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« Happy Birthday Monk | Main | My Ten is always Random. »
"This is the best birthday ever, mom."
December 2, 2005
That's exactly what you want to hear...especially on a birthday that finds you sniffling, sneezing, and congested...and downright all-day-wanting-to-crawl-back-into-bed-and-snuggle-under-covers sleepy because of Austin's zany cold weather/warm weather swings.
And that's exactly what Monk said when we were seated at Dave & Buster's, finally finding the opportunity to use the gift card my sister sent I don't even know how long ago.
So, we ate...and we played games...and then we came home & J met us up for dinner at Kim Phung, and then came with me down to L's house to drop the kids off & we had a nice coffee chat.
There's a great deal of significance to the ease with which I find myself back in touch with J. We haven't been in touch a lot since the break up, but he is so sweet, and so kind & generous. He called me the other day to ask about Monk's birthday, and is going to loan me his gaming system & help set it up so Monk's friends can play video games galore at his birthday party. And it was nice to talk to him. Comfortable. It's good. It's good to know that relationships can end, and I can still appreciate the wonderful things about my ex-partner. It feels good to have absolutely no bad feelings whatsoever about someone. I feel very at peace with that. I wish him the best, and I hope to be present in his life to cheer him on towards whatever that best might look like.
Monk, of course, had an excellent time. Coley complained of a stomachache all day, but he survived like a trooper.
I came home to Pansy, who is now apparently my wife. We've decided we're just going to be each others' wife to confuse people. We went for a walk & the dogs played & I came home to my little room in my cozy house which is still brimming with life even though my children are away.
In talking with J, I realized so many things I feel good about, in terms of my own development. Not just the external elements in my life, which all seem to be aligned for maximum awesomeness, but also the internal shit. I've grown. I'm learning things AND applying them. I feel genuinely good about who I am and what I bring to the people in my life AND the way I bring it. I've mended several relationships over the past year that were in serious need of mending, and I've discovered a peace that comes from a relatively conflict-free existence. Even L doesn't really get to me...even when he is really trying. Even in the midst of turmoil with him, I still remember who he has been in my life with a certain amount of fondness. He will never be that person again, and I'm OK with that, but I do remember.
On the car ride on the way to drop the kids off, Monk said that he feels like the people of New Orleans aren't getting the help they need to rebuild because George Bush is wasting all of our money on the war in Iraq. I had a nice conversation with him about people forming communities and taking care of each other rather than relying on the government. I was finally able to articulate how I felt about the work I saw being done there, and how it made me feel. And I told Monk that, on a certain level, our housing arrangement with Clay and Pansy is much the same. They need help and we need help, so we are all living together in the spirit of common cause. Because that's what people do, and we are privileged to have the ability to help each other in that way. The government OUGHT TO be there to help those in need...but in situations where they aren't, whether it's fair or not, regular people need to pick up the slack however they can. THAT is what anarchism is all about.
So, I'd say it was a successful day. Monk got shmoozed a whole hell of a lot. I got to do some good reflection and articulation. And, of course, much of the day was spend in such wonderful company. I forget sometimes that Monk's birthday is a birthday for me, as well. It's a day that I endured a great deal of pain and anguish to bring this small person to this planet. Today, as I looked at Monk across the table, I felt a great deal of pride and love for my little guy. I just love the person he is becoming. I am so fortunate to witness his unfoldment, and I'm eagerly anticipating seeing what kind of man he becomes.
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Comments
I've alwasy felt genuinely good about who you are but reading this it occurs to me that you have been through so much in the last few years. And you have grown. I'm glad your life feels so good.