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« Blogging about NOT blogging | Main
So I have been thinking a lot...
April 19, 2008
...about what I leave behind. Not in a bullshit business productivity training "leaving a legend" way, but more like keeping track of where I am and where I want to be. What I have tried...all of the different ways I have tried to live my life.
And the thing is, I am happiest with my life right now in this moment...in this era. But, you know how it is when you feel you have something to lose - suddenly it seems as though you have everything to protect, and it's easy to start wondering if maybe it's not easier to have nothing at all.
The other day I twittered: Grateful 5: fun kids, rewarding career, adventurous lover, inspiring creative partner, and freedom in all these relationships. Why complain? And I meant it. Maybe the reason I am tempted to complain is that it all seems a little too good, and when things seem easy, I have a difficult time relaxing and enjoying. It's that old working class work ethic of "if you ain't sweating, it ain't work." (actually, I just made that up, I think...but I know that's how I feel) I have a tendency to feel like if my life isn't difficult or complicated in some way, I'm being somehow lazy.
I really need to stop that. hahaha. I do have all of those things I am thankful for, and then some, and I do feel fortunate for it. That is not to say there aren't plenty of things that I don't have...but the things I DO have keep me quite busy. My life is full, busy, and productive. I need to stop worrying about looking for more, more, more.
This spring in Austin has been the nicest I can remember. Every night is cool, every morning brisk and sunny and bursting with the sounds of doves and other birds I can hear through my open windows. The trees seemed to go from bud to full foliage overnight. I missed the unfolding...but there is always next spring to witness that.
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