Dru Blood - I believe in the inherent goodness of all beings: Coley has been sick...

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« World Leader Pretend Mix | Main | An Update. »

Coley has been sick...

January 31, 2008

...so we haven't left the house much this week. Aside from work, and even that I have been doing from home until today because you can't take a sick child to play at a healthy friend's house, you know.

I am glad I have a job that is so portable and flexible with me. Although there are times that I wished being sick (or taking care of a sick child) meant having a night off. I also find myself wishing, at times, that I had more of a regular job that involved regular contact with other human beings in my age range. But, you know...I am very fortunate, and I suppose there is always something to complain about no matter what the circumstances. I am sure if I worked in an office every day, surrounded by people, I would complain about that way more than I feel the urge to complain about my relative isolation.

And anyway, I just feel more isolated this week because I have not been out at the sites and really interacting with people. And when I have, it has been to do unpleasant things.

But anyway, I did manage to sneak out for a bit yesterday and take a nice walk around the block over and over again. Actively combating the urge to think about diseases and statistics and predictable outcomes. But also retrieving calls from work about such things as "Where is such and such located?" and "I can't find thisandthat." from people who know I have even less of an idea where such and such is, because I'm not standing in the relative proximity of where such and such was alleged to have been left by another person who is not me. (and today I talked to my boss and reiterated an old comedy line from, I think, Roseanne Barr about how the uterus must be some sort of homing device, because people are always asking me where things are even though I had nothing to do with the getting them there.)

At any rate, that's not even what I was going to write about tonight. What I was going to say is that this afternoon we had to run out of the house abruptly to run an errand that I totally, in my pajama-clad-all-day induced stupor I had totally spaced off. And when we came back into the house...in reentering the place I had been holed up for what felt like eternity...I could actually smell it. And it smelled nice. I guess that's on account of how I did all of the rancid potato soup dishes earlier in the week, but also on account of how I have spontaneously sort of started doing this candle-lighting ritual at the end of my day. Nothing elaborate or extraordinary, but just lighting candles and burning some incense. Sprinkling a little lavender oil on things in the hopes of scattering some of the anxiety that hovers like the vultures who inexplicably live in my neighborhood.

You know. Rituals. Tiny ones that you don't even notice you are doing until they are habitual. Little ways to introduce consistency and constancy in the middle of chaos. But pervasive and far-reaching enough to hold back the vultures with the heavily wax scent of lavender as it rises from the wick.

Posted at January 31, 2008 12:33 AM

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