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« A Dru Blood Sex Fantasy for You | Main | Little Wing »
Something True, Something Lovely...
December 30, 2005
I'm getting a late start on the "getting stuff done" phase of my vacation, because I've been basking in the "decidedly NOT getting ANYTHING done" phase. But, you know what? In the words of my dear son, Monk: "Fuck it!"
Yesterday, I spent a good portion of the day crawling back into bed over and over again after another late night spent talking. I slept, and wrote, and thought, and read, and then I went to pick up Harold & we hung out having one of those expansive, handwaving, loud conversations that we always used to have. It had been about 9 years since the last time I saw him. NINE YEARS. And we picked up like we had never let off. Damnit...I think I am the most fortunate person in the world, you know? Where do I find these amazing people who always have so much to say and shine and shine and shine and shine.
I had a great time hanging with Harold, talking breathlessly about music and our mutual friends and all of their personal catastrophies. Harold has lived in Prague and Boston and several different places in Austin since last we spoke. I've been here. Raising babies. Amazingly enough, that didn't seem to effect how much I had to contribute to the conversation. Damn, I missed Harold. There's no one on earth like Harold. When I dropped him off, I gave him a big growly hug. Harold. I am looking forward to seeing him again. Soon.
I came home and crawled back into bed for a bit & then David stopped over to walk Twyla with me. It's funny, because Harold and David actually have a lot in common, and I'm brimming with the possibility of bringing people together - particularly in the creative context that I think Harold and David will communicate. I just love that. It has been forever - far too long - since I felt like a hub of creativity. I love making people soup and seeing what brews up. Thinking about it, I just want to squash them both, brew them up a pot of coffee, and let them go. Also, it hit me that I have already found the walking partner I was wishing for at the beginning of last month or whenever. I look up, and there he is right next to me. Comfortable and open to whatever. I love that. I'm so spoiled. I always get what I want.
David hung out for awhile and watched a movie with me. Vampire's Kiss. I haven't seen it in awhile, but it's one of the movies that I like to make everyone watch. Basically, it's a kind of bizarre twist on a vampire story. It's actually an elaborate pun the punchline of which is "Yuppies suck." hahahahahaha. It's one of Nicholas Cage's earlier roles, and he does such a fantastic job as a totally unlikable, gradually-growing-delusional yuppie prick that you don't even feel bad that he's going slowly insane. You just laugh. Because he's such an ass. At least *I* laugh.
This morning when I woke up, I was still in a good mood. I feel like my heart is going to burst right out of my chest. While I was in the parking lot of the grocery store, the source of my joy really hit me. It's simply this: I am alive. After all of the anger and negative bullshit and abuse and all of that other crap that has permeated my life over the past 7 years or so, I'm finding that I'm OK. I'm fucking ALIVE. And I don't have to be nearly as careful as I thought I had to be with my heart. I'm not nearly as fragile or vulnerable to attack as I thought I was...because whatever happens, I am alive. I am strong. I am whole.
I am alive.
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Comments
Sounds like you are getting your new year started off right. Let 2006 be the year of the friend!
yay!