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My Favorite Love Song
July 1, 2002
Just came up in my MP3 Mix:
Chesterfield King by: Jawbreaker
I'm curious...
June 30, 2002
What do you make of this?
(obviously, I've voiced my opinion...)
The End of the World is Near?
June 30, 2002
First, the Pledge is ruled unconstitutional...now McDonald's becomes a corporate animal rights activist?
"Animal rights groups have said for decades that methods like these are cruel. Farmers and industry executives have said for decades that the activists are kooks. So the agriculture industry was stunned recently when McDonald's delivered its verdict: The company declared that every farm that supplies its eggs must raise the hens more humanely. "
Needless to say, I'm more than a little suspicious of this.
Ummm...OK...(?)
June 29, 2002
Maybe someone could explain to me why, suddenly, my broken hard drive is working, and the operating system that refused to talk to my motherboard has decided to reconcile whatever disagreement they were having.
In other words, for some unexplained reason, my "real" computer is now working.
(please step lightly...I'm going to burn a cd of all of my pictures I thought I had lost and gather all of the contact information for people I was going to have to hire a private eye to find again)
I. Am. A. COMPLETE. Nerd.
June 29, 2002
An actual conversation between myself and the father of our new intern at work:
Me: Are you M.F.'s Dad?
Him: Yes.
Me: So you are Mr. F?
Him: Yes.
Me (arm extended for a handshake): Hi! Pleased to meet you, I'm M's mom!
Him: Ummm...
Me: I mean SUPERVISOR. I'm M's SUPERVISOR. I suppose you would know me already if I was his mom!
All of my staff and clients: BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
m's Punishment
June 29, 2002
Last night m crossed a line with me. Usually, when m crosses a line, it's about not respecting my body and not stopping something when I ask him to. This time, specifically, it was about crawling over the backs of my legs while I was laying on the bed, hurting me with his pointy little knees. And not stopping.
I repeated several times that he needed to stop. He still wouldn't stop.
Finally, I told him that he wasn't going to get any computer time tonight (um, isn't bargaining one of the phases in the cycle of mourning?). He still wouldn't stop.
No computer time tomorrow? This stopped him, and sent him running to his room.
Later on, he cried because he wanted to play with the computer but, even though it was a very, um, well, it seemed like a really non-consequential punishment, I stuck to it. He was really angry with me and sad.
So I asked him: "m, tell me what I can say to you to get you to stop doing something that is hurting my body. Because I didn't know how to get you to stop!"
His response: "hmmm...why don't you tell me if I don't stop you are going to hang me by my toes and spank me."
Me: "m...spanking isn't allowed in this house. You know I wouldn't spank you!"
m: "Yes, but it would make me laugh, and then I would go 'yikes!' and run away laughing."
me (imagining what the other parents on the playground would think if I threatened to hang m by his toes and spank him): "I'm not really comfortable with that...maybe we should think of something else."
m: "Nope...that's the only way I'll stop."
Me: *sigh* why can't my kids be like the kids in the parenting books.
Finding humor in the absurd
June 29, 2002
Cheney's going to be our president for a few hours tomorrow, so Bush can get anally probed.
"We'll have him ready. His colon will be ready," Tubbs said.
This time period in my life...1991
June 29, 2002
In 1991 I had purple hair and lived in Lubbock with my comic book artist boyfriend that it took me over a year to finally break up with even though we spent most of our relationship not really liking each other very much. During this time period, I was reflecting on my life in Chicago friends, events, and trauma.
You can read about it here, if you want.
Amazing Day...Amazing Women
June 28, 2002
What a great day, the better part of it spent with two inspiring mamas. We are plotting the revolution in my living room. There's just something magical about talking about fixing the ills of the world while children play and scream around you. And every five minutes, m came in to announce a fact from his Giant Book of Cross Sections. And c climbed up in my lap to be snuggled and climbed back down. And did this several times, just naturally flowing into and away from me whenever he needed to.
We have several things planned, some of which I will not discuss here. One of the things I can discuss is we are going to try to get a nationwide nurse-in going the week before the international nurse out which coincides with World Breasfeeding Week.
Here in Austin, Hooters restaurants have signs on them stating that KIDS EAT FREE on Saturdays. First of all - who the fuck brings their KID to hooters? And second...well...our idea is to get a bunch of nursing moms to have a nurse-in outside of hooters. We will be holding signs that say "My kid always eats free at my Hooters."
I think the reason behind this is primarily, Hooters is pretty notorious for being shitty about waitresses who are also nursing moms and need to pump (there are at least two court cases that I know of). And also...we just like to fuck with the idea that breasts are sex objects. Sure, they can be, but they do serve another, very important function. And much of the anti-breastfeeding bullshit comes from people (um, men) who desire to see breasts (and women) as their property. And that damn baby keeps getting in the way.
So, I'm sure I'll post more about this event in the future. We'd like to have this happen in as many cities as possible. I'm not sure if Hooters is strictly a US "phenomenon," but if they have them in other countries, we could make it nationwide. The only drawback for me is that it's extremely doubtful that c would actually nurse in public with all sorts of babies around. He RARELY nurses outside our home anymore. But I'm sure we'll find plenty of women with babies who are eager to nurse.
After the Nurse-out, I think we're going to focus on either child abuse (particularly spanking) or obstetrics. We're trying to think of fun and interesting ways to protest and inform...so if anyone has any ideas, let me know!
World Leader Pretend
June 28, 2002
Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to visit all of the beautiful people you've ever known, just to tell them how much they influence(d) you? I'm finding myself wanting to visit the past selves of former and current friends, hug them, kiss them, and perhaps lay them to rest.
I'm feeling like it's absolutely revolutionary that I'm able to exist in my life as it is, feeling completely uncompromised by anything and anyone. I'm feeling so full of life, and yet so sad that so many of the wonderful people I've known through my life have had to compromise to get by. And perhaps I'm worried that, at some point, I'll be forced to compromise again.
But today I looked at each of my children separately, and I was just filled to overflowing with love and hope for them. I embraced each of them, tears welling in my eyes, and told them that I love them and am so happy to have them in my life. I hope they never have to compromise. I hope they grow up to be completely free.
m Wants to Say Something
June 28, 2002
A Poem About Mommy and Daddy and c and Twyla and Bela and Funnyface and Giusseppe and Kyra
I like to play checkers or chest
Then I really like to checkmate the other person's king on the chestboard
and I like to be king me when I am playing checkers
and now here comes the poem part
Well every time I play that stuff I dream of I'm really trying to play a lot at a time.
And I like to say "yeha" a lot.
And then I like to really be the best at mille bournes.
To Mommy and Daddy and c and Bela and Funnyface and Giusseppe and Kyra.
The. End.
Googled...
June 28, 2002
Someone came to my site yesterday via a google search for anarchist + diaper. Hahaha.
The best part is that I checked out the search (I was like 8 pages back, so I comment this person for their persistence!) and found this site.
Don't let this happen in your town...
June 28, 2002
Yay!
June 27, 2002
I. Got. A. RAISE!
It wasn't much, but considering I wasn't even sure if I would have a job right now, it was certainly nice.
Currently singing
June 27, 2002
This is a lullabye I've been singing to c of late. It's on one of m's old Kindermusik CDs:
El Coquito
When Caw-Kee sings a sweet song at twilight
He is singing as sleep comes to me
When I wake all alone in the moonlight
Then Caw-Kee sings good night from the tree
Caw-Kee, Caw-Kee, Caw-kee-kee-kee-kee
Caw-Kee, Caw-Kee, Caw-kee-kee-kee-kee
(repeat until child drools, eyelids flutter, and sleep hits)
Pea Rocks
June 27, 2002
What is up with everyone lately?! You are all just rocking! Pea has some great words about our consumerist culture here.
A dream come true
June 27, 2002
I have taken the children with me on every vacation I have ever taken, and I have never had any significant amount of time to myself in this house. Even during mommy-time, I pretty much have to split and go somewhere else to be by myself b/c L hates bringing the kids out and never has any money and just never leaves the house in general.
So, last night, L informed me that next week he's going to take both kids and take a road trip to his home town to visit his family. "Finally!" he said "You have a chance to hang out here by yourself." he said "I'll even bring the dog!"
What do you suppose my response was?
The continuing saga
June 27, 2002
For those of you who haven't been privy, I'm somewhat suspicious that blueroses and I are actually the same person living a double life. We are even on the same cycle
Freaky!
veggies in paradise
June 26, 2002
My friend Christopher sent me a link to this site
Abbie the Cat Has a Posse
June 26, 2002
I laughed. I cried. I hacked up a hairball.
You blog too much. You never shut up.
June 26, 2002
I think I've blogged like 8 or 9 entries per day for the last few days. Certainly someone will tell me to shut up at some point...right?
Wow!
June 26, 2002
I can't believe this judgment was issued during the current pro-patriotic regime. Perhaps there IS hope.
(link courtesy of Kat)
Rest in Peace, Grandma
June 26, 2002
I wish I had known you better...
Domenica
A funeral Mass for Domenica "Minnie" Duro 87, of A H, was celebrated June 17 at Our Lady of the Wayside Church, A H. Born Nov. 14, 1914, in Chicago, she died June 14 at her home.
Mrs. Duro is survived by four children, J S of A H, J of California, T E of Mich., and C.; 13 grandchildren; and 11 great-grandchildren.
She was preceded in death by her husband, Carmen; and a son, Vess.
Entombment was in St. Michael the Archangel Cemetery.
Overweight or Underweight - They'll get you either way
June 26, 2002
I hung out with my friend N today, and her two kids D and J. J just turned two, and N is all freaked out because he "only" weighs 21 pounds. She has been freaking out about this since he was a baby. Her pediatrician insists that she feed him that pediasure crap and hounds her about his (and her older son's) weight at every visit.
This is so common. And it is utter bullshit.
So I told her: "N, if the doctor gives you shit about J's weight, I want you to ask the doctor exactly what is MEDICALLY wrong with the child. Because being over or under weight in and of itself is not a medical condition. It's just not."
I asked her: "How often does he get sick?"
She answered: "I don't think he has ever been sick."
I asked her: "How active is he?"
She answered: "Very, VERY active."
Now, I'm not a doctor, but it seems suspicious when doctor wants to sell a product to a child who is not showing any symptoms of actual illness. As far as I know, BEING overweight or BEING underweight is not a symptom of illness. Perhaps abrupt weight gain or loss is, but general stature is not indicative of health. This child has ALWAYS been small. His father is small. His brother is small. It's a small family.
I told her: "I don't think you have anything to worry about. He has always seemed like a very healthy, vigorous child to me!"
And, of course, she said: "That's what everyone always tells me. And I know it's true..."
BUT the freaking money grubbing doctor has to put her two cents in and make a mama doubt her intuition.
Hate 'em. HATE 'EM. hateemhateemhateem.
(and if there are any doctors out there who can PROVE that most "diagnoses" like this are NOT motivated by greed, please say your piece. I would love to think better of the medical establishment)
Renaissance Girl...also rocks.
June 26, 2002
Are you getting tired of this yet? It's just that there are so many rocking rocking bloggers out there! Thanks for this, RG.
Wish Lists
June 26, 2002
I was thinking that somewhere there MUST BE a bulk foods wishlist...so I could link to it in hopes that anonymous people could buy me 50 pound bags of rice and beans.
Which I suppose is all I deserve, seeing as I'm not showing my boobies to anyone here.
Lorraine rocks.
June 26, 2002
For awhile she wasn't posting frequently, so going to her site this morning and finding TWO awesome posts by her was like opening up a present. Thanks, Lorraine!
Update on Racist Elementary
June 26, 2002
After inquiring about how I would go about joining the PTA as a homeschooler, I was informed by several that I would have better luck either running for or bending the ear of the school board.
I have no time or desire to kiss enough ass to be on the school board, but I happen to work with several people who do! So, I'm bending ears like mad. I talked with my nicey boss last night and told him about what I heard. When I told him that the principal of the school had been there for 20 years, he immediately said "She needs to get out and move around!" and then when I told him about the classful of "emotionally disturbed" kids he didn't even seem surprised, but he did seem angry. He said he would find out what he could about the school...so I'm waiting for his assessment and then I'll figure out what I can do from there.
Did I mention how much I love my job?
m Rocks
June 25, 2002
m is insisting that I read him Little Women, so we are alternating between that and Captain Underpants. Strange kid. Maybe now he'll let me read the Little House series (my mom handed me down first edition hard covers when I was too little to appreciate it - and I promptly scrawled my name in them...yikes!)
He's also learning about life by playing Sims (although I'm not sure if he's learning the really important stuff)...today I told him I was going to work, and he ALMOST tried to stop me, but then he said "You have to go to work, because...no work - no money. And no money - no food."
Um, ok, m...it's a little more complicated than that, but that's a start. I guess I won't be buying HOT DATE any time soon. Maybe I ought to find the money patch for the sims so m can learn that it's OK to be an anarchist squatter sim, too.
Bink Rocks.
June 25, 2002
And...oh, yay!
June 25, 2002
I thought that my boobies had all done dried up, but today when c accidentally de-latched, I had a brief gusher.
Hooray!
I am so paranoid about "early" weaning. I mean, the kid is 20 months and eats several thousand square meals a day, but I'm clinging to these breastfeeding moments, man. I know I'm going to be so sad when he weans.
Someone remind me of this when he's like 7 and still hitting me up for nummies and I'm freaked out at the end of my rope, ok?
Am I evil?
June 25, 2002
m keeps making this strange popping sound with his tongue. It's like an exaggerrated "T" sound & he walks around the house making this sound at various times throughout the day.
It drives me insane.
We'll be playing cards or just hanging out or I'll be reading to him, and he will commence popping and I try REALLY hard to not say anything because it feels so utterly bitchy and irrational that this bothers me so much, but inevitably I end up asking him to knock it off. This, of course, only encourages him to do it more, which pisses me off even more...
...and so goes our day.
Seriously, does anyone else have any weird aversions to sounds? Because m's always been into repetitive sounds/phrases and I wish I could just get over it, but I find it very difficult to deal with.
Diaper Butt
June 25, 2002
I just got some new diapers for c, and they are all clean and BRIGHT white and there is really nothing cuter than a glow in the dark baby butt pattering through the house.
Yes!
June 24, 2002
Can I hear a RIGHT. FUCKING. ON.?
Chris Woods
June 24, 2002
Dr. Mabuse pointed me in this direction...I thought his cover for Adbusters No. 32 was amazing...nice to see more work by him.
A Question
June 24, 2002
What do you say when you are teaching a classroomful of students how to clean a mouse, and one of them asks, quite innocently:
"How do you know when your balls are dirty?"
Giusseppe, the cantaloupe eating cat
June 24, 2002
I haven't mentioned this, because I was hoping it wasn't true, but it appears that Giusseppe is gone. For awhile now, I was kind of thinking he had wandered into someone else's house and would be back once they ran out of cantaloupe, but now...I'm really sad because I don't think he's coming back. I've checked at the pound and I think I'm going to hang up flyers this week. But I really think someone took him home with them because he's cute and fluffy and very friendly. And I could never keep a collar on him.
The other day, cy and I were looking out the window in the bedroom and cy suddenly said "Hmmmmm....seppe? sehhhhhhpeeeee!?"
So, apparently c misses him, too. It's so so sad.
Not weaning
June 24, 2002
I was scared for awhile there that cy was trying to wean. I'm really not ready for that to happen because I know that when he weans, I'm going to want another baby...and I know L does not want one.
However, even though he's not ASKING for nummies as much as he used to, he is gradually starting to ACCEPT nummies when I offer. Mostly at bedtime or when there's nothing else exciting going on.
So...was that a nursing strike? Is that what happens?
business decisions/moral decisions
June 24, 2002
My impression of uberboss was uplifted a couple of notches this weekend when she initiated a conversation about the difference between business and moral decisions.
She used to work for Monsanto. Her job? Calling all of the dairy farmers on record to try to get one of them to say that BGH wasn't bad for humans. She had to quit that job because she just felt it was so damn unethical.
So we were talking about Monsanto and how evil they are. About studies that link increased breast size in adolescent girls to consumption of hormone laden milk. (I tried to find a link on this subject, and I was led to lots of sites describing animal experiments...and that pisses me off even more. In case you didn't know, there is a milk&beef surplus & really no need to increase the cow milk/beef supply...so not only are the fuckers jeopardizing our lives, and causing endless animals to suffer to "prove" their product is safe (or unsafe, depending on the sponsor of the study) but they are doing so completely unnecessarily)
...And about business ethics versus moral/social responsibility. I was pleased to hear that she knows the difference. She described a conversation she had with a friend where her friend refused to recognize that there existed such a thing as moral responsibility in the business world. Her friend kept claiming that he had a "fiduciary" responsibility to his investors. Never mind the social responsibility...because I guess money is far more important than people.
It's always, um, interesting to hear how people justify these "business" decisions. It seems as though a business person who feels that making outrageous amounts of money is necessary for survival would have to justify the means by which the money is made. Maybe it's a survival thing. A completely "evolved" worldview to support an addiction to lifestyle. I'm no different in many respects.
On the way home from work (I was driving!) I was listening to talk radio & someone was talking about human safety vs. convenience. They brought up the example of speed limits. If someone were to ask "at what speed could cars drive to ensure there were never any automobile accidents or fatalities" the answer would probably be 5 MPH. But that's too much of an inconvenience to your standard person. So we choose the risk of human (and animal, I might add) life over the inconvenience of not being able to transport ourselves quickly from one place to another.
Now, of course, this was AM Talk radio, so I was supposed to be led to believe that it would be ridiculous to even CONSIDER human safety over convenience. But I did consider it. It struck me as really freaking odd that we, collectively, have chosen to build our society so that cars are a near necessity for many people, in spite of the fact that they do cause people to die both directly through accidents and indirectly through pollution.
Anyway...this post is sort of meandering...perhaps it's too early for me to try to get a point across today. But I just thought it was interesting stuff.
And, there may be hope yet for uberboss...
Surfing on Sunday!
June 23, 2002
I've linked her before...this time I'm blogrolling her.
uMM...I hope I never have enough time on my hands to visit all of the sites linked here. But I was, um, bored enough to view a portion of the gummy dongs movie. (yes...it is a movie about, um, gummy dongs.)
I like the way she writes...
...also her
And this one has a neat layout...I like the mosaic at the top.
Suess has a blog now!
Because she's begging for people to read her blog...I figured I'd link her. hahaha.
I thought I'd linked here before...but just in case I haven't.
More of My Shit
June 23, 2002
If there is one thing I need to focus on erasing from my vocabulary, it's the word "crazy." I use it frequently and I use it lightly and I think it's bullshit for me to do so.
Today, while talking to my boss and co-worker about a client of ours who delivered to me probably the most negative feedback I have ever received, and who proceeded to complain about my co-worker when he took a class on her campus, I referred to him as crazy.
My boss asked "What's his name?" and when we answered...she looked sort of shocked. Then she revealed that he is, in fact, mentally ill. She knows this through a previous job working with mentally ill clients. In fact, she said, many many many of our clients are mentally ill and we don't even know it.
I was sort of shocked. And when I said out loud that I needed to be more conscientious about using words like crazy or insane or whatever about clients, both my boss and my co-worker just sort of laughed it off. I think they think I'm TOO sensitive or something. My boss said something to the effect of "To be honest, when you work with the mentally ill on a daily basis, you tend to become pretty cynical about it."
I don't want to be cynical. I don't want to shrug off my insensitive comments as being "a tool of the trade."
Obviously, there's another huge area of unlearning here that I need to work on.
A Saturday in my life
June 22, 2002
Read about it here
This is not my child
June 22, 2002
Me: Awright! Tonight we're going to make some PUNK ROCK PIZZA!!
m: What's punk rock pizza?
Me: It's pizza that you make while you listen to punk rock.
m: Awwwww...I HATE punk rock...it's my LEAST FAVORITE!
Me: *sigh*
41 years later...
June 22, 2002
"The limited education America has granted her ex-slaves has even already produced great unrest...no man with education equal to your own will serve you. The only way you can continue to rule us is with superior knowledge by continuing to withhold equal education from our people. America has not given us equal education, but she has given us enough to make us want more and to make us demand equality of opportunity."
Malcolm X
Cambridge, Massachusetts
March 24, 1961
Clothespins for the Revolution
June 21, 2002
I'm in the process of inviting people to participate in the blog portion of Clothespins for the Revolution. It's about time we get it going, eh? If you don't get an invitation from me, and you are interested in contributing anti-consumerist, pro-mindfulness content (links, ideas, quotes, images, and articles) please let me know, and I will invite you. We are currently powered by blogger, but Cecily is becoming a queen of MT, so I'm hoping we can switch over soon (I'm supposed to be helping her, but I just have a FEELING she will be doing most of the important work...go look at how beautiful her blog is and you will understand why.)
An argument for shaving one's pits...
June 21, 2002
...because, after staying up embarrassingly late playing Sims, it is exceedingly unpleasant to be awoken by a small child who insists on yanking on one's armpit hairs.
(sheerly hypothetical, of course...everyone knows *I* wouldn't stay up late playing a computer game, and my darling little angel would NEVER do something painful to me upon waking)
Ack! I left stuff out!
June 20, 2002
I left out some of my favorite cy things that happened today (which is quickly turning into yesterday)
-sitting on the floor with cy and coloring for about an hour. He kept giving me crayons and I would tell him what color they were, and then he would say the name of the color and I would make a squiggle or a line in his little book. This is how he is forcing me to teach him the names of colors. Of course, the phone rang in the middle of this whole event, and when I came back, he had a blue mouth. Freaking crayon-eater. You know they know they're doing something wrong when they wait until you turn your back to do it. Goofy kid.
-Laying on the bed and watching cy dig around in his toy bin and hand me various small toys. At one point he found a foamy letter 2, and handed it to me. I said "That's a TWO!" and he did a happy little jig around the room that I called the "2 dance" and from then on, whenever I said "TWO DANCE!" he would stop whatever he was doing and do his dance.
A Good Day
June 20, 2002
Today was a particularly good day. We woke up without any trace of grumpiness, had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast (the kids are being extra super finicky about food lately, and some days I just do not even want to attempt to play the "guess what I want to eat today" game, so I fell back on the old standard.)
Then for awhile there...a pretty long while...I had the kids running around wearing silk scarves pretending they were butterflies. cy and I danced and sang along with a Kindermusik CD while m read a Richard Scarry book, and then I read the Richard Scarry book to m while c danced about the room saying "fwy fwy" (his word for butterfly) with his scarf tied around his neck, billowing out behind him. He always cracks himself up when he does this.
We had an incident where cy was climbing all over the couch and right as I was about to enforce the "no climbing on the couch because you could potentially fall on your head" rule, he fell...on his head. But the kid's head is made either of rubber or of concrete because he cried a bit and nursed a bit and then popped back up and started bopping around the house.
m, who was reintroduced last week to his long lost SIM THEME PARK game, has now been introduced for the first time to THE SIMS. Thanks, L. I have to say that Sim Theme Park caused m to think about and say the strangest things. For instance, when we went to Wheatsville for breakfast the other day, m looked at the menu board and said "Mom! They're not making any money here!" and later that day he told me that I was really great and he was promoting me to marketing director. I bet I'm the first person in the world who started out as an entry-level mom and ended up as marketing director on the whim of the Chief Executive Officer himself. hahaha.
Anyway, so I let m play Sims while I went to lay cy down for his nap. Only cy didn't want to lay down for his nap right away. He kept popping up and saying "FIVE? FIVE?" Which means he wants me to give him five. I'm not sure what this has to do with naptime, but I'm becoming concerned about the fact that he avoids nursing as much as possible. I'm starting to think that maybe he's weaning himself. He shuns the booby as much as he accepts it lately and it's difficult to tell if it's just a nursing strike or phase or if he's actually weaning. Meanwhile I'm like the booby pusherwoman...constantly trying to get him hooked on the goods, man.
So, finally I got cy to sleep, and shortly thereafter K came over. She had art class this morning, so we only got to hang out with her for a couple of hours. She and m played in his room for awhile, and then they dragged some toys to the back room to play after I asked them to please relocate the noisy play so as to not wake up c. They are such good playmates! I love listening to them together because they both seem to bring out the best in each other.
I did some blogging while they were occupied, and then I got up to make some hummus. I plucked 8 very ripe cherry tomatoes from the garden to put on the hummus plates. Yum!
m got a little antsy after K left. He just loves being the center of attention, and once he is not, he does whatever it takes to get the attention. Eventually, he will learn that it pays to kind of blend into the background every once in awhile. Until then, L and I just have to constantly remind him about appropriate ways to get attention.
I flaked on m's eye appointment today, and was worried that they would charge me. Thankfully I have the world's best doctor, and I would have to miss FOUR APPOINTMENTS IN A ROW for them to charge me for a missed appointment. That, my friends, is unheard of! Unfortunately, I had to reschedule for a couple of weeks down the road, and I'm nervous about m's vision still. His eyes still seem to be focusing improperly. I guess it won't kill anyone to wait. I honestly thought the appointment was for tomorrow.
Oh well. Right now I'm at work, and I've decided to "let" my management assistant teach today's class for me. He does a great job with Internet Explorer, and the students are currently doing a web scavenger hunt. In a little while, they will be heading into the server closet for a very basic explanation of networking.
It's Thursday, which is my Friday. And tomorrow, Friday, is the day that I get my mommy time. So, yay! Tonight I will clean the bathroom and take a nice, relaxing bath. ahhhhhh...
360 degree update...
June 20, 2002
My co-worker called yesterday to tell me something that she thought would make me laugh. She said that she heard from another manager in our organization that our boss, along with the other (a third) manager have been BEGGING the executive director to not take the 360 degree evaluations into account for their performance appraisals.
I'm not surprised about this, but I am surprised that my co-worker thought it was funny. Unethical behavior is not really very funny to me. I mean, I thought it was funny ironic funny, but she was expecting me to bust out in a big gut laugh and I just couldn't even muster a fake one.
The fact is that the MANAGERS were the ones who pushed for the stupid evaluations without consulting the other employees. They are the ones who mandated it. They are the ones who did not listen to us when we said we thought it was bullshit and stupid (and believe me, my co-workers and I did not hold back...but by the time we were informed, it was "too late" to change the procedure.)
In fact, it's this very unwillingness to listen to the front line members of the organization that caused them to be scored harshly on their evaluations. Yes, that is funny. I'm not laughing, though.
Workers Have No Rights
June 20, 2002
G came to class last night, visibly upset. She's one of my favorite students...she is only able to come to class two nights a week because she's taking another class the other two days, but she manages to stay caught up.
I asked her what was up, and she told me that she needed to ask me a favor. Her boss did not believe she was in school at night. Actually, what she told me was that her boss said she was too old to be going to school(!!!!!) and that she needed a note from us confirming that she was indeed enrolled because G has been missing weekly meetings (which are mandatory, and 2 hours long, but for which G does not get paid).
This is such bullshit, but I don't even have time to be appalled, because I'm too busy listening to all my other clients talk about how they are being required to put their DATES OF BIRTH on job applications, along with MAKE AND MODEL AND LICENSE PLATE NUMBERS of their cars (even for jobs that don't require driving.)
I guess employers don't give a shit about potential lawsuits or complaints now that people are desperate for work. Fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuk (I honestly was trying to write a post without using the word fuck, but I just can't - these fuckers make me so angry!) We have done some research on this and it's unclear whether these questions (which are even printed on applications for STATE JOBS) are illegal, but they are unquestionably unethical. There is no reason at all that an employer would need to know the exact age of a potential employee. The ONLY reason that an employer would need to know whether or not a potential employee owns a car would be if they employee will be required to use their car for work purposes.
Asking these questions on job applications is UNQUESTIONABLY discriminatory. Unfortunately, the people I work with aren't in a position to protest. Jobs are scarce, and no one has ever gotten a job on the basis of being a rabble rouser.
Anyone want to start a new freaking country with me?
My Zit
June 19, 2002
Not to detract from the lively political discussions going on here and elsewhere, but I have a zit that is large enough to have its own central nervous system smack in the middle of my forehead. It's driving me crazy. I rarely get zits, but when I do, they seem to be huge tumorous entities.
Not only that, but L can't resist poking me on the zit whenever he walks past me. He's been begging me to let him pop it since it first appeared, but I'm afraid that I would lose a dangerous amount of plasma if he did.
OK. That's all. Carry on with your day.
Is it any wonder...
June 18, 2002
...that ERASE is such a powerful organization? It was founded by Applied Research Center, which brings us ColorLines Magazine.
Institutionalized
June 18, 2002
PREFACE: I do NOT have the answers to the questions I'm going to raise here. There are plenty of people with so-called "higher" degrees of education (essay on the bogus "knowledge monopoly" of colleges and universities forthcoming) who get paid a lot more money than I do to solve these problems. I feel it's my job to point out the fucking problems. Perhaps some of you can tell me I'm full of shit and should stop worrying about this stuff, or even maybe some of you can propose solutions. Either way, I'm determined to join the PTA this year in spite of the fact that I am NOT enrolling my son in school.
My most horrific suspicions about the neighborhood school were confirmed yesterday. I met a woman on the playground who knows a great deal about the inner workings of the school and we had a long conversation.
The first thing I learned was that there is a large group of emotionally disturbed foster children, 95% of whom are of color, who are bussed to that specific school. She said that they are all in one class because the teachers are not equipped to handle their "problems" in addition to the needs of the other 25+ students in their classes.
WHAT THE FUCK?! This made me want to fucking barf right then and there. Here's what I'm seeing. A school that is 75% white (I don't know the exact numbers, but it's predominantly white)...you bus in some people of color...then you segregate them into their own class because they have emotional problems...and you expect the white children to draw WHAT conclusions about race? Does this FUCKING make sense to anyone?
Not only that, but what does it do to the children in the "emotionally disturbed" class? "Look, I'm sorry that your life is fucked up through no fault of your own, but we don't trust you around those other (white) children because you might 'disrupt their learning' or 'create a hostile environment.' So we're going to shove you all in one class so you can, you know, get used to being segregated and invalidated on your one-track journey through the many varieties of institutions in which you will no doubt be incarcerated."
Oh. my. fucking. backflipping. holy. freaking. maude! This pisses me off! And these foster children...who is on their side? Because I have met them on the playground. I have blogged about J (not the J at work, this J is a 1st or 2nd grade kid), who is so so sweet to c in spite of the fact that his horribly inept teacher (and I can't BELIEVE this insensitive PRICK is in charge of the emotionally disturbed children! It is he who has his back turned while the other children in the class punch, trip, hit and tease J.) constantly berates him in front of me while I try to tell him that he's a nice kid. And because our fucking school system wants to...what? Preserve the integrity of their alfuckingmighty standardized test scores? Prevent teacher burnout? Avoid potential lawsuits? What? Tell me, what is it that is more important than the future of these children who've already been dealt a raw fucking deal by life? What is it?
I'm so pissed off about this, I can't even fucking see straight. Not only is this segment of the school population segregated off, but also all of the spanish speaking kids are in their own class. Which I can understand might be important to the children who are just learning english and cannot be thrown into the "mainstream" english-speaking population, but isn't there a more radical approach to this? Isn't there a way to infuse the Spanish-speaking population into the english-speaking population without compromising either demographic? Shouldn't both languages be celebrated? Particularly here in Texas, where, god, it's a fucking life skill to learn Spanish (one that I damn sure wish I had).
What is the freaking deal? I really really understand why certain segments of the population would voluntarily opt for segregation. I totally believe that is the perogative of a group that could potentially be marginalized. However, this sort of enforced, institutionalized segregation stinks like horse shit to me.
Like I said before, I don't have the solution to this problem. I suspect the solution lies in a complete deconstruction of the public school system as it stands. Because a child should not have to be subjected to these labels and categorization. Because a child should not be doomed to fail before they even have a chance to fully understand what failure is. And because children should not be systemically trained to view other children (or themselves) as problems (and not just problems, but SOMEONE ELSE'S problems).
And if I hear one more fucking parent of a publically schooled kid tell me that my kids are somehow missing out on cultural diversity, I'm going to tell them to shove it up their ass. Because, seriously, if this is institutionalized learning's idea of cultural diversity...there really is no wonder that we are in such a fucked up place about race issues in this country.
I thought I would easily find a bunch of sites about systemic racism in our public schools. A quick search netted only ONE.
Thanks, "Jim"
June 18, 2002
This link comes courtesy of fertile_jim. And it's somewhat ironic b/c I spend my bus ride today writing an essay on race and institutional education in my head.
thanks, "jim."
No More Prisons
June 18, 2002
It occurred to me today that if I am opposed to the death penalty because of the inherent injustice of our racist system, then I certainly must also oppose imprisonment of any kind.
OK, so maybe I'm a little slow, but I'm slowly starting to understand some things other people have been telling me for a long time.
Why L Rocks
June 18, 2002
Last night I came home and there was one slice left. Just for me. He made pizza. I don't know how he did it...there's not a freaking scrap of cheese (not even soy cheeze!) in the house, but he managed to throw together the yummiest vegan pizza, homemade crust and all. I'm glad they at least saved me a piece. I mean...this stuff was TASTY.
Of course, I'm never allowed to compliment him because he always looks at me like I'm being a dork if I say anything nice to him. So I just sort of gave him a moonyswoony look. I'm sure I'll find a way to reward him later. I still owe him for the southern fried breast of tofu...even though he has not fixed my computer yet.
m's Quote of the Day
June 17, 2002
Today m accidentally left the water running in the bathroom after he washed his hands. Our bathroom sink is draining slowly, so when I finally noticed the water was on, the bathroom floor was completely flooded with water. I called m in, and showed him what had happened, and we both set about cleaning up the mess.
When we had finished, I told m he needed to be more careful about turning off the faucet because it wasn't a good idea to waste water. He said "I'm sorry." and I said "Don't apologize to me..." to which he replied "I'm not apologizing to you, mom...I'm apologizing to the sink. And the ocean."
randomWalks
June 17, 2002
I have to say that there seems to be a sudden influx of really good links on randomWalks. Not that they don't normally rule, but today they rule supreme.
Digital Empowerment
June 17, 2002
This is one of the lobbying groups that was much discussed at last weekends CTCNet conference. There is lots of information on their site about providing digital access/digital equality.
George W. Bush and his administration are walking around saying that the digital divide has already been bridged, and organizations like mine are merely equivocating about quality rather than access. I think the quote that's been bantered about is that they feel that it's an Mercedes divide rather than a digital divide. Meaning, we're complaining that those who are at an economic disadvantage are being given Yugos rather than Mercedes...the idea behind which is supposedly the vehicle is there and we're bitching about comfort.
As any of you who are remotely digitally savvy probably know, this is bullshit. There is a vast degree of difference between the digital equivalent of a Yugo and the digital equivalent of a Mercedes. Not to mention that neither vehicle is worth shit if no one helps you learn how to put the freaking thing in gear.
If you are interested in writing to your elected officials about the urgency of this issue, the digital empowerment site is a great resource of information about who to write to and even what to say. CTCs are a relatively new public service, and our piece of the pie is being eaten away by defense budgets. The advantage of CTCs over other public/social service programs is that we are really helping to improve the futures of people who are at an economic disadvantage. By reaching out to parents and children and providing them with access to technology and helping them learn how to utilize that technology, we are really helping to narrow the information and knowledge gap.
Freedom
June 17, 2002
I keep thinking about freedom and doing the things that I enjoy doing in life. Really, at this very moment in my life the only real restrictions I have are time and money. The paradox is that in order to have more of one, it means I would have even less of the other.
What am I willing to sacrifice for more time? I feel like I've already rearranged things to optimize my time, and the only thing I could do to generate more time would be to somehow become all-powerful and actually change the way time is measured...
What am I willing to sacrifice for more money? Not a whole fucking hell of a lot. I'm in a hole right now, financially. If I think about it too hard, I might freak out. So I don't think about it! In general, though...I'm enjoying my freedom. I'm enjoying being out of the rat race. I'm enjoying having a spouse who is out of the rat race, too. I've chosen to live this way, and I'm pretty damn happy about it, even if I do sometimes wonder how we are going to make ends meet.
I feel very lucky. I have lots of time to spend with my beautiful children. I have a partner who is supportive of my needs and desires (for the most part) and one whose needs and desires I can support (for the most part). I have a wonderful (free! Thanks kd!) outlet for communicating my thoughts and feelings (not to mention a pretty cool "audience" to add to and expound on and refocus them). I have a great job that enables/forces me to exist in a role of support and encouragement to others, not to mention the support and encouragement I receive from my clients on a daily basis. I have a roof over my head. Food in my stomach. I even bought a new backpack the other day (you can tell it's been a long time since I've spent any money on material items when I get totally excited about buying a backpack...and I HAD to buy it because my old one was literally falling apart!)
I have to say, there isn't much I can complain about right now. I wish I could thank everyone who has helped me to come to this place. I wish everyone could have a period in their lives where they could feel this free.
Silly Baby Tricks
June 17, 2002
Apparently, cy is also becoming aware of his nether regions. Another new trick of his is to balance on his head with feet on the ground and his bottom waving around in the air. He then pats himself and declares "BUTT! BUTT! BUTT!"
What can I say? The kid knows his body parts!
Oh, cY!
June 17, 2002
I've been running around all day cleaning up after and having various degrees of panic about the misadventures of cy.
This kid is all action. There are toys strewn all about the house. Random toys of random origin that cy grabs from random places, carries around for a random amount of time, and then randomly discards. Today has been a moody day for me, so I've been cursing under my breath about this all day.
Then there are the books. His favorite hobby these days is to pull the books off of the various bookshelves one by one and either throw them to the ground or bring them to me. There are books all over the bedroom floor that I can't ever put away because if I try to put them away while he is awake, he just pulls them back down immediately (I find that I can put them away SLIGHTLY faster than he can pull them down, but it feels totally frustrating to do so). If I wanted to put them away, I would have to do it during one of his naps, or after bedtime and...well...I don't want to wake him.
And, while I'm sorta bitching WHAT IS IT with his uncanny ability to scan the area in a microsecond and ALWAYS grab THE ONE THING in his reach that could potentially maim him. Somehow he managed to grab a pair of scissors in the car yesterday that I didn't even know were there. And, of course, it is a horrible injustice if I should try to remove these things from his grasp! The NERVE of me!
And MUST HE REALLY have to climb into the fridge EVERY TIME someone opens the door?
As the day builds, these things all start to build in me until my shoulders are hunched and I"m starting to gripe at everyone and everything. I don't want to hear any whining. I don't want to hear any freaking crying or screaming because I'm not responding with lightning speed to every freaking request or demand. I DON'T want to be touched, climbed on, or messed with. I AM NOT A FREAKING JUNGLE GYM.
And then, when it's finally bedtime, we lay down together. He refuses to nurse because he knows it makes him sleepy. He starts banging his head against the wall (not to mention ME) in an effort to stay awake. He wiggles. He giggles. He runs from the bed...
And then he does something completely new. He unfurls his tongue from his mouth, pants like a dog, and licks me. My pinched face unpinches. He licks me again. I smile...trying not to laugh. Again. I chortle. Again. I bust out laughing. I laugh and I laugh and I laugh and I laugh so hard I start to cough. He laughs too.
And then he snuggles up next to me and nurses himself to sleep.
Sunday Surfing...
June 16, 2002
Wiley Wiggins has a blog.
Pea has redecorated...and dangerous beans looks fantastic!
I'd like to come back here and read more when I have time
Talking about penises...with grandma? (I don't think I would know the protocol, either)
Cool! I found a site with cool pavement stones through this site.
(too bad I don't have any money...these would make really cool path stones...
Punk Rock Aerobics? He led me to it (although I'm pretty sure he doesn't "get" it.)
This site is simple and straightforward. I like it a lot.
She used to work at Kinko's. Are there any other Kinko's refugees out there? We're thinking of forming a support group.
And on a much more positive note...
June 16, 2002
I came home from my little mini-outing (cut short today because, well, it IS Father's Day) and asked m if he missed me. He replied:
"Yes! I thought you would never come back...I always miss you when you go away. And you are always beautifuller when you come back, even when you are just coming back from work."
Awwwwww!
Religious intolerance...Gotta Love It.
June 16, 2002
A child climbs all over a large statue of the Buddha in the lobby of a Chinese restaurant.
One of the parents turns to the other and says:
"You wouldn't let him climb all over a cross if you were at church."
The other parent responds:
"Yes....but that's GOD!"
(and, yes, this conversation was loud enough for all of the patrons and restaurant workers to easily overhear)
My Midwife...
June 16, 2002
My Midwife has a bumper sticker that says:
"Midwives help people out."
(I realize I'm not pregnant, but I still call her My midwife)...
Train to Chicago/Van to MN
June 15, 2002
My Job is a Movement
June 15, 2002
Those are the words I wrote in my notebook as I listened to a panel discussion about community access and policy here at CTCNet. And those are the exact words that were later spoken by a prominent activist for Community Technology Centers.
Much more forthcoming about what I feel is a very important movement. A movement that provides communities with access not only to the physical technological equipment, but also provides communities with the tools to utilize this equipment for whatever purpose they deem worthy and empowering. I have so much to say about this after only 2 brief days here among my peers from all corners of the US.
One thing that HASN'T been discussed is the alienating content which already exists on the internet. There is at least one organization that is directly taking on the issues of content as it relates to meaningful information, with the idea that if underserved communities have access to culturally relevant information, the members of those communities will use the technology more fervently. However, there is little said about the very huge volume of culturally biased/culturally exclusionary...damnit, just plain racist material out there that could serve to drive a wedge between those who "always have" and those who are "finally getting."
I'm going to have to revisit this topic when I've had more time to digest it. Right now, I'm digesting a very tasty lunch! I went totally out of character and sat at a table where I knew no one and actually talked with people. It was a great meal shared with inspiring people (the woman who sat next to me is in charge of 6 CTCs in Wilmington, DE - which to me is just an amazing number for such a small city)...I skipped out during the awards ceremony to get my internet fix here in the lab that has been set up so the jonesing nerds don't get too cranky.
I will be here until 5 or 6. I am really really enjoying myself. In fact, today I learned that the next conference is in Washington, DC...and I'm already plotting strategies on how I'm going to get there.
Tagging the Dog?
June 14, 2002
L has decided that it's really funny to graffiti the dog with the orange hairspray that we have left over from some Halloween long ago. It started off with just a random splotch...and then there were the racing stripes...and last night I came home to find that her name and our phone number were emblazoned on her sides (he actually used stencils!) and a dollar sign on her forehead.
This is all well and good until the dog decides to take herself for a walk through the neighborhood and get's "rescued" by a well-meaning neighbor. The first thing out of my mouth when I responded to the companion animal rescue message was "It's not spray paint...it's just hair spray." Thankfully the rescue lady had a sense of humor about it...
I swear to fucking Maude, from now on if L insists on defacing the dog, he is going to have to be the one who retrieves her when she gets out.
My Mom...
June 14, 2002
So, my mom is now apparently on a mission to get me to come out to Chicago for a family reunion of sorts. Her message yesterday was nice enough...a simple "are you ready to talk to me yet?" which I pondered over all day.
Today she is showing her impatience with me. Her message was more like "Are you ready to talk about whatever it is that is upsetting you."
Which pretty much convinces me that I am not, in fact, ready. Because if she doesn't fucking know "whatever it is that is upsetting" me...then she is still fucking living in denial-land, where all of our family members get along and no one has ever acted inappropriately towards anyone else.
I have to say, though, that even if I did decide to talk to her, the last thing in the freaking world I would want to do is attend a family reunion on her turf. Or, more specifically, on my bitchy sister's turf. I've had enough. After reading through the journal that I'm currently transcribing for your reading pleasure, I am convinced that I no longer want to have anything at all to do with my sister unless she undergoes some sort of major transformation. Even if my mother and I manage to make amends...it will have to be under the condition that I am not expected to waste any more energy on her. I just don't want to expose myself to her bullshit anyfuckingmore.
ladies and gentlemen...
June 14, 2002
I am currently posting FROM THE COMFORT OF MY OWN HOME. Granted, I'm using a crappy loaner UMAX laptop...but I'm at home. yay!
I'm starting to think that my motherboard on my new computer is going to be completely incompatible with Linux, considering it has been incompatible with every version of Windows we have tried thus far. It seems to only want to communicate with Windows Me, 2000, or xp. Ugh.
This is cute
June 14, 2002
Bubble Bees...if my computer was working, I would play it all day!
Link courtesy of Cecily
In June of 1999...
June 13, 2002
I was preparing for and embarking on a train trip to Chicago with m that would, ultimately, lead to the demise of my relationship with my sister, and would eventually cause the rift that now exists between my mother and me.
I'll be transcribing the journals from that time as soon as I am able...
360 degrees of bullshit
June 13, 2002
In an effort to actually provide its employees with feedback, the non-profit I work for decided to use 360 degree evaluations as the basis for our performance appraisals. Yahoo. What better way to promote teamwork in an organization than give co-workers the opportunity to hide behind anonymity and "rate" their fellow co-workers.
In a unified front of rebelliousness, 2 of my co-workers and I decided that we weren't going to write written explanations of our ratings, and would just circle the numbers. This seemed like a suitable compromise. I think we pretty much all scored each other fairly high and scored our uber boss very low.
Here's the clincher...who is it that we hand this feedback in to? None other than our uber boss. How very...anonymous! Particularly since when I went to put mine into her mailbox yesterday she was SITTING RIGHT THERE. And there was nothing else in her inbox. She tried to pretend that she didn't see me, but I know she did, so I obnoxiously walked up to her and said "Hi H!" before I walked out.
Niiiiiice. I also found out that she had removed the other surveys that had arrived in her inbox prior to mine. So, great. It's obvious she's really interested in preserving the "integrity" of the process. Now I'm just waiting to see how she rated me. I wonder if she wrote up my performance appraisal before or after she looked at my survey? HmmmMMmmMM...
An announcement
June 13, 2002
It is really honest-to-maude no fun at all to have sunscreen in your eye.
Learning Lessons
June 12, 2002
I don't know if anyone else is like me, but I usually get royally pissed off at people when they display the same characteristics that I hate about myself. I'm finally starting to realize this and really pay attention to why I'm angry with someone so that I can learn a lesson for myself. It doesn't always make me less angry with the person who pissed me off in the first place, but at least it makes me a (hopefully) better person in the long run.
One of the things I have learned from this way of looking at things is that I need to work on defending people rather than ideas or thoughts. I have recently had some problems with friends (not to mention family) because they have staunchly defended opinions or a thoughts over my feelings or reality. I've also seen this enacted over the past week in the blog of someone I really respect and admire. She had a problem with offensive racist overtones in a passage in a book, and someone continually tried to justify that passage and that book. Why do we do this, as people?
The book I'm currently reading (Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles) talks about how some people are feelers and some people are thinkers (the old myers-briggs stuff) and thinkers will crusade in the name of fairness and following the rules whereas thinkers are more likely to bend the rules to avoid hurt feelings. I think I land squarely in the middle, but close enough to one or the other side at any given time to learn a lesson.
I think a lot of this arguing of semantics and intention is what causes rifts between classes of people. Anyone who is even tangentially involved in any sort of anti-oppression movement has to put people before ideas. I might not understand why someone feels the way they do. I might have evidence which in my mind supports why they should NOT feel that way. But what it boils down to is that another person's set of experiences and realities are probably drastically different from mine and that needs to be respected for real progress to occur.
With my internal and external observances of this issue as my guide, I think it's an important priority to set for myself. I must make sure I am always defending people before ideas. Or - even better - that my ideology is firmly anchored in the desire to ensure the freedom and safety of people.
Take the children swimming. Take them swimming
June 12, 2002
The boys and I went swimming today for the first time this year. We have a free public pool at the park across the street from us, so it's sorta like having a pool in our backyard only a lot of strangers come and swim there. OK, so it's nothing at all like having a pool in our backyard, but it's close, and it's free, and it's awesome to go there when the temperatures are in the high 90's like today.
As if I needed further illustration of how different m and c are from each other! m, ever the cautious boy, is well able to stand with his head above water on the shallow end of the pool. Yet still he insists that I hold him and carry him around. He refuses to put his face in the water and I'm secretly worried he will never learn to swim (why this is a concern at all while we are landlocked in the middle of freaking Texas is a very good question that I'm afraid I cannot answer.)
c...oh, c. My little daredevil. He nearly jumped from my arms on the deep end of the pool while I was desperately trying to hang on to both boys in one of our "across the pool and back" expeditions. He loves leaping from the edge of the pool into my arms (if I put him up out of the water, he immediately says "one, tooooooo, freeeeeee" and jumps in) and does not seem to mind terribly much if I accidentally dip his face in the water.
It's weird, because m used to be absolutely fearless in the water, too. I think he was about the same age as c, maybe a little younger, the year after we moved into our house. I could literally dunk him, full body, in the water with me...go completely under...and he would come up giggling and asking for more. We spent an entire summer like this and even took swimming lessons where the instructor was absolutely amazed by m's fearlessness and ease in the water. And then the next year came and m would not step foot anywhere NEAR the pool. If I asked him to come swimming with me, he would say "NO! It's DANGEROUS!"
Ever since then, I've been slowly trying to help him regain a sense of safety in the water. I don't know if that is a natural developmental thing or not, but I've secretly always felt guilty that I somehow traumatized him at some point. Although in general m is an abnormally cautious child...so, I don't know.
So I spent much of our pool expedition today reassuring m that I won't let him drown and I won't let bad things happen to him and if he happens to go under for any length of time, I am right here and I will help him find the surface. All the while trying to restrain the wiggling c and prevent him from submerging himself entirely.
*sigh*
I'm not sure how I feel about Body Shop
June 11, 2002
But I love this poster!
The Vegan Pantry
June 11, 2002
Need help grocery shopping? Click here
c Retorts
June 11, 2002
MoooooooOOOOoo! MooooOOOooo! Toe. Moo. Mmmm
Moi-gi-da.
Da da da da da da da da
d-dd-ddd-da
da-waaaa
Mommy - o - wa
Bye bye
E-weeeeeeeeeee
BYE BYE!
m's Blog
June 11, 2002
Dear Mom,
I really really REALLY REALLY love my mommy, and I give her a lot of hugs (aww), and I sometimes blow her a lot of kisses, and I'll always really really REALLY REALLY love her.
Love,
m
m and c Update
June 11, 2002
m read to me last night at story time. He's such an expressive reader. I wonder if we should do more acting with the feltboard and puppets. He actually wrote a puppet show (he dictated and I wrote it out) and we made all of the scenes and puppets for it, but never actually acted it out because we couldn't figure out how to make the stage...
Anyway, when he reads, it's actually INTERESTING and captivating to hear him. I love it! Whenever he sees an exclamation point, he YELLS that sentence. And everything else he reads is completely animated with varying inflection. It's amazing. Do I read that way to him? Is that where he picked it up?
cy is now able to count to 10. He skips the number 9, but today he stopped skipping 7, so I'm sure he'll learn soon. He counts constantly, so I have it pretty easy in terms of "teaching" him. My boys are both unschoolers all the way, man. It's so cool. c also is currently going through the parrot phase of speech development. He will attempt to repeat every word I say. Some newer words in his vocabulary include:
Mine
Crayon (it sounds like "tan")
m (said with HARD K)
Dog
Cow
Drum
Window
Ow...hurt
here you go
and many others I cannot recall.
and, of course, m's vocabulary is expanding every day. He can now pronounce a few words he had trouble with (like CHILDREN, which he used to pronounce ChiR-dren). We're starting to work a little on his lisp. Nothing militant or anything, but I've started to try and help him with where his tongue goes. He says he prefers to say "s" sounds with his tongue between his teeth, like a snake. So at least he's aware of where his tongue is.
I'm going to start letting the kids journal on a regular basis. The next two entries will be c and m's blog entries for the day...
Another code cracked
June 11, 2002
Oh. My. Fucking. Maude.
L figured out how to make southern fried breast of tofu for me.
I may never leave the house again.
Is it just me...
June 10, 2002
Or is anyone else having trouble accessing my single mom life?
I've been wanting to poke around and read that site all weekend, and I haven't been able to...
Car-PRIVILEGED
June 10, 2002
ok, first, I have to thank Scratchmittens for holding me accountable here.
I have been doing some thinking about carfree and I realize I have a long way to go and in no way do I intend to imply that I'm doing anything spectacular by taking the bus to work on a regular basis. There is a whole shift that I need to make, and I'm not there yet, but if I keep reading things from Scratchmittens, and Pink Prickly Pear, and Pea, and fertile_jim...and if I keep talking to my carfree non-blogging friends (like Megan - Hi, if you are reading this!)...I know I will come around.
Thanks to all who have gone before me. Thanks for the support. I appreciate it. I bought a bus pass today, and because I am hell-bent against wasting money, I know that I will at least be taking 10 dollars worth of bus rides this month. That's 20 rides, folks.
ah, cripes...
June 10, 2002
Listen...I'm handing out free clues...
Having a conversation with someone who happens to have a penis IS NOT FLIRTING. Not wearing a bra while having a conversation with someone who happens to have a penis DOES NOT MAKE ME A SLUT. Sitting in a comfortable position while having a conversation with someone who happens to have a penis DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A COME-ON.
I'll make it very clear. When I tell someone to fuck me. Now. THAT means I am trying to get sex out of someone. Anything else is just NORMAL. HUMAN. INTERACTION.
*sigh*
June 9, 2002
My fingers are freezing as I sit here in this cold room. I have to return to my computerless home and I'm so bummed because I have so much to write about and the paper journal just doesn't cut it. Something about my fingers dancing on keys that provides me with a certain rhythm. I feel set back. But, oh well. L has band practice and I have to get going.
Sunday Afternoon Linky Love
June 9, 2002
Austin has so many great photobloggers. This is one of them
I thought I was the only one who had a child who loves the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack
She has a new look...I have to change my blogroll!
This one seems relatively new, and I kind of like it!
Well, this one is damn cool to look at!
I haven't read much of this one, but I have to cruise soon...I know I will be back. Check it out!
Have you read THE LORAX recently?
June 9, 2002
business is business!
And business must grow
regardless of crummies in tummies, you know.
anarchist poetry
June 9, 2002
Cool! I found this site while doing a search for Yertle the Turtle
1988
June 9, 2002
Read about what I was doing in 1988 here
Well, damn!
June 9, 2002
Now I have even more of a reason to jones for my computer to be fixed. I've been asked to join the folks at randomWalks! How cool is that! So, I can't wait to actually have time to surf around aimlessly, looking for good stuff to post.
I'm so honored to have been invited.
A friday in my life...
June 8, 2002
Read all about it here.
OK, I know I've said it before...
June 8, 2002
But she amazes me.
My Friend J.
June 7, 2002
I've taken J-, a sophomore in high school, out to dinner to thank him for helping me with a presentation I had to do. The subject of family comes up, and I ask him how many brothers and sisters he has.
"5." He says, "but only 4 of them are still living. One of my brothers is dead"
"I'm so sorry," I say "...what happened to him?"
"Well, I was 3 and he must have been 5." He begins, and then quickly adds, "I shouldn't have left to go get him a cookie. My mom was baking cookies and I left to get him one. He was playing with my fathers gun. I shouldn't have left to get him that cookie. I know I shouldn't have. But when I got downstairs, my mom and I heard a POP. And when we went back upstairs, he was there. on the bed. And there was so much blood."
He pauses. Looks at me. Smiles sheepishly. Looks down.
"I can't understand it. I just don't know why I can't get that image out of my head. I can still see it in my head."
Tears in my eyes, I touch his back. I say "Oh, sweety...you were only 3 years old. You didn't need to witness that. You shouldn't have had to see that. You shouldn't have had to experience that. It's not your fault, J. It's not your fault."
***
I'm trying to talk J out of joining the military when he gets out of school. He's been in JROTC for the past 3 years, and they (along with his father) have done a pretty good job of convincing him that he has no other options.
But he has tons of other options. The kid is smart. Genius smart. He picks things up quickly and figures things out on his own. However, he doesn't follow orders well at all, and he's goofy as all get out. I mean, the good kind of goofy, but the kind of goofy that doesn't go over well in a military environment.
And, yes, I have a personal beef against the military...be even regardless of that, this kid does not belong there. So I'm working on him. I tell him I have a whole year to convince him to try for conventional scholarships. I now have my favorite client helping me, as we all wait for the bus to pick us up. J. is acting all silly and hyper and A. and I are telling him he's just not the military type. And J. seems upset by this. and I don't want to upset him...but I worry about him. I'm protective of him. Because I want him to succeed. I want him to REALLY be all that he can be.
Urgh..
June 7, 2002
So I was all psyched to get my hard drive installed and start blogging from home once again last night. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
What it boils down to is we are having all sorts of problems loading windows 98 due to funky driver issues. So, it's still not working.
AND, I now owe my husband 60 bux or the equivalent in sexual favors if he succeeds in getting me up and running.
Which, come to think of it...isn't such a bad deal.
Hahahah
June 6, 2002
Much love to letter never sent for the link to this article. I thought this quote was choice:
Elbows crush the petunias in the cottage's window boxes as people lean forward to peer through the windows and watch Mack knead dough. "What's that?" a little girl asks her mother.
"This lady's making an apple pie," the mom responds. "Just like in the old times, with real flour."
Reliving the Past
June 6, 2002
Oh, I have a special treat for when my computer is up. I found a bunch of letters and journal entries and poems from around this time in 1988. The prime of my life. I had already graduated, and was on the threshold of moving into my first swinging pad with two roommates. It was a cool cool time. I can't wait to share it with you!
Update on the second job/c situation
June 6, 2002
Talked to uberboss today. Now, I know I complain about her a lot, but the thing is she really is a pushover. She comes on very very strong and strict, but if you argue with her, she always ends up coming around. Every time.
Well, I told her that I really don't want to pass up the opportunity to attend the teacher training, but I'm concerned about c's attachment issues (or separation issues). I proposed that I be allowed to attend the teacher training, then work from home at night as much as possible, on an on-call status.
She was totally cool with this. It actually surprised me. She said that absolutely she wants me to attend the training, and that it would be great for me and my counterpart to be able to report back to her on the status of this program (it's a high school technology program that's taught in a unique, very "accelerated learning" way...and they want us to try to transform the year-long program into a 6-week adult education program) and see how we can integrate it into what we're doing. She even said that she and LeRoy could cover for me at night if need be.
So, I'm set. I'm doing it. M- seems flexible about the day I spend with K-, so I don't think it will interfere with that, either.
Woohoo!
What a Great Day!
June 6, 2002
We hung out with M-s daughter, K- today. M- started school this week and has asked me to watch 7-year old K- one day a week from 9-3. K- is amazing. Intelligent, confident, kick-ass, super cool kid. Yet another shining example of the fact that young mothers without partners do, in fact, raise healthy children.
We all just had the best time, and m and K- built the coolest windmill out of m's construct-o-straw set. It was amazing. They were in m's room, and I heard them arguing, so I popped my head in and said "hey...what's up" and I was told what was up (something fairly trivial) so I just said "listen, I'm going to give you 5 minutes to try to work this out on your own, and if you can't come up with a resolution, I'll just give you each a separate task to work on so you can take a break from each other."
Five minutes later, they walk out with this amazing 4-foot tall construct. I was so very proud of them. And I could tell they were proud of themselves for working it out.
M- wants to homeschool K-, and I think that would be a good thing. One of the first things K- said when she got to my house was "I'm out of school for the summer, and I might never have to be in school ever again!" The joy on her face was enough to make me decide that I'm going to do whatever I can to help M- keep K- out of school. M-s not sure what she's going to do, but I think between the two of us, and perhaps if we find more people, we'll be able to keept he kids occupied and learning stuff.
M-, if you are reading this (I'm not sure if you want your identity revealed to the readers of my blog) You kick ass, mama! We had a ton of fun today and are looking forward to next week.