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« ass from head, extracted. | Main | Chess Lessons »
Should I order cyanide, or order champagne?
July 28, 2006
When the kids are around, we call this "Dance Party USA" - basically, playing music loud and running around cleaning up the house.
Right now, I'm listening to a warbly old tape recording of the Beatles' White Album. No...now it's The Pixies - Surfer Rosa. And the kids aren't around. I wish my cassettes weren't all fucked up like this. This album kicks ass. Your bones got a little machine!
You're so pretty when you're faithful to me!
But, anyway...that's not why I'm writing this post at 8:30 on a Friday night when I have no excuse to be at home because the kids are BOTH at a slumber party except that I really fucking need to clean the house, so I ordered a pizza and am now dancing around trying to get stuff done in the most roundabout way possible.
But, still...that is not why I am sitting here tawkin' atchya. The thing is. I was wondering. How come is it that when I fall in love with someone. When I finally make that decision, or when that decision finally makes me, to just surrender completely and stand to face that oncoming train with open-handed arms extended at but away from my sides and my head turned to one side but one eye steadfastly fixed on that one grimglorious headlamp. Chest heaving. Thumping. Fluttering like gills in this liquid eternity.
Why is it that when I am there and feeling the most beautiful feelings I can imagine and at the same time mourning the one day loss of these feelings because, really, isn't that inevitable with all love...Why is it that tying myself to these tracks again and allowing myself to let go and let go and let go of my fear...Why is it...why is it...why is it that meeting that diesel head on and splitting soundless like smoke always. ALWAYS. always makes me just say..."Ah Fuck."
"I got a broken face! uh huh!"
(Gigantic. My big big love.)
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