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The Boys

May 24, 2006

It is evident that the boys are feeling some stress over their impending 3-week mama vacation. I might say that Coley seems to be particularly affected by it, but Monk has his way of stifling his feelings...or expressing them in odd ways. I have grown somewhat accustomed to it, but it still strikes me sometimes how differently my boys deal with difficult situations.

For instance, Coley has been waking up every night and coming into my room. Today's episode involved him coming into my room, and then crying because he was "having illusions" (his words) that the chair was a monster. I finally had to turn on the light to show him that the chair was, indeed, a chair. And we had a discussion about how it is normal to be afraid of things like that in the night and you need only shed some light on the situation to chase away that fear. Later in the morning, he woke up crying. He is feeling sad because he will miss me when he is at papa's house. There was a lot of talk about how we can have some sadness inside even when we are doing happy things, and that it is important to let that sadness out. So we both cried for a bit, and then Coley felt better and went back to sleep.

I didn't feel much better, though. I know my kids will be fine, but there are some things that their papa is doing in the discipline arena that upset me immensely, and there is really nothing I can do about it. While I feel like these things are incredibly inappropriate, they are not illegal...and it is argued by some that they are actually helpful. It is difficult for me to feel so strongly opposed to these practices...and have my children tell me about them...and have to stand by and allow them when I feel that they are damaging. What do you say to a child when they tell you that the other parent is doing something that you wholeheartedly disagree with, but you don't want to confuse them? I don't want to make the efforts of the other parent futile by being combative, and I don't want to confuse my children, but I desperately want to protect them. I feel like this is one of those things that I am being forced to let go, and I will have to maybe explain to them the best way I know how when they are older. It is distressing to me, though. And I think the timing of the decision on their papa's part to engage in these practices is...disconcertingly...seemingly manipulative.

At any rate. Coley and I have been getting in a lot of snuggle and "I love you" time. I am going to make them each a little picture book to bring with them. Photos of me. Photos of them. Photos of Twyla. Photos of all of us together. Silly photos. And they know my number, and they will be in town almost the whole time. And mama will miss them, but I will also be having fun. My life is complete with them and without them, but they definitely make it more complete.

Coley and I actually talked about emotions and how to express them and how an artist uses emotions to create good art.

And then Monk walks in, in his way, and says "I am going to miss you when I am at dad's house, mom." Which of course makes my heart all melty because Monk is Mr. tough-as-nails-hard-to-get and so rarely expresses emotion that starkly honest. Even though it is so so obvious to me what he is feeling most of the time. But then he adds "Because I won't have anyone to ANNOY."

*sigh* My monk. Of course, he totally had tears in his eyes as he was saying this. So I just smiled and mussed his hair and told him that I would put pictures of him waving his butt at the camera in his picture book, because that way he could look at them and remember all of the times I tried to take a cute picture of him and he, literally, turned tail.

My boys. *sigh*

It is going to be a rough 3 weeks for me. Be on the lookout for a million sappysad posts and/or total silence...or exagerrated silliness. Or other signs of mamaloss.

Posted at May 24, 2006 10:40 AM

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Comments

Ah-- I hate it when my kids are gone, even overnight, even though I continually gripe about not having enough solitude and about never having my own bed and so on. I also miss my kids like hell when I'm the one who is gone.

Which is all to say, I hear you! I'll hold yer hand while they are gone if you need me to.

Heart

Posted by: Heart at May 25, 2006 1:39 PM

the different (ahem) parenting styles is a big issue. sorry i have no clue or answer for you on this! i figure that the Kid, like your kids, will turn out just fine (ie not a republican - lol, you so made me laugh with that!), with the parents he was given, no matter what. heck, my dad was a manipulative controlling obsessive violent alcoholic and i'm okay (no really)! it kinda warps my persperctive, ya know - well, it isn't as bad as what i had to go through! but really i figure it's good for a child to see and experience more than one parenting style. i hope;-)

Posted by: five blue at May 25, 2006 6:04 PM

Well, I had a counseling session with the other parent, and even though I don't really agree with his decision, I can now see that he at least thought it out and had a reason for doing what he did. It wasn't just something he felt like doing all willy nilly.

Posted by: drublood at June 2, 2006 12:34 AM

OH, and Heart! Thanks for the encouragement. I think I am doing much much better now, but it was heinous those first few days. Gah! It's so QUIET here.

Posted by: drublood at June 2, 2006 12:35 AM