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No fucking way!
December 8, 2007
Dear Mr. or Ms. OUR GOVERNMENT:
If you are going to wage ridiculous wars in my name, and insist that young men and women die for your enrichment...please at least pay them the paltry sum you have promised regardless of whether or not they are too injured (mentally, physically, spiritually, or otherwise) to complete the task.
Sincerely,
Me.
kdka.com - Military Asks Wounded Soldiers To Return Portions Of Signing Bonuses
The U.S. Military is demanding that thousands of wounded service personnel give back signing bonuses because they are unable to serve out their commitments.To get people to sign up, the military gives enlistment bonuses up to $30,000 in some cases.
Now men and women who have lost arms, legs, eyesight, hearing and can no longer serve are being ordered to pay some of that money back.
(link courtesy of this post at echidne)
The Department of "Who Do We Think We Are Fooling?"
May 24, 2007
A couple of news items have really struck me in the past few days. Last night, I was driving around listening to an NPR (or maybe it was The World...yeah, it was The World) report about the U.S. Embassy in Iraq...the only rebuilding project that is being completed on time and within budget (must have been a HUGE budget) on some of the best land in Baghdad. When the reporter was asked how the U.S. acquired the land, she gave some vague reply about how, in these kinds of deals, the land is usually bought by the other nation or given as a gift. She never really said if either of those was the method by which the U.S. acquired the land...she just said something about how there are hopes that this will be land that is used for diplomatic purposes:
he complex is to be 104 acres, six times the size of the United Nations' property in New York and approximately the same size as the Vatican. It has fortified walls and apartments inside for 615 staffers, to spare them the risk of having to go out on the actual streets of, you know, Iraq. Despite American vows to return normalcy, the new long-term home seems to bet on decades of chaos: Behind the walls, it has water-treatment facilities to cope with the Iraqi capital's lack of potable water, power generation to compensate for Baghdad's erratic electricity, as well as a food court, beauty parlor, pool, gym, and club. All surely necessary to keep staffers safe and sane in unimaginably difficult working conditions. But not quite the kind of facility you build for the long run in one of those normal, friendly countries that Iraq was supposed to become.
And now this...to which I can only say...WHAT THE FUCK?
The Self-Licking Ice Cream Cone
January 9, 2007
"Self-licking ice cream cone" is the descriptor for a self-fulfilling prophecy as described by the 20th century sociologist Robert K. Merton: "The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the original false conception come true."
[source]
Spc. Vanderpool
November 7, 2006
Does the Military Send Sick Soldiers to Iraq War?
He was deployed to Iraq after numerous hospitalizations at V.A. hospitals and was being medicated for depression. He arrived in Iraq at the end of October 2004 and was soon caught in a deadly firefight that nearly took his life. After the incident, his psychological condition worsened. Eccleston and Gomes remember Vanderpool walking around, never sleeping, acting strange. A sworn statement by his roommate, Sgt. Timothy Walsh, says Vanderpool complained of flashbacks and was telling bizarre stories about being trained by the CIA and killing people in Spain.He was treated by a psychiatrist in Iraq who informed his command that "his weapon should be removed from him as he is a threat to himself and others." On Jan. 12, 2005, Sgt. Bien signed a memo putting Vanderpool on profile and taking away his weapons.
A month later Vanderpool returned to New York on leave, and while there was brought by a friend to the Northport Veterans Hospital emergency room. The friend told hospital staff that Vanderpool was acting strange and was nonverbal, and medical reports described him as confused and disoriented. After a meeting with a military liaison team, which reviewed Vanderpool's medical records, including those showing multiple psychiatric hospitalizations, Vanderpool was released from hospital, ordered to report back to duty and return to Iraq.
A few days later he showed up at the Nassau University Medical Center and was diagnosed with peptic ulcer diseases. After receiving treatment, he left the hospital with his Zoloft, Seroquel and Protonix, and was sent back to Iraq.
For five more months he was deployed with no weapon, even though his base was repeatedly hit by rocket fire, killing at least one and wounding several soldiers.
Vanderpool said he felt terrified without a weapon. Gomes said the command was prepared to send Vanderpool on a mission, defenseless.
"They were trying to send this guy on a mission to the fricking border with no weapon. Even the general turned around to 1st Sgt. [Bien] and told him he was crazy, not to let him off base without a weapon."
Bien said, "No soldier was ever sent out or asked to be sent outside the wire without a weapon."
Then he added, "We were also conducting training for Iraqis at another camp and I had to assign several personnel to run this camp. When I included VDP's (Vanderpool's) name on the list, he refused to go."
In July, Vanderpool said he "flipped out," tried to steal another soldier's rifle and attack a superior officer. He was flown out of Iraq, first to a psych unit in Germany and then to Ft. Polk, La., where he spent five months in medical hold under the care of psychiatrists.
Why would the military keep a soldier in Iraq who had attempted suicide and was clearly medically unfit?
"They kept him there out of spite, to use him an example to other soldiers, said Gomes who spent his whole tour with Vanderpool. "Bien wanted to use Vanderpool as an example to the rest of the platoon to obey him."
Bien said, "If every soldier that showed signs of stress was taken off the battle roster, there would be nobody left to fight."
I have nothing further to say about this. It makes me unbelievably sad to think about it, but it needs to be thought about.
Bechtel Pulls Out
November 3, 2006
Bechtel calls it quits after more than 3 years in Iraq - Los Angeles Times
but, of course, it's not WHAT you know, but WHO you know:
Bechtel's government influence has also worked in the other direction, where company officers have served or consulted in government capacities. CEO Riley Bechtel was appointed in February 2003 to the President's Export Council, which advises the president on programs to improve trade. Former Bechtel Energy Resources President Ross Connelly left the company in 1995 and in 2001 was appointed executive vice president of the Overseas Private Investment Corporation, which provides financing and insurance for U.S. companies operating in other countries. Daniel Chao, Vice President of Bechtel Enterprises Holdings Inc., was appointed a member of the Advisory Committee for the Export-Import Bank in August 2002. The Export-Import Bank provides loans, loan guarantees and other financial support for U.S. companies abroad, and has enjoyed a good relationship with Bechtel. In addition to awarding the company several loans, it was headed from 1977 to 1982 by former Bechtel vice president John L. Moore, and former Bechtel CEO Stephen D. Bechtel sat on its advisory committee from 1969 to 1972. In addition, the Clinton administration appointed Bob Baxter, former president of Bechtel's Civil Global Industry Unit, to the Advisory Committee to the President's Commission on Critical Infrastructure Protection in 1998, and former Bechtel Technology & Consulting manager Larry Papay to the Panel on Energy R&D of the President's Council of Advisers on Science and Technology in 1997.[source]
"We were told it would be a permissive environment. But to the horror of everyone, it never stabilized. It just went down, down, down, and to this day it continues to go down," said Cliff Mumm, who ran Bechtel's Iraq operation. "I'm proud of what we did, but had law and order prevailed, it would be a different situation."At one Bechtel project, in the southern city of Basra, the company recorded this toll: The site security manager was murdered; the site manager resigned after receiving death threats; a senior engineer resigned after his daughter was kidnapped; 12 employees of the electrical-plumbing subcontractor were assassinated in their offices; and 11 employees of the concrete supplier were murdered.
All told, 52 workers associated with Bechtel projects were killed, most of them Iraqi. Forty-nine others were wounded.
In case you were wondering, we all knew they would fuck it up:
Activists say that the incestuous relationship between Bechtel and the US government bodes ill for the Iraqi people."Bechtel and privatization go hand in hand. As people learned the hard way in Bolivia and around the world, when Bechtel comes to town, you can expect costs to soar and accountability and local control to evaporate," says Juliette Beck, senior organizer at Public Citizen's Oakland office.
[source]
and, ummmmm....
The Center for Responsive Politics, a government watchdog organization, reports that all six companies that were originally allowed to bid for the contract are heavy donors to American politicians, particularly to the Republican Party. Combined, they gave $3.6 million between 1999 and 2002, 66 percent to Republicans. Bechtel itself contributed $1.3 million of this.But Bechtel’s connections extend far beyond campaign contributions. The company has operated for decades as a halfway house for Republican politicians and military officials heading both into and out of government service.
One of Bechtel’s senior vice presidents is Jack Sheehan, who is also a member of the Defense Policy Board, which advises Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. Right-wing forces closely aligned with Rumsfeld dominate the defense board. Its former head was Richard Perle, a vociferous advocate of war in Iraq who was forced to resign as chairman when conflicts of interest relating to his connection with telecommunications giant Global Crossing were revealed last month.
[source]
convenient timing? Funny how none of the news reports I heard or read mentioned this:
Bechtel's Iraq contracts are set to expire in October and, as David Snider of the U.S. Agency for International Development told me, Bechtel "is currently closing out and demobilizing from Iraq as scheduled." Bechtel should leave Iraq, but its misspent funds should stay.[source]
I'd wager they're taking their money with them, and leaving the unfinished projects behind.
950 Iraqis killed in war-related violence this month.
October 23, 2006
cbs13.com - Diplomat Says He 'Misspoke' On Iraq
Sunday's killings raised to at least 950 the number of Iraqis who have died in war-related violence this month, an average of more than 40 a day. Until this month, the daily average had been about 27. The AP count includes civilians, government officials and police and security forces, and is considered a minimum based on AP reporting. The actual number is likely higher, as many killings go unreported. The United Nations has said at least 100 Iraqis are now killed daily.
I just felt like someone needed to put that out there all prominent-like, as I haven't heard that statistic being shouted from the rooftops as it SHOULD BE.
ONE HUNDRED IRAQIS A DAY are being killed in this war. ONE HUNDRED A DAY. Does this not disturb anyone?
That is what they ALWAYS say
August 14, 2006
...right before they do what they deny planning to do in the first place:
National security advisor Stephen J. Hadley said in an e-mailed response: "The suggestion that the U.S. and Israel planned and coordinated an attack on Hezbollah — and did so as a prelude to an attack on Iran — is just flat wrong."Bush dismissed the report as "patently untrue," the White House response said.
I am keeping my eye on this thread.
Lebanese blogger(s)
July 15, 2006
UrShalim is blogging from Lebanon about the bombings. Certainly there are more out there.
I picked the wrong day to stop feeling depressed.
Ah. Fuck.
July 15, 2006
How Many More?
June 19, 2006
Over the last year, I've spoken at a lot of high schools that have about 2,000 to 2,500 students on campus. I ask them to close their eyes and visualize an empty school. Only then can they begin to relate to this devastating number.But for those of us who have lost a son or a daughter or a brother or a sister or a father or a mother in this war, the number one is more than enough.
One empty chair at the table.
One folded flag on the mantel.
One driverless car sitting in the driveway waiting for the finance company to come and pick it up.
One person never coming home.
One broken family that cannot be repaired.
How many more?
How many more of our nation's finest are we willing to kill to enhance the bottom line of the Halliburtons and the Exxon Mobils? How many more of our young wounded is it going to take before our country wakes up?
How many more Iraqi babies are we going to allow our leaders to murder before we realize that all babies are precious, loved, and mourned when they are killed?
They are such simple words, but so powerful. Every time I think about writing a post about how dumb war - ALL war - is, I stop myself, thinking it has all been said before. I am glad that Cindy Sheehan doesn't do the same thing. Evidently we need to keep saying it.
2500
1
It's all too much...too high a price to pay.
Where are all the leaders of faith
May 5, 2006
Helen Thomas remembers a bygone era when religious leaders were actually spiritually aligned against war. She specifically eulogizes Rev. William Sloane Coffin:
He recalled that Coffin had written in his latest book "Credo," a 2004 collection of his writings, that "the war against Iraq is as disastrous as it is unnecessary; perhaps in terms of its wisdom, purpose and motives, the worst war in American history. Our military men and women were not called to defend America, but rather to attack Iraq. They were not called to die for America, but rather to kill for their country. What more unpatriotic thing could we have asked of our sons and daughters?"Shetterly's perception of Coffin was that he was not self-righteous and that he had doubts about his own convictions at times. He also wrote that Coffin made mistakes but learned from them.
Shetterly said Coffin "spent his life trying to atone for having followed military orders in 1945, putting 3,000 white Russians who fought against the Stalin communist regime, on a train from Germany to Moscow "and sure execution."
Some of Coffin's quotes are memorable.
After Sept. 11, he said the U.S. government should have vowed "to see justice done, but by force of law only, not by the law of force." He also said that "the world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love."
"Too small for anything but love."
It makes me appreciate Dr. Loehr at the first UU church of Austin even more. Not that I have a lot of experience with sermons and pastors and whatnot, but before finding this church, I never thought it possible that I could sit in a church without being inundated with bigotry, hatred, and ridiculous amounts of nationalism. In fact, I never thought I could be compelled to sit in a church for any length of time without feeling compelled to flee.
This is why I have a crush on Zwichenzug.
May 4, 2006
Because, you'll just be reading The Bellman, enjoying the witty repartee, and interesting topics being addressed...and suddenly you are faced with an amazingly efficient little piece of logical thinking, like this
I'm reminded of the hand wringing that sometimes follows police shootings, where the complaint focuses on the number of bullets fired. My own view is that most police shootings are unjustified, but it still seems to me that emptying the magazine is a reasonable course of action once the shooting has begun. Partly this is just prudence. When a conflict has escalated that far, prudence dictates that the police should employ sufficient force to guarantee that the confict won't go any further. More importantly, it seems to me that the decision to fire a gun at someone should always be based on the assumption that the person you're shooting at is going to die. Anything less allows deadly force to be used without sufficient justification.
Thanks, Mr. Rowland.
Shortchanging Soldiers
May 2, 2006
The preamble to this article makes a connection I hadn't considered in all of this staff shuffling and reorganizing. I did not realize the dissolution of FEMA was to result in a pentagon-led disaster preparedness model. That alone gave me pause this morning, before I even got to the meat of this article, which once again lays out the horrifying extent to which we are NOT taking care of active and veteran soldiers.
The Veterans Administration, now run by a former Republican National Committeeman, has been subjected to the same radical hatcheting that the White House has tried to wield against the rest of America's safety net. Cutbacks, cooking the books, privatization schemes, even a proposal to close down the VA's operations have all been in evidence. The administration's inside-the-beltway supporters like the Heritage Foundation and famed anti-tax radical Grover Norquist like to equate VA care with welfare. Traditionally, however, most Americans have held that the VA's medical care and disability compensation was earned by those who served their country.Unfortunately, in our draft-free country, the fight to protect the Veteran's Administration and to fully fund it has gone on largely out of public sight. Other than the Washington Post and the Associated Press, relatively few journalistic organizations have bothered to regularly cover the VA. The fight over it that White House hatchetmen, VA political appointees, and their allies in Congress have had with Congressional critics (Democratic and Republican) along with veterans' organizations has been monitored closely only by veterans' websites like Larry Scott's VAWatchdog.org, veteransforcommonsense.org and military.com.
Go read the whole thing. Even if you have heard it all before, it bears repeating and repeating and rehashing and repeating until we finally get it through our heads that a) War is not psychologically healthy for our nation and b) War is not fiscally healthy for our nation. Point a being, of course, being the most important.
Back To Reality
March 16, 2006
It only took one news article to bring me back to reality. All week, I have been hobnobbing with the nerds and all of their optimistic outlooks on social networks and how blogging will overcome all obstacles. And how people are good. Oh, how many times did I hear that expressed? It seems like the blog world, in general, believes in the inherent goodness of all beings. And then - bam - there's george motherfucking bush mucking up the works again as usual.
I could tie all of this together in one post about what I believe to be true and what my experiences are. The thing is, I'm having so many thoughts about life and love and the future of our society and community - and they are all floating around in my brain and heart and are seemingly disconnected and range from the extremely microcosmic sphere of one specific relationship I am having difficulty with on up to the world at large and all of our multitudinous, multifarious relationships with one another. And not just the way people relate to each other within current widely-acceptable paradigms, but also some potential ways that we might be able to relate to each other. Ways that people shun because they aren't "appropriate" or "acceptable" within the standard context of human relationships. And how, even though I have ideas of a more ideal way of relating with people, the current paradigm is so ingrained in me that I'm not sure I can break through fully. And maybe we really ARE too fucked up by the current state of things to ever break through fully.
But it's all too jumbled up still for me to effectively write about it. I need to work through it. I'm going to spend some time today reading my parenting books, scribbling notes, thinking, feeling, experiencing...and I'll come back to this later.
I do want to say something that I know to be true - on that microcosmic level of an individual relationship that is challenging me right now. I am compelled to love people fully, thoroughly, absolutely. I don't want to have that compulsion brought into question. It hurts to have to defend or explain that love. It hurts to have that love misinterpreted or questioned. I know the precise place this person occupies in my heart and soul, and if he chooses not to be there fully with me, I can live with that...but what I can't live with is feeling silenced by his misunderstanding of something that I feel is so easy to understand and so totally safe to accept. And this conflict - this making complicated of something that is so fucking simple, easy, and true, really speaks to all of the complicatedness and obfuscation and doubt and damage that exists in the world at large.
Wars are caused, on a totally microcosmic level, by people who refuse to believe that they are lovable, and that there does exist within us and around us, an unselfish love that only requires acceptance, presence, and participation. We (including me, myself!) need to stop fucking worrying about whether or not we are worthy of love and whether or not others are worthy of our love...and just learn to give and accept love feely without threat or feeling threatened.
I support you, Joseph DuRocher
March 9, 2006
A Veteran’s Letter to the President: “I Return Enclosed the Symbols of My Years of Serviceâ€
As a citizen, a patriot, a parent and grandparent, a lawyer and law teacher I am left with such a feeling of loss and helplessness. I think of myself as a good American and I ask myself what can I do when I see the face of evil? Illegal and immoral war, torture and confinement for life without trial have never been part of our Constitutional tradition. But my vote has become meaningless because I live in a safe district drawn by your political party. My congressman is unresponsive to my concerns because his time is filled with lobbyists’ largess. Protests are limited to your “free speech zonesâ€, out of sight of the parade. Even speaking openly is to risk being labeled un-American, pro-terrorist or anti-troops. And I am a disciplined pacifist, so any violent act is out of the question.
PTSD, the war, and idiocy.
March 2, 2006
Amanda has it pegged in her response to this absolutely heartless assessment of the nature of PTSD and returning vs. veteran soldiers.
This is what is called “supporting the troops†on the right–send them to brutal, disturbing war zones where trauma is inevitable and then call them “pussies†when they actually react like human fucking beings to this trauma.
Some of the comments to Amanda's post are fucking heart-wrending, as are almost all accounts I hear of how PTSD affects the trauma survivor as well as the lives of everyone who surrounds him or her. That's the thing, too: PTSD is, to some extent, contagious. Meaning, if I am in close contact with someone who has severe enough PTSD, eventually, *I* will be traumatized by it.
Someone in comments to Amanda's post said "We need more empathy in the world." And it's true. It's a total neverending loop, though. The damage feeds on itself and, at the rate we are going, and with people like Charlotte whatshername walking around spewing bullshit, it will never end.
Thoughts on the weekend...history, social issues, and my mental/emotional state.
February 19, 2006
I spent the weekend at the Historians Against the War convention at UT, which was kicked of ceremoniously with a brilliant keynote one-two of Andrea Smith and Howard Zinn. I thought both of them gave compelling presentations, and I jotted down copious notes in spite of having to deal with really cramped quarters. At some point, I will share my notes from that keynote and from the rest of the event, but I think I really just want to write about my experience of the event in general.
First of all, DAMN, people are impatient. Including myself. The first person who approached the mic for Q&A rambled on a bit about the lovely performance activism she is doing, and within a minute, the audience was telling her to get to the point, in a not very nice way. I felt myself feeling the same way - and it happened multiple times throughout the weekend. By the 3rd or 4th time I really began to grow uncomfortable with the whole method of mob silencing that was happening & I was pleased when some with louder voices would counteract the "Shut up and ask a question" crowd. I wondered, too, why I wasn't the person counteracting, considering I was one person feeling uncomfortable with it. So, one lesson learned at the history conference was that I need to find my voice and use it.
The panels and the speakers throughout the event were informative, intelligent, and remarkable. I did kind of wish there was a way to include dissenting voices among the crowd to get a richer discussion, but in my heart of hearts I knew a) that wasn't really the point of the conference and b) it is rare for that kind of dialog to take place in a non-threatening way - particularly when there are elements of the crowd who find it necessary to silence even the voices of agreement.
At lunchtime, I situated myself in the far corner of the room to avoid all human contact. I guess I'm in that kind of mood lately. I dunno. I sat eating and pretending to write in my journal, but really I was observing everyone. Mr. Zinn was sitting two tables away, facing me...so I laughed to myself about the fact that I was practically eating lunch with one of the greatest historians of our time. I thought about maybe going back to school to study history. And then two nice boys joined me and we talked briefly about last night's speech and education and whatnot. It was a nice, pleasant conversation & allowed me to feel good about the fact that I didn't avoid human contact altogether, in spite of my best efforts to the contrary. Ha!
I was exhausted when I arrived home Saturday night, but I went out to dinner with J anyway. We went to Swad and it was pleasant, but there was dis/ease. I get the feeling it is painful for him to hang out with me, and that painfulness is maybe exacerbated by the fact that it's NOT painful for me. Or maybe he's just in pain in general. I don't know/can't claim that it has anything to do with me at all, but the dosa and chole bhatura and sev potato puri was fabulous, and it was nice to see J as he has been ill for a bit. He even helped me to fix a computer problem I have been having. I couldn't find the R. Kelly videos I told him I was going to make him watch with me, which was kind of a bummer, and he left early in the evening...which was probably good because I was so tired & sort of overwhelmed with being around people.
I was invited to a party, which had been making me nervous all week. The person who invited me is someone who I really enjoy hanging around, and actually would love to go to a party with at some point, because he always makes me feel at ease...but I just have not been feeling the whole "large crowd" thing lately & I was balking. So there was this dynamic of me feeling torn that I wasn't going to get to see my friend, but fairly certain that I would have a crappy time going to a party that was making me feel extra-super wishy washy about giving a definitive answer. I did SAY no to the party several times, but I'm fortunate that my friend is pretty sensitive about how I'm feeling, so even though he heard no, I think he sensed my feelings of hesitation and kept asking (because normally he accepts my boundaries pretty readily, actually, which is why he's so very very dear to me) - but the thing is that in addition to the original party, he was now going to be attending a fucking FRAT party, and all of the reasons for me not wanting to go were suddenly increased 5 million fold & not only that...suddenly the very idea was making me feel upset and agitated. I told my friend I was just going to go to bed, but when I laid down to sleep, I started feeling really upset about the whole party/meat market atmosphere.
I dunno...it started to really get to me that what I look like - and what others look like to me - dictates to such a great extent whether or not we ever really get to know them on a deeper level, whether we are even talking about a relationship level or not. Plus, it made me feel all shaky and weepy to think that going to a party is an exercise in dressing myself up to be judged and evaluated and deemed worthy/unworthy by random strangers in a room. blah! I'm not quite sure what actually precipitated all of this. I can't really say it has anything to do with hanging around in a room full of history nerds all day. And it's not even that I don't feel like I "measure up" or whatever...it's just the very act of feeling like other people are measuring me...in mass quantities...that started to ook me out a bit. Maybe, too, you know...I'm 36 years old! I guess to a certain extent I feel like my friend is inviting his mom out to a party with him, which seems kind of silly.
At any rate, I was able to express these feeling abruptly to my friend and get them out enough to where I was able to actually fall asleep, but it's still bothering me today that I felt so weird about it. Part of me feels totally justified in feeling that way, and part of me is like "Whatever, lady - it's just another background for whatever you experience...why get all bent out of shape." And I wonder if I would have refused to go last month or if I will refuse to go next month or the month after that. I spent much of the day today trying to figure out when I have last been to a party - like a house party of someone I don't know - and I just can't remember. And then I started trying to remember when I have ever actually met anyone worth knowing at a party, and I can't remember that, either...so I don't feel so bad. But, then, I do recall having been to some parties with friends and just enjoying the experience...so maybe that's the key. But, I guess going to a party with a male friend who is scouting for a relationship is probably what was making me feel like it wouldn't be such a good idea.
I dunno. I've already spent way more energy on this than it probably deserves, but I'm just sort of interested in why being asked to a party evoked such a strong, reactive emotional response in me. So I'll probably think about it more, but if anyone out there has any thoughts about that, I'd love to hear them.
Today I woke up late, but managed to only miss the one speaker in the whole event who made me feel impatient and irritated. There were only about 5 people on the 3-hour panel this morning, so there was lots of time for discussion in the end, and I really enjoyed hearing from all of the regular people in the room. One woman mentioned that the closest she has ever been to going to university was attending university conferences & I wanted to stand up and applaud her as she mentioned that it might be good for the panelists to consider that there are lots of people who don't have degress who could benefit from what they are saying. Then the ever-present Carl Webb made the important point that we need to bring this stuff off-campus and share information and solidarity with those who don't ever set foot on campus. I requested more resources for younger children, which is something I'm probably going to write about later, as so much of the historical research and documentation is geared towards high school and up - and even in our very good library, there are still tons and tons of books that teach the kind of history that I have to go back later and say "Oh, by the way, everything in this book is either wrong or told from a perspective that invalidates what really happened."
And now I am home. And it is fucking cold out there. And I have a million bajillion things to do, but I just want to curl up in a little ball under all of my covers and think through all of the events of the week - both educational and emotional - and breathe, and listen to music, and think, and allow myself to feel all of it, and work through all of it, and come out on the other side with some ideas about how to deal with it all.
But first I need to make myself a fucking sandwich, because I am HUNGRY!!!!!!!!
Where you will find me tonight.
January 31, 2006
With my notebook and my camera. Also, my yo-yo.
First here:
January 31, 2006Annual State of the Union Bridge Action
5:00-6:30 on the sidewalks of the Congress Ave bridge. People are encouraged to bring signs and be vocal. We may also have a fund raiser immediately following featuring Guy Forsythe.
Then here:
Austin: Austin City Hall (downtown, where S. 1st St. Bridge meets Cesar Chavez) 7:00 pm, Rally with speakers: Laurie Felker, NARAL Pro-Choice Texas (formerly TARAL) Davis Ferris, Adjunct Professor of Government, more TBA8:00 pm Drown Out Event - (Real time-State of the Union Address)
Join me.
My computer, on the other hand, is another story
December 19, 2005
So, I'm listening to the press conference this morning, and I'm attempting to buffer my outrage by reading some of the harsh criticisms of last night's speech listed at the huffington post.
God, someone needs to spank the president. He's sounding more insolent and bratty than he has in a very long time.
Oh. my. fucking. god.
Hahaha! "A vision of New Orleans rising up." I think plenty of my friends have visions of New Orleans rising up. I have visions of rising up all of the time.
Echidne saves my television
December 19, 2005
Thanks to people like Echidne I did not have to listen to the president's speech last night & my television is not smashed to pieces and strewn all over the floor. You can choose to read the long version above, or skip right to the Cliff's Notes Version.
To avoid the president, I took the children out for a nice long walk around the neighborhood and looked at all of our neighbors' lovely and occasionally audacious holiday light displays. It was much more pleasant.
Thanks, Echidne!
Antiwar Sermon Brings IRS Warning
November 7, 2005
This is scary for a couple of reasons:
In his sermon, Regas, who from the pulpit opposed both the Vietnam War and 1991's Gulf War, imagined Jesus participating in a political debate with then-candidates George W. Bush and John Kerry. Regas said that "good people of profound faith" could vote for either man, and did not tell parishioners whom to support.But he criticized the war in Iraq, saying that Jesus would have told Bush, "Mr. President, your doctrine of preemptive war is a failed doctrine. Forcibly changing the regime of an enemy that posed no imminent threat has led to disaster."
On June 9, the church received a letter from the IRS stating that "a reasonable belief exists that you may not be tax-exempt as a church — " The federal tax code prohibits tax-exempt organizations, including churches, from intervening in political campaigns and elections.
The letter went on to say that "our concerns are based on a Nov. 1, 2004, newspaper article in the Los Angeles Times and a sermon presented at the All Saints Church discussed in the article."
The IRS cited The Times story's description of the sermon as a "searing indictment of the Bush administration's policies in Iraq" and noted that the sermon described "tax cuts as inimical to the values of Jesus."
First, wasn't the Catholic Church all over John Kerry prior to the election?
Second, it casts a pall on the "Best of Austin" Critics Award for Dr. Davidson Loehr:
Minister/Spiritual Leader Dr. Davidson Loehr The minister of First Unitarian Universalist Church might possibly be the Austin faith community’s best-kept secret. Having already authored the thought-provoking and profound Jesus Series, Dr. Loehr delivered an incendiary sermon titled "Living Under Fascism," after the botched 2004 presidential election, and inspired standing ovations in the sanctuary. A Vietnam veteran and former photographer, Loehr strips religion of its rhetoric and offers a clear-eyed look at the issues that divide us today, reminding us that it is possible to have faith and use your brain at the same time.First Unitarian Universalist Church, 4700 Grover, 452-6168
Third, wait...isn't war supposed to be preached against by churches?
I don't get it.
Fuck.
Also, the IRS needs to investigate, you know, GOD...for telling the KKK to tell people how to vote in the upcoming election. God's non-profit status is in serious jeopardy!
[LA Times Link via Prometheus 6]
Arjet's still on
October 18, 2005
While I'm talking about kittens and Pansies, Mr. Arjet examines chickenhawks and POWs:
So, there's McCain, and he could have taken the "Listen you prissy Liberals, I was in the fucking Hanoi Hilton so don't come whining to me about some ragheads in "stress positions" line, but he didn't. No, he took the "Listen you pathetic Chickenhawks, I was in the fucking Hanoi Hilton so don't even fucking start telling me that you know the first goddamn thing about torture because the closest thing to torture that any of you have ever endured was when you thought you might actually be expected to serve in the National Guard instead of simply listing it on your paperwork" line.[Well, OK, he didn't exactly say that or anything, but he could have. And if the Neo-con chickenhawks had a shred of humilty, they'd hear that. But then, we know they don't. ]
A Peaceful Day
October 18, 2005
The soldiers and the Marine were all killed by IEDs. There exists such a thing as an IED jammer. For $47,000/vehicle, our children can be saved from most of the IED attacks. The Pentagon has decided that $47,000 is too much to spend to keep our children alive!!! Halliburton steals that much from the Pentagon before the CEO's first cup of morning coffee. For the two vehicles that were destroyed and the 6 of our children killed, it comes to a little over $15,000 per person. Not to be crass, but the government will be handing each family a check for $100, 000.00 soon (the deaths are still "pending") and $400,000.00 in insurance death benefits. I know each family would mortgage their homes, or sell their souls, if they knew it would have cost $15,000.00 to keep their precious family member alive.
Not Right and Left: Right And Wrong
October 6, 2005
War-Hawk Republicans and Anti-War Democrats: What's the Difference?
Finally, I was harrassed at the Capitol Building by a thug security guard who screamed at me to get out of the building until my next appointment. I complained to another security guard about the disrespectful treatment that I had received from the other guard and he said that most of the employees were "Republicans" and they didn't appreciate what I was doing. I have news for them: this is not about politics, to me, this is about flesh and blood. This is not about right and left, this is about right and wrong. 19 troops were needlessly killed in Iraq this past week. 19 families were destroyed senselessly and avoidably. Hundreds of innocent Iraqis were killed for just being home that day, just being out shopping, or just going about their daily lives. An average of almost three of our young men and women are killed everyday in George's abomination. While the War Hawk Repbublicans are wrongfully supporting a wrongheaded war and the "anti-war" Dems are hemming and hawing about the politics of this administration's misguided and evil policies, how many more families will get the news that their lives have been destroyed in the tragic meantime?
Right. Fucking. On.
September 6, 2005
Tampabay: Veterans group denied access to schools
TAMPA - William Hines wants the same access to high school students as military recruiters.The 74-year-old Korean War veteran wants to sit with the teens and tell them the other side of Uncle Sam's story, the one he says crisp-uniformed recruiters don't usually talk about.
"The No. 1 goal in the military is combat. You can be killed," says Hines, a former Air Force recruiter and New Jersey school board member who lives in Tampa's Town 'N Country neighborhood. "Instead, kids hear, "You could go to Hawaii or you could get a free college education.' "
So far, Hines has been unable to share his message.
Why the fuck not?
The logic of War
September 1, 2005
From the mind of 4-year old Coley:
"Mama, one day when I grow up, I'm going to make a battering ram and KILL Monk."
"Well, then you'll go to jail and no one wins."
"OK, well...then I'm going to make an army, and Monk will be mad and he will make a whole army, and then...we'll make a WAR."
Bring Them Home bus tour eyewitness report.
September 1, 2005
Why I love blogs. Abram reports in a way the local news just won't.
And, truly, do the pro-war folks not realize that their "god bless our military" signs don't really work when the main speakers of the protest are those who have either served or who have or have lost family members who are serving/have served? Signs like that just seem either ironic or ignorant of what they are trying to protest.
UNBEFUCKINGLIEVABLE.
August 31, 2005
(OK, I've reverted to shouting unintelligibly at my computer monitor. It really is time for me to "move it out, buddy."
Cindy Sheehan to speak in Austin
August 28, 2005
Cindy Sheehan speaking in Austin! Cindy and other Gold Star family members and supporters have been holding a vigil outside President Bush's ranch for 3 weeks waitng to ask him "for what nobel cause did their children die in Iraq?" 5:30pm Wednesday 8/31/05 Austin City Hall Plaza 301 W. 2nd St. Austin, Texas 78701 (park at the City Hall garage enter off Lavaca) Arriving from Crawford Cindy will be kicking off a bus tour across America culminating in her arrival at the National March for Peace taking place in Washington D.C. on 9/24/05 Lets give Cindy a warm Austin welcome PLEASE help by forwarding this announcement to at least 20 of your friends and your lists
Oh, I SO want to be there, but I have to work & I don't think there is any way I can get out of it. If I "call in sick" they will all totally know, and it will inconvenience several people.
So, please go on my behalf. Please?
Do Your Part
August 26, 2005
Those who read my stuff at Bark/Bite know that I'm not much of an activist cheerleader--more of a stand-on-the-sidelines-and-bitch-about-the-opposition-leader. Yes, I have at times used my not so bully pulpit to advocate specific actions, but generally I'm content to just use this space to sharpen the prodigious opinion-shaping might of my writing skills.
However.
As I boldly asserted recently, I think we're at a turning point. Or at least a potential turning point.
Or, still more accurately, a potential tipping point. With major public opinion shifts like the withdrawal of support for a petro-imperialist war, we don't get a slow, steady shift of mass political consciousness. What we get is a maddeningly slow, steady erosion, followed by something that galvanizes the opposition, and then a landslide.
We saw that in 1968 with the Tet offensive. The North Vietnamese and the Viet Cong lost tens of thousands of soldiers killed, and inflicted only a few thousand of casualties on the South Vietnamese and US armies. Yet, it became known as the Tipping Point of US support for the war, largely because Lyndon Johnson's administration had been consistently lying to the American public about how well the war was going. In the rosy picture that they had been painting, the Communist forces weren't remotely capable of mounting an offensive of that size, or winning the victories that they did. The victories were all overturned relatively quickly, but the US public had been stunned by the ability of a supposedly down-and-out opponent to overrun entire cities.
Sound familiar? Well, this time, the Tipping Point doesn't have to come in the form of a massive offensive by a supposedly defeated enemy. After Tet, the slow erosion turned into a landslide--after Johnson "lost Walter Cronkite" in the month after Tet, the rest of the public seemed to follow quickly. Today, we may well be looking at our own tipping point.
Bush never "had" Cindy Sheehan, but he did have millions of Americans who are having their ideological and symbolic worlds rocked by the sight of one Gold Star Family member after another standing up and saying "This War is Wrong." You can almost hear the gears whirring: "Criticizing the war is...bad. Mothers of Dead Soldiers...are good. But criticizing the war is...un-American! But Mothers of Dead Soldiers are the ultimate Americans...Does. Not. Compute." And all of a sudden, a new political reality dawns: you can be for the troops, for America, and still think the war was a horrible mistake with no good end in sight. You can love apple pie and baseball and still think that Bush sent this country's children over there to die for at best, a colossal misjudgment, and at worst--lies, greed and oil.
I promised to write about my visit to Camp Casey on Sunday, and I still haven't been able to sit down and process it, but here's one image that I will probably be describing to my grandkids one day: a tall, powerfully built soldier wearing camo pants and a red and gold "USMC" shirt stood with a bugle, standing in front of a small field of white crosses. While the hippies, the freaks, the anarchists--and significantly, the mothers and fathers of fallen American soldiers and the soccer moms and the just plain folk stood in a circle, he played "Taps" for over 1800 men and women who will never come home.
Now, unless you are among the most reality-proof ideologues of the pro-War faction, you have to admit that the scene described above does not exactly smack of anti-Americanism, troop-hatred, or treason. Even if you completely support both the war and the president, it's getting harder not to admit the possibility that people who oppose the war may actually be decent, hard-working Americans who just happen to have a different political opinion. I think once that possibility spreads, it's going to have a catastrophic effect on support for the war.
So--back (finally) to the activist cheerleading. I am going to ask all of you within the sound of my (virtual) voice to commit, right now, to do at least one concrete thing to help push us past the tipping point--it'll all be downhill from there. But we've got to get over the hump, so please, please, please pick one of the following and do it:
- Drive out to Crawford in the next three days. Just stand and be counted. It's not that far, and it's not really that hot.
- Make a donation to the Crawford Peace House--they're the ones paying for the giant tent and the sound system and the food service for 500. And goddamn, that was the best potato salad I have ever tasted in my entire life. No kidding.
- Make a donation to True Majority and/or Gold Star Families for Peace, so that they can keep people following Bush around the US like a human ball and chain. This is sooo gratifying to me personally, since it's the realization of what I came up with on my own and thought was an impossible pipe dream.
- Figure out something on your own: display a sign, call a friend, write a letter to the editor, call up a radio station.
Jesus Christ forgive me for veering close to idealistic twaddle, but dang it, we really can make a difference here, if all umpty-seven million of us who think--and have thought from the beginning--that this war was a tragic blunder simply speak up. The old saying is that "All that is required for the triumph of evil is that good [wo]men do nothing." Well, sometimes the opposite is true. I swear to you, this time all that is required for the triumph of good is that good people do something.
So go do it, for Chrissake!
Keeping it Going
August 24, 2005
Robert from Bark/Bite here, guest blogging for the inestimable Dru. She asked that I help keep the blog going in her absence. So far, I'm failing impressively, but today I'm at the keyboard in her stead, having been motivated by a most validating discovery.
A while ago, after reading about Cindy Sheehan, I wrote a post (which Dru was kind enough to link to) about my vision of Camp Casey following Bush across the country:
And suddenly I had this image of a crowd of grieving mothers, fathers, children, trailing behind Bush everywhere he went. He would have to drag them around the country behind him like a human ball and chain. Like Jacob Marley, with his tangle of chains and cashboxes and ledgers. Far from escaping his sins, he'd be condemned to drag them along behind him.
Well guess what, boys and girls? It's happening. It is happening as we goddamn speak! I am sooo juiced by this. Not because it totally validates my artsy-fartsy Dickensian vision of Bush trailing the debris of ruined lives around behind him for eternity, but because I think it's quite possibly the most articulate form of anti-war protest we have ever seen in this country.
Why do I think this? Well, besides the fact that it's captured the national--and international (for what that's worth)--attention, it does exactly what any non-violent protest should seek to do. It puts the Powers That Be in a no-win situation.
Non-violent protest seeks to politically and morally out-manuever the Powers That Be by putting them in a position where they must either agree to your demands or accept the moral and political fallout of your protest. Fifty people singing "We Shall Overcome" with all the energy of a funeral dirge creates no political or moral fallout for the Powers. An encampment supporting the mother of a fallen hero who demands to speak with the Commander-in-Chief who sent him to his death on false pretenses has moral and political fallout.
Multiple mothers (and other relatives) of fallen heroes gathering at that encampment, supported by military veterans including veterans of the current fiasco has a lot of moral and political fallout. But multiple camps springing up wherever Bush goes--now that's got some potential.
President Bush plans visits around the country during his five-week vacation, hoping for friendly media coverage away from Washington. But a member of Gold Star Families for Peace can dog him wherever he goes, demanding he meet with them to explain why their family members are dead.
And it's not just the Gold Star Familes that are being flown around the country like rock stars that Bush has to worry about. No, thanks to him, there are Gold Star Families all across the goddamn country, and in any given location, some of them will oppose the war--or at least demand accountability from the man who led their children to their deaths for greed and lies. He went to Salt Lake city, in the most Republican state in the country, to find a friendly audience. What he got was over 1000 protesters led by a Gold Star Mom. He went to small town Idaho to avoid the urban Liberals, and got protesters with 1800 white crosses, including a Gold Star Mom with an 8 month-old son who will never know his Daddy.
Like the Madres de Plaza de Mayo, who "By showcasing their grief in public...turned their motherhood and their bodies into political tools to hold the government accountable for its actions," Cindy, the other Gold Star Families, and the veterans and supporters who stand with them are forcing Bush (really Rove, who calls the political shots) to either give in to their demands or allow the public disapproval to build and build.
I don't think that it's of the same magnitude, but this protest is definitely on the same scale as the television images of African-American children being knocked down by firehoses in Alabama. It's a image that's changing minds, that's making a physical and visual spectacle of the--well, "violence inherent in the system." Seriously--that's a good way of putting it, and there's at least one prominent scholar who argues that's what Christ did--expose the violence inherent in the system by demonstrating his beliefs and convictions publicly.
Well, I promised Dru I'd keep the post under 1500 words, so I'll stop here. But I'm convinced that this could be the beginning of the end.
OK. This made me cry.
August 20, 2005
One of my Soldiers in Iraq was Roger Turner. We gave him a hard time because he always wore all of his protective equipment, including three pairs of glasses or goggles. He did this because he wanted to make sure that he returned home to his family. He rode a bicycle to work every day to make sure that he was able to save enough money on his Army salary to send his son to college. At Camp Anaconda, where the squadron briefly stayed, a rocket landed inside a tent, sending a piece of debris or fragment into him and killed him. On Monday night, August 16, you ran down the memorial cross erected for him by Arlington West.
Thank you, Perry Jefferies.
[link provided by robbroccoli on flickr.]
This is how they justify it.
August 20, 2005
The more I look at this image, the more it disgusts me. I'm not sure what the person who decided to compose this sculpture was thinking*, but it is absolutely, horrifyingly dehumanizing. It totally distills for me that patriarchy is as fucking harmful to men as to women, because here, the view of a man (because soldiers are nearly always men in the eyes of the patriarchy) is a gun and boots...and a hat. There is no need to mourn the death of soldier, because soldiers are merely implements of death.
It's so fucked up, and it's why people can stand across the street from a war memorial waving signs that state so glibly "Freedom isn't Free" while the family members of soldiers who have paid the ultimate price for their freedom mourn, collectively, with those of us who wish not to ask anyone else to make that sacrifice for us.
And not to belittle non-mamas out there, but this is where my mama spirit comes out and I feel absolutely fiercely protective of the psyches of my boys. My boys are not guns with boots and helmets. My boys are NOT implements of death. And my boys are NOT faceless, nameless, "honorable" "heroes" that exist to pay the price for ANYONE'S freedom.
Freedom IS free. But the road to freedom has been invaded by pernicious robber-barons who want us to pay a price for what is inherently ours...all of ours...to enjoy.
*I've been informed that this is actually a ritualistic way to "honor the dead." I'm not sure if the person who informed me of this was trying to justify it or not, but I don't see how the fact that it's a tradition minimizes or negates the fact that it's totally dehumanizing.
Mama Bear.
August 20, 2005
t r u t h o u t - Cindy Sheehan | Hypocrites and Liars
One thing I haven't noticed or become aware of though is an increased number of pro-war, pro-Bush people on the other side of the fence enlisting to go and fight George Bush's war for imperialism and insatiable greed. The pro-peace side has gotten off their apathetic butts to be warriors for peace and justice. Where are the pro-war people? Everyday at Camp Casey we have a couple of anti-peace people on the other side of the road holding up signs that remind me that "Freedom isn't Free" but I don't see them putting their money where their mouths are. I don't think they are willing to pay even a small down payment for freedom by sacrificing their own blood or the flesh of their children. I still challenge them to go to Iraq and let another soldier come home. Perhaps a soldier that is on his/her third tour of duty, or one that has been stop-lossed after serving his/her country nobly and selflessly, only to be held hostage in Iraq by power mad hypocrites who have a long history of avoiding putting their own skin in the game.[...]
Camp Casey has grown and prospered and survived all attacks and challenges because America is sick and tired of liars and hypocrites and we want the answers to the tough questions that I was the first to dare ask. THIS is George Bush's accountability moment and he is failing ... miserably. George Bush and his advisers seriously "misunderestimated" me when they thought they could intimidate me into leaving before I had the answers, or before the end of August. I can take anything they throw at me, or Camp Casey. If it shortens the war by a minute or saves one life, it is worth it. I think they seriously "misunderestimated" all mothers. I wonder if any of them had authentic mother-child relationships and if they are surprised that there are so many mothers in this country who are bear-like when it comes to wanting the truth and who want to make meaning of their child's needless and seemingly meaningless deaths?
I think it was when the (irony) brigade of bikers passed by our shuttle on the way back from Camp Casey today that it really hit me: They are afraid of women*.
And not just that, but they are afraid of a field full of middle-aged women who are mostly dressed in pink, wearing floppy hats (description courtesy of Amanda) and carrying flowers.
I can tell they are afraid, on account of they sent the rebel right-wing biker boys (in leather). The counter-rally across from the peace house was populated by about 20 people. The two organizers sat regally atop horses while men bleated into the microphone, calling Ms. Sheehan a prostitute, and attempting to impugn her character based on the fact that her husband "is divorcing her."
I had promised Amanda (and myself) that I wouldn't respond to the counter-protesters, but that was just too fucking much. "My husband divorced me, too" I mumbled. A man dressed up like a civil war soldier (?) whispered out of the side of his mouth "It happens sometimes. It's a total non-sequitor. Would you like some water?" and while I thought that was "mighty kind" of him (as they say around these parts), drinking winger water would have been a bit too much like drinking kool-aid.
And, besides, there was better sustenance at Peace House.
The woman who was driving the shuttle when the biker brigade passed us by was just an ordinary woman..."not an activist" she told us. She was just inspired by what Ms. Sheehan was doing down in Crawford and booked herself a flight down from Portland, OR to see what she could do to help. She kept talking sympathetically about the difficulty the locals were having in coming to grips with the "invasion" of their town by all of these people. I kept thinking about how irony-impaired do the folks of Crawford have to be to get shotgun-waving pissed about a handful of protestors peacefully gathering on the outskirts of the president's compound, and not understand why there's an insurgency in Iraq and why it might not have much at all to do with terrorism.
The guy who drove the shuttle TO the campsite described himself as apolitical before the 2004 elections, when he realized that it was so obvious that GW was lying about the war that he realized he couldn't remain silent about it any longer.
Story after story. Town after town. OR, NM, PA, MA...represented. When I tried to delicately point out the phenomenon of the age and gender of the main organizers and volunteers running the show at Camp Casey, our middle-aged female driver disallowed my euphamism. She said, bluntly, if I may paraphrase: "Yes, we're mainly a bunch of middle-aged women out here, and that's not what the media is portraying." And then she proceeded to show us a good swimming hole close to Peace House, in case we needed to cool off. I couldn't help but think that, well, she was mothering us a bit.
Folks, what's happening out in Crawford is revolutionary. Make no mistakes about it. Regardless of how it is portrayed or how it may be co-opted, what we are seeing is the power of women. & if a big, bad, right-wing biker boy wants to challenge my authority, I just might take a big ole rolling pin to his head...or start talking about my period. And like garlic to vampires, he would probably just turn his big, mean old, loud, stinky small penis compensator motorcycle around and go back to wherever the hell he came from.
(pictures added to the meet with cindy set...does anyone want to donate money so I can upgrade to flickr pro?)
*I'm also convinced that all wingnut men are just godawful in bed, but that's another post altogether.
Oh My God I Love the Rude Pundit.
August 19, 2005
All over the right, the attempts to destroy Sheehan are getting increasingly desperate and repellent, from dragging out her divorce documents and the liens against her property to saying that she "endangers" the troops (damn, you'd think lack of body armor would be doin' that, but then, fuck you - if you speak of it, our troops'll die). But that image, of the mother, outside, in that no-wonder-everyone's-goin'-insane heat of Central Texas, is far more powerful. When you hear her voice, it ain't the crazy rantings of the so-called loony left. It's the calm, reasonable tone of the righteous. And that's what's so fuckin' threatening to the bullies.Goddamn, it feels good to pound that weakling into the dirt until you hear the weakling's sobs and cries of mercy. But what happens if the weakling gets up, brushes off, and dares you to take another shot? That's the way the bullies crumble.
thankyouthankyouthankyou.
Standing in for Cindy
August 19, 2005
In case you haven't heard, Ms. Sheehan had to leave Camp Casey to be with her ailing mother. Believe it or not, I've already read a post from some asshole who claims that "Cindy Sheehan killed her mother." Ah. It never ends.
At any rate, Cindy has a state senator standing up for her in her absence:
Lourey, DFL-Kerrick, had hoped to meet Sheehan and offer her support. Instead she will serve as Sheehan's surrogate at the growing Iraq war protest outside President Bush's ranch.Lourey's son Matthew Lourey, an Army helicopter pilot, also was killed in Iraq in May. Matt Lo