DruBlood
Home
Dramatis Personae
Archives
Contact
Feed the Bleed
Amazon wish list
Cole’s birthday - 10/24
Monk’s birthday - 12/2
Dru’s birthday - 1/5
Search
Archives
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002
Special thanks
adam host
julie template queen
kd general lusciousness
pea guru
Powered byMovable Type 1.5
« Meme, adult style | Main | Friends. »
(for)giving 'til it hurts
August 22, 2006
I had another one of THOSE conversations with my mom the other day. The one where I am telling her about all of the mishaps I have managed to get myself into and all of their joyful resolutions. I was telling her about a friend of mine and I who were in the midst of a falling out, and I was saying that I felt compelled to forgive this person. That forgiving makes me feel good, and NOT forgiving makes me miserable. And that I have to believe that the right thing to do is the thing that makes me feel good.
Of course, this led her to request...insistently...that I forgive my sister. Or make amends. Or whatever in her mind needs to happen between me and my sister so she can feel at peace with her role as a mother.
*sigh*
"Mom" I said "Did I not just say that I tend to err on the side of forgiveness more than anything else? What about what I just said would lead you to believe that I am not in touch with myself enough to know when to forgive and when to NOT forgive."
"How would you feel" she retorted "If your boys got into a fight and couldn't forgive each other."
"That is not fair, mom. I have no idea how I would feel. All I know is how I feel about this situation now. I can't forgive someone no matter how much someone else wants me to. I am sorry."
She was disappointed, but resigned. I was...a little pissed. It's hard enough for me to hold my ground with people. To not allow myself to be stepped on and mistreated. To stand up for myself. She has witnessed that many, many times. And I have given my sister plenty of chances in our lifetimes. I finally quit. Damnit. I quit. Quitting is so freaking hard for me...but I quit trying with my sister. Just like I quit trying with my father. And I am at peace with that decision. And if there is a time when I feel not at peace with that decision, I will know it is time to forgive.
I mention this now because Monk and I had a big blowout tonight. It was about some homework thingy that I assigned to him yesterday that he has been flopping around complaining about for 2 days and adding that tiny extra bit of stress to my life that I just don't freaking need right now. I tried to punish him by sending him to bed, but he just sits up and reads. How do you force a child to go to sleep? And anyway, I yanked the boombox out of his room so he could no longer listen to his book on tape (which is 1066: The year of a conquest. The child listens to freaking HISTORY tapes for freaking ENTERTAINMENT. I mean, how dumb is it to punish him for not doing his homework by forcing him to NOT listen to a heavy history lesson? Gah! Being a parent forces me to do the dumbest fucking things sometimes, I SWEAR!) and then I sat in my room staring at the computer screen feeling miserable that my little man and I were fighting with each other. He is SUCH a great kid. And he is trying so hard to be sweet and cooperative and helpful. He's a stubborn ass sometimes, just like his wonderful mama...and it drives me crazy, but he's not torturing small animals or anything.
So, I went with my instinct. 80% of the parenting books in the world tell you that you need to make a punishment stick. I say, fuck that. I say, listen to your instinct. If forgiving makes you feel better, then forgive! Forgive! Forgive!
I went into his room and pulled the book from his hands and turned it upside down on the bed. I held his precious little face in my hands and I said "Are you sorry?"
Tears were brimming in his eyes. "Yes."
That's all I needed to hear, but of course I am still a mom, so I went into overexplaining/overasking of questions mode. And he responded affirmatively to all of my mommy questions until I finally said "are you really saying yes, or are you just trying to shut me up?"
He laughed.
I laughed.
All is forgiven. I love that child. Fuck 80% of the parenting books. I will be able to sleep tonight, and so will he. And I'm pretty sure he will turn out OK.
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://mt.riceweevil.com/tb/11932
Comments
'm pretty sure he will turn out OK.
as a rather down-home acquaintance from Winnipeg observed on kid no. 3, "they're hard to kill."
The time you spent to act on your instinct and the sweet moments afterwards are the things that will make the relationship real, intimate and true.
Trust your gut.