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« Random Thought From the Mind of a 9-year Old | Main | My weird children are at it again. »
Keep the bastards guessin'
April 28, 2006
I am for sure going straight to Craig's list hell for something I did today:
I am about to explode in a gush of menstrual fluid. Need sex. Pronto. Any volunteers?
I posted the ad at 3:30, and at 5:07 it was "removed by the craigslist community."
However, not before I received over fifty responses from some extremely kind men who were more than happy to volunteer for the task at hand.
And I thought men were squeamish about such things!
I kind of wonder why it was removed...perhaps it was because it was more of a hook-up sounding ad posted on the general board. I entertained the thought of posting a similar ad on women for women, men for women (perhaps with reference to seminal fluid or something, rather than menstrual fluid) and men for men (with the same change) to see if I got as many responses and, more importantly, if the ad would be yanked. But I decided against it.
I did not do this to make fun of those who responded to the ad. That would be kind of mean. However, I did get some pretty interesting responses. Only one person congratulated me for a "funny post" - the rest took me dead seriously. One guy endearingly typed "GROSS!" in the subject line of his email, but then wrote "but pick me!" in the body. I think I liked him the best!
It was an interesting social experiment, to say the least.
And it kind of made me wonder about people who have the mindset that allows them to have a totally random, casual sexual encounter...especially one that might include bloody bodily fluids. You know? And I want to be careful here, because I definitely don't think there's anything wrong with "hooking up" or whatever if that is your thing. It's not really my bag, but I can't hold anything against people who are able to honestly articulate their needs and have a respectful reciprocal interaction with someone that satisfies those needs.
However, as I've spent the past few months attempting to meet and get to know people, and finding that it's terribly difficult to get close to people in a completely non-sexual way...I wonder if sex is our only means of connecting with each other. And, if so...is that a symptom of a larger problem, or is it the cause? Or is it just normal? It seems like it's so fucking hard (pardon the punny innuendo!) to truly connect with people. People are SO PROTECTIVE of what is inside of them...that it causes us to grasp at the physical to approximate the spiritual/emotional connection. And then, when you do meet someone you can connect with on some level, it's all scarcity scare, you know? You can't possibly allow anyone else to get what you got...because you might never get it again - from that person, or anyone else.
I dunno, all of this stuff is jumbled around in my brain. I'm happy lately with all of the weird little social interactions I am going out of my way to establish in my life...but there is a part of me that still feels like I'm pacing back and forth behind the bars of a cage, swiping at people who are trying to feed me. Demanding more, and slowly starving. It is as if the more clear I am about what I need in my life, the more impossible it becomes to obtain it. And, really, what I want is pretty damn simple. Connection. For me, it's like a piece of cake. I'm happy to overshare and snuggle up in the arms of anyone who seems the slightest bit safe and non-ax-murderish. And I happen to know that I am safe and non-ax-murderish myself, but all I get is fear and hesitation from people. As if sharing what is inside of your soul is something that needs to be protected. As if somehow you can create safety in seclusion.
I don't get it, but I'm not really frustrated or annoyed by it. I'm a little amused. I'm terribly in love with people. I have at least one huge crush right now, and several smaller ones. I'm enjoying those feelings for what they are...and I'm wishing it wasn't so freaking scary for people to share. I know I didn't cause the fear, and I know I can't make it go away, but -oh- I want to! I want to cure and heal and in so doing be cured and healed. over and over again.
So, yeah. Funny how a silly little experiment can cause so much reflection. I should thank all of those horny craig's list boys for their contribution to my day. Thanks, guys! I hope you find what you are looking for! I know I did.
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