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« The Ear of an Antelope | Main | I am not a mess. I am just messy. »
Single Parenting
July 21, 2006
WARNING: Whining and self-pity abounds in this post. Go read the fucking news if you want real trauma.
There are weeks where being a single parent sucks ass. This week is one of them. This week is one of those weeks where I would like to slap every single person I have ever known who has even thought to question why women stay in less-than-ideal relationships - even WAY less-than-ideal ones. Because I know why. It's because parenting without another adult is a fucking trial and a half.
I have spent 4 hours in commute this week to and from childcare for my kids, in 100+ degree weather (at least that's what it felt like) in my un-air-conditioned car. The best part is that I live 10 minutes from where I work. Plus I was sick. Am still sick. 4 hours of travel for 8 hours of work.
So, I am wondering why I am laying here feeling restless, but too tired to do anything. And feeling really hungry, but not having an appetite. I very rarely ever have trouble sleeping, but tonight...I can't fucking sleep.
The kids are gone, but they will be back in less than 5 hours, and then I have to be up for errands and a stupid dental appointment for them at which I am sure I will get the guilt trip of a lifetime because Monk's teeth are so messed up. And I have to drive out to Round Rock and back for that appointment in mid-afternoon heat, and pay way too much because hurricane Coley got us banned from the dentist that is actually covered by their insurance (and is 10 minutes away.) haha. Oh, that kid. ha! At least that is making me laugh.
I am just tired, is all. There are weeks like this when I want to say "fuck it" and find the most normal, non-challenging, hard-working sap of a man I can manage to snag and somehow figure out how to con him into co-parenting with me. Just long enough for me to catch my fucking breath. Or woman. Fuck. Even moving to Chicago to live with my mom is sounding appealing to me right now.
Like everything else, this will pass. I am making myself a sandwich to silence my growling stomach, and if I can't get to sleep soon after that, I will just take the damn dog for a damn walk and wear myself out that way.
Fucking goddamn hell ass bitch shit fucking goddamn fuck.
ha! There!
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Comments
I've been there. My youngest is now 17, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel for you. It does get better.
Perfect. Well said. Amen!
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs, hon.
he... got you banned from the dentist's??! is this a story i missed? if not, i wanna know it! (and don't ever tell my Kid with the tooth that wouldn't die (the adult tooth has grown behind it and the dead one's been hanging on for a year now!) that he can get banned from a dentist's! cause he will you know, he will!)
I cried when I read your posting. Its 9:30 on a Friday night and I am on the internet looking up "Single Parenting Sucks" to stop myself from screaming at my two year old son. He won't go to sleep and I thinking of drinking myself into a coma to get some sleep myself. Being a single Mom is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I am (by appearances) a well adjusted, successful business woman. In reality, most days I am not sure if I should laugh at my son, or cry about the life I have created for myself with him. I just had strep throat and the flu for three weeks and my son decided he wasn't going to sleep for two nights in a row. I had to go to work and pull off a meeting with twenty plus people and manage not to tell all of them to fuck off just for looking at me. So go ahead and swear and take your dog for a walk girlfriend. I know exactly what you are going though and how you feel!