around them. To learn to make sound decisions that aren't always selfish and indulging. To know that it’s not “All about them and what they want”. They should learn what's appropriate and what's not and that requires self restraint at an age when they are more pliable and able to be influenced.

Gee, I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT. Thanks for the ADMONISHMENT! Now I think I'll go and be one of those THOUGHTFUL parents, rather than the parent I am today, who NEVER thinks about ANYTHING. Which would explain why half of this fucking blog is full of posts about my THOUGHTS on parenting.

I'm sorry, "actual mom" - I disagree with your assertion that children are pliable. Mine aren't. They just aren't. That's my reality. It differs from yours. What do you want me to do about that? Do I have to agree with you for you to feel like I'm listening? I get that you have an easy, pliable, sweet, fun child. I'm sure she is just great! Congrats! I mean that! I don't disagree that's possible, and I don't think you necessarily had to beat her into submission to be that way. HOWEVER, in order for me to force my younger child to behave the way your daughter behaves, there would have to be some serious beatings involved.

It's funny. We have this kitten, and the kitten likes to attack feet. To a certain extent, you can train the kitten not to attack feet...but to a certain extent, in the meantime, there's going to be some foot-attacking going on. My 4 year old is beginning to grasp this concept. Maybe he's more intelligent than "actual mother" is.

Here are some things my children are: intelligent, sweet, gentle, loud, pensive, playful, obnoxious, independent, fearful, brave, wonderful, really fucking annoying, achingly loving...I could go on and on. You are telling me that I'm not doing my job & I couldn't disagree with you more. I have two beautiful, wonderful, sensitive, kind and generous boys. That fact doesn't change because they occasionally run away from me in the grocery store and maybe bump into someone or spill something. Or make inappropriate noises or talk about their penises when we are in public. I like to think people give ME the same credit I give my children...even when *I* talk about penises in public.

Society isn't asking you to do anything that you didn’t sign onto do, asking you for something that is unreasonable, limiting your child or making it harder for you to “be the best parent you can be”. You’re doing a fine job of that yourself. Everytime you everyone to just understand when your child is misbehaving or to conform to your child’s behavior instead of the other way around you are NOT preparing them for society but doing them a disservice. I think you mean well and want to make it easier for your child but in the end parents like you are the ones who have children who, because you allowed them to fall out on the floor in the grocery store because "they can't help it" will soon have to deal with them doing other crazy things that required self control on a higher level later on. Situations that usually involve bail money and coroners. Think about it.

The last time my child fell out on the grocery store was, in fact, yesterday. Actually, he just stood there. Almost everyone who saw him just laughed. I was irritated, but what could I do? Do you advocate that I spank him into submission? That I stay at home and WILL the dog and cat food to come to ME?

The more comments I get on this subject that insist that I not ask society to accommodate my "horrible awful children" the more I am convinced it's NOT my children, but the immaturity of those who request/demand consisten adult behavior from children. AND the more I see that people really totally feel that parenting is some sort of cakewalk. It's all part of the sexism inherent in devaluing child-rearing. Everyone is INSISTENT on this weird idea that children just COMPLY, and that the problem lies with me (or whatever other parent is charged with the care of an obstreporous child) when the reality is that parenting is REALLY FUCKING HARD. I love it. I love the challenge. I love that I get to work through these issues with my kids and guide them towards appropriateness. What I can do without is the sanctimonious bullshit that "actual mothers" like this commenter blow towards me like so much second-hand smoke.

And I hate it not just because it's counter-productive to me. I have a pretty thick skin, and this conversation is helping me to make it thicker. I hate it because I KNOW there are mamas out there who sense that judgment and over-react to behaviors (to the point of spanking or using other potentially harmful parenting techniques (how often have I used bribery to avoid the look of sanctimony?!)) that are perfectly within the realm of normal for their child. I hate it because what is ultimately being demanded is that mothers force their CHILDREN to conform to the rules of the adult world to a ridiculous degree to accommodate immature adults who refuse to accept that CHILDREN (in ALL of their glory) are a part of our society, too. If you condemn the children, you get the double whammy of condemning young people AND their mamas.

It's all about the patriarchy, baby. I blame the patriarchy. I blame the patriarchy for your snooty condescension, as well. Ain't no thang, "actual mother"(fucker). You are just playing the role. I'll just pay for my groceries and be on my way.

Roller Coaster of Kitty

October 20, 2005

Well, it appears we are not going to keep the kitty after all. Coley is allergic, and he also keeps getting freaked out when the kitty attacks him (in the usual kitty way.)

I'll probably sit the kids down for a kitty discussion tomorrow, and if Coley decides that he does not want the kitty, I will find a home for him this weekend. Better we find out now & take care of it quickly. I am sure I can find a home for him quickly because he's so cute & even though he does attack Coley, he's pretty mellow as far as kitties go.

While I'm on the subject of the pets, the dogs have been living outside ever since the weather became bearable, and it has made my life so much more peaceful. I go out there and play with them every once in awhile, and they seem pretty content, although Bailey is at this very moment looking for means of escape - I can see her out of my office window. Gah. That dog!

Res Publica Skewers Kos

October 20, 2005

I just had to link this up and quote this part that made me laugh out loud. Loudly:

Dear Reader, let me introduce you to my little friend. No, not that little friend! This is Straw Man. He also goes by the name “Old School Activist”. He “harkens” [bwahahahaha!] back to the 60’s and 70’s, when he damaged his mind with Reefer Madness and lots of acid. His ideas are ideologically pure, but have no application in the world beyond his herbal tea cup, and could never make any difference at the policy level.

He has the unique characteristic of being completely two-dimensional, because he’s a cardboard cutout. He was educated in an economy that did not yet value “proactiveness” (because bullshit pseudo-words like “proactiveness” would not be invented until the 1980’s), so he earns his keep in his commune by spinning macramé plant-hangers out of his own armpit-hair. Some Moonie told him to do this circa 1967, and he just kept on doing it, because he lacks self-initiative can only knows how to do what he’s told (and if you’re thinking “Hey, what’s ‘self-initiative’? Isn’t initiative naturally attributed to the subject taking it?’, then you probably live with Straw Man in his stinking Hippie commune and should just shut your commie piehole). Even more sadly, he has failed to keep pace changing tastes in plant-hanging technology and the declining macrame market because he also lacks the ability to solve problems. What’s that you say? You learned in school that problem-solving is a distinctive characteristic of the species homo sapiens, and to a lesser degree, the other higher primates? You must have gone to one of those shitty public schools.

If you’d had a voucher, you’d know that problem-solving was invented in 1991, right before the invention of “inconcievable” tools that allowed New School Activist to instantaneously know everything about anything at all times and in any place, causing him to evolve beyond crude flesh to become a being of pure light and energy. This blinding overbeing is composed of pure thought, and has no need for your pitiful “leaders” or “media” to tell him what’s “right”. Nor has he any need for your primitive “spelling”. His consciousness transverses the universe at the speed of thought, for he has uploaded himself to t3h 1nt3rn3tz!!1!

Poor, poor Old School Activist. See how shabby and shoddy (and frankly a little thick around the middle) he looks next to svelte, shiny New School Activist’s carbon-composite cyberbody. Oh wait. Where is New School Activist? Since no major social policy change has been driven by activism since the 1960’s, no one is really sure. Maybe he’s off raking in the cash at some tech company, but you can be pretty darn sure he still knows everything about everything, all the time!! And one of these days, he just might decide to do something! You never can tell with these crazy kids today.

What a great analysis.

[link courtesy of pandagon]

I have a question.

October 19, 2005

Why is it so FUCKING hot?

UBS: Us & Them

October 19, 2005

More diversifyification | Prometheus 6

On Tuesday, October 18, 2005, three African American former employees of UBS Financial Services, Inc. (“UBSFS”), filed a class action lawsuit against the company in the United States District Court for the Southern District of New York alleging racial discrimination in hiring, promotion and other employment practices. The lawsuit was filed on behalf of all African Americans who were, are, or will be employed, or who sought employment at UBSFS, as brokers, non-broker officers, and other professional positions. The lawsuit seeks to put an end to years of racial discrimination at UBSFS. Information concerning the lawsuit can be obtained at www.ubsfsdiscrimination.com.

Normally, I associate the word "carnival" with the smell of vomit and cotton candy.

October 19, 2005

So I much prefer the carnival of feminists:

Welcome! to the first Carnival of Feminists. In this show there are no captive animals or "freak" displays, but plenty of passion, lots of fun, and more than the odd bit of juggling of life.

This headline sort of made me giggle.

October 19, 2005

Chomsky is Voted World's Top Public Intellectual

Chomsky is Voted World's Top Public Intellectual Missing from list: young, women, and the French Honour leaves linguistics professor underwhelmed

I know it shouldn't have...but it did. Maybe it's the use of the word "underwhelmed"...perhaps it's the juxtaposition of "young" "women" and "THE French."

UK's work and Families Bill: Paid Paternity Leave

October 19, 2005

BBC NEWS | UK | UK Politics | Paid leave plans for new fathers

The Work and Families Bill extends paid maternity leave from six months to nine months, but fathers rather than mothers could take the last three months.

Well, at least our friends in the UK are beginning to get the right idea. I'm curious if single mamas get the full 9 months to themselves, though? Shouldn't families have the right to choose how that time is divided?

Auto Pilot

October 19, 2005

Nightmares and Dreams: The Auto in American Life

Stanford suggests that if we are serious about our health, we would price auto use to reflect its full social costs and perhaps even consider a more radical step. We should make all public transit free: “We already ask transit riders to “pay”: infrequent service, crowds, longer commutes. Their actions benefit us all; they shouldn’t have to pay again at the token booth.”

But currently we lack the will to legislate such options. Worse still, even with gas taxes that reflect the real cost of the auto and full transit funding, the transition would be slow. Autos and public transit are not simply interchangeable commodities. They also represent and express different understandings of human freedom and the good life. Despite its deficiencies and inconveniences, the private auto still represents a sense of individual autonomy, the ability to travel where and when we wish in ever more luxurious comfort.

Donations Needed for Abortion Clinics

October 19, 2005

Media Girl links to an article with heartbreaking stories about women who are in need of abortions, but are having trouble getting them due to demand surpassing funding capacity in the wake of Katrina.

Suggestions for donations are included in the post.

This one is for Monk, who is barfy today.

October 19, 2005

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | 'Zombie worms' found off Sweden

Adrian Glover and Thomas Dahlgren tell the journal the new species has been named Osedax mucofloris, which literally means "bone-eating snot-flower".

The evil and indecent booby strikes again!

October 18, 2005

CBC New Brunswick - Irving news pulls breastfeeding cover, fires editor

The Irving newspaper group has pulled the latest issue of Here magazine from store shelves and fired its editor after a photo of a breastfeeding baby appeared on its cover.

The photo is an extreme close-up of a tiny baby suckling at its mother's breast. The cover promoted a story about World Breastfeeding Week, which began Oct. 1. The story also highlighted the low rates of breastfeeding in New Brunswick.

Only in Amer...wait! That was fucking Canada?! What the fuck, eh?

[link via Dominion Paper]

Arjet's still on

October 18, 2005

While I'm talking about kittens and Pansies, Mr. Arjet examines chickenhawks and POWs:

So, there's McCain, and he could have taken the "Listen you prissy Liberals, I was in the fucking Hanoi Hilton so don't come whining to me about some ragheads in "stress positions" line, but he didn't. No, he took the "Listen you pathetic Chickenhawks, I was in the fucking Hanoi Hilton so don't even fucking start telling me that you know the first goddamn thing about torture because the closest thing to torture that any of you have ever endured was when you thought you might actually be expected to serve in the National Guard instead of simply listing it on your paperwork" line.

[Well, OK, he didn't exactly say that or anything, but he could have. And if the Neo-con chickenhawks had a shred of humilty, they'd hear that. But then, we know they don't. ]

A Peaceful Day

October 18, 2005

Peaceful Day in Iraq

The soldiers and the Marine were all killed by IEDs. There exists such a thing as an IED jammer. For $47,000/vehicle, our children can be saved from most of the IED attacks. The Pentagon has decided that $47,000 is too much to spend to keep our children alive!!! Halliburton steals that much from the Pentagon before the CEO's first cup of morning coffee. For the two vehicles that were destroyed and the 6 of our children killed, it comes to a little over $15,000 per person. Not to be crass, but the government will be handing each family a check for $100, 000.00 soon (the deaths are still "pending") and $400,000.00 in insurance death benefits. I know each family would mortgage their homes, or sell their souls, if they knew it would have cost $15,000.00 to keep their precious family member alive.

Kitty Olympics

October 18, 2005

The kids were just in the other room squealing and laughing and beckoning for me to come in. I walked in to investigate & discovered that what is happening is that the kitty is hiding between two baskets of clothes and jumping out to pounce on them when they run by...then promptly re-hiding between the baskets in hopes the children will run past again.

It's a regular kitty hootenanny here.

God, I am such a sucker. Did I mention I'm totally allergic to cats. My eyes are all puffy and I'm sniffing. It's totally my fault. I don't actually get allergic unless I HOLD the kitty. But, I ask you...who can resist holding a kitty?

Pansy Kicks Ass

October 17, 2005

So, I figure from now on, I will only blog about the Decemberists, and/or Pansy. Would that be OK with everyone?

Seriously, though...I didn't mention that this weekend Pansy and Clay did what I thought could never be done. They cleaned my fucking garage. At one point, we were all standing in the garage, with the huge pile of trash outside and the floor clearly visible, and one of them - either Pansy or Clay - said "I never thought I would see the floor!" and I replied "I seriously never thought I would see the ceiling again."

Yes, it was THAT BAD. Worse. All sorts of disgusting surprises back there. I'm not even going to go into detail except to encourage you to think of the most nightmarish things you can think of finding in a garage that your ex-husband was supposed to clean out over 2 years ago...a garage in which your children were encouraged to play. I would shudder, but I'm all out of shudders.

At any rate...Pansy and Clay continue to kick ass. I'm so glad the yard sale was fruitful for them, and that Ms. P sold some artwork on Sunday.

The birthday party went well, too. After David roundly trounced Monk in chess (and I was so impressed with Monk's grace in losing, as well as David's unrelenting and uncondescending rapport.) I cleaned the house and put the finishing touches on my quadruple chocolate cake masterpiece. Folks, I was totally impressed with myself. Once again, laziness reigned supreme, so rather than icing the cake smoothly, I just coated the icing with crushed chocolate cream oreos and let it set in the fridge after drizzling more icing on the top. It looked absolutely Martha! I guess it was a little lopsided, and maybe the cake was more crummy than moist, but it tasted yummy and Coley was thrilled.

I was so exhausted by the time everyone left, and was elated that my friend Megan offered to take Coley home with her for a bit so I could get some rest. I totally took advantage of a nice nap while Monk played with Coley's new toys. And then I rescued a kitten and then we went to pick up Coley.

But back to Pansy kicking ass. I came home today, after a long day and having not done a tremendous amount of clean up after the party...the kids were all playing with the kitty* and the house was significantly cleaner than it was when I left. Pansy was all "Oh, I felt sort of lazy today, so I didn't get around to bathing the dog. But I did manage to patch your wall, re-cover the futon, and fold all of your clothes for you."

I told her she was fired.

Well, OK, allegedly MONK folded the clothes, but she taught him how.

*This would be the same cat that I INSIST no one name, and yet...um...do you guys prefer "eli" (as in Eli, the Barrow Boy) or Melville (as in, our other cat is Poe.)

Which is to say (and don't you dare tell my kids this) that cat isn't going anywhere unless we find an owner AND get a nice reward. Happy Birthday, Coley.

Sunday Morning

October 17, 2005

Burning Door reminded me about our Sunday morning yesterday. We were graced with the presence of dear itinerantMr. Rowland. He joined us for pumpkin pancakes, challenged Monk to a game of chess, and discussed issues of racism and segregation with me before the children performed "The Mariner's Revenge Song" for him. I can't tell if David was as amused by the song as we are, but he did point out that the music tells the story as much as the words do. And he's right, as is burning door in the above linked post:

I often feel that The Decemberists have become so associated with there esoteric and literary lyrics that many have overlooked what talented musicians they are. See them once live and you will never overlook that fact.

and this post proves that you can give me any excuse, any at all, to talk about the Decemberists, and I will indeed take you up on it.

Owning your bullshit - and calling it out.

October 17, 2005

I want to applaud Mike Wise forliving up to his name. I appreciate the