Dru Blood - I believe in the inherent goodness of all beings: The Beagle (a rant)

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« The Politics of Hurt Feelings | Main | The Pit of Punkness. »

The Beagle (a rant)

October 15, 2005

The gate came open today, and both dogs escaped. Basically, lately the beagle has decided that once she is out, that is it. She has decided that even if I am calling to her, she does not need to return. She has decided that if she is within arm's reach, she can turn tail and run. And she does.

But the boxer was out with her, and I actually give a shit about the boxer (again, I am sorry to say it, but when a dog runs from me as if I have beaten her whenever she digs, chews, or bashes her way under, around, or through the fence (and if you think I am kidding, I can show you the hole that stubborn brat chewed in the gate) I can only HOPE she doesn't return) so we got in the car and went on a search mission.

We found them harrassing some folks and their dogs. The beagle was in the middle of the street, barking. The boxer immediately came back to the van and hopped in. The beagle ran down the street, away from me. Barking. I drove after her. Stopped, got out. She ran. I drove (I had the kids with me, and even if I didn't - she is much, much faster than I am in a footrace and, like, no way I am going to run down the street chasing after the most stubborn fucking dog on the face of the planet) stopped...got out. She ran. She did this all the way home. At one point, some guy tried to catch her. Couldn't do it. She ran to the house and made like she was going to the porch. We all got out of the van, and she fucking took off barking down the road.

Seriously. That dog. I don't know. I know that everyone I know is sick of hearing me complain about her. They are all like "find her a new home!" or even "What if we 'accidentally' lose her in a forest somewhere?" But she is Monk's dog & it would destroy him to lose her. But she's won. I mean, there's nothing I can do to keep her in the yard (Clay has some good ideas, but it's like we have to build a fortress out there) & now when she gets out, she only comes back when she's damn good and ready (Which, granted, is usually within 30 minutes or so. At that point, she usually lets herself IN through the same hole she let herself OUT of and, if the back door is open, waltzes right back into the house - looking for water and a place to crash. She's like the reincarnated soul of all of the drug addicts I have ever known!)

I hate beagles as much as I hate Earthlink. Never again. Never, ever NEVER everevernever EVER ever again will I EVER take a beagle into my home. I realize now that it was a mistake to get rid of the boston. The boston at least had some redeeming characteristics. He was cute and bug-eyed and he didn't perpetually smell like someone's ass. I am totally tempted to just give up and never let that damn dog into the house again.

OK, I feel a LITTLE better now. I need to go bake a cake and clean up my house in preparation for Coley's b-day party. I've plugged up the hole in the fence (again) and when that damn dog comes back, I'm escorting her to the yard where she can stay until I'm damn good and ready to let her into the house (or until she finds a new way to escape which, really...it's only a matter of time.

Damn fucking stubborn ass dog.

Posted at October 15, 2005 8:31 PM

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Comments

I found this post because I googled the words "I hate Beagles". I can totally relate. My boyfriend has a god-awful Beagle. Now don't get me wrong, I love dogs. Absolutely love them. But this Beagle is a nightmare in progress. A nightmare that won't end. If you ever want someone to talk to, email me. No kidding. We can start a support group or something.

Posted by: Melissa at May 15, 2006 9:10 AM

I'm the proud new owner of ihatebeagles.com (15 minutes old) and my story is similar to yours, except our little terror has a schizoid persona and has attacked both of us and will look me in the eye as he poops on the new rug.

I too Googled 'i hate beagles' and found your blog. *hugs* is all I have to say. I also fantasize accidentally leaving him in the desert (our version of forest).

"Never again. Never, ever NEVER everevernever EVER ever again will I EVER take a beagle into my home."

I second the support group idea.

Posted by: Kirsten at April 1, 2007 11:17 AM

The only reason you hate beagles is because you have taken care of them properly. They are a hound with a very strong nose so they might try and run away if you don't train them properly. Are you too stupid to understand this. I have had three beagles at three seperate times and if you have half a brain, they are the best dogs on the planet. In fact I'm waiting for my fourth one to grow up right now so I can bring it home.

Posted by: Eric at April 24, 2007 7:51 PM

Omg, I don't know where to start. My beagle..er I mean demon dog is the worst mistake I ever made. He eats my sons food and anything else there is around. I put it all up high and but he will hover the counters trying so damn hard to get the food. I put up gates to keep him away from the kitchen and my son while hes eating but the dog barks and wines constantly, jumps the gates or barges them down...even in a crate he barks like cray and wines. When he starts garfing my sons food from his plate I try and take him away and he tries to attack me! I have done all the training and he listens but for 2 seconds. I have to tell him to get on his bed every 2 mins when were eating or im doing something with food. He just walks in like nothing, goes in the garbage...eats whatever he can before I catch him. He has ever 20 feet of cloth line to run on but insists on pulling to go further or barking like a insane person for no reason. HE has chewed almost everything because he has separation anxiety and when we get up I have to rush around with my son getting him outside or he will crap in the living room and pee on my couch! I mean when will it stop? I give him pads for the day in case and he just tears them up and craps and pees everywhere...even if I crate him. I cant take it anymore! I just cant, I want to cry. BUT my boyfriend will NOT get rid of him or even consider putting him on meds. He says training is the key, but he doesn't take the time to train him. I brought him to all the training but its like he forgot everything and becomes stubborn. Is there any hope.? Im at lost

Posted by: Sandy at March 31, 2008 8:36 AM

I found these post absolutely disgusting. Beagles are a hound, a highly intelligent dog with a strong sense of smell and hunting instincts. As many other dogs, they require many hours of constant training and love from their owner. If you had ever bothered to get off your lazy ass and train your dog then you would not have this problem. I suggest that you take the dog to a Beagle rescue centre ASAP and hope that someone who actually likes and cares about dogs will take it home and give it the love, training and attention that it needs and deserves. You don't deserve to own a lovely, intelligent and loving dog.

Posted by: Emma at June 7, 2008 6:08 PM