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« Five Things Meme | Main | The Boys »
Love the Life you Live
January 28, 2007
[source]
I'll be honest. It was a sucky week. Everything was all knocked off kilter due to various scheduling trickeries I had to pull in order to simply get to work every day. Come to think of it, it has been a sucky few weeks. I have had a difficult time finding reasons to enjoy life. Inspiration comes in small doses and is measured out in tiny spoonfuls into the gaping ocean of my life.
And yet. Somehow...Impossibly...I find ways to remind myself. Like going to a random website linked to off of someone's last.fm page and finding the photo above. A simple photo with a simple message that had me singing "And if you can't live the life you love, honey...LOVE the life you LIVE!" to myself all weekend long.
And it works in theory and in application. There just seem to be several situations in my life over which I have no control. I am bothered by this, and I attempt to exert whatever small amount of control I can muster in order to deal with the frustration of having none that is direct. This doesn't help, so I have to learn to let go. I have to learn to surrender. I have to learn to love the life I live.
And there are plenty of opportunities to practice this. With my children today on our Sunday hike. Things didn't go as planned and Monk spent the entire time moping, disappointed that the spot we chose was so much better the last time. We are suddenly invaded by overly-friendly dogs, and I marvel over the fact that I would rather sit down and be molested by canines than simply stand up for myself...by simply standing up. I marvel because, you know what? Sometimes it's true. Sometimes it's ok to remain seated. Sometimes magic exists in the things you allow to happen without influence or coercion.
In attempting the talk the children into having a good time, pointing out all that I was observing, talking about expectations and disappointment, discussing how to learn to love the life you live in kid-terminology. It occurred to me that this, too, was a point of surrender. It suddenly struck me that my children, in choosing find the worst in the situation, were merely giving me an opportunity to share with them the methods I have learned to employ all of my life to escape those negative thought patterns that would tend to keep me bound to ennui and terminal disappointment. In their way, they are allowing me to leverage their misery into a life lesson that will hopefully provide them with coping skills they can use later in life. They are forcing me to teach them, through consistency and repetition, how to love the life they live.
And they know this. They griped the entire way back to the car while I tripped along pointing out the edges of trees against sky, the red robin fluttering through the trees, the particular shape of a horseshoe. All of these things that they have pointed out to me countless times in brighter moments (which, believe me, are more numerous than the miserable ones, if hopelessly underappreciated). At one point, they began to grip about how cold they were. Monk looked at me slyly saying "You could have WARNED US!" Laughing because he KNEW before we left the house I had asked them, countless times, if they wanted jackets, warmer clothes, etc. and both of them poo pooed my experience and chose to wear short sleeves/shorts...no socks on their feet. My obstinate children.
But it's all good. This is all a part of that life that I love and am living. And the same week that gave me frustration and sadness and anger gave me a humongous tickle war (which I WON - don't you fucking listen to what Monk would tell you!) and lots of good music to listen to and overly friendly dogs shaking creek water on us all and horses and riders and thoughts and feelings and most of all, love. Love and practice loving the life I live.
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