Dru Blood - I believe in the inherent goodness of all beings: Yo-Yo (part 1)

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Yo-Yo (part 1)

January 6, 2008

Susan asked me last night to tell the story about the yo-yo trick I did on the Jane Pratt show. This is what Susan does. She draws me out. She makes me think all of my stories are interesting, and that I am fascinating. And she draws other people in in the same way. Always thoughtful. Always remembering little details that I allow myself to forget, as well as some that I would never find important in the moment, but which later turn out to be integral.

As I write this I am struck with this technical question about writing that I am not sure I know how to answer. It seems to me that the difference between expository and creative writing is that if I were creating the character of susan in a novel, I would have to find a way to do so by her character alone, rather than describing her outright in words. I am not sure if I am capable of that. I mean, I can't think of a human characteristic or behavior that would convey the aspect of Susan I just described in a succinct manner. But then, perhaps it is not the sum of the novel to be succinct. Perhaps I lack patience. In fact, I know I lack patience. I want to tell all the story all at once. In fact, if I could just skip the telling of it and just somehow psychically transmit how the story or the events made me FEEL, I would be very happy indeed.

But anyway, I am getting away from myself here.

"It was around the world" I called out from the other room, where I had gone on some unknown errand that I can neither remember now, nor probably did I even know then. "And I was SITTING DOWN."

Gasps of awed appreciation erupted from the kitchen where Susan and Brian were sitting. Not insincere, but exaggerated. I smiled as I sat down and told them the story.

It's funny how I always come to this point in my life where I realize that so many of the things I have done in my past...so many of these stories I tell and so many of these public writings I have done, serve as signposts to direct me back to myself in the present. I call them breadcrumbs. I like that term, because it alludes to a sort of personal mythology, much like the hansel and gretel story refers to a collective mythology. I leave myself reminders of what is important whenever I communicate with someone or even when I communicate to myself through my writing or whatever form of art I create.

I don't think this makes me unique in any way. I think we all have a personal mythology that we share, and I believe that it can be useful for everyone to record it in some way.

The yo-yo story is important to my life right now on many levels. I'm not sure if I will be able to get to them all here, but I think it would be instructive for me to write about it for some time, if necessary, to get my mind back on track...via breadcrumbs dropped in the lainie lexicon.

It's a simple story, really, that is a part of a much larger story. The Jane Pratt yo-yo story is actually in the middle of my yo-yo history. I'm sure I've told parts of it before, but I will start with the Jane Pratt yo-yo trick and move backwards and forwards from there as it suits me. Because you know why? This is my blog, and I can write any damn way I feel like it. hahaha.

So it happened that in 1993 or thereabouts, I was asked to be on the Jane Pratt show about alternative media. This was pre-blog. This was old-school zine geekery. I was on the show with the girls from Ben Is Dead, as well as a independent documentarian, Adrian Tomine (a now fairly famous comic book artist) and some professor of media studies from some unnamed University who, Jane Pratt was heard to say, was there to give "a depthless topic some depth." (We simps on the panel got a kick out of that little faux pas.)

I remember Karin from Ben is Dead was wearing a band t-shirt from I think the band Silverfish, and it said something like "lips, tits, hips, POWER." She was asked to cover up the part about the tits, so she went on stage with a piece of black electrical tape covering THAT WORD. Ironically enough, I was sitting next to her, wearing a Chumbawamba t-shirt adorned with the word "Shhhh!" in large letters, which was actually somewhat of a commentary on the oppressive censorship by exclusion of the media. The back of the shirt said "Go on, you've got 5 seconds...say something outrageous" but no one in the audience saw that.

At any rate, I could probably write several essays on the whole experience (and I most likely HAVE) but the point of this particular post is my yo-yo history, so I will proceed to the very brief yo-yo tastic event. Which is merely that I totally unconsciously did around the world with my yo-yo while seated without even thinking about it...and I didn't even realize I had done it until I viewed a taping of the show several months (perhaps even YEARS) later.

It is this that is striking to me, and this that serves a useful purpose to me now. Because if I had been aware of the fact that I was doing a somewhat complicated yo-yo trick on the stage of a live television show...I probably would have clonked myself in the head and somehow managed to clonk at least one of my fellow panel members as well.

But in the unconscious act is an inherent confidence. And in the remembering of this that I must receive a lesson of quieting the meta-Lainie that I am finding myself listening too too much of late. The form of consciousness that not only feels it is necessary to remain hyper aware of what I am doing, but also overly aware of how what I am doing is perceived by others. And I search for other breadcrumbs I have left for myself that have, in the past, helped me to overcome this meta-consciousness. I remember a few years ago I came up with the concept of "just drive." Based on an awareness that I had that the less conscious I was of what I was doing behind the wheel, the easier it was to drive. And also various quotes from Lao Tzu and inspired by Taoism that have always seemed important to me help to guide me back to a path I have veered from for whatever reason I may have veered.

I am a thoughtful person. I am an introspective person. I think a lot, and I think a lot about who I am and what motivates me. This thinking is not always a conscious choice even when it's a conscious act.

So the yo-yo story reminds me to relax my awareness of my self, even while maintaining the necessary amount of introspection to maintain who I am.

But there's another level to the yo yo story that I will save for my next post, which I might write later tonight, or I might write tomorrow...depending on how engrossed I become in the writing of it.

Posted at January 6, 2008 8:44 PM

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