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Coley is watching a PBS show in which the puppets are embarking on a journey to discover whether trees have spirits.
Coley: The seeds!
Mama: The seeds?
Coley: Yeah, the spirit of the tree is in the seed.
Mama: Why's that, bird?
Coley: Because without the seed, a tree can't grow.
(sounds good so far, eh?)
Mama: Do YOU have a spirit, bird?
Coley: Yeah.
Mama: What is your spirit?
Coley: (short pause)
Coley: A fart!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. My child.
Coley crawled into my bed at 4 in the morning, complaining of a sick stomach. I was wary, not wanting to wake up to a vomity bed, but I welcomed him anyway.
A minute later, he was running for the toilet and retching. I rubbed his back...got him some water...and it was back to bed.
Snuggling in, Coley put his arms around my neck. "I love you, mama" he said, paused, then asked "Mom? How does barf come up?"
I have always really admired Dawn for speaking up about the inherent inequity of even just the concept of adoption. Like many institutions that we take for granted, it depends upon gross disparity for its mere existence. It's something that seems so obvious now after reading Dawn's blog for so long, but I don't think I ever would have thought about it if Dawn did not work so hard to keep putting the issue on the table.
Today, she linked up this post by another mama who is also tireless in her efforts to keep raising the important issues about adoption and inequality, who says:
The question is, how did I end up in a position to adopt and how did Rose and so many women like her, end up in a position not to be able to keep their babies (or to be able to prevent having them in the first place if they choose)? I do think that in a considerably more "perfect world" there might very well still sometimes be women who become pregnant and yet just simply don't want to be parents. There might be orphans whose parents have died. There might be women who want to parent with people not genetically kin to their children. So sure, there would be adoption in that world. But there would not be such disparity of privilege--race, class, cultural and national privilege--that render some women adopters and some women first mothers automatically, almost as if stamped on their heads at birth.
I am thankful that she did.
I am not sure if I have posted links to any of these, but I have been collaborating with a friend of mine on some soundscapes. Basically, I get to walk around talking to myself, and he takes my words and makes them somehow more. He's a freaking genius, is what he is...and I love the result. It almost makes it bearable to listen to myself talk.
Anyway, here are some links to the posts on my vox page:
Enjoy! I am hoping there are more to come.
Took the kids on a little bus trip today down to auditorium shores in lovely Austin Texas to see if all this fuss about Mr. Obama has any basis in reality.
I should preface this entire post by saying that I am jaded by pretty much all politicians. I don't believe anything any of them say and I'm not liable to vote for anyone who will have the remotest chance of winning in the presidential election. You can argue with me all you want about how I am "wasting my vote" - I have heard it all before and, frankly, I am not interested in discussing it. That said, it was somewhat painful to be standing in line with diehard Obama supporters who were talking to me and my children as if my allegiance to Obama was something to be taken for granted. It is not. While I think Obama is significantly more palatable than just about any presidential hopeful (who has any hope) I have seen in my voting lifetime, he is still a freaking politician and I am still freaking wary of politicians. I am interested in what the man says and the way he says it. I think he is a genius in the art of oration, actually. I felt very fortunate to have the opportunity to hear him speak. However, when the cameraman from some news station in Dallas shoved the camera in my face to get me to tell him why I had brought my children out (he actually asked if they were my brothers! hahahaha! I guess that's how he gets people to loosen up and talk to him.) I really could not muster any pep rally levels of enthusiasm for him. I said we were here because we homeschool and this is history in the making, to which Monk wisecracked (good fucking lord that child!) "The making of movies is always boring, so I am assuming this making of history is also going to be pretty boring." I am sure we looked like ennui-stricken ugly americans, which is why the guy was totally salivating over us. He was probably from Fox, and we are probably now the poster children for the anti-obama campaign.
At any rate, I found a nice spot for the children to play, and they found a ratty old tennis ball someone had left behind and an impromptu game of soccer broke out. I narrowly averted one of coley's all-day temper tantrums by allowing him to make videos with my camera, and I barely was able to endure the AWFUL AWFUL GOD DAMN so fucking awful opening band that almost had me packing up to go home they were so bad. So so fucking bad. But I toughed it out and the next band (one of the neville brothers? I didn't catch who it was exactly) was much much more pleasing to the ear and then came some woman who I just don't know who she was or why she was introducing Mr. Obama (or should I be saying senator obama? I guess I should be. Or "Our Future President" Obama is probably preferable) and then I moved the kids forward to see if MAYBE we could catch a glimpse of this man everyone is raving about.
A glimpse was about all I caught visually, but I have to say Obama gave a really impressive speech. He was humble, yet his presence (even disembodied) was commanding. I did not disagree with anything he said, and I was impressed on several levels with the words he chose to communicate his points. Does anyone know if he writes his own speeches? I know it's not common, but the words he spoke seemed so his own, it is hard to imagine that he has a speechwriter. And damn it feels so slimy to have to even wonder if a potential president writes his own platform speeches! But anyway...yeah. All of his points were good. He had all of the what's and why's in place...but none of the HOW & damnit, I want to know HOW. I understand that's probably not something that needs to be fleshed out at this time, but wouldn't it be nice if it was?
At any rate, yeah. He's an impressive man and it was a freaking huge crowd. I am not good at estimating crowd size at all, but the only other presidential rally I have ever been to was Howard Dean's 2004 Rally here in Austin and everyone thought that crowd was impressive. This crowd was easily 5-10 times that size. If nothing else, it was nice to look around and see that many people who Give A Fuck, you know? (I just looked at the website, and it said 20k! Twenty thousand people! My, that IS impressive.)
And I am downplaying my appreciation of Obama. When we got home from the rally (after much ballyhoo and bellyaching from the peanut gallery about all of the walking their evil mother was forcing them to do) I got the texts that my friend Sam had sent after my phone battery died. I asked him what he thought of it all. He said he came away a lot more impressed than he thought he would...as he was expecting the same old politician song and dance. I felt likewise, and added that (as I stated above) I just can't get over the fact that he is a politician and therefore his sincerity is suspect. Like I said to Pansy, he really SEEMED humble and committed and sincere.
Who knows? I am glad I went, and I am happy I brought the kids along. I think (I HOPE) they will thank me for it later, even though the spent almost the entire time rolling around in the dirt and/or whining about having to walk. I am no less jaded about politicians than I was before I went, but I am a little more motivated to participate in the process.
I can't believe how badly I have been neglecting my dear sweet bloggy blog. I think I am frustrated with the comment spam and having to approve comments and all that jazz and I have been using vox and myspace and even last.fm more for blogging, although my heart belongs to drublood, my first bloggy love!
At any rate, I have some updates, if not any actual writing.
First, I am finally going to say this out loud with a date attached to it because I am afraid if I keep it to myself I will find a way to cop out or allow my partner in crime to cop out...so here goes...I am starting a zine with a friend of mine, and I am very excited about it. We are aiming for a release date of April 1st for the first issue of Panopticon. I am not sure if my partner is joking or not, but the first issue could potentially be all about how difficult it has been for us to work together. Difficult and ultimately very fun and rewarding, at least for me. He's a treat and a half, and I think the zine, whatever we end up actually writing about, will have a good deal of energy and entertainment value. We'll see what it shapes up into and becomes. I'm pretty psyched. Ok, I am VERY psyched. It's looking right now like this will primarily be a web-based zine, but we have gone back and forth several times on that issue. I am sure we will go back and forth several more times before we come to some sort of conclusion.
Second...there is no second. Now that I mentioned the first thing, it's all I can think about. I am hoping to start blogging here more, and I will definitely post more information as I get it. Yay! :)
Woke up early this morning, cold. I have this thing where, in phases, where the minute I get up my nose starts running and it makes it difficult to go back to sleep. So I was waiting around for my nose to stop running and decided I might as well go for a walk. I guess I figured it's not often that I am up early enough to watch the sun come up. And it's really kind of amazing to watch the light shift and the trees that are black against indigo sky become trees that are varying shades of brown against greyblue sky. I think trees have taught me more about negative space than any university level art class could. The branches all bumpy with buds as another faux spring is behind us. And, as I am noticing in my little weather report bar, one is upcoming, as well.
Right now, though, it's a chilly 29 degrees out there, and the walk was brisk and cool, but the music selections - as always - warmed my soul...as did thoughts of laughter and conversation throughout the week. Even though I have had a vague tiredness about me all week, it has been a good one. And now the sun is all fully out in the sky and the birds are singing and I am still not wanting sleep even though I really SHOULD. I am no longer tired, though...and might just as well go about my day as if a full night of sleep has been had. Right now, I am contemplating breakfast.
I am also thinking about a conversation I had yesterday in which a friend of mine was proposing that joy is shallow and that all creative urges arise from sorrow. I have been thinking this throughout my joyous walk, greeting my joyous day, surrounded by the joyous chirping of birds. Of course I know my friend knows better, but it struck me. Made me think a lot about happiness...not mere contentment, but utter bliss...as a creative process in and of itself. At least as much as sorrow, if not more. And it was extra super funny, because I was listening to my friend's music at the time that I thought this and noticing no small amount of joy in what he has created...no small amount and on occasion an absolute and unmistakable ecstatic expression of love for life. In fact, it's one of the reasons I admire him so.
So, yeah. That's me. Stumbling along feeling mystified and alive and watching the day break (and now...trying HARD not to think about Barry Freaking Manilow)("and let it shine! Shine! Shine! All around the world!")(ah...fuck!) and listening to bird songs and dog sighs and that certain silence that exists in a house that is absent its children.
Love love. Hope yr day is wonderful.
Swimmers
by Broken Social Scene
I was
Waiting for you
I was
Standing around
I was
Getting older
I was
Going down
If you always get up late
You'll never be on time
If you always make it after lunch
ba ba dada
I've done work
Oh, the day never comes
And I stand up
Waiting on
I saw you down there
I know you were tired
I saw you
You looked like a swimmer
I wanna be with you
All of the time
Why can't you satisfy?
You look good
But you sound better
You were the best I had
If you always get up late
You're never gonna be on time
If you always get up late
You're never gonna be on time
And that's a shame
Cause I like you
I never see you.