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Life and such

November 28, 2006

Life and stuff
We have a houseguest today. A small, 6 year old houseguest, who is here while his mother has something taken care of. It's a traumatic day, and he is oblivious, which is a Good Thing. He and Coley are in the living room calling dibs on everything. Monk is reading. I am drinking coffee. It's going to take a bit to get me going this morning. I convinced myself to go on a walk late last night, after having spent much of the evening trying to talk myself out of it. I'm glad I walked, but I always pay for it in the morning in tiredness.

Saturday is Monk's birthday. He will be 10. I have a child who is double digits. Or will be. I am old. Old. Old. Old.

The Thanksgiving weekend was good for me. I had a lot on my mind. I thought over a lot of stuff and came to a lot of conclusions about my life. Mainly about the way I spend my time. I lack motivation in some areas that I need to work harder on. If I can be vague and specific at the same time. I spent the entire weekend shirking all social obligations and just hanging out with me and the kids, and it was wonderful. They are great kids. They are enough. I have to remind myself of that. Anything else is Extra. It might not be what I had ever imagined my ideal family to be, but three IS a magic number.

Like I said, I need to remind myself of that. Over and over again. Especially in the midst of a season in which the warmth and idealism of a two-adult family (with or without kids) is shoved down my throat at every turn. I swear I am going to have to avoid television, because if I see one more commercial about how I am worthless unless some man is buying me a car or a diamond ring, I am going to freaking vomit. And the worst part is that it makes me feel worthless in spite of myself. I don't even LIKE freaking diamonds. I would have to give someone a long, hard look (and not in a good way) if they ever gave me a diamond ring. But, you know, this shit is insidious. Hahaha.

At any rate, other than feeling like I am washed up and worthless in the romance department, I am doing great. hahaha. I have, you know, invented my very own holiday to avoid dealing with all of the christmas crap. The kids are not going to be with me for the solstice this year, so I'm thinking about just hanging out by myself or with one other person and staying up all night making art. I might even buy myself that huge canvas I have been promising myself so I can take a stab at painting. I want to create something big. Perhaps mixed media. I don't know. I want it to remind me of all of the beautiful things I harbor and nurture and never let die.

Anyway, yeah. Monk will be 10. The tenth anniversary of Monk's birth. It is difficult to believe. Wow.

Posted at November 28, 2006 9:45 AM

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Comments

Ten is a big number but you are not old! These damn holidays, I tell ya. If we can just make it through the next five weeks, we'll be okay.

Better than okay, actually.

Posted by: j. brotherlove at November 28, 2006 1:27 PM

I totally get the diamond ring thing. As much as I don't like them (my engagement ring is one, but that's cuz the hubby is old school), each time I see an ad, I think "I think I'd like one." then I snap outta it. Amazing...

Happy 10th anniversary as a Momma!

Posted by: Roni at November 28, 2006 1:56 PM

Great mom... great kids... you think there may be a link? ;-)

Oh, DO paint! let it all out!

Posted by: vieux bandit at November 29, 2006 9:10 AM