Dru Blood - I believe in the inherent goodness of all beings: August 2007 Archives

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« July 2007 | Main | September 2007 »

Fight for your right to dry

August 30, 2007

First is was the slow food movement. Next it was slow fashion and slow furniture. Could the glamorous world of laundry be the next slow revolution? As people look for ways to decrease their energy consumption, clotheslines are steadily returning to the American landscape. However, this return to one of the original forms of solar power is being hampered (gotta love laundry puns) in some places. Some local municipalities and many homeowners associations prohibit the use of outdoor clotheslines citing aesthetic and property value concerns.

Treehugger is sponsoring a clothesline photo contest.

and Project Laundry List is expanding to encourage local chapters. I hope someone starts one in Austin, because I'd love to hang out (ar ar) with the clothespin set, but I just don't have the time to head a chapter myself.

Posted at 8:46 AM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

There comes a time when you just say "Fuck it."

August 28, 2007

Life is too short to take any one thing too seriously...and life is too short to not take things seriously at all. It's when I finally reach this point that I can just relax and enjoy what all is going on in all areas...and hope those around me can relax and enjoy things, too. Most of the shit I am worrying about, I have no control over, anyway, so why not just do what I can and relax and enjoy all the stuff that is right?

I called my mom yesterday to tell her about all of the driving and finagling I was having to do to get through my work day these days, and how it makes my work day span 12-16 hours sometimes just in the getting children to various places they need to be so I can go to meetings and trainings and just my every day job. I was feeling like I was acting like a weenie wimp because I ACTUALLY was hoping I would catch the flu that landed my ex in the hospital because, fuck, at least then I would get some rest. She laughed. She knows how it goes. My friends with kids know how it goes. Sometimes you get so caught up in that struggle, you forget what it is that you are struggling for.

Today, I looked up at that sky, and it was just right. And the birds are starting to gather for one of my favorite times of year. The kids were cracking me up and being cute, and I was remembering the magic of the lunar eclipse last night and feeling tired for having woken up at 4 AM to see it, but feeling so totally stoked that Coley loved it so much. And Monk was all grouchy, and I had been letting it get to me all day, and then it hit me that the reason he was being grouchy was because he didn't get enough sleep. Monk so frequently acts like an old man that I found myself being suddenly delighted that things like not getting enough sleep can make him lose control of his temper and act like a...well, like a child.

I finally had a chance to sit down and visit with two of my favorite mamas who I don't get to visit with nearly enough what with the major changes in schedule we have all endured. And it was nice to listen to how they have negotiated their differences and come out stronger...and it was nice to share my chaotic maelstrom of a life with them knowing that rather than worrying about me, they would reflect on the conversation later and smile about the fact that we are all living our lives in a way that makes us completely happy somehow, regardless of how different it is. Those differences, and that acceptance anchor me somehow. They make my life feel all the more chaotic and/but all the more wonderful for the fact that people who love me can appreciate my appreciation of it.

And on the way home from our friends' house, I told the children stories about road trips I had taken with their dad, and with them. And Monk remembered that one of the themes of a road trip we took when he was 4 and cole was 1 was "Cole eats dirt in all 50 states" because every time I would put that child down he would instantly insert a fistful of whatever the ground was made of and shove it in his mouth.

I asked the kids where they wanted to go for our field trip this week and Cole said "Japan!" and then "Mississippi" and I smiled, realizing that they get restless, too, knowing there is a wider world out there that they haven't yet explored...or even places they have explored that they miss and want to return to.

And I am thinking about those clouds and those birds and those children and those friends and all of those miles of road and life that snake and spider between and around and within it all, and I'm actually feeling pretty good. Summer is always hard. Things ease up in autumn. Everything will be ok. You are always loved. Everything will always be ok. Forever and forever and forever.

Posted at 9:52 PM • Comments (3) • TrackBack

My environmentalist rant of the day

August 23, 2007

I wish someone could explain to me how ANYONE can think blasting the tops off of mountains and filling valleys with rubble is a good idea.

----------------
Now playing: black wax machine - baptism
via FoxyTunes

(I guess that wasn't much of a rant, but I am totally dumbfounded by this practice every time I hear about it.)

Posted at 5:00 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

From Wuthering Heights...

August 20, 2007

'And now, let us hear what you are unhappy about. Your brother will be pleased...The old lady and gentleman will not object, I think; you will escape a disorderly comfortless home into a wealthy, respectable one; and you love Edgar, and Edgar loves you. All seems smooth and easy: where is the obstacle?'

'Here! and here!' replied Catherine, striking one hand on her forehead, and the other on her breast, 'in whichever place the soul lives. In my soul and in my heart, I'm convinced I'm wrong!'

[...]

'I've no more business to marry Edgar Linton than I have to be in heaven; and if the wicked man in there had not brought Heathcliff so low, I shouldn't have thought of it. It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff now; so he shall never know how I love him: and that, not because he's handsome, Nelly, but because he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same; and Linton's is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire.'

Dude, that's some gorgeously tragic shit right there. Sigh.

Posted at 4:20 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

Vidalia onion, garlic and basil marinara

August 19, 2007

Making dinner for a friend tonight. I did a bit of research on good marinara sauce, as I am always trying to improve my half-ass recipes. I'm listening to sly and the family stone, so I might just call this "I Get High on You Pasta Sauce" or something...

So, first you gotta get the music right. This is kind of a sweet and mellow sauce with some good funkiness to it (but not in a bad way, like feet or even in a neutral way, like stinky cheese.) Some SOUL, is what I am saying. So you put on some good music and dice up one Vidalia sweet onion into a nice minciness. I am making it really mincey this time because usually I am lazy and let there be huge hunks of onion in everything, but lately I have been cooking for someone with a delicate constitution, and I am trying this thing called "flavoring" the dish, rather than putting the onion in the starring role.

Then I mince up about half a good head of garlic. I'll let you define what "good head" means (ar ar) based on your preferences. and throw it in with the onion and mix it all up a bit. Then I actually went canoeing and came back to heat up my nice new sautee pan (I think it's a 16" pan...really sweet!) and throw some olive oil on there and let it sit for a minute on low heat while I dashed out to my backyard and stripped some rosemary off the rosemary bush and discovered that my oregano plant is all but gone (too bad I don't like sage as much, because it's totally still bushy back there, in spite of literally complete neglect.)

I felt Meh about the oregano, but I know I have some dried oregano...so I found a tiny little shoot of it and brought that in, figuring maybe it would make a good garnish.

So I minced up the rosemary really well, and threw it in the hot oil and shmoogled it around a bit before tossing in the onion/garlic mixture. I let that all get nice and juicy and then I threw in a large can of whole peeled tomatoes in, as well as one of those little cans of tomato paste (I'm too lazy to get up and check the oz, but you should know what I'm talking about if you ever go to the grocery store.) along with a nice healthy handful of salt and some dried oregano.

I mixed that up and let it reduce for awhile, stirring occasionally (and tasting! Tasty stuff!) and then I added a nice healthy amount of red wine, stirred it a bit, and then poured the whole shebang into a crockpot and added two or three more cans of whole peeled tomatoes.

That's where I get to rest for a bit while it all simmers on high and all those yummy flavors start to mingle. In about an hour, I'm going to add about a cup of minced basil and maybe some more rosemary and then I'm going to put it on low and let it slow cook until my guest arrives tonight. I'll probably use the rest of the basil and some garlic and olive oil and these ridiculously expensive pecans I bought yesterday to make a nice pesto to use for bread or even as a garnish for the pasta sauce, which I'm going to serve over ravioli (that I bought at the store because no fucking way do I have time to MAKE ravioli...are you crazy?)

Yum. I forgot how much I love to cook. It really brings me back up.

Oh, PS - My kitchen smells totally divine!

Oh! PS PS!!!! Don't forget to throw in a little sugar, baby! I sometimes use maple syrup instead if I want a smokier flavor, but don't tell me I told you that, because it's a secret!

Posted at 4:50 PM • Comments (1) • TrackBack

My brain is mush

August 15, 2007

I am supposed to be sitting down to do my writing exercises right now, and I am rebelling by not feeling like I have anything particularly important to write about. Even though I do. Tons. But I am just really tired of trying to write my way through things that have no resolution. It's like my writer brain is screaming "RESOLUTION! CLOSURE! Dénouement, Damnit! DAY-NOO-FREAKING-MAHN ALREADY!

But, no. The story just goes on and on, with dramatic tension and dramatic irony galore. Not so much that it's ridiculously obvious what the conclusion should be, either. I can't even begin to guess the ending of this. I can't write it. I can't wing it. I can't fight it. I guess I just have to go with the flow, ride it out and see where it takes me.

And I will do that, but damnit...I'm not completely happy about it all of the time. Just sometimes. Well, most of the time. But at this moment? I'm feeling pretty damn impatient.

Posted at 9:37 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Wednesday is Tunesday

August 12, 2007

Tunesday chat this Wednesday, August 15th, 2007

Hi everyone...

For the first week of Tunesday, we will be listening to Axis: Bold as
Love by Hendrix.

Here's how Tunesday will work:

1. You should acquire the selected tunage at some point during the
week. If you want to prepare for the discussion, do whatever listening
or research you wish to do prior to our chat.

2. Also, if you do not already have a yahoo id, you will need one to
participate in the chat. We cannot do group chat with non-yahoo
members (as far as we know...if you know differently, please let us know!)

3. Make sure you add me (Lainieoyst) to your yahoo chat contacts list,
so you can notify me when you log on.

4. On the day of the chat, log on to yahoo IM no later than around
10:15 PM CDT (US), send me an instant message, and I will add you to our group
chat room.

5. We will all begin listening to the album at around 10:30 PM CDT (US), and
hopefully a lively discussion will ensue!

Feel free to email me if you have any questions or suggestions. Thanks!!!

livelifelove
lainie

Join the Tunesday Yahoo Group at:
http://launch.groups.yahoo.com/group/tunesday/

Posted at 2:36 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Something Magical Happens

August 8, 2007

How the children can
remind me why I fell in
love with their papa.

Posted at 10:14 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Plans

August 8, 2007

I am nearing the end of my precious time of solitude, and I have a lot of thoughts about what I need to do from this point forward. Whenever I think about what I want, and feel a strong inclination towards something, I wonder about this inability some people have to know or act upon what they want. For me, the act of writing something down feels like I am exposing myself as a possible hypocrite if I don't follow through or if I change my mind.

The thing is, I think some people get hung up. They think knowing what one wants means knowing all of the whys and hows of achieving it, as well as all of the potential outcomes. Rather than acting, they calculate the odds and worry over strategies. And it's not always the other person they worry about...it's their own shifting desires. What if I want something, start to work towards it, and then change my mind?

I am fortunate enough to be able to, at least somewhat, put those things out of my mind. 90% of the time, I have no clue how I am going to go about getting what I want...nor do I have full confidence in the fact that what I want today is what I will want tomorrow...or weeks, months, or years from now. But I know I am resilient, so I will always recover. I know I am a good person, so if the object of my desire is a person, and those desires change, I will treat that person with the appropriate amount of care and respect. I know I take good care of myself, so I will not desire things to the point of hurting myself over them. Also, I know my priorities...and just because I have to sideline something for a bit to accomplish other goals, it does not mean I am a failure. Well, not usually, anyway.

So, with that preface, and after hours and hours of staring at the walls in luscious aloneness...here is the list of things I feel like I need to change in my life:

1. Movement - this one appears on all of my lists forever. At this point in my life, I tend to gravitate towards stillness. The kids and I need to move more often.
2. Environment - it really is time for me to work on the physical environment of my immediate surroundings.
3. Intention - More planning is necessary for me to accomplish all of the things I want to do.
4. Alignment - I need to work on aligning my actions with my ideals.
5. Integrity - This goes along with alignment. Too often, I think especially when I am not planning ahead, things get fragmented and I don't accomplish what I set out to accomplish.
6. Constant connection with my creative self, and an outlet for that creation - None of this "the kids interfere with my creative life" bullshit. They need to be included. I have plenty of time to create when they are asleep or I am away from them. I don't need to worry about being time-limited so much.
7. Community - Damnit, as much as I have loved the solitude, I need to be more active in my community...of friends, and on the whole.
8. Education - Both the kids and mine. We need to continue to create opportunities for learning and trying new things...even if we sometimes fail miserably.

***

There are actual activities that go with these actions. For one thing, to handle the issues of movement, environment, creativity, community, and education...as well as integrity, I am going to work with the kids to clean up our landscaping and create some nice garden spots in our yard...a little at a time. And document our progress in some sort of creative way as we haphazardly take on this project together.

In terms of community...I have often had the idea that I should start doing my monthly potlucks again. I get so freaked out about large numbers of people in my house, though...so I think I really just need to put forth a good effort towards inviting friends over to make food with me and have more intimate dinner gatherings more often. I have been saying this forever...but I think it's really time for me to make good on it. Sometimes it feels so freaking overwhelming to have to live my life AND to have to socialize with the people who make my life worth living (not to mention possible, because in a lot of cases, these people are providing me with a good bit of support, and they deserve to be catered to on occasion!) If I plan it, I can make it work.

In terms of my personal creative life, I think I am in a good place with that. I have several outlets and a wonderful creative partner who inspires me. I feel very lucky and I have no desire to mess with that other than to just keep things going.

I will be thinking about more of this stuff later...as the day progresses, I will slowly formulate a plan. The kids will be home tonight, all bubbly and no longer tired of their tired old mama, who herself will not be tired to receive them. We will hug and bubble over and read and kiss goodnight, and tomorrow morning, we will embark upon a new season together, with new ideas, new rhythms, new habits and patterns...and renewed love and appreciation for our little life together.

----------------
Now playing: Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Nobody's Baby Now
via FoxyTunes

Posted at 11:05 AM • Comments (0) • TrackBack

Single Parenting

August 6, 2007

I have had a productive few days. Cleaning, creating, thinking about stuff. It's been wonderful and I feel very rested and ready to resume the full-on rush of childrenness in my life that will begin again as of Wednesday night or Thursday morning...I am not sure if we have decided which.

I am thinking, though, that in spite of the fact that all of this solitude has resulted in a great deal of positive productivity on so many levels...perhaps there is a reason why people choose to plan vacations that add stress to their lives rather than sit around the house during their time off. I basically have gone off the stress cold turkey, and now I am looking at welcoming it all back and I'm fucking terrified.

Thankfully I had the foresight to extend my vacation from work to overlap a bit with the return of the children, so we all have time to get acclimated before I have to start doing the whole logistical nightmare part of single parenting.

To top it all off, I have been thinking lately about relationships. About how it wouldn't be so bad to have a man in my life. Maybe. If he was tolerable. But mostly the idea of adding a relationship to the mix just seems like more stress to me, and yet at the same time I feel all of this pressure to try anyway because maybe it might also make things easier, and anyway when I start to get all weepy like I am right now it would be kind of nice to at least be able to call up a romantic interest and say "Hey. I need someone to fucking hold me. Get yr ass over here." (yes, I am All Class.)

I don't fucking know. It pisses me off that I have to choose a romantic partner who is compatible with my life and can somehow serve a utilitarian purpose. It pisses me off that I can't just love who I love without having to worry about the fact that I am overworked and overstressed and could use another set of hands around here. And the idea of finding a partner stresses me out in other ways because I feel like it would jeopardize some very intimate friendships I have that I am just not willing to give up for some man who may or may not stick around.

The thing is that I feel like I have HUGE True Real Love in my life right now. Love that fulfills all of my romantic needs, save the more practical ones. I don't know if it's fair to ask that love to fulfill the more practical needs...it doesn't seem like that's feasible, at least not at this time. And I am too lazy/stubborn/finicky to want to spend time finding anything that compares to that love and also fulfills the other.

So, whatever. The choice is already made, really, by virtue of me not wanting to invest the energy. My kids will come home. I will hug them a lot...maybe stress out a little about not having enough time for everything I want to do. I will find a rhythm and ride it. It's not so bad, really. In a few years, the hardest of the hard work will be over with. I'll survive, and I'll use those frenetic, frustrated bursts of energy to create things that will remind me of my strength when I am feeling weak like I am right now.

For now...I guess I will let myself cry it out a bit. Then I'll get myself up, put on my walking shoes, and wander around the neighborhood listening to music, crying a little, talking into my voice recorder, and enjoying as best I can the waning hours of my vacation from motherhood.

Posted at 11:49 PM • Comments (4) • TrackBack

Fluttering Free...

August 1, 2007

Just posted a gorgeous soundscape by my friend Chris on my Vox account. Go have a listen!

Posted at 8:07 PM • Comments (0) • TrackBack